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May. 30th, 2008 @ 11:40 am Nic Simpson
http://stuff.co.nz/dominionpost/4565205a6000.html

*sniff*

Bet Connor is well proud - can't believe he's 16 now!!!!!!!! Man I need to totally pay more attention to my friends & their kids or I'll just not know them at all....
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Grr
May. 23rd, 2008 @ 10:38 am (no subject)

A year today i put alice down. still think of her everyday, her greeting howls, her cuddles, headbuts and playing in the forest.... still get teary eyed everytime i think of her ... woke up one night last week, had my bag on my bed, thought it was alice curled up *sniff*

some things i wish i could take back and change, may have changed things a bit - kept her here with me for a bit longer - slowly learning not to beat myself up about stuff/guilt etc. 

hope you're having fun my sweet, miss you forever....

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swear
May. 8th, 2008 @ 06:40 pm (no subject)
It's really weird being back in melbourne. I seriously went a bit too hard when i was in welly which I'm a bit disapointed in myself about now... I'm seriously missing everyone there and the greenery, places and vibe etc. I've been really depressed since i've been back, part of this i'm assuming is my body in detox (ie i fucked myself up enough that i skipped my period whilst I was there - and considering i haven't been on the pill for a couple of months that was a little freaky!)....
 
the main two reasons i left welly was because of alice and also to get off the stuff. i've found that 6 months away has helped with the alice part but after the binge i just went through i don't know if i could move back there without falling back into the same trap... i think this scares me a bit and now i'm pinning for what i can't have, wellington. weird. very very weird if i am interpreting this correctly. i know that i'm down at the moment so i'm trying to just sleep, eat, exercise well etc and not let it feel like everything is just becoming too much or at least very very crappy. on the bright side i don't have much of a problem not being on the stuff when in melbourne, even though it's easier to get and 1/5th of the price! so ie it's the people i hang around with in welly which is really the problem and the fact that when i'm there i want to be on it...
 
really not liking my job or the hostel much at the moment so am trying to take baby steps towards getting these two things sorted. hopefully look at a couple of flats this week - there's plenty out there even if i just get into somewhere for a wee while to get my head together again would be a good step. went had a lovely massage today which was soo good, was at that point where just about to burst into tears at any moment before i walked in there but after i'm feeling much more grounded which is a relief!
 
thinking about penny moving overseas and really making leaps and bounds in her career has made me really jealous/envious. i am really happy for her don't get me wrong, she deserves it all but i can't help but look at her, as i always have, and think how well she just goes out and does things and succeeds. we had this big discussion about my perception of myself and how i've never felt like ppl liked me but she, and lena in another conversation, both said this was really not a realistic view (queen of the goths indeed). weird. i think if i'm ever to feel like i'm succeeding i need to stop being such a trash head - it's the only thing i've ever felt like i could succeed at and it's probably the thing which fucks my body/head up the most which prevents me from accomplishing, or dreaming of accomplishing, what i could achieve....
 
wow... big rant... time to leave it here i think...
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rainbow
Apr. 30th, 2008 @ 11:26 am (no subject)
 hey all,

i'm in town till sunday....off to upbeats on fri @ sandwiches (i think?)

soo running out of time to catch up with ppl.... would be great to catch up with y'all but i'm getting all booked up!!! maybe friday before the  upbeats ppl may to meet for drinks or something?

i'll check back on here tomorrow or fri to see whose up for drinkies....

mwah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

ps. i'm on my nz ph 027 634 6960
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rainbow
Apr. 19th, 2008 @ 03:26 pm (no subject)

Ekk i'll be back in welly 24th apr - 5th may - looking forward to catching up with ppl!!! oh yes indeed!!!!

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rainbow
Oct. 19th, 2007 @ 11:59 am (no subject)
 happy birthday helen, miss you love, take care of my alice up there :)
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Grr
Oct. 19th, 2007 @ 10:48 am BYE WELLINGTON!!!!
sorry - cut n'paste from an email - apologies for crap formatting :/

Hi all,
 
As you all know I’m flying out to Melbourne next Thursday (6am flight = ick)!!!!!
 
