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[Sep. 24th, 2008|12:48 am] |
I haven't had the time really, to play my DS at all, what with working at a real job (as opposed to just chillin' at Pita Pit) and then house moving shenanigans. I've recently had the chance to put in some face time with some awesome games that just came out. But unfortunately I'm left wondering, why are so many of the best games released for the DS role playing games?
For example:
Dragon Quest IV
Final Fantasy IV
Sonic Chronicles
Lock's Quest
Disgaea
???
The last game I put a lot of time into (that wasn't The World Ends With You) was N+... and that was only held my attention for a couple of weeks. It's like, right now, I don't have the attention needed to finish a roleplaying game. There are sometimes weeks between when I would have last saved a file to me actually loading it up again. It's arguable, but I just don't believe that portable games should be rpgs. It's a time commitment as opposed to pick up and play.
Whatever. I'm just complaining. I should be happy that there are as many awesome games coming out as there is. |
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| Eeek. Feeling almost TOO normal. |
[Sep. 23rd, 2008|03:31 pm] |
Alright.
No more prednisone. The hospital gave me a half dozen and I forgot what the instructions were, so I skipped taking one yesterday but took one this morning.
I've been feeling anxious, agoraphobic, and a little paranoid. Basically, it feels like I've had ADD all day, I have barely sat down. I spent about three or four hours just cleaning and fixing random things around the house. Sure, I've been super productive today, but it's my 'day off' of work, kinda, and like, I haven't relaxed at all like I should.
In the span of minutes, I've felt lonely, bored, anxious, felt like I was missing out, but didn't feel like I should go outside, unproductive to too productive. I'm blaming the prednisone for the insomnia Sunday night. I literally stayed up until four in the morning, laid in bed wide awake, and then got up at eight thirty the next morning. Frustrating.
Also, starting your day off with an energy drink is a really bad idea in hindsight. In fact, with all this medication, it's probably a good idea in itself to just cut back on energy drinks period.
So far today I:
unpacked the fridge, switched the door to swing open the other way (which, in hindsight, was pretty unnecessary), unplugged all the electronics downstairs so I could vaccuum and febreeze the carpet/rug, did a load of laundry, vaccuumed the main floor, took the glass desk apart and all the computer stuff, moved it a foot to the right, windexed the glass, put it all back together, cleaned my room, put a robot that fell on the floor back together, put the dishes away and restocked the dishwasher,
on top of showering/cooking/eating, all the stuff I do daily.
I'm gonna force myself to go for a walk. |
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[Sep. 23rd, 2008|10:48 am] |
I just woke up and finished reading the last four issues of Y: The Last Man.
Wow. |
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[Sep. 22nd, 2008|12:52 pm] |
I wake up and start the day with a breakfast consisting of a cocktail of drugs that both encourage and promote my day to day living. I haven't slept longer than five hours a night, for the last five nights. My heart was palpitating so strongly at four this morning that I simply laid in bed until I fell asleep from boredom. My upper body actually feels like it is falling apart. I tried to fall back asleep this morning, but for some reason, I just had too much energy. Must be the drugs.
I've been reading Y: The Last Man since yesterday. I am at 27/60, so almost breaking the halfway point. Yes, I've read up to 34 previously, but like a fine wine, one must enjoy the whole bottle to fully realize and savor the flavor. This kinda shit should elevate graphic novels from 'just for kids' to a full fledged literary art (if Frank Miller's Dark Knight Returns hasn't done so yet).
I am eating, for lunch, right now, three of the greasiest sausages, combined with three slices of 'bacon' (really now, it's just all fat). Not one to waste, I scrambled a trio of eggs in the delicious 'bacon n' sausage juices'. Don't worry, the toast is whole wheat. |
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[Sep. 22nd, 2008|10:31 am] |
I spent six hours in the hospital emergency room yesterday afternoon.
I guess it was a busy day. Rhiannon stayed with me. A doctor/nurse would come in and out, every hour or so. They gave me enough medication that my chest felt as if it would burst, if not from my lungs, then from my pounding heart.
At the end, I was given an xray, and the worst possible news, that my lungs are pretty damn fucked.
I don't have any health coverage. Both Rhiannon and I are broke, so I asked Tony to lend me the money for my prescription.
175 dollars. A third of a paycheck, my heart sunk.
I came home last night and cleaned my room from top to bottom. Seems too unlikely of a coincidence that I would start becoming sick on the same day I moved in. The previous owners may have had pets, the carpets smell funny. It's negatively affecting my lungs, slowly building up, day by day over three weeks. Until, yeah, I'm in the hospital.
