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En Sabah Nur's LiveJournal:
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| Wednesday, March 14th, 2007 | | 9:15 pm |
Goodbye So I'm leaving on a jet plane. I don't know when I'll be back again. Hmm...sounds like a song... Anyway, Monday I'm leaving for California for work. We're opening a new Fry's Electronics store in Roseville, CA, which is near Sacremento. I'll be gone anywhere from 3-5 weeks. Sadly, I'll be working 14-15 hour days, 7 days a week. On the upside that equals a lot of money, which I could really use right now. Let's see...update... Well, work sucks. Aside from the kinda cool aspect of travel, I hate my job. The management sucks (upper management, not my Supervisors) and put WAAAY too much pressure on us for things. Usually, with them, it's like the right hand doesn't know what the left is doing. It's infuriating. Also, some of the associates are frustrating. Social life...absolutely nothing to report. I hang out with Jess, I hang out with Noah on occasion when we're both not working. I think I'm still nervous about social situations. Noah invited me to go to a club with him and Heather and I turned him down. Had better things to do than watch hot women dance and feel sorry for myself, so I went home and played games....and felt sorry for myself. I miss everyone terribly, but am horrible at keeping in touch. Unfortunatly, some of my friends are, too. Finances...still broke. Hopefully this trip will change that. When I get back I'll probably have a bunch of hours too, since I'll be probably covering for Tina. I do have a lead on another job though. Don't know how that'll turn out since I AM leaving, but we'll see. All in all....things bite. See, this is why I don't post. It started as a simple "I'm leaving on Monday" and changed to "Boo Hoo I'm Scott and I'm Moping." WTF?? Current Mood:  blah | | Wednesday, September 20th, 2006 | | 12:10 pm |
Birthday *Growl* Current Mood:  cranky | | Thursday, September 7th, 2006 | | 3:19 am |
@_@
So...
Yeah.
I find myself taken back in time about 8 or 9 years ago. Something I really hadn't thought of pops into the noggin and has been a huge distraction over the past week. It shouldn't be. It really shouldn't affect me, but it does. Well, it's two-fold, actually. The thing I hadn't thought of in a while reminds me of something that I always think about. So, double the distraction.
Sorry about the vague-ness. Not really wanting to divulge things just now.
Suffice to say...I really like red.
Current Mood: Distracted | | Wednesday, September 6th, 2006 | | 1:35 pm |
Vacation
Been chillin' like a villian these past few days at my buddy Noah's place (technically his parents place, but they're out of town this week). Figure this is my only chance for an actual vacation, so I'll take it.
Been pretty groovy. Catching up with old friends = groovy. Been curbing the mood swings which is good. The past month I've felt extremely stabby.
*Stab*
Smoked more cigarettes in the past few days than in the past year, thank you Heather. ;) Luckily, it's not because I'm pissed, it's just that I want one (and general calming is good).
All in all, good times are being had.
And now, we may go Go-Kart racing!! SHAZAM!! | | Wednesday, July 19th, 2006 | | 12:04 am |
*SMASHES HEAD AGAINST WALL* So that feeling like I've been alienating all my friends? Yep. TRUE. Talked with my best friend tonight, and he was bitching at me for saying I'll be there when he invites me places and then cancelling. The real pisser is that...he's completely right. I've been making plans then backing out of them with lots of people. Or, I've been turning down plans. The last time I talked with another friend of mine, I think I came across as a dick or something. I had something to tell her, but wouldn't. Here's the reasons why. One, I'm a complete wuss when it comes to my mom. Since I was a kid, she's made me seriously afraid of her. Now, to the normal person, this sounds wierd, but probably like I'm exaggerating. Not at all. I have a real hard time standing up to her. I've done it before, but shake afterwards. I used to be much better, thanks to Jen. She showed me just what my mother has done to me and helped me a lot. However, she's not here, and since I've been living at home I've reverted to how I was before I moved out. Throw in the fact that Austin (my stepdad, for new readers) can't stand me living here and doesn't really like me at all (the feeling's quite mutual), it ads up to tons o' fun. Two, I seem to have transformed into a hermit. I'm kinda anxious about crowds, and I don't feel comfortable going out anymore. Which is not to say I don't want to. I really, really, REALLY wanna go out. It's just that...I feel awkward. I went out with Megan couple times to the bar that her and her brother go to and felt very wierd, like I just didn't belong. Is that true? I've felt it before with Kevin and Traci. Everyone will say that it's not true, that I do belong. I believe them, I just feel wierd I guess. I wish I could explain it more. Three, everytime I go out with friends, I get shit from my mom. Whenever I was dating Jess, I'd say I was gonna go see her, and she'd give me so much grief. "I don't think you should, Scott. You haven't really done anything around the house." REALLY?? Maybe because I've been working 50 friggin' hours??? Lately, it's been a bit better, but they've been really hard on my money since I didn't have money to buy a car or to move out. They're right, but Jesus, I need to get out of this house sometime when I'm NOT working. Alright, bitching over. I just want everyone to know that I don't mean to be like this. If you're my friend, you know I'm not normally like this. I've changed and not for the better. I just feel incredibly lost. I'm not going to school this year, perhaps ever. I don't know what I want from life...career, love, anything. Not a clue. I'm in a dead end job that I hate, but I love the people I work with. I seem to be working constantly, even though I don't make 40 hours. I can't afford to live where I want. My friend doesn't want to get a place with me because of all this. I just...GAH. Alright, NOW bitchings over. Sorry for anyone who wasted their time on this blog. *SMASHES HEAD AGAIN* Current Mood:  stressed | | Sunday, July 16th, 2006 | | 10:28 am |
Fuck.
