emilia48tc's Journal
[Most Recent Entries]
[Calendar View]
[Friends]
Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
emilia48tc's LiveJournal:
[ << Previous 20 ]
| Saturday, March 2nd, 2002 | | 9:03 am |
Okay, so I haven't updated in a while. Lots going on in my life. I met a new boy. I know, I know, how many times have you read that in these pages? But the weird thing is that I was totally cynical about him (and men in general) because of John the Jerk and didn't think I'd like him and thought he'd be a doofus, and he turned out to be fantabulous. Despite everything. Really really fantabulous. His name is Matt. He's 28 and he's really funny and sweet. Like, the other day, I had some friends over, and after charming everyone all evening, he got up while I was giving Megan M. a tarot reading and cleaned up and ran the dishwasher--and I didn't even realize he was doing it. Happy sigh. And he's a damn good kisser. (Even though he's a full foot taller than me).
Do you all remember my theory on men? There are two types--Mike types and David types, named after my two most extreme ex-boyfriends. David types are cold fish. They want to have a relationship where no one actually knows the two of you are together. No PDA, no reference to the relationship in public, no New Year's kiss. David types think they lose face by showing any sort of emotion whatsoever. Mike types are the opposite. They want the world to only exist when the two of you are together. They feel they lose face if they do not show the world that they have someone they care about deeply. So David types are distant and Mike types are clingy. I had always thought I would be stuch with David types for the rest of my life, because although I like an attentive guy, I much prefer distance to clinginess. I can't handle possessive men, and (I thought) Mike types would always be possessive, like Mike was.
But Matt! He is a Mike type without the possessiveness or clinginess. He truly wants me to be happy, and can deal with the fact that he's not my only friend. Happy happy sigh. I've found the perfect man. And he can make me laugh!
I'll stop gushing now. But I haven't been this happy in a long while. Yay for me. | | Sunday, February 10th, 2002 | | 1:55 pm |
I love having weekends off. I love sitting in my pjs all day on Sunday, too!
And, I love having money!
Being a grownup's not bad, except for the men. | | Saturday, February 2nd, 2002 | | 11:17 am |
According to Megan's what kind of sexual animal are you test, I am a playful kitten. I think I like that.
I'm now home, but hanging out at my mom's store.
perhaps I will get bagels from the bagel bin across the street. | | Thursday, January 31st, 2002 | | 12:19 pm |
the lost was found. After calling his parents on Tuesday evening (whose number he accidentally gave me once), the bastard left me a message on my voice mail yesterday. No explanation of where he had been. No apology for worrying me. He did tell me that he was freaked out that I was so concerned.
I hate how the world continually slaps me in the face for caring. Why do Americans strive to become as uncaring as possible? Why is that kind of detachment what we're supposed to live up to? And I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do.
So, aside from wishing the ground would swallow me up, I'm fine. I had no idea this boy could be so cruel, and then be even crueler by making me feel stupid for caring. While I probably should not have called his parents, I did have the number from him (although he has probably forgotten he gave it to me), and truly, I was out of my mind with worry. I'm also convinced that I would still not know if he was okay if I had not done it.
I hate everything right now.
The funny thing is that even the bastard Scott thinks that this boy is no good.
I'm going home this weekend, where I'm going to try not to remember how stupid I am. | | Sunday, January 27th, 2002 | | 7:23 pm |
John stood me up yesterday, and I still have had no word of explanation from him. He is not at home. He has not called me.
I think he might be married or something. There's still the remote possiblity that something is wrong--an accident, a death in the family--but I seriously doubt it. I just don't understand. It's unaccountable. He told me always that he liked me. He was the one who always suggested we make plans--never me. It was almost always him who called me. I don't understand. I'm okay, I just am sad for myself. I don't really care about him. I care about the fact that I'm afraid I'll never trust anyone again. I hate the fact that I can't trust my own judgement anymore. (Yes, I know I was wondering about him earlier on, but still, I trusted implicitly that he was a good guy). I don't think I'm going to date for a while.
I also think I need to get myself tested.
The worst was that my week before that had been pretty shitty, too. Work is stressful.
