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| 2008-06-30 14:54 |
| Memage: That Book Thing I've Seen Everywhere.... |
| Public |
 amused |
| memage |
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So there's this meme going around I couldn't resist....
The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they’ve printed. Let’s see.
1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
And my list would go like this:
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
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My husband, Q, and I have been together since December of 2004. That's three and a half years. But, we've only actually been living together since we were married in April of 2007. That's just a little over a year. Before that, we weren't even in the same city. He was in Cincinnati, I was eight hours away in the middle of Missouri.
Being together after doing the long-distance thing for two and a half years is, in a word, blissful. It is wonderful to wake up every morning with the man I love. It is equally wonderful to go to bed with him every night.
Tonight, though, Q has gone out of town with some friends for a guy's adventure. Roller coasters. And I am so happy that he is having a good time with his friends, doing something he loves doing. Something that he wouldn't get to do with me. Me? I don't enjoy roller coasters. I throw up on roller coasters.
But, as anyone who has been in a long-distance relationship can tell you, the longer a time you have gotten to spend with your significant other before you have to say goodbye and be apart, the harder it is. When Q and I used to have a weekend together, it was tearful and sad and heartbreaking to say goodbye. When we got a whole week, it wasn't just heartbreaking to say goodbye, it was gut-wrenching. When we were together for a full two weeks, goodbye was devastating. It never mattered that we knew we'd see each other again in just a week, or two weeks, or a month, or whatever.
Those were nothing compared to saying goodbye after being together for a full year. And it still doesn't matter that I will be seeing him in just two days.
It's so stupid because I figured we were pretty good at dealing with being apart. But, clearly, I am not good at it. I miss my husband. I don't know how to go to bed without him.
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| 2008-06-17 08:55 |
A Meme: As Requested by ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) n_decisive.... |
| Public |
 I'm a little down today |
| memage |
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So there I was, innocently browsing posts on my friends list and, all of a sudden, I come across this from n_decisive. And you know how some memes just taunt you? Yeah. This one taunted me. Which means I have to do it. So...just for you, n_decisive...
You know how sometimes people on your friend's list post about stuff going on in their life, and all of a sudden you think "Wait a minute? Since when are they working THERE? Since when are they dating HIM/HER? since when???" And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you *should* already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.
Please copy mine below, erase my answers putting yours in their place then post it in your journal! Please elaborate on the questions that would benefit from elaboration! One-Word-Answers seldom help anyone out :)
1. First Name:
Betsy
2. Age:
Thirty-six and about ten days. Although, most days, I'm lucky if I feel twelve. I think I was absent the day they handed out the grown-ups handbook in college. *sighs*
3. Location:
I moved to Cincinnati a little over a year ago after I got married to my wonderful husband, Q. He already lived here. We were long-distance for two and a half years before the wedding. We didn't want to be long-distance anymore. Before that I was in Columbia, Missouri for almost ten years. Before that I was in St. Louis, Missouri, which is my hometown.
4. Occupation:
Okay. This is a harder question than you think it is. I am, by education and training, an attorney. I was a public defense attorney (you know when the cops say, "if you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you"? Yeah...that was me.) for nearly ten years. When I moved to Cincinnati, I did not have a job. I interviewed and interviewed and finally found a job, which turned out to be a temp job, although the firm I was employed by neglected to tell me that. It was a horrible job, anyway. So, after that, I was unemployed for a couple of months and then I picked up a temp gig. A temp gig for an attorney means that I got to do what's called document review. Document review is even more boring than it sounds. The temp gig is over now. So I am again unemployed. And having a very hard time with it. I'm not good at being idle and feeling purposeless. I'm trying not to get depressed about it.
But, what I really want....really, really, reallyreallyreallyreallyreally a lot...like since I was six years old...is to be a writer. So, I'm using this time to pursue that. (My other journal, realiotrulio is for that. Come friend me over there and you can see some of what I've been working on.)
5. Partner?
Yes. Q and I have been married just over a year. We've been together since the end of 2004. We are enjoying not being long-distance anymore. He is the very best part of my life. I don't know where I'd be without him.
6. Kids?:
Not yet. Sheesh, give us some time to just be newlyweds, willya??? *laughs* We do want kids. So, none yet, but stay tuned... *smiles*
7. Brothers/Sisters:
I have one older brother, B. Who was, at one time, one of my best friends. We went through a rough patch (our whole family did for reasons I'm not getting into here), but he and I are getting to be friends again. He's going through a divorce after fifteen years of marriage. It's hard for him. I'm trying to help.
8. Pets:
Two dogs. Pembroke Welsh Corgis. Winnie, who is 13 and Chloe who is almost 8. They are cute. They bark too much and shed too much and want to eat all the time, but we love them. Probably because they're cute. Cute can make you forgive a lot. Or maybe that's just me. I could just be a sucker. Winnie and Chloe have their own journal, curtainlookout that they periodically update.
9. List the 3-5 biggest things going on in your life:
A. Being married to Q and enjoying that. Very much.
B. Adjusting to living in Cincinnati, hoping to find friends here, and adjusting to not practicing law.
C. Writing.
D. Writing.
E. Writing.
F. And I'm going to learn to knit.
10. Where and for what did you go to school for?
I went to Bradley University for undergraduate and graduated with a B.A. in English and another B.A. in history. Then I went to Washington University School of Law (in St. Louis) and got my J.D. I sometimes think about going back to school to get my teaching certification or pursue a Ph.D.
