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[Aug. 3rd, 2007|02:42 am] |
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I'm semi drunk on home made wine from the diesel man. I had a good night. Things are really starting to settle in. Brian is really moving. We made plans for like every night this next week. I hope we live them up. I'm broke, but the closing is soon, so I'm just going to work and wait for the tide to roll in. xoxo |
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[Jul. 30th, 2007|02:35 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
I got this candle today that smells like cut grass. How amazing. It makes me so happy. I hate candles. I'm going to start writing again... here. I noticed that no one posts any more... not since early last summer. Funny. |
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[Feb. 15th, 2007|11:18 pm] |
So there's this guy I know. He's got all these crazy couple's photo's up on his facebook of him and his girlfriend. It just made me laugh. That's all.
I worked 11 hours today and it majorly pissed me off because as I was ready to leave around the 9 hour mark and I got dumped with a crap load of work. And since both of my boss's are on vaca this week and our gm left early I couldn't put in my notice. Arg. I fucking have enough already.
I came home and was all go go about doing some more work on my house but job hunting takes tops right now. There's also blood on the wall. Apparently the cat kicked the dog's ass earlier. WTF. |
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| for the love of the sea |
[Feb. 15th, 2007|01:05 am] |
What a glorious 2.5 days off of work. Let's see, where to start... oh perhaps my transmission finding its place in death. All hail the Monte: my savior till further notice. Somehow working 6 hours was a half day to me. Eh, Monday's are like your Tuesday's to me anyway. And speaking of Tuesday... can I get a eff yeah for the snow: my raging excuse for not going into work and doing some mad work on my house. Today was my regular day off and I spent this Hallmark holiday at the auto show. I think my next auto will be a Jeep. We'll see. I might shed a few tears if I have to give up my sports car. I'll def have to put in some OT because being part of the home owners club automatically makes one a broke joke.
I spent my evening sanding and plastering up the rest of the walls. That's 3 days in a row now that I've done some major work. Hooha. My shins are bruised up and my hands all dried up... but I've got one more sand and touch up left before I prime everything and in 2 weekends my floors are getting refinished. So, I'm well on my way to my March Victory like I've planned.
Saw the second Pirates of the Caribean tonight as well. Pretty good. I love pirates. Last night we came across this movie called LOVE OBJECT on fear net... you can get it on OnDemand if you have Comcast... I don't know how to explain it for I don't think there are any words for it really. All I can say is if you want to see a really fucked up movie about blow up dolls, stalkers, and bondage, this is totally your movie.
Regardless of the 18 text messages I got today, some how I really did manage to forget that today was Valentines Day. Thank god I wasn't at work. I'm sure there was a stank of roses fluttering around the office. Gag me sober. Not that there is anything wrong with that because I'm sure if I had a boy who liked me and did super sweet things like that for me, I'd be all mush about being in love as well. BUT since I don't have a hot boyfriend (and never have) like that, I say FUCK IT cause I've got better things to do like hang drywall and stain some trim. And you know what they say about girls who know how to mudd... |
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| Crank |
[Feb. 12th, 2007|12:34 am] |
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Like all the rest of Jason Statham's movies, at first I don't like them, but they grow on me and some how I end up owning them. Snatch is still my #1. |
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| embracing insanity |
[Feb. 11th, 2007|12:32 am] |
So in the past 2 weeks I've heard of 4 deaths and 2 births. Holy shit I didn't even know one of them was pregs too! How awesome are new born babies? I was never a baby person, but they've grown on me since my friend had one. I still think they all look and stink the same, but eh whatever. My boss got a call on Friday at noon that her dad had passed away in the night. I was all sad as if I had met the man, but really I was sad because I remembered that I lost my dad too. She was freaking out because she had to call her brother and sister and tell them. I just sat motionless in my desk teary eyed because in my head a clip played of me breaking the news to each of my sisters, my mom, his brother and wife, his sister, my boss... me.
