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Licence to Travel
Jul. 10th, 2008 | 12:02 am
location: Home
mood: 
cheerful
music: Rufus Wainwright's 'Across the Universe'
An unearthly 5am alarm. Waking up at the first alarm and hopping out of bed instantly, as opposed to the usual snooze routine, much to my next door neighbour's relief. Freshening up with the flutter of hope in the stomach. Trudging through the recently-turned-for-the-worse weather to the station. Scribbling in the last details in the forms. Nearly missing my stop as I started to snooze off in the tube. Reaching the embassy at 6.45am to find three ahead of me in the queue. Dreading the start of a slow drizzle which soon turned into a pestilent shower. Running to the nearest open convenience store and picking up juice and an umbrella and a plastic bag for the forms. Standing in the cold, windy rain for two hours, reading Salman Rushdie's Midnight's Children (ya, I know, I'm like the last human being reading this book - everyone's already read it). Flirting the French counter guy. And finally, getting my 6-month multiple entry Schengen visa.
The licence of travel is here, people. I feel like I'm set to conquer the world (hehe, how easily I amuse myself); now I need to find the time and fight the bosses et al. But whee, one of the reasons for moving to London is slowly but steadily coming to fruition - one feels grateful for small mercies :)
The licence of travel is here, people. I feel like I'm set to conquer the world (hehe, how easily I amuse myself); now I need to find the time and fight the bosses et al. But whee, one of the reasons for moving to London is slowly but steadily coming to fruition - one feels grateful for small mercies :)
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Death & Rabbits
Jul. 9th, 2008 | 01:28 pm
location: Office
mood: 
busy
People die all over the world everyday. There are fellow human beings getting killed, murdered, even as we speak (or type), in various pockets around the world, for reasons which can never justify such brutality. And we raise nary an eyebrow when we hear of the statistics.
However, this link about a rabbit-murderer is sent around in office and people are ooh-ing and aah-ing at the cold-blooded nature of the heinous crime! Am I the only one who's tearing her hair at this?
---
On a lighter note, though, perhaps, this is not a case of rabbit murder, but bunny suicides?
However, this link about a rabbit-murderer is sent around in office and people are ooh-ing and aah-ing at the cold-blooded nature of the heinous crime! Am I the only one who's tearing her hair at this?
---
On a lighter note, though, perhaps, this is not a case of rabbit murder, but bunny suicides?
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Music
Jun. 30th, 2008 | 06:26 am
location: Room, London
mood: 
hopeful
music: Jewel's 'Foolish Games'
The music in my soul has been dead for about a couple of months now - literally and otherwise. Cranking up the volume and hoping for some melody and harmony inside soon, so please help me, God.
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Bad Poetry
Jun. 30th, 2008 | 06:15 am
location: Room, London
mood: 
blank
music: Cranberries 'Stars'
Broken words, broken thoughts -
Remnants of a broken soul.
Stilted sentences, fragmented paragraphs,
Scrawled on a burnt parchment.
Jilted and jolted out of the comfort of rationalization -
I am now a series of bad punctuation.
A misplaced period, a tentative comma -
I am a dangling clause awaiting conclusion.
(cross-posted on The Burnt Parchment - what a miserable debut on a writing project that has heretofore elicited some fine writing)
Remnants of a broken soul.
Stilted sentences, fragmented paragraphs,
Scrawled on a burnt parchment.
Jilted and jolted out of the comfort of rationalization -
I am now a series of bad punctuation.
A misplaced period, a tentative comma -
I am a dangling clause awaiting conclusion.
(cross-posted on The Burnt Parchment - what a miserable debut on a writing project that has heretofore elicited some fine writing)
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Cooking Milestone
Jun. 30th, 2008 | 06:05 am
location: Room, London
mood: 
pleased
music: Creed's 'Higher'
The Chinese are finicky about their kind of food. Much like Indians, they're not very fond of people improvising and making fusion versions of their cuisines. Oh admit it, all you Indians/Chinese, we love to scoff at the anglicized versions of spicy Indian/Chinese dishes.
Today, I inadvertently cooked Chinese food for three Chinese friends today (what was I thinking?!) and they loved it. And no, unlike what Ritwik believes, they were not being polite (hey, thanks for the faith, man). Nothing like watching people devour the product of one's experimentation; a friend who had, for some strange reason weighed himself before and after the meal gained a kilo from eating pots of my cooking - I'm flattered :D The is the best compliment ever.
This, my dear friends, is a cooking milestone; I'm so proud of my cooking self *beam*
---
Btw, this whole cooking-at-home on a regular basis is a BIG lifestyle shift, people, for folks like myself who've had cheap, tasty food at our disposal for a solid seven n a half years in Singapore. So, yes, I am bound to make a big deal out of it :)
Today, I inadvertently cooked Chinese food for three Chinese friends today (what was I thinking?!) and they loved it. And no, unlike what Ritwik believes, they were not being polite (hey, thanks for the faith, man). Nothing like watching people devour the product of one's experimentation; a friend who had, for some strange reason weighed himself before and after the meal gained a kilo from eating pots of my cooking - I'm flattered :D The is the best compliment ever.