I am a fabulous, fun, witty and intelligent woman. There are a lot of shithead men out there. I don't understand why. But at least I know it doesn't have anything to do with me. I am a fabulous, fun, witty and intelligetn woman. | | Saturday, January 19th, 2002 | | 4:42 pm |
Job is going well, although yesterday sucked a lot stress wise. (Everything they hand to me to do is always a priority, and yesterday, I got about 7 different priority things at once.)
John is going well, although I'm still not completely convinced he doesn't have a wife or girlfriend somewhere. Okay, I know I'm just being paranoid. But when I mentioned coming down to his apartment, instead of him always having to drive up to mine, he acted kind of weird. But we watched American Beauty together on Thursday, and he was really really sweet all night. I gave myself a three week deadline about seeing his apartment before I asked him what the hell? (But, when I called him yesterday about my bad day, he was awfully nice about it.) I think the truth of the matter is that he's just being cautious in terms of his heart. Which I ought to be, but is difficult when I really like someone.
argh.
going to meet Erika S. for a bagel and then off to see standup comedy. | | Sunday, January 13th, 2002 | | 3:57 pm |
John-boy
Okay, so John came over yesterday. I must say, the physical side of the relationship is progressing fantastically. (With the exception of a couple of sex-related injuries which sting today [I scraped my toe against something--it's not what you're thinking at all], it was fantabulous). So after a while, we went out to dinner, and I assumed he'd want to spend the night. Well, I wanted him to spend the night, anyway. Well, we got back from dinner and he told me that he was completely beat, and would I be mad if he took a rain check on the movie we were planning on watching at my apartment. Now, he did have an excuse for being tired (other than the one to which I contributed). He'd had a good friend who he hadn't seen in years come visit him the night before, and they had gotten rather more drunk than they should have, and so he was still feeling the effects of it. But on the other hand, he went home at 8:30 on a Saturday night.
(But, he did tell me unprompted that he really liked me and he was the one who asked when he could see me again.)
Argh! If he just weren't so damn formal. I feel like I still haven't gotten to meet the real person yet.
Any thoughts? | | 3:27 pm |
A terrible rip off of Megan's livejournal
You
What does your name mean?: Industrious one
How old are you mentally (as in are you mature?): I think I act pretty mature (at least 28-ish), but my interior dialogue and emotions are pretty young.
Describe yourself in 5 words: independent, honorable, silly, ridiculous, creative
What are your worst qualities: I second guess everything. (What do you mean by this question?)
How long does it take you get get ready in the morning: About 25 minutes total, from getting out of bed to leaving.
Do you dream at night?: Oh, baby, do I.
Do you remember your dreams?: sometimes
Describe one: I had a dream recently that graduation still hadn't happened yet, and I was nervous.
What time do you wake on weekends?: This is my first weekend since I've been an employed member of society (because I worked weekends before the job I have now), so I just don't know.
Do you sleep with one pillow or two?: Three.
School
Do you like school?: I can't remember.
Why/why not?: Because the real world is so very different, and I can only remember the stressful part of school and the social part of school, so it's hard to judge.
What's your fave subject?: English/French
Most hated subject?: I'm not sure. Probably computers.
Do you have a fave teacher?: Yup.
Ever had a crush on a teacher?: Of course!
Friends
Do you have heaps of friends?: I have some.
Do you have a best friend?: Yes
Do you have more guy friends or more girl friends?: I feel like I have more girl friends but I was thinking about all my friends recently and realized there were quite a few guys in there.
Do you ever get annoyed at any friend?: ?
Have you ever lied to a friend?: Sometimes I lie just to make a story better because I'm like that, so yes.
Have you ever stolen a friends boyfriend/girlfriend?: Not that I can remember. It doesn't sound like something I'd do.
Family
Do you like your parents?: Yes.
Ever run away from home?: I once ran away to Manny Chico's house because his mom had better snacks.
Ever thought about it?: Of course
Do you have any siblings?: Yes
Do you feel your parents spoil you?: When they give me presents, I feel very spoiled.
Do you not get along with any of your family?: I got a couple of doozies for step parents.
Do you have big family get togethers ever?: Not really, seeing as it's a small family.
Relationships
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Umm, er, I don't know.
If so, are you in love with them?: ditto...
Do they love you?: ? once again...