I’ve been incredibly slack re organising drinks for this weekend, I think I’ve gotten to that point where the only thing I want to organise is – have I got everything I need for the beach ;)
 
Seeing as it’s such short notice I thought I would just give everyone a head’s up on where I’m planning on being so if you want to come along & gimme sh!t ya can J
 
§         Friday – attic bar (above SubNine on Edward St), free entry, 3 tequila’s for $10, D&B – I’ll prob be there after 10 (assuming I make it through my wk farewell drinks & wk group drinks)
 
§         Saturday – I’ll be @ some bar, possibly Buena Vista Social Club before hitting Sandwiches for RHOMBUS ($20)
 
 
Ph: 027 634 6960 – I’ll be getting a new ph/no. when I get to oz but until I go this no. will be working J
Email: emily.common@gmail.com (please note my paradise account will be deactivated soon)
 
            Non-wk ppl – can you pass this onto others as I seem to have left my brain up my ar$e & don’t have m/any email addy’s here :/
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Grr
Sep. 4th, 2007 @ 12:34 pm stuff for sale
 
Hi all,
 
I’ve decided to move back overseas (melbourne to start with) and as a result I have lots of stuff to sell (only major items noted here)! Currently living in northland, pick up only please for large items - preferably between 10-15th September (I move out on 16th). Please note I only have email/internet access during work hours…. if anyone's interested please feel free to ask for photos or to come view :)
 
 
Darkroom enlarger   $50
I haven’t used this for a while but used to use it for b&w photography, definitely suitable for learning/practicing with J
 
Nikon film camera & lenses    $400
For anyone wanting to get into film photography this is the ultimate kit – wicked camera; several lenses including tele, macro, super wide lens etc; polarising filters; hood caps etc. Wellington Photographic Supplies recommended I sell the camera for around $150 & the main lenses for around $350. selling cheap as, frankly, I got it cheapish, it’s served it’s time with me & I’d prefer to sell as a lot rather than selling on trademe (too lazy for that!). I haven’t got specific details here right now but if interested please ask.
 
Mini fridge/freezer    $100
 
Black entertainment unit $60
Total H: 120cm, D: 40cm, W: 133cm
TV compartment W: 80cm (non variable), H: 75cm (max)
Has shelves on left where I currently have my stereo/books/dvds etc, changeable heights for shelves; on the right is the large tv compartment area with 2 closed compartments beneath (ie with doors) and shelve(s) above where I currently have my dvd player. It’s a really good unit, very useful, versatile & stable. Can email photos if ppl want to see or welcome to come view.
 
Computer workstation $45
H: 133cm, D: 50cm, W: 89cm
Slide out keyboard, storage shelf underneath for books, speakers etc, small shelf on top, has cd rack on side of unit which holds 27cds, light (wooden) brown colour
 
Large double/Queen (?) bed base & matress   $100 (available 15/16th September)
Pretty standard bed, 2nd hand when I got it, I think it’s pretty damn comfy (kinda loathe to part with it in fact lol), doesn’t have any obvious faults that I’ve noticed.
 
Brother DCP-110C   $100
* Photo quality printing up to 6000 x 1200 dpi on glossy paper
* Colour copier with versatile flatbed design
* Flatbed colour scanning
* Photo-capture centre with media card slots
colour ink jet printer, scanner, photo capture centre (ie don’t need pc to print) – takes CF, Smart Media, Memory Stick, SD, XD-Picture Card, prints 20 pages p/min. currently needs black ink but has colours.
 
Lite-On External DVD RW Burner, SOHW-812SX, $120
Burner Type
DVD±RW
Read Speed
12x (DVD), 40x (CD)
Write Speed  
40x (CD), 8x (DVD+R), 8x (DVD-R)
ReWrite Speed
24x (CD-RW), 4x (DVD+RW), 4x (DVD-RW)
Supported CD Formats  
CD-Extra • CD-I • CD-ROM XA • Multi-Session • Photo-CD • Video-CD • CD Audio • Karaoke-CD • CD Plus • CD-R • CD-RW
 
