Date:	2005-03-23 19:02
Subject:	Weeks like these need to be outlawed.
Security:	Public
Mood:	crushed

Well, it has been an interesting week in my life; I really wish it would slow down for me. Turns out I have some things to learn about in all of life. I am slowly working myself into the ground and me self esteem and nerves are shot these days cause of some decisions I have made and my own personal demons.

I really ought to take a break from everything for a while, but I feel that I have way too many responsibilities to simply drop things and run with them. I have problems with everything in my life and nothing ever seems to work out my way. I know there are people out there who have it much worse than I do, but everyone thinks that the mountain they are climbing is the hardest one ever. The thing is, for a lot of folks it is the most difficult one yet and no one should be told their problems are nothing, inconsequential, or petty.

Basically, I need folks to pray for me, I know I need to slow down, but I am too stubborn to take care of anything but the job at hand.

Have a good Easter folks, and remember what it is all about, I have had to keep telling my self that all week.

In His Risen Name,

Date:	2005-03-16 21:30
Subject:	More Quotes
Security:	Public
Mood:	stressed

So I got a few for you folks:

"Answers are good but useless; however the right question will lead to true wisdom"

"Fun times only happen when you act like you thought you never would"

"Family is all you need, being away from them may be all you want though"

"Love is hard to do right, practice it often, use it once."


Have a good night ya'll.

Ok, those of you who know me best will know that I have a true love of quotes. The quotes that I like the best are the "proverbial" type of quote. I think my love of these comes from the condensed, distilled wisdom that you can sometimes find in them.

So in that vein, here are a few of my own, now these may be original or not, I have no problem borrowing the best ideas from the smartest of people.

"Character is a habit, not a quality, practice it often so you have it when you need it. "

"You are known by what you do when it really matters"

"The world was made in seven days, the fall of man kind took one action, creation has lasted thousands of years, I bet you can take 15 minutes to call a friend who misses you."

"It is the difficult things that take doing; if it were easy everyone would have done it, only the truly difficult things in life are worth doing. Funny enough those are the problems that always come your way."

"When things get rough, you better get rough right back!"

"I would rather be despised for who I truly am, that be loved for being a fraud."

"You must choose careful and wise in all situations, you might be the only person who does any thinking at all"

Just a few, I will throw some more up as they come to me.

-Matt

Date:	2005-02-21 11:54
Subject:	oops
Security:	Public
Mood:	weird

Ok, let's try again.

Here are some things I think I think,

1) Dealing with people is not as easy as some people seem to think.
2) Dealing with people who stab you in the back is harder.
3) I sometimes hate the fact that I really want any people in my life, they make things so much harder sometimes.

4) I have a few people that I would really like to have around and consider friends.
5) I have a lot of people in my life I consider acquaintances, friends of a sort, or simply folks I know.
6) I think that I consider my highest level of "Friendship" to be a true companion.
7) I have about 8 true companions in my life and some of them probably don't even know it.
8) I know a lot of supposedly "Adults" that are some of the most immature people I have ever had the displeasure to deal with.
9) I really enjoy having the day off for one and getting some things done around my house.
10) I need to spend a bit more time relaxing and taking care of my self than I do making sure everyone else is doing well and taking care of all the people I work with.
11) There are some movies that are really good at any time, and I really enjoy watching them.
12) Learning a new language is hard but not impossible.
13) I am really enjoying the challenge of learning Spanish.
14) I am really looking forward to the trip to Juarez this summer, but some of the people going I referred to in entry Number 8).


Well those are some thing I think I think today, I hope these might have resonated with some of the folks who read this. If you have comments please share, hope you enjoy reading this.

Later ya'll,

Matt

Well, here are some things i think i think

Date:	2005-01-22 22:55
Subject:	New Name
Security:	Public
Mood:	artistic
Music:	Green Day - Boulrvard of Broken Dreams

Well, I am about to name this Juornal the " Heartbreak Monolouge " As it seems that any time i get any soet of hope or light into my "love life" it dies a horrible and painful death.

I am really freaking tired of seeing everyone else around me happy and feeling good about themselves and thier significant others, it is really starting to make me sick. I just wish again to have some of the happiness i had when deb and i were together, that was nice, i liked my self better back then. Probably becase someone else thought i was worth the time, but not any more. I am not worth anyones time, if it is not convient for anyone else, i am not worth listening to. Basically, i feel like the person who is marginalized by every single person i know. and it is not a nice feeling to have.

