You Were Very Naughty This Year!

Naughty, naughty! You've given Santa a broken heart. You probably won't get anything from Mr. Claus Except for a well deserved spanking (Which you'll probably enjoy, you sicko!)

What Will earthtoneangel Get ?

Xmas pressie predictor
Big wooly jumper knitted by	lived_angel
Pair of Socks from	wsausty
Bottle of Whiskey from	luscioustongue
Cd from	sonnyd
Something Cuddly from	ladysunshyne
Something Intoxicating from	moshmongrel
Something Silly from	loki_aesir
Something Funny from	soyfaerie
Lump of coal from	candy_angel_sfl
Something Pretty from	evil_god
Something Shiny from	evil_god
Something Naughty from	ladysunshyne
Something Smelly from	moshmongrel
Something Breakable from	luscioustongue
Something Useful from	sonnyd
Something not useful from	soyfaerie
The Black and Decker Tool Kit from	loki_aesir
Livejournal account from	candy_angel_sfl
The Make-up Bag from	lived_angel
Stack of DVDs from	lonestar_beauty
Something Geeky from	sonnyd

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Made by _imran_ and beyond_bananas.
Hosted at Memeland

Date:	2004-12-08 23:17
Subject:	Relief and good feelings
Security:	Public
Mood:	indecisive

I picked up World of Warcraft today...after much debate and more debate and a whole heck of a lot more debate. I haven't even attempted to install it to my mac yet...I'm still not sure if I am ready for this or not. Its free for a month and I can play it anywhere I go because I can connect to the internet no matter where I am...so yippeee!!

I havent quite decided what I'm going to do about Final Fantasy. Chance hasnt returned any of my phone calls...I'm not sure how he's doing. Something really really weird has happened with mom and now she's not speaking to me. I think perhaps someone said something to Pa...or I could just be being paranoid. I was wondering if anyone would want to buy my character if I left. well...I will see.

I didnt play yesterday. I decided to spend time with people I speak to. I can't call them friends because they arent. I guess they are associates. We hung out at a bar and drunk $1 beers for a few hours. Amazingly it was fun. We laughed about all the bs that goes on at work and then we all went home. I came home and watched Hero yet again. Its such a great movie. Think I might watch it again tonight because I still dont feel like getting on Final Fantasy even though I really really want to lvl my blm.

Date:	2004-12-06 16:05
Subject:	Ultimate Vent....yea now I'm pissed.
Security:	Public
Mood:	bitchy
Music:	not in the mood for music

I typed like yards and yards of vent and then realized how much not better it made me feel. So I erased it. My life is too stressed right now and video game BS is making it worse....so tonight I'm going to be me. I'm going home and cleaning and watching a movie and getting ready for Christmas. I will make my appearance on the game when I'm ready. I will probably log on and tell the static to go on without me since I flip flopped last night between staying with them and leaving.

I don't know what to do about the whole situation on the game. Last night completely turned around how much fun I have been having on the game to givng me a bad taste for the game all together. Now that I'm graduating...maybe I need to put more efforts into finding a new job and play the game part time like a responsible mom should do. Maybe it was a sign. I don't know....but I'm not happy no more....and no one likes me when I'm not happy because I stop caring.

I'm hoping that all this BS doesnt affect mom badly...I'm worried about her. Hopefully Pa wont notice my absence too much....maybe weekends only is the way to go...turn it back into a game and go back to finishing out all my other Final Fantasies...I dont know.

I don't like selfish people. I don't like selfish people who blame you for the problems they are facing or that they can't find a way to deal with. Its a complete turn off to me in all ways. I go out my way to make everyone happy...its not something I always enjoy...but when it bites me in the butt for doing it...I will just move away. Last night pissed me off to a point that shouldn't be allowed in a game....I was hurt by a lot of people and am still pissed about it. Everyone talks about trust and how bad other people are but never stop to look at the stupid stuff they do. The pot calling the kettle black. I stay away from people and keep to myself for this reason...maybe I should have never come out of my shell...back in I go.

I think I need to just sleep it off....going all night to now without sleep hasnt been fun and it looks like I'm looking forward to another 3-4 day migraine cause of all of the stress. Hmmm going back to drawing and writing all night for a few days might be the ticket.

