A Drunken Punch Up At A Wedding [entries|friends|calendar] An accident waiting to happen [ website | Facebook ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

"I know that in the morning I will loose you..." [05 May 2008|04:39pm] [ music | Interzone - Joy Division ] My roommate just moved out. Her side of the room is more naked than a porn star in doggy style position. She told me to have a fun summer in California. Should I have mentioned I was moving back? The chance of me seeing her, if I did come back, would be slim. She'll forget me just before the summer ends, but I'll always be grateful for having a not-so-stupid roommate who was never there during my only year at Texas State.  For the past two hours I have been reading the Dresden Dolls' blog, going back five years ago when they were first trying to find a label to release their album. Now they have crazy devoted fans who read their blog and are able to delve deeper into the woman we know as Amanda Palmer. It's easy reading her blog because she writes little observations in her life that may not seem interesting to anyone else, but strike her as signs of sorts, or just little amusements. I have also been listening to No, Virginia... religiously. For the most part, I listen to it on my computer. If my roommate were around more often she probably would have gotten annoyed with the loud banging of the piano or Amanda's vocals breaking on the last track "Boston". I'm only reading these blogs to alleviate some of the pain I am feeling right now. I move out of here tomorrow. Permanently. Never returning to campus. Not even back to this state. Well, unless a family member dies or Ruby or Shawn get married. Seeing people in my hall leaving with their comforters and boxes of crap they probably haven't even touched for the whole year, leaving them pondering "Why did I bring this in the first place?" I know that is what I have been doing. Clothes that I never wore, or only wore once when I was feeling, dare I say it, frisky? Along with all the other accumulated shit that was left forgotten, I also went through old birthday and thank-you cards and mix tapes made for me, all reminders of the false promise this place provided me. That is what is tugging at my heart the most--the what-could-have-been. Sure, I probably could have toughed it out for another three years, and quite possibly have gone insane with my never-ending solitude and knowing that not one person here actually understood me. One of the very few friends I made here left last week. I was crushed when I found out. I saw him two weeks ago in the dining hall with another friend. It was awkward at first, considering the fact that we lost contact for five months. But the chemistry was still there between the three of us. It's been on my mind the past few days. I didn't get to properly say goodbye to him. I'll miss him dearly. I hung out with another friend Thursday night. What should have been a fun occasion turned into melancholy. Not because it wasn't fun, nevertheless illegal, but I was flooded back with memories of people who are truly genuine and just downright good. I'll also miss him dearly, although my mind lingers to think if he wanted me more as a friend. I'll never know, and I think it's a mystery best left unsolved. There is one person who managed to cause me the most agony throughout most of my year here. Parts of me hate him, parts of me love him, and certain body parts just miss parts of his body. In my heart, I truly don't think he hurt me intentionally. If anything, it was just carelessness and cowardice. I don't know what I was to him. He may have just been a gentleman because his parents taught him to be that way. Or maybe he was holding something back. I could go on analyzing this situation, which I have been for a month now. It's not worth it though because parts of me want to believe there was something more than what I know was there. In reality, there is a simplistic answer to this because men are simplistic. Being alone in my dorm reminds me of the first few days here--bringing a boy over to fool around. Making loud noises and having the people in my hall give me weird looks afterward. Having someone hold me, sing to me, and tell me how beautiful I am. The late nights in his bed listening to "Chasing Cars" while he held me for dear life. The moments where he kissed me passionately because he missed me (or parts of me). That one rainy night where I danced with him to "Too Close" in his room, acting about as awkward as Michael Cera. The "relationship" we had may have ended bitterly (twice), but he made me feel passion. He made me realize I did have something to offer. If I ever, by some weird coincidence, pass him by in life, I want to thank him and give him a hug. All that is now left in my room are  clothes, books, CDs, and bags of things that couldn't find their way into a brown box. And of course the dust bunnies of memories that have piled up over the past year. 2 answers| Question

