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[ July 22nd, 2008 | 7:53am ] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 worried |
] |
Today I gotta take Erica to have a biopsy. Gosh I hope it isn't cancer. =( I'm about to go stir crazy just waiting on today to roll around. It's kinda funny now think I think of how stressed everything ELSE makes me... and now when it really matters everything else feels like nothing. I really hope it isn't anything serious. Gosh I really hope it isn't. I'm so scared. I know she is too, all I can do is just pray I guess... which is exactly what I've been doing... praying and praying and praying. =( My heart feels like it's going to stop. My throat is dry. My eyes are swollen and painful from crying so much. My head hurts also. Shew..... =(
|
| worried =( |
[ July 21st, 2008 | 9:47am ] |
I'm really worried about Erica... Yesterday she went to the hospital because she thought her boob was bitten by a spider or something like that....
it might be cancer. =(
|
| ~+~Songs~+~ |
[ June 2nd, 2008 | 4:22am ] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 musical |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
yep |
] |
Songs that I don't want to forget. *+adds+*
"Close Call" -by- Rilo Kiley
"StraightJacket" , "Citizen Of The Planet" -by- Alanis Morissette
"Tri-Me" , "Big Bang" -by- Abby Ahmad (rare songs but she has myspace!)
"Not What You Think" , "The Days" , "I Am" -by- Killing Heidi
"I'd Die For You" , "Fragile" , "Wonder" -by- Megan McCauley
"Snakes" -by- No Doubt
"Hello (Rock Remix)" -by- Poe
"Geisha Dreams" -by- Rollergirl
"Jealous Girls" , "Your Mangled Heart" -by- The Gossip
"Santa Monica" -by- Theory of a Deadman
"Say So" , "Explode" , "Not a Love Song" -by- Uh Huh Her
"Unsaid Warning" , "Dip" , "Overfire" , "Need To Destroy" -by- T.H.C.
"Left Outside Alone" -by- Anastasia
"Displaced" -by- Azure Ray
"Youth Of America" -by- Birdbrain
"Drip Drip Drip" , "Hail Mary" -by- Chumbawamba
"I Wish" -by- Drain S.T.H.
"Mouth" -by- Merrill Bainbridge
"Land Down Under" cover -by- Pennywise
"What I Am" -by- Edie Brickell
"Tuna Fish" -by- Emiliana Torrini
"Your Rain (Rage Mix)" -by- Akira Yamaoka feat. Mary Elizabeth McGlynn
"Waiting For You" , "You're Not Here" -by- Mary Elizabeth McGlynn
"We Haven't Turned Around" , "Make No Sound" -by- Gomez
"Close Your Eyes" -by- Jump Little Children
"Nothing But You" -by- Kim Ferron
--misc./rap--
"Break the Ice" -by- Britney Spears Ft Fabulous
"We Takin Over" -by- DJ Khaled, R Kelly, T-Pain, Lil Kim
"Elevator" -by- Flo Rida ft. Timberland
"Chick Habbit" -by- April March
"Lollipop (Remix)" -by- Lil Wayne, Gabriel Antonio
"Turn Off The Light (Remix)" -by- Nelly Furtado Ft. Timberland
"Bojangles" -by- Pitbull
"Push It (Remix)" -by" Pretty Ricky
|
| SWEET! |
[ May 14th, 2008 | 7:39pm ] |
|
found me a nirvana layout..! woo!