Well I need to get back to work before this all affect my job.

OK so its official. Everyone wants out of WS now and not look back. I'm going to buy a pearl today when I get back home and go on through with my plans for linkshell. Aust and Cloudy have volunteered to help out so thats great. I think it will work out great with the three of us. Before anyone is let in I think its best we establish some rules. The one's I have thought of are.

1. When you are on the internet playing internet games, there are really no rules as to whether someone can curse or not or how they act...unless of course its blatant cursing. (In most cases) I feel that everyone should be allowed to be themselves. Having a rule does cause someone to be a little bit more mature in the way they handle things or do things. BUT it also causes a lot of uneasiness for people because they are constantly having to watch what they say or do. Also..going through the config menu there is a chat filter that will filter out unsatisfactory type words...so that will be the suggestion I'm thinking for people that have an aversion to cursing.

2. Talking about relationships and such outside of the game is cool...but kept to decent limits. There will be no talk of sexual natures because these topics seem to get waaayyy out of hand and in the end it can result in someone being offended. Besides...why talk about sex in a game that has no connotations about sex. This includes auto-translator induced sex chat.

3. Treat everyone with the same respect that you would want someone to treat you with.

4. HAVE FUN!! HELP OUT!!

I think those are good rules to have. Clear cut rules....clean safe fun. Well at least those are ideas...not sure. ooooh and another rule....just for sack holders which it will only be 3. No more no less. No inviting people that you just happened to meet without a LS....if its someone that you've known for a while or met and often talk to that would make a good member of the team....yea sure. Toooo many new people come in and cause havoc for everyone else. I think that if done right a small linkshell could work...but I don't know.

UGGGHHH!! So many things to figure out about this. I am sooo afraid to talk to mitria about it. She tends to overreact to things and have a VERY short fuse. I know that there is a lot of things that she is hiding from everyone on the game and things that I am finding hard to understand how she can say one thing and do other things. But she is a cool game friend and I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt her or lose her friendship.

Well....looks like I won't have time to finish the rest of my thoughts...stupid job wants me to do work...uuggghhhh like I have nothing else better to do.

Date:	2004-11-11 23:35
Subject:	Here we go again.....
Security:	Public
Mood:	caffeinated
Music:	Welcome to the Jungle - Guns and Roses

Today is another blah day. I am not in the mood for anything...I dont feel like playing Final Fantasy when I get home cause I dont feel like being bothered by anyone or anything....I just wanna lay still and see if I can actually get my brain to stop working >.< UNFORTUNATELY the only way to ignore the thoughts pounding through my head is to play Final Fantasy and escape....but I am feeling quite anti-social so that may not work. I don't want to just turn off linkshell and go invisible cause I think that would be mean....and when you're feeling out of sorts its better to be around people....at least when your me.

Talking to Candy the other night made me really think about whats going on around me and whats going on with me...am I in any type of denial right now or are things going good. I'm afraid to ask the people that are around me on a daily basis because I'm afraid of what they may say. I thought about breaking down and going to the doctor's but I feel like I'm coping pretty well. Maybe I'm just trying to think myself into another fit. I think I've been pretty even no drastic highs and no drastic lows....but I do find tooo much comfort playing Final Fantasy and I'm noticing that other parts of my life are slipping behind and not getting handled. Am I rambling??? Maybe I should call Candy and ask her what she thinks...but she's not near me either to see or know and Granny already said I need to go back to the doctor. I think I might talk to Granny tomorrow and let her know everything that is going on. She may be able to help in some way. But I know it will come back to the point that she wants me to go back to the doctor. I wish my brain was normal like everyone elses....or is there a such thing?? LOL

Anyway....talked to the school yet again. Turns out there was errors. I owe the school $2580 in total and my payments will be $258. So now I gotta figure out what side of my behind I'm gonna pull that much money out of and still be able to feed my kids and put gas in the car. I'm not gonna complain though...at least I will graduate and maybe granny would be nice enough to co-sign a loan for me so that I can consolidate it with the rest of my loans. I'm gonna call this one place first though. Maybe they can help me.....i'm running out of ideas but I can't get this close and bomb out >.<

I got paid today yippeee!!!!! And I now have a whole $100 to my name until 2 weeks from tomorrow...just doesnt seem fair. I missed my car payment last month...not sure how I managed that so I get to double up on payments (maybe buying that tv wasnt such a good idea - oh well I can see Final Fantasy better now) $550 out immediately....oh well could be worse...could be my ENTIRE check. Then I gotta put some money to school....not sure how....but I will find some way. Thank god this isn't rent check or I'd be completely screwed.

