| up and down burn |
[Sep. 5th, 2008|12:16 pm] |
I will write more later, but I figure I'd repost what I wrote for my Flickr set, a set of photos that will be fairly small, unfortunately.
It was an up and down burn for me this year, and I haven't yet figured out what to make of it all.
I had grandiose plans that did not come to fruition. I felt more connected at times and less connected at others. I had some great experiences and some trying ones. I did some things I've long wanted to do, some things I've been avoiding, and in the doing, I learned a lot about myself.
And I lost a lot of stuff. Like, a lot. None hurt as much as losing my first memory card which had over 500 Burning Man photos, about two-thirds of the total that I took there. But among other things, I also lost my toy WALL*E, the bone that I used to hit the flaming gong at Camp Liminal two years ago, my lightsabers, most of the clothing I brought (including costumes and my Cato softball t-shirt), my wallet, cell phone, my point-and-shoot camera, tent, keys, and car. Yes, I had to hitch a ride back to California and then hire a locksmith to get back into my place.
But I also gained an appreciation of myself and my ability to handle a difficult situation, as well as renewed faith in humanity due to all the help I received.
But dammit, I want my photos back. :(
I still have my Digital Rebel camera, but I've promised it to somebody and will be mailing it off shortly. I don't know when or if I'll replace it. |
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| the staring contest |
[Aug. 20th, 2008|09:50 pm] |
While there may be a myriad of methods to alleviate boredom, it's hard to think of a more effective one than sheer depression. Although they say time flies by when you're having fun, nothing makes the hours fly right by quite like the utter and indifferent numbness to time itself.
Still, while effective, it is hardly efficient (assuming one measures efficiency in the traditional economic sense of productivity over time), for it is equally hard to think of a more effective filter of potential creativity. Every idea becomes idiotic, not worth the perfectly good ink or paper it would take to write it down. Every image becomes clichéd, a waste of even the virtual and endlessly recyclable pixels that it would take to capture it.
Even the time that usually spawns ideas simply drips through the drain as you stand in the shower, oblivious to the water striking your back even as it begins to sting with red streaks. The hours flee wordlessly from the awesome destructive power of self-doubt and apathy. You react to every tiny setback with a panicky retreat to the dark solitude of the bedroom, where you lie in bed, gazing at where the window would be if you hadn't so frantically covered it up in a pique of destructive productivity.
And perhaps the only entity in the world capable of winning a blank staring contest against a depressed person... is the blank page.
But today? Today it was the page that blinked. |
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| how I got my act together |
[May. 20th, 2008|11:33 pm] |
Early this semester, when talking to Prof. Ortega, the chair of SJSU's economics department, it became apparent to her that I wasn't the same confident person she'd spoken to a few semesters ago. That guy was so sure where he wanted to be, had a good idea what he needed to do, and knew he had what it took to get there. But here I was now, plagued with serious doubts about my ability to make decisions and to even make a difference in this world.
So she offered me the teaching job in the fall mostly because she could tell I needed to buy some time to get my head on straight and figure things out. But above that, she gave me some unusual advice on how to clear out issues. I was rather dubious about it, so I didn't immediately give it a try. But about a month and a half ago, I was at the end of my rope, becoming self-destructive to the point where I was starting to physically harm myself. So I gave it a try. And it worked. It worked so amazingly well that I just had to share it.
( Read more... ) |
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| career update |
[Apr. 18th, 2008|01:02 pm] |
Okay, as I've mentioned, I'll get my Master's in Economics from SJSU in August. This is assuming I pass Section II of the comps, but I have an A+ so far in the class which that section covers, so that should be no problem (as long as I study). What comes afterwards?
I had mentioned one option was to teach a couple of classes at SJSU in the fall. That option became a lot more official this week when I received the fall course listings and an order form for the textbooks I would use for the class! Yes, I am so nerdy that I took a photo of the former. The thought of teaching both excites and frightens me. On the one hand, I am totally geeking out to how I would design the class and picturing myself teaching it. On the other hand, I'm not much one for public speaking, although I am more comfortable doing it than I was a few years ago. But as everyone has told me, it gets easier with practice, so I'm not too concerned. If I am meant to teach, I think it will be through my writing, not in the classroom. But I don't know enough to make that call, and either way this would be valuable experience. I have gotten used to talking to econ majors and grad students and libertarians, and I want to be able to reach beyond that.