[01 May 2008|01:07am] I feel stagnant in my creativity. There is so much I could be doing right now, yet I'm not. I'm experiencing life as we speak--love, sex, rock n' roll, and drugs (At one very brief point), yet I'm not expressing it as I should. Instead, I think about it in my head rather than putting it in pictures or writing. Instead I'm complaining here on my blog, waiting until I get to that point where I can express it in an artistic fashion. My photographs are so mediocre. They're shot in a decent manner, but none of my pictures verbalizes anything captivating. It's a like looking at a beautiful  woman, and realizing she's vacant as soon as you speak to her. There's nothing daring or interesting about it, except that it's nice to look at. I don't want to do that. One of the parting words of my art history teacher was to do art that hasn't been done before--do things that wouldn't necessarily be beautiful, and find beauty in it. I thought I was good at that part, but obviously I was wrong. And the fact that my camera broke makes it harder to test out different things and get new ideas. I bought one recently, but I'm having it shipped to my dad's so I won't be seeing it for the next month. I really like Mariam's idea of taking pictures of subtitled films. It's really creative, and Mariam has a knack for finding the not -so-beautiful things beautiful. She also notices detail that often times gets overlooked. That's what separates good and bad photographers. I'm tired of taking pictures with slow shutter speeds and different depths of field. I'm sick of looking at plant pictures and the photograph not conveying how I feel. It's time for me to get a grip, and find a subject that actually talks to me and the camera. Damn it, I want something new! I'm writing a script now. I have been writing a script now for the past three years. For a good two years the idea was just rattling around in my head, as high school proved to lessen my interest in actually getting it down in writing. I began writing the script again about six months ago. Actually, I started from scratch again. It was going along, and then I put it down and stopped writing it yet again. I picked my notebook up again about two weeks ago. I re-read what I wrote from the last time I picked it up, and realized that maybe two percent of what was in my composition notebook was actually usable. Everything else was cheesy and complete garbage. I keep getting new ideas for this script though, and by the grace of God, and lack of drugs and alcohol, I manage to remember these ideas for a really long time. I'm feeling the urge to just start all over again, and I'm afraid if I keep going at this pace I'll never get it done. Or when I do finish, I'll hate it and throw out the idea completely. I wonder if Fellini or Lynch or Tarantino ever feel/felt this way when writing a script... 6 answers| Question

Old feelings coming back [31 Mar 2008|01:11am] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | Something Must Break - Joy Division ] I still haven't found my Bill Murray. 3 answers| Question

[02 Mar 2008|10:54pm] [ music | Atrocity Exhibition (live) - Joy Division ] I got some bad news from my mom today. My great-grandmother passed away last night. I'm not sure exactly her age, but she was somewhere in her nineties. I'm a little relieved. The past few years have been awful on her. She was put into a convalescent home after she was pronounced with osteoporosis. After that, she was diagnosed with dementia and, apparently she went blind not too long ago. I visited her a few years back, and she couldn't even remember my grandfather's name. Every five minutes she would have to ask me my name. My grandfather said she had been praying to God lately to just take her already because she was in so much pain. I didn't really know her too well, but she was a sweetheart. I remember my brother and I going to her beautiful house and playing in her backyard. I especially remember playing with her dog, Buttons. My great-uncle now lives in her house. According to my mom, my great-grandmother was a lively woman. She was always in the kitchen cooking, or yelling at my great-grandfather like most Italian women. It was heartbreaking for the family see her deteriorate so much. She was the only in-law my dad actually liked. My dad doesn't get along with in-laws at all. I thought it was just because my mom's family was so screwy, but he's like that with my step-mom's family too. Then again, her family is screwy too. I think my dad has a thing for screwy women. Anyway, I was planning to make a post about the Obama rally at my school. It was awesome. It was just an electrifying moment. Supporters, non-supporters, people who were curious--everyone was there. Even my roommate, and her politics are conservative. I give her props for that though. I overheard some kids sitting behind me in Art History the day after the rally and one kid asked this girl if she went to the Obama rally and she said "No. You see, Obama doesn't believe in God so I can't vote for him". After she said that, the kid said "Oh, I wasn't aware of that". It's stupid how people get swayed so easily by things that aren't really relevant to anything. But it's been that way for a long time, and you'll continue to get the idiotic voter who bases their opinion on religion, the clothes they wear or the haircut they have. My mood was slightly ruined when I went to check my myspace when this guy sends me a message on myspace: "Hey me and my wife would love to play with you". I told my roommate this. While she was laughing, I was getting grossed out. The scary part is he lives ten minutes away from here. It's disgusting, and showing pride in catching animals for eating or whatever is not a turn on to a vegetarian whatsoever. It's not a turn period. I remember the days when I would complain about how men weren't attracted to me and how I just wanted a guy to say "I want to fuck you" to me. Now, that's every other guy I meet. Be careful what you wish for, eh? Now I just want someone who likes listening to me talk and act like a spaz. I'm not talking boyfriend, but just a friend. I don't get along with too many women, and I have a tendency to forget I'm a girl when I hang out with a group of guys. I watched It Happened One Night, Gilda and La Dolce Vita in the past few days. Why is it that women from the 30's-60's look a million times better than the women of today. They're just so beautiful. I was born in the wrong generation. I kind of resent the fact that many of today's actresses are compared to women fifty to sixty years ago. They could never be as beautiful as Anita Ekberg or Rita Hayworth. Those were stunning women. I'm not much of a Marilyn Monroe fan, though. I loved her in Some Like It Hot but meh. She does nothing for me, which is weird because I like Scarlett Johansson. Then again, I really don't see the resemblance between the two except that they're blonde and have big boobs. Spring Break is next week. I really can't wait. I have three essays due this week and I haven't started on it yet. The lazy part of the semester. I'm tempted to just skip class all week, but that would be a dumb thing to do, wouldn't it? 8 answers| Question

