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| After being referred to the following link and reading the July 9th '08 blog entry, I just had to share this. For every woman in the world, please read this to laugh and cry in harmonious union. For every man out there, you came from a woman so you might want to just come to understand this little jewel of insight.
http://relocatedwriting.blogspot.com/2008/07/hmm.html
As a good friend of my KP said on-line: ooo boy-I am printing that one out and posting it on the fridge at home and giving my mother a copy as well!
Perhaps I'll print one out and hand it around to the women in my life. . .
Namaste | |
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| I feel that it's time for a little self assessment. Perhaps if we all did them more often, society would quit bitching so much. Which brings me to the things that help define and identify me . . .
1) Honest - to a fault. I've had strong personalities as role models in my life. After having come out of the closet over 15 years ago, I've been way more open to speak my mind. I'll admit, it tends to give me attention. Would I change it? Yes, but only in ways that allow others to understand best what I'm saying. I do not desire to be passive all the time.
2) Absorbing - as in information. No I'm not a super geek of brain feats, I just like to learn things that appeal to me and utilize again later. I've decided to live up to the meme of what a Scorpio is - an information collector. However, my take is that I take in the things that I expect to be useful later, not useless. Granted everything is valuable, but to what degree is always up for discussion and potential disagreement.
3) Gay - funny how this ended up being third as I write them off the top of my head. Is it really that big a deal that I identify as such? Well, yes. It is a part of who I am and touches many portions of my life. Of late, I've been mulling over going back to school on-line for my master's degree. I've already found the potential in what I'm thinking about a focus on, Master's of Liberal Arts: Gay Male Studies, The Bear Community Subset. Trite? Not sure. What I do know for sure that it is just as complex as any other society grouping/subset. What would I do with such a degree? Most likely pursue academia as a career. Not that I wouldn't mind warping young minds in the future generations. <EG>
4) Insightful - as a way of seeing more than what is on the surface. Perhaps this is my sixth sense. I find myself usually in conflict with how to deal with the many opportunities that arise in which I feel a pull to do something - mostly in taking time to speak with someone; get to know them better, see how they are doing in their life. When I think of this, it harkens back to a conversation I had years ago with old friend about how not everyone wants your advice/assistance. Becoming that in the future though seems to be where I'm drawn toward.
5) Passionate - how awkward to try to define this. Do I use this word because I love what is sounds like? Is it the 'cool' thing to be and do? What about me is passionate? My interest in things. I know very well that I dive in deep when I get into something. It's the getting out of it and into something else that becomes challenging.
6) Interactive - doing things that matter with others. I don't always have to be busy running around doing things, which has been nice of late. But I know that sitting around and doing nothing feels less than fulfiling. Working with others on projects is highly challenging, especially when the vision and end game strategy isn't clear or cohesive for all involved, including me.
7) Engaging - along the lines of interesting people to do and be. It is this part of my skill as a trainer I miss most. Being a developer of the materials is fine, but I am really looking forward to going out to Mesa again for work for 3 weeks so I can be a part of what I enjoy best.
8) Dynamic - not over the top, but not drying paint boring either. Like my boss KBL calls me, 'the enterainment trainer' - I have a desire to open people thru example and instructing that they can be and do more than they are at this moment. Having trained folks to learn new skills has always been rewarding to me. Looking back, I think that is why teaching/instructing/facilitating has always been a constant draw for me.
Well there's more I'm sure to go on about, but I think this is a decent beginning of a list for now. It's late, in fact after midnight, and work begins in the morning. Two weeks from now I'll be in sunny Mesa, Arizona - woohoo! I get to see some friends, see some sights and enjoy it for all it is worth - WHILE working my butt off to launch this new training program and make it as successful as possible. Speaking of which, tomorrow I need to find out what the expectations are from the upper levels . . .