This, my dear friends, is a cooking milestone; I'm so proud of my cooking self *beam*
---
Btw, this whole cooking-at-home on a regular basis is a BIG lifestyle shift, people, for folks like myself who've had cheap, tasty food at our disposal for a solid seven n a half years in Singapore. So, yes, I am bound to make a big deal out of it :)
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Weather
May. 30th, 2008 | 07:02 pm
location: Office, London
mood: 
calm
BBC 3-day weather forecast for London (30th May - 1st Jun) via www.bbc.co.uk
You know you're in London when the weather seems to have a dark sense of humour.
You know you're in London when the summer seems chillier than the winters in many places.
You know you've become a Londoner when you've started whinging about the weather, the taxes and the rents :)
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Keys
May. 30th, 2008 | 03:08 pm
location: Office, London
mood: busy
What does it mean to hold onto keys to doors which do not exist any longer? And before you think I'm getting all metaphorical here, I mean, literally, keys from long ago which opened doors to places which meant a lot to me but which don't exist anymore or they don't belong to me anymore.
Among the whole myriad of things I refuse to let go off (the perennial, perpetual hoarder that I am), I have a bunch of old keys - keys to the old tenCube office which has been broken down, keys to Ritwik's old house, to my house in Singapore (yes, Kundi, I'm sending it over soon), and so many more. I suppose this one item, more than anything else in my cornucopia of nostalgia, indicates the futility of trying to hold on. No matter how many keys I have and how carefully I try to preserve them, I can never enter the doors that don't exist and revisit the places that are no more.
There is no rewind button for the best moments of our lives; we just have to find new such doors and places. In the meantime, we can hold onto memories, keepsakes and keys.
Among the whole myriad of things I refuse to let go off (the perennial, perpetual hoarder that I am), I have a bunch of old keys - keys to the old tenCube office which has been broken down, keys to Ritwik's old house, to my house in Singapore (yes, Kundi, I'm sending it over soon), and so many more. I suppose this one item, more than anything else in my cornucopia of nostalgia, indicates the futility of trying to hold on. No matter how many keys I have and how carefully I try to preserve them, I can never enter the doors that don't exist and revisit the places that are no more.
There is no rewind button for the best moments of our lives; we just have to find new such doors and places. In the meantime, we can hold onto memories, keepsakes and keys.
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Food Crisis & Agricultural Reforms
May. 29th, 2008 | 06:50 pm
location: Office, London
mood: busy
Some thoroughly interesting perspectives from leading economists on the food-crisis and the possible global reforms to the agricultural sector to be found here. The article and the following comments are equally worth a dekko.
---
I must overcome laziness and start posting about my new life in London. If this journal is to be trusted, it would seem like such a non-event in my life, and it is anything but!
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Peace through Disney?
May. 21st, 2008 | 07:47 pm
location: Office
mood: 
shocked
Someone, please, tell me this is a joke, a not-so-funny one, but a joke nonetheless:
'Disneyland' comes to Baghdad with multi-million pound entertainment park'
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Life
May. 20th, 2008 | 08:42 pm
location: Office, London
mood: blank
...consists of only a few perfect moments. And the rest of our lives are spent either chasing such moments or being sustained by the memory of such perfection.
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Checking in from London
May. 3rd, 2008 | 01:00 pm
location: Canary Wharf, London
mood: 
tired
So it's been a busy couple of days since I landed here, what with work and jet-lag and getting used to the idea of cooking every single meal at home and the preparations towards the same. Similarly, it'd been a busy couple of last months in Singapore, wrapping up stuff, meeting up with friends, planning and plotting and such. Initially, there was excitement, which soon got replaced by a certain numbness, which, as I acknowledged even at that point, helped me be mechanical about the rigmarole of saying goodbyes and moving away. Had my usual levels of sentimentality prevailed, I would be bawling my eyes out every time I met my friends and I would've seriously reconsidered the wisdom of leaving. My practical, rational self took over and refused to let an iota of attachment seep through.
And then, during the flight, the enormity of it all hit me. I was on a one-way ticket; my usual excitement for choosing meals, wines and duty-free shopping on the business class flight gave way to the horror of realization that ALL my nearest and dearest friends, my adopted family, if you may, are now going to be on the other end of the globe. And that it would never be the same (and don't tell me that it will be). Because the friends I'll make hereon wouldn't have known me as I was, with my entire array of mistakes and flaws, because there'd be more politeness and less honesty, more measuredness and no boundlessness.
Oh, and this doesn't even take into account the general argh-ness of a long distance relationship (Ya, a London-Chicago relationship is technically more manageable than a Singapore-Chicago one, but even so).
I guess it's safe to say that I'm now at my "alone-est". This isn't grad school; there's no ready-made social circle awaiting me to fit in perfectly. This is not even a graduate/analyst program in a corporate firm, which embraces you in all the warmth (or not) of a shared corporate identity. It's just me, who's moved across the world, for no fathomable reason, it may seem.
It feels like the inner dams have collapsed and now I can cry freely. But that would be stupid, right, because I chose to do this? Well, then, I choose to be stupid too. Let me mourn the distance and the loss a bit, and then I shall pick myself up and do all the things that I chose to come here for.
And to all those whom I miss so sorely, I still have my Singapore number active, if you fancy dropping me an SMS and I'll call you back from my London number :)
Cheers.
