Well, don't belive the hype. The supposed energy put toward helping homeowners negotiate with predatory lenders is bullshit. And the renewed interest of mortgage companies in negotiating and beginning to treat homeowners fairly? Also bullshit.

We'd been working with the Hope Foundation -- a group sponsored by the government and a group of banks -- and we'd even done conference calls with CitiBank. Jimmy had the name of a counselor he'd been working with at CitiBank and he'd faxed the needed paperwork to them, including a letter of hardship and income statements. We called today to find out whether they had looked over the info yet and if they were going to work out a deal with us -- wether they would stop the foreclosure and lower our sky-high monthly payments that had been jacked up by hundred and hundreds of dollars due to bogus interest/legal charges. And the idiot at CitiBank didn't even know who Jimmy was, didn't recall talknig to him, or doing 3-way calls with the Hope Foundation!! He said he never got the faxes. Finally he found some, but was missing a bunch -- which is bullshit because we sent them all together and have the receipt. Fucking criminal morons.

So, no. They aren't negotiating. They will lower our payments somewhat by extending our loan length if we give them 10K by Friday. WTF? Will they freeze the foreclosure for a few weeks until we can get the 10K? Of course not!! Taking homes is their business, not working with homeowners. It's capitalism under George Bush, of course. If you are working class and live paycheck to paycheck? Fucking pull yourself up, losers. Right?

So, the foreclosure court date is the 8th. I don't know what we will do. And, thing is, no one with any power actually gives a shit.

Jimmy has put 100,000K into the house so far. So, really, he's losing a lot. He loves our home and his garden and studio, the kitchen and the floors and the trim he installed himself. He basically built the houses with his own hands after he got sober and bought the property -- it was only half-done and had been in a fire. He's very sad. And scared. And he cries and tries to work in the garden; it's all he can do. And it breaks my heart because he's my best friend.

We were at Jimmy's office and we going to talk to his boss/partner about giving him the money to pay of this 10K (he already has 3500K). His boss never pays him to begin with, which was the entire reason for this mess and has been a cause of struggle since day one. Jimmy doesn't quit because he worries about finding another job and John is skillfull at manipulating people. He coerces Jimmy into staying, gives him false hope and enough praise to string him along. He's an abuser. He's the same one who refused to hire one woman because she was chubby then hired a young "hot" woman and stared at her ass all the time. He makes constant comments about women's bodies in the workplace and is a clinical narcissist. In fact, I think he's a sociopath. Today, he demanded I leave the room and I said I wasn't going to leave, that Jimmy and I were partners and Jimmy said he wanted me to stay, he needed my support. Well, this asshole became enraged and told one of the techs to call 911 and said he was going to have me arrested or thrown out. LOL. The tech pretty much ignored him; he was just trying to flaunt his power and scare me or something. Fuck of, loser. I mean, how ridiculous do you get? My mom said if someone behaved that way to an employee or their spouse at her newspaper, they'd be fired. This is just not how you run a business.

So, FUCK YOU REPUBLICANS! AND GEORGE BUSH. AND AMERIQUEST AND CITIBANK. AND ALL OF BIG BUSINESS. AND JIMMY'S BOSS JOHN BOWLING, WHO'D HAVE BEEN SUITED FOR ENRON HAD HE BEEN BRIGHT ENOUGH. AND FUCK CAPITALISM IN GENERAL. FUCK YOU AND FUCKING DIE! I am so tired of you. YOU DESTROY LIVES.

We watched Better than Chocolate tonight, which has always been a really sweet movie. Jimmy liked it, too. I like lesbian films way more than gay guy ones.

THEN, we bought this atrocious film called Escape from Suburbia. What a piece of crap. It was utterly tedious to watch the profiled folks drone on and on with all their wonderful ideas. Gardens...gardens are the answer!

Perhaps, partially, yes. I don't disagree with that at all. I think America needs to change its values. That's not the point.

The most obnoxious couple was an upper-middle class white hippie pair from Portland. They were so pretentious in their pseudo-radical way -- and so condescending -- but worst of all, so self-congratulatory. They seemed more interested in their identities as heroic hippies than in what practical policies could actually be implemented to help solve the problem. Their solution? Move to Canada where all upper-middle class white liberals go! I wouldn't normally mind their moving -- I often toy with the daydream of moving to the UK -- but don't talk up a storm about what special snowflakes you are, how the rest of America is ignorant and how "brave" you are in your "solution" when your solution is no solution at all...other than fleeing the problem. The dude claimed that people thought he was full of BS because he was an aging hippie. No, that's not why people think he is obnoxious. Aging hippies rock. He is obnoxious because he talks in circles for 45 minutes without ever saying anything. And because he has a giant van decorated with vegetables and peace signs with the name Veggie Van Gogh. Cute, right? Maybe. But again, I felt like their whole deal was a lot of hot air, more about their progressiveness and less about action.