|
| destroyed myself |
[ May 9th, 2008 | 9:14pm ] |
|
I sat in my car listening, aware of the biological amplifier in my head. Silence breaking through to my consciousness. Cluttered thoughts bombarding our prefrontal cortex. I felt like my ears would begin seeping blood if I didn't hear something, Anything. I rolled down my window to listen to nature play a song. I felt intrusive on their symphony, with their legs of miniature violins and chipped harmonics. Something hit the side of my car so I turned on my radio. The knot in my throat defused. The trees looming before me cast dark shadows around. If it weren't for the solitary street lamp night would eclipse it all. My jotted scribbles would become illegible nothings as dawn creeps in. The stars hide from the Earth tonight. Leaving nothing to wish upon or to be guided by. Only that bulb on a pole. I'm tired of belonging to absolute nothingness. Dreams fading all too far away. Turned pages remain ageless. Recollections remain livid in my pen unable to speak what I wish to you. The seas falling from the sky onto my window. Ill by weakness, paralyzed by fear. Eyes locked by the burden I bare upon my shoulders. Inevitably forgotten faces with heart shaking hands.
|
| tarot |
[ March 14th, 2008 | 12:30pm ] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 restless |
] |
1----
Nyd
in the Querent position.
Represents the querent and the question, as well as the primary influences surrounding him or her. A court card here might refer to the querent or some dominant person.
The Nyd card foreshadows stress and difficulty; however, the incentive is available to turn this stressful situation to your advantage and therefore provide freedom ("no pain, no gain"). Nyd may indicate that personal needs are not being fulfilled. For example, if you have been very busy, perhaps you have overlooked the need for rest and relaxation, or a playful time is in order.
2----
Eh
in the Subconscious Mind position.
Along with the next card, represents the subconscious mind of the querent. Gives information on the hidden influences which effect, but are not detected by the querent.
The Eh card can predict an agreement being made that will benefit both the parties involved. A time of cooperation and joining activity is at hand, which will have far-reaching benefits. You should maintain trust and harmony; you have the capacity for working in partnership with others at this time. Your efforts, when combined with those of another, will make more effective headway.
3----
Algiz - Reversed
in the Subconscious Mind position.
Along with the previous card, represents the subconscious mind of the querent. Gives information on the hidden influences which effect, but are not detected by the querent.
Algiz reversed says you are in an unprotected and vulnerable situation. Defense against destructive influences is not effective at this time, and you should become an active participant in your personal safety. Consider taking a break and practicing some meditation work to alleviate your discomfort.
4----
Lagus
in the Conscious Mind position.
Along with the next card, represents the conscious mind of the querent. Gives information on the thoughts and feelings of the querent toward the nature of the question (which may or may not be in harmony with cards 2 & 3).
The Lagus card represents the emotional and imaginative aspects of life. You are open to intuitive feelings at this time, and are growing more sensitive to subtle and hidden undercurrents. Lagus also indicates things unseen but felt. Trust your gut reactions.
5----
Ur - Reversed
in the Conscious Mind position.
Along with the previous card, represents the conscious mind of the querent. Gives information on the thoughts and feelings of the querent toward the nature of the question (which may or may not be in harmony with cards 2 & 3).
If this card falls reversed, weakness and lack of determined effort may be indicated. An obstacle could be in your way. Perhaps there is an inability to tackle down-to-earth problems, undermining your security in life. There could be a lack of will power, where your ability fails to bring luck to an enterprise.
6----
Asa - Reversed
in the Past position.
Along with the next card, this card sheds light on the querent's past. Indicates past events or influences which relate to the current question or problem.
Asa reversed indicates that there is a problem with ignorance and lack of inspiration. It is possible that unless you change tactics now in the situation at hand, disaster could ensue. Look out for bad advice from someone who has a hidden agenda, and watch out for gossip that denigrates your position at work or in family matters.
7----
Thorn - Reversed
in the Past position.
Along with the last card, this card sheds light on the querent's past. Indicates past events or influences which relate to the current question or problem.
Thorn reversed may mean that defenses may be poor and chaotic, and unfriendly influences may surround you. Progress may be hampered, and there could be individuals or energies who seek to restrict you, or set blockages in your path. Thorn reversed always indicates that you should be cautious in what you think, say, or do. Move carefully regarding the issue at hand.
8----
Isa - Reversed
in the Final Outcome position.
Along with the next card, this card represents the final outcome or potential future events or influences.
