| When Tim Russert entered the Men's Room, Chuck Norris would sit down to pee. |
[Jun. 15th, 2008|01:46 am] |
I'm pretty sure I've mentioned my father's news addiction before. In case I haven't, the TV schedule in the living room goes like this:
6 AM - 7 PM: Various news programs, many of which are napped through, but God help anyone who wants to watch something else.
7 PM - 10 PM: A WWII movie, or on rare occasions, a Biblical film.
10 PM - 11 PM: Flipping between Letterman & Leno, mainly for the monologues.
So, for those who haven't been listening to news set at Old People Volume the past two days, Tim Russert, host of Meet The Press, died of a heart attack on Friday. Thus every news program since then has been a "Remembering Tim Russert" special. Based on snippets of what I've heard, I've composed the following obituary:
Tim Russert was born 17 feet tall. His breakfast every morning consisted of several thousand flapjacks, cooked on a griddle so big that children with sides of bacon strapped to their feet would skate around it to grease it.
Russert was best known for single-handedly freeing the slaves and tracking down and killing John Wilkes Booth before he invented television, which he did when he and his big blue ox wrassled a tornado and trapped it in a box. That's what actually makes static on your TV.
Russert died this Friday when Bin Laden shrunk an army of terrorists down to microscopic size and entered his body to assault his heart directly. His heart managed to kill 200 of the terrorists, but in the final duel with Bin Laden, they struck each other a mortal blow.
Tim Russert is survived by his 150 wives and every man, woman, and child born in the state of Texas, all of whom may claim direct descent to him.
I guess if I have a point to make, it is this: If any of my friends are in broadcasting, for God's sake, don't die on a Friday! |
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| In other news... |
[Jun. 3rd, 2008|11:12 am] |
Decided that the current Movie Meme in lulafortune's journal is far too long for me to do in this lifetime, so I'll pass on this one.
Except to say that for the question "Who would play the villain in your movie," the answer would be "Chuck Woolery as Himself."
WOOOOOLLLLLEEEEERRRRYYYYY!!!!! |
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| Yeah, definitely nothing for me in Alaska now. |
[Jun. 3rd, 2008|10:36 am] |
The person that I've described as my best friend in the world has been avoiding me for about a year now. After getting this shit out with Andrea, decided it was time to have it out with her too. Turns out to be the same bullshit Andrea was spouting: That I dare to regard her kids as friends of mine in their own right.
She got upset that I'd be upset about that, just like Andrea did. So, told her to fuck off just like Andrea can. I'm done with people treating me like a monster, then getting upset that I DARE to be pissed off about it. Maybe they shouldn't have treated me like a monster to begin with.
It appears that when I go, I'll have a lot of burnt bridges behind me. That's looking more and more like it's for the best. The last time I left this state, I felt I had nothing to come back to. I was fooled into thinking that wasn't true. This time, I'll know it absolutely. |
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| Need to get the fuck out of Alaska. |
[Jun. 2nd, 2008|11:32 pm] |
These past couple weeks of not smoking and needing some kind of human support from, like, actual friends who're around me and stuff, and realizing I don't actually HAVE any of those has shown me that there's nothing for me here.
I've had to cut Andrea out of my life because I knew she wouldn't give me that kind of support from the beginning, but hoped I could still visit her kids that I love like they're my own, because that's the only place I knew I could get the kind of warming-the-heart friendship I need at this point. She decided to tell me I was creepy and then did her usual thing of getting all indignant that I would dare to have a reaction to that. So I'm done bothering her.
So, yeah, I need to escape back to Seattle. I've got a doctor's appointment on Wednesday, will ask how soon it would be possible to get this surgery done, then I'm done with this place and all the fucking assholes in it. |
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| Hey, I'm alive! |
[May. 23rd, 2008|03:24 am] |
Trying to quit smoking. 3 days in now, see how that goes.
I don't really want to be one of those "It's been 4 days, 6 hours, and 22 minutes since my last cigarette" people, because they annoy everyone and sound like they're on a telethon. |
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| iSigh |
[Jan. 22nd, 2008|02:35 pm] |
A friend's talking about getting an iPhone, and everyone else on this little mailing list we're both on is doing their usual iWanking about it.
Maybe Apple MIGHT be the greatest fucking company in the universe, and maybe I SHOULD get excited over Steve Jobs' every bowel movement like everyone else, but I just can't look past the whole "It's not a computer, it's a WAY OF LIFE!" thing about Apple crap.
I think this guy's summed it up well:
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=macs_cant |
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| In the criminal justice system, shit like this just plain shouldn't happen. |
[Jan. 18th, 2008|05:55 am] |
Ok, the credibility of SVU has been stretched to the bursting point. I'm watching the episode where they find out this girl at a middle school's reported a rape and it leads them to discovering what a Rainbow Party is.
So, Fin and Munch come up and question these little shitheels (They're 14-year old boys on an episode of SVU, so that statement might've been redundant.) and one gets all like "I feel ya, dawg" at Fin.
Now, I don't care if it's not really SUPPOSED TO BE him but a character being PLAYED by him, but if some skinny little whitebread shitheel says "I feel ya, dawg" to Ice-T, that should be like Opening the Ark of the Covenant there. Ya know, it seems real cool for a second, but then his face melts and he explodes. Or maybe drinking from the False Grail. It deserves some kind of Indiana Jones villain "something mystical reaches out and fucking obliterates him" punishment. |
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| Ok, something worth posting about. |
[Jan. 18th, 2008|04:16 am] |
I recently found out that the person who turned a group of my friends against me and had me cast out has had to have a large portion of her reproductive system removed.
I find some cosmic justice there. She wanted to be a cunt, and now her pussy's rotted out.