Couldn't sleep very well last night. Had a really bad dream.
Isn't it a terrifying when your sins come to visit you? The past opens up to swallow you, and you can't breathe. You can't breathe and the light fades and you scream, but no sound comes out. But you keep on screaming. Tears sting your eyes, blood runs from your nose, and you fucking scream.
Current Mood: Dark | | Saturday, July 15th, 2006 | | 9:08 pm |
*Yoink!* ( Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)
| × I miss somebody right now. |
✓ I don't watch much TV these days. |
✓ I own lots of books. |
| × I wear glasses or contact lenses. |
✓ I love to play video games. |
✓ I've tried marijuana. |
| ✓ I've watched porn movies. (Big shock there, right?) |
✓ I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. |
✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy. |
| ✓ I curse sometimes. (ALL THE TIME) |
✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. |
× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me. |
( it goes on... ) | | Wednesday, June 7th, 2006 | | 9:45 pm |
Good news, bad news...
So...
Yeah. My car died. DIED. Blew a head gasket. I feel like a fucking idiot because it's my fault. I always forget to check fluids and what not. I just can't seem to remember.
So that's the bad news.
Here's the good news.
Looks like I'm getting a new car! My folks and I have talked, and that seems to be the only thing I can do. They know a guy at Guaranteed Cars in Puyallup (I think) that has been good for them before. Hopefully, I can get a car for a fairly low monthly payment. We took a look at a few already (they were closed, but we could still peek). Here's a few I liked:
*Plymouth Neon - 98,289 miles, red, pretty groovy
*Ford Contour - Another white car, but same parts as my Mystique, so I'll have a good supply of parts.
*Saturn - Nothing about it stands out, but only 136,520 miles (Mine is over 190k)
*Dodge Neon - This one looks great. Good shape, only $3,200, and 127,644 miles
*Saturn - 2001!! Looks really great! BUT...white. I can deal with white, but *sigh*
Anybody got an opinion?
Current Mood: Uncertain | | Tuesday, June 6th, 2006 | | 1:20 pm |
Of dead vehicles and....well, of dead vehicles... So, my car died on the way home from work last night. I was stuck on the side of Hwy 167 for a while, then got towed home. Looked like I ran out of coolant, so I added some, and tried to start it. No dice. So I'm worried that I've fucked something up pretty good. I hope it's nothing more than a little part that needs to be replaced, but...ugh.
Screw it. I'm watching Venture Bros. Current Mood:  worried | | Thursday, June 1st, 2006 | | 12:48 pm |
Resurface Okay, so it's been a while. Everyone knows about me and Jess, so I won't get into it. It was difficult enough the first time. Suffice to say we're over but remain good friends. She really is a great great person and I'm very grateful for her friendship. The other day I crashed at my friend Nick's place and we watched Crash. VERY good movie, but difficult to watch. For those of you who haven't seen it, it deals with racism and all of our prejudices. Things like what some people do when they see two black men walking toward them on the street, or what some people think when they see a young hispanic man with tattoos. Do we assume he's a gangbanger? Do we assume the two black men are going to mug us? During the whole movie, my opinion of humanity was lowered incredibly, and it was already pretty low. I work in retail, after all. It was a movie that made me ashamed to be white. I have black friends, hispanic friends (and family!!), white friends, even Iranian friends. I love them for who they are. For my friends, I know it's difficult. Even in our "enlightened" time, there is still ignorance. Not just skin color, but religion and sexuality. Even social status. For me, it's difficult as well. I was raised by people who are very prejudiced. My stepdad uses the work nigger whenever he feels like it. To his credit, he doesn't ONLY use it for black people. "There are niggers in every race," is his credo. The word wasn't created for every race though. I still find it a very ugly word. He's a smart man, just prejudiced. My mom, while not as bad, is too. Watching the news is a great example of their closed mindedness. My cousin Shaun and I had to get out of the car when we were riding around Los Angeles because my late uncle and stepdad were going crazy with the racism. We are not our skin color. We are not our nationality. We need to remember that. PS: Watch Crash. It's really good. Current Mood:  disappointed | | Wednesday, April 12th, 2006 | | 12:39 pm |
Wow. This is an entry I made a while back. I think I was still dating *shudder* Jessica Perez at the time *again, shudder*. It's...really good. I mean, I just wrote it that night. I wasn't trying to write anything poetic or deep, I was just writing. And it turned out amazing.