How long have you been together?: The answer to that question makes me sound like a ho.
Ever done something stupid to impress them?: Well, my mouth has unhinged from my brain a couple of times while I was talking to him, but other than the stupid ramblings coming out of my mouth at that time, I don't think so.
Have you ever experienced unrequited love?: Fuck yeah
Do you find it romantic or hurtful?: What a stupid question. What's romantic about being in pain?
Sex
Ever had sex?: ahem--see the ho answer above.
Do you believe that a person shouldnt have sex before marriage?: Again, ho-dom.
Believe in casual sex?: It depends. If everyone involved is okay with it, then it's fine. If not, then it's not. For me, it's not really my style.
When do you plan to/when did you lose your virginity?: 19
Did you regret it?: The circumstances surrounding the particular incident, yes--the person and the fact of it, no.
Religion
Do you have a religion?: Um, yeah.
Do you practice it i.e go to church?: That would be synagogue, and not often.
Do you believe in God?: Yes
Do you believe in Jesus?: Well, there's a slight problem with that question...
Do you believe in Satan?: No. Humans always feel they have to personify difficult to understand concepts, and I think that's what Satan is.
Do you believe in Heaven?: Not really
Do you believe in Hell?: No
Morals
Have you ever been drunk?: What's the time frame you're asking? In the last week, no. Ever, who hasnt?
Taken drugs?: Nope. (Not that I wouldn't like to. It's just never been offered at a time when I felt comfortable with it).
Stolen?: No--I'm very honest.
Shoplifted?: Again.
Tried to commit suicide?: Sort of. I was a melodramatic lass in high school. (Yes, I know I still am).
Lied to a boyfriend or girlfriend?: Yes.
Gotten into a fight?: you mean with fists and stuff? no.
Are you more innocent or guilty?: Of what?
Have you ever had to look after someone who was a drug addict?: No
Are you racist?: Well, I think everyone has prejudices that they must acknowledge in themselves. I don't think of myself as a racist, but in a racist world, as a white girl, I know I have knowingly or unknowingly taken part in racist attitudes, policies, and stuff. So, no, I'm not, at least I try not to be.
Are you discriminatory to anyone?: bad drivers.
Do you have an open or closed mind to other peoples beliefs and feelings?: What do you think?
Music
Whats your fave style of music?: dunno.
Do you play an instrument?: I used to play French Horn.
Do you sing?: Only in my car with no one around.
Whats your fave band?: right now, classic David Bowie is my favorite.
Why?: where can you go wrong with great music and androgynous sex appeal?
Have you met them before?: I wish
Name 3 cds that you've bought in the last year: O Brother Where Art Thou soundtrack, TeTe L'air de Rien, I can't think of anything else.
Why did you buy them?: cause they're good.
Are You...
Are you funny or serious?: Depends on the moment.
Creative or not?: I like to think of myself as creative.
Logical thinker or lateral thinker?: lateral
Are you outgoing or shy?: both. ever an enigma.
Are you lazy or active?: I tend to laziness, unfortunately.
Have you ever been hyperactive?: just bring on the caffeine, baby.
Are you a naturally hyperactive person?: ish.
Looks
Are you happy with the way you look?: Generally.
What would you change?: Tits and ass.
Do you wear makeup regularly?: almost never.
Do you have a large wardrobe?: it doesn't feel that large. I always wear my faves anyway.
Embarassing moments
Your all time most embarassing moment?: I ran into a girl I went to high school with at the supermarket with her dad. She was one of the pack of popular girls who I couldn't tell apart, but she was always pretty nice to me. She said, "Hey Emily," and I responded "Hey there, Sarah." I shook my head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to call you Sarah, Lisa." Her father looks at me and says "It's Yvonne." How do you forget a name like Yvonne? To this day, if someone greets me in public--even if I've known them for my entire life, I just respond with "Hey there," and leave out their name.
Ever snorted a drink out your nose?: Ouch.
Ever giggled like an idiot?: What do you think I do on Saturday nights?
Ever embarassed yourself and pretended nothing happened?: All the time. (I usually tell everyone that they didn't see that.)
Ever tripped in front of someone you liked?: Not that I can recall.
Ever said something really stupid?: Hoo, boy...
