Im at my fathers house.
I got fired today at thrift haven.

I think im gonna by some crack, fuck as many guys as possible to fill my insecurities, walk down main street wearing a sign saying "give me attention i crave it", then top it off by stealing the only thing you fucking have.

or not because i could care less because i have a house( maybe not a house i wanna be at) i have a mother ( who i may not like) and if i try i can still become something. I dont have to be codependent. And codependent people are my ONE pet peeve.


Other news..shocker..im not dating Christie, shes in my top friends and we talk randomly throughout the day. =)

I still have my eye on another female. No males... shocker.

New assistant manager at Spicy....SWEET FUCKING DEAL. so excited to have a good person getting it and not a knocked up cunt.

I havent done anything today im about to lose my mind.

Im a cunt, Im a cunt, Im a cunt, Im a cunt, Im a cunt, Im a cunt, Im a cunt, Im a cunt, Im a cunt, Im a cunt, Im a cunt, Im a cunt, i really am and oh fucking well.

I didnt start this game.

But ill sure as hell finish it.

I danced with a goddess with a key around her neck. Her scars didn't get me down, they moved me. Her markings enthralled me. Her eyes connected us on the dance floor. She wasn't the love I once had. She was the women I saw across the porch just one week ago. God damn it. I may have faith in the female gender once more. But only once more. I don't need a marriage proposal I need a connection.

I really hate most of you. There's a reason we don't hang out. Why am I never around? Because you people are cunt bags. Why do I have two jobs? Two ignore you and make cash to get away from you people. You sit there and say we never hang out! And then when I see you or even when I don't you call me a whore, a drug addict, a drop out, or whatever else you can come up with. If you don't like what I do then don't be my friend don't talk to me don't even think about me. Why waste your time with someone like me?

Example 1: livejournal about how I'm too busy doing drugs to hang out.

My response: I'm not fucked up all the time, and you were obsessed with your bf all summer. Not my problem.

Example 2: Picture Comment saying I'm on drugs or whatever.

My Response: Then don't fucking comment the picture don't even look at my myspace. Why do you have to be a cunt.

Example 3: Breanna saying I'm a drug addict in my place of work.

My Response: Don't fucking come in my work first of all. You my friend drink yourself to sleep.

I DON'T KNOW IF ANYONE KNOWS LIQUOR IS INDEED A DRUG!!!!

I hate how small Cape Cod is.

I don't post anymore but I thought I should let this out.

Whoever started School today Good Luck!

I'm going through one of those phases where I don't know who I am. Where I fall on the grid. What I'm doing with my life. And I start worrying that I'm gonna be a dead beat drop out working at the mall for the rest of my life.

Im sick of spending money. I've made about $1300 just at spicy this summer and I have $6 in my account. Like wtf. What do I have to show for it. The answer is unknown. A portion has gone to boozes. But thats a necessary purchase.

Off with those lil lasses heads!
The sword will Win. Its how the lords wanted it. Perfect Balance. Don't trip, falling off the equator for me is stupid you dumb fucking cunt.

Oh yeah joel morris was the only one to see me on channel 7 news at 5 am this morning. Cool.

I just spent my first official morning and half the afternoon in bed. i feel fantastic.\

I have hope, and my only worry is getting my phone back. So i dont have to pay for a whole new one this week.

I wise friend said "dont let her sleepover it will end badly like always". I should have listened.

oh well.

i didnt say i didnt love you i said i couldnt date you. wheres the time? times flying.yourself should come first, not me and thats why i wont date you.


im having a really shitty day. ive lost my phone.my stunning personality got me in an awkward position. got in a argument.really bored with no phone.no cigs.

god dammit this weekend has sucked.

I honestly have no idea what I'm doing with my life.

I'm confused as hell, but I won't let it get me down.

I never post anymore. Why? Because everything I write is mocked and insulted.

I wanna go back to bed.
instead ill go to spicy boutique!

Peace

"I told him it'll be with the right person." You knew how I'd react to that, but I'm guessing that actually meant, "The person right in front of me." Thing is, is I didn't demand a relationship, you knew I just really wanted one; but you knew I could wait and see what happens; and you know I'm emotional. So to tell me how you're growing attached to me to the point where you're forgetting about Christie is ridiculously misleading if you didn't really feel that way, and if you did, then I don't see how "feelings for Christie didn't rush back until you asked to date me." I completely understood your response and you knew that I respected it. Yet, you fell for a girl and hooked up with another boy. Most would say you don't know what you want; I would say that you want what all three of us give you: attention. Above all, you knew what I wanted.
----------------------------------------
I feel no sympathy for this guy.
And yes I like attention, who doesn't?
Yes I was looking for the right person but I slipped up and had a drunken hook up...oh fucking well.

This summer sucks. This year sucks. I've learned so much but I'm sick of learning. I wanna be happy.

1. I miss Christie. Okay I really do.
2. Jake is trying to make my liking of sex as me being a slut. Once upon a time I was. But honestly sex is very healthy.
3. I'm semi sorta seeing a girl and there's 3 reasons why I shouldn't even be getting involved, as innocent as it is.
4. Breanna & Sheryl fighting about my friend is driving me over the edge
5. Working this much is killing me although the money is nice.
6. sitting under a tree every night sucks dick. it does. it really does.there has to be something to do.

I'm just gonna stop trying to help people. I'm gonna stop trying to discover who I am. It will come as I live life. I need to start saving money because I have a feeling I'm gonna need a large amount of cash in the next year. I need to get my permit so I can fucking drive.

Good news I'm getting my glasses today. Headaches will finally go away and I can see street signs and everything.

Its probably a really good thing emma is on cape. I think i might have done my infamous disappearing acts.

Jake and I are done.Im not gonna be pressured to date him.I wasn't pleased.His true colors came out a bit yesterday as my friends IMed him just joking around. Im really glad i didn't go out with him so many scenarios play in my head.

This week i just had no urge to work. Im always down for picking up a few extra hours whenever i can.This week ive been exhausted.Avoiding plans with friends besides Cody,Pinhead,and Kristina.

Ive been maybe a tad violent.I need to find a new outlet to release it. Ive been very snappy.

Im relived my sex strike has ended and i can go on my merry way of doing as i please. Not that im gonna sleep around like i use to. But i can have a little fun.

And to breannas opinions on me. I was drunk a bit yesterday. If i wanna sing Oklahoma half naked as im getting into the SHOWER! then i will! If i say im in love with Christie Dumont oh fucking well.maybe i am. and you cant judge my love life when 99% of your livejournal is being a whiny bitch and complaining about your relationship. You have spent so much time telling me im cocky that you've put yourself on a pedestal. so fuck off.

anyways...

Im not in a relationship. I work in the mall. Ive been drinking a bit too much lately.

life kinda sucks. but luckily i have friends who think life sucks just as much.

haha.