Debra Garfinkle's Journal
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Debra Garfinkle's LiveJournal:
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| Friday, July 25th, 2008 | | 7:31 am |
Friday Five
1. I am reading VALERIE BERTINELLI's memoir. Don't laugh or stick up your nose. Sarah Dessen just read it too, okay? And there's great dish, including details about her fling with Stephen Speilberg. She's just a few years older than me, and I used to watch One Day at a Time every week with my (divorced) mom and older sister. At the time, it was one of the only shows that didn't present a single-parent household as a tragic "broken home." And it was funny.
2. Saw the cute, cliched (female protagonist gets drunk and dances on bar; each protagonist has wacky sidekick best friend; protagonist makes reconciliation speech in front of big crowd and gets applause; final scene is a wedding) movie 27 DRESSES. I'm sorry, secret boyfriend Matt Damon, but I have to break up with you. My heart now belongs to James Marsden.
3. My agent wants me to do MORE REVISIONS on my YA manuscript. Now that I've put away the knife, gun, and poison, I really appreciate her feedback and think her suggestions are good. I think I need a few days away from it though, and plan to draft my Shiny New Manuscript instead.
4. My ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER editor told me my humor column is now in a third local paper, the Laguna Beach one. Ooh la la! Laguna Beach! It started in one local paper almost four years ago.
5. The first two SUPERNATURAL RUBBER CHICKEN books were used in a book club for boys going into fourth grade, and I was told they were a big hit. I just love, love, love when my target readers enjoy my work. | | Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008 | | 7:23 pm |
No laughing matter
I have a lot more respect for comedians after going to my second stand-up comedy class. We had to go onstage and tell the class jokes into the microphone from topics we'd prepared beforehand. I had to go first. Topics I thought I could get a lot of jokes from ended up not funny at all. Some were downright depressing. I totally bombed. But so did most of the people in the class. The teacher said that usually only half the class remains at the end of the eight-week session.
Our teacher also said that most good comics get a laugh every ten to fifteen seconds. I didn't believe him, so I went home and timed a couple of comedians. Our teacher was right. Yikes.
I try to get at least seven jokes into my 400-500-word humor column. So that would be a joke about every 65 words. I wonder how many seconds it takes to read 65 words. Probably a lot more than ten to fifteen seconds.
Note that I was the only female in the class Monday night. Single women looking for a guy with a sense of humor: Enroll in a stand-up comedy class. But don't be surprised if it's incredibly difficult.
And by the way, I love it. | | Friday, July 18th, 2008 | | 11:47 am |
Friday Five
1. Twice in the last few years, my mom played Bingo on a cruise and won the grand prize, which was a free cruise. She was on her second free cruise last week, played Bingo, and won another free cruise. Yes, she has won three free cruises in the last couple of years. The cruise line must hate her. Meanwhile, I can't win a free paperback at an SCBWI conference.
2. I don't like to waste my time. I have watched about five hours of TV all summer. That frees me up to surf the Internet sixteen hours a day.
3. My eight-year-old wanted me to make him a ham and cheese sandwich yesterday. Don't tell my rabbi. I was fine with that, until he said he wanted strawberry jelly on it too. I told him he'd have to make his own sandwich. He made two of them and ate them both.
4. Humor isn't easy to write. My revisions the last few days have consisted of struggling to make my young adult manuscript funnier.
5. The main character in my new manuscript has a dead mother. I might kill off the girl's dog too. | | Wednesday, July 16th, 2008 | | 9:29 am |
Fun interview For my millions of fans who can't get enough of me-- or at least for my mom, who beams with pride when she sees my name in the Yellow Pages-- Debbi Michiko Florence posted a short interview with me on her blog. | | Tuesday, July 15th, 2008 | | 5:01 pm |
A children's author walks into a bar...
I have woken up to reality and set aside my fantasy of being the next Meg Cabot. I now dream of being the next Sarah Silverman-- who's not only a successful stand-up comic but also has the Matt Damon factor going for her.
Last night was the first night of my eight-session stand-up comedy class. Really fun! We had to talk about our goals. I said I expect to be on Leno next week. Okay, maybe I'm getting a little ahead of myself. I'll give it to mid-August.