And then, during the flight, the enormity of it all hit me. I was on a one-way ticket; my usual excitement for choosing meals, wines and duty-free shopping on the business class flight gave way to the horror of realization that ALL my nearest and dearest friends, my adopted family, if you may, are now going to be on the other end of the globe. And that it would never be the same (and don't tell me that it will be). Because the friends I'll make hereon wouldn't have known me as I was, with my entire array of mistakes and flaws, because there'd be more politeness and less honesty, more measuredness and no boundlessness.
Oh, and this doesn't even take into account the general argh-ness of a long distance relationship (Ya, a London-Chicago relationship is technically more manageable than a Singapore-Chicago one, but even so).
I guess it's safe to say that I'm now at my "alone-est". This isn't grad school; there's no ready-made social circle awaiting me to fit in perfectly. This is not even a graduate/analyst program in a corporate firm, which embraces you in all the warmth (or not) of a shared corporate identity. It's just me, who's moved across the world, for no fathomable reason, it may seem.
It feels like the inner dams have collapsed and now I can cry freely. But that would be stupid, right, because I chose to do this? Well, then, I choose to be stupid too. Let me mourn the distance and the loss a bit, and then I shall pick myself up and do all the things that I chose to come here for.
And to all those whom I miss so sorely, I still have my Singapore number active, if you fancy dropping me an SMS and I'll call you back from my London number :)
Cheers.
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Birthday Buzz
Apr. 26th, 2008 | 02:20 am
location: Home
So I had the most gala time hosting some 30-35 people at home for birthday brunch the day before the actual birthday because it fell most inconveniently on a Monday. It was all done in quite the last minute, indeed - the invites were sent out during a quick break at work on Friday, booze had been thankfully collecting on our kitchen counter and I stocked up on pineapple juice, tomato juice, cranberry juice, lime cordial and what-have-you for the cocktails, apart from ordering a ton of shockingly authentic Kerala cuisine and along with chopping up and cooking 10 packs of beans into the wee hours of the morning (cooking for 40 is NOT a joke, people!). Thanks to those who brought the wine, the sangria, the ice, the flowers, the chocolates, the books and so much love...
It sure had been a while since I let my social self step out and enjoy herself. And gosh, it felt good, to be on my feet, fluttering from one group to the next, keeping the drinks flowing, snacks refilled, hors d'oeuvres crisp, chocolate fondue flowing, etc, all of this while socializing in bits and pieces. That day, I was reminded once again, after long, about how I wanted to do this for a living - event management, party planning, whatever they call it these days...some day, I will.
The party was a catch-up session, birthday celebration and something of a going-away party, if you will. I met many friends after so long, only to tell them I won't be around for very much longer, and once again, pangs of guilt were felt, about letting things go, without allowing them to bloom fully, without exhausting the possibilities for forming more memories, but c'est la vie.
Brunch, high-tea, dinner. Noon to 10pm. Wonder when I can do this again - host my friends at my place and talk and drink and smoke and bitch and moan and relax. On an uncharacteristically pleasant Sunday. With people who've known me for so long, who've seen me grow and who've seen me at my best and my worst, my fattest and my thinnest (and my fattest, again).
Wonder when I can do this again, without having to fly across the world to do it.
----
Going-away party. Right, I haven't mentioned it on the journal so far, in fear of jinxing it, but I suppose it's safe to discuss it now. One hopes.
I'm moving to London.
It sure had been a while since I let my social self step out and enjoy herself. And gosh, it felt good, to be on my feet, fluttering from one group to the next, keeping the drinks flowing, snacks refilled, hors d'oeuvres crisp, chocolate fondue flowing, etc, all of this while socializing in bits and pieces. That day, I was reminded once again, after long, about how I wanted to do this for a living - event management, party planning, whatever they call it these days...some day, I will.
The party was a catch-up session, birthday celebration and something of a going-away party, if you will. I met many friends after so long, only to tell them I won't be around for very much longer, and once again, pangs of guilt were felt, about letting things go, without allowing them to bloom fully, without exhausting the possibilities for forming more memories, but c'est la vie.
Brunch, high-tea, dinner. Noon to 10pm. Wonder when I can do this again - host my friends at my place and talk and drink and smoke and bitch and moan and relax. On an uncharacteristically pleasant Sunday. With people who've known me for so long, who've seen me grow and who've seen me at my best and my worst, my fattest and my thinnest (and my fattest, again).
Wonder when I can do this again, without having to fly across the world to do it.
----
Going-away party. Right, I haven't mentioned it on the journal so far, in fear of jinxing it, but I suppose it's safe to discuss it now. One hopes.
I'm moving to London.
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Political Cartoons
Apr. 10th, 2008 | 12:09 pm
location: Office
mood: busy
music: Office noises
Some classics from The Economist's political cartoonist Kevin Kallaugher to be found here. Definitely worth a dekko :) (scroll all the way down till you see them)
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Lone Ranger
Mar. 23rd, 2008 | 12:48 pm
location: Kottayam, Kerala
I'm in India for a (too) quick trip and I'm visiting an assortment of various extended relatives with my parents and catching up on family gossip in Kerala, apart from stuffing myself silly with brilliant food. The meet-his-parents session in Bangalore went well, I think; I would have to confirm this with Ritwik once I'm back.