Furthermore, what a luxury to have such solutions within one's reach. To pick up, move to another country and have a house built in an ecovillage, farmland and all. Must be nice. Let's not stop to acknowledge that this solution is not a viable one for most Americans. And if I heard one more upper-middle class, educated white person bemoan "Walmart shoppers", I think I'd probably have broken the TV. Jimmy and I finished it, I think, just to prove we could.

I don't disagree with the most basic premise of the movie -- about peak oil and a scaling down of the way we operate economically, of transitioning to more community-based production and the like. I don't think little neighborhood gardens are going to save everything. I think it's a start, better than nothing. I think community gardens might represent a value shift that could possibly remedy the problem, but I think larger issues -- particularly political and economic ones -- were largely ignored in the film in favor of privileged self-aggrandizing. At the end, the woman who'd fled to Canada said people tell her she's so brave, that she's a hero. She says, no, no she isn't. But, guess what, she's decided they're right -- she is brave after all! Congratulations, lady, here's your cookie. Enjoy your Canadian ecovillage. For those left behind? Those who cant afford to move? Who can't locate to an ecovillage? Who might not even know what an ecovillage even is? Ah, fuck 'em, yeah?

The other folks all talked constantly about doing something -- just do something, they said. Get off your ass and do something. Way to talk down to people who feel trapped within a system they feel they have no influence over. Some people can't act. Some people can't build their own garden -- they may have no land. Some people can't up and flee to Canada -- they may have no money. Some people can't install solar panels -- they may have no home to put them on. Some people can't avoid Walmart -- there may be no other stores in town. Some people can't go to the local produce market -- one may not exist. Not everyone lives in charming NYC or progressive Portland. There is a monthly farmer's market here, but whenever we have gone, they've not had enough to make meals from and much has been damaged or is in otherwise poor condition. These people are deluding themselves.

Which brings me to my biggest issue: these folks completely disregard needed changes in the system. To fix this crisis, we need a vast structural makeover. This does required a value shift, I'll give them that. But the value shifts they talk about do nothing for folks who lack the resources to implement those new values into their lives. They can detest Walmart and mock those who shop there; they can praise local food. But if there's only a Walmart in town and they don't have a car or gas to drive an hour to a place fashionable enough for a cute little co-op, they're kinda SOL.

On a similar note, I do wonder how many ecovillages will be needed to sustain the entire population of the whole fucking world.

Anyway, I looked up this film since I was so fully annoyed. Here's one review that I thought hit the nail on the head:

http://carolynbaker.net/site/content/view/90/

And this, too, though less so:

http://gristmill.grist.org/story/2008/5/5/223145/7312


Here is a...confident?...comment left by the van driver who fled to Canada on a message board about the movie. I think he's a special snowflake. And here is his van. http://www.bytesmiths.com/wiki/Veggie_Van_Gogh

( Read more... )

After some bad experiences with more mainstream alt-typed social events -- oh, the irony of mainstream alternative parties! -- I'm wanting to have an explicitly queer- and trans-friendly get together.

Jimmy and I are thinking about hosting a party next weekend. It would be a dinner party + social event + play party (for those interested). Long story short, I think it'd be fun to have an inclusive get together hosted by and for people who are queer or trans in some way; you don't have to be queer or trans to attend, but you must understand that it will be a queer- and trans-affirming space and marginalized voices won't be silenced as I've seen happen in other places.

I want to do it on a weekend that a good number of folks can attend. I know Flipside is two weekends from now, so I was thinking the week before that might work -- Saturday, the 17th. I also know GWNN is that weekend. Thus, if folks are deciding to go to GWNN -- despite its fair amount of gender and sexual normativity :) -- we can try to make this party the 31st of the month. Just give me some feedback!

Let me know if you'd be interested in coming. It's inclusive of all ages (over 18, that is, as I don't want to be arrested!), all genders, all body types, all sexualities, and all identities in general. If you drink, please be prepared to have someone to drive you home or plan on staying the night, so that you don't die or kill someone and have me sent to prison. :) Evidently, I am scared of prison!

I also want to make clear that if you attend for the dinner and socializing, you don't need to engage in the play activities. I may or may not, as I know many others are much more into the scene than I am. Even if you're not into BDSM -- kink really isn't your thing or you're trying to abstain from possible sex-related stuff -- please still come! I'll make sure you have a good, clean time.