Isa reversed may mean that stagnation and excessive introspection are inhibiting you. Apathy and absence of motivation are the result of inner blockage that must be dealt with.
9----
Cen - Reversed
in the Final Outcome position.
Along with the previous card, this card represents the final outcome or potential future events or influences.
If Cen is reversed, you are in a self-imposed cocoon. You choose to see the darkness rather than seek the light. Cen reversed is destructive energy at work, breaking things down. Cen reversed may mean that you are allowing others to take control of your life because you do not wish to deal with the truth of the situation.
10----
Man - Reversed
in the Outside Forces and Psychological Implications position.
This is the crossover card from past to future. This indicates the psychological implications on the querent or the actions he/she will take in making whatever decision may be necessary. It may also indicate forces operating beyond the control of the querent to which he/she must adapt.
Man reversed indicates that alienation and underachievement are posing problems. You may be experiencing disorder and misdirection in life. There is an inability to relate to others, and difficulties in social integration are present. Unfulfilled potential lies behind this, perhaps aggravated by an uncongenial career environment.
|
| Happy Thanksgiving. =) |
[ November 22nd, 2007 | 4:52am ] |
|
Happy Thanksgiving. =)
|
|
[ September 5th, 2007 | 10:25pm ] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
Well... I build my self up and knock myself down. A cloud looms above me conrtantly raining down. I open my mouth and lightining hits me knocking me down again. Im tired of closing my eyes and pretending. I dont want to chase dreams when i dont deserve them. If only...
|
|
[ September 3rd, 2007 | 2:59am ] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Bodies ...drowning pool |
] |
Chewed up. Spit out
|
|
[ August 15th, 2007 | 3:07pm ] |
|
|
[ August 2nd, 2007 | 6:36pm ] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sleepy |
] |
I'm so tired... i filled out stupid paperwork all day long. I can barley hold my eyes open. I've did so many tests.. including pissing in a cup.. and I just want to go home and crash! I start sat. I'm going to be working at this mines. hehe Me in a hard hat and some coverall's. Thats going to be interesting.
I went to the DMV and got a new liscense .. because mine was in pieces.. also.. i have to get ANOTHER one.. but a renual because my b-day is in 27 more days! (& almost Thadious's b-day too) Hastle hastle hastle. Well.. I ordered some Sarah Vowell books here at the library. =) I love her.. she's a wonderful author.
oh.. Vote yes on the 11Aug.. I dunno.. but I got a cute cup holder thingie out of it. lol no, I really dont care about the Table games in Kanawah county. *shrugs.*
I beat Resident Evil 4 on Professionaly mode.. and got this new weapon called the P.R.L. ?somenumberhere? Laser Cannon. It rockes.
sleeyp.
|
| From the motion picture "Patch Adems" .. I dunno who its by tho... |
[ July 26th, 2007 | 7:31pm ] |
|
I do not love you as if you were a salt rose or topaz. For the air o'er you carnations that fire shoots off. I love you as certian dark things are to be loved in secrete 'tween the shadows. I love you without knowing how or when or from where. I love you straight forwardly without complexities or pride. I love you because I know no other way than this. So close that your hand on my chest is my hand. So close that when you close your eyes I fall asleep.
|
| Dirt |
[ July 26th, 2007 | 6:34pm ] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 lazy |
] |
The lashes of my eyes are covered in dust like a broom's bristles, flustered. Remove the plug. A letter to none. Melodies sound not to deaf ears, Will you hear me then. As my thoughts fade, so do my words.
Under flesh, crawl. Underground, claw.
Just dirt under my nails.
|
|
[ July 12th, 2007 | 6:28pm ] |
I don't know what I did to my neck but it hurts soooo fucking badly. I can't really move it to the right and It hurts to just be sitting up. =( I think I messed it up cuz the other night I was watching Friends (I'm on season 4 I think now?) I was laying crooked or something ... blah. It's been like this for a couple of days now.