I've been thinking about calling my mom but I dont want to deal with the BS. It would give me access to a LOT more money....but is money more important than happiness? Sometimes I feel like somehow they are tied together.

ok...well I get off in 10 minutes now and I'm gonna make a long drive home trying to sort out what my next moves are....I definitely need to do my hair so I can start looking for a new job or another additional job...more income is needed BADLY. Why in the world didn't I listen to myself and not have kids???? Life would be soo much easier!! LOL! ok so I'm lying....life would be lonely and unexciting and still very drugged and hazey...kids are agood thing.

Thinking of kids....Journey lost her second tooth!!!! YIPPEEEE!! Its sitting on top of my dresser...I will put it with her other tooth in her baby book. She is sooo excited about being snaggly tooth and I think that Eric is jealous that he still has all his teeth in his mouth.

I told Journey last night that I am going to have to stop sleeping with her and Eric and go back to my room to sleep. She's not happy about that and says that I can't do that because I would be so lonely without them to keep her warm. She's right...but everyone says that at their age they should be sleeping alone. Chances are though....I'll never make it to staying in my bed without them. I like laying awake and listening to them breathe....they are so beautiful and peaceful when their sleep. Happiest part of my real life is my kids. God knew what he was doing....

ok....thanks lj for giving me a place to put my random thoughts....I think its the lack of sleep thats doing it to me...maybe when I get home my mule will eb completely sold out. With it being my mule I can still go about farming and having fun.

Ya know I feel better now that I have vented...now I can go home and get some stuff done.

Date:	2004-11-08 18:02
Subject:	Upset Irate and ready to cry
Security:	Public
Mood:	Am I here???

ok..so I just got off the phone with the financial aid office at my school. I swear I always seem to pick the stupid schools that are way past unorganized and don't know their asses from their faces. So the nut on the other end of the phone is telling me that I have to make 2 payments of 586 and 87 PER MONTH! until August to take 1 frickin class!!!! Ok..so by most standards of my friends I'm rich..but this is the opinions of people that spend every single dime of every single check on dumb stuff that will get them nowhere. Me? I have 2 kids and can't do that but we still live check to check and spend a lot of time sitting in the house bothering the crap out of each other.

What the heck am I gonna do? I can't believe that a school can pull this right before you are supposed to graduate and now I am sitting here at work fighting tears because I have been working soooo hard to get to the end and now I can't! Can you say anxiety attacking coming on fast and no meds in sight to stop it???? Why does life always have to suck for me. I know other people have bigger problems that what is going on with me...but right now this is killing me inside and I don't know how to fix it. >.<

ok...so to the happier side of life. I am getting closer to my goal in Final Fantasy to get the Opaline dress for the wedding...but part of me is wondering...what is soooo fantastic about this dress as it looks exactly like the dress that I have. Is it the overall accomplishing the goal and being happy about it? The fact that its a level 40 armor set that makes me push a lot harder and a lot faster to get to a high level? Or the fact that the overall price is almost IMPOSSIBLE to reach...although I've been averaging almost 20-30k a day so it may be achieved...I only have 375k to go...maybe less if a lot of stuff sold.

I discovered how to take screenshots in the game now thanks to Aust!! THANK YOU AUST!! So I've been wandering around taking pictures and trying to take nice close ups of the different character faces and the scenery. I'm hoping it will help me with a project I am working on but not getting very far with >.<

