| Just me and my cat |
[Jun. 4th, 2007|11:45 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | Gorrilaz | ] |
So, Im single again. I broke up with craig last thursday. Its a good thing but I wont get into why, if you want to know come ask me. So its just me and my cat(flcl episode) |
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| MOVING |
[Jan. 30th, 2006|08:52 am] |
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Im currently in the process of moving (starting today) so I will be offline for a while untill the wireless network car comes in for my computer. Noone reads this journal but in case someone does for some reason. Thats where I am |
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[Nov. 27th, 2005|10:53 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
Im sitting here crying because i'm depressed again. They started me on Lexapro 5 days ago. I cant tell If its making me worse .. or if im just down because the world and everything in it sucks. Im always fucking depressed so what does it matter anyway and thats all I ever write about in this thing so Im sure you can just copy and paste my old posts on top of this one and it will match up.. I dono.. I dont even know why everything sucks but it does. two seconds ago I knew why. I knew everything wrong and why and why i was sad and everything was clear and expressable but not anymore because im trying to write it down. It just doesnt come anymore. I think ive lost all my friends.. noone seems to want to talk to me on aim anymore... maybe im just so horrible.. I dont know. Im just so fucking emo. im disgusting myself by writing this. everyone seems gone.Im so desprite... I sit by the phone all day waiting for Craig to call or I'll sleep because hes at work and all I want is for him to be here. then the slightest thing he does sends me into a depressed state. wtf is wrong with me. My whole life revolves around him ... I dono... noone talks to me anymore. I dont hang out with anyone anymore for the last 4 days ive been on a caffeine pill binge. I took 4 yesterday. I havent taken any today tho. I just forgot what the hell I was doing. why am I even writing this. why am I sitting here. im going to go lay down now. bye\
by the way, I thought I should say. the little animated gifs that expresse the emotion you have in this journal peice at the moment piss me off. that is all. |
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| sleep deprivation |
[Nov. 17th, 2005|03:32 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  lethargic | ] |
It is night 2 of my sleeplessness. its 3:33 and disney is on. I wasnt watching I was reading Prozac Nation. Its a really good book Im almost done. My mind is wander so Its hard to concentrate. Im tired. but I cant stop being awake. My thinking is impared. the hardest part of the day is the 2 hours after schools out that I wait for criag because im more likely to fall alseep then. I dont know why im even doing this to myself. There is no real reason I need to stay up for days on end. im just odd I guess. |
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[Oct. 29th, 2005|12:02 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | billy talent - line and sinker | ] |
Today is Craig and I's 6 month marker :D. It doesnt feel like its been that long. Its been a great 6 months. Hes the best thing thats ever happened to me. I love him so much. Sadly he has to work untill 5. but after we are eating then trick or treating and then we will go to haunted houses. yay.
I havent reallly been updating this thing often. I suck. Not that anyone reads it so its ok. anyay, my brother rented DDR extreme 2 and Ive been playing it so much. Im playing it now but Im taking a break beacuse Im getting pissed off at how shitty my PA(accuracy hitting arrows) is. Its a fun game. Its got Sneaker Pimps in it which rocks.. but so far Ive only gotton to play spin spin sugar on it and the steps are lame but from what I hear there is more of their music. Captain Jack died. partying.. How sad ;o; OH, on a side note OURS played at orange street a month ago. randomly in the middle of their shows list is ohio... a friggen half hour away from me! randomly. I MISSED IT!! Craig and I(I got him addicted to them) were so pissed. its not fair.. they never go anywhere but they came here and I missed it. ;o;
Anyway I feel less pissed So im going to go beat this stage if its the last thing I DO!
OH and the other day.. from what I hear like 5 billy talent shirts where spotted on kids at my school! that rocks. And the TSHIRTs I designed for the school in one week have sold over 900 dollars in sales. more then twice as much as any class has ever sold period. and its onyl the first week! |
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[Oct. 21st, 2005|01:31 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| | uncomfortable | ] |
Please leave a one-word comment that you think best describes me.
It can only be one word.
No more.
