uhm

well, as you may noticed I'm pratically on a hiatus-time thingie.

Just to let you know this is my first visit on LJ in like...one week or so? Probably yes.

Aside some stuff in the last entries this last month is like deeper, neverending general SHIT =.=
I really thought back in time that my life was gonna change or something...but in the end is still the same, fucking old-song-and-dance.

Yep, I'm probably depressed or something. Or this is only the severe "clash of reality", which hit me hard this time to made my brain pretty dead.

I want to find a solution for all this, if there's one.
If not I guess I'll see you guys around in the future. Well as things are now I'm not really sure about it either =/

Take care everyone =)

"Noein Complete DVD Collection is running out of stock here at archonia.com."

Okay, I don't know if this really true 'cause sometimes I have the feeling that archonia is doing it out of marketing strategies...but if it is I'm going to break my plan of saving up money for the greater good and buy the dvd plus some other stuff.

Also I want this one. Pretty ecchi one isn't? I just love Ryoumo, her bandages and chains XD

Nah, I'm just some kind of pervert sometimes, really =x

Now on thinking about IF and HOW MUCH spend for this madness...

this entry agreed with isabelgou's statement of some entries ago:

adult life= teh sucks.

first months of this year are blurgh. I feel grumpy, cranky and utterly envious of everyone's else lifes.

end of rant I guess =.=

Last Friday evening I've received this call from a jobplace and I went for an interview this afternoon.

And damn, it was one hell of a place: they made graphics stuff and merchandise for events and such also they're connected to various stuff as italian television, Vodafone and Universal oO so I went like "okay, this is some kind of horrible joke..."

Interview went...well? I'm not that sure of it...especially because the girl I talked with was a beauty and she was tall. Probably some of you already know that I feel kinda "scared" of tall women, so I was agitated.

Ah well, I still did it, brought in my drawing and we talked a bit. This place is so far away from my home and took like one hour for getting here by public services of all sorts (one hour long trip for a 15 minutes interview, wow)

And here I'm with massive headache but with the pleasure of the first episode of the second season of Code Geass. loss of memory wtf oO

this entry normally would have the same contents as the previous (like angst, rants and craps) so I'll tell you something really interesing instead:

rumors says that Marylin Manson is going for a sex change oO

Boredom is a dangerous thing, really XD

Mom, I wonder which kind of use have the TV if you're sleeping soundly =/
so I had the great idea to turn it off and she was like "what the hell are you doing? Keep the TV tun on!"

WTF, what's the deal having the TV on for like 2-3 hours without anyone watching it and you sleeping like fuck? I can't understand woman =.= probably she willingly to pay an higher electric bill =/ well not with my money anyway.

don't trick poor Bleach fans putting up a torrent of 'THe Diamonddust Rebellion", made them wait for the dowload to finish just to find out that's not the real thing (it was a baseball match! Reminds me of Lucky Star when Konata rants about matches getting late causing the general fail of the anime schedule XDDD)

Also Shakugan No Shana II is finished with ep.24...which made me pretty...blah. I don't know, I don't really like the ending. I was expecting way more Yoshida's dramas maybe :x the end was just cheery all over. Oh well >> SNS wasn't a tragic show to beign with I guess *nods happily thinking of Carmel-san who is made of awesome*

This period is killing me inside, really. It's like being trapped in a corner without any way out. The more you struggle, the more it gets close.

I'm sad, lonely and pretty near to a general breakdown.

I can't find a new, more interesing job even if I'm at full search since September (on an higher note I've received all the most absurd offers and replies to various jobplaces).
I'm nearly a total stop with my writings or better I'm in the endless void of editing since I have too much material at the moment so write something new seems pretty useless to me. Also I have absolutely no reason why to do so. Same goes as comics and so on.
Also I'd like to know more and more people that shares my interests and such. But how can you meet new people if you're an antisocial bastard by nature DX even if you try to seek some sort of tardive redemption they simply avoid you all the time, 'cause you know, you're 'bad' and so on.
Uh, well...love you said? What's it that thing again? I haven't really felt love or loved in the last five-six years. But again, I can't help it.