I'm really enjoying having a hobby. Writing used to be my hobby. I did it for years before getting paid. But worrying about deadlines, branding, promotion, sales figures, reviews, royalties, etc. has taken writing right out of the hobby zone and made it into a job. A job I love-- mostly, when I'm not hating it-- but still a job.
Now I have a no-pressure hobby. Er, no pressure until I'm bombing onstage with bad jokes and rotten tomatoes in my face.
Maybe I should have taken up knitting. | | Friday, July 11th, 2008 | | 7:42 am |
Friday Five
1. The past few days I got a revision letter from an editor on one manuscript, revision suggestions from my agent on another manuscript, and revision suggestions from a writer on a third manuscript. So, naturally, I'm writing a long blog post. Yes, I'm pathetic.
2. Does anyone else wear some clothes forever? I still wear a comfy winter nightgown my mom bought me in 1988, a T-shirt (because it's from the only race I ever ran, a 5k) from 1989, and a summery bathrobe I bought on sale from Sears in 1985. Yes, I'm pathetic.
3. Remember I was in search of a hobby? I've been baking a lot lately (and now have the tummy to prove it), and on Monday night I start taking a stand-up comedy class. Probably I'm pathetic.
4. This week, I have been driving my three children to three different morning camps in three different cities. Yes, I'm pathetic.
5. I am so proud of my Cheesecake Gang, aka the three writers I have long lunches with at the Cheesecake Factory once or twice a year. I've read their new books recently, and they're excellent. Really. I'm not even saying that because I like the authors so much. I'd like the books even if they were written by that guy who never showed up for our roller skating date in high school. Mary Pearson's THE ADORATION OF JENNA FOX is one of the most gripping, thought-provoking novels I've read in a long time. Marlene Perez's LOVE IN THE CORNER POCKET is very fun, romantic, and fast-paced, and Debbi Michiko Florence's CHINA, A KALEIDOSCOPE KIDS BOOK is fascinating, with great recipes and other activities. My friends are the opposite of pathetic. | | Sunday, July 6th, 2008 | | 11:32 pm |
58 more days til school starts
Things have gotten bad. Today I not only threatened my middle child with sleepaway camp, I threatened him with sleepaway camp at Camp Green Lake.
He just laughed.
If you have never heard of Camp Green Lake, please read HOLES, my favorite children's book. | | Friday, July 4th, 2008 | | 11:42 am |
Friday Five-- HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!
1. I forgot to blog about the American Library Association conference. It was great.
2. I forgot to blog that I turned in my young adult manuscript. It is great. Er, actually it is great to have it out of my hair and into my agent's hair.
3. I took the kids to see Wall-E. My teen and I loved it. It reminded me of 2001 A Space Odyssey. My boys (11 and 8) thought it was boring. Their complaint about the movie: "There was hardly any action and all they said was 'Wall-E' and 'Eva.'" Strange that this G-rated animated movie seems better suited for teens and adults than kids.
4. We went to a fun neighborhood parade/picnic this morning. Our Orange County, CA neighborhood is almost entirely Christian conservative Caucasian, not that there's anything wrong with that. Today we hung around our cool rabbi and a few other Jewish, liberal neighbors and joked about the Jewification of the neighborhood.
5. We're having a party tonight. Yesterday, I made deviled eggs, cole slaw, tomato-cuke salad, and two kinds of cookies. Today I'll be making pasta salad and will be done with cooking for the rest of the year. Kidding. Sort of. | | Tuesday, July 1st, 2008 | | 8:23 am |
My book's on CNN!!!!!!! Hear Andrew Oglesby, my new favorite child, even more favorite now than my own children, talk up Supernatural Rubber Chicken on CNN!!! | | 7:30 am |
A boring but possibly helpful post about writing I took notes after I critiqued manuscripts at the Florida SCBWI conference a few weeks ago, but I never got around to blogging about them. I was too busy blogging about important stuff, like my dinner and drinks experiences at the conference. Until now. Ta da!