Thanks to Noah for bringing it to my attention.
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Reflections you didn't expect 2/16/2005
12:34 am according to my computer's clock. Popped in a cd of music burned from a friends computer and one of the songs is a cover of Simple Kind of Man done by Shinedown. I think Zepplin did it originally, but I'm probably wrong. It got me thinking...
The man is singing about something his mother told him as a young boy that's stuck with him his whole life. I thought about it and I can't think of anything that my parents have told me that's like that. Never has anyone sat me down and told me how to treat a lady or told me to believe in myself. I've never been privy to some great yet simple truth of living. Everything I know now (for the most part) I've learned on my own. That's not to say my parents and family haven't taught me anything. Quite the contrary, they've taught me lots. Just not on purpose. I've learned what not to do through their actions. The funny thing is that most of what I've learned in life I've learned from friends like my own personal Gurus, Noah and Becca. Throughout my life, people have told me I'm going to do something grand. I'm going to do something so wonderful. Why is it that all I want to do is pack a backpack, sling it over my shoulder, and walk away from everything? The open road calls me and I cannot answer. I've had this incredible urge to simply leave this place of pain and uncertainty. I've never been a religious man, but I've wanted to believe. I've never worshiped at church, yet I want to have faith. Maybe I'm not strong enough. Maybe I've gone too far away from the light to ever go back. Maybe I don't care.
Imagine it though. Leaving a home that was never yours, moving in a direction at random, heading somewhere you've never seen, unknowing as to if you'll ever reach it. You could die in the next hour...or two...or day....or week. You don't mind, though. Just to be able to feel the wind of another place fill your lungs. To smell the breath of a world you never knew existed. Would that be what heaven's like? Not knowing what's going to happen from one moment to the next, but you don't mind. You've got $17 dollars in your pocket, a half tank of gas, an empty belly and a smile on your face because the world is open to you now. Your own fears and insecurities can't stop you, you've left them back there, far back, back where you came so long ago that you don't remember it's name, it's simply called "Back There." And you don't mind. You meet people who flash in and out of your life like lampposts on a dark highway, but you'll remember each one for the rest of your days. The places you go are home for only as long as you're there. You may meet a woman. Her hair will be red as sunrise, or yellow as lemons, or black as a raven. She'll look at you and you'll know, you'll just KNOW, and your path continues. Maybe you'll get to there, maybe you'll see the Atlantic. Maybe it'll be as incredible as you dreamed it would. Maybe you'll stop before you reach it and for the first time ever you'll be in a place that feels like home. You'll see the sun rise out of the sea in your kitchen window, and watch it set in your backyard.
But maybe you won't. And you won't mind. You won't mind a bit, because it's thirty four more miles to the next city. Thirty four miles to another world. Thirty four damn miles 'till you fill up your gas tank and move on.
And you won't mind. You'll smile and sing badly to the music on the radio, and you won't mind at all.