There's something about coming back to India which puts me at ease, and this is true irrespective of where I visit within India. It might be the fact that I'm taking a break from the frenetic, mindless routines that Singapore lures one into, or the distance from my little universe, allowing me to view my own life from a more objective angle. This time, it's certainly thanks to this abundance of time to ruminate, without feeling the need to express my thoughts to anyone (except to the LJ, when I feel like it)
I'm two weeks away from my birthday and it shocks me to think of how much I've changed in the span of a year. The overly bubbly, unflinchingly extroverted, boundlessly energetic social butterfly has given way to a discontented, searching, questioning brooder who's looking for some serious change. I'd been wondering what might be the root cause for this metamorphosis and the answer came to me a few minutes ago, at 1am when I tip-toed my way in darkness across to the kitchen of my relatives' house to fetch a glass of water.
All my heroes have fallen; I need new role models to be inspired by, to aspire to emulate. I have also suddenly discovered an innate disdain for what I used to do quite often and what helped me be the perfect socializer - doing what everyone else is doing, even if better. When you have the same goals and same fears and same dreams as those with whom you associate, you enjoy yourself in their company and you become the perfect mirror for their own aspirations, aka, popular. Somewhere during my lone travels in Europe and my truly independent and fulfilling stay in London, I discovered my own voice and I came back to Singapore to find it in dissonance with many of those whom I previously wholeheartedly identified with, aka, to find myself not-so-popular. (I kid, my friends still love me and I love them - heh)
Now, I do not say this in any manner of superiority or smugness. Assuredly, over the past few months, I have tormented myself with this simple question - why can't I just want those things that normal folks wish for? I am aware that there are others who're going through this same thought process (eeks, this is so pop-culture, quarter-life crisis and all) but they certainly seem to be doing a better job of masking it with alcohol and consumerism - I clearly missed the memo on 'How to Deal with Stupid Thoughts Floating in your Head'.
I've pondered on my obstinence to rescind that which seems so achievable to me, and yet so enviable to many who are not in my position, and I am not sure I have the answers yet. This seemingly ceaseless vicious cycle of whys and hows is anything but pleasant and I sometimes wish I could just reclaim my perfect bubble of happiness and never get into this unchartered territory. But ignorance is like virginity - once lost, it cannot be re-attained.
What makes it so hard is that this is such a lone battle - figuring oneself out, having the conviction to follow up on one's true desires, rather than hiding under the veneer of perfection as per the rest of the world, dealing with all the are-you-nuts looks when expounding about the crazy idea that could possibly, but not probably, give one a sense of purpose. There's no find-yourself-template I can Google up and fill in for my life, no senior I can call up and ask, 'Hey XYZ, how did you go about this?'. There's no 'Dummy's Guide to..' and no gyaan guru or self-help book which tells one to follow steps 1 to 10 to come upon your moment of epiphany (Bah, humbug!). Well, they say it's all a process and I'm going through it now, and I hope to find a middle ground between the realities of being all grown-up and the whims of a wandering mind.
Speaking of processes towards self-discovery, 2008 is certainly shaping upto be the dramatic, defining year as I'd anticipated at the beginning of this year, but I believe in not jinxing a good thing by discussing it prematurely.
So this is a very lost me, signing off two weeks before she gets still older - bloody hell, time flies. If you find my "true self" or "my purpose in life" wandering about, please report immediately.
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WTF?
Mar. 10th, 2008 | 01:07 pm
location: office
mood: 
hyper
"The CBSE, meanwhile, has refused to detail the exact procedure of the handling and evaluation of answer sheets. “It would affect the sovereignty and integrity of the country,” they said in response."
WTF?
----
Ya, ya I know. It's been a long time. I'll be back.
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Biennial Report - 2006 & 2007
Jan. 9th, 2008 | 11:37 am
location: Office :P
mood: 
chipper
music: Office sounds - keyboards tapping, phones ringing, voices droning...
biennial
Main Entry: bi·en·ni·al Pronunciation: \(ˌ)bī-ˈe-nē-əl\ Function: adjective
1: occurring every two years
2: continuing or lasting for two years; specifically : growing vegetatively during the first year and fruiting and dying during the second.
I was looking up Merriam Webster to double check on the spelling of this word (what? I'm punctilious about such things!) and I realised how apposite this name would be for my post on the years 2006 & 2007, especially given the specific meaning of something growing in the first year and dying in the second. And ah yes, before you ask, this is a a two-year report because both 2006 and 2007 have meant much but I was too lazy to write up an end-of-year post last year. And it's only about 10 days too late, which can be pardoned, because it matters not with respect to a period of 731 days.
Honestly, I had rather grandiose notions of all that I would write in this post - to capture the crests and troughs, the gossamer bliss and ponderous sorrows, of ghosts past laid to rest and of ghosts of future coming alive, of highs and lows and all the times in between and how each phase mattered so much to me. But, upon further consideration, I decided that no words would do justice to the entirety of what these two years have meant to be, so here's a quick gist of the significant pit-stops, something for the future self to revisit and reminisce about.