Ever snorted while laughing?: Better than snorting while crying, I must say.
Ever fallen off a bed?: Perhaps.
Ever sleepwalked?: no
Ever sleeptalked? I'm actually relatively chatty in my sleep.
Thoughts
Ever had funny thoughts and laughed and no one understood you?: all the time. | | Saturday, January 12th, 2002 | | 10:49 am |
John and I are going out again tonight. I don't know why, but I'm nervous as a cat. I know he really likes me. I think I've gotten to the paranoid stage of a budding relationship. You know, the moment when you know you'd be really really upset if he's not who you think he is, so you prepare yourself for his asshole-dom, even though he's given you no indication whatsoever that he's anything other than a really great guy who's funny and fun to talk to and who has certain talents you don't discuss in polite company, and seems to think you're the bees knees. So that's where I am right now. Tell me to chill out.
(It's just that it's been so long since I've been in a real [I hate to say the word, but it's the one I'm thinking] love [gulp] relationship. James does not count. After the first month or so, (and even then, to some extent) he always found ways to make me feel bad about his problems. I think I could really [I just can't say the L-word] "care about" this guy, which I haven't done since David, and that would be about 6 years ago now. So I'm rather nervous. For all my talk, I haven't been in a real relationship since then.)
So, please, just tell me to relax and enjoy myself.
Erika P. is in town, and hopefully, she will get to meet him this weekend. I think things will be great if I can get the Erika stamp of approval. (Not that I need that, but I don't know if you've noticed that my judgement when it comes to guys is not the best in the world. It's good to know that my friends don't think I'm on crack again.)
Sigh. We'll see. I really am having a wonderful time. It's just so hard to step into the unknown sometimes. I think dating jerks can be more comfortable in some ways, because you protect yourself from the beginning. I haven't dated someone unguardedly since David. Boy, that's sad.
Okay, I'll chill out, and I'll have another wonderful time with John. (And maybe this time I'll get up the nerve to hold his hand in public. So nervous... That, and there's something kind of formal about his manner. Although, last time I saw him, he took my hand just because. I am so incredibly smitten. He's really wonderfully sweet.)
(So, there's no reason for me to suspect he has a wife and three kids in Tuscaloosa or New Orleans or anything, right? I'd be so upset). | | Sunday, January 6th, 2002 | | 2:53 pm |
tee hee
Okay, so second date last night, which ended up with the gentleman staying over. I love being a grownup.
And he's a sweet guy. Name of John. And very funny.
Tee hee.
Tee hee.
I love boys. | | Monday, December 10th, 2001 | | 10:16 am |
don't kill me, those of you who read this.
So this weekend, Scott K. was in Columbus with his band from New York. He wanted to see me. He REALLY wanted to see me. He called me about 5 times on Saturday to try to work out my coming to see his band play in downtown Columbus. So I went. (Don't kill me!) I actually had a lot of fun. His band mates were really nice, if a little vulgar, and Scott was confusingly happy to see me. He kept doing stuff like telling me I smelled nice and sitting rather closer to me than necessary. Then, when I left, he gave me a hug and kissed me on the cheek. What the hell is going on? Here are my thoughts, and you can contradict me if you think I'm wrong. Though I'm certain I'm probably the best thing to ever happen to him in bed (I'm joking), I can't imagine anyone would go to this much trouble just for sex. Perhaps I'm wrong. He also was talking about coming to Columbus to see me when he's home (in Indianapolis) for Christmas. On the other hand, I can't imagine he really would want to date me (or whatever) after all this time. All I know is that he was well nigh desperate to see me, and was incredibly disappointed when he thought he couldn't. I refuse to get sucked back in, but I'm afraid I'm going to get sucked back in. I don't even understand what it is I like about him...Maybe it's the wanting what you can't have.
Any ideas, folks?
Only one good thing came out of knowing Scott the first time--I got over David in a big damn hurry. | | Thursday, December 6th, 2001 | | 12:16 pm |
Woo hoo!
I got the Graeter's job! They're going to be paying me real money! I start on January 7!
woo hoo!