Well, since Gay December is over and January was an easy month, February pretty much marks the transition of me trying to move on with my life. 2-1 we closed my dad's estate file with the county and 2-2 I closed on my house. My goal is by the end of March to finish what my dad started on the house and find me in the rubble of what I called a life in the past year. If my dad taught me one thing and one thing only, it's that I'm the only one I've got in the world and things just don't happen - I have to make them happen. If my dad were to only teach me two things, it would be all that junk above, and that everyone else in the world is a dumbass and I'm the only smart one. Hahahah if you didn't know my dad, then you'd think we were snobs, but really we're just drunks.
Anyway, why myspace? I dunno. Livejournal is second my my link list and I just feel like writing. Don't ask me if I'm okay or tell me that things will be alright. Duh. I know things will be okay. I mean come on... I pretty much took care of everything regarding my father's name for the past year. I've busted my ass at work to pay the bills, fought to keep my home, managed my sanity, partied with my friends and family... I know things will be okay because they already are.
I feel a little crazy some times. Some times I don't ever want to speak another word as long as I live. Other times I can't shut up. I feel like the break in a symphony where you don't know if you should clap because that set is over or not.
As Henry B. would say... Some people never go crazy. What truely horrrible lives they must lead. |
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[Oct. 30th, 2006|11:12 pm] |
I figure if I keep tuning, eventually something will come in. |
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| Missing and Found |
[Oct. 24th, 2006|12:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
I'm so stupid. I forgot to lock the gate up last night and when Havoc went outside he decided to leave and party all night without telling me. He had 2 whole hours to roam before I even found out, so automatically I drove straight to the police station to report him and get animal controls number. Then I spent the next 2 hours driving around with tears rolling down my face looking for my boy. NO luck. I came home and was so exhausted from working on the house all weekend plus the few 3 hours of sleep I had the night before, that I passed out in my bed still in my cloths. I got 5 hours of sleep, rolled out of bed, brushed my teeth and went to work. I have no idea what happened today. Everything was like a hallucination. I called 5 of the surround police stations and animal controls to report him and just as I got off the phone with my sister the 16th district called me to say an off duty officer had found him and he needed to be picked up asap or he'd go to the pound. I dropped everything I was doing at work and ran out the door. My boss was like WHAT THE FUCK is going on?! hahaha He cut his paw and was dirty, dehydrated, hungry and very tired. He was so happy to be home that he wouldn't leave my side. We took an hour nap together and I went back to work for a few hours. When I got home I gave him a bath, gave him some more dinner, and set him up for bed. He's a little weird, but I think it's because he's tired and freaked out. He won't even play with Deacon. That's okay. I'm so glad he's back. I freakn' love that dog. |
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[Oct. 23rd, 2006|02:07 am] |
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My dog ran away from home tonight and it's all my fault. I forgot to lock the alley gate and now he's gone... 3 hours ago gone. I drove around and down every street here for an hour and a half, went to the police station, and called animal control. Where's my puppy?! I'm fucking upset. What am I going to do without my boy? Havoc come home. |
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[Oct. 22nd, 2006|05:17 am] |
Yesterday, I knew today was Sweetest Day. I don't give a fuck really. My affections of love do not need a Hallmark holiday to represent. You know who you are, and if you don't then you probably aren't one of them.
I got up this morning at the butt crack of the day to head off to work, but realized I had an appointment at 10am with the insurance agency. I now have my very own Home Owners policy with a big fat deductible and premiums and everything. Whatever. Well, work didn't prove to be any more helpful to the start of my day. Everything there was a big cluster fuck as usual. I left after lunch knowing that I would be called later in the day with some drama.
Anyway, I spent from 130pm Saturday afternoon to 430am Sunday morning working on my house. Building stairs, drywalling, mudding, eating pizza, running to Home Depot 8 times and bullshitn' with the neighbors when then came over to help. I'm tired man. I do have to say that I am forever greateful to my homey and forever in his debt, for without his help and random jokes, I don't know where I would be right now. To my neighbors as well. I don't think there are words for my thanks and appreciation. Fuck appraisers and lies. Give me 48 hours notice again and I'll fucking show you and your yuppie, loafer wearing ways.