Current Mood: Amazed | | Thursday, December 29th, 2005 | | 1:17 am |
10 layers 10 LAYERS OF ME? LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE Name: Scott Dawson Birth date: September 20, 1981 Birth place: Torrance, CA Current Location: Spanaway, WA (SUCKS!!) Eye Color: Changes from green to blue to yellow Hair Color: blonde Righty or Lefty: Righty Zodiac Sign: virgo, but on the cusp of libra LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE Your heritage: Irish, Scottish, Dutch, German...Basic Euromutt Wut Shoes Did You Wear Today: Black boots Your weakness: women and fudge Your fears: Death, I suppose. Needles. Your perfect pizza: An orgasm-inducing cheese pizza. Goal you'd like to achieve: Find myself, get back into school, figure out what the hell I want LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW: Your most overused phrase: Indeed Your thoughts first waking up: Gahrgblat Your best physical feature: prob'ly eyes Your bedtime: between 2am and 5am Your most missed memory: 2003 LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK: Pepsi or Coke: Coke McDonald's or Burger King: McDonald's Single or group dates: never done a group date Adidas or Nike: neither. LUGZ NIGGA!! Lipton Tea or Nestea: Uh...coke? Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla Cappuccino or coffee: Hate coffee. I have milkshakes at starbucks LAYER FIVE: DO YOU? Smoke: occasionally Cuss: fuck no, motherfucker. oh wait... Single: Indeed not Take a shower: Are you serious? Have a crush(es): on my girl Think you've been in love: yep Like(d) high school: Indeed. mainly seinior year. Want to get married: Probably not Believe in yourself: Nope Get motion sicknes: only in the hoopdee van Think you're a health freak: yes, that's why i've had mcdonalds for the past week. Get along with your parents: 50-50 Like thunderstorms: Yup LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH Drank alcohol: yesh Gone on a date: yep! saw narnia! Gone to the mall: yep Been on stage: nope Eaten Sushi: yuck Been dumped: No, thankfully Gone skating: Nopers Gone skinny dippin: Never been Dyed your hair: Nope LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER Played a game that required removal of clothing: Indeed Gotten beaten up: Nope Changed who you were to fit in: NEVER LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLDER Age you hope to be married: Never Numbers of Children: Probably never Describe your dream wedding: Never again How do you want to die: Cool. In a seriously cool way. some way where people who see it go "Wow. That was fuckin' cool." LAYER NINE: IN A GAL/GUY Best eye color?: Green or blue Best hair color?: Red or black Short or long hair: as long as it looks good, don't care Height: same as above, doesn't matter Best first date location: uhhhhhhh *shrug* Articles of clothing: Don't care as long as it looks good. LAYER TEN: IN THE NUMBERS Number of people i can trust: Bunches. Number of CD's I own: I dunno....60 or so? Number of piercings: none Number of tattoos: None...yet. Number of times been on T.V.: does closed-circuit TV in high school count? cuz LOTS Number of times my name has appeared in the Newspaper?: None, but that's cuz they never caught me. Number of scars on my body: lots. Number of things in my past that I regret: OMG let's just not go there Current Mood:  tired | | Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005 | | 12:02 am |
Been a while... SOOOO...here's the skinny. Unemployment has been garnishing my wages for a while because they felt that I hadn't been looking for a job when I was recieving benefits. Luckily, I appealed and won, so they won't be garnishing me anymore, but I won't be recieving the full amount they took from me. I still get roughly $500 back. I was hoping to be able to use that to get a headstart on moving out of the parents house, but sadly it's gonna take a bit longer. The comission I'll make during the holidays will help though. Let's see...Jess and I are good. Haven't seen her in a while, which sucks, but hopefully later this week. Generally, life continues pretty much the same as usual. My main goal right now is to move out, and it looks like it might actually happen. Probably not until next year, but sometime in January or February. Anywho, I'm tired, hungry, sexually frustrated, and missing lots of my friends. Blah. BTW...check out the entry on Friday, October 28th, 2005. Finally finished the song titles entry. Current Mood:  hornyCurrent Music: Helmut - See You Dead | | Saturday, November 19th, 2005 | | 10:58 pm |
| | Friday, October 28th, 2005 | | 2:05 am |