Recording CD Modes  
Track-at-once • Disc-at-once • Packet Write • Session-at-once • Over-Burn
Supported DVD Formats  
DVD-ROM • Multi-border • Multi-Session
Max. Media Capacity
4.7 GB
Recording DVD Modes  
Disk-at-once • Over-Burn
Supported Media Writing Standards
CD-R • CD-RW • DVD-R • DVD+R • DVD+RW • DVD-RW
Buffer Size
2 MB
Features
Buffer Underrun Proof • Silent Mode • Emergency Disk Eject Hole
Operating System
Microsoft Windows 2000 • Microsoft Windows 98 • Microsoft Windows Millennium Edition • Microsoft Windows XP
About this Entry
rainbow
May. 30th, 2007 @ 04:22 pm (no subject)

Hi all,

A wee while ago I sent out an invite to ppl to come round and say good bye to alice. For those who came to say good bye to her I really do think it picked her up, she seemed a bit perkier for a couple of days and had started to be interested in eating again. Unfortunately she started getting sick again so it was only a temporary reprieve. As I didn't want to put her through any surgery there was no point in getting x-rays etc… I had vets come round to mine last Wednesday (23rd) and had her put down.

I'm really sorry that I haven't told lot of you this before now, I've just been a total mess since then and not in a particularly communicative mood. Thanks for all your kind words and virtual hugs etc, they are appreciated even if I haven't replied (sorry). I'm sorry for not sending this out to ppl earlier, just been trying to do the one day @ a time thing I guess…. Still feels like I just murdered my best friend though (yeah I know it was the kindest thing I could do but….) so between guilt and general grief please forgive me if I've snapped @ you, forgotten stuff or just plain not been listening :(

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swear
May. 11th, 2007 @ 03:35 pm alice update

hi all,

update on alice, looks like will probably be getting her put down on monday. sorry cut and paste from emails below. only so many times i can type/txt this type of stuff. *sigh*. 

:(

(11/05/07) Well I thought I was joking when I said to someone that she was costing me a weeks pay, turns out it did. Doh! She's still not eating, the vets have no idea why but @ least I have pain killers I can give her without food. They want to put pellets in her then take x-rays as they think there is a blockage in her tummy or something which would be around another $300 x-rays & then minimum $1K for any surgery to sort depending on what the problem is.

Think it's looking like time to get put down cos she's not happy @ all and I just can't afford to keep forking out hundreds of dollars (much as I utterly hate the idea of putting a monetary cost onto my best mate). As I'm guessing she can't go much longer without eating I'd prob say that if you want to come see her flick me a text, I'll prob be home most of the weekend trying to keep her happy/comfy. I really don't know about timing I'm sorry, if she's getting worse maybe as early as Monday, maybe next Friday, I really don't know, just depends on her (and me getting some courage lol). I guess what I'm saying is if you want to see her best make it quick; don't worry I won't be offended etc if you don't, just want to make sure that those who do get a chance to say good bye if they choose to. I know I said I was going to have an alice deathday party but I really don't think she' d like it atm as she's so miserable/in pain :(

------------------------------------------------------

(10/05/07) Some of you know a bit of the recent background, for those who don't alice has basically been throwing up for last couple days, so hasn't been able to take any pain killers. Came home on tues night and she was lying in pool of her own vomit. Yeah real nice. In my bed too, ah such ow. Not happy puppy. Obviously in lots of pain, poor thing would fall over when she tried to stand (which she only did when obviously busting to go toilet)  :( She was kept @ the vet last night, initially kidney and liver enzymes are up (her pain killers cause renal failure) but kidneys appear to be ok for the moment. @ least the vet could give her some painkillers that didn't require food first. She apparently managed to keep some food down last night so following further tests, a $400+ bill (expensive doggy spa, she better come back smelling nice damnit) I'll hopefully be able to bring her home tonight. Looks like I'll be having a quiet weekend lol, no rhombus for me WaH!

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rainbow
Feb. 28th, 2007 @ 01:22 pm alice update
well she's come out of the x-ray ok. no sign of bone tumor (YAY). lots of arthritis build up and probable cruciate rupture. her kidneys and liver are still ok so can continue to use the rimadyl for pain mgmt. could operate but i wouldn't put her through it. so will speak with the vet about what we're going to do when i pick her up tonight. still long term doesn't look good if it is cruciate cos it'll be hurting like a mutha fuker :(  maybe time to get alice a pram so i can still take her on sightseeing walks lol.

i'm going to go have a little relief cry now.

thanks to everyone for all their kind words and wishes, will update again after vet....
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rainbow
Feb. 14th, 2007 @ 12:53 pm (no subject)
random warm fuzzies to those amazing women @ women's refuge who help so many ppl @ this time of year, not to mention every other day.

one mate who has a psycho stalker.

another is getting back with a guy who just a couple of months ago was threatening to kill her with a pair of scissors to her neck, then decided it would be better to kill her dog in front of her.

be safe out there kids, remember not everyone is as nice as they appear, or as sane.