I seen 1408. It was a good movie. =)
I'm at the library.. so I can't really talk. =( makes me sad.. blah blah blah
death to ants.
|
| days dayz daze dazed |
[ June 25th, 2007 | 7:31am ] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nervous |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Greedy Fly" -by- Bush |
] |
Today...
I'm going to go get signed up on H.U.D. I HOPE!! *knock on wood* I guess i'm going to get one in Charleston. Lots of jobs & bus line. One day I'll have a car. One day I'll have a life. lol
One day. not today. just a start.
|
|
[ June 23rd, 2007 | 9:37am ] |
Well, I have nothing to do. I couldnt sleep last night. My stomache hurt. =( + sleeping on a FEMA mattress.. is just doing marvolious thing for my back. UM NO. it hurts. I couldnt bend over, then an evil dog lives in this house.. I fed it cheese so it would stop barking at me, goddamn thing. I prefer my kittys so much better. That dog.. is satan. I started watching Xena. =) I've never watched the first few eps.. well and not THAT many after. Just whenever i'm up at 6am and randomly before. I love it. That show is so great. I watched at ep. the other day where it was present day and blah blah blah and somehow Xena's and Joxer (I dunno how to spell ole dudes name so..) souls switched.. and Gabby and Xena were married. (but she was in Joxers body.) It was crazy. lol Then they fought Ares and her soul got put in the right body yadi yadi yadi.
I like pepsi.
|
| Xmas |
[ December 23rd, 2006 | 11:08pm ] |
|
Merry Christmas everybody.. <3ash
|
| a funny song i heard once |
[ December 23rd, 2006 | 10:55pm ] |
-Santa's Elves:
"Ho ho fucking ho what a crock of shit
we all work for santa clause we've had enough we quit
'Cause we do all the fuckin' work while he stars in the show
So stick your Christmas up your ass Ho Ho fucking Ho!
|
|
[ December 12th, 2006 | 11:52pm ] |
It's almost Xmas!! =)
Happy Holidays everybody!! =)
|
|
[ December 4th, 2006 | 5:59pm ] |
I'm bored... And my computer is a piece of shit... it has a short in the back of it where the charging cord goes.. so if I want to get online.. I have to hold the cord in a certian spot.. otherwise it dies on me.. =(
If I could find my day planner thing.... I would call and order one.. (It would make my creit score better possibly) Its pointless of us to even have internet right now =( gah.. Neither of us have jobs right now... I actually went for an interview at Budget... but someone else got it. so... that blows.. and I failed the post office test. goddamn. I dunno what i'm doing anymore. I DO NOT want a job at fast food.. (EVER again) No. I'm actually going to take an app down to Movie Gallery.. cuz I never did. So.. I guess we'll see how that goes. blah.
2% left on my battery.. so I guess thats all 4 now.
I'm going to go finish watching Dexter. (awesome show.)
|
| Limbo Hell |
[ October 26th, 2006 | 11:10am ] |
It seems that I have lost all control over my life. I am deeply unhappy. It also seems as if everything... big-small-there-not... angers me. The spiral downward begins to take over me yet again. I feel like my depression has turned into hatred.
I loathe this feeling that is sitting on my chest. It is beginning to suffocate me, like a plastic bag forming a glove of asphyxiation, ducktaped around my neck. I can't breathe anymore. My body flails around trying to regain control. All that I wat is some sort of grasp. Reaching, begging in my mind for some kind of level ground. I find an uneven, misshapen, slippery cliff... and all I can do is fall. Jagged is the bottom below. Although it seems as if I can never reach it. Caught in my own limbo.