Alright, some I couldn't think of. Sue me. Life:: The trick is to keep breathing. - Garbage (OR!!) Nobody gets out alive. - Skindred "Nobody" Love:: THIS. IS. NOT. MY. IDEA. OF. A. GOOD. TIME. - Garbage "Not My Idea" Death:: Look out, motherfuckers, here I come. - Metallica "My World" Religion:: God don't let me lose my nerve. - Santana ft Everlast "Put Your Lights On" Politics:: Let's have a war, we need the space. - A Perfect Circle "Let's Have a War" Money:: Gimmie gimmie gimmie gimmie. - A Perfect Circle "Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie" Sex:: All day, I dream about sex! - Korn "A.D.I.D.A.S." Yesterday:: God I feel like Hell tonight. - Sheryl Crow "Strong Enough" Today:: Who needs sleep? Well, you're never gonna get it... - Barenaked Ladies "Who Needs Sleep?" Tomorrow:: Your best friend:: Pogo pogo pogo pogo pogo pogo pogo pogo! - System of a Down "Bounce" Your worst enemy:: Got some death to do. - Metallica "Sanitarium" Your dreams:: Give me one more medicated peaceful moment. - A Perfect Circle "Orestes" What makes you smile:: I stay at parties sometimes until four. It's hard to leave when you can't find the door. - Joe Walsh "Life's Been Good" your ex:: She's the only one who knows what it is to burn. - Finch "What it is to Burn" (OR) I grieve for you. - Peter Gabriel "I Grieve" your significant other:: Hey boy take a look at me. Let me dirty up your mind. - Garbage "Queer" where you live:: Is there anybody out there? - Pink Floyd "Is There Anybody Out There?" where you want to live:: Your family:: your job:: share some insight:: Learn to give up fear. – Five Pointe O "The Infinity" Current Mood:  bored | | Monday, October 17th, 2005 | | 11:44 pm |
YOINK! | My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul |
|---|
| ensabahnur goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as Tyler Durden. | | berlynn_wohl gives you 19 white spearmint-flavoured wafers. | | iamasinner2 tricks you! You get a broken balloon. | | jillypop tricks you! You get a scratched CD. | | party_girl81 gives you 13 teal mint-flavoured pieces of chewing gum. | | scottotto gives you 8 mauve cherry-flavoured pieces of taffy. | | tigerbaybee gives you 16 tan peach-flavoured gumdrops. | | wildestarduster tricks you! You lose 47 pieces of candy! | | ensabahnur ends up with 9 pieces of candy, a broken balloon, and a scratched CD. | | Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern. |
ALSO... Yoinked from jillypop: Scott needs help from Maryland Players Simon Willison: Why Scott needs Mozilla Scott NEEDS nude models (the capitol letters weren't my choice...HONEST!!) Scott needs to ask himself how he would have handled... (that's all it says) Whatever his issues, Scott needs to get over them. Scott needs no introduction. Okay, the rest is lame. OKAY. So HOLY FREAKING GOD I've been reconnecting with so many people from my past. The other day, my friend Traci came into work and I haven't seen her in like two or three years. I got her number and Kevin's, so happy times there. They really are some of my best freinds, and just some of the best people in the known universe. Emailed Darbie and still waiting for a reply, but not TOO worried about that. Haven't seen her in a while. She's still with her girlfriend, which I'm happy for, but it's still strange sometimes. *shrug* And OMG. My friend Nichole Brooks from high school who was like the best person EVER emailed me. She found me on Classmates, and I emailed her back. Can't wait to see her! She ended up marrying her boyfriend from high school, even though I knew it was a bad idea. Turns out she's divorced him, finished college, and is doing alright. That really makes me feel good to know that someone who's really a great person has had a good life. Now only if all the rest of the good people I've known can have that kind of success. Current Mood:  pleased | | Friday, October 14th, 2005 | | 2:54 am |
New Poem
Kinda stream of conciousness writing...or whatever the hell it's called. Was listening to Snake River Conspiracy's version of "Love Song." OMG yeah.
I come.
With thunder, I come.
Bleeding,
Broken,
Calling out your name,
I come.
Death by my side.
Tremor footsteps,
I come.
Hands like hammers,
Blood pumping,
No sound but a heartbeat,
I come.
Rage filling my eyes.
Fury pouring from me,
I come.
Rain forms steam,
My body boils.
Like a hurricane,
I come.
I come for you.
Current Mood: Violent
Current Music: Snake River Conspiracy - Love Song | | Wednesday, October 12th, 2005 | | 1:00 am |
Shoot me again, I ain't dead yet... Been a while. Sitting here, watching Full Metal Alchemist. Damn you, Noah, for getting me into anime. And here I was sitting on a nice fat hatred of all things anime. Crap. Well...should I recap? "Previously on Shaggy Scott..." Here's the quick and the dirty. Work, sex (not enough, as though there was such a thing), stress, work, stress at work, little bit more sex, work stress...you get the picture. Cool thing is that I might be making more money soon. So that's good. Been depressed off and on for almost a month. Not sure why. Irritating, really. Blah. Current Mood: blah | | Thursday, August 11th, 2005 | | 12:15 am |
OH MY GOD IT'S TAR!!!! Current Mood: ZANY!!!! | | Friday, July 15th, 2005 | | 12:15 am |
*GROWL* In a very grouchy mood all damn day. Not much fucking better right now. Fucking GAH. Current Mood:  angryCurrent Music: Unamed Feeling - Metallica |
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ensabahnur's journal