11. Parents?
Of course. Both are living. I'm quite close to them, in fact. I love them, dearly.
12. Who are some of your closest friends?
Of course, Q is my heart and I love him and he's one of my best friends. Which is, I think, as it should be when you're married to someone. After that, goodyoneshoe is my best friend and like a sister to me.
And that is the current state of the Betsy.
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| 2008-06-03 09:17 |
| Interests Meme Answers.....and Questions! |
| Public |
 content |
| memage |
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The other day qos posted a meme. She said Comment on this post and I will choose seven interests from your profile and ask you to explain what they mean and why you are interested in them. Post this along with your answers in your own journal so that others can play along.
So, I commented and she picked seven interests. Which, by the rules of the meme, I am obligated to post here. So I am.
Okay.....let's see....
Castles: Of course, when I was growing up, there were stories of princesses and castles. Then there were books about princes and princesses and castles. Then there were biographies of kings and queens who lived in castles. And even a couple of books about the architecture of castles. Then, when I was fourteen years old, my family took a trip to the British Isles and I got to actually see castles. My interest isn't really in the architecture of the buildings, though the architecture is fascinating. My interest is in the lives that were lived in the castles. And, one day, when I was in Scotland, we stumbled upon Castle Campbell, an out-of-the-way non-touristy castle. Parts of it were in ruin. None of the rooms were done up in museum-style with period furniture and accoutrement. It was just bare stone and mortar. And I was walking up the spiral staircase to the top of one of the towers and running my hand along the wall and I realized....I wasn't the first person to do that. That someone had lived in this castle. Perhaps a girl just my age. And she had probably walked up those same steps and run her hand along the same wall and seen the same view from the top. And the stones beneath my hands began to feel warm with all the lives that had touched them before. I've been in many castles since then, and I always try to imagine what it would be like to live in them. I don't think I would like it...I'm not cut out for it. But I'm fascinated by how people lived in castles in various periods of history.
The Wizard of Oz: When I was two years old, the Wizard of Oz books (the original twelve by L. Frank Baum) were my favorite books in all the world. I loved having them read to me, even though there weren't a lot of pictures. My mother declared me a Genius Child because of it. I wasn't, really. I just had pictures in my head. They remain some of my favorite books to this day. The world L. Frank Baum created out of whole cloth is one of the first places I ever escaped to through my reading. (And, of course, I also love Wicked, the backstory of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire...and the musical adapted from it...I probably love the musical even more than the book.) I've always loved the idea that you can get swept away to a whole other land with wonderful creatures and adventures. I'm a little bitter that I've never gotten to go to one in real life.
Queens: My undergraduate history thesis was about Catherine the Great of Russia. I'm fascinated by Queen Elizabeth I of England. Queen Victoria. Queen Boadicea. Mary Queen of Scots. Even Queen Elizabeth II. Not to mention all those women who were the power behind the throne, when men were on the throne. Women in powerful positions intrigue me. What they had to do to get power, to stay in power. How much more brilliant than their male counterparts they had to be in order to be respected. I suppose I could have listed each individual queen that intrigues me, but this covered it better, I thought.
Fits of Rampant Whimsy (best interest ever!!): I was going to put "blowing bubbles out the car window in rush hour traffic" in my interest list. I put this instead because it was broader and still captured the same feeling. I like giving in to some of those happy-fun impulses that most people don't give in to anymore once they become adults. I want to go dance out in a summer rainstorm. I like to blow bubbles. I like having nerf-gun fights with my husband. Tickle fights are also fun. Sometimes, you just have to go skipping down the street, even if you're wearing a business suit.
Public Speaking: I competed with the speech team when I was in high school and all through college as well. If I was being braggy, I'd say I went to nationals seven times and was a National Semifinalists several times over in several different events. But, that isn't as impressive as it sounds. The thing is, I have horrible stage fright. I'm terrified of getting up in front of people and speaking or acting. But, I do both because, once I'm up there and doing it, it is such a rush. There is nothing quite like the thrill and adrenaline of performing. Competing in speech is how I learned so many important things. Not just how to give a presentation, or how to persuade (oh-so-important when you're a litigator in front of a jury), but also how to lose gracefully, how to win gracefully, and how to worry only about what you can control, and leave the rest up to whomever it's up to (I could only give the best performance I was capable of, I couldn't control the judge's reaction to it). It has served me very well over the years.
Public Defense (I kind of miss the "lawyer girl" stories): I was a public defense attorney for ten years. I loved it. I didn't always love how much of it there was (the overworked and underpaid thing isn't a myth), but I always loved the work itself. I loved helping people. I loved making sure the law was upheld, the Constitution was followed, and everyone's rights were protected. I believe in public defense. I think everyone deserves a good attorney to represent them. Sometimes, being a good attorney is telling someone that they need to plead guilty. Sometimes, being a good attorney is standing up in court and telling a jury that, even though something bad happened, the law was not broken. Sometimes, being a good attorney is doing that even though it's not at all popular. I guess you can take the girl out of public defense, but you can't take public defense out of the girl. Part of me will always be a public defender. And, truth be told, I miss the lawyergirl stories, too. But, I'm not a public defender, anymore...and I'm not really practicing law in the way that lends itself to storytelling anymore. *sighs* Maybe I'll find some old stories that I can write about, though. I'll think about it.