|
| movies movies.. and movie gallery maybe?? |
[ October 23rd, 2006 | 9:04pm ] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Sadartha -by- Pagoda |
] |
The past couple of days I have watched The Omen, The Breakup, and Lake House. I LOVED THE LAKE HOUSE!! I think its the best little romantic movie sense Sleepless in Seattle!!! Or some other sappy shit like Titanic or something... no no no.. i got it, THE NOTEBOOK! lol.. ok.. it was just a really good movie!! =) The Omen was okay I guess. The breakup.. well.. as expected.. it blowed a little. Melannie went up to her moms day b4 yesterday and picked up her brother and he stayed all night.. we play monopoly (I Won!! haha) and life (oh i won again!) Both the spongebob edition.. because lets face it.. spongebob is pretty damn cool! :) I want to watch The Wild? I dunno why.. but I do. Did I mention that I watched Dane Cook's movie Employee of the Month.. its pretty good. Funny I guess. His stand up Comedy was REALLY funny! I hadnt laughed so hard in a while. Wanda Sykes's new one is pretty good as well.. well.. I dunno what im going to do today. I'm filling out an application for the Movie Gallery. Lets see what kind of goodness comes out of that?? I know I can get lots of free movie rentals!!! YAY!! lol Well.. i'm going to go rearrange the bedroom.. I already did the living room a couple of days ago. shew... I wish Melannie would let me talk her into movie into her mom's trailer. (I despise her mom..) but still.. It's not beside her anymore.. they moved it down the road.. and all we would have to pay on it a month is Lot rent!!! ($125) and we pay $400 here just for rent.. and that ISNT including utilities. grr..its fucking stupid. I could be saving up for a car.. or a fucking house or something.. she could be saving up to go back to college.. but it doesnt matter... she's not having that ... not even to think about. I think its crazy.. because we have that option now. =( ahh well.. fuck it. x-0ut-x
|
|
[ October 17th, 2006 | 4:08am ] |
|
I GOT MY LIVEJOURNAL BACK!!! YES YES YES!! I AM SOOOO HAPPY RIGHT NOW ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY..!! (how long has this one been lost!!) shew!! I even got my email back!! fuckin a man!!
|
|
[ June 2nd, 2005 | 12:36am ] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 stressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Everlong" -by- Foo Fighters |
] |
The thing about journals. Sometimes I hate them.. but it helps me so much. Gawddamnit. Words... what can I say about words. When you write something in a private entry it's usually something fucking PERSONAL [not necessarily "Hidden" but just kept] I say things I don't mean all the time. I'm one who writes it down to. When someone gets your password and reads how you've actually felt, either pissed off or not, its going to hurt. That's why there is a LINE of privacy that shouldn't be crossed. Or a threshold of air.. fuck I don't know. Criticism.. blah blah blah.. Sometimes people blow shit out of proportion. Misunderstand. Then wonder why I keep my journal private. THAT'S FUCKING WHY! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! I mean... come on. If I didn't care... why the FUCK WOULD I BE HERE?! HELLO.. Ok..
But really that's the thing I hate about passwords and journals and emails.. and all that shit. [Little black book] of the sort. Whatever? I don't know what I'm supposed to say.. except I'm never giving anyone my passwords again. It's just fucking drama and trouble that isn't even really needed to be there.. because it's usually something that doesn't even matter when you write it.. or it does or you're pissed off, so fuck that shit.
|
|
[ June 1st, 2005 | 5:31pm ] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"When I Come Around" -by- Green Day |
] |
We woke up this morning and we all went down to 'Big Rock' it was fun. Brian, Ivy, Rick, Josh, and everybody where down there. James was up yesterday, all day/night. I just stayed up on the bank today.. screw that water, its to damn cold right now. They pulled me in yesterday though. It was fun though. They were after this enormous fish today. After I got back I swam in the their pool for a little while. It was pretty cold to. I didn't stay in for about 5 mins. :)
I'm having such a fun time down here. Whatever though its all good. :)]\
Plus I have a place "Over in Williamson" well.. one in Matewan to. But The place in Williamson would be mine. Woo! This is great. yes... yes it is.
|
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draggongrl's journal