Cloudy let me know that he discovered a new place for us to explore...YIPPEEE!!! Exploring with Cloudy is pretty fun because both of us are still at levels where if we go to the wrong place we are kitty fodder! LOL! I think we shocked the linkshell when we went to a major high place and got a crystal for the area. Hehe as if we are going to need it right now! LOL! I think whenever we go visit this new place I am going to see if we can take mom along...WITHOUT PA! Not that I have anything against him....but the more that I play with him and I read the things he says..he has basically started treating mom like his personal lackey. Yeah its great to have someone that you know will be there to play with you when you are playing but you have to make yourself available to do the stuff they want to do as much as the stuff you want to do...and if you are too dense to figure out that they really dont want to do the same thing...ASK EM!! uggghhh....ok so I've ranted. I just can't forget the day that mom actually cut loose one night and acted like herself...joined in the conversation and I could tell was really having a ball!! I pmed her and asked her if pa was sleep yet..and she said yes! I KNEW IT!! Mom wanted to be herself for a change. So we partied until she got sleepy (yea that killed me cause I was major tired)...We should have done it this weekend while I was off but I was sooooo tired I couldnt keep my eyes open. I need emergency no doze for those occassions.

Well... I've vented. I'm happy for the Butterfly apology I got today from Aust....he didnt have anything to apologize for IMHO but I was grateful for the great way to start the day. THANK YOU AUST!!!!! OMG! And to think Gnar would ever think I'd rather spend my time with him over Aust! HAHAHAHAHA! I'm still laughing at that ...conceited and self-centered even in the game..ughhh

Ok..back to work.. 2.5 hours to go

Date:	2004-10-30 18:51
Subject:	I'M GETTING MARRIED!!! he he he
Security:	Public
Mood:	chipper

ok...now that I got your attention! yeppers I'm getting married. NOT in real life though ...ARE YOU CRAZY!! Get that thought out your mind...its NOT going to happen!! LOL! But at any rate...I'm getting married in FFXI^^ Which is a great thing for soooo many reasons.

1. NO MORE PROPOSALS over and over and over again from all over the place. I am a taken kitty! LOL! Man what is this thing with everyone wanting to have a mithra??

2. I get to see a FFXI wedding up close and personal

3. I was asked by the only person in the game I have ever thought was worth going through the whole
marriage thing with. I figured if I was ever going to get married in the game it would be someone that I could hang out with in the game and not get annoyed with for being there (HA I can't believe someone asked me if I would marry Xmagex!!! HAHAHAHA) and who I know would want to help me as much as I would want to help them. All wrapped up in short...thats Aust! So it was going to be that I said no to everyone until he asked or I would just be sponsors to everyone else and watch weddings that way. Either way I would still have fun and love playing the game. But I'm glad for the way things turned out.

4. Now Mom and Pa and Asirah and Cloudy and Odomitria and Xmagex and Silent (yeppers Silent...but thats my fault for telling her who I would marry if they ever asked) and Cinthra and pretty much the whole linkshell can stop asking me what I think of Aust and if he asked me what would I say and if I was ever going to say yes to someone...etc. etc. etc. he he he Aust saved me from torture yet again ^^

ya know now that I think about it.... I think number 3 shoulda been #1

Well...overalls I think the proposal thing was pretty cool. It would be a lucky woman that could have that type of proposal in real life. Riding down a river on a barge through scenery that can only be matched in New Zealand (the scenery used for Lord of the Rings) with eagles flying overhead and waterfalls and such. Sooooo beautiful and very unexpected. Although real life...my answer would have been more along the lines of EEEWWWW NO!!! MARRIAGE BAD!!!. LOL

Well thats my exciting news for the day. I didnt make 25 with my WHM last night though so that sucked but I'm not very far away from getting it and then I can concentrate on getting my DRG to 30 and then stop to get all my other characters leveled up at least to 20 so I can use em as Subs and stuff.

ok....typed out enough now...back to homework >.

I'm really confused about what happened this morning. I was half asleep through most of it so that might be why. I overslept a bit getting my daughter off to school today. I still managed to get her off to school on time and tomorrow is the dreaded field trip I really don't want to go on. BUT Journey requested me so I will be up and without sleep and walk around in the cold looking at pumpkins with her for her field trip....YIPPEEE!! NOT! I hated field trips as a kid and I am sure this will be about as much fun. I will take my camera though and grin and bear it...but back to this morning.