Then copy & paste this in your journal so that I may leave a word about you. |
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[Sep. 29th, 2005|02:30 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | devils dance floor- flogging molly | ] |
| My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul |
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| eskiers goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as corpse bride. | | aakuenjeru tricks you! You get a rotten egg. | | am_the_law gives you 16 brown grape-flavoured jawbreakers. | | lacticgoat gives you 4 purple apple-flavoured gummy worms. | | mully tricks you! You lose 7 pieces of candy! | | no1listens2ska gives you 5 light green strawberry-flavoured wafers. | | tsaoshin tricks you! You lose 5 pieces of candy! | | eskiers ends up with 13 pieces of candy, and a rotten egg. | | Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern. |
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| CURRY |
[Sep. 27th, 2005|12:37 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | reel big fish - Kiss my deadly | ] |
Sitting here, listening to the Cure which I have recently become addicted to eating my instant red curry box. Which to my suprise isnt to far in taste from the stuff I pay 13 dollars for from Sue at House of Hunan. I love curry so much. I could live off of it. I probably like it because my mom took me to eat it when I was little a lot. But boy do I love curry. People around me hold pervy to my endless ranting of its majisty.
I closed tonight, I close all week. Its ok tho! Craig got a job with me so now Its fun closeing.Tonight was his first night, he said it was so boring and he was really tired. Its his second job after all, he has a right to be tired. 40-50 hours at his factory job then 20-30 hours at arbys a week is a lot. Anyway, being a minor I cant work past 10:59. Slicer closes at like 11:30 so durring my wait for him to finish I walked to walmart(the 4th time that day I was there.. rawlston made fun of me) I went to the girls section to get a plain black hoodie and It was 14 dollars.. So I knew if I went to the boys section I could get it for 5 dollars less as is whith any clothing at walmart, sure enough it was 8.95 there on clearance from 10.. well I was looking at them and I looked down and found 5 dollars! what luck. yay. So I got to buy extra shirt paint as was my plan and thread and cool stuff to deck out my new hoodie. So tonights project. design my hoodie and paint it. :D yay.. wow. what a boring life I leed. really I only started this journal to rant on curry. Oh well. noone reads my stuff anyway. :D |
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| Headges |
[Sep. 17th, 2005|04:14 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
My hands are shaking.. I just spent the last 4 hours clipping headges. Apprently I have a gift for it.. what a lame talent. Anyway. It was work for house showing day again.. Every friggen day is clean for house showing day. Im so sick of it. I closed last nIght and today was my only real day off (no school yay saturday) And insteed of doing fun I worked more. Im burnign out from being so busy all the time. Durring the week I go to school tell 2:30 then at 4 I go to work untill close I usualy close 4 nights durring the week. Its just getting really tireing. Anyway Im whinning. Craigs asleep on my bed. He said to wake him when I was done and if he said 5 more minutes to say something witty to make him get up. I woke him. he asked for 5 more minutes I tried to wit. he went back to sleep. so.. In 10minutes I'll wake him again. He's so bad about waking XD. My hands are so shaky from doing the headges. I can barely type. I want to draw but I cant hold a pencil. Later we are supposed to go DDR'ing. yay DDR. Im getting better.. sorta still nowhere near craig or any of the eliteists. I can do some 9 footers. Im best on 8 footeres. I do better on them then the easier songs. Im so going to AA senorita soon. Thats a fun song. I actualy dont close at work tommorow! yay/ And I requested friday off this next week so I can actualy do something/ My hands are so shakey. I've been feeling kind of bad lately I think I'm ignoring my friends a lot. Brad and I never hang out anymore And I think I will change that. Craig I think feels bad to. We are going to hang with Nick more now.. so he doesnt try to commit suicide again like tuesday. stupid bastard. 60 depression pills he took. Almost died.