I can pay off my student loans! | | Monday, November 26th, 2001 | | 11:54 am |
I just got a call this morning from Graeters, which is looking for an office assistant. I really liked the guy I spoke to--he had a fabulous sense of humor. I have an interview at 3 this afternoon, and I'm a nervous wreck. I don't even have to wear my interview suit. I have no idea what to wear. When they tell you an office is casual, it just makes everything so much more difficult. I also have to prepare my apartment for my new cat, Bonanza, who I'm going to pick up this afternoon. Argh! Also, Barnes and Noble has me for the next 5 weeks. Will Graeters be okay with that? They sounded like they were absolutely looking for the right candidate, and so they might wait for me.
Argh! I'm nervous!
My Thanksgiving was fabulous, by the way. I really had a good time at home, with my snis, and we all went to see Harry Potter on Thursday night. It was fabulous. | | Wednesday, November 21st, 2001 | | 12:13 pm |
Okay, so I'm sitting in the library listening to this awful man yell at and smack his daughter who can't be older than 3 or so. I wish I could say or do something, but it's not any of my business. Why isn't it any of my business? Shouldn't it be? Shouldn't people feel comfortable stepping in for someone who is helpless?
That ruined my mood, which was warm and fuzzy until now because of a wonderful movie I saw last night. (A French movie called Amelie. Go see it if you can. It was one of the best movies I've seen in a couple of years. I promise you will love it).
Also, I'm thinking things with the new boy are kaput. Haven't heard from him since we went out this weekend, and somehow, I don't expect to. I'm not too disappointed. I got my fun out of him. We never had anything much to talk about in common anyway. (I really would love a relationship based solely on sex at some point, however. Or a relationship which involved more nooky than I've been getting in any case. Not that I'm bitter.)
The little girl's stopped crying. She's just sitting while her father does some research. She's really remarkably well behaved. I hope her mother is nice.
My friend Stacia at work had a doctor's appointment the other day. She had ovarian cancer a few years ago and it seems to have come back. She opted for laser treatment rather than a hysterectomy (and who can blame her) but I think she's scared. I hate not feeling like I can say anything that will make it better. I still don't know her all that particularly well, but she is a friend. She was saying she wanted to throw a uterus party for herself. Maybe she could serve the bananas and chocolate concotion Erika S. and I ate in Prague. (That's a story, if you've never heard it).
I'm going home at 6:30 tomorrow morning. I'm so excited. | | Monday, November 19th, 2001 | | 5:07 pm |
David Lynn came into Barnes and Noble today. It was so good to see him. I got a chance to sit and talk for about 15 minutes. It really made my day. | | Sunday, November 18th, 2001 | | 10:03 am |
My dad's in town for the weekend, and he brought the witch with him. (Well, they're attached at the hip for some reason). Today, they're going to take me shopping for a dining room table. Good, right? Well, yes, I highly appreciate it, but they probably are not going to understand that I don't want just anything with several legs and four chairs. I'd like to find a table that I like. We'll see how it goes. I do appreciate the thought, though.
Scott came over on Saturday night. While the smit is fading somewhat, the sex is still lots o' fun. (All I'll say is rug burns on my back. You fill in the rest). I'm thinking that playing the field won't be a bad idea. And he's still awfully cute, and I'd love to smoke up with him, but his brain has definitely been addled by 10 years of pot. There's just not that much there anymore. (Well, every once in a while, he'll impress me with something extraordinarily intelligent. I think the really smart stuff is still there. It's the day to day common sense that's been affected.) Am I a horrible bitch? I just like hanging out with this boy and sleeping with him. Oh, well.
I had a bad day at work yesterday. The store manager flipped out at me and Stacia, mainly just because she hates Stacia. Then there was a problem with the safe--someone miscounted sometime during the day, and there was $20 floating around somewhere. It might have been my mistake, but I don't think it was. There are 7 people with access to the money I'm responsible for, and it could have been any one of them. When I mentioned that the mistake might have happened when Danni (the store manager) came upstairs to get $100 in ones for downstairs, she said to me and Stacia, "No, I count right." (That is a direct quote). I wanted to respond that she certainly didn't speak correctly, but I held my tongue. Firstly--nobody is perfect. Secondly--I have caught and fixed her mistakes in the past. Thirdly--everyone should have to decency to admit that they might have made a mistake. I did when the problem was first found, even though I'm relatively positive that I did everything right myself. Usually, when I make a mistake, I'm the first person to find it. Perhaps yesterday was different, but I'm about as positive as I can be that it was not my mistake. Argh. I think Stacia and I are going to have dinner on Monday night to bitch about the store together. She's a lot of fun. | | Wednesday, November 14th, 2001 | | 5:53 pm |
I think I'm going to adopt a cat! I just went to meet a coworker of mine's cat, which she really likes but she can't really take care of anymore. the kitty is awfully loving and friendly (read: needy), but she's a beautiful kitty, and I really want a cat. Right now, the cat's name is Precious, but that will definitely change. I was thinking Bonanza Jellybean, but I think her name might just be Bonanza. she didn't look like a jellybean.
