| Good fucking times. |
[Apr. 3rd, 2005|03:45 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | herv, videogames | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Tekken 5 Select Screen | ] |
The last four hours were such fun, I'm repeating it here to log in my memorable entries.
TODE, Listers Cat and their horde of Wrestlemania fans clotheslined their way into my house at about 10 after the Hall of Fame event. TODE looked absolutely strapping in his shorts & tube socks, and had a cheerful complexion not unlike a man who has just slaughtered a basket of kittens with his teeth. Listers Cat was an imposing giant with a robust Hugo-esque frame, fists like ham-hocks and a beard that exclaimed, "I WILL BREAK YOU." Nice guy. I was also introduced to Dustin/Jackarot (TODE's roomie), who is an avid gamer and pleasant fellow. DYLE materialized soon after and took TODE from behind, caressing his taut- wait. I mean DYLE showed up soon after and exchanged pleasantries with TODE. He was not unlike which I had visualized, a fine specimen of a negro, pure of spirit and cradling his dick in his left hand for safety (I assumed). I, having been masturbating feverishly as I anticipated their arrival, promptly dressed myself before any awkward first impressions.
First things first, everyone stared at my walls for a few minutes. Then we plunged headfirst into Tekken 5 (after I had granted both TODE and DYLE 99,999,999 G with my Action Replay). TODE, Listers, DYLE, Jackarot and I played roughly 2 dozen matches as we waited for the pizza to arrive. There was much jubilance in the casual matches and passing round of the controller. TODE frequently exclaimed his losses were due to his lack of a stick (as he forewarned).
Highlights of the casual matches:
-Me actually CH'ing Jackarot with Bruce's SS+3 (much to the "OMG NO RESPECT" hollering of DYLE)
-Everyone falling for TODE's Xiaoyu u/f+3+4 at least once at match start
-TODE, DYLE and I inadverdently saying TODE and DYLE instead of real names (so ashamed)
-Me Captain Kirk-ing TODE's Kuma with Eddy's u/f+1+2
-Listers Cat getting bored and dropping everyone with a DDT
DYLE, Jackarot, TODE, Listers Cat
Jackarot, having been sitting on his feet for several games, tried to get up and couldn't feel his legs. He promptly collapsed and crushed the local populace. DYLE is shown celebrating this visual spectacle.
There was much shit to be talked (DYLE gave specific forewarning about the possiblity, but we all went with it anyway), but not that much happened until the pizza came. What was discussed will never leave my kitchen. Shortly after eating, Listers Cat grabbed the young'n Chris (I believe that's his name) who was part of the Wrestlemania group, slapped him like Hugo's standing Strong, choked him like Heihachi's LP+LK and then broke the poor kid in half like King Slender's grab+A. It was a joyful and spontaneous moment like a flock of geese rapidly ascending from a tranquil lake in the park. You had to be there.
Then it was back to video games. DYLE gave birth to his SFAC joystick which he had been storing below his glans. TODE fondled the newborn with joy, and attempted to reclaim his Tekken dignity now that a stick was in his grasp. We commenced with the HerV Tekken 5 Regionals (long story short, I won. RLX 4~3,1,4,4,3+4). TODE took another shot at me with the stick in hand (having only played me with the pad) and unfortunately could not manhandle victory.
TODE attempting to manhandle victory.
Highlights of the T5 regionals:
-DYLE's Hwoarang sidestepping Xiaoyu's d/b+1 with RFF b+4 and K.O.ing her forehead first into the ground.
-Everybody at some point completely blanking on a juggle after a launcher.
It being daylight savings, plus TODE & the gang having to attend a breakfast event at 6 a.m., farewells had to be said just as we were starting to get into the swing of things. Esco attempted to teach TODE a sentai pose, with hilarious results. Pictures were taken, including the following, which is a bit blurry.
Listers, TODE, Esco & DYLE. Note DYLE leaning his head away to prevent any of us leeching off his swanky black aura.
Once TODE, Listers and their merry band of WWF enthusiasts had gone, I showed DYLE my short film which ObiJay had also enjoyed. DYLE laughed to humor me, then stabbed me in the balls with a pen-knife for wasting his time. We then waxed philosophical as we cranked up ye olde Third Strike. More shit was talked, and damn funny shit it was too. Surprisingly, we ended up even 5-5. I gave DYLE a run for his money with Elena, Akuma, and Hugo as he thoroughly trounced me with his Alex, Dudley, and Ibuki (Ken and Chun Li were completely avoided).
Highlights:
-DYLE letting me taunt 3x with Q and saying "Why the fuck did I just let you do that?"
-DYLE's Ibuki jump forward cancel to Kunai, super-cancel to Kasumi Suzaku and murdering me
-My Hugo, with zero health, bounding over DYLE's Sean with Shootdown Backbreaker, then Moonsault Press from behind for the win
-Me falling for Sean's basketball (parried) to EX tackle not once, but thrice
-Me actually catching DYLE's Twelve with close Yoroi Dooshi for the win (my Ibuki's particularly scrubalicious so it was a surprise)
After soundly agreeing to end on a draw, we put our clothes back on and said farewells. Twas' a fine evening worth recording in the annals of history. Except TODE & Listers should've stuck around longer and played SF with us.
Bonus pictures: TODE'S GAME FACE and DYLE'S GAME FACE
RESULTS & QUOTES FROM THE WEST COAST TEKKEN 5 HERV REGIONALS
Esco: "So who do you want to start with?"
DYLE: "TODE. After playing him, I've gotten a pretty good feel for the competition, and I know I'm gonna win."
Room: "ROFL"
TODE: "Hey!"
Semifinals (bold=winner, *=win) Best 2 out of 3
DYLE vs TODE
Lee vs Wang*
Bryan* vs Wang
Hwoarang* vs Xiaoyu
Jackarot vs Esco
Kazuya vs Eddy*
Kazuya vs Eddy*
EXHIBITION MATCH (Listers doesn't play Tekken 5 but he said what the hell)
Listers Cat vs Jackarot
Heihachi vs Kazuya*
Marduk vs Kazuya*
Listers Cat: "Ahhh, fuck this."
Finals:
DYLE vs Esco
Raven vs Eddy*
Hwoarang* vs Eddy
Hwoarang vs Eddy*
TODE: "His Eddy's UNSTOPPABLE!"
Having won the HerV Regionals, I will now move on to fight... nobody.
TODE: "Hey, your Xiaoyu looks great."
Esco: "I never use her. I just tried to make her look like Chun."
DYLE: "It's always a pretty good idea to make a girl look like Chun." |
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