Filmfemme

Rating: **

Review: I think this is about chemistry; Troy and I just don't have any. I'm sorry, Troy. I know you're going to make a lot of other girls very happy. A lot of men too. You truly have a lot to offer, and they're lucky to have you. It's not you. It's me. I want a man who can make me laugh! Brad Pitt is sexy as hell and Orlando Bloom is prettier than Helen of Troy, but they couldn't make me laugh. I need a smart ass with boyish good looks and a penchant for playing Peter Gabriel songs outside my bedroom window.

I admit it; I was bored. It was long, and I didn't particularly like the characters or the love stories. Brad Pitt's good looks were a nice distraction for twenty minutes, but he had a terrible personality. Besides, if you analyze my celebrity boyfriends, I don't exactly choose guys based on muscle mass. I like charm and wit, and Troy lacked both.

I do have to give Orlando Bloom some credit though; he was a lovely damsel in distress. It was probably risky of him to play such a pretty little wimp after winning girls over with his Lord of the Rings heroics. In this movie, he's definitely a lover, not a fighter. Sadly, there's not much chemistry between Orlando and Diane Kruger, who seems better suited for a more modern setting.