[18 Feb 2008|09:54pm] [ music | Drove Us Mad - Anagram ] So yesterday, after I watched Werner Herzog's Stroszek, I went to Commons to go eat dinner. Well, after you watch a movie like that you usually want to let it sink in and be by yourself to think about what you just watched. Or at least I did. So I'm about a quarter way into my meal when a nice looking guy decides to sit with me. I don't know what it is with me sitting by myself, and guys just wanting to plop down and start a conversation with me. Either they are really desperate for sex, or they feel horribly bad for me since I sit by myself. The thing is, I really have no problem eating by myself. I do it everyday, and I did it during my last year of high school. Anyway, dinner is meant for eating not talking. So the guy offers to sit right next to me, and I didn't want to be a bitch about it so I let him sit at my table. To be honest, I just thought he was lonely and just wanted to sit at my table so he didn't look so pathetic. I really didn't expect him to talk to me. I wasn't in the mood to talk--I was just in the mood to think and eat. He was a nice guy. He was dressed very nice and he had beautiful blue eyes. We talked about the usual -- school, work, music, film. Shit like that. It was all going good until he began to compliment me by saying "You're really pretty", "You have a beautiful name", and my personal favorite "You have a beautiful smile". I said thank you and blushed because I do that whenever anyone gives me a compliment. It's just my thing. It's not that I hate compliments, but if you're gonna try something on me, don't pull the "you're beautiful" crap ten minutes into having a conversation with me. It's the faux kind of suave that I HATE coming from men. Am I the only one who thinks that? Usually when men say that crap, they expect you to melt into a little puddle and by the time you reform into a solid again you're ready to do anything with the guy. Not me. When compliments like that come as fast as they did with that guy, it just tells me you're interested in one thing. He might have been interested in a relationship, and even then, I'm not interested in one, nonetheless have the time for one. Right now, the thought of having a romantic relationship just makes me sick. I'm young. I don't need to be tied down. That's why I came to college. If I wanted to be controlled by a man I just would have lived with my dad while going to Junior College. Another problem I have is with guys wanting to settle down so quickly. What is it with that? It's hard to mess around with guys if all they're thinking about is marriage and children. They're young and horny, too. In fact, shouldn't the roles be reversed? Shouldn't I be the one who wants the husband, kid, and house? It's weird how gender roles reverse. I guess it's because men aren't really tied down after settling. They can do what they want still. Women are burdened with 9 months of producing a kid, and then maternity leave and then they spend the next 18 years taking care of the kid. Naturally, men do have a role in child rearing, too, but for men it's easier for them to leave. There are stories of women leaving the father and child, but for a guy you can just deposit and leave. I'm not bagging on men, but rather just explaining that they're not as tied down as a woman is when they begin settling down. This makes sense in my own head, I'm just not too sure if I'm explaining properly on here. Oh, and the fire alarm just went off ten minutes ago. This time it was burnt popcorn. I had to stand outside for ten minutes in 40 degree weather with wet hair. Not fun. Shouldn't 18-19 year olds know how to make popcorn by now? I would like to think so. 8 answers| Question