I came home sleepy and all I wanted to do was take a nap...despite the fact that my house looks like it got hit by a garbage truck. There is crap everywhere...I can't blame the kids this time....I just havent been up to doing mommy chores. There are clothes piled up on the living room couch...thank goodness they are all clean clothes.. I just need to iron everything and hang it up. Why is it I hate ironing SOOOO much??? Well needless to say I didn't iron this morning like I said I would. I straightened up the bathroom and laid out on the bed with intentions of farming or leveling...so at first I was leveling happily on my own and I was asked to join a pt...so I ran all the way to jeuno to get ot the airship and they tell me ooh it took so long they are getting someone else. OK...so I'm now I'm pretty ticked off. So I'm there so I decide ot put a pt together and that goes well and then the last person who we have sat and waited 15 minutes for...gets to the Khazam and takes an invite from another party saying he didnt think we would wait for him...ok you talked to me on the airship and I told ya tell me when you get off so I can invite ya. How am I not waiting for you? IDIOTS! Ok...so now I've spent a load of money to get somewher and sit for an hour doing nothing but fuming at stupid people.... >.< SOOOOO screw it...I shut the PS2 off and went to sleep....I dont think I even logged out. So I set my clock for 2 and I wake up at 1 when the alarm went off that was clearly set to go off at 2 and I was upset to be awake a whole hour early for no reason to find that my son had actually stayed up on the bed with me and cuddled himself to sleep. OOOH SO CUTE!!

So now I'm at work in a bad mood for no reason and I know when I get off I won't be able to play for long despite how BADLY I need to level..ugggh..stupid field trip. I SOOO want to take off tomorrow just for sleep.

Well I'm done venting for now....overall not a bad day just wanted to fuss about something as usual I guess.

The good news is Soy FaeRie (I know I spelled it wrong YET again) is going to hopefully join the game with me....I hope she likes it cause I love it.

well...work calls I'll vent more later

Date:	2004-10-19 16:56
Subject:	I am a Wedding Chaperone!!!
Security:	Public
Mood:	CAFFINATED
Music:	Chocobo Riding Music

Ok most won't understand this...but its my journal so I don't care. Its something that I'm really happy about. Odomsmom and Odomspa (I know them from Final Fantasy XI Online) are getting married and they have asked me to be their chaperone for the marriage. Yes I am sooo excited about a game marriage and being asked to be a big part of it!! I put in the application today for them to get married and my gift to them is the bride's gown which is kinda expensive in game money but they have been sooooo much help to me and they have always had such kind words for me. So much different than the parent I was used to...so its refreshing to have people around that I lovingly call mom and pa and be happy to be around. When I first met them I didnt think it would work out us being friends because the whole playing a video game with someone's parents seemed sooooo scary!!! What if I said the wrong thing around them or did the wrong thing around them?? What if I upset them? Then I realized something...I am someone's mama too so I should be alright and they have become two of my greatest friends in the game.

Today I spoke to Odomsmom on the phone for a bit while we got everything straightened out. I spoke to her briefly once before when I managed to fall asleep playing in a bad part of the game!!! Mom to the rescue!! She has a great voice!! One of those voices that as a kid you wished you heard when you woke up or cheering you on at a game or one of your school functions. Anyway she is a really great woman and so is her husband.

There are a lot of other great people that I play with too. My linkshell (thats what we use to keep us all together) is like a family on the game and we all look out for each other and get on each others nerves and cheer each other up when other people outside of the game get on our nerves. Funny enough I think I speak to these people more than I do any of the friends I have outside of the game....finally found a place I feel like I actually belong (so does that make me a video game geek??). Last night we all got together and lvled our jobs that were around 13 or 14 and I was the White Mage ^.^ I was sooooooo nervous the whole night because I was in charge of making sure no one died. Ok so 2 people died and they shouldn't have...Mom made a mistake and pulled the wrong thing and my little fingers couldnt work fast enough to get her and another character killed soo poof dead. USUALLY a bad bad bad thing....but Aust came along with us (my hero) and brought them both back to life. He wasnt actually in the party leveling he is a HIGH lvl WHM that came along to help out with healing...or as I like to say...to make sure I didnt kill anybody trying to learn and to make sure nothing got to us that shouldn't have. And of course he came along to keep us all company which I was glad he did cause it was sad finding out he couldnt get anything the level we are now in time to join us....but we are almost at the level of his BLM so maybe we can all level together then.