As for the Koch Associates Program (KAP), I found out this week that I have a phone interview for Saturday morning! Wish me luck, cuz A) I found out that a couple of friends of mine heard back that they didn't get into KAP, and B) the latest IHS newsletter says that they've received more and better applicants this year for the Koch Fellowship (no word on the Associates, but I would presume a similar trend). So that 14% acceptance rate from last year might be on the high side. Still, I believe I have a strong application with a lot more real-world work experience than most, and that should also help me in the interview (along with my natural charm -- people have told me that I have this, for what it's worth).
Should I not get into KAP, I'll attend a few IHS and FEE seminars and take a summer course or two (probably Social Psychology, as it's a field I'm considering for further study). Maybe travel. Maybe just reflect on my future. Maybe I'll go back to Burning Man this year. I dunno. I'll hear back from the Koch Foundation at least by May 1st. I probably shouldn't do too much planning until then. And if I do get into KAP, I will need to figure out what to do with my place. I'm leaning towards renting it out at least for a while as I decide whether a policy career and DC living is for me (and also giving me a chance to better explore the neighborhoods before I commit to anything). So if you might be interested in a place in Sunnyvale (off of Fair Oaks, near 101), one might be available in June. Although Rachel T. gets first dibs. |
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| contemplating a tattoo |
[Apr. 17th, 2008|01:57 pm] |
For the longest time, I've wanted to get a tattoo but couldn't decide what to get. Something that permanent ought to say something about me, and as I'd gone through a lot of changes in the past few years, I wasn't really sure what would be right. Most of my ideas involved fish, like maybe in a Pisces or Yin Yang arrangement.
But no, I think I know what I want. In blood red, "Perfectly Good Ink." I'm not sure what font, but given that it's from the Milton Friedman quote, "Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless," I think one of the fonts on the dollar bill ought to do quite nicely.
For me, of course, the strongest connotation of ink would be my love of writing (which, I know, hasn't been all that apparent here as of late), which I do think is perfectly good. But it can be interpreted many different ways. Now, at first I thought maybe it wouldn't be a good idea, because it'd be associating myself with worthlessness, but no. Friedman is talking about public ink on public paper. This would be private ink on a private person, and thus that it has a much more valuable outcome is part of the point.
As you might recall, I chose perfectlyGoodInk as an alternate username to fling93 a while back, and as somebody commented that it made them think of tattoos, I figure the name would fit even better if I made it into a tattoo. And I think it would be cool.
Well, a libertarian-econ-nerdy sort of cool.
Thoughts? Tattoo artist suggestions?
And to get a little libertarian-econ-nerdy, yes, the quote is a slam on fiat currency. I'm not exactly a gold standard proponent (and neither was Friedman, who advocated rules-based central banking policy). I am sympathetic to the gold standard as something that would better control inflation and not exacerbate business cycles, but I think I lean more towards free banking. Not that I'm an expert on the topic by any means. |
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| a poem about free markets |
[Apr. 2nd, 2008|05:04 pm] |
As I may have mentioned, this will be my last semester of coursework at SJSU (although I won't get the degree itself until August, due to paperwork issues). So I'm faced with the question of what I should do afterwards, as I am still rather undecided between policy and academia. One of the policy options is the Koch Associates program, which is kind of like a year-long internship program, but instead of a stipend, you get paid a salary commensurate with your experience (some of which is covered by the Charles G. Koch foundation) plus benefits. It's very competitive (they had a 14% acceptance rate last year), so my other main option at this point is to teach a couple of economics principles classes at San Jose State in the fall while I prepare to apply to Ph.D. programs. Alternately, I may just look for a policy job.
The Koch Associates application was interesting. In addition to a resume, they asked several short essay questions... plus a poem relating to free markets that begins with the words, "Roses are Red..." As you might have guessed, I had quite a bit of fun with that one. For those of you well versed with the libertarian movement, you can probably skip down to the poem. For the rest of you, it requires a little bit of backstory (like some of my previous poems did -- note, that post is friends-locked).
( Read more... ) |
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| Writer's Block: Love This Artist |
[Feb. 4th, 2008|11:30 am] |
Wassily Kandinsky, of course. |
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| what I've been up to |
[Jan. 16th, 2008|02:13 pm] |
Sorry that I've been remiss. Here's a quick recap.