[11 Feb 2008|09:42pm] [ music | Lover Man - Billie Holiday ] I am so sick of bands trying so damn hard to come off as "dark" and "mysterious". I was listening to a CD I got at the radio station last night. It was a band called The Hidden Hand. All the lyrics contained stuff like "Dark clouds" and "flip the coin; there's a fifty fifty chance" or some shit like that. It was faux metal and the vocalist had no feeling whatsoever in his voice. No emotion. So those heavy guitar riffs and crappy dark lyrics had no impact because I don't think the vocalist felt anything he wrote. I guess I was so critical and seething in my review of the CD because I just bought Closer by Joy Division. It came in Friday, and I pretty much listened to that CD for the whole weekend. Now there was a band that didn't have to try so damn hard.  Ian sang about things that he actually felt. It wasn't just random imagery he pulled out of his ass. When you listen to a band with that much emotion, every other band just seems shitty in comparison.  In fact, Joy Division might be taking Radiohead's place in my top 5 bands list. Yes, let's all gasp! I was actually able to borrow Unknown Pleasures: The Collector's Edition from the radio station. It contains the original CD and a concert they did in 1979. I know I sound like hipster scum talking about Joy Division in a holier than thou kind of manner, but it's been a while since I've discovered a band with such grace and talent. It's really strange such lyrics came from such a young man. An old soul, I suppose. This obsession will pass. I'll forget about them for three months, then randomly discover them again and say "Damn, this is a great band!" like I do with the other five hundred or so bands I love. Some reading I need to catch up on once my workload gets lighter. I think I'll start reading Touching From a Distance tonight just because  I want to. I'm trying to catch up on the Dark Knight, so that way when the movie comes out I'll be better informed about the plot. It's a little weird that I have these weird obsessions with dead people lately. Don't worry--I'm not planning to off myself. I just think the legacies people leave behind are the most interesting. I think when any young person dies it's always romantic. From Ledger to Renfro to Curtis--young men with large amounts of talent, not to mention problems, just die. All three of them had kids, and I always wonder about what's going to happen (or what happened) to these kids who are fatherless. It's these kinds of questions that make these people a little more interesting. At least for me. I had to do the most cliché, nerdy thing ever and tape my glasses. I really don't know what happened. Today I just randomly took them off, and a part of them just broke off. It doesn't look like a screw or anything fell out. Tape is going to have to do for right now, until I go to somewhere where they fix glasses. It shouldn't be too costly, but the tape is holding it up...for now. 3 answers| Question

So Mariam... [30 Jan 2008|10:14pm] [ music | Lost in The Supermarket - The Clash ] Don't delete your journal!!!!!! Pwease? 3 answers| Question

In a state of shock. [22 Jan 2008|09:53pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | A Funky Space Reincarnation - Marvin Gaye ] I wanna know how many actors could do a transformation like this. To completely become unrecognizable and to sound incredibly different. It shows how talented this guy was. My mouth dropped to the floor when I found out he died. This guy was really good, and he was getting into really good roles, and showing off his acting abilities. Now, we'll never know what else he could have done. Shawn sent me an interview of him talking about his role as The Joker. He said that playing The Joker was probably the most fun he'll ever have playing in a movie. That was present tense, which now changed to past tense. It's just one of those things that you never expect. 2 answers| Question

Just a tiny update on California and its goodies! [29 Dec 2007|03:34pm] I've been in California for the past two weeks, and it's crazy how things change so much when you leave for a while. People are still the same, thank God. It's just the construction of new buildings, the demise of others. I'm still enjoying myself. I really don't want to leave in two weeks. I feel like I need to do so much more while I'm still here. I rode my bike yesterday, and boy have I forgotten how inconsiderate California drivers are! The drivers in Texas are so much nicer. Houston, however, breeds some of the worst drivers in the world. It's not so much as they don't know how to drive, but rather they don't pay attention to the speedometer, which scares me a bit. I'm at my mom's right now (gasp!). She's going off to St. George, Utah to meet with her boy toy tonight. For Christmas, he gave her some buddy passes so she could come out there and stay with him while he was on vacation. It sucks for her because for the past seven days she was in Prescott, Arizona visiting her dad and she just came back in last night. AC is going to drop her off at LAX since my mother's tags are six months expired and her car would have a good chance of getting towed. I watched Inland Empire last night. Actually, I watched about a quarter of it. It was my fault for putting it on at 11 o'clock at night when I was already getting sleepy. I finally had to turn it off because it was just way too freaky to watch. Shockingly, I had no weird ass dreams last night. So I went to San Francisco, and my God, it was beautiful. The city life--just everything about it was awesome. I really had a good time there. I took plenty of photos, too. ( Bay Area ) It was nice catching up with the gang, discussing our love/sex lives. Just like old times. I really don't want to leave California now. I'm going to talk to my mother now. Little chit chat before she leaves. See this thing when I get back to Texas. 8 answers| Question