Sarcasm: I like sarcasm. It's the extreme example of "it's not what you say, but how you say it." What can I say? Sometimes, nothing gets your point across quite like sarcasm....especially from one who is practiced in the art. Teenagers think they have a lock on sarcasm? Ha! Compared to we adult practitioners, they've got no game whatsoever.
So, that's my list.
If you want to, comment here and I'll pick seven of your interests for you to explain.
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| 2008-05-20 15:33 |
| Thoughts on the Politics of Hope and Voting in the Primaries |
| Public |
| sad |
| politics=yuck |
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I live in Kentucky. Oh, I tell people I live in Cincinnati, because it's easier than saying "I live in the Greater Cincinnati area in a suburb that's on the Kentucky side of the Ohio River," which is way too long. You'd do it, too.
But, the point is, that I live in Kentucky, which means my state's primary is today. When I first moved here, last year, I found out that the primaries in Kentucky weren't until the middle of May and I was more than dismayed. I was downright upset. I think I whined loudly to Q "What do you mean they're in the middle of freakin' MAY???? It'll all be over by May!"
Little did I know.
So, this morning, I made my way to the polls to vote in the democratic primary (it should not come as a surprise that I'm a liberal-leaning democrat). And, as of this morning, I still had no clue who I was going to vote for. I have been on vacillating between Hillary and Barak for months now. I love both candidates for very different reasons. And, the longer this campaign goes on, I have also started to hate both candidates for very different reasons.
Last week, I got a call from a pollster, who was asking me about my vote, and the conversation went like this:
Squeaky-Voiced Female Pollster: I'm calling for [Insert name of candidate here], can you tell me which candidate you'll be voting for in next week's primaries?
Me: I haven't decided, yet.
Squeaky-Voiced Female Pollster: (not deterred) Well, if you were voting today, who would you vote for?
Me: I don't know.
Squeaky-Voiced Female Pollster: (still not deterred) Which candidate are you leaning toward?
Me: I'm not. Look, if there's a fence, I'm on it. I probably won't know until I'm in the voting booth.
Squeaky-Voiced Female Pollster: (persistent, isn't she?) If you had to choose a candidate....
Me: (interrupting) Oh, give it up...you're not going to get the answer you want.
When I woke up this morning, I had not made a decision. When I ate breakfast, I still had no decision. When I took a shower, got dressed and did my makeup....no decision, no decision, no decision. As I was driving to the polls, still no decision.
I have never had this much difficulty picking a candidate before. I make an effort to educate myself during election season. I read a lot. I discuss the issues and the candidates with my family, my friends, my colleagues, anyone who might have insight for me. I figure out what each candidate's positions are on the important issues (some that are important in the wider sense, some that are less important in the grand scheme of things, but important to me) and I see which candidate might get our country to the places I think it ought to be.
This year? I just didn't know*.
I walked into the polling place. I still had not made up my mind. I showed them my ID. No idea how I was going to vote. I signed the register where they told me to sign the register. No decision was forthcoming. They set up the democratic ballot for me in the booth and I went in.
And I realized that I did not know what I wanted to do. I stood there, staring at my choices: Hillary Clinton. Barak Obama. Hillary Clinton or Barak Obama? Barak or Hillary? Clinton or Obama? I was caught in my head. Did I love Hillary and hate Barak? Or did I love Barak or hate Hillary? Or did I love neither of them and hate neither of them? Or did I love both of them? Or did I hate both of them?
The answers to all of the questions is Yes. Which didn't help me make up my mind. I stood in that booth for ten full minutes before I finally pushed a button. I'm not exaggerating. It was 8:53 when I went in and 9:03 when I came out according to the big, red-numbered clock on the wall. And, even now, I'm not sure I made the right decision. If there is a right decision.
But, what struck me is what I was thinking about while I was standing there for those ten minutes.
The first presidential election in which was eligible to vote was 1992 when Clinton ran against Bush Sr. It was my junior year in college. I remember being so excited. I didn't get my application for an absentee ballot filed in time, so I had to drive home from college to vote. And I did. Gladly. And I remember being so hopeful because, finally, I had a candidate that I liked. And I thought he might actually win. And I knew that if he did win, then maybe some things that made me unhappy about our country would change. (I'm not here to romanticize Bill Clinton. Or demonize him. I'm just telling you what I felt when I voted in that election. And even in the next election, when Bill won again.)
I don't feel like that, anymore. I haven't felt that way in a long time.
Because what I felt in the voting booth today? Wasn't hope. What I thought while I was standing there, my finger poised above the electronic ballot was Well, who do I think is going to fuck it up less?
And then I had to take a pause. Did that actually go through my head? In a year where the democrats have TWO viable candidates? Have I really lost that much faith in our system of government? When did that happen? And why?
The answer is I lost my faith in the system during the last eight years with George W. Bush's presidency. When he started out, I knew he was a horrible choice for president. I knew things would be worse under his administration than they had been before. I just didn't know how bad it could get. It got much, much worse than I had ever anticipated. And somewhere in the middle of it all, with the Supreme Court deciding the presidency and the beyond-ill-advised war in Iraq and the economic collapse and the American public choosing to keep that fool in office for another four years so he could do more damage than he's already done, I lost all faith.