Semester done. Grades in. 2 A's and 2 A-'s. Very pleased, as I was expecting a B or B+ in Advanced Microeconomics. The professor of that class only covered math problems and glossed or completely skipped over the material I found interesting, like the psychology and game theory. The other A- was in Sociology and was because I blew off a paper to study for the comprehensive exams. Which brings us to:
The comps. SJSU's master's program in econ is capped by comprehensive exams instead of a master's thesis. You have three attempts to pass it, there are three sections, and you only need to retake sections that you didn't pass in previous attempts. This was my first attempt, and I was concentrating on passing Section 1. Well, I was quite glad to find that I passed both Section 1 and Section 3. I hadn't yet taken the class covered by Section 2, Advanced Macro, and will be taking it this spring, so things are lined up pretty well and I should still finish school in May.
I finally quit my job as a part-time software engineer. My heart just wasn't in it for so long, and I'm sure this was becoming obvious to everybody. I have plenty of savings, so money shouldn't be an issue as long as I budget a little better. Not sure what I'll do with the extra time. I'd mentioned to the econ chair that I'd be interested in tutoring, as I was kinda pitching in for free a lot last semester, but I just heard (as in five minutes ago) that the slots were full.
She had both bad news and good news. Although the tutoring slots were full, she'd asked the Koch Foundation a while back to help fund some students, including me. I'm getting a grant from the Koch Foundation! Holy crap. That's pretty dang timely.
Anyway, things continue to go swimmingly with Erin. My family and friends seem to like her. The concerns I'd had going into this thing have pretty much been allayed. So I'm feeling good about this. I'm not keen on even thinking about moving in together until after she's experienced living on her own (she lives with her parents right now), and she knows this, so I think it'll be a while before this gets really serious. But we love and respect each other and are happy together (and the sex is awesome!), so that's enough for now.
I've also been watching a lot more football as of late, and not just because my beloved New York football Giants are in the playoffs. I've actually watched every single playoff game, and this is not something I usually do (indeed, I almost completely stopped watching the sport altogether in recent years). And I've really enjoyed almost all of the games. I've really missed football. This is a topic I hope to explore in more detail later.
And the topic that's been plaguing me for the past week, the Ron Paul racist newsletter fiasco. I've been reading a lot about the whole thing, not so much because of Paul's campaign, but because it shocked me to learn about the paleo-libertarian wing of the movement (which split off from the Cato/Reason wing) that appears to actively pander to racists, neo-Confederates, anti-semites, homophobes, and other fringe elements. I and the Cato/Reason wing find these beliefs inherently unlibertarian, and as a Taiwanese-American who grew up on the East Coast being regularly called a "chink," this hits really close to home. In fact, it has me re-evaluating my career plans, because I'm not sure I could work for a libertarian movement that has (aside from Tom Palmer) remained so silent about the paleo wing's unsavory ties for so long. But Cato has always kept their distance from the Paul campaign (which mystified us interns at the time), which I suppose is something. Still, I'm reconsidering academia, as I may have ruled that out prematurely.
I have a lot more to say on this topic, but if you want to read more, I'll direct you to this reaction by David Boaz (the executive vice-president of Cato), this post by Steve Horwitz (an economics professor in the Austrian tradition who I saw lecture at FEE) and this excellent piece by Reason. |
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| Why libertarians should care about campaign finance reform |
[Nov. 9th, 2007|10:41 am] |
For your edification, here's another work in progress. As some of you might recall, I used to volunteer a little for the California Clean Money Campaign. This is an issue where I'm still trying to figure out the best solution, and an issue where I am in opposition to most libertarians, who are in opposition to any spending limits because that would be a restriction on your freedom to transact.
Anyway, while interning at the Cato Institute, I had the honor of Roger Pilon giving us interns a seminar on Constitutional Law. After all, many of us libertarians believe the Founders intended for government to be much smaller than it is now, and the Interstate Commerce Clause in particular has been stretched ridiculously (the Gonzales v. Raich Supreme Court decision on medical marijuana is a prime example). During the question and answer afterwards, I asked him about campaign finance. I made the main point below, but in the back and forth, I think I got a bit repetitive. And since I hate it when others monopolize a discussion, I soon dropped it.