In a few days I'll be in Cali! [10 Dec 2007|07:42pm] [ music | February - The Appleseed Cast ] Tomorrow is my last day of finals, and then my grandmother is picking me up from the dorm. I'll be at my grandmother's house, with no internet, until Thursday, where hopefully I'll be going to California. They're stand-by passes, so the schedule could be rather unpredictable. But I'm going to have to wake up early on Thursday morning, where then I'll go to California and stay with my dad until Sunday. On Sunday, I'll have to wake up early again and go on a seven hour bus trip to San Francisco, where I'll be staying with my friends until the end of the week. Then, I'll drive back to Southern California where I'll be staying with my dad for the rest of my trip. I might stay a weekend with my brother, but I have to ask him if it's ok with him first before doing anything. It's going to be a busy break, but it's just what I need. I'll be coming back home, which is San Marcos, on the 11th. I have to. My orientation is that day. I'll try to post lots of pictures and post other things within the next month. I don't think I'll be so terribly busy where I can't even get near a computer. The question is if whether or not I can get internet wherever I am. So long, my dear readers! Question

[05 Dec 2007|10:33pm] [ music | Eavesdropping - Grizzly Bear ] I have a history final to study for, but instead I'm just going to write in here. Partially because I'm procrastinating. The other part is because I'm cold and I hope the heater will kick on soon enough so I'll be able to concentrate on my studies without worrying about my drunkard red nose falling off. It's not even hot outside, and the air conditioning is cranked up. If I were to guess the temperature in this place, I'd say it's at 60 degrees, AT LEAST! I took my Psychology final tonight. Like with everything else, I probably should have tried to study for that, but I felt I knew everything I needed to know about frontal, occipital, parietal, and temporal lobes. I didn't think there was much of a science behind it...oh wait, it is psychology Sunday night was hell. Partially because I literally stayed in bed all day. I wasn't sick or anything, I just wasn't in the mood to leave that particular spot. I had an outline to make for the speech I gave the next day. I only got up to go to Taco Bell to buy a meatless taco salad and a 7-layer burrito. God, how vegetarian of me. So I managed to stay on the computer and for an hour and a half I was on last.fm, trying to find new music to satisfy my insatiable desire to get new music into my pretty little hands. I think I downloaded about hundred songs or so of bands I listened to years ago, bands I've only heard little from, and bands that just had interesting names and were worth the download. I'm still trying to get these songs onto my iTunes. Maybe it was more than a hundred songs? I had an interview--excuse me, a JOB interview with KTSW (the college radio station), for the position of music editor (The lovely job of picking out music to play on the radio) and Friday I found out that I got the job. I have orientation when I get back, and I am seriously excited to be working at a radio station. It has been one of the many dream jobs I have had since I was ten and now I get to do it! It's a dream come true, not to mention it'll look splendid on my résumé. I think the biggest part I'm looking forward to is just getting new music. It's been hard the past two years. I couldn't really download after I moved in with my dad because when I was still living with my mom, I downloaded close to two thousand songs (Which, believe me, was not enough for me), and I would always tell my dad this, and he was always worried that I would be caught by the police and go to jail for piracy. So when I moved with him, I had a hundred song limit, which was shit because who can just listen to a hundred songs? That is the equivalent of eating one potato chip. And what's the use of having a laptop if you have a damn firewall at this college? Ok, so maybe I can do homework, but who the fuck can do homework without some kind of music playing in the background to give me inspiration? I can always find a place for a Xiu Xiu lyric in an English essay. Project Runway was a bit sad today. Chris, the big guy on the show, and one of my favorite designers on the show, got the boot tonight. He did make a hideous jacket, but it wasn't as bad as that poorly constructed neon cloth in shambles thing that the other guy made. Why can't the good guys ever win? I'm all too excited for next week. I'm going back to California! Yeah, it's crazy and a dream come true. I was talking to my mom last week (Yeah, talking to her) and she asked me if I was going to come home for the holidays and I told her no. She offered to buy me a ticket through a friend of hers who works at an airline and could get stand-by passes