Yep, in short I feel cold, hopeless and helpless about all this stuff. I bet I'll die old and alone fishing in the river by my home, with a cat or a dog, or maybe both.

oh dear: Easter and also the little spring holiday went by in a flash. The only thing I did was sleeping soundly like 15 hours at day. No, I'm not lying at all. I was bored and socially unable so I went visiting my dreams for the longest time possible.

Anyhow the clash with reality yesterday morning was like ARGH and huge amount of hate for the sunrays. Also yesterday was shit, today so-so (still shitty) so I hope for a normal tomorrow.

Also...dear people who mailed me today: how the hell did you get my curriculum and what about this job for promoting a (mostly illegal I guess) journal against the government? Which is also pretty dumb since we don't have one right now, so how can you go against it >>? meeeh, at least it was funny even though scares the hell out of me thinking that my curriculum is interesing for such people and for promote such activities =/

archonia.com is getting on my poor nerves lately with all the beautfiul adds on in its catalogue and now is giving discounts for figures (even 35-40% off oO)...

damn, I need to save money, you just can't do that T_T *pokes archonia staff*

also new dvd collections as Speed Grapher and Noein T_T ME WANTS

...I guess I won't visit the site until the time is right to BUY >>

there's something that's bugging me since last friday.

my boss at my daily work of doom came in and we had a chat about preparing some serious job-contract (nothing was specified about this 'serious' matter anyway, nor pay or the time of the contract)

but basically what's bugging me it's that they're going to propose me this serious thing only if I accept a full-time schedule which is seriously dangerous for my magazine-work matters. Oh yep, if I don't accept this full-time offer they'll probably fire me or something.

I don't really want to leave magazine work aside, at least not now that's start getting interesing but my parents and friends are all over me like "damn you just can't leave alone if at your jobplace are going to offer you a serious contract".

yeah, I could both take a full-time work AND magazine work even if I'll have like...2-3 hours left for sleeping? I'll go mad in one month.

Anyway I'm going to wait and see for myself if this 'serious' offer will ever happen in this lifetime (my boss sometimes speaks without thinking though) but I really have to think about it. Lose my daily job for keep magazine's one? Do both and die in torment? Find another job aka start job-hunting all over again after 3 years of continous employement?

I really don't know right now =/

between deadline, work and other massive destruction matters I'm not paying LJ the right attention lately. And I'm really impressed that no one de-friended me by now XDD I'm becoming a LJ-ghost or something like that.

But people I'm reading your entries everytime it's possible for me to do so but I'm way too brainless to write comments at the time (yeah, net-zombie to the maximum on 3 am in the morning DX)

also my brian is damaged due the impressive geeky stuff that archonia.com keeps dragging into its catalogue. My wishlist is exploding with figures, illustration books and complete dvd collections: the will of ME-WANT is killing me slowly.

time to get up my ass and get rid of all te garbage I have on the floor. seems that I'm living in an hikikomori's life sometimes

PS: isabelgou you're going to be an extremly lovely Rei, I want you to perform Rei cosaply but...a Rei with massive bandages will be sooo good :D

I really don't know what to do to be really happy lately. I'm wondering if I'm that hard to be satisfied about my life and all.

My situation isn't bad: I have job, money, a good family and also usually someone will be pretty satisfied about writing for his favorite magazine ever as an add on. I love to do so many stuff too.

But how come that I always want MORE of everything? This a feeling which can't help: since I was a child I want more and more of everything. I'm pretty sure that even if I would be the king of the world I won't be satisfied yet, and aim for the entire universe instead.

I really want to stop this spiral before it's too late.

The lack of that goddammit love-thingie is really the reason why I'm like this? I thoght about it some many times but probably isn't the key for my whole set of manias but it'd chemical helpful in a way.

Bleachy lovely layout up on! :DD Not made by me, but it's nice, and black! :p

anyhow, I guess that's right to be a little pissed when people just ignore on purpose some lines of your talking, especially if there are the main ones DX

blah, off to do something.

Also, today was sunny and hot like July outside. What the hell weather oO? I'm not ready for summer yet DX

sometimes I try to imagine me as a sunny and cheery person.

And that's not need to tell you that I'm always scary of the result *-*

That was a strange weekend: I really had quite few time for myself. Anyway I went social yesterday night attending a party with like 20 people.

I'm in wonder with myself, really XD