This David Weigel column on John Edwards at Reason Magazine repeats the point that I've often heard, which is that the solution to campaign finance is a smaller government with fewer favors to give. In response, I wrote this comment, which fleshes out my thinking on the topic:( Read more... ) |
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| anthropomorphizing corporations |
[Nov. 3rd, 2007|01:20 pm] |
This was a topic I'd been researching on and off (mostly off) for a long, long while (and indeed, I currently have the movie The Corporation rented out, which, although heavily biased to the left, makes some good points). The topic came up on an e-mail list among the SJSU econ folks regarding Google and China, and I sent a very truncated version of what I've been working on, so I figure I'd repost it here. I eventually hope to make it a blog post when I flesh out the main points, put in links, and change the intended audience to be more general than the econ crowd.
Maybe. Eventually. I'm pretty lazy-arse about that sorta thing nowadays, obviously. But I'll hopefully be continually editing this.
It's kinda long and probably not of interest to most of you, so it's below the fold:
( Read more... )
I hope to write a real update of my life soon, but the short version is that everything's good. I'm doing well in all my classes and still expect to finish in May. I'm having an awesome time with Erin. None of my family or friends were harmed in the SoCal fires. And Miette continues to meow a lot. |
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| xkcd - Dating Pools |
[Sep. 9th, 2007|10:22 pm] |
Um, yeah. I guess I've long established that I will unabashedly shatter that creepiness rule. I imagine this will probably change after I finish school? Or maybe until I can no longer pass for someone in their mid-20s?
Do I get to claim an exemption cuz I didn't actually date until my mid-20s and essentially bailed on dating (via marriage) for most of my 30s? |
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| more delaying tactics |
[Aug. 25th, 2007|08:27 pm] |
I know many, many updates are overdue. Like my trip to Montreal and experience at Burning Man, I fear that I will never get everything down that I would like, which will paralyze me from getting very much written about the experience at all.
It's tough to sort out my feelings about my summer in DC. Don't get me wrong! I definitely had a lot of fun, and the summer flew right by, and on the whole, I loved it. Indeed, as I may have mentioned, I could see myself living there, at least for a while.
But hopes and expectations are forever my wretched enemy. To be sure, I had a worst-case scenario in my head (something about tripping over a computer and accidentally burning Cato to the ground). But it paled compared to the brilliant fantasy I had built up. For various things, not just the internship. And of course, the reality fell in between. Perhaps considerably closer to the best-case than the worst case, but still, a lot of the experience is colored with the disappointment. Unrealistic disappointment, I'm fully aware, but there it still is.
Perhaps I'll elaborate upon this shortly. Perhaps not. Either way, I did take plenty of pictures, and I will hopefully include an occasional story. Stay tuned to my Flickr for updates. Maybe I'll eventually try to tie everything together into some sort of coherent narrative someday after they're all uploaded (perhaps during the month of November, as I think ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) earthdog suggested). But maybe not. After all, the fall semester has already begun and there will be new narratives to write. Hopefully. |
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| much delayed DC update |
[Jul. 1st, 2007|06:23 pm] |
Man, there's just so much to catch y'all up on. Lemme do my best. But in short, things are going pretty damn well!
( Read more... ) |
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| oh, there be grades |
[May. 31st, 2007|02:33 pm] |
Grades were posted yesterday. I guess I haven't written much about classes this semester, heh.
I got an A in Money & Banking with Prof. Hummel, the guy to whom I probably owe my Cato internship. I was a little worried after getting a low B on the 2nd midterm, so that's a relief. And it was, frankly, the one class I really cared about.
I got an A- in my Psychology class on Drugs, Brain & Behavior. After getting a 76 on my 2nd midterm because I forgot we had a midterm that day and didn't study (which was, not coincidentally, around the same time as the 2nd midterm for Money & Banking and when my IM addiction was spiraling out of control). So I'm quite pleased. I'm not sure non-econ classes matter anyway.
I got an A- in my Policy Workshop class. That surprises me. I got an A on the midterm, participated in class more than most, did all the homeworks on time (except for the paper draft), and I thought I had a strong paper. I was thinking I had a shot at an A+. So WTF? Maybe my presentation sunk me? Oh, whatever.