If you can read this, you're invited! Let me know if this weekend would work for you or if you'd even be interested in this kind of thing.

I may be doing a LJ Friend clean-up again. This time, it may be a lot tighter. If you don't post much or never comment on my entries, I may cut you.

Basically, I am going through my list and if I don't remember you posting recently or remember you commenting recently (don't have to do both, but one or the other!), you will probbaly be removed.

My intent is not to be an asshole or block people I don't know or something. It's just that I have nearly 400 friends and never see most of them around LJ. Even if you never post or comment and get cut, I will add you back if you desire. I'm not picky. Just let me know. I only want to know that the people on my F-List are actually still users of LJ, still around, still reading, etc.

Also, if I know you from an old ED community and you post a lot about weight/food/ED stuff without a cut, I will probably remove you. It is not personal, but I find it triggering and have for a while now. :) I wish you all the best, though, in whatever you may do.

I also want to work at being more anonymous online, less out there, with my name in fewer places.

IF ANYONE IS CUT AND YOU MESSAGE HERE FOR ME TO ADD YOU BACK, I WILL DO SO IN A SECOND.

IF YOU HAVE ADDED ME, BUT I HAVE NOT ADDED YOU BACK, COMMENT HERE AND SAY WHERE YOU SAW ME OR WHY YOU ADDED ME AND I WILL FRIEND YOU BACK.

OKay, I cut about 90 people. My list is still so big! I think it is because I have so many communities.

If you were cut and don't want to be, let me know.

If you were not cut, yet you never comment or post entries yourself, you may be cut later on. :)

<3

Folks, I am doing a massive LJ clean up.

I have never done one, as I always feel guilty, but I have hundreds of friends and I don't know who half of them are. I tend to add everyone who adds me without checking into who they might be. Starting grad school and, hopefully, an academic career, I want to become more in tune to who reads my journal.

So:

• if we have never really talked or you haven't commented on my LJ, you may find yourself cut. It is nothing personal! I will add you back, if you simply ask.
  
  
• if you have not posted in a long time (I cannot recall seeing a post of yours), you are likely cut as I assume you are no longer around on LJ. If I am mistaken, and you are around reading, lemme know and, of course, you will be added back.
  
  
• if I noticed you have me added and I have not added you back, I probably will do so during my clean-up and see what happens. :)
  

NOTE: If you DO actually read my journal, for real, and find yourself cut OR are worried you might be cut, comment here and let me know and, like I said, I will make sure not to cut you or to add you back if you've already been cut. I don't mind people I don't know well reading my LJ, but I just want to narrow it down to folks who are actually reading me occasionally! :)

If you comment and say you want to be added back or do not want to be cut, please just tell me your age/general location and something about you (like if you are trans or gay or feminist or a sociology student or something). I will gladly keep you or add ya back if you ask me to, no problem.

The problem is not that I don't want folks I don't know reading; I merely have this idea that 200+ folks on my FList are no longer even around -- folks I added years ago -- and I don't want to clog my list with people who are no longer on LJ, but never canceled their account, or people who are here, but skim past my entries!

Thanks! :)

My LJ will soon become Friends Only. I have added everyone who has me listed as a friend since you sometimes read my LJ. In the future, people will have to comment to be added and I will feel almight. :)

This song I like too. Jimmy wrote it about me a year ago. You should hear him play it.

Lonely Heart

1.
rumpled sheets
soft indentions where you slept last night
honey sweet
love still ingering in the early light

It seems to me i can't afford
to leave this love so unexplored
yet love remains a two edged sword
that cuts this lonely heart

2.
loneliness
never realized until you went
such happiness
made me sure that you were heaven sent

what makes me want to give away
so much for just one single day
and makes it all worthwhile to say
i have a lonely heart

3.
empty rooms
silent spaces once so full of you
come home soon
fill my life with joy and laughter too

i never win 'til first i lose
i never love 'til first i choose,
but love don't come if i refuse
to have a lonely heart

This is my favorite song of Jimmy's. You have to hear the music. It's piano-based, I guess you could say. It is SOOOOO good. I stole the words from his notebook.

Nowhere Fast

We're going nowhere fast
Although to me you're so appealing.
Your walls I can't get past
If you won't tell me what you're feeling.
I tried to read your mind, but
That's a losing game I know
For what you hide just isolates us
From eachother so
And what's the point
Of going on?
If you won't even try?

It's hard to let you go
But look at al lthis mess we're making.
I'm leaving 'cause I know
That while I'm here
My heart is breaking.

