By Alcestis "Cooky" Oberg Wed Feb 14, 6:56 AM ET 

  Valentine's Day is supposed to celebrate love. What it really celebrates is one tiny corner of love - romance. That part bombards us. It fills our TV screens, our bookshelves, our airwaves and our culture - most of it is lame fantasy nonsense, as if there were nothing else.

In real life, love is something completely different. It's not found in the narcissism of celebrities who flit from romance to romance. Instead it abides imperceptibly in the hearts and lives of millions of people who are not famous, but whose daily actions are a poem to love. This Valentine's Day, we should reflect on those bedrock components of love that so rarely are depicted or celebrated in our culture: loyalty, commitment and devotion - lifelong, steadfast and unconditional.

Take my old neighbor, Fred Popper. He's nearly 90 and has been married to his wife Renie for 65 years. His wife has been in failing health and had a stroke some years ago. He cared for her at home until he couldn't, then moved her to a nursing facility 10 minutes away where the care is kind and the ambience is cheerful. Every day - rain, snow, sleet or shine - he drives over and feeds her dinner. It is a task he could leave to the nurses, but he wants to do it himself.

On a recent visit, I watched as he gently raised each forkful to her mouth and smiled. She cannot speak, so if she feels uncomfortable, she lets out a loud groan. I was bewildered by her anguished cry, but Fred seemed to know just what to do - in a way that transcends ordinary human communication. He'd move a leg or an arm, strategically fluff a pillow, and she would subside into serenity.

Sometimes, when one speaks to her about old times, a beatific smile will light her face: She has briefly reconnected with the life that was hers and enjoys it again.

'A commitment'

When I told Fred how touched I was by his devotion, he said simply, "We've been married 65 years. I love her. I made a commitment."

It's the kind of commitment we don't hear about much nowadays: a lifelong allegiance to honor his mate no matter what state God has chosen to visit upon her.

Commitment is a sacred word for John and Jennifer Goldberg, too. John, a family friend, has cystic fibrosis, a deadly hereditary disease that fills his lungs with mucus and deprives his organs of oxygen. He never thought marriage was an option. But he met Jennifer at a seminary when they were both in their late 20s, and she brought within reach everything he ever wanted: marriage, children, family, joy. Both counselors and people of strong faith, John and Jennifer let their hearts guide their walk through life together. Just before Christmas, Jennifer gave birth to a big, healthy son while John awaited a lung transplant - both full of hope.

In a death-dealing world, the young family finds happiness in just being together, in doing ordinary things: going to dinner with friends, laughing at the antics of the baby, dreaming about the future.

Like ordinary couples, they have their good days and not-so-good days, part of the usual rhythm of married life. It is sometimes scary for Jennifer when John has life-threatening episodes of bad health, but they seem to have an optimism and a resilience that is extraordinary. "Life has its 'test days,' " she admits. "But he's so good, so good-hearted. He does things for me even when he's feeling sick. It's amazing what one can live with - how you can find normalcy amidst the dysfunction of illness." 

Divorce is not - and never has been - an option. Their profound love for one another provides context for their existence: "There's no 'me,' no 'her,' " John explains. "There is only 'us.' "

In a culture that focuses so intensely on the flings and fantasies of celebrities, I'd like to celebrate real-life love - Fred and Renie's love, John and Jennifer's love. We should toast love that is not just a feeling, but a kind of action, a way of life, even a form of being - a definition of who one is, why one exists.

Eternal love

While we may agree that the words "I love you" are the most important words in the world, the "I love you" that matters is not the kind that fades with time or adversity, but the kind that survives through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, until death - and only death - parts them. "We are none of us guaranteed any time on earth," Jennifer reflects. "Living with John for whatever time we have together is so much greater than living a life without him."

This Valentine's Day, I'm raising my best champagne glass to the real lovers of the world, the Forever Valentines. These are the people for whom "I love you" is not a fleeting infatuation but an ironclad oath and an enduring commitment: "I will love you always, no matter what." I'll cheer the couples whose bonds are so strong and so close that to consider one person alone without the other is unimaginable - as unimaginable as an existence without context, a life without meaning.