for $60. So she's paying for my ticket, and I plan on going to San Francisco to visit my friends for a few days, then drive back down for the rest of break. I'm really excited, and I imagine San Francisco being a bit warmer than my dorm right now. If the air keeps going, I think I'm going to get sick. I'm already starting to feel like shit. If I get sick during finals week, someone's ass is going down to China town! So will mine, too in a few weeks! Ah, I can't wait for California weather. Ever since I got here, I've actually had to look at the weather. In California it's either all the same, or you look at the weather and never trust it because nine times out of ten it is usually wrong. I guess the weathermen over there need to add excitement to the perfect California weather. Out here, one day it's hot, the next it's freezing, the next it's nice, and the next there are bad thunderstorms. At least I haven't started saying "y'all" yet...well, purposely, that is. I've been in a reading mood lately. I usually read at night though. I'm trying to go to bed at decent hours, but I have a tendency to stay up until two or three in the morning doing nothing but either surfing the web or listening to music. Lately, I have been waking up at 1:30 in the afternoon, with the whole day just going by, and me, doing nothing. It's why I'm taking an hour more of class next semester--to keep me busy. Thursdays are going to be hell, but I'm off Wednesdays and I only have one class on Mondays--an afternoon class, so it'll be an easier transition from the weekend. And with my job, I should be fairly productive, and maybe meet more new people and make new friends. Okay, so the last part is highly unlikely because about 75% of the friends I have made so far are guys who just wanted to get into my pants, or people I see every now and again, usually disappearing the way they first appeared--out of fucking nowhere. At least I can feel better knowing that Quentin Tarantino, a man who with lots of smarts and charm, still didn't have a girlfriend at the age of 25, but had many first dates, like me. I mean, I can feel better about that, right? According to Quentin, he was a "first date" guy, a lot like me. Except that I'm a girl. My frist dates usually end up like this. Well my main point of that paragraph was that I began reading (and finished!) a book called A Million Little Pieces. The book Oprah called James Frey on when he embellished his criminal record in the book that was labeled a memoir. Memoir, fiction, romance novel--didn't matter, because the book itself was still good. Well written, interesting story, and motivational. He really didn't need to mention the criminal record. The book could have stood well with just the rehabilitation alone. I did try to look up that video of Oprah chewing out James Frey, but I instead found a lot of pictures of the guy, and I admit, I find him to be terribly attractive. I actually was attracted to him the whole time I read the book. I guess it was his smart-ass attitude and his faux tough exterior that I fell in love with. Or the fact that I just find him to be physically attractive. I've also started Quartet again. It's getting a bit more interesting, it's just the way the dialog is set up that annoys me--it's all English-type in a setting of France. I really want to finish the book tonight, but I have that damn history test I still need to study for. My eyes are getting worse. Or I am becoming more and more dependent on my glasses. It's getting to a point where I am afraid to out at night without my glasses because I can barely see anything. I wear them when I go to class, when I watch television or a movie, and when I just go outside. It sucks when I'm walking around campus and someone is waving to me and I can't make out their face because I'm not wearing my glasses, thus not waving back. I can start, START to make out someone's face when I get at least three feet in front of them. Damn astigmatism. Damn my near-sightedness. I guess I'm turning into an old lady, and will forever be bound by my dark rimmed glasses. If I were able to give my dad a Christmas list, the only thing I'd want is John Krasinski. I've fallen hard for this man. Ever since I got addicted to The Office, all I've wanted was this man, and I still do. I just want to see season four. Damn WGA. Actually, damn the people who are treating the WGA like shit. I say BOOOOOOO to them and their mothers! I've written another Amanda Palmer-esque entry filled with dilemmas, bullshit, and wants that I'll never have. X h 3 answers| Question

[25 Nov 2007|07:18pm] [ music | Passing Feeling - Elliott Smith ] It only took me two years, but I finally got my tattoo. If you're familiar with the Nickelodeon show Rocko's Modern Life, then this shouldn't be too much of a problem to guess what it is. ( Filbert ) It was an early birthday present to myself. 2 answers| Question