This labyrinth of fear and feelings
Has no end in sight
If I remain I'll die
Or at the very least I might
Go lose my mind
But I'm not the kind
Of guy who'll go for that.

I'm going now, but you
Will never know how much I miss you.
My mind says leave, although
My heart still wants to hold and kiss you.

But love won't turn to hate
'Cause that's not how our story ends
For if we can't be lovers
Then at least can we be friends
Who loved and lost
Despite the cost
That loving you transcends.

God, my computer speaker sounds like ass.

I am in such an okay mood. It's weird. I think, sadly, it's being online again actually talking to people I relate to, even about things others would find superficial. I've been so down about certain crap lately, and since starting to interact with others like me again, I feel much more in control about said things. So, yay.

I made some new LJ connections and now have several new journals to read!

Wow, my total for school books is going to come to $616 used!!!

That is more than EVER. About twice as much actually and I'm only taking one more class than usual. Even if I only get books that are required or recommended and ignore those that are optional, it is still about $575!

Here is my schedule:

Art History 2301 T/TH 2 - 3:15
Biology 1320 T/TH 11 - 12:15
Interior Design 1321 M/W 12 - 1:50
Interior Design Lab W 4 - 4:50
Political Science 2320 T/TH 12:30 - 1:45
University Seminar M/W 3 - 3:50

The last one is SOOO stupid. It's a class to teach you how to make friends and get good grades at the college level and you have to take it even if it is your last semester before graduation -- it is required. Usually freshman take it their first fall there. As a transfer, I didn't get to, so now as a junior, I am taking a class to teach me where the gymnasium is located and how to buy a semester meal card.

Last night I was kept awake until 5AM by a show about the creepy connections between the FDA, food manufacturers and drug companies. Essentially, medications and medicine companies make everything a disease in order to make money. They want to keep everyone sick when really there are natural cures to many ailments, or "diseases", but natural substances cannot be sold as such because only drugs are allowed legally to "cure, diagnose or prevent any disease" (how can a drug diagnose something, by the way?) so for one to sell an herb or mineral as a cure or something, they must have a drug liscense which costs over 500 million dollars. It was said that what we don't know, even, is that only people with acidic bodies can get cancer and those with an alkaline body cannot and if one with cancer turns their body alkaline (whatever that means), the cancer goes away.

I was interested and believed it all when discussing depression, cancer, herpes, acid reflux, etc. but when they began talking about obesity as a "disease" and foods being made to make people fatter and hungrier -- ESPECIALLY DIET FOODS, I was really interested. They said there are ingredients (other than sugar and sugar-typed substances) put in foods to make people gain weight and stay hungry and that, of course, diet foods are best at this since they are targeting people who want to lose weight to begin with and keeping thin-seekers fat makes the most money.

SO, my question is, do organic foods and such sold at stores like Whole Foods and whatnot not have these uinhealthy, creepy-corporate additives? For example, they spoke about cow products and cow's milk and how these animals are given the growth hormones to make them big and we wonder why our kids are growing rapidly and maturing so early. Are these factors part of the motivation for those who eat organic, soy-typed things? I have always wondered this. I'm not into vegan or vegetarian foods for the sake of sparing animals, but I might be interested in more natural foods if I thought they were free from such abovementioned ingredients.

Does anyone here know much about organic foods? I am sure you do. I go into Whole Foods and feel confused because I don't often know the differences between the foods I see there and the foods at the local grocery. Any information about this type of thing. It might be fun to start eating tofu and soy and organic veggies. Like I have a friend w ho only drinks soymilk. What does this do?

Hippie advice please! I want to become more healthy! :)

I hate the weekends. I realize I just really don't know what to do without a never-ending stream of Roseanne, Full House, Who's The Boss, Fresh Prince, Wings and Boy Meets World. :(

And I am watching his confession to her via phone and I listen to him and I know what it's like to hear something that makes your heart fall out of your body.

Wow, though I only followed the Scott Peterson trial loosely, I'd just assumed that Amber Frey was a bitch. I DON'T KNOW WHY. I guess from media pictures of her looking cold and skinny with blond hair, the way her name's tied to the case, not as the woman who helped bring him to justice, but as the mistress of the accused. And you know mistress has a negative connotation. But I'm watching a Matt Lauer(sp?) special interview with her and she seems like the NICEST, most ethical person, as much a victim as Laci -- admittedly, not to the same degree. This should be a lesson in assumption and judgement, but I imagine tomorrow, I'll be just the same, just as judgemental, only with a different opinion of one single woman.