Well, I'm sorry I missed breakfast and your parties. Not to mention all the calls I didn't answer or cocktails I did not drink tonight. Adulthood is a bitch. And to that one person who left me a happy sweetest day note at the end of my day - thank you for momentarily making me forget that I have to wake up in 3 hours. |
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[Oct. 18th, 2006|09:09 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Chicago | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the faint sounds of animal planet on my tv | ] |
That the elderly must poke things with their canes?! Seriously, I've seen it a few times already. I'm guessing it's like an extension of their arm, but honestly if I had long arms and could touch things a whole body length away, I don't think I'd want to touch things on the ground. Nor would something have such importance to detract from my destination while walking, especially if I was like 80 years old. You don't have much time left and yet grandma is stopping to examine wadded up newspaper. Does she think there is a sandwich in there? I'll just buy you lunch. Stop poking things!!
On another note, I blew a chunk of my paycheck today getting curtains for my bedroom. They look super hot. I feel more at home now. The room is more closed in. I felt like with all the window space, I was falling out all the time. I don't like being on the second floor of my house, but I guess now that I'm closed in and things are a bit more organized and in their place it's alright. I spent more money then I planned, but it doesn't matter because it looks good.
It's weird having a house. 3 years ago I was spending all my money on school. 2 years ago I was blowing all my extra cash on booze. 1 year ago I was saving for my 30 days in Italy. Now I have a budget so I can pay my mortgage, the cable bill, buy plaster, door frames, drywall, and utilities, buy dog food in bulk, buy my cousin's a present on their birthdays, keep my gym membership, get my season tickets to the demo derby's, auto shows, hot rod shows... oh yeah... sometimes I eat too.
I miss my dad so much. It's hard to believe that next month it will be one whole year without him. I truly feel lost. It's a lot of the small things really. He was one of the best friends I ever had. I forgot he was my dad sometimes.
I especially miss talking with him. We'd sit at the kitchen table and talk till we realized it was 2am. He was the most intelligent person I knew. We'd always talk about politics and the war. I haven't had a conversation on that topic since he's been gone. No one cares about Iraq, the President, our Governor, Daley, or foreign policies. I do. He's the only other person I know who would listen to news radio 780 and watch the BBC news on channel 20. We'd talk about what he had in mind of doing construction wise on the house. Now it's all up to me and no one really cares what I do. We'd watch SNL and laugh at the stupid jokes and make fun of the music artist because truly they look like idiots on stage. I haven't seen SNL on a Saturday night in over a year. I miss drinking beer with my dad at the Demo Derby and making inside bets then cheering for our teams. I still go. Usually with Jenny, but she's always late coming from work. I was and still am the only die hard.
I miss riding Harley's. I've only been on one once this summer and I didn't even know the guy. I figured it would probably be my only chance this year. I miss learning about hogs. Lou would always come home and tell me about what he learned and explain the bikes to me. Now I have no clue. I miss his 411 blurbs at the car shows. He'd tell me why the '58 was so different from the '59 and why it's worth more. He'd tell me about the engine size, stock colors, why no one wanted the car, why it was so hot when it came out, who in his family had that Buick and Chevy... now I go to the shows and read the little cardboard information sheets and try and understand them while standing there in silence with my friends admiring the car.
I don't even know what I am doing with my life now. I just wake up everyday and go through the same routine only because I know I have to. It would be so easy to slip into a serious depression and never roll out of bed, shower, work, and pay my bills. I think I do it for my dogs. Right now they are my backbone. I have my dad's dog and my dog and if that were all I had I would be okay with that. Lately, I keep thinking about what I'm doing and where I'm going. I have no idea.
For now, I'm holding back tears and going to my pathetic job everyday. I work a lot to slowly make my house a home and make sure that everyone in my family is alright. I can't even drink any more. How sick is that?! Suddenly, I'm allergic to beer and since I got wasted the night of my dad's funeral, I'm an emotional train wreck when I drink to much hard liquor. Well I wish I could keep writing because it makes me feel better, but I know I have a 12 hour day at work tomorrow. I need to play with my boys and hit the hay. Good night stars. |
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[Oct. 12th, 2006|11:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  morose | ] |
I'm starting the journal thing again. I need to write and keep my sanity. |
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| Numi |
[Mar. 12th, 2006|03:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  listless | ] |
| [ | music |
| | 91.5 shorts | ] |
I’m already tired of my medical problems, and it has barely even started. I’ve given blood 3 times in the past 9 days out of my right arm. 3 test tubes full to the brim each time. As a result my arm is bruised up pretty badly this morning. I didn’t notice besides the fact that my entire arm is weak. Raul noticed at work. How embarrassing. I put some Neosporin on and keep using it to work out the soreness. I feel weak. Damn menstruation.