*sigh*

nice thoughts for valentine's day huh? *snort*
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swear
Jun. 23rd, 2006 @ 12:37 pm (no subject)
out of bordem i did this test again

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:
5.4
Mind:
4.8
Body:
6.4
Spirit:
5.9
Friends/Family:
2.7
Love:
6.9
Finance:
8.1
Take the Rate My Life Quiz


not too bad considering i was balling my eyes out this morning for about 20minutes...
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Grr
Jun. 23rd, 2006 @ 10:58 am (no subject)
Random cos I haven't updated for AGES and am That bored….

What I've been up to - I am shiny and hayden is sparky - that about covers our weekends. I make things shiny and colourful and hayden makes things spark/work/blow up. Life is fun. I have new lasers to pull apart tonight - they have much power and I will now be able to make you blind! Haahaa! Still want blue, violet and green laser diodes. Or perhaps some funky Helium Neon lasers *sigh*

I don't drink anymore. Funny huh? I just don't like alcohol. I don’t like what it does to myself or other people. It is the worst drug around and can't really stand drunk people anymore. I wouldn't have believed anybody if they had told me that in 9 months time I wouldn't like to drink anymore - I would have laughed my head off. And no I'm not pregnant (=ick) - don't worry my thoughts on that hasn't changed!

Oh I've found god by the way. No I'm not christian or muslium but just myself, and you, and that little shrub you kicked on the way out of the house this morning. Spiritual quantum physics has officially fucked with my head. It's all my fault - every little thing I hate about myself (and there is a lot) - my total lack of memory, total inability to do anything right - and it's all my own fault. That is a really depressing thought! Now if I can just get past that, reconnect all my neural pathways and accept the impossible, I will be god. Perhaps you will be too. But I am you so… it's good to know that I Can be in multiple places at the same time and that I can live forever - there is no reason to die - certainly not to grow old unless you choose to, but it's really hard to accept it enough to do it eh, to change all my thoughts and beliefs to actually have the desired effect? To find the observer in this and all other realities? What the bleep do I know - see it if you can, I woke up the next morning balling my eyes out once all this had sunk in (hoorah for the sleeping subconscious eh). there's a lot I need to do to change myself so I can be happy with myself and begin to move on. Will I achieve it all? Become the god we all have the capability to be? Probably not. But is there any reason I shouldn't try? Only me holds me back… *sigh* but that's the hardest thing to overcome - my own self creation. Blah…. See the movie, it's too hard to explain spiritual quantum physics when moaning about one's self….

Dogs are good. They play together and alice is super happy, prancing little pony of mine that she is.

I miss gir soo much still. Had a dream last night that I was holding him, could feel him all soft and warm against me. *sniff*

Work is shite. Can't stay awake even when going to sleep by 8pm! So I eat and get fat and then I crash from my sugar highs and my teeth fall out. Haahaa! That's all right cos once I am god I will just grow some more!

Buhahahahahaa!!!

Not crazy, just accepting the insanity within since 2006.

Guess I should go do some work.
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rainbow
Nov. 1st, 2005 @ 08:34 am (no subject)
heh not too far off probably...


This Is My Life, Rated
Life:
6.4
Mind:
5.7
Body:
6
Spirit:
8.6
Friends/Family:
4
Love:
6.9
Finance:
8.3
Take the Rate My Life Quiz
About this Entry
rainbow
Oct. 28th, 2005 @ 03:30 pm (no subject)
On The Edge
On the Edge: You've done a few bad things in your
life, but hasnt everyone? You see it this way:
you do what you have to in order to survive.
You are so precariously close to becoming
something evil all it would take is one shove
in the wrong direction to make you loose it.

Your soul is starting to blacken around the edges
and if you should happen to fall, redemption
will be a long ways away. Hope is fleeting and
all too far away.