I really dont like people alot these days,

Date:	2005-01-22 14:51
Subject:	Saturday
Security:	Public
Mood:	aggravated

Well,

This is a new thing for me, a saturday off, that i can relax in. For once, i can not have any responsiblites and just do what ever I want to. So far today, I have watched 3 hours of Sci-Fi Tv and that is it.

Tonight however, I am going to be getting to go see the Houston Aeros Hockey Team play. I have actually never been to a hockey game live before, which is odd given how much i love to watch the game and enjoy the sport. It will be an intresting trip however as it will involve a group of folks who are having plenty of drama latley.

I am not sure how long I can stand all of this crap that my sunday school class is putting me through. They are all acting a bit imature, and i am too i guess. It is very diffcult to care about people and do things for them when not a single of them give two farts about my own well being. what am I supposed to be the unending wellhead of care and work. Well I AM NOT!

Sorry to vent folks but it had to be done.

have a great day everyone.

Date:	2005-01-16 15:26
Subject:	I am so bad about updating
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

Well, seems like every 3 months I find the time to update this journal.

Nothing is new with me except that I have a new chick i have considered asking out. However we are "working" together at the church and not yet to the point i think i can ask her out yet. Oh well I am basically ready to live the rest of my life as a hermit, this whole dating stuff blows goats. I mean really, what do we have to do to get some luck in this whole deal.

Well, I guess that i will go take a nap or something and try and rest, later ya'll.

Date:	2004-11-12 23:00
Subject:	OK......
Security:	Public
Mood:	distressed

I am so horrible about keeping this updated, i am so sorry.

Well i am again single and have been since last september. It was not a great thing, but it was probably the right thing to do. since then i have started to go back to my old self again, the sad, lonely, depressing, withdrawn, guy i used to be. I am not sure what is really going on but it kinda scares me these days how sad i can be and nothing seems to help. I think i am finally getting around to telling my self how much i miss Debbie.

Well as for happy news, I now have 4 wedding to go to next year, which is happy news for the couples, and means i get to dress up at least 4 more times in the next year.

I am going to crash soon, i gotta be up early tomorrow to help out with one of the work projects for the Call.

Later folks,

Date:	2004-08-03 22:48
Subject:	Summer
Security:	Public
Mood:	pensive
Music:	The Whole Collection of Illegal Downloads

Well, it has been a while hasn't it?

I am horrible about updating this, but i am going to try and get better. Since the last entry it has been about 9 weeks and things have just not slowed down at all.

Debbie and I are still together, but things are kinda strained right now, but we are working on them. Mostly what we need to do is to take some time for each other and make sure that both of us are happy where we are.

The trip to Juarez went well also. It was about a month ago and it is still sitting there as a happy time in my life. It was a great trip and we got to do some wonderful ministry down there, not only with sweat and work (my favorite part), but also working and playing with the kids. WE had some down time and plenty of people this year so that it was easy to take some time and play soccer (futball) with the kids and the Maestros played too. Shawn (Maestro) was freaking good, i mean dang he was schooling everyone out there and he was in jeans and western boots.

I am so glad to report that Debbie has started her new job and is no longer employed by Slave-Mart (Wal-Mart). She seems to like it, but soon she is going to need a good break and rest. She has gone 2 weeks straight without a break.

I am currently uploading some pics from July 4th (I know they are late) but hey at least i am getting them up finally. Soon as i have an address for them, i will post it and let everyone who reads this critique all of my work and hopefully good camera work. I got an offer today to work some Technical stuff like mixing and live sound on a few weekends, make a few bucks on the side with a guy I know. I think it might be nice and the extra money is always a good thing. I have also wanted to work on producing some good photos and trying to get a few published, but i am no where near where I need to get that to happen. I need a bit more equipment and a lot more practice before i am anywhere near good enough to justify that sort of ego.

Well the address to view my first "published" i.e. posted pictures is : http://www.snapfish.com/thumbnailshare/AlbumID=13836009/t_=7779223

Let me know what you think, and if you want a full size copy let me know which one and i will email a few out as often as i can.

Have a great night ya'll,

Matthew Campbell (the PsYcHo)

Date:	2004-05-22 23:01
Subject:	Wow, been a while,
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative
Music:	The sounds of the Wind.

However some things have gone on.