Today, more than wanting either Hillary Clinton or Barak Obama to be president, I want to stop thinking in terms of which candidate is going to do the least damage or which candidate isn't going to make things worse. I want my faith back. I want to hope.
*Of course, I had to make a decision, didn't I? And I did. Not that I'm going to tell you what it is. That's not the point of this post.
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| 2008-04-09 16:26 |
| I'm Going to Take This as a Compliment |
| Public |
 witty (and a little strange) |
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Several of my co-workers were having a group conversation. You know the kind...where everyone asks questions, and everyone adds their two cents, states their opinions, and makes comments. I, of course, cannot resist joining in. And, since I like nothing better than wit, I sometimes throw in a witty comment or joke. And my sense of humor is dry. And a little on the Monty Python side. Okay...a LOT on the Monty Python side.
So, after throwing out a witty, slightly absurd comment, one of my co-workers, GB, says to the other people in the room:
"Betsy is funny. Talking with her is like driving along the highway when you don't think there's a left turn. Except, with Betsy, there is a left turn."
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So, Q has a new grill. Brand spanking new gas grill and it is big and there is fire and, like any good male of the species, Q loves it. I'm pretty sure he loves me more, but when he's standing outside drinking a beer and cooking meat over an actual flame....well, let's just say his grin isn't that big when I'm parading naked in front of him.
Anyway, we've barbecued something every single night since we got the grill. (When we were planning our meals for the week, Q was apologetic about how many meals were to be grilled. Excuse me? It means he is going to be doing the cooking all week this week. There is sooooo not a need to apologize.). We had steaks on Sunday and barbecued chicken legs on Monday, and last night we had bratwurst.
Now I love bratwurst. Bratwurst is one of my favorite grilled meals. Give me a brat and a bun and some ketchup (and maybe a little pickle relish) and I am a happy girl. Q loves bratwurst, too. However, he likes his bratwurst served with sauerkraut.
Oh ick.
Yes, you heard me. Oh. Ick. I hate sauerkraut. I hate the way it tastes. I hate the way it looks. I even hate the way it smells. Just *shudders* yuck. Yet, I made a batch of sauerkraut for Q. Because I love him and I am, officially, The Best Wife In The WorldTM. I gagged a little when it was heating up. Q laughed.
When the brats were done and I had my buns and Q had his plate-o-yuck, we sat down to eat. I asked Q if he was enjoying his meal:
Me: Are you enjoying your brats and your sauerkraut?
Q: God, yes!
Me: (laughing) I'm glad.
Q: (taking a big bite of brat and sauerkraut) I feel so German right now....I want to invade Poland!
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| 2008-03-29 14:51 |
| Mammogram: The Musical |
| Public |
 cranky |
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There is no advantage to having big boobs. None. As of Wednesday afternoon, I have fully confirmed this statement. It is now a proven, unassailable, immutable fact.
No arguing with me, either.
Big boobs often cause back pain and shoulder pain. Not for me, but they do for a lot of women. Then there is the general lack of pretty bras for the large-breasted women. Victoria's Secret? Only carries bras in-store up to 38C. If you want a D cup or better? Gotta go to the catalog. Where they have only four or five different models in the larger sizes. They are the plainest models, too. Nothing with lace. God forbid big boobs get lace! Can't have large amounts of lace. Noooo.
"But...but....what about the menfolk who like to look at the large-breasted women? Men are always talking about big-breasted women! Big boobs are an advantage in the dating/mating department, aren't they?"
No. No, they are not. The thing is, breast size doesn't matter as much as all that. And most men who say they like large breasts, also want those large breasts to be perky, gravity-defying, perfect-looking orbs that sit on a woman's chest like casaba melons lashed to a pole. Which doesn't happen when the breasts are naturally large. Naturally large breasts tend not to be perky or gravity-defying. We who have them must employ the Undergarments of SteelTM to make them appear to float temptingly in the upper part of our chestal region. As soon as we take off the Undergarments of SteelTM, the illusion is lost. Also, most large-breasted women are large in general. As in not terribly thin. The thin women menfolk tend to favor do not have large breasts. If they do, they got them with the aid of a surgeon. Let me tell you, thin trumps big boobs for the great majority of men. (NOTE: Yes, I know there are men out there that like zaftig women, and like zaftig women with big breasts that are natural breasts...I'm ranting here, give me a break!)
I knew all this long ago. None of this is news to me. But, on Wednesday, I went in for my first mammogram and learned exactly how non-advantageous big boobs can be. The last puzzle piece fell into place.
Nothing was wrong with my breasts, mind you. No lump found. No suspicions. But, my doctor wanted to get a "baseline" mammogram done now that I am thirty-five (see previous rant in June 2007 about the medical disadvantages of turning 35). "Just so we have something to compare your later mammograms to," he says. Naively, I agreed.
Sure, people had told me mammograms can be uncomfortable. But, yeah, you know it's going to be bad when, instead of saying "this might be a bit uncomfortable," the nurse says, "this is going to hurt quite a bit, I'm sorry." Yeah. And....and she told me that it would be worse for me because I had big boobs.