All I Need [11 Oct 2007|12:01am] [ music | All I Need - Radiohead ] You're all I need...you're all I need... I love this Radiohead song. However, it's making me cry. 10 answers| Question

A favorite poem of mine [05 Oct 2007|02:04pm] Retreat Before she can deliver the cruncher, I stride away backwards My car door opens, I fall in as the engine fires I speed home in reverse, unshave, unwash, plop down in my easy chair Where picturing what a good night it's going to be, I slowly spit up a manhattan --dry-- just the way I like it. -Charles Harper Web 2 answers| Question

My backside! [26 Sep 2007|09:57pm] [ music | Depression - Black Flag ] Three hours in a tiny little chair learning the basics about Social Psychology. Boy, will your backside begin to hurt by the first hour. I'm still sore and I got out an hour ago. Thank God my teacher is interesting, otherwise the class would really fucking suck. I also don't think it helped I took a Claritin24 last night. That was a bad idea considering I had a 9:30 class this morning and my sleep has been less than perfect. By less than perfect, I mean non-existent. I have a hard time falling asleep, then I wake up every hour. It's not insomnia, otherwise I wouldn't be able to sleep at all. Stress. That's the only logical explanation I can come up with. Anyway, I ended up not going to my 9:30 class. I was too hopped up on the medicine and too tired from no sleep. I woke up at noon and went to the library to catch up on some reading then ate dinner and went to psychology. So I've pretty much been sitting down this whole entire day which explains why I was in pain during psychology. On my way to the library I noticed a stand of books that were used. They were only a dollar, so I ended up buying Quartet by Jean Rhys. It sounds like a rather scandalous book. I'm only thirty pages into it but I like it so far. Tomorrow is my last day of classes then it's the weekend! Of course I have to write a paper on what success means to me and do some history reading and English reading and math homework, but at least it's the weekend! I got my math test back -- 85%. I could have done so much better. I'm feeling a little sleepy. Maybe I'll read some and try to get to sleep. 16 answers| Question

My last entry...for now [12 Aug 2007|11:52pm] Goodbye small Heaven. Hello big Heaven. I leave for Texas in two days. I won't be on the computer for a while, so don't nudge me Mariam. I hope to get a laptop within this year, but we'll see how things pan out. Don't worry, I'll be back and hopefully with good things to say. For now, au revoir. 1 answer| Question

So you don't want to hear about my good day? [20 Apr 2007|11:10pm] [ music | Here Is The House - Depeche Mode ] Today was a good day despite the fact that there were a bunch of bomb threats in different schools and it was Hitler's birthday. My step-mom got paranoid and kept her kids home and took me to school. It would have been funny if my school went through a shooting and I was killed. Well, not funny haha, but funny as in she kept the wrong kids home. It rained all day. We needed it. Our weather has been dry lately. It was nice hearing the rain pound on the roof of the classroom in French. It was peaceful. One of the few enjoyable experiences I have had in that class. Well, it was the norm until after school where we ate and told each what we liked about each other's personalities. Afterward, we drove to AC's and watched some videos on youtube and went to the grocery store to get fruit to fondue! We got bananas, apples, and strawberries. Mia had to go home unfortunately, so it was the four of us dipping our fruit in chocolate while watching The Golden Girls and comparing each other to the characters of the show. We attempted to make s'mores but the marshmallows wouldn't melt fast enough. I was sick of chocolate by the end of that, and we decided to go to Nickel Nickel. Nickel Nickel, for those of you who don't know, is a wonderful arcade. You pay to get in and you use nickels instead of tokens. There are certain machines that are free play. I played this one really stereotypical Japanese fighting game and I almost beat it when this dumb computer animated bitch just whooped my ass. Oh well, I beat Amanda at air hockey three times and I think that was good enough. I found out I'm not coordinated when it comes to DDR. Maybe it's because I'm not Asian....We got tickets for some of the games we played and by the end of the night we got kazoos, whistles, candy and temporary tatoos. After two hour's worth of game playing we got a seven layer burrito at Taco Bell and talked amongst ourselves and then went back to my place to put our temporary tatoos in inappropriate places. ;] And it was all done on my kitchen floor. It was a great Friday. 7 answers| Question