I now have a girlfriend, Debbie, and it is actually really great to have a girlfriend. I mean, the whole idea of there being only one person you are trying to get to know on a much deeper level that everyone else lets you really concentrate on that one relationship.

I am really stressed about work, it is just getting to me how much you can do and not get recgonized for. I mean it is one thing if I was goofing off or ingoring my work, but i work as hard as anyone else and consistently prodice the highest quality output of anyone in the department.

Good Quote form "Open Range"

"There are some things that gnaw at a man worse than death."

Have a good night ya'll

Date:	2004-03-29 20:13
Subject:	It's been a While
Security:	Public
Mood:	discontent
Music:	Chieftians, Good Irish music.

but boy has the time been so fun. In case you are wondering, and I that for the 3 people who think this is fun and enjoyable you are sitting at the edge of your seat, I have been too busy to turn around.

Well, Work is busy as all get out. We have had 1 NYCT project that I finished today, 12 hours of work; 7 NYCT test reports in the next 6 weeks about 40 man-hours each. I have had nothing but special projects for 5 weeks straight, i do not get a break, I am working till I feel like I have a brain smoothie in my skull. Just pop open a can of beans and drop into a blender, high speed for a minute, and that is what I feel like at the end of a day. Consequently I have been so totally exhausted i have started to ignore other things, like, sleeping.

I am also totally swamped with running Bible Study. And yes, i am actually active in a bible study, that mean I am trying to be good, not that I am anywhere near that yet. It is tough to try and set something up where most folks either want their own thing, or just want what ever you are not going to do. I have poured time, sweat, blood, and not a few tears into this little project and seeing people lazzie faire around with it irks me to the nth degree. I feel like the only person who tries to keep thier eyes on what God wants for us, everyone else is looking to accounts and schedules, I keep trying to tell that that if God wants it, you will do it, bank account or not.

And then on to my personal life, where it just keep getting more and more interesting. There is this great girl in my bible study and I really like her and think she is not only funny, smart, and headed in the right direction with god, but she is damn hot. I am talking stacked and packed, and all sorts of fine. Problem is i have this whole moral and ethical dilemma with dating someone in my bible study, on the occasion of it going badly, it might ruin someones walk with God and that is something I would never be able to forgive my self of. So I have to spend more time in prayer and thought on the whole situation and see if I could handle it and see if it is worth the risks.

Oh well, gotta run, another day of wonderful work calls me to bed, the only thing that has ever called me in to bed..... :(

Vaya Con Dios,

Date:	2004-02-09 18:32
Subject:	Oops....
Security:	Public
Mood:	naughty
Music:	Nine Inch Nails

Have you ever had one of those days that you just wish it was all a bad dream all day long? I had one of those days today except it was a nightmare. I mean how many different ways are there to insult your boss in 5 mins, and get 3 assignments, and have to deliver bad news to like 30 people, including your boss, all in one day?

I mean really, any one of those makes for a bad day, but all of them at once, you have got to be kidding me. I would not be so upset but half the time I am cleaning up after other people and it is really getting on my nerves. I realize that it is not easy to get everything right all at once, I mean I can't even do it, but really folks, at least try to get at least SOMETHING right ever once in a while. Jeez guys, after I rip you a new one on the same subject 10 different times, the 11th time just about warrants a beating and summary execution.

I hate stupid people, they annoy me so much.

On to happier and more joyful things...... like my very depressing and slow love life. Oh wait never mind, we killed and buried that one a few weeks back. Oh well, turns out I am just as attracted to women as some of the women who I think are very good looking, which is kinda a fun/scary/confusing thing to try and figure out and wrap your mind around. But I hope all them the best in everything, I would not begrudge anyone any chance they have at contenment and happiness. Since I know how hard it can be to find and keep, every bit is very special. So do what ever you want to, but if it involves me, you better ask first.

Thanks ya'll for reading, it actually does help to put somethings into words.

BTW, no asking about my friends ( yes there are several ) I would not tell you anyways, and if you know me, you already know that.

Date:	2004-02-01 20:17
Subject:	Annoyances
Security:	Public
Mood:	flirty
Music:	Silence is just fine, thanks.

If you know me, you might think I am a kinda quiet type of person, I try to only talk when I have a point or for a reason, never to fill dead air. I have got a friend who's voice can shatter steel at a miles distance, and who has NO control what so ever over the volume of the fog horn she calls a mouth. I mean goodness gracious girl, no one is more then 4 yards away, why do my neighbors need to know what you think?

