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LiveJournal for lo. View: User Info. View: Friends. View: Calendar. View: Memories. You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.

Thursday, July 29th, 2004

Subject: mormonees and mericats Time: 3:17 pm.

now that i am (for the most part) sans internet, i have replaced tiny mix tapes with pitchfork as my main source of news. i have buried myself in both fiction and non, choosing, on rare occasions, to turn to the day-old copies of usa today that my brother leaves strewn about the apartment. its surreal. i went to iowa city and met the best and wrote something new. im tired from moving to and fro and a bit discouraged, as theres no end in sight for this nomadic period. this weekend i move from downtown omaha to the fringes of the westside; no parking fees or rent and a bed were the deciding factors. i have to be out by the 22nd and in the air en route to chicago no later than the 28th. i went swimming at the fremont lakes earlier this week and got sick after convincing my party to swim out into the area that was cordoned off - i think thats where the tiredness stems from. im going back tomorrow to retest the waters. a job starts tomorrow also. two hours worth of training and a full week next week. the estranged lover comes to the midwest next friday and im looking forward to having a partner for a few days; he can regale me with tales of red rock formations and sunshine-split canyons. its been a good summer. my apologies to my avid readers and fans for the dull nature of this entry; i just felt the need to reach out and screech to my political homies.

Comments: thanks for sharing.

Subject: whoops Time: 1:57 pm.

so i moved to omaha. my bad. i am heading across the border to my homeland (ia) in approximately 30 minutes to go to the casino(s). this isn't for pleasure, or even mere curiosity. im getting a job - pardon me, i'm kickstarting my career. las vegas was on my list of cities, but dammit, council bluffs is a close second. since ive arrived ive had a variety of native foods: ice cream, chocolate chip cookies, pizza, steak. give me a month and i wont even be recognizable. i figure, when in the fatty midwest, eat a lot of fat. besides, im trying to make new friends at every corner, and that monster at the trucker mart wasnt too pleased when i passed up the 1/2 pound chocolate brownie she offered when i bought gas my first morning back. im finding lots of time for reading now that i have no income to go out and no employment to fill my days. i tried out the omaha pub lib but they close really early and wont let an out-of-stater take home a book. and all their magazines are from 1999! so im reading whatever i can get my hands on. one of my last purchases before the big sleep was steve martins novella, shopgirl. he writes just like he talks and the story was very elegant. hes already filmed a version to be released at the end of the year. i am still reading the fountainhead and it just gets worse and worse. i found my friend arls draft of his novel, "william and the inconsequential mishaps of the universal cataract" (or something close to that) in my car. its about a creature called the volgblat, a great mess of a beast who "farts heartily" and eats lazy americans hanging out around taco bells and jack-in-the-boxes. of course the volgblat grows and starts to terrorize the planet with its staggering flatulence and william, our hero, must guide the perma-stoned alien peace-making race (whom he has shacked up and is orbiting the earth with) in its quest to rid mankind of the menace. so its time to go back to work. basically ill start and stop - the writing workshops start in a couple of weeks - and then work through august and quit. europes been bumped to september. i need a passport and something to carry my stuff in and im ready. isnt it grand? i wont have to spend another sept. 11 in america. and ive started my first new story in weeks. im genuinely excited about it. so maybe the middle west does have some hidden agenda for me (although i still do not care for emo). wow! an owl just flew into my sisters screen door. im just saying, this place doesnt quit.

Comments: 4 hits - thanks for sharing.

Subject: ponies Time: 10:50 am.

i'm trying to come up with new stories for my summer application and they're all pretty lousy. when i think about fiction, or the obscure meaning i've associated with fiction, i get a little stupid. too dramatic, too romantic, too far away from my own experiences to seem real. and i lose interest if it's too out there - how to describe and steer clear of "out there" isn't something i'm able to do today. i've been thinking that i don't know nearly enough to do much more than i am at 24. i want to go to school; i'm almost two years out and i'm around 90% sure of this idea. i wish that i'd gotten my undergraduate in english lit, but alas - i'm glad for the understanding i've gained of journalism, but most of the time, i'd rather focus my time and energy away from reality. the world's events are so invasive that awareness will creep in eventually (i just spelled creep with a "k"). i'm thinking about focusing on publishing; getting into that field could be my new thing. i'd be a great editor (see aforementioned parathesis) and i'd get to read all the time. and live in a city again. i can't wait to get off work. it's snowing and i'm heading for barnes & noble's north corner with the new adbusters and vogue.

Comments: 3 hits - thanks for sharing.