Alcestis "Cooky" Oberg lives near Houston and is a member of USA TODAY's board of contributors.

I've been spending most of my time lazying around at home after my last paper on Fri. I still have 3 more to go coming this Fri. I've been looking forward to the Australian Open and when i searched the channels for its broadcast this morning, none was telecast to my disappointment. I had diligently prepared my study table in front of the TV, and waiting to study at the same time while watching the matches. Sighh... 

And so, there wasn't any tennis, thus i had to move my things back to my room and do my stuff there. But the thing is, it is raining today and i feel really comfortable and all. While listening to some nice songs, i plan to take a short nap after writing this and begin my battle of the week before my next paper. I have no confidence of passing my next three papers. 

Of all my exams this semester, these 3 are the toughest. Magetism, MicroProcessor and Semiconductors. Man... i'm just going to study well what i can with the remaing time i have, and most of all, enjoy what i'm doing. I want to do it right in the first try. It doesn't matter if i fail, i can all have a re-exam. Most importantly, i want to grasp the concepts perfectly, so that i don't waste time studying all over again. Yup, do it once and do it right. 

Just the night before, a tennis friend of mine, who is also a journalist for some tennis magazine in Shanghai, asked me for an interview, to put me up in the column of tennis.com.cn item. Haha... he said in that particular section, they needed to find a player to write on. heh, and he thought about me. Boy, was i honoured. And so i have to prepare certain stuffs to send to him, like some photos, and write-ups and my tennis achievements. haha.. Although, i might not be selected, but i'm more than happy to try for it. heh.. But if i do, i would be famous overnight! =) 

Well, anyway, a great start to the new year! Miracles do happen, and hope it does this 2007.=) 

Nap time!~

God bless!~ 

"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity."  said my favourite scientist and mentor.

Yes. The 2006 passed by like a damn bullet. I would like to think of the year 2006 as a book i would read over and over again. A book hidden in the depths of my memory, sealed for eternity. One that cannot be described with merely words . And everytime i open that "book", it is fresh all over again, as if it were my first time. But now, it's time to look forward. That's why we were born with eyes placed in the front.

HAPPY NEW YEAR to all my friends and loved ones! =)  

I've had X'mas eves like these... where i spend the entire day at home resting. I remember my previous Christmas was spent with my family ,friends and relatives. And normally, if i didn't have any plans, i would be at home with my parents and brother fixing some jigsaw puzzle or playing scrabble. Strangely today, i have no plans at all and my flatmates are still sleeping.

During every X'mas or X'mas eve, i would go see the lightings in the city. I would love to do that today. But thing is, it is over an hour's journey. From where i stay, there is little or no Christmas atmosphere. Or perhaps i would whip up some beef or ribs stew today. BUT i canot find the ribs and meat that i want over here. hehe.. i would LOVE to have a turkey too. Ahh....a wonderful X'mas turkey, plus some Christmas carols and friends over. Sometimes, imagination is more beautiful than real life. And they would say in chinese, 幻觉爱是美。

Just yesterday, i played in the Chevrolet Tennis tournament, and fought my way to the remaining 32 players. And at my last match to reach the round of 16, i suffered a great defeat. Previously, i had won all my matches with a love game. This time, i lost with a love game. This was the very first time in China where i lost at a great margin. (I used to also lose many loves games back in SG.) Somehow, i wasn't that upset, but i sure was just a teensy little. During the match, i couldn't find a way to throughly break him. He was firm and stable from the baseline, and added a lot of top spin to his strokes. I couldn't return his strokes with the depth and power, and confidence as i usually would. He forced me to error. And i lost. 