Ive been drawing lately. Lots of gorey Blood stuff. Im working on another peice thats so sencelessly violent .I love it. My teacher opened my sketchbook to the front page with the girl blowing his brains out. made a funny squeek noise closed the book and opened to something else and pretended it didnt happen. HAHA it was funny. everyone was laughing because most of the kids have seen my insane art. Ive got so much to draw lately too. Like 8 people want tattoos. I have a huge portrait I have to do 4 art projects due really soon and some more I dont even remember. Im so loaded with work. Any I've not been on the island as much as I want to lately as well! bad me. All my responsibilites are spinning out of control Im swamped with so much. Im not sleeping much either again. maybe 2 or 3 hours. If I try to sleep more I just wake up at like 4am. Its reallying annoying.
anyway Its been 10minutes so Im going to attempt to wake craig. :D hes all cute asleep under my covers drooling on my sheets XD.. |
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| DDR day |
[Sep. 11th, 2005|01:06 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | hawthorne heights- ohio is for lovers | ] |
Ok so its been a while since I updated. Im a slacker. school started. Its ok. My classes are boring and I'm not paying attention. I dont even feel like im at school anymore. its all a big sureal blur. after school I work. yay work. they have me closeing which sucks. days i dont work I hang with craig. I really have to get my art portfolio done. im so lazy. grr.everything feels rushed now. my house is really screwed up. more so than last if thats even possible. My parents hate each other and that causes tension. There being real assholes to john. everyones not moving in life and suddenly everythings hitting hard. reality is sinking it that my manditory schooling is amost over and Im going to have to figure out my life.. and then what middleagedness which is terrifying. then death. its a screwed up existance. I dono I think to much. Its all very stressful. I contimplate death way to much for a healthy human being. Its like... damn one day im not going to exist. one day im going to be lying on some bed old and wrikly and just die. what is the point then. I mean really. we all just live a poitless existance maybe effecting a minut portion of our society and die. that it. our time on earth is done and now its time for the afterlife. which is just as frightening a thought as living in the first place. as a christian I have this intense fear that I will go to hell some day. that I will fuck up my life and not get heaven. I know this isnt a logical thought but who wouldnt be afraid of that. If you as a person believe in heaven and hell. Its very scary to think that you may go to hell. I dont want to suffer forever. I dont want others to. Why would that happen. I know as a christian Im not supposed to look at life like this. That I am supposed to be doing things for God. but something is wrong in my head. my brains broken and all I can fixate on is these thoughts of poitlessness. I am pointless, why was I made. and I'm not talking all this in a suicidal mannor. Completly sane of mind. for the most part. but ya I dono. I want to be a kid again and be ignorant of all this. Just run outside and play. The world is such a horrible place. abuse, rape, molestation, hatrade, murdur, marth stueward. why do these things exist. Everywere i turn another person I know is being hurt by someone. Having things done to them that they dont diserve. Its incredable the cruelty of man. I dont understand how someone can let themselves be so mean to another person. I dont understand my parents and there cruelty. I dont want to get like that. I dont ever want to hurt others. I hate hurting others. Thats probably why I say sorry so much. haha. people get so mad at me for it. Do other people think these thoughts. Does everyone. and if not, why not. Its a completly logical thought pattern. Ok not that logical. I want ignorance. Blissfully ignorant. I dont want to think these things. I just want to float as one of those people who just doesnt let it all get to them. I want to be like everyone else. And as hard as I try I'm not. I will never be average and I will never fit in. I want to giggle intensely at the most retarded shit. Or want to look cute. Or have to ask questions durring movies just to grasp the consept of the plot. Im not saying this all as reference to me being intellegent. because I know im not that. Im not retarded. But im no genius. At least as far as I know. I really dont know what Im saying. I came in here about to write how I playd DDR for 4 hours but ended up ranting a ridiculous rant of pointlessness. I think to much.
Ok so I played DDR for 4 hours. 12 dollars 57 songs(5 songs a set with extra stage). max combo was 374 I think that for 474.. cant remember... it wasnt on just one song tho I was playing a nonstop set. Fullcomboed one of the songs and the other I think I got about 100 ish into it before breaking the combo. beat a few 9 footers. mostly 8. started out with 7 footers to get warmed up. some of the best in the area came later on (just in time to watch me fuck up from fatigue on my last set) saola was cool to watch. I forget the song.. I think a 9 footer he got one great on almost AAA. thats the only score of his I paid attetnion to. I got some A's.. mostly B's but hey thats a lot of playing. I do better on the 8 footers then the 9 footers which is odd. haha. If i had more stamina I could have beat Healing Vision angelic mix(10footer) I got 1/3 into it with a full bar before I died and stopped. played a couple 10's and some 9's. Had lots of people watching today. that was fun.