I have a new appreciation for the white mages in the game now that I'm leveling mine...its HARD VERY VERY HARD!!!! Aust is great at it...but then he's great at pretty much all his jobs on the game. He's another friend in the game on my linkshell that I'm always with and enjoy being around. Game would definitely be boring without him (hint hint) so I hope he doesnt leave.

Hee hee I'm on a talking about final fantasy role now aren't I? Hee hee

Ok...to real life. Journey lost her first tooth and another one is on its way out. 16 more days until graduation....WOOT so excited.

yea thats the amount of my real life....Final Fantasy is sooooo much more exciting isnt it?? LOL

Date:	2004-10-16 16:51
Subject:	Better Times Better Moods
Security:	Public
Mood:	FFXI
Music:	Rolanberry Fields Theme

Alright so in June I was exploding and now its October and I'm calm cool and relaxed. YIPPEE!!!! I bought a new car and donated the old car to the Breast Cancer place. What did I get? Definitely not another minivan...although I would have loved to have another one...but the payments would have killed me. We have a teeny tiny 2004 Hyundai Accent. Ok...not my choice car to have 2 kids in with a jogging stroller in the back trunk....BUT beggers cant be choosers when it comes down to it.

I didnt want a new car but after all the hassles with the old car, I got it fixed and guess what? It started breaking down again. I was on written notice at work for continuously having to call in because I had no transportation soooo I got a ride with a guy from work to the nearest dealership and told them...get me a car under $300 a month and I buy it. Man...salespeople run fast when they know they have an EAAASSYYY sale.

So my car is dark grey with dark grey interior. Its a zippy little car....and its big enough to have the kids in the car and take my granny to all the places she needs to go on my days off.

Well that catches me up to now pretty much....besides that we moved to a really nice apartment where I have REALLY great neighbors and there is a duck pond and a pool and loads of amenities. I HAVE A DISHWASHER!!!! I shall never touch another dish again! hee hee.

Anyway...school is over....not going to graduate with honors though...I have a 3.76 now *amazing huh* I just barely missed honors but I forgot to turn in an assignment for one class and it took my A to a B...oh well....I'm just happy to have good grades for a change...so November 6th I am DEGREED!!! woohoo!! and who said I couldnt work go to school take care of my kids and play video games at the same time? he he he

Well I guess I need to get back to doing my homework...gotta take a CLEP exam on Monday that I'm not looking forward to at all....and a homework assignment due tonight that I havent even started...ugghhh.

OOOOH!!! almost forgot I BOUGHT A NEW TV!!!! Its a 27 inch RCA entertainment tv...it was on sale at walmart....its not flat screened though...but its only to be able to see my video games better so I dont think that really matters...might take it back to get the flatscreen though in 2 more paychecks...gotta do some research. I am still learning how to use it (yea I did say that) it took me like 4-5 minutes to figure out how to get the picture to come up. Let me say before feeling completely stupid....all my tvs are from the late 80s early 90s...this is the first BRAND NEW tv I've owned in a long time. Think I might give my old one to my kids...that way I can hook the dvd player up to it and not be forced to watch Mickey Mouse in the 3 musketeers EVER again!!!

Ok... thats all my news....might take me a bit to get back.... I am COMPLETLEY involved in Final Fantasy XI now...I swore to myself I would not purchase the game because I new I would be addicted...but I did...and I am...and I have got to break myself from the game ASAP so I can get all my other work done. >.< sooo hard to do though. Great friends, Great graphics Great fun...who could ask for anything more??

Well except 30 minutes to hurry and pass so I can take my cigarette break.

oh and lets take a vote.....Christmas has soooooo passed...should I change my picture? LOL maybe I can fix myself up in my mithra costume and snap a picture...Whats a mithra??? if you HAVE to ask...you dont need to know! LOL

Date:	2004-06-01 19:33
Subject:	CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP
Security:	Public
Mood:	distressed
Music:	Zero 7 - Somersault

ok....so I made the stupid Dean's List...yippe. Who can be happy when their car completely hates them. Its bad enough I drive around in a big green minivan but the damned thing need MORE work done to it....now I get to replace the fuel system at $600!!!! I DONT HAVE $600 this is such BULLSHIT!!! ok...so maybe cursing isnt going to help or yelling at my journal pages but I'm really frustrated right now.