Subject: i dunno where the coffee-drinking sad kids are Time: 11:36 am.

i couldn't sleep very well last night; actually, i was aware of my isomnia only because i can always sleep, no matter the time or circumstance. and soundly, too. this has not been the case for two nights. i could attribute it to my new roommate, who's ideas of bedtime and get-up are hours after and before mine and who's own unsettled mind is translating into long, rambling speeches on the day's lunch or 2 a.m. spelling bees. but i can't blame just him, as my mind seems ready to flick on once the lights are off and the radio's too loud and the heat too high. i won't attribute it to my growing sickness, although i find it may be inevitable if this keeps up. i have been creeping out all those around me with tale of the hauntings of apt. 15 for a few weeks now, but it's getting difficult to the draw my mind's line between a good story and reality. i understand my imagination's ability to create fullblown hallucinations out of my own shadow or a late-night garbage truck, but things are seeming to intensify in my little room. a month ago it was knocking on my radiator, my front door and the north wall, all at once and together, louder until i willed it away. two weeks later it's pacing at 5:30 a.m. outside my door. last night a girl's voice started whispering in my ear, muttering until she worked herself up into screams. even just after it happened i wondered if it really happened. but i was wide awake after, frozen on my back. i think this is some new shit, because it didn't feel like this before - not like a woman and not like she's all riled up. i don't even want to go home. i will be ready to move out soon. but until then i think i'm going to start hanging out religiously at the hong kong cafe. if i'm eating, it's just pesto bros. for me now - unless i want some sushi or an omelette or some chilequiles. or french fries, which means i'm back to the hong kong. maybe i'm going mad from all the starch i've been eating; it's all i can seem to afford outside of the sushi, omelettes and chilequiles.

Comments: 7 hits - thanks for sharing.

Subject: do you know - Time: 8:35 am.

that it's a one day? that 90% of the brain's growth occurs from zero to five years old? what it feels like to read someone else's journal? that the harry potter film series is behind schedule? that a roundtrip ticket to heathrow from phoenix with a four-month layover is just under $600? that usually things in Iowa are very friendly? that to get from staten island to manhatten takes a ferry, a bus transfer and a subway token? what happened to howard dean? how frustrating it feels to finally be ready to leave the west coast and realize that the show of the year will happen without you? that you might just not ever do anything, go anywhere or say anything? what it takes to win a grammy?

Comments: 1 hit - thanks for sharing.

Time: 6:04 pm.

so there was this one time when i fell in love with a boy and when i heard some kinds of records i thought about this quite a bit and when i went to the post office there was my new new yorker with a great article about webstalking and i wondered hmm have i ever done that and i jumped up and down when i got flowers but they were from my mama and i was so touched i called and said thanks even though it hadn't switched to night minutes later at the bar i thought about san francisco and when the strokes called out to the crowd i forgot and then i was back at my desk and i turned on the radio and it was time for the morning show

Comments: 2 hits - thanks for sharing.

Time: 12:49 pm.

when i met a close friend's soon-to-be (now-is) step mother, she read my chart for me. this was after telling me all about magi astrology, her training and experience with it and her own beliefs. she's a former ballerina from utah. she told me that i would have a relatively easy life - nothing too dramatic happening, like a fatal illness or a sudden loss of life. none of that. but she said what i do need to be careful of is my compassion. apparently my soul - or whatever it may be - is open enough that i can take in not just my own perceptions, but those of the people around me. this isn't limited to my mother's, or my best friend's or my co-workers - we're talking people at the stoplight next to me, the grocery clerk, a bum asking for a smoke. ok, i say, but that doesn't seem so bad. she warned me to never take any sudden changes in my attitude too seriously, as the influences are probably not mine. i felt pretty great when i got up today - got up around 7:15, was absolutely ready and clean by 7:50 and had coffee in hand by 7:54. last night was the last blume and ridiculous after-party that just dripped with debauchery. fun, says the dull spot in my head. but the guest of honor got sick and people got crazy and markers and bedrooms and wierdness just crept in. he doesn't remember anything past the beginning of the party and woke up bewildered on my floor around 11 a.m. i got the phone call and he's upset, really upset. i think that he thinks i took advantage of him. once i shake off his wierd vibe, i hope this to be one of the funnier points of the day.

Comments: thanks for sharing.

Subject: i haven't slept a wink Time: 9:55 am.

i was going to write a vicious hate-my-job post, but that's no good for anybody. i thought about focusing on how hard it's been to pick myself up outta the post holiday/birthday haze and then realized it hasn't. perhaps i could drone on about how sad i'm going to be without a warm boy in my bed each morning, but i'm thinking the weather will turn soon. maybe this town's too small and the people too few, but i'll be out in a short while. how does one save $3000 in two months?

Comments: 4 hits - thanks for sharing.