I will learn alot from this defeat. YES, it will humble me. YES, it will humiliate me. YES, it will denouce me. YES, it will break me down into pieces and grind my pride into powder. BUT, i will rise again. I will rebuild the fortress. I will rebuild the ship. I will return to where it all began, at the drawing board. And YES, i will reign again and i will be stronger and tougher than before! Bwahaha! I am EUGENE MOEY! A mighty pirate!

And sure the banner is torn and the wind's getting colder. Perhaps i'm growing a little cynical. But, i know no matter what the waitress brings, i will drink it and always be full!

Have a MERRY X'MAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR everybody!!

I came across a blog entry from a friend's friend, which had this article written about a person whose mother had passed away.  He wrote it as a tribute to her, and it touched me.

"Melvin Tan Kok Liang

Oct 20, 2006. Today is my birthday and on Oct 26, it would have been yours, Mother. I dedicate this tribute to you.

IT HAS been a year and seven months since you passed away and I am still mourning you.

I was your only child, and you lavished your love on me and devoted yourself to bringing up a good son. We were not rich, but I was not deprived. You made sure I had the best, not just in material terms but in maternal love.

I remember in my primary school days, we illegally converted our one-room flat in Toa Payoh into a makeshift hairdressing salon.

Business was brisk, but eventually our house was raided by the authorities. During those tough times, I tagged along as we went door-to-door to promote your services in the estate.

You took such good care of all your customers, young and old, throughout the years, that even when we shifted to our three-room flat in Hougang, you were popularly known as Ah Hua, that dian mo jie (hairdresser) in Hougang Block 23. Your Toa Payoh customers continued visiting you there.

Everyone in the neighbourhood knew how thrifty you were, how you would walk to and from the wet market, to save on bus fare.

You saved up every cent and single-handedly managed the household budget. I never had to go hungry, never had to worry about my school fees or having a roof over my head.

As I grew older, I realised the things you did for our family, the values you lived by. In addition to taking care of the family, you also took it on yourself to look after both my grandmothers through their golden years. Though we never actually sat down and talked about such things, I learnt about integrity and honesty from the way you lived.

"Live within your means" was your motto and you did just that.

You never travelled (once, I went with some relatives to Malaysia, but you didn't follow as you thought two air tickets were too expensive). You never got into debt. You believed a simple life was a virtue in itself.

You never skimped when it came to food for the family, yet you skimped on your own material needs. The many handbags that I bought for you were carefully wrapped in layers and layers of newspapers, never used.

For 46 years, you slogged for the family, and when my hair salon business and overseas ventures did not do too well, you were the one who bailed me out without ever asking questions.

You encouraged me to try again, to never give up my dreams, but also to never forget those who helped me. I was 30 then.

Whenever we went to the temple, you would leave coins for the needy. Your lesson to me was to donate whatever I could, and not only when I am called upon to do so. Indeed, the way you helped others through small gestures, endeared you to many neighbours and friends.

As the years passed, you were diagnosed with high blood pressure. But you did not want me to worry, you would often brush aside your dizziness as a minor headache.

The day you fainted at home and was rushed to hospital, I knew it too late, that I had not done my part as a son, to check diligently on your health. I had taken it for granted that you would take care of yourself.

My heart sank when the doctor asked us to prepare for the worst, as you had gone into a deep coma due to a burst blood vessel.

As the only child, the decision to pull you off the life-support system fell to me. I had been showered with all your love, how could I possibly make that decision?

I hesitated for a long, long time. The doctor told us we were prolonging your suffering, and that the chances of your recovering were very slim. After much emotional struggle, we asked the doctor to reassure us that they had done everything they could for you.

Then we let you go.

As I stood by my cousin, the nurse unplugged the life support system. Your heartbeat slowed gradually. I cried for the longest time and held your body. I begged, I cried, I tugged at you, hoping you would miraculously show some movement.

You left us on March 1, 2005, at 2.17pm.

A year and a half has passed. It feels like you've never left me.

As I move on without you, I will always remember how you left me the best thing you could; your name, and everything good thing that it stood for. Ah Hua, that Hougang Block 23 dian mo jie.

Dear Mum, I love you and miss you."