enamoredrayne

God, I miss her.

I really don't think I'll find anyone to "take her place" so to speak. No one can fill those shoes. I mean, I have Kathy but she's more like a mother figure to me. Kathy is there for me in ways MY mother can't be in that, she's not as quick to judge and her judgements aren't as harsh.

A friend though. A friend like Lita was. I have no one to confide in like that.

I wonder if she misses me at all or if she's content with the new friendships that she has established. I 'unno.

At least she doesn't hate me.

I like how I think of her randomly and then come write about it in this stupid journal. Blah.

I'm pretty, intelligent, loving, responsible, and the best damn girlfriend a man could ask for, so why is it that I'm not girlfriend material?

I'm fed up. Three guys this week, THREE have wanted nothing but to fuck me. One has been trying for months and while he's charming, and damn near charmed my panties off, I don't want to. The other was someone I messed with about a year ago but like I told him then, sex isn't all I want. The last was some ugly drunkass that couldn't take a hint.

I'm sick of it.

I'm also sick of all my piece of shit friends. I have no one but eh, I asked for it right?

Hahahahaha. Fuck 'em all. I don't need shit. So eloquent, I know. I'm so damn lonely.

If there was a way i could reach inside of you and make the pain go away i would do it.

I do think this is one of the sweetest things any man has ever said to me because he said it at just the right moment, and in the most genuine way.

For once, everything seems to be falling into place. It's a good feeling.

Why didn't you make me beautiful?

I'm not thrilled at all about paying $345 to live in my room and use a bathroom. Fuck, I even use my own fridge and I never eat here so I don't even use the kitchen. The livingroom belongs to the ferrets and the cats, and Lita's clothes are everywhere so its pretty much her room. So not only does she get the big room (which should also affect rent), she gets the livingroom, too.


I'm totally getting jipped but what's new? This ain't gonna fly. I can't afford it.


Erin is letting me have her entertainment center and her desk when moves, I guess I'll put them both in my room. Set my computer up on the desk and bring my TV and DVD player up here. Maybe then I can feel at home in my own room.


I'm about to take charge of my life and do things the way I want them done. I'm sick of being held back because of other people's feelings. I'm sick of being taken advantage of by everyone.


+1 to the move to Somerset.

6/12/07


8:00 pm

Damn, I be living in some filth. My apologies to anyone that has to see it, hahahahaha.





Hahahahaha, oh shit. It's craziness.

People change and people grow apart. Friends come and go. This is a part of life I've been told.





So, what's next?

Wow. That was an interesting night to say the least. I'm going to end up dead one of these days.

It didn't feel quite like this the last time. The drive back home was an odd one.

12

This post is to promote 777's first performance. Woot! They're friends of mine, from teh Mojo. They're an 80s hair metal band and they rock.


Everyone who reads this should come out and enjoy drinks and good music. It's gonna be at the Grapevine in Tates Creek Centre at 9:30.


Support your local music!

What I wouldn't give to have some extra money right now.


So I've been having identity issues but eh what's new? And something just occured to me moments ago, something about a person I've always wanted to be but I've not for fear of what others would think of me. Obviously, not a good reason to not do something.


I'm not sure if it's a phase but I know I've had the want since I was 18, I just don't know where to begin and I don't have any money at the moment.


It all started with Lea Ann's pink wig (which me and Lita will return soon, promise!). I took some pictures with it on, and I love it. I have a strong desire to do the schoolgirl look, the boots, the striped thigh highs, ties, wigs, exaggerated makeup, crazy hair, etc. and I don't mean for dressing up sake, I mean for everyday dress sake, work not included of course. And all of this on top of beauty school, haha. I dunno, I think it might be a part of myself I've ignored for too long. I'm not going to be young forever so I should just stop giving a shit about what people think and do it.


So yeah, thanks pink wig!

I just starte today off by eating two sammichs, so not too bad on calories.


Yesterday I had, I think, a grand total of like 500 calories or something. I ate some fig newtons about 24 hrs ago and drank a slim fast thingy. Then I didn't eat again until Kathy gave me this low calorie, low fat chocolate stuff at like 8. And it had 100 calories in it. That was my food for the day.


The sammiches I just ate are making me kinda sick. I didn't really feel hungry is the thing. And I prolly won't eat until tomorrow around five or so. Woot.


And I've totally lost about five pounds. That rocks.


Lita isn't home. I assume she's with Kirt, or well, somewhere. Basically, I'm assuming she's alive. No one is responding to any of my texts tonight and I've sent one to three different people. I think they just suck. Totally not Sprint or anything *rolls eyes* I hate Sprint.


I was supposed to hang out with someone tonight but that didn't happened. I'm not shocked or suprised but I am a tad bit annoyed. So I'm go back to not talking to him first. I'm not letting my feelings get involved only to be a convenience to him...again. It seems he only talks to me when HE needs to talk.

I don't know.


And why in the hell am I even ranting in this thing? I hate this journal. Bleh. Damn yous!


I ready Jayme's blog last night. I think she called me a bitch.

And they're back. I've given up on trying to stop it. I don't see the point.



But I will still proceed with caution. Who knows? It might be genuine, although, I'm not holding my breath.

And since you turned the comment feature off...


so i'll bug her to keep the litter box clean and not leave half empty cans everywhere. as long as the common areas stay decent, i'll live.

That doesn't work as well as you think. I've asked, and its still a problem, one me and her are going to discuss.

my last point. she told me she needed a place to stay. if you think about it, you'll remember a time when someone else needed a place to stay and they were given one. yeah there was a time limit of a week, but i seem to recall that no rent would have been charged. free room and board. can't beat it.


I stayed for two, maybe three days. Would your parents like compensation? I'd be glad to provide it.

Goddammit, I cannot feel these things again! I feel it though, it's starting. Jesus Christ.