I missed a lot of work. They were worried maybe, that I wasn't coming back. Walked this morning to show them the doctor's note (...suffered progressive reactive airway disease flare up...) and explain why I haven't been in the last couple days. There is relief now. |
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[Sep. 20th, 2008|12:56 am] |
I'm still feeling sick. My chest hurts. Last night I slept for five hours before waking up to heaviness in my chest and a terrible hacking cough. Contemplated not going to work this morning, but I need the money so I went.
Work went well. The first three hours were the worst, but as the day wore on I began feeling better. Still, though, I cannot walk three or four blocks outside without losing my breath.
Days like these, I feel robbed, of my strength and vitality.
Went to Sloan last night. Felt sick all night. Went out for fresh air halfway through their set. Was about to walk home alone but when I went back into the venue they just just started playing the one song I was waiting all night to hear, "Everything you've done is wrong". Sadly, I couldn't be in the pit. The air was too hot and thick, and weighed heavily on me.
I watched Pleasantville with Rhiannon tonight. Then I went to Pita Pit and talked with Corey and Cheap. Things seem different now at Pita Pit. Different in a lot of negative ways. Maybe I should quit. I don't know. Two more weeks and I will decide.
Haven't had time to work on projects. Been sick. Been working. Been distracted by living. |
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[Sep. 19th, 2008|09:52 am] |
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I feel sick but I'm going to work anyways. Because I NEED the MONEY. Ugh. |
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| Third Day Off. Kind of. |
[Sep. 18th, 2008|01:05 am] |
Didn't go to work today. Called in sick, right.
Waited at the doctor's office for an hour. Played DS, some World Ends with You, which I haven't touched since moving house. Was prescribed antibiotics, which took another hour of waiting at the pharmacist.
When I got home I slowly started cleaning the house. I set up the new bookshelf, placed gundams on the top shelves. Sorted out my room, sorted out the laundry. Rhiannon bussed home and we went for dinner...at KFC. It was greasy.
Then we window shopped for awhile before settling in at home. Christian came over, followed shortly by Tony Roenspies. We watched True Romance. Gary Oldman is awesome in it.
I put Evan's poster in a frame. haha.
Then everyone left and I bought a Rockstar drink. I'm drinking it right now.
I'm happy that my computer randomly decided to work. It's ironic that it broke down, since I just decided to buy extra ram for it. Evan, I hope you notice a difference in speed, because I need someone to buy it from me, otherwise I feel like an idiot for buying two sticks.
I want to buy a new computer. Computer Trends was interesting. The guy working reminded me of a used car salesman. Went to London Drugs with Rhiannon, to look at computers, though I wasn't very impressed. I've decided that when I do get a new computer that I would get something sort of top of the line.
Anyways. Goodnight. I actually plan on going to work tomorrow. |
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| Sick Day. |
[Sep. 17th, 2008|11:15 am] |
Called in sick this morning. Something I'm hesitant to do, especially when it is a new job.
But I feel miserable.
Home at ten last night. Had to work several hours, Tony covered the rest. Slept from then until five in the morning. Lumbered downstairs, tried to fix computer, which incidentally enough, started working after plugging and unplugging several cables. Felt relief. Slept from six until nine.
I still feel miserable.
Doctor today, hopefully. If not, then I will pick up a few things from Superstore, just so the day doesn't feel like a complete waste. Consuming feels productive, ironically. |
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[Sep. 16th, 2008|03:32 pm] |
Second day off. Sort of.
Only slept six hours. Went to bed at five in the morning. Tried futilely to install custom ringtones on Rhiannon's new phone. Oh. Yeah, I bought her a new cell phone yesterday. Early birthday present.
Only slept six hours because I'm sick. I think it is an infection of some sort. Difficulty breathing. Wake up every three hours, gasping for air. Even now, weight on chest, tiredness. Walked to the clinic but was told that it was no longer a walk in clinic. Stumbled home, sick.
Sort of a day off because I still work at Pita Pit tonight. Not looking forward. I'm hoping someone can cover me tonight, so I can recuperate.
Broke computer this afternoon. Installed fan, cleaned insides with canned air. Turning it on and off repeatedly to test, must have taxed the power source. Is five years old, still, frustrating. Going to Computer Trends to buy a new power source.
I still need to deposit paycheck, then pay bills. Lack of energy, plus lack of time, deterrents.
Spent an hour and a half building a six foot bookshelf. Required screws and nails. The screw driver purchased at dollar store was sorely deficient, I have blisters on my palms. Still, opportunity to see books displayed on the shelf worth all the work.
Nothing to eat in the house. Sigh.