Exchange at Penn State
A breath of fresh air; my first experience, in a long time, of uprooting myself to start a new life in a new place among new people (much like I used to, through my childhood) and how I enjoyed it! Discovered during this phase that I quite enjoy my own company, even without the teeming number of social circles I had extricated myself in during my years in Singapore. Started my quest for fitness, studied Spanish, took skiing and ballroom dancing courses, partied religiously and, yet, started going easy on alcohol, met lots of interesting people, travelled. Surprisingly enough, I also rediscovered the nerd within me (only to lose it promptly on my return to Singapore)
tenCube
This experience has scarred me for life, really. It spoilt my notion of worklife being drab and boring. I'm ruined forever, because now I can't accept routine for workday and I can't take stupidity/stupid people at workplace. I'm doomed for life, because I have had a glimpse of worklife tinged with passion, art, conviction, ownership, etc.
Moreover, it brought me closer to my oft-thought-of notion of entrepreneurship, after knowing that the firebrands are human too - fear is a common factor, it's about overcoming it.
An unexpected side-effect of my time at tenCube was a renewed interest in art and poetry, which I hope to sustain over the coming years - the inclination and the supplies are in place, now if I could only shrug off this comfortable languor.
Travel
USA - Philly. Pittsburgh. Boston. NYC, NYC, NYC. State College. Florida. Washington. Road trips through so many cities and towns and states.
Asia - Bangkok. Melaka. Phuket. Bintan. Batam. Taiwan, India (Kerala, Kashmir, Punjab, Bihar, Jharkhand, West Bengal, Karnataka, Maharashtra, Delhi)
Europe - St. Gallen, Zurich, Geneva, Leichtenstein, Innsbruk, Munich, Prague, Vienna, Venice, Rome, Florence, Nice, Monaco, Lyon, Paris, Brussels, London, Edinburgh, Glasgow, Bath.
Romantic getaways. Backpacking alone. Europe by rail. Asia by buses and ferries. India by trains and flights. People. Sights. Sounds. Smells. Conversations. Absurdities. Revelations. Getting lost. Finding my way. History. Culture. Language. Friendships. Experiences. Memories. My most treasured take-away from these two years.
London
To classify this merely under a destination during my travels would be a gross injustice. My two months here were also my most peaceful and enjoyable, albeit mostly in my own company. There were some bouts of intense socializing, but I really loved being on my own, spending hours and even entire days in Shakespeare's Globe, National Gallery, Tate Modern, Imperial War Museum, British Museum, British Library, street markets, very upmarket restaurants and such. Art melded with history, theatre with words and gosh, I knew such ecstasy that it's hard to believe it was merely a few months ago that I was on the other end of the scale on the measure of happiness.
Perhaps it was to be expected, but life after London seems ever so dull and mundane. Quotidian pleasures interest me no more - I crave for the intellectual engagement presented to me in solitude and in London.
International Students Symposium @ University of St. Gallen
This was not my first conference with bigwigs and it certainly won't be the last - so what makes this so special? Perhaps, being amongst all those over-achieving politicians, CEOs and people-who-change-the-world made me feel like I could be one of them, or maybe rubbing shoulders with successful businessmen who cared about global issues reinstilled some lost faith in the corporate world - whatever it is, the experience remains close to my heart.
Work
So I sold my soul and all that, and joined the corporate world, against my own better judgment after my last encounter with this realm. London was OK; the ill-effects of this industry was very nicely balanced by the incredible travel perks and the opportunity to be in London on a zero personal budget. The office crowd was not half-bad either. Getting back to the Asian work style in Singapore left me aghast at the mind-numbing job, silence in office and the unnecessarily long hours. After weeks of crying - in the office toilet, to sleep, among friends and mostly to Ritwik - I think I have finally learnt to stop caring, at least till a viable alternative is worked out. Right now, my head is full of Plan A, B, C...all the way through to Z. Something tells me things will be interesting in 2008.
On the other hand, worklife has also taught me to be less judgmental about a certain group of people I used to previously censure heartily - it's not easy to walk away, no matter how meaningless it may seem. Also, an uninspiring worklife has redirected my energies and encouraged me to take up interest in learning French, taking piano lessons and dabbling in art (Note to self - See? Everything happens for a reason!)
Friends & Reunions
What period of one's life is memorable without this aspect?
Many many happy reunions happened.
Meeting up with a best friend from 11 years ago, after having lost touch all this years, and realizing how much we've grown up. Gawd - we have boyfriends and all now, who'd have thought that back then, eh?
Discovering a classmate in Glasgow, realizing how much we're alike in spite of the very separate routes we've taken, exchanging the deepest, darkest secrets from the past 10 years of not having seen each other and spending sleepless nights just TALKING, and then spending the days being girls - shopping, having dessert, walking aimlessly checking out people, drinking, smoking, having a memorable dinner at 'The Pig & The Butterfly' and at that other lovely romantic Italian restaurant - really, who needs men? I distinctly remember that those impetuous moments - I deliberately missed my last train back to London so I could take a late-night bus, and then in a last minute impulse, I let that bus go too. As I walked in to work at noon the next day, I smiled to myself, thinking of the good times over Morgan Spiced, Marlboro and club-hopping in the cold Glasgow drizzle...
Visiting Edinburgh with a close friend from JC days and enjoying ourselves while we explored the dark alleys, the multitude of Scotch whisky, the dark history and the colourful people of Scotland.
Skipping work for a few hours when a close friend from school transited through Singapore, to discuss love, life and careers.