Does that bother anyone else, people who not only never shut the flock up, but who also have a voice kinda like shaving with broken glass (hurst no matter how you do it)?

Oh well, figured I would just express a pet peeve.

Hope everyones weekend end went well.

Date:	2004-01-22 21:11
Subject:	Rough Week
Security:	Public
Mood:	discontent

Ever have one of those weeks where you have to make a very tough decision and you have no way what so ever to know that you are doing it right?

Well, I had to make one of those decisions this week, weather to pusue a relationship with a girl in my sunday school\bible study\church group, or to help a friend out and help set the two of them up together. Now if you know me you will understand the sort of ethical quandry I was in,

1) Help your self, hurt a friend, date inside of a Bible Study you are leading,
2) do nothing at all, and see what happens, but watch at least one friend be very sad, and perhaps 2,
3) Help a friend out, and maybe start a relationship that might go somewhere.

I choose to do #3, but I have been second guessing my self all week long for that. I have since started to be more intrested in this girl, and I am now having to walk the razor; one way and you loose a good friend and perhaps destroy a bible study group, or the other way, fall into despondency and depression and destroy some good friendships and a bible study group, or somehow stay the course and hurt the whole way from the razor on the feets. I have had to make a tough decision and it is one that may eat at me for a while.

In the big picture, I put my friends and my Bible Study group above me in the order of importance. The big problem with that is that is really sucks to be you after a while. I was given no good choice on the way out of this situation and I had to make a choice.

God I hate choices, espically the tough ones. But those are the only ones worth making.

God I hate choices, especially ones that lead to my lack of happiness.

God I hate choices,

Date:	2003-12-28 20:20
Subject:	Wow
Security:	Public
Mood:	cynical
Music:	CrossBound (Whoop!)

Ok, so I am 26 now, woo hoo. Everyone get it out of your system, no more picking on me for another year ok! I really hate those resturants you go to and they put the funny hat on you and sing silly songs.

Oh well, I get to go back to work tomorrow and I am so looking forward to it. For those of you who don't know, I can be sarcastic every once in a while. I love my job and all, but man it can really bit sometimes.

And my big news is that my chances of dating someone are getting slimmer and slimmer, cause every day I live I go one more day without a GF, good thing I have GOD. And the latest one, great girl, wonderful Christian, beautiful, good personality, etc, etc, etc.... is moving off in like 5 days, so that is my life for you.

I think I need to just get really drunk and find someone who will take advantage of me, probably not, they would have to be blind in one eye and deaf too. Oh well, I will survive,

Date:	2003-12-20 20:09
Subject:	Rant
Security:	Public
Mood:	irate

Ok, I jsut gotta rant a bit...

If you are not aware I am a bit of a sports fanatic, and I am also a bit of a traditionalist when it come to certain things. Thus you might see how I might be VERY ANGRY with some of the antics in the NFL these days. I love my football, and I have no problem with celebration, I used to do it my self if I made a good play. But I see something very lacking in a players attitude when they see it nessacary to make a fool of them selves and thier team to try and get 2 mins of coverage on ESPN(tm). I think you should celebrate a good play, but you know what, that reciver would not have gotten very far without a QB, and that QB won't last long without a Offensive line (eg David Carr), and the best line in football would look really funny with no QB on the feild. Most of all, if you have 11 guys on Offensie and 2 guys on defense, you may score some TD's, but guess what, you still suck. So celebrate induvial effort as far as it goes. And they the team celebrate a win, not an over paid, 3 year old, who wants mommy to pay more attention, SINGLE player, who cares more about his name then his TEAM.

Wow, I think that might make sense, in my mind at least,

Wow, Folks came over and brought some food, I really enjoy my self. It was nice to have a chance to show off my house, I really like being able to have folks over. We ate, watched a movie, played some games and had some fun I guess.

However right now, if you look in my 'fridge, i look like a bloody alcoholic. They brought a crap load of alcohol, and I am not THAT huge of a fan of alcohol.

Well, I gotta get ready, go call some folks and go to see LOTR:RTK, I am very much looking forward to it.

Well, I am going to post some stuff on here, just to see who reads this sort of stuff. I am just trying to find a place to leave some messages, and maybe a thought or two.

Thought of the day: Damn my sound system rocks the world.