I will update later with progress/status of the broken computer. I need a new one, but there are more pressing matters. |
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[Sep. 15th, 2008|10:03 am] |
Finished my first week at the Bulk Cheese Warehouse. The first few days were disorientating, but I'm beginning to settle into my own. It's definitely a job I am starting to enjoy more and more, and it's something I can work on, try to move up the ladder.
Brought delicious steak and fine cheeses from the Bulk Cheese to Pita Pit last night. Made a Cold Smoked Ribeye pita with Pepper Hummus and 4 year old Cheddar. Mmmm. It almost ruins regular pitas for me.
The house is looking better every day. Recently purchased an area rug for the basement, though I think it could use another one, just to cover more of the concrete. Hopefully going shopping later today for more things. Very likely spending several hours doing laundry and cleaning the house. With Michelle on vacation it's been really serene and relaxing around here, not that I don't enjoy her company. Privacy can be a luxury these days.
Today and tomorrow are sorta my days off, because I am still working at Pita Pit. There are several books I bought and hope to read. High on this list are: The War of Art, and Battle Royale. Speaking of which, a few people out there still have borrowed books of mine, but I don't really care.
Completed a robot model last night after work. Took about three hours over the last couple of days. He looks like a giant samurai with a badass sword. It's sitting on the left speaker, looking down at me awesomely.
I've been sick, the weather has been nice but I haven't been able to go out much, other than to work. Considered seeing a doctor today, but I'm told I should just try to walk it off. Haven't had more than six hours of sleep a night without waking up, chest congested, heavy weight on the diaphragm. Might be the new paint and allergies.
Tried to work more on my rpg, but I've been extremely tired lately. Really really really tired, in fact. I haven't stayed up past one oclock all week, my mind shuts off. Distressing, considering all the work that must yet be done. Haven't decided yet, whether the dialogue or the actual game development is more fun.
Large list of 'to do's. Little time. Will manage. |
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| Everything post. |
[Sep. 4th, 2008|12:14 pm] |
It's Thursday. I just woke up about half an hour ago, before noon, which is pretty unusual for having this be my day off. I'm still sick. I wake up every two or three hours with this pressure on my chest making it difficult to breathe, a symptom being a terrible hacking cough. I've felt this way since Sunday, and because of the ridiculous weekend, I'm led to believe that stress may be the root factor. As well, other people have since caught it from me, the worst being Corey, who had to work at the worst of it, and now Rhiannon, who complained of a sore throat this morning.
I'm finally all moved into the new house. Everything seems to be in its place. With that in mind, I should definitely be relaxing, feeling a huge relief. But I suppose this sickness seems to balance my life out.
The weekend was a nightmare. I am not sure where to begin. I guess I could begin chronologically and detail what happened Friday.
The morning begins with a call from Franklin, our crazy new landlord. He says he needs everyone, that would be me Rhiannon and Michelle, to come at three to sign the lease. It has to be all three of us, or we wouldn't get the keys. I call Rhiannon at work, who is stressed out as is, since Booster Juice is so short staffed.
Then I make a few phone calls to the Den and the Lane, since Friday was the release of the new MtG boxed set, From the Vault: Dragons. It's super super limited edition and I wanted a copy for my birthday, but since I didn't think anyone non-MtG would have any clue to get one, I decided to just buy it myself. The Den had ordered a dozen copies by WotC only sent them 3, and they were all presold. I finally got a hold of Aron at the Lane, who said that he was only receiving two and he was gonna mark up the price due to 'what Starcitygames and eBay are selling at'. I begrudgingly sent Cheap to pick it up for me, since I was at work, for eighty dollars. The suggested retail is something like 35 dollars, but I couldn't see another way for me to get a copy. I'm elated though, it's pretty badass. I don't think opening it is gonna change the value, since it's the individual value of the cards that make up the whole.
http://www.wizards.com/Magic/Magazine/Article.aspx?x=mtgcom/feature/469b
I take a break from work to meet with Rhiannon and Michelle for the walkthrough of hte new place. This is Rhiannon's first time seeing the place and after the lengthy meeting, with all the proper documents signed and dated, she happily leaps into my arms. I'm really happy as well, but I feel weighed down by the remainder of my responsibility, which is, actually moving all the furniture and junk from my apartment into the new house, which we were doing later that night after I finish work. It was important that we get the keys on Friday, since if not, the soonest would have been the following Tuesday, it being a long weekend.
Coral Gardens. Ah, Coral Gardens. Three years in the same room. Three years and four roommates. Five if you count Rebecca. With Hagen, the original, gone and forfeit of the damage deposit, responsibility had fallen on my shoulders to clean it up to par