She wasn't kidding.
So, there I am, standing in front of the mammogram machine, one breast plopped onto the platform, the other held out of the way. Which has to be the least sexy thing ever. The nurse adjusts my breast for optimum scanning, and then begins the squishing. Yes, squishing. They squish your breasts to take pictures of them. And they don't just squish them, they SQUISH them. Hard. Until it hurts. A lot. And then they squish them some more. And, as soon as they are done squishing one breast, they do the other.
Then they have to do it from the side, for a side-view. Which has to include the pectoral muscles....so the corner of the platform is jammed into your armpit to separate the pectoral muscle (which they want to see a picture of) from the back muscles (which they don't). And when I say jammed, I mean digging in so hard it makes your eyes water. I'm surprised I didn't end up bruised.
Had I had small or average sized breasts that would have been the end of it. And it would have been enough, believe me. But it wasn't the end of it. See, because my boobs were so large, when they were getting the side-view-with-pectorals picture, they couldn't get the front of my breast squished enough for a good picture.
Let me repeat that. The front of my breast wasn't squished enough for them.
You know what that means? They had to do it again. This time, with none of that pesky pectoral muscle in the way. Just the front of my breast. Which, not incidentally, is the most tender part of my breasts. And, so she could "get the best picture" the nurse told me she was going to squish it extra hard. Extra. Hard. The machine did its part of the squishing. Then the nurse turned the little knob once, twice, three times...the same amount she'd done with the other pictures. Which was funny because this time it hurt more. But then? She turned the knob once more. Oh. My. God. I don't think I knew the meaning of the phrase "searing pain" before that.
The best part? Right after the fourth turn, the nurse asked, "is that okay?"
No! No it's not okay! But you already did it, so why are you asking? Just take your fucking picture and give me my boobs back!
Yeah. I cried.
I cried and had to ice my breasts when I got home.
The nurse told me that, because this was my first mammogram and they had nothing to compare it to, they might have to call me back for additional pictures later. Which, the nurse assured me, wouldn't mean they found something. It would, she said, just mean that they needed to confirm things. I'm not sure what the difference is. But, in any case, I told Q that if they wanted to take more pictures of my boobs, they're on their own.
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hookncrook asked: "Tell us a memory... you rarely post memories...just happenings in your life. Share something sweet like that.
I have so many memories. Which is to be expected after thirty-five (almost thirty-six) years. The problem is, most of them are not sweet. I mostly remember the funny or quirky stuff. Or the yucky stuff. But sweet? Let's see if I can come up with a sweet memory. Hmmm....
Q and I were talking the other day about when we have kids. We were discussing things we want to do as they grow up. One of the essentials? The long car trip in the summer. And there will be no DVD players in the car. No sir. We never had DVD players in the car to entertain us when we were growing up. We had to entertain ourselves. And it was good for us. Builds character. And, besides, if I had to suffer, our kids have to suffer. Q agrees.
This has put me in mind of the long car trips I took as a kid. I have quite a few memories of those. So, your memory for the day....
Every year when I was growing up, my family took a two-week vacation in the summer. It usually involved a long car trip to visit one relative or another in a state that took forever to drive to, if you were calculating the length of it in kid-time. These long car trips also usually involved my brother, B, and I sniping at each other in the back seat. Sniping would turn into teasing and teasing would turn into yelling and yelling would turn into Mom saying, from the front seat, "Stop it, you two! Stop it right NOW!" And when we had stopped it (after the sixth or seventh request), Mom would tell us to "draw an imaginary line down the middle of the back seat." One side would be B's and the other would be mine. Neither of us was allowed to invade the other's territory.
Which is not how these things work when you're kids and siblings and on the longest car trip in the whole world ever and you're nowhere near there, yet.
Once B was thoroughly bored, Licence Plate Bingo and I Spy failing to hold his interest any longer, he would use his index finger and middle finger like they were a man and "walk" them over to the imaginary line. He would step-step-step-step and then, right when the next step would carry his hand over the imaginary line into my side of the car, he would stop, his finger hovering in my airspace. Incensed in the way only an eight-year-old can be incensed, I would screech (at a decibel level far exceeding the recommended levels for such a small space) "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!! He's on MY SIDE of the CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!"
B would smirk at me and say "No I'm not" and wiggle the hovering finger to demonstrate that it hadn't acutally touched down in my sovereignty.
"Yes you ARE!" I would screech back, pointing out B's transgression to Mom who'd turned around in the passenger seat, scowling.
"B!" she would say sternly, "Stop teasing your sister!"
Chastened, B would stop. For, like, a minute. Because when B was bored, his favorite passtime was to make his little sister screech. Apparently, making me screech was infintely more interesting than the flat plains and rolling hills of Kansas.
B was also a master of the "I'm-Not-Touching-You" Game in which he would hold his finger a half-inch from my forearm and chant "I'm not touching you!"
My response was, invariably, to screech "Mooooooooommmmm!!!!" But when she would ask me what was wrong, all I could say was "B's not touching me." Which isn't much of a complaint, is it? How could Mom punish B for not touching his little sister?
The funny thing is, B and I were always the best of friends when we got to our destination. Which would last exactly as long as the trip. The very minute we got back in the car for the long ride home, the friendship ended and the sniping began.