I wish I could say something wise and unique, but the most common problems with the manuscripts-- and there were some terrific manuscripts, but I never met a manuscript I couldn't pick apart maniacally-- were problems you've probably generally read about before. Also, I'm not wise. So here goes:
1. Show, don't tell. Yeah, I know, basic. But people still write, "I felt sad" rather than "I blinked back tears," or "Katie had a great sense of humor," rather than showing Katie telling a joke. Hey, I do it too sometimes, especially when I just want to finish writing a scene or chapter and subconciously know that showing takes longer than telling. But showing really pays off by involving readers in the story.
2. Keep in mind the age group of the reader. For instance, picture book readers probably won't relate to a boy who has to take out the trash.
3. When writing description from a first person or third person close point of view, always keep in mind how the narrating character views the world. This helps establish "voice." For instance, you the author might write beautifully about a sunset, but would a teenage boy write that way about a sunset? Would he even notice the sunset?
4. If you're writing about kids or teens in the present, make sure their names are not "Debbie" or "Bobby" or other old-fashioned names.
5. Don't switch points of view more than once per scene. You the author might not be confused, but readers will be.
6. Don't tell your story meant for children from an adult POV. I know there are exceptions to this rule and every rule I mention here, but generally it doesn't work. Kids want to read about kids. Teens want to read about teens. 7. Start at the right place. Don't start with backstory. Don't start in Ashley's POV if most of the book is going to be told in Marissa's POV. Don't start with a huge event such as a championship baseball game if we don't know the characters involved in the game well enough to care which team wins.
8. A character should solve her own problem. For instance, if Danny really wants to keep a stray cat he found but his dad doesn't want to, the resolution to the story should not be that Dad decides on his own that Danny can keep it. Have Danny cleverly persuade Dad to change his mind.
9. Ground the dialogue and action in a particular setting. Where are the characters when they're speaking or wrestling or kissing? It's not enough that they're at school. Are they in the cafeteria, surrounded by their classmates? In a hallway? Outside in the snow? | | Friday, June 27th, 2008 | | 7:45 pm |
Friday Five, er Nine
What I did for Dog Edna after Teen accidentally sprayed Tacky glue on her and it didn't come out after a bath.
Researched on the Net and found bathing in laundry detergent was supposed to help.
Bathed Edna in laundry detergent. It didn't help.
Called the vet's office, who said there was nothing to do but shave her.
Researched on the Net and found Proclaim Super Bond Hair Glue Remover. Okay, my mom found it, but I confirmed it.
Called beauty supply stores until I found one that had it.
Drove to the beauty supply store and bought the Hair Glue Remover oil and shampoo.
Applied the oil and then shampooed her. Most of the glue came off, but she has bald patches now.
Applied the oil again and then shampooed her again. I think the glue is almost all off.
Shipped Teen to boarding school. Okay, not really. | | 7:35 am |
I have a feeling it's gonna be one of those days
Seven a.m. this morning, I'm revising, revising, revising. My teen comes in with the dog.
Teen: Mom, I got tacky glue on the dog.
Me: What?
Teen: I was in the bathroom, spraying my art project with tacky glue--
Me: You were spraying glue in the bathroom?
Teen: Yeah, and Edna walked in and I accidentally sprayed her.
Me: You were spraying glue in the bathroom?
Teen:
Me: We have a garage. We have a backyard.
Teen: I gave Edna a bath but the glue won't come out.
Me: Agh! | | Wednesday, June 25th, 2008 | | 9:47 pm |
ALA and throwing up
If you are going to the American Library Association conference, I'd love it if you stopped by one of my signings for the Supernatural Rubber Chicken books. I'll be in the Mirrorstone/Wizards of the Coast booth this Saturday from 11:30-12:30, and then the Random House booth from 3:00-4:00.
I'm almost done revising my young adult manuscript. I know this because I'm getting to the if-I-have-to-look-at-this-one-more-time-I'll-throw-up stage. Yay! Always a good sign! | | Friday, June 20th, 2008 | | 8:04 am |
Five things on a Friday
1. I was kinda kidding about dreading being home with the kids yesterday.
2. 74 days til school starts. ;-)
3. My publisher Mirrorstone (the children's imprint of Wizards of the Coast) sent me some Supernatural Rubber Chicken Book Club packets, which include a fun quiz about the first book, wordsearch puzzles, stickers, and a poster, among other things. I am glad this series is not my first publishing experience so that I can truly appreciate and marvel over the wonderful promotion it's getting. I know distributing thousands of ARCs and flying an author to conferences and giving away toys and such to promote a book is very rare, and I'm so happy I'm the author it's happening to!