And I got a B in my Math Methods for Economics class. Pretty much what I expected and what I deserved.
Not my best work, but I really prioritized my social and dating life this past semester. Which isn't so bad, considering that my career will depend a lot more on my social contacts than my grades. And so, the next two months at Cato will be a lot more important than my Math grade.
At least, that's how I rationalize this, anyway. |
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| silly procrastination poetry |
[May. 11th, 2007|03:35 pm] |
While procrastinating on my paper writing (which I did finish in time), I was productive in other ways. First, I Twittered this postmodern haiku:(Reaching|Clawing) for (compact|vivid|lengthy)
Words to (fit|fill) the (confines|expanse) of
The (given|rigid|flowing|ancient) framework It was a reference to both writing a haiku, writing my paper, and writing something for Twitter (indeed, it's exactly 140 characters long, which is Twitter's limit). Alas, Twitter kept eating the first two words when the first character was a parenthesis, so I added a space and dropped out "given." Oh, the lengths one goes to when they are procrastinating.
BTW, someone random added me as a Twitter contact (prolly cuz she saw one of my haikus on TWITTERKU), and I later noticed she had favorited the above one. Man, I wish Twitter would notify you when someone favorites one of your Twitters. As if I need it to be more addicting!
Anyway, then I wrote a limerick for Prof. Hummel, the one who wrote the letter of recommendation for me to Cato. He gives weekly 5 question quizzes but only counts the top 8 out of 12. Last semester, in his Macro class, once I got 8 perfect scores, I wrote the following "limerick" on my quiz instead of the answers (not my creation, but it's my all-time favorite "limerick"):There once was a poet from Thrace
Whose limericks never did rhyme
Except for the time
It rhymed in the wrong place,
But by then the meter was hopelessly screwed up. Tee hee hee! I like that the meter is actually already screwed up in the 4th line.
This semester, I wrote one. Note, Hummel's an anarcho-capitalist who wears a giant tie after the first midterm and always wears sneakers. So here's what I wrote:I know this great econ professor
Who sees government as oppressor.
His name is Jeff Hummel,
Socialists he will pummel.
And plus, he's a rather strange sharp dresser! Heh. He has a TA grade 'em, but I'm sure she'll point that one out to him.
There's one more to share, but I'm gonna friends-lock that one... |
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| UPS SUCKS! |
[May. 9th, 2007|08:59 am] |
Oh, this is ridiculous. I am still without my only ATM/debit card because of a fuckup at UPS:05/08/2007 5:05 P.M. THE ADDRESS LABEL IS MISSING OR ILLEGIBLE;THE ADDRESS HAS BEEN CORRECTED. THE DELIVERY HAS BEEN RESCHEDULED
05/08/2007 10:19 A.M. THE APARTMENT NUMBER IS MISSING OR IS INCORRECT. UPS IS ATTEMPTING TO OBTAIN THIS INFORMATION. So hopefully I'll get it today. I have all of $18 in my wallet, and apparently cannot obtain cash without the card because it is for an online brokerage. Should be enough to make it to the end of the week, if need be (if I make sandwiches for dinner), but I hate this unsettled feeling, especially with a paper due tomorrow.
Yes, I was a moron to have gotten kicked out of Mission Ale in the first place, and am apparently even more of a moron to be relying upon that card as my only source of liquid funds. But I'm not the only screwup here. Does the above status even make any sense? How can it take seven hours to get the correct address in an age where we have telephones and databases? Goddamn UPS. I've always hated their service. Plus what was up with Mission Ale closing out my tab for me and losing my card? Not cool.
Update: NOW they shipped it -- but to the wrong address. According to their phone maze, they left it at the front door of 615. And I went there and there's no package and no answer. And so I asked Merrill Lynch if they could ship it by any other means other than UPS because I always have these stupid idiotic problems with UPS (so many times I called to have a package held and then I get there and they say, whoops, they forgot to take it off the truck, or whatnot), but no dice. Tis their only carrier. So... maybe I'll get it tomorrow morning. I suppose it's a little bit encouraging that there are people even more idiotic than I am.