How Wyrm Tainted Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
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rainbow
Oct. 28th, 2005 @ 08:43 am (no subject)
You're Seth Gecko, you bastard.
Fun at the Titty Twister.


Which B-Movie Badass Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
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rainbow
Oct. 20th, 2005 @ 01:31 pm (no subject)
it's the little things that are just so cool:

"well this would have to be my last dying tx thought i'd spend it on you to say fuck your hot ;-)"

meow ;)

17 days to go.... anyone got a cryo unit they wanna lend me?
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rainbow
Oct. 17th, 2005 @ 08:39 am (no subject)
Had my first motorbike accident in the weekend!!! On a stupid lazy, & far too comfy harley. Ick. And of course murphy's law would say that the one time I wasn't wearing a jacket cos we were going for a 5minute ride to collect one - a stupid fucking car would happen to slam into us. We were in the bus lane next to the passenger door of this crappy car & he just turns/swerves straight into us - looks like he was trying to get a park coming up. Doh! We were only going about 30km so by the time we stopped we were somewhere between 0-10km before we got flown. So I have a slightly messed up elbow, burnt the skin off it with the impact, graze on the hip & same again on the knee - less than a hard night's drinking ;) sweet mate! Got shock about 15mins after getting back to his work - mitch was like - "you seem to be doing pretty well - not feeling nautious or anything?" & I'm like no, course not, I'm fine… about 3minutes later - "I think I'm going to be sick" - got the full on whiteys, sweats, nautious, hot, cold - 5mins later was fine :) the wonderful power of suggestion huh?!? Haahaa!

Of course hayden came off without a scratch - that's cos I was his crash cushion! Haahaa! That was haydens' second time in something stupid like 14yrs where he's been in a car/bike accident - he felt soo bad that the second time had to happen when I was with him - so he shouted me a fry up & we had a hot Saturday night! *grin*

Kinda glad it happened so that now I won't be so scared of coming off… boy wants me to get full set leathers now, he's soo cute, all paranoid etc for me now. We were just glad it was on the brand new, latest model harley & not on his bike! Shop can cover insurance on crappy harley! Haahaa! Cruddy bike anyways!!!

Yay boy is trying to get me jimmy's old 150cc bike so I can learn on! Whoop! That will be lots of fun - especially now I've come off - won't be too scared of coming off again (pref with leathers next time tho)….

Did women's refuge catch up training on Sunday, went for a another ride, helped vicki move flat, had jam with carla and then had long hot sexy shower with boy, more hot sex & pizza ;) yay for hot sex! Whoop! Also yay for new hot toys with 7 speeds & different 'patterns' & twisty bits - haahaa! Three whole weeks to wait - anyone got a cryo unit we could borrow for a cpl of weeks - then I'll only have one week to go till we get our own place!
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rainbow
Oct. 13th, 2005 @ 04:27 pm (no subject)
copy of an email i sent this am to some ppl cos i'm too lazy to rehash it...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey guys!!!

I've prob told most of you that me & Hayden had decided to get a flat together. So last night we started calling a couple of ppl. The third person we called about a flat said yes, we take dogs (normally it's about 1 in 30 that say yes so this was a damn good start!). So we went & had a look last night & now we have a new flat!!! Yay!!! So me & hayden will be moving into our new flat on the 6th november opposite karori cemetary!!! Whoop!!!

The place is really nice; downstairs flat with a very straight young couple living upstairs but the soundproofing is pretty good apparently. It's got a large outside section, partially fenced - not exactly grass but will be Lots of fun for the dogs & kitten monster and has a tree for me to climb!!! It's a three bedroom, two ok sized ones and one tiny one (will prob be animal room or something similar)… ended up getting on the pi$$ with the landlord last night - had a couple of bottles of wine - her husband is into motorbikes and loves dogs - sweet mate - sorted!!!

Yay Karori cemetary - soo good for walking dogs etc :) Gir (kitten) is gonna Love it soo much & it's nice & not too near any roads so I won't have to stress about that! Phew!

So to keep with the way everything else has gone with me & boy so far, it was too easy!!! Yay us! Whoop!!! Tin ar$es!!!

So there shall be party type stuff no doubt sometime in november :)
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rainbow