4. Kathy Griffin's comedy special is hilarious.
5. It is 8:16 a.m. and my kids haven't argued or asked me for anything yet. Possibly a new record. | | Thursday, June 19th, 2008 | | 10:14 pm |
I survived-- barely
Yesterday was my kids' last day of school. My teen left last night for a five-night school trip to Washington D.C.. Although a part of me was terrified about having the kids home and arguing all summer, another part was looking forward to not having to wake up early and schlep them to their activities. And I assured myself that the kids wouldn't start arguing for at least another week.
My teen called at 5:50 this morning to say hello. My boys started arguing shortly thereafter. I spent a lot of time today schlepping them to friends' houses, out to eat, and karate.
Only 75 more days until school starts. | | 8:06 am |
Navel Gazing Supreme Ooh, this neat thing shows what words are used most in the young adult manuscript I'm writing.  And here are the most frequent words in the fifth Supernatural Rubber Chicken book I just turned in:  I guess I use "said" way too much. | | Friday, June 13th, 2008 | | 8:42 pm |
Friday Five
1. Baby Mama is a predictable movie, but also sweet and funny.
2. Hubby fixed the sound on my computer so I spent a ton of time on Youtube. I should break the sound system again for my own good. Except watching the Mary Tyler Moore show's Chuckles the Clown episode was heavenly.
3. The three bookstores I went to today all had lots of copies of Supernatural Rubber Chicken. I am SO happy!
4. I ate way too much at Lucille's BBQ restaurant tonight, but the fried pickles alone are worth not being able to fit in my clothes. Also the biscuits and butter. And the ribs. And the appetizer sampler plate. And the potatoes. And the... now I'm just embarrassing myself.
5. I'm revising my manuscript to make it as respectful to religious people as I can, because I'm tired of novels with religious people being the bad guys. | | Thursday, June 12th, 2008 | | 7:42 am |
Writers are the best
Thanks for all the nice comments about my Supernatural Rubber Chicken books. This sounds conceited, but I truly love them. Hey, if a writer doesn't love her own work, it's probably time to hang her hat, right? On the other hand, I can't read my work once it's published without finding a million things I wish I'd done differently.
I haven't been to any bookstores in the last few days, but online snooping leads me to believe my new books are in a lot of Borders. I hope so! Please let me know if you see them anywhere. I'm kind of scared to look.
I finished my young adult manuscript and just got critiques back from three fantastic critiquers. They all found it flawless. Kidding. But they all had great suggestions that will require effort from me but not THAT much effort. And they pretty much agreed on what needs changing in general. In particular, all three of you critiquers (all on livejournal, so I suspect you're reading this) said to get rid of the Ashes to Ashes stuff. Woo, that part really must have stunk!
I should be revising right now. Being a writer is like always having homework, eh? | | Tuesday, June 10th, 2008 | | 4:08 pm |
Today's the day!   It's official! They're out there! | | Monday, June 9th, 2008 | | 5:39 pm |
So Goofy
I spent the weekend in Orlando at the Florida SCBWI conference. My editor Nina Hess and I gave an all-day workshop on humor writing. I have spent so much time with Nina lately, despite us living about 1,000 miles apart, I think she's preparing a restraining order against me.
We also got to meet Ethan Long, illustrator for the Supernatural Rubber Chicken books. He's one of those horrible people who's not only artistically talented but charming and cute too. The nerve of him!
The Floridians were extremely nice. I discovered that roughly half the authors of children's books in Florida were mentored by Joyce Sweeney.
I also had dinner and drinks with a bunch of important agents and editors. I was very good about not pitching manuscripts to them, but made up for it in over-sharing my life. On the bright side, if any of them wants an edgy, no-holding-back memoir from a nutty writer, I will probably be the go-to gal. |
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