And many more such reunions which lasted merely awhile but left pleasant impressions in my heart and mind...
Many, many new friends were made. Some were lost. And for someone who treasures special moments in isolation, even without the context of a life-long frienship, so many meaningful encounters occurred during all my travels - met fascinating, inspiring people who forced me to rethink everything I stand for, people who showed me possibilities, people who jerked away the veil from my eyes with a simple and insightful question, people whose impressions are seared in my memory forever.
Of those which have grown
My relationship with Ritwik. My closeness with my closest friends. Confusion about what I want out of life. My interest in the arts, theatre and film. My desire to do meaningful work. Cynicism. My maverick nature and tendency to rebel without a cause. My disdain for stupidity and hypocrisy.
Of those which have changed
Myself, physically - Good Lord, I lost 15 kgs in 2006 and promptly gained all of it in 2007. Most abominable! And among not so ignoble achievements, I discovered hair products, skin care and more feminine attire - egad, the tomboy has turned into a woman. Inevitable, eh?
Myself, mentally - A lot of white noise in my head has settled down and now a different sort of madness reigns in my cerebral region.
Interest in fitness - From zero to 10km. Running was something the pre-2006 Sherene would have dreaded. But a couple of long distance runs later, I want to maintain this as a life-long habit, although lethargy catches up with me every so often.
Alcohol consumption - Although I was veritably an alcoholic in my freshmen and sophomore years, I have gained a surprising hold on my drinking recklessly. Unlike some aunties who discover drinking at the grand ol' age of 27-28, I have outgrown this adolescent stage of drinking to prove a point.
So what next?
I am mired presently in much confusion. 2008 promises to be another defining year, with the possibilities of much change and exploration, but only after I am subject to some very difficult crossroads and tough questions. Finally, I will need to do what I have confessed to be terrible at - making choices.
I do not believe in New Year resolutions because there should not be just one day in a year whenone is allowed to revamp one's life, but I do have plans. Wish me luck as I go forth with much trepidation. Much is at stake, and there is sure to be much drama, since I am, after all, the ultimate drama queen :P However, I look forward to the rollercoaster ride, to learning so much more about myself and the world and to having a brilliant time while I am at it :)
Happy New Year, folks, for 2008 is here!
2: continuing or lasting for two years; specifically : growing vegetatively during the first year and fruiting and dying during the second.
I was looking up Merriam Webster to double check on the spelling of this word (what? I'm punctilious about such things!) and I realised how apposite this name would be for my post on the years 2006 & 2007, especially given the specific meaning of something growing in the first year and dying in the second. And ah yes, before you ask, this is a a two-year report because both 2006 and 2007 have meant much but I was too lazy to write up an end-of-year post last year. And it's only about 10 days too late, which can be pardoned, because it matters not with respect to a period of 731 days.
Honestly, I had rather grandiose notions of all that I would write in this post - to capture the crests and troughs, the gossamer bliss and ponderous sorrows, of ghosts past laid to rest and of ghosts of future coming alive, of highs and lows and all the times in between and how each phase mattered so much to me. But, upon further consideration, I decided that no words would do justice to the entirety of what these two years have meant to be, so here's a quick gist of the significant pit-stops, something for the future self to revisit and reminisce about.
Exchange at Penn State
A breath of fresh air; my first experience, in a long time, of uprooting myself to start a new life in a new place among new people (much like I used to, through my childhood) and how I enjoyed it! Discovered during this phase that I quite enjoy my own company, even without the teeming number of social circles I had extricated myself in during my years in Singapore. Started my quest for fitness, studied Spanish, took skiing and ballroom dancing courses, partied religiously and, yet, started going easy on alcohol, met lots of interesting people, travelled. Surprisingly enough, I also rediscovered the nerd within me (only to lose it promptly on my return to Singapore)
tenCube
This experience has scarred me for life, really. It spoilt my notion of worklife being drab and boring. I'm ruined forever, because now I can't accept routine for workday and I can't take stupidity/stupid people at workplace. I'm doomed for life, because I have had a glimpse of worklife tinged with passion, art, conviction, ownership, etc.
Moreover, it brought me closer to my oft-thought-of notion of entrepreneurship, after knowing that the firebrands are human too - fear is a common factor, it's about overcoming it.
An unexpected side-effect of my time at tenCube was a renewed interest in art and poetry, which I hope to sustain over the coming years - the inclination and the supplies are in place, now if I could only shrug off this comfortable languor.
Travel
USA - Philly. Pittsburgh. Boston. NYC, NYC, NYC. State College. Florida. Washington. Road trips through so many cities and towns and states.
Asia - Bangkok. Melaka. Phuket. Bintan. Batam. Taiwan, India (Kerala, Kashmir, Punjab, Bihar, Jharkhand, West Bengal, Karnataka, Maharashtra, Delhi)
Europe - St. Gallen, Zurich, Geneva, Leichtenstein, Innsbruk, Munich, Prague, Vienna, Venice, Rome, Florence, Nice, Monaco, Lyon, Paris, Brussels, London, Edinburgh, Glasgow, Bath.
Romantic getaways. Backpacking alone. Europe by rail. Asia by buses and ferries. India by trains and flights. People. Sights. Sounds. Smells. Conversations. Absurdities. Revelations. Getting lost. Finding my way. History. Culture. Language. Friendships. Experiences. Memories. My most treasured take-away from these two years.