Namaste | |
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| I have been depressed over not posting anything of late (like nearly 6 weeks, but hey it's not like I didn't think about it at all). That said, this posting is taking the proverbial left turn at Albuquerque; which btw is a nice city - go visit some time. :) Life of late has been a large amount of thinking, considering, pondering, reconsidering, imagining and more. A conversation I had with one of my bosses yesterday had me vibrating with a shimmer of energy. I was discussing with her the life point that I am at and the feeling of what is coming into my life. There's something to take place in the future, I have no idea what that something is though. However, I revealed that even a child with not much self-esteem or the developed personality of today, I began to feel a pull towards greatness - whatever that might be. This all leads up to the following post which I've cut for the disinterested. Be that as it may, I'm going to get some things out of my head that have been bouncing around for some time now. This first one has to deal with company structures and specifically, wages. Food for thought folks - enjoy, mull over, discuss amongst yourself or comment to me. Namaste | |
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| so this holiday weekend had some assemblance of plans going into it. however, it has taken a different course that im kinda mixed up about. the person i've been interested in since last november found on thursday that he has to work mandatory overtime yesterday (friday) and today. so, yeah, it sucks. he says he feels bad. i'm not mad, just disappointed. i cancelled the hotel reservation i made (no financial loss there) and have stayed longer here with family that i came to visit on thursday night. but there's a part of my mind that will not just let go of the fact that i'm not happy about this. i don't necessarily think i'm being lied to here. it's more like i'm lieing to myself about my level of contentment regarding him and 'us'. truth is, i just don't see a togetherness for him and i. one naggy issue that my brain won't let go of is the personality factor i'll call it. don't get me wrong, he is a really nice guy - perhaps too nice in some respects. i keep going back to my thoughts about how even though i am a loud, brash, bitchy dominating personality in various respects. . . i don't have the energy to be that way 100% of the time. someone else needs to take control and drive. tell me what they want, tell me what to do but not piss me off at the same time. it's a tall order, I KNOW. give me some slack here okay? i want some level of content that makes me feel good, not uncomfortable. for instance - when he informed me about the change in things for him re: work, i waited for him to decide how things should go next. but instead i get asked about what i think and what i think we should do. ?? why do i have to decide and voice my opinion first? i mean surely i can, but i don't WANT to. i shouldn't have to. at least i don't think so.
there's also another area that i can not ignore. in fact, i'm pretty disappointed in myself on this one because it gets to the core of who i am, what i know for sure. i am an intimate soul. i love being physical, interactive, sexual. and that hasn't been there to date, especially the last part. i've talked with a couple of my friends and when i discuss this - they all look at me with that 'Guhrl, are you CRAZY?!?' kinda face. And that, says it all for me. It's almost like the building is on fire, there's smoke along the ceiling and it's not easy to breathe or see anything, yet there I am standing around waiting for the alarm system to go off and tell me to the get the hell out of the building. does that make me warped/ignorant or too nice to deal with reality? it's not a fun struggle to say the least. i've been single for 8 years and i decided that enough time has gone by for keeping my heart tucked away. and yet there's a part of me that is screaming about the fun and joy and stimulation of being single; the i'll do whatever the hell i want with whomever i want part of me. so needless to say, i have a war going on in my head right now. the good news is, i'm going to columbus tonight to see some friendly faces that will cheer me up instantly. my friend elijah black is having an album release party at wOOFS and matthew temple from nashville will be performing as well. i love these guys for their talent and having some of the best souls around. they make me happy and feel things that i just know are true to who i am. so i'm expecting good music and fun times with them. i also hope to see some guys from around the area that i know. that last part is a little iffy. the 'bar drama' continues after all these years in columbus it seems. the owner of WOOFS apparently for some people, charges too much and and and. i could not really care all that much since i'm not a big drinker of sorts. i just want to go and have a good time, 'nuff said. well i better get off the 'puter here and maybe clean myself up. i think it's time for some lunch. y'inzall have a great holiday weekend and take care namaste | |
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| Well it has been about a month since the last posting. Some things haven't changed while others have.
Haven't changed category:
~ Still waiting for resolution on the DF4 illness investigation with the Erie County Health Department
~ Still not happy with my weight gain from the past year
~ The daily in and out of life between laundry, sleep, watching shows on DVR (yes I'm still addicted to hgtv shows), actually like American Idol this year, LOST has gotten better and faster (FINALLY), Ugly Betty is high drama, CSI's season ending SUCKED ASS in an angry fan kind of way
Have changed category:
~ Work has been stimulating and challenging with the launch of a new project and today I got to work on a back burner project that's been waiting for 6 months
~ My emotions have been all over the place; specifically when it comes to the long distance relationship/getting to know David thing. Is it regular behavior to second guess yourself and trying to think about things without over thinking things?