Things a plenty [17 Mar 2007|10:56pm] [ music | Growing Upside Down - The Ditty Bops ] I about filled myself to the brim today when I went to Souplantation. God, I can never get my fill when I go there. I'm always getting up and trying something else. That place forces you to just keep eating until you're dead and fat and somehow you still manage to come up from the dead and scrounge up more to eat. I'm still full and I ate five hours ago! It's nuts. I've been drawing a lot lately. Art has gotten me into that as of lately. I finished my drawing of Scarlett Johansson and in fact, started and finished another one. It's the picture of her on my door, the one Mariam gave to me with the t-shirt she has on that says "New York Fuckin City" in big letters and in tiny red letters beneath it says "There's no place like home". It looks creepy since her smile is very weird and harder to draw on paper. Well, it gave me something do while I sat down and listened to the Depeche Mode CD's Sean let me borrow (The guy is a sweetheart). Amanda got a good one. I almost cried at school the other day. Not a bad cry, but a happy cry. As many of you know, there's a slow kid that always says "Hi" to me every morning. I think I mentioned him in another entry, but anyway the other day he came skipping towards me. He was really happy. He said me "Hi" like usual, then showed me a card that said something like "To a great Son" with a gift card to Wal-Mart. I asked him if it was for his birthday and he said "no" and "it's from my dad" and just skipped along. It just made me so happy that his dad just gave him that out of the blue and that that card made him so happy that he had to just show it to everyone. I'm getting a little watery just thinking about it. I figured out my bus problems. Instead of running like a mad man every day to the bus stop, looking like a middle school dweeb and sometimes missing my bus, I decided to just go the GYM. That way, I can take another bus and NOT have to run. It's a great system and I came up with it on my own! Men are so stupid or they just have a big lack of knowledge when it comes to knowing the human anatomy. Last night my dad got a call from Lindee and the conversation went like so: -"Hey." Lindee says something. -"What do you need from the store?" Lindee speaks. -"Wait, what's U.T.I?" Lindee says some more as I snicker in the background. -"Oh....ok....I'll get some stuff for you." And then they keep talking about other things. After my dad gets off the phone I start laughing and he goes "What?" and I just make fun of him. We had to go to three different stores before we found the medicine she requested and all the while my dad keeps saying we need to get medicine for her 'P.T.I.' and thinking she needs condoms and yeast infection medicine. Thank God I was there, otherwise she would have gotten stuff to cure a yeast infection she doesn't have and have her suffer through U.T.I. Now I'm conflicted. Moon Over The Freeway is growing on me, yet I have a soft spot for The Ditty Bops. 27 answers| Question

Don't you hate it? [27 Feb 2007|08:30pm] [ music | No Ordinary Love - Deftones with Jonah ] Don't you hate it when someone corrects you in class and they're dumber than you? Or when the teacher calls on you and the dumb student sitting right next to you whispers the answer in an irritated voice because you're still trying to process the question that was asked of you five seconds ago? Yeah, well there is this one person who does that and for some reason, only does it to me. It's French. I have never seen her getting anything higher than a "C" in that class and I have an "A", so if I were her I'd shut her goddamn mouth. I'm so tempted to say something sarcastic like "How 'bout you answer the question?" or "Tet Toi!" (sp?) or something along the lines of that. But my teacher would just tell me to shut up. She's in AP English and I think she knows I got kicked out, so she thinks I'm dumber than her. If I know I'm stupid in the subject, I won't even say anything but to act like you're the shit when in fact you're not, now that's fucking annoying. 5 answers| Question

Friendship [07 Feb 2007|09:46pm] [ music | Sunrise, Sunset - Bright Eyes ] A friend is someone who keeps a promise. A friend is someone who leans their shoulder for you to cry on. A friend is someone who does stupid things just to make me laugh. A friend is someone who encourages me to call the jerk who dumped me a "fucking asshole". A friend is there during lunch three times a week when I'm alone and keeps me company. A friend is someone who decides to send me packages of goodies out of the blue. A friend is someone who listens to me when I'm on an emotional rant. A friend is someone who will call me and do whistle calls and funny noises to get me to laugh. A friend is someone who appreciates my ass. A friend is someone who I can see throw up and not get grossed out, but rather one who I wanted to help. A friend is someone who accepts all of my flaws and thinks there is "absolutely nothing wrong with you". I learned a lot about friendship this year and this weekend I learned to appreciate the people I do have in my life. Everyone else can go fuck off. 28 answers| Question

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]