Ok well. Im tired (rightfully so) I think I'll sleep or somethign. Or at least zone.
night |
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| rawr |
[Jul. 7th, 2005|11:19 pm] |
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| rawr |
[Jul. 7th, 2005|05:20 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | Nirvana - Lithium | ] |
rawr/ I'm bored so i thought i would update. Today i went to work for 4 whole hours!! woo go me. Arbys needs to give me more hours. im poor. At work this guy got upset about the price of his meal and he was all "YOUR CRAZY!!!! RAWR" and drove away without paying or eating. He called me crazy it was funny. I'll try really hard to change the prices i swere. Im sorry i just cant help myself i love making you pay more. -_- After that I showered. Clean is good. Than i cleaned my room than my bathroom. Afterwards i put drano down my plumbing and WD40'd my door. it was squeeky Than i watered the plants. Semi-Busy day. Yesterday we celebrated peaches birth at the mall and rinky dink for DDR. I love playing in public now people freak out and complement "OMG!! WOW HOW DO YOU DO THAT YOU MOVE SO FAST!!!" then give us money. I bought a army green jacket. Its spiffy.
Craigs still at work. Poor craig, they keep giveing him uber long shifts.
Im bored. so ill draw. yay. draw |
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| canival |
[Jun. 25th, 2005|12:37 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | some techno rave on craigs computer next to me | ] |
So i attended the carnival today. IT was really fun. we hung out with brad (we being craig and i) and beccy. rose lots of rides. ate gross carnival fattening food. So as we were leaving(just craig and i now) it was 11:30 and we were walking down the streat to get to memorial park where we parked and there was these 2 guys ( early 20's) who where messed up on something, weed i assume. they were following this lady. Like blatantly following her not 20 feet away. She was mid 30's small and skinny. craig and i realize there up to something and that there obveously going to try something so we skip going to the car and just keep following her to make sure nothing happens. This really pisses them off because were going to spoil there plans so they start calling at us stuff like "hey isnt it past you kids cerfew fucking 12 year olds(slured drugged grammer talk) and craig and i are like "... uh no fuck you were 19(lie)" there pissed but keep following the lady so we follow closer. she gets to get van and gets in. There pissed they missed there chance to do stuff so they start following us and calling slured obsinities, we walk faster. The lady called the cops who being in the area because of the carnival promptly showed up and arrested there asses. We just kept walking. It was scary. stupid fucking stoner hicks. At least the lady was ok tho.
Moral of the story:drugs are bad. dont do them.
then i got sick from the carnival food and its new residents lies in the wadsworth plumbing. mm.