~ Relating to the previous item, I attended my first leather run in Minneapolis/St.Paul last on Mother's Day weekend with David. It was actually mild/tame in comparison to my imagination and what I heard could happen. Life anything with life, the run has room for improvement and I walked away with an experience that gives me a few ideas on improving DF5.
That's about it for now. I think I'll be able to get more up dated as the summer kicks off.
Oh! This weekend for the holiday I get to see the Dad/Carol/Ryleigh, Heather/Tara/Mary/John and David along with spending Saturday at King Island in Cincinnati. Me and an amusement park with tons of rides - what was I thinking. . . .? | |
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| Ganked from ShelbyCub. . . this should be interesting.
IF YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine ... You're on my list, so I want to know you better!
BE HONEST! COPY FROM HERE THEN SEND DIRECTLY TO ME IN A COMMENT THEN, REPOST THE EMPTY QUESTIONS
1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
A.
2) What was your dream growing up?
A.
3) What talent do you wish you had?
A.
4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
A.
5) Favorite vegetable?
A.
6) What was the last book you read?
A.
7) What zodiac sign are you?
A.
8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
A.
9) Worst Habit?
A.
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
A.
11) What is your favorite sport?
A.
12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
A.
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
A.
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
A.
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
A.
16) Do you have any pets?
A.
17) What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly?
A.
18) What was your first impression of me? (hmmm...careful!)
A.
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
A.
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
A.
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
A.
22) What color eyes do you have?
A.
23) Ever been arrested?
A.
24) Bottle or can soda?
A.
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
A.
27) What's your favorite place to hang at?
A.
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
A.
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
A.
30) Do you swear a lot?
A.
31) Biggest pet peeve?
A.
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
A.
33) Do you believe in/appreciate romance?
A.
35) Do you believe in God?
A.
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you? | |
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| I know it has been way too long since I last posted. Needless to say the run has come and gone. In a quicky synopsis like review. . .
DF4 was a success. Feedback has been the best yet. No, we can't please everyone. Yes, I'm already in the planning stages for next year. The 5th anniversary just might be the year that I can bring together some ideas on things I've been kicking around for a long long time now.
Both families are doing fine. Tomorrow (actually today) is my cousin's birthday party on mom's side. Shouldn't be too bad. I get to my aunt and uncle's new crib anyways - lol.
Mom's doing fine, more active and has been getting around without any support (cane, walker, etc) for months and months now. :)
Dad's fine as well. The Princess (aka my treasure of a niece Ryleigh) keeps him and Carol busy. She's turning out to be the perfect child to corrupt in the best of ways as she grows up. Hey, she's already sassy and spunky at just over two years old - I LOVE IT!
The special man and I have been talking regularly and he was here for the run weekend. We didn't quite get in our together time as hoped for due to some unforseen things, but we're cool with that. He's going to be at a leather run in Minneapolis in May and asked me if I would like to join. I've agreed and have begun prelim plans for the work schedule along with travel (driving the whole way baby - still cheaper than a plane!) and trying to figure out my finances to make it happen.
There's actually quite a bit more I want to write about, but it's late and I'm tired. More to come soon and more often, I promise.
Namaste | |
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| So tonight is Sunday night and I usually watch Extreme Makeover Home Edition, or as I call it, my weekly cry session. This week was no exception. In fact, I think I cried more than any other week I've had while watching the show. This weeks episode family included their 19 year old son who was born with what most was title as disabilities. However, the story shown really proved differently. He is an amazing musician and has one of THE best outlooks on life and interacting with it. One of the reasons I enjoy watching this show is to reaffirm the part of me that looks for what is missing in the day to day of my work life currently. All too often I feel that we disconnect more than ever with our world full of technology (as I sit here on my laptop watching t.v. on DVR - LOL), gadgetry, and fast paced 'me me me' personalities. People wonder why I give so much time and effort to the Burgh Bears and the bear runs, and the reality is that I get much out of all of it. What I enjoy most is taking the desire to make a positive impact in the world with my love and passion for the bear community. It's all about taking the ordinary, finding the extraordinary in it and showing that to the world. Hopefully we can continue to inspire each other and pay that forward into the world.