London
To classify this merely under a destination during my travels would be a gross injustice. My two months here were also my most peaceful and enjoyable, albeit mostly in my own company. There were some bouts of intense socializing, but I really loved being on my own, spending hours and even entire days in Shakespeare's Globe, National Gallery, Tate Modern, Imperial War Museum, British Museum, British Library, street markets, very upmarket restaurants and such. Art melded with history, theatre with words and gosh, I knew such ecstasy that it's hard to believe it was merely a few months ago that I was on the other end of the scale on the measure of happiness.
Perhaps it was to be expected, but life after London seems ever so dull and mundane. Quotidian pleasures interest me no more - I crave for the intellectual engagement presented to me in solitude and in London.
International Students Symposium @ University of St. Gallen
This was not my first conference with bigwigs and it certainly won't be the last - so what makes this so special? Perhaps, being amongst all those over-achieving politicians, CEOs and people-who-change-the-world made me feel like I could be one of them, or maybe rubbing shoulders with successful businessmen who cared about global issues reinstilled some lost faith in the corporate world - whatever it is, the experience remains close to my heart.
Work
So I sold my soul and all that, and joined the corporate world, against my own better judgment after my last encounter with this realm. London was OK; the ill-effects of this industry was very nicely balanced by the incredible travel perks and the opportunity to be in London on a zero personal budget. The office crowd was not half-bad either. Getting back to the Asian work style in Singapore left me aghast at the mind-numbing job, silence in office and the unnecessarily long hours. After weeks of crying - in the office toilet, to sleep, among friends and mostly to Ritwik - I think I have finally learnt to stop caring, at least till a viable alternative is worked out. Right now, my head is full of Plan A, B, C...all the way through to Z. Something tells me things will be interesting in 2008.
On the other hand, worklife has also taught me to be less judgmental about a certain group of people I used to previously censure heartily - it's not easy to walk away, no matter how meaningless it may seem. Also, an uninspiring worklife has redirected my energies and encouraged me to take up interest in learning French, taking piano lessons and dabbling in art (Note to self - See? Everything happens for a reason!)
Friends & Reunions
What period of one's life is memorable without this aspect?
Many many happy reunions happened.
Meeting up with a best friend from 11 years ago, after having lost touch all this years, and realizing how much we've grown up. Gawd - we have boyfriends and all now, who'd have thought that back then, eh?
Discovering a classmate in Glasgow, realizing how much we're alike in spite of the very separate routes we've taken, exchanging the deepest, darkest secrets from the past 10 years of not having seen each other and spending sleepless nights just TALKING, and then spending the days being girls - shopping, having dessert, walking aimlessly checking out people, drinking, smoking, having a memorable dinner at 'The Pig & The Butterfly' and at that other lovely romantic Italian restaurant - really, who needs men? I distinctly remember that those impetuous moments - I deliberately missed my last train back to London so I could take a late-night bus, and then in a last minute impulse, I let that bus go too. As I walked in to work at noon the next day, I smiled to myself, thinking of the good times over Morgan Spiced, Marlboro and club-hopping in the cold Glasgow drizzle...
Visiting Edinburgh with a close friend from JC days and enjoying ourselves while we explored the dark alleys, the multitude of Scotch whisky, the dark history and the colourful people of Scotland.
Skipping work for a few hours when a close friend from school transited through Singapore, to discuss love, life and careers.
And many more such reunions which lasted merely awhile but left pleasant impressions in my heart and mind...
Many, many new friends were made. Some were lost. And for someone who treasures special moments in isolation, even without the context of a life-long frienship, so many meaningful encounters occurred during all my travels - met fascinating, inspiring people who forced me to rethink everything I stand for, people who showed me possibilities, people who jerked away the veil from my eyes with a simple and insightful question, people whose impressions are seared in my memory forever.
Of those which have grown
My relationship with Ritwik. My closeness with my closest friends. Confusion about what I want out of life. My interest in the arts, theatre and film. My desire to do meaningful work. Cynicism. My maverick nature and tendency to rebel without a cause. My disdain for stupidity and hypocrisy.
Of those which have changed
Myself, physically - Good Lord, I lost 15 kgs in 2006 and promptly gained all of it in 2007. Most abominable! And among not so ignoble achievements, I discovered hair products, skin care and more feminine attire - egad, the tomboy has turned into a woman. Inevitable, eh?
Myself, mentally - A lot of white noise in my head has settled down and now a different sort of madness reigns in my cerebral region.
Interest in fitness - From zero to 10km. Running was something the pre-2006 Sherene would have dreaded. But a couple of long distance runs later, I want to maintain this as a life-long habit, although lethargy catches up with me every so often.
Alcohol consumption - Although I was veritably an alcoholic in my freshmen and sophomore years, I have gained a surprising hold on my drinking recklessly. Unlike some aunties who discover drinking at the grand ol' age of 27-28, I have outgrown this adolescent stage of drinking to prove a point.
So what next?
I am mired presently in much confusion. 2008 promises to be another defining year, with the possibilities of much change and exploration, but only after I am subject to some very difficult crossroads and tough questions. Finally, I will need to do what I have confessed to be terrible at - making choices.
