| unrequited love and affection |
[Feb. 5th, 2005|11:22 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | school, women | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Smashing Pumpkins - 1979 | ] |
I recently watched Love Actually and Lucky Guy (Stephen Chow), which got me thinking about old infatuations. I don't brood on old crushes but rather associate them with good feelings. (If any of you guys have stories like these, I'd love to read them)
The first girl I remember having a crush on was named Christine Jung, this was during elementary school. I never quite knew what her specific nationality was, it was probably Korean (I always assumed Chinese because in grade school I was an idiot). Christine seems to be one of the most common names for Asian girls (besides Jen. I am so sick to death of that name, no offense to anyone who may hold that moniker. I have no problems with Jennifer, but Jen sounds terribly trendy in a trying-to-be-cute way). I can't say I ever really knew her or talked to her much, and we didn't hang out with the same crowds. She was just a very intelligent and beautiful girl. Beautiful in a very classy, natural way, like she needed no effort or makeup. Even though I always just admired her from afar back in the day, she remains in my mind the ideal picture of a classically beautiful Asian woman. Since we always went to the same schools, on occasion in high school we'd wave or smile at each other. That was about the extent of it, I never really knew her. I looked her up on Friendster and I think she's in marketing or something now. Hope to see her at the reunion.
My next big crush was a girl in middle school. She was in 7th grade, I was in 8th. Her name was March Hom. She was a very quiet, timid, lonely looking girl. Behavior was stereotypical of Chinese people- good grades, silent, polite, introverted. She had what seemed to be just one friend, neither of them smiled much. She had very short, boyish hair... and very very distinct Chinese features. Cute lips, small nose, HUMUNGOUS EYES. Oy, big beautiful ones. Still, she wasn't what you would consider conventionally attractive but I just loved her to death. Of course at the time I looked like a mutant (even moreso then than now) and was completely socially inept so any attempts at conversation ended up with me making a total fool of myself to an insane degree. That I'm not proud of. She's the most traditionally Chinese girl I've ever liked, and we probably didn't have anything in common, but I still smile when I think about her. At the time I would've killed three men for the chance to just give her a hug. Lord knows where she ended up, think a friend of mine some years back went to school with her at UC Davis or something.
By far the biggest unrequited-love-bender of my life was Tiffany Loui. For three years in high school she was my heaven and hell. She was half Chinese and half Hawaiian, an extreme workaholic (the kind that gets all the extra stamps on their diploma, belongs to all the important after school clubs and never sleeps), and was vastly talented in a multitude of things. What I really loved about her was her smile, and despite the fact that she worked herself 5 times as much as any normal student she always radiated this wonderful energy. She was a walking battery and I just lost my head when she was around. For two years (Junior year was the worst) I left notes in her locker every day, bought her gifts for no reason. I got the stones to ask her out once, and she was too busy. The worst moment was when I bought her this enormous stuffed dog the day before Christmas break and left it in her locker (it took up the whole space) only to find out later that she just started going out with someone. Gods that hurt. I continued on my futile antics (ultimately, all the gift-giving was just to make ME happy) until midway through my Senior year when I fell in love with Nicole and gloriously embarked on my first serious relationship. Thinking about Tiffany brings back a lot of bad with the good because as much as I devoted myself to her, she kept on going out with all these fucking white guys instead. Jesus Holy Potemkin Buster Christ, WHAT IS IT WITH ASIAN CHICKS AND WHITE GUYS. Oh well. It felt good to try to make her happy, and I got over that crush anyway. Although I still hold resentment to those white guys who treated her like shit (that figures, doesn't it?). I called her up a few months ago, she's living in San Diego working at a biotech firm or something like that and recently got engaged to someone. Funny. edit: It's also funny that I've never dated an Asian woman, besides Nicole who was half-Filipino.
Those are the only three that hold true significance from my youth. I can think of a lot of mild crushes (Joanne from FCBC, Mandy the Jehovah's Witness, other Nicole with the permanently hard nipples from Capoeira), but they weren't as affecting in the long run.
For better or worse, you never forget the ones that hit you in the heart so hard that you lost yourself in a total stranger. |
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