Count down time line:
5 days till the best St. Pat’s I’m going to miss
4 days till my c-section surgery
3 days till Kansas comes to Chicago
2 days of stressful work left
1 day to try and handle it all
I might only be in the hospital for a day. I have to be there at 6am Thursday morning, and depending on progress I could be released Friday afternoon. That sucks. I want to milk it. PJ will be in Georgia by the time I get let out of the recovery room, and Kansas will be long drunk by the time I get to eating ice chips. I’m going to try and hold out and get released Saturday so that Jenny can take me home.
I requested that my family not be there. They refused. It’s going to be a party. Great. I will be drugged up and looking like shit. I guess that’s what happens when you get your gut sliced open. Apparently I won’t be able to go to the bathroom for 2-3 days post, so looks like I’ll be living on Jell-o and ice for a few days before and after.
I have to de-pretty myself – take off all jewelry, remove all nail polish, can’t wear make up before surgery or lotions, no perfumes, no contacts or under garments. After surgery I can only wear my glasses and have to have my hair tied up at all times. I won’t be able to sit up for a good 15 hours after, but they are going to force me to walk around the 6-8 hour mark. I can’t bring pj’s with me or socks and have to wear my hospital gown with the opening in the front so they can change my bandages.
****
I feel low. For the first time I will be completely helpless and incapable of caring for myself. I feel like my independence is being thrown out the window. I will have to rely on my mother for basic care for the first time in about 15 years. Laundry, food, hygiene, and mobility will all be hers.
****
I’m trying to forget everything for now. I’m listening to SELECTED SHORTS on 91.5 and drinking this new organic rainforest green tea I found.
Breath Lori, breath. |
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| Tonight be sure... |
[Feb. 21st, 2006|04:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Journey | ] |
to check your drama at the door. |
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[Feb. 20th, 2006|05:52 pm] |
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I'm pregnant!!! |
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[Feb. 19th, 2006|06:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cynical | ] |
In light of my recent age acquirement, Milwaukee Ave. will be hosting a pub crawl in my honor. The drinking will starts at 8pm at jet's Public House. 6148 N Milwaukee. Chicago 60646. We will make our way all 15 bars down to Ham Tree. Be prepared to loose your underwear, incur battle wounds, and not remember the last 5 bar stops. |
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[Feb. 6th, 2006|11:43 pm] |
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awesome |
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[Jan. 31st, 2006|01:38 pm] |
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Squeek took the pot last night. |
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| NEVER |
[Jan. 26th, 2006|01:40 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Boys Don't Cry | ] |
I'm never going out without my lover again.
P.s. Tonight is Poker Her Thursday
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[Jan. 24th, 2006|12:26 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Theory of a Deadman | ] |
A lot of concern has been expressed as to what is changing. Don't worry kids. It's all personal.
I did good yesterday. I got up early went to my mons, then work. I stayed late to actually get some hours in. I hit up the gym and when I woke up this morning I was totally sick. I went to work for a whole 3 hours and came home to make some delicious home made chicken soup. I got caugh by work while I was at Trinity. Opps. I promised I wasn't drinking (I hard 5 PJ specials) and that I would be in early tomorrow (Yeah Fucking Right!)
I thought I would have been sore today since I was helping my mom paint her house this weekend, but that's a negative. Good for me. Although I am sick from something and am going to bed. Good Night. I love everyone!!
P.s. all the alcohol I consumed tonight made my sickness go away. I heart PJ and all my friends. Seriously with out all of you I don't know what would have happened to me these past 2 months. |
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femalious's journal