Update 5/10: Last night I found the card shipped to the wrong address at my doorstop. I guess whoever actually received it was nice and delivered it to the actual address on the label, which was correct. UPS morons. Alas, the card was already canceled, of course. But this morning, I did receive the new one and so now I'm back in business. Dang, I could've gotten cashed a check at Safeway? I had no idea. Did I mention that I was a moron? |
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[Apr. 28th, 2007|01:15 pm] |
The sleep problems seems to have mostly resolved itself, I think. Sorta. I woke up at 9 AM on Friday even though I didn't get to bed until 5:30 AM and didn't need to get into work at 2. Went through the day in a foggy haze. Went to bed early, around 8, but then proceeded to wake up every two hours and then couldn't fall asleep again around 6 AM. But after doing some more research for my paper, I was able to fall back asleep for a few more hours (yay for academic writing), and I feel mostly caught up.
So I think it's okay. Maybe it had to do with IM withdrawal? I dunno. On that front, I refrained from IMing in class except during Math, and that was mostly with Rachel T., who was sitting next to me, so it's not like I wouldn't have talked to her anyway in lieu of IM. And I made sure to cut down on other times as well by logging on less often and initiating fewer conversations. Although I have to admit it also helped that Rachel S. happens to be on a trip to Poland now and so hasn't been online herself.
Hopefully it's not too late. I got a low B- for a midterm in an easy class (more people in that class got A's on that exam than any other grade). My grade in that class is still a low A-, and the final counts as two midterms, but still... this is Hummel's class. Hummel, as in the guy who (unasked by me) wrote to the Cato institute to put in a good word for me. Yeah. And he wrote on the back of the exam, "You should be doing better than this!"
Thus the "I am a moron" on my Twitter.
But this is a good day.
( Read more... ) |
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[Apr. 20th, 2007|08:39 am] |
I've been having trouble sleeping for the past few days. At both ends: not being able to fall asleep at night, and then waking up too early in the morning and not being able to go back to sleep despite still being tired and not having to be anywhere (my slacker schedule has entirely free mornings except for my therapy appointments on Wednesdays). Yet I can nap on the light rail (have yet to miss my stop, luckily) and find myself nodding off at work.
Troubling. Not sure what the cause is. |
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| offline for a while |
[Apr. 14th, 2007|02:45 pm] |
In my Drugs, Brain & Behavior class in Psychology, we've learned that rapid reward is one of the factors that can lead to addiction. A drug that takes a long time to take effect will (all other things being equal) be less addictive than one that acts very quickly. Indeed, you can see this effect with the same drug taken via different routes (e.g. inhaling vs. ingestion).
Note, this also applies to other addictions, not just drugs. For example, the reward center of the brain involves the mesolimbic dopamine system, which is stimulated, not just by drugs, but by positive social experiences. Furthermore, anybody who knows how much of an online presence I have probably realizes that I have an Internet addiction. It seems to have gotten more acute in the past couple of years, as I've become a much more social person and have gotten exposed to various social networking sites. But I am sure the divorce also plays into that somehow. Plus my undying need for external validation due to my depression and low self-esteem (which will be a topic for another time). While they have improved quite a bit in the past few years, they still persist, which is why I'm in therapy, after all.
This addiction is becoming acutely apparent to me right now. My therapist has suggested that I lay off the instant messaging for a while. At least a week. I had some coordination to do in regards to that Space Party, and this was more convenient via IM, so I held off on trying this abstention until today. Although I've been rather productive today, I did spend a significant part of the morning writing e-mails in lieu of IMing and then checking somewhat compulsively to see if there are any responses. And a lot of my compulsive Internet behavior in the past has involved feedback, such as reactions and responses to my posts, journal entries, photos, comments, etc. (which is why Twitter ought to allow comments if they have any sense). There's that need for external validation.
And the ultimate in rapid feedback is, of course, instant messaging. After largely eschewing it until last year, I now spend an inordinate amount of time every day IMing (and almost exclusively with women who are, for various reasons, unavailable to me as far as dating goes -- but that's a whole other can of worms). It has, for a while, affected my work productivity. And it is starting to affect my schoolwork.
So... laying off for at least a week. Besides, I've got a paper draft due next week, along with two midterms. |
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| extra ticket for SPAAACE PARTAAAAAY! |
[Apr. 13th, 2007|10:58 am] |
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I have an extra ticket to Yuri's Night 07 tonight in Mountain View (doors open at 6:30, and the schedule is here). Anybody interested in it? $30 (vs. $40 at the door!). |
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