This sets us back sooooo much! I had decided to get Journey one of those cute little playhouses for her birthday...yep was gonna sit it right in my living room. Well....guess that idea is completely gone now. And well...no vacation again this year cause its gonna take another 2 months to recover from this AND I hadnt quite recovered from buying my laptop. UGGGGHHH!!! Thank goodness I got the laptop when I did though or I'd still be trying to figure out how to get my homework done in a timely manner.

Well....I'm in a crappy mood now...and on top of all this I AM STILL SINGLE!!! Why is it so hard to find someone?? Why is it that I only attract jerks? or assholes? or worse yet..married men!!! UGGGHH! Maybe its my winning personality or something! LOL

oh well....I think I've finished venting....I'm going to go soak myself in my sorrows.

Its been a long time since I updated my journal. I have been holed off to myself thinking that if I just held everything in my head long enough it would all go away. Well...as usual I was wrong and I thought about my livejournal and how empty it was and how long it had been since I sat and wrote in it. Well.....now its not going to be so empty.

Now I am NOT about to go back over the past couple of months and what I've been doing or what I havent been doing. Because overall its not too interesting or eventful. I've had my ups over the past couple of months and I've had my downs.

On Tuesday, my little boy turned 3 and he is potty trained and enjoys being able to say that he is AND that he can pee in the toilet standing up. Not bad for a single mom huh? Wasnt as hard to teach him as I thought.

I'm still in school....holding a 3.8 GPA and graduating in November....I'm hoping with honors...but just getting my degree will make me happy enough and get me and the kids into a better place.

Well....i'm too sleepy to really type....I'm in one of those blah moods that just doesnt seem to want to be shaken...so off to bed I go.

Date:	2003-12-05 03:50
Subject:	Holiday Blues
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy

Ok...I've come to grips that I am not going to make the honor roll this semester. I can't seem to get anything except a B in my color theory class...let me just say that I think this class has to be the STUPIDIST class I've ever taken...but I'm hoping that somewhere down the line someone is going to get picky with me about the difference between a tint and a shade while designing a project so that I can curse them out. Who cares about the THEORY of color as long as you know how to use the freaking colors?!?!?!?!

OK so it means that for the weeks up until holiday, I have to study my butt off.

My car broke down.... and its snowing outside. Yeah snow I can deal with....but how the freak do I get to work (I AM TRYING NOT TO CURSE) Its gonna cost 450 in total to fix the stupid car.....I'm gonna put the belt in first cause at least I can drive it at that point....but if I dont put new tires on it, I'm gonna wreck in the snow. There should be some man that walks around and just TELLS people that there tires dont have tread! Hell I never noticed...hahahaha guess thats what happens when you study.

So ok...before this...my car slips out of gear and hits someone's car at work. The most MISERABLE BITCH (sorry couldn't refrain any longer) at my job. She hates the world (ESPECIALLY men, thank god I'm not one crossing her path!) and now she hates me cause while sitting at my desk taking a phonecall...my car decides to have sex with her car...so she has no freaking bumper. Its kinda funny now that I think about it. I managed to have an accident without actually being in the car...how many people can say that? So now I got one accident on my record.. and I wasnt even there to witness the shit. Although...would I have wanted to.

So back to Christmas....my kids want stuff for Christmas...and so far I've managed to work out an outfit a piece from the GAP (thanks to my cousins for the gift cards) and a cage for a ferret ( I had intentions of buying a ferret...I really did!!) and a Christmas tree with no freaking ornaments.....we just have a pine tree (fake) sitting in the living room. It sits next to my half dead fica tree that has like 24 leaves on it.

Ok...that basically sums up the months of november and beginning of december. Now tell me my last couple of weeks haven't been hilarious.

oh yeah...this is just something to mention because of certain people (they know who they are) I know that are gonna read this. I switched over completely to my mac now....I've been this way for about 3 weeks...and ya know what??? I haven't seen one pop-up...my computer hasnt had to be rebooted....and nothing has had to send an error report. I'd say I'm living the life.

ok....I'm done babbling now.


NO I AM NOT!!! My daughter has the lead part in the Nutcracker in her Pre-Kindergarten play!!!!! MY BABY IS A SUPERSTAR!!! So I gotta get some film for the camera...and take some pictures!!!