Poor Mom and Dad.
(Nope...it wasn't sweet. I don't think I have sweet. But it is a memory. Does that count?)
If you want to ask questions, feel free. Go here and leave a comment.
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mostcurious asked me several questions. And here are the answers:
How is Q's back?
Q's back is doing great. He had surgery in September and has been released from the doctor and from physical therapy. For the purposes of every day living, he's damn near back to normal. For the purposes of wrestling, he's got a ways to go. We're hopeful that, in another few months, he'll be able to get back in the ring, at least on a limited basis. We'll see what happens.
What's this story about new jobs for you or whatever - i'm so confused I can't even ask a proper question.
Yeah. I realize I haven't posted about my job situation in a long time. You all heard "Yay! I got a new job!" Then you heard "This new job is eating my life!" Then you didn't hear anything. Then you heard hints about a new job/work situation. *sighs* I'm sorry. This post is a long time coming.
Here's what happened, in the smallest nutshell I can manage (t'ain't really small. forgive me):
So, back in August of 2007, I got a call from a small boutique law firm in town. The man who would become my boss, FN, went into paroxysms of excitement over my level of experience. He told me "If I can afford you, I'm going to hire you" over the phone....before he'd even met me. This was red flag #1. I ignored it. I had been unemployed for more than four months at that point and Q and I had just taken on the expense of a new home. In other words, I was beyond desperate. I just wanted a job, dammit. So, I went to the interview with a song in my heart and ignored every red flag I saw.
At the interview, I learned that FN had two associates working under him, doing immigration, civil, and a little bit of criminal work. Red flag #2: One associate, BPS, had just quit with only a week's notice and the other, VT, was going to start her maternity leave in a week. During what passed for the interview, FN intimated that he didn't think VT would be returning after her maternity leave. Red flag #3: There really wasn't an interview. He asked me almost nothing about my background and experience. Instead, he had me sit in on a couple of client interviews (with some immigration clients) and asked me if I might like doing this kind of work. Umm...I've done client interviews thousands of times. This doesn't intimidate me. I reminded him that I didn't have any experience with immigration law, but was willing to learn. I asked him about how they go about training/learning around here. Which leads me to Red flag #4: he looked at me like I was insane. "Training?" he asked like I'd used a nonsense word. But, like all the others, I ignored that red flag. Then we talked salary.
The salary discussion (Red flag #5) went like this:
FN: Now I need to know if I can afford you.
Me: Well, back in Missouri, I was earning $5XXX0, but I knew when I moved here I might have to take a pay cut. I'm perfectly okay with taking a pay cut. So, what were you thinking?
FN: I can pay you $5XXX0. So, do you want the job?
Me: (excited that he could match my previous salary) Well....
FN: Because VT is leaving next week, I need an answer quickly.
So I took the job.
Rapidly, I came to regret this decision. The job really did eat my life. I was expected to work 6 days a week...and FN seemed to be disappointed when I didn't volunteer the 7th day to him. Also, there was no training. FN just gave me civil and immigration cases and offered no guidance on how to handle them. I would ask questions and get put off. So I had to flail around on my own until I figured it out. Which would have been fine except that FN then told me I took too long to do them. e turned me loose on the criminal cases. Those I could handle on my own. I was driving to courts all over southern Ohio and northern Kentucky, so he wouldn't have to. Which was okay with me. The thing is, I have more criminal experience than FN. He did not like this. He questioned my every move. He was satisfied with my work after I subjected myself to the third degree, though.
FN never once told me he didn't like the work I was doing. In fact, when I heard from him, which wasn't often, he told me he was pleased with my work.
I was horribly unhappy. I started looking for another job.
Then VT came back from maternity leave. And made it clear that, no, she wasn't wanting to quit or go part time.
A week and a half later, on Halloween, FN came into my office and told me he couldn't afford me and was letting me go.
What?
Excuse me?
What?
Yeah. So, I got fired. I've never been fired before.
Now, piecing it together and talking to some people in the legal community who know FN, I have figured out what happened: FN needed a temp attorney to cover while VT went on maternity leave. He neglected to tell me this. He led me to believe this would be a permanent job. But, as another attorney pointed out to me, FN has always had financial trouble. The associate who left did so because FN wasn't paying him his full salary. So yeah, I kind of knew that there was no way, in a mere two months, FN went from being able to afford my salary to not being able to afford my salary. No way his finances went that far south that quickly. The more I find out about FN the more I know what happened and it wasn't me...it was him. He was dishonest with me from the beginning. This doesn't make me feel better, really.
So. Yeah. Let's just say I was pretty depressed for a while. Badly depressed, actually. Which is a large part of the reason I stopped posting. I felt like a failure.
I still haven't found a permanent job. I am working now as a temporary attorney, doing document review for a large firm in town. I get paid a goodly amount per hour to do this, but it's not a permanent job.
I am thinking about pursuing my writing as a way to earn money. I'm not sure how to begin with that, but I aim to find out.
So, that's the Job Story.
What color is your new house? how many bedrooms?
My home is two stories and four bedrooms. Q and I love it. It's a little big for the two of us, but we figure we can grow into it. Outside, it's brick. Which is nice. Inside, it's mostly a pale yellow. Which would be fine in a single bedroom or just the kitchen...but all over the house makes it a little overwhelming. I'm hoping to get the house painted. When Q and I have saved enough to do that. Then it will feel even more like OUR house.