I do not believe in New Year resolutions because there should not be just one day in a year whenone is allowed to revamp one's life, but I do have plans. Wish me luck as I go forth with much trepidation. Much is at stake, and there is sure to be much drama, since I am, after all, the ultimate drama queen :P However, I look forward to the rollercoaster ride, to learning so much more about myself and the world and to having a brilliant time while I am at it :)
Happy New Year, folks, for 2008 is here!
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Merry Christmas!
Dec. 25th, 2007 | 05:14 pm
location: Home
mood: cheerful
music: Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer
As I type this, I wear my Santa hat (the one I wore when I went to sleep last night :P), basking in the memory of last night's party. We celebrated Ritwik's b'day (Christmas eve!) and a very merry Christmas indeed, replete with a Christmas tree, baubles, bells, stars, friends, food, wine and yes, people in Santa hats. My first Christmas away from family, and my very first in Singapore, was surprisingly fun, thanks to an extended break from work and the company of fine people.
Merry Christmas to each one of you and hope you guys had a lovely time slowing down and catching up with family and friends!
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Indian Traffic
Dec. 7th, 2007 | 10:57 pm
location: Singapore
music: Three Doors Down's 'Here Without You'
This article by a tourist in India describing traffic on Indian roads is spot on and hilarious :D I actually burst out in laughter mid-way. A MUST read for anyone who's ever driven in India or plans to. Heck, it's a good read for anyone who's interested in the madness that is my country.
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What an appropriate song for the mood I am in. Yay for Ritwik getting back on Sunday :)
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What an appropriate song for the mood I am in. Yay for Ritwik getting back on Sunday :)
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Don't want to miss you tonight
Nov. 28th, 2007 | 10:55 am
location: Chandigarh, India
music: Goo Goo Dolls' 'Iris'
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
cause sooner or later its over
I just dont want to miss you tonight
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I don't want to leave. Every once in a while, I wonder why I don't just come back to India and live here. But then there are places to be, sights to see and a long way to go before I start making my way back.
Leaving Chandigarh in a couple of hours to hit Goa for the 38th International Film Festival of India, in progress for the past few days now. My two days would be a glimpse of the 10-day affair, but can't wait to catch up with FTII friends!
And I know I'll be throwing a mental tantrum when it comes to leaving India. Because I don't want to go back to the wretched place I have come to hate with an intensity that shocks me.
And all I can breathe is your life
cause sooner or later its over
I just dont want to miss you tonight
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I don't want to leave. Every once in a while, I wonder why I don't just come back to India and live here. But then there are places to be, sights to see and a long way to go before I start making my way back.
Leaving Chandigarh in a couple of hours to hit Goa for the 38th International Film Festival of India, in progress for the past few days now. My two days would be a glimpse of the 10-day affair, but can't wait to catch up with FTII friends!
And I know I'll be throwing a mental tantrum when it comes to leaving India. Because I don't want to go back to the wretched place I have come to hate with an intensity that shocks me.
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Regimental Spirit
Nov. 27th, 2007 | 12:55 am
location: Chandigarh, India
mood: 
drunk
music: 'Chunari, Chunari'
I was born into the regiment. Is it a wonder that I came back all the way from Singapore for the sesquicentenary celebration of the unit that is almost family, even though Dad left it ages ago for another unit?
4 Gorkha Rifles celebrates its big day over a few days and I cannot have enough of flitting from one social event to the next - socializing with seasoned war veterans and listening to their stories of days of glory, dancing ceaselessly to brilliant live music, Bhangra and otherwise, going live on Big FM (thanks to the RJ present among the media at the event), getting asked out by dashing young gentleman officers ;) As I step back into my familiar realm of old world charms, chivalrous gentlemen, socialites, whisky and soda, prim and proper British mannerisms and intelligent conversations, I crave once again for the life which meant more, the life which was led in the name of a higher cause, in the honour and safety of the country.
Being a bloody civilian, like I am now, sucks.
Being a bloody civilian means leading the life of a rat, in pursuit of better and bigger cheese.
Being a bloody civilian sucks the most when you celebrate such events with people who've lost their sons to the thankless cause of protecting the nation, and then you question the meaning of your existence and your job.
But as long as I can enjoy it, I am relishing my brief stint as the Brigadier's brat :D
4 Gorkha Rifles celebrates its big day over a few days and I cannot have enough of flitting from one social event to the next - socializing with seasoned war veterans and listening to their stories of days of glory, dancing ceaselessly to brilliant live music, Bhangra and otherwise, going live on Big FM (thanks to the RJ present among the media at the event), getting asked out by dashing young gentleman officers ;) As I step back into my familiar realm of old world charms, chivalrous gentlemen, socialites, whisky and soda, prim and proper British mannerisms and intelligent conversations, I crave once again for the life which meant more, the life which was led in the name of a higher cause, in the honour and safety of the country.
Being a bloody civilian, like I am now, sucks.
Being a bloody civilian means leading the life of a rat, in pursuit of better and bigger cheese.
Being a bloody civilian sucks the most when you celebrate such events with people who've lost their sons to the thankless cause of protecting the nation, and then you question the meaning of your existence and your job.
But as long as I can enjoy it, I am relishing my brief stint as the Brigadier's brat :D