Alright its 3:50 AM...I think I'm missing sleep

Ok...I'm a bit late in announcing this...but I made the Dean's list for this past quarter in school. Grades were 100% and a 96%!!! WOOHOO ME!! I was soo excited...had to party with the kids!! LOL

Well....now I got a B in one class and I want to cry!!! OK so I know I should be happy with a B but hell I got Dean's List for the first time in my life and I want to keep it!!

I have had absolutely NOOOOO time to update my journal. It seems like whenever I feel like I have some time to relax my brain and get some fresh air...50 million things happen to make me work my ass off!!!

I start back to college on October 12th to complete my degree in Visual Communications. I decided to attend school online at AIU Online which I'm hoping is a good decision...time will tell.

Right now I'm working on getting all my credits together so that I won't have to take any side classes to complete my degree by next year...of course this means sitting down and drawing up graphics and designing web sites and such....ugggghhhh.

Anyone got any ideas of some websites I can throw together???

Why do men always think they need to lie about stuff? Do they honestly think that women are stupid...or maybe they just don't think we have memory enough to remember the things we do and/or say? I'm really pissed off about this....so instead of posting I think I'll just take a bunch of quizilla quizes and keep my mouth shut. Ugghhh I hate men!!!

Damn Comcast!! I can't even take the quizzes right now cause the page won't load!!! uggghhh!! This just isnt my day.

But on the bright side...I've been speaking with Journey's dad more frequently lately. He seems to be finally starting to get things together for himself...which I'm glad to hear. Poor guy, I feel really sorry for him...LOL! At least he did do one thing good in life and thats give me Journey. Hopefully one day soon he will actually make it here to see her but I have a feeling that it will never happen. For now Journey is happy with her Godfather so I'm not pushing any issues or letting her know the truth behind it all...after all she is only 4.

And for those who don't know...I moved into my new apartment at the beginning of the month!! WOOHOO!! 2 bedroom apartment with a great sized living room....me and the kids are sooooo much happier now. Did I write this in my journal before??? LOL...can't remember...half the time I can't remember if I wrote in here or I wrote in my journal at home. LOL!!! Well actually I didn't forget...just can't remember if I hit the save button.

LOL

HEY LIZ!!! I TOLD YOU I WOULD WRITE SOMETHING SOONER OR LATER!!!

The following are different answers given by school-age children to the given question:

Why did God make mothers?

1.-She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2.-Think about it, it was the best way to get more people.
3.-Mostly to clean the house.
4.-To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1.- He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2.- Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3.- God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?

1.- We're related.
2.- God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

1- God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2.-They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string. I think.

What kind of little girl was your mom?

1.- My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2.- I don't know because I wasn't there, but probably pretty bossy.
3.- They say she used to be nice.

How did your mom meet your dad?

1.- Mom was working in a store and dad was shoplifting.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1.- His last name.
2.- She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3.Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores.


Why did your mom marry your dad?

1.- My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2.- She got too old to do anything else with him.
3.- My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

What makes a real woman?

1.- It means you have to be really bossy without looking bossy.

Lactating Barbie? What the fuck is wrong with you?
Snap out of it and kill the kid while you still
can!


If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
brought to you by Quizilla

I have a headache...I've been sitting here in tears for the past hour now trying to sort out thoughts in my head. One of my friends called to let me know he is engaged now. Seems like all my friends have someone but me. Journey woke up crying a little while ago yet again...she wants her daddy. I held her and held her until she fell asleep...thank god for dark rooms she couldn't see me cry. I don't know what to do about her. I would love more than anything to give her her daddy and to let him be an everyday part of her life...but I know its not happening...and nothing me or her dad do could actually make that happen for her right now and it seems that he is all she wants.

I knew this would come one day but I didn't realize it would be soo soon and I don't have any answers for her and its killing me. I use to pray that I would have found someone and been married by now so she would have a daddy in her life...but I'm not that lucky...I don't even have a "boyfriend" for her to hang out with and be at least temporarily happy with...and I don't want that to be a solution for her.

I want the best for both my kids and it seems like no matter what I do I'm always falling short...and it really really hurts.

There...now I got it out....thought I would feel better...but I don't.

Everything else is a small problem compared to this.