Perhaps I've gone over my limit on questions, but yea, these are the things I've been thinking about.
Good news! There IS no limit to how many questions you can ask. Thank you for asking these ones.
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| 2008-03-12 09:53 |
| Question Meme: Because I Haven't Posted in a Long Time |
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 curious |
| memage |
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*waves*
Hi.
So, it's been a long time since I've posted things of substance here. I've been posting my fiction on my other journal, but this journal has, much to my chagrin, gone a bit fallow. There are things going on in my life. So much has happened that I don't know where to begin writing about it all. I shouldn't feel like I need to catch you all up with my life, I know. But I do.
Then I saw this meme, and was inspired:
"Everyone has things they blog about. Everyone has things they don't blog about. Challenge me out of my comfort zone by telling me something I don't blog about, but you'd like to hear about, and I'll write a post about it. Ask for anything." I don't care if you're challenging me out of my comfort zone or not...just ask me things you want to know. I'll answer your questions. So, ask me whatever you want in comments (even if it's as simple as "what's going on with your work?" or "how is your new house?" or "how is Q's back?")and I'll answer in later posts.
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| 2008-01-28 15:31 |
| Okay... |
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| accomplished |
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....so, I haven't been around much lately. Not here, anyway. I will explain this in a later post. But, the thing is, I'm not gone. I'm still around. I just haven't been feeling very nonfictional lately. And I don't feel like fiction or poetry belongs in this journal. This one is about my life, you know? So, I'm actually posting regularly (daily, in fact) over in realiotrulio., it's just fiction and poetry...and fictional poetry. The rules are that I must post daily in response to a writing prompt (which can be left here.). I'm going to keep it up as long as I can. Although, I do reserve the right to change the rules in the future, if necessary. The regular posting, though? That's not a changeable factor.
So, anyway....
I know some of you have visited me there already. I'd love to see some more of you over there.
*smiles*
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| 2008-01-05 15:01 |
| Oh Goodness, I'm a Poet? |
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 surprised |
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I have committed poetry! Go here if you want to read it.
I haven't written poetry since I was in my angsty-I-am-a-poet-and-I-wear-all-black phase when I was in college.
Wow.
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| 2008-01-02 22:14 |
| In Which I'm an Idiot |
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 embarrassed |
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I went to the grocery store today. We needed coffee and milk. Nothing big, but still important. And I wanted to get some decaffinated teas to drink now that it has gotten frigid cold out.
So, there I am, running around the store picking up all the items I need, and some that I just want. Milk, tea, coffee, some potatoes and cheese to make an au gratin dish I wanted to try. And I take my basket up to the checkout where the cashier starts to ring up my purchases.
And where I discover that I've left my wallet at home.
*facepalm*
I'm not sure whether the cashier was laughing WITH me or AT me, but I'm betting on AT.
Also, go here to read the fiction what I created today. Then, maybe go over here to give me more writing prompts. *bows* Thank you.
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| 2008-01-01 17:56 |
| The Experiment Begins |
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| happy |
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So, the experiment begins. Go here and read what the experiment is. And then click here and read the first day of the experiment.
Also, I need more writing prompts.
And Happy New Year, all!!
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| 2007-12-31 08:00 |
| The Usual End-of-the-Year Meme Thing |
| Public |
| happy |
| memage |
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1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
Well, I got married. Hopefully, that's not something I'll ever do again, because I am desperately in love with my husband (yes, you may make disgust noises now). I also sold my house, quit my job without having one waiting in the wings, moved to a whole new state, got sworn in to practice law in Ohio, but still remained unemployed for months (that last one is something I'm not happy about, but it is something that I've never done before), bought a house with my husband, and decorated my very own house for Christmas with my very own Christmas tree and my very own Christmas decorations.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't really believe in resolutions, mostly because I have never been able to follow through with them, so I didn't make one last year. This year, I want to be more productive. So, taking a page out of zoethe, I am going to resolve to stop playing all computer-based solitaire games. Yep. That means no solitaire, no sudoku, no online jigsaw puzzles, no cubis, no anything of the sort. I'm hoping this means that I waste less time and my relaxation time becomes about accomplishing something (writing, reading, maybe I'll take up knitting or crochet). Also, Q and I have decided to start taking ballroom dancing classes. Go us!
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope. Several people who are dear to me became pregnant (sahmchelle and blondefury, but the births aren't due until 2008.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My grandmother's cousin Ruby, who was kind of like a grandmother to me passed away earlier this year. She'd been in a nursing home for some years. It was not a surprise, but it was very sad. It's like losing another link to the family past.
5. What countries did you visit?
Does Texas count as another country? If it doesn't, I stayed in country all year this year. I don't feel a loss at this. I did a whole lot of new things this year that didn't involve travel (see the answer to question #1).
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
A job. Plain and simple. Yes, yes, I had a job in the beginning of the year, but I don't now (more on that later) and I want one. Some way to bring money into the household. It has entered my head (and run laps around my brain several times) that I might pursue freelance writing and see if I can generate some sort of income from it. Don't really know where to begin (but I can learn!). But, bottomline is I want to have a job again.