Namaste | |
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| Last night was the Burgh Bears Potluck Social Dinner for this month. Hugh and Lee were great hosts and very gracious to open up their home to us after just having moved to Pittsburgh a mere 3 months ago. The get together was a nice time for us to hang out and just enjoy the things that the club is all about, fun and sharing laughs and friendship. I personally enjoyed the lovely answered desire I had come as a surprise last night. Over a week ago, a local discount grocery store had gotten some cajun food items in and I've been nuts about the andouille sausage (a spicy smoked pork sausage popular in creole/cajun cuisine). I was thinking about making jambalaya for the potluck but realized I didn't have time to get it done quickly and in time for last night. So when I saw that someone brought it themselves, I was really pleased. Even more, it was REALLY good - just the right amount of spiciness. There was so other good food too - lol. I for a rare moment, totally cheated and bought pre-made candies and soda. However, despite my personal reservations in not making something from scratch, the Ferrero Rocher candies were a huge hit. So all in all it was a good time and I'm glad that a bunch of us had the opportunity to talk about various items from Pittsburgh social issues, gay community topics, dynamics of being a growing club, history of the gay community in Pittsburgh and of course - opinions about sex. . . LOL. I'm just glad for everyone turned out including a few faces we haven't seen in a long while. I'm looking forward to the future good times that mirror what we had here. :) | |
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| I sometimes wonder how I keep track of things and get stuff accomplished, honestly. It's been a long time since I felt myself pulled in so many different directions. This time of year always proves a little challenging due to preparing for the run, doing stuff for the club in Pittsburgh, work and then there's a personal life. Wait, a persona life? Why does it feel like that time a week ago when I was busy searching around for something in the house that I completely forgot I had placed strategically in plain sight? Maybe I should look less hard and I might find my personal life again.
Things of late have been really great, despite my approaching overwhelmed. I've been working just under 50 hrs a week since the 1st of December. The OT has been very much appreciated, especially since it has bought me the brand new shiny laptop sitting in my lap this very moment. I'm in love with it and recognize it's extreme overdueness. The old one is up in the bedroom on the desk replacing the desktop that died a few months ago. I still use the other laptop a little bit however I'm finding that it's rather S-L-O-W and makes an awful lot of noise. LOL. The preparations for the run are going rather well. We've had an incredible turnout for folks registering this early in the phase to date. In fact, we're at 138 registrants at the moment with more expected to come in the future. I'm thinking we're definitely going to sell out, which is huge compared to things last year. We've already surpassed the total number of registrants from DF3. The part that has been something I didn't quite expect was the sheer numbers so early. I guess I thought it was be more like last year with a large number of registrants coming in during the last two weeks of February. I must say that it is exciting and makes me very happy to see so many guys wanting to come and enjoy the fun times we put together here.
With the Burgh Bears, the board has great initiatives underway for this year already and I'm very proud of the goals we have right now. This might just be one the best years the club has ever had. And even more so, I'm already working on WOOF'08 planning items right now - YES, while getting DF4 ready. This month's meeting however was canceled and rescheduled due to real nasty weather down in Pittsburgh. My hope is that we'll not only achieve everything we're working towards but also surpass some stuff along the way.
Home life can summarized in sleep, laundry and TONS of multi-tasking. In the past two weeks, I've gotten back into working out on the TotalGym. I've been very lazy for the previous half year. So much so, I've gained nearly 30 lbs from last summer until now. Which means, I'm on a mission to reverse his and pronto. I'm trying to do things a little different this time around though and actually eat on a regular basis as far as time goes. I've been concerned in paying attention to my energy levels and moods that I am most likely becoming a candidate for early/pre-adult diabetes. The weight gain is a big issue for that and that's one of the reasons I'm looking to drop some pounds. Plus, I recognize several items like my clothes don't fit and I'm finding my reflection in the mirror less attractive then previously.
Well, it's getting to be that magic time where I'm going to pass out if I don't get my butt into bed. I hope everyone enjoyed their Day of Love on Thursday. I know I was thankful for my experiences thus far in The Year of Love.
Namaste | |
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