Subject: almost there Time: 9:31 am.

back at it again. christmas was good, uncharacteristically fight-free and downright downhome. it was good to be back in iowa, even if the intensity of returning led to my eventual decline my first night back. that and taking advantage of the homey inn's "famous champagne on tap." everyone was in a fantastic mood, really positive and interested in hearing about each other's lives. i was glad to board the planes back, but part of me was a bit lonely during the trip back to the jetta. she was happy to see me, as that's the longest she's spent in economy parking. i spent a grip of cash getting her back; i think economy parking should be called something else. back at the office, i walked into two emails from one co-worker and two from the other. one co-worker's all, welcome back. again, welcome back! the other co-worker bitched about two things that MUST BE DONE TODAY!!! and created one of those am-angry-will-type-angrily-and-press-send-before-thinking notes about the phone system. when i was in los angeles last, karen read my livejournal and said, wow, sounds like you love your job. this is why i really and truly don't. my mama was awesome when discussing the ever-looming future. she's down with me quitting this job and picking up and out, heading here or there for a few months with little foundation to lean on. who knew she was so good? eh, i think she's ready for me to get out there already, which i seem to have paused on. i'm ready now. time to head east, buy a bus ticket from 42nd to green street. read bukowski's post office on the ride to nebraska and the bartender in vegas asked me to rethink my occupation. i was gonna explain that it was a book and not a service manual for usps workers but it seemed to be too much effort. i'm now almost through with capote's other voices, other rooms and i'll be sorry. then it's back to the fountainhead.

Comments: 1 hit - thanks for sharing.

Time: 4:43 pm.

i'm scratching like a fiend. my voice is hoarse. and last night i sat in my room (forgetting that i had put water on for tea each time it whistled) and twitched every time i saw an strange light in the corner of my eye. los angeles was as i had expected - a big, long, 57-hour day. the best was visiting a new neighborhood for a $5 show (including the fried chicken, black eyed peas and greens). and the other best, of course, was an evening out with super steve and the lovely karen. i could go on, but i'm still recovering and on top of that, in detox. perhaps more later; perhaps the moments are forever mine and only mine. but one more bit before closing: did you know that there is a building that causes the spontaneous combustion of trash cans and the liquidation of parking cones? i got none of that on monday, unfortunately.

Comments: thanks for sharing.

Subject: a $135 million art film Time: 12:18 pm.

today is a drag. my horoscope didn't even make an attempt at cheering me up this morning, saying something to the effect of "go back to bed and stay there." i had planned on arranging for this when i tumbled down into dreamland last night; however, the two martinis, three jack-and-cokes and two pbrs decided my fate lied elsewhere. instead of waking at 5 a.m. to call in sick, i awoke to the snoring of my bedmate at 7:24. last night's celebration was well deserved. i had my one-year evaluation, and it went very, very well. i have heard that flagstaff can be financially tricky to juggle as a young, hardworking american. it's been trying for me at times. but i got my first raise on the job, and i think it's gonna create some real positive change in my life - i even talked them up from their first offer. instead of $0.36, they're giving me $0.60 more an hour. let the martinis begin. i wasn't really disappointed until i finished my second. but then i started to think about it – and the fact that i wasn't initially upset over the loose change tossed my way - and it was all over. it's like my posture just keeps getting worse, or my necklines keep creeping up, a quarter of an inch each month, and pretty soon i'm just 9-to-5-ing it, smugly reading the arts section of the local paper, talking about my wild young days in the city at local gallery openings, switching to sensible shoes when the sky hints at snow and choosing a sweater over a dress on a saturday night. I should be able to buy myself a beer after work with my raise, though.

Comments: thanks for sharing.

Subject: 'twas 11:04 when i started this song - Time: 12:06 pm.

and now it's 12:08. i'm listening to decent jazz with the windows open, and the sun's not really around today, but still lurking, you can feel it. i could see my breath at 7:52, but crossing the street for pumpkin pie cappuccino around 11, it almost felt a bit warm. nice and cool, at least. today was the first day i was on-time, early even, to work in weeks. i didn't listen to the radio until i crossed main in sunnyside; from there, i popped in mr. gabriel's work of the year of my birth and listened to him screech into "not one of us" before bopping along with the jetta. i was the first to work and was rewarded when i opened the doors to a wall of lilacs. lovely stephanie brought by a big pot of them yesterday around noon, and they almost exploded overnight. i think my supervisor has a hard time wrapping her brain around the idea that girls can give girls flowers on wednesday and not be lesbians. so i haven't done much today besides the cappuccino; i did organize my web favorites and clear out my mail.com account from 80% capacity to 3%. i thought about doing a little shopping, but i don't think that's realistic. priorities. i guess i am growing up a bit? speaking of which, i suppose i'll now do something associated with my "job."

Comments: thanks for sharing.

LiveJournal for lo. View: User Info. View: Friends. View: Calendar. View: Memories. You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.