7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 14, which was my wedding day. It was a beautiful and loving affair and someday I will have enough distance from it that I can write about it without making myself want to throw up from the cute.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Retaining my sanity while selling my house, planning a wedding, working full time and planning a move. Then continuing to retain my sanity after said house sale, wedding and move. And still retaining my sanity during my unfortunate unemployment. And not just retaining my sanity, but having a wonderful marriage to a wonderful man.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I know that unemployment isn't a "failure," per se...but it feels like one. Although my mother, my husband, and my best friend keep telling me it isn't a failure and I shouldn't feel that way.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nope (knock on wood). Although my husband, Q, had surgery for a herniated disc in his back. I'd have taken the pain for him, but that's not how these things work.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Our new house.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Too many people to count. My husband, my mother, my father, best friend, even my brother. My husband especially, who has supported me through every bit of the stress and tears that come with as big a life change as I made this year.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Too many people to count. Most of them know who they are.
14. Where did most of your money go?
The move and the house.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
You'd think that I would say my wedding, wouldn't you? Nope. I got really, really, really excited about my MARRIAGE (it's different, you know).
16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
Defying Gravity from the musical Wicked. Partly because that's the only CD that stayed in my car all year long. Mostly because it was my theme song through all the big changes I made in my life this year.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
Overall, I'm happier. Much happier. Worlds happier. Probably universes happier.
18. Compared to this time last year, are you richer or poorer?
That depends entirely on how you define the words. I do not have a job, so I have less money of my own, but Q's salary remained the same (and was larger than my old salary was, anyway)...and we have no debt except for the mortgage on our home. So, though I feel poorer (because of my own hangups and worries about not contributing to the household income), I am actually richer. But, more importantly, in love and friendship, I am so much richer this year than I was last year. And that, my dears, is what really matters.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Bemoaning my unemployed state. Really, crying and carrying on doesn't change a thing, and I'm lucky that Q makes a good living and can support us both for the time being (and because he isn't upset at all about having to do so). I should have celebrated the break from working and taken advantage of the free time I have.
20. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Writing. I should have done more writing. That's going to change in 2008. I'm going to write as much as possible in 2008. TO THAT END...GO HERE, READ WHAT I'M UP TO AND GIVE ME A WRITING PROMPT. *bows* THANK YOU
21. How did you spend Christmas?
Q and I went to St. Louis and spent a little more than a week with my parents. There were plays (Q's first time seeing Wicked), presents and WAY too much eating of WAY too much good food. We just got home from that trip. I miss Mom and Dad already.
22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
Nope. I was already in love. I got to marry my love. I finally got to live with my love and spend every day with him. I got to fall in love with him all over again every single day for all sorts of new reasons. All in all, it was a good year for love in Betsyland.
23. How many one-night stands?
None. I'm a monogamist. *smiles*
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Oh, this is too easy. Top Chef I love Top Chef. Top Chef is the best show ever.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I try not to hate anyone. It's a waste of my time and energy.
26. What was the best book you read?
There are so many! Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. And Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by (as if you didn't know) JK Rowling.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I didn't really make any musical discoveries this year. Sadly.
28. What did you want and get?
Married to Q.
29. What did you want and not get?
A job with the Federal Public Defender's Office.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I couldn't pick just one. I loved Ratatouille, The Feast of Love, Miss Potter, Pan's Labyrinth, and more recently Charlie Wilson's War. I'm still waiting to see Becoming Jane when it comes out on DVD because I missed it in the theatres, but I suspect it would make my best list.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Q took me out to dinner and sent me flowers. I turned 35. *blink* Don't say it. Don't even think it.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Having gotten a job I loved. Or becoming a published writer. Or both.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Fashion? What is this fashion of which you speak? *laughs* Probably comfortable and classic.
34. What kept you sane?
The love and support of my husband, Q.
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
What didn't? Politics are exploding in America right now. But, the big one is the same big one that always gets me stirred up: The Supreme Court of the United States. There were big changes there this year. Big ones. Ones with which I was not particularly happy. But is there any use in me saying "I told you so" to the people who voted for Bush who, in turn, appointed such ultra-conservatives to the bench?
36. Who did you miss?
I moved away from all my friends after I got married. I miss all of them. Most especially, my best friend, HH. She and I will always be best friends. We will always be like sisters. We will always be in each others' lives. But, it's different now that we can't just get together and have dinner or lunch or go see a movie any old time we want.
37. What was your favorite moment of the year?
Waking up on a random morning, rolling over, seeing Q lying there next to me, and realizing (again) that I married this wonderful man and he loves me just as much as I love him. The best part? It wasn't just one moment...I got that a bunch of times this year.
38. What are your plans for 2008?
Writing. Finding a job. Spending as much time as possible with my husband. Travelling to England and Scotland with my parents and Q. Writing. Writing. Learning to ballroom dance. Writing. Writing. Writing. And Writing.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
I have learned how to let the people in my life help and support me. I have learned that I need to do that. I have learned that I don't always have to be the strong one. This is a more difficult lesson than you think it is.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I'm through accepting limits
'cause someone says they're so.
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
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| 2007-12-25 19:01 |
| Reminder |
| Public |
| hopeful |
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I need writing prompts. Go here, please and read why...then leave me one.
*smiles*
Thanks!
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tired
busy
creative