also, I had a talk with my manager today. there's no way she can get me a raise. but, she's going to have me go through all the training modules for managers, so if a management position opens up in another store in the area, I will be a much more attractive candidate to them. I thought this was much much more than fair to me, and I'm actually a little worried politically-wise about all my friends at work who have been there much longer than I have. However, I have to worry about me, and not anyone else. also, I think I might put my student loans on forebearance so I don't have to have that worry about money also. we'll see what they can do for me.
I was supposed to hang out with scott tonight, but I forgot that I have this stupid holiday meeting for b&n tonight that I can't miss. Oh, well. Maybe I'll see him tomorrow. | | 5:53 pm |
I think I'm going to adopt a cat! I just went to meet a coworker of mine's cat, which she really likes but she can't really take care of anymore. the kitty is awfully loving and friendly (read: needy), but she's a beautiful kitty, and I really want a cat. Right now, the cat's name is Precious, but that will definitely change. I was thinking Bonanza Jellybean, but I think her name might just be Bonanza. she didn't look like a jellybean.
also, I had a talk with my manager today. there's no way she can get me a raise. but, she's going to have me go through all the training modules for managers, so if a management position opens up in another store in the area, I will be a much more attractive candidate to them. I thought this was much much more than fair to me, and I'm actually a little worried politically-wise about all my friends at work who have been there much longer than I have. However, I have to worry about me, and not anyone else. also, I think I might put my student loans on forebearance so I don't have to have that worry about money also. we'll see what they can do for me.
I was supposed to hang out with scott tonight, but I forgot that I have this stupid holiday meeting for b&n tonight that I can't miss. Oh, well. Maybe I'll see him tomorrow. | | 5:53 pm |
I think I'm going to adopt a cat! I just went to meet a coworker of mine's cat, which she really likes but she can't really take care of anymore. the kitty is awfully loving and friendly (read: needy), but she's a beautiful kitty, and I really want a cat. Right now, the cat's name is Precious, but that will definitely change. I was thinking Bonanza Jellybean, but I think her name might just be Bonanza. she didn't look like a jellybean.
also, I had a talk with my manager today. there's no way she can get me a raise. but, she's going to have me go through all the training modules for managers, so if a management position opens up in another store in the area, I will be a much more attractive candidate to them. I thought this was much much more than fair to me, and I'm actually a little worried politically-wise about all my friends at work who have been there much longer than I have. However, I have to worry about me, and not anyone else. also, I think I might put my student loans on forebearance so I don't have to have that worry about money also. we'll see what they can do for me.
I was supposed to hang out with scott tonight, but I forgot that I have this stupid holiday meeting for b&n tonight that I can't miss. Oh, well. Maybe I'll see him tomorrow. | | Tuesday, November 13th, 2001 | | 11:27 am |
Barnes and Noble will not give me a raise. The DM wouldn't approve it. This is ridiculous. And the most ridiculous part is that there's absolutely nothing I can do but shut up, and take it. Quitting won't get the message across to the people who need to get the message that B&N pays dogshit. But they are desperate to keep me. The Managers in general sicced my favorite manager on me to convince me to stay. He basically told me that I should hang around for a management position because I'm a prime candidate, and the money is good, yada yada. He's absolutely right, but I'm not really sure I want a management position with B&N. I'll take it if I can get it, but it's not exactly what I saw myself doing with my degree.
Oh, my. I hate money so very much. |
[ << Previous 20 ]
|
|
|
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
emilia48tc's journal