it was still a good night. |
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[Jun. 22nd, 2005|03:04 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | reel big fish - hungry like a wold | ] |
wow were sucky pirates. Its because danas dead |
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| dreams |
[Jun. 21st, 2005|12:31 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | rise against- life less frightening | ] |
I've been having the most random dreams about islanders lately. first it was tsao and me in college. than last night I had a really weird/cool dream. ok I was at mcdonalds and my old manager was there with her 3 kids (she doesnt have kids really) and we all started cleaning things and i was talking to the little girl and cleaning. Thank i decided to go home and watch tv (home was not my real house buy my own place) i turned on the tv and this commercial came on with lavalizards characters Chisai and his master guy. They were in 3D and advertising something weird like car insurance. but man it was awsome! i freaked out in the dream im like "omg omg thats chisai!!!!" and i run to the message board to post about it (message board is real in my dream not on computer) than i run to tsao and mullys next door. there watching tv on there couch and im all excited and tsao isnt and he says that the commercial really made lava mad because it used really crappy voices. mully agreed than mully and i talked about something for a while which i cant remember what it was. i paniced thinking everyone hated the commercial and deleted my post. and went searching for lava. Then i woke up. the commercial really was awsome tho. |
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| ourfuckeduplittlesociety |
[Jun. 8th, 2005|01:28 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| | drained | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | billy talent - this is how it goes | ] |
so there was another suicide in our town. not a kid this time tho. a 30 year old man apparently shot himself in durling park. thats waht 4 for the year. thats pretty fucked up. and brittania fredrick, who i was friends with in 8th grade. is dead. she got in a car wreck saturday. |
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[May. 14th, 2005|01:17 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| | nauseated | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | The used- i caught fire :3 | ] |
So today i had to close for the 3rd day in a row im so wipped. and at the end i got horribly ill. like ive never been so sick, when i got home i was so sick i just broke down into tears. during work john got really ill too and had to leave early, hes my ride home. we were going to go to walmart, mindy went with him so ya. craig showed up with nick and connie at closeing time :D rescueing me from nonrideness. so it took me an hour to close becuase i was sereously going to pass out. then we went to walmart, i wanted to get connie something for her birthday :D shes 15 now. got her chalk and pocky. took us an hour to get the stuff and 20 minutes to check out. ok so we got home and i walk in and like everyones watching movies /)_(\ and they tell me dads freaking out and driving all over town looking for me. im terrafied now because i figure i would surely get it for making him drive all over town(even tho my brother and mindy both knew i was going to walmart, john forgot to mention it) tim said he thought i was dead of making out and said i wasnt at walmart for an hour and half i was lieing (which i wasnt!!) dad came home and much to my suprise, he wasnt angry at all. like no anger whatsoever he let me explain and said to call next time, i was so suprised and felt a little guilty for making him worry. but really i mean i did tell john. so that was good. but im still really ill. i went upstairs and threw up. showered and feeling a little better.cant wait for tommorow :D. anyway. time to sleep and get better. goodnightall |
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| quiz |
[May. 14th, 2005|01:16 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| | nauseated | ] |
What You Really Think Of Your Friends
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Liz is your soulmate. |
| You truly love Craig. |
| You consider Tsao your true friend. |
| You know that Mully is always thinking of you. |
| You'll remember Beccy for the rest of your life. |
| You secretly think Brad is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times. |
| You secretly think that Mindy is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker. |
| You secretly think that Dana is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Dana changes lovers faster than underwear. |
| You secretly think Nat is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Nat has a hidden internet romance. |
stolen from mully ;3 most are true. |
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| mow |
[May. 11th, 2005|02:30 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| | blah | ] |
new layout pic thing. the old one was so ugly it pissed me off.
so today at school a girl brought a gun. to shoot us :D wadsworth is so safe. she got arrested, and TAZED! yay.
I didnt pretty much nothing all day. yay. got awarded at school assembly. that was just plain annoying. i really didnt care if i got it or not i want my f*in cookies. oh well. stupids.
its almost 3am
i should sleep.
later
<3 |
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| :D |
[May. 3rd, 2005|02:06 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| | content | ] |
Today was my frist day of work at arbys. It was actualy rather fun and easy. I was nervious tho, you could tell but who isnt there first day. I did cash register and closed front. learned it all in one day :D. yay. got out at 10:40 so i was tired
Craig and I are going out now. :D. that makes me really happy. thinking about it puts me in a euphoric state of smileing. I feel a little bad tho, im so... ignorant on this all that i think its making it harder to actualy act like were going out. stupid unassertive me. Anyway, its still great. ;]
I won the art show last week, best of show. there were 4 of us so it wasnt that big a deal some lady walked up to me and stuck her hand in my face and told me how much she likes my art and she wishes me luck for the future. It was akward but it was cool so be recognized like that.
its 2am and i really should be sleeping. Friday is amityville horror night. cant wait. and thursday is a ddr tourniment craigs in. :D im going to watch and make sure i dont ddr in front of all the elietists.
well i guess ill sleep. or something. hehe. gnight |
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eskiers's journal