La Ti Da. |
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| This was a triumph. I'm making a note here: Huge Success. |
[Dec. 29th, 2007|09:21 pm] |
So, yeah. Still Alive.
Afraid not much happens to me these days, so rather than just post a whole lot of "Nothing happened" entries, tend not to post at all. |
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| Everything I Need To Know, I Learned From Watching Deadwood. |
[Aug. 5th, 2007|08:51 am] |
1. You can't cut the throat of every cocksucker whose character it would improve.
2. There's a horse waiting for you outside you'll want to get on before somebody murders you who gives a fuck about right and wrong... or I do.
3. I'd rather be lucky than smart.
4. I'm drunk. Correct. What the fuck is it to you?
5. Those that doubt me... suck cock by choice.
6. In life you have to do a lot of things you don't fucking want to do. Many times, that's what the fuck life is... one vile fucking task after another.
7. You would not want to be staring like that at me.
8. Sayin' questions in that tone and pointin' your finger at me will get you told to fuck yourself.
9. Be in my joint in two hours, we're forming a fuckin' government.
10. If I bleat when I speak it's because I just got fuckin' fleeced.
11. "Be brief." "Be fucked!"
12. Maybe I will have a fuckin' drink, for sociability's sake and 'cause I'm a fuckin' drunk.
13. I am a sinner that does not expect forgiveness. But I am not a government official.
14. Them what gets cured by Calamity Jane STAYS fuckin' cured!
15. Tread lightly who lives in hope of pussy.
16. Here's my counteroffer to your counteroffer: Go fuck yourself.
17. You can do all your drinking during non-work hours like I do.
18. Announcing your plans is a good way to hear god laugh.
19. You've really got to learn how to show interest in a girl without murdering another person.
20. Fuck us all anyway, for the limber dicked cocksuckers we are. |
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| Yeah, nothing much happens to me. |
[Jul. 4th, 2007|01:07 am] |
Nearly two months, guess I should say some stuff.
Back with my parents. The not-being-with-them thing ended, and I screwed it up and the friend I was living with hates me now. Ya know, standard stuff.
On another note, picked up the new Harry Potter game for the 360.
No, you CAN'T use Wingardium Leviosa on Hermione's skirt. I tried already. |
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| Checking out D&D Online. |
[May. 9th, 2007|01:56 am] |
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So, maybe it's the decades of DMing experience talking, but nothing says "Check for traps" to me like "Corpse of previous adventurer in middle of corridor." |
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| Stop! Meme time! |
[Apr. 13th, 2007|06:16 pm] |
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If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want -- good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you. |
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| Was there a weekend just recently? |
[Apr. 3rd, 2007|01:25 pm] |
Had a dental emergency on Thursday. Painkillers and antibiotics kept me in and out of consciousness since then. This is my first lucid day.
What'd I miss? |
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| What I get for not being around, I guess. |
[Mar. 19th, 2007|11:43 am] |
Nobody's noticed my birthday. Guess that's fair. I've got a parent in the hospital for it again this year. My dad caught the flu and it made his asbestosis even worse. They've got it under control now, but they keep saying his blood oxygen level isn't high enough to be released yet.
So yeah, that's the day thus far. Going to 300 later tonight. How's everyone else? |
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| It's Lost Planet night on Xbox Live! |
[Feb. 10th, 2007|10:54 pm] |
They specifically said they're doing it for "People who'll be alone on Valentine's Day," and since the holiday exists for the sole purpose of further mocking me, I guess they mean me, so I tried it.
I'm aware that humanity is a stupid, ignorant race, so I'll BUY that we've been trying for 150 years to colonize this icy rock where the temp's so cold that if you get more than 10 feet away from a space heater, you start dying.
And that we'd still try to do it if the planet was crawling with giant armor-plated bugs.
But I'd like to think that someone in the 150 years before I came along would have had the thought "Hey, let's aim for the big glowing area on their asses!" |
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| Back home now, and so's my dad. |
[Feb. 5th, 2007|04:00 pm] |
First of all, I'd like to say thanks to everyone who expressed concern.
So, Saturday, my dad was supposed to start taking Terazosin for his prostate. Terazosin is one that you start on the 1 MG, then move up to the 2 MG, then the 5 MG, and then the 10 MG. The instructions on the 2 MG bottle say "Take 1 after all the 1 MG are used," and the instructions on the 5 MG say "Take 1 after all the 2 MG are used." The instructions on the 1 MG and the 10 MG both say "Take 1 daily." So when my mom was organizing the pills for the week, she only saw those two bottles and gave him a 1 MG and a 10 MG to start with. Apparently, the pharmacy told this to my dad when he got them, but he didn't bother looking or reminding my mom (who DOES have some memory issues after a stroke a couple years ago) and just took them both together.
They were able to get him in the hospital in time, and in the process of checking his heart, found a couple of arteries that were closing and would have caused a heart attack on their own eventually and so that was a good thing. They were able to open those back up with a stint, and he's going to be taking cholesterol drugs and aspirin daily for the rest of his life, but everything's better now. When I left the house, he was having noodles with olive oil and parmesan after 3 days of hospital food.
The time with my mom was quite enjoyable too. I've been downloading a few TV shows from Xbox Live, and so brought it over and we watched a bunch of old Twilight Zone and the first 3 episodes of West Wing.
And I've decided to keep posting. I'm not blind enough to say there'll be no more of the depression crap in here, because that IS a major part of my life, and that's what I try to note down here. As far as cool things, I've started writing Angel again for a RP journal. Give them a look here: http://community.livejournal.com/angels_heroes/426.html |
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| Not quite so final. |
[Feb. 4th, 2007|07:13 am] |
I'm not gone. I'll be away a while, though.
My dad had a heart attack yesterday, so I'm going to go stay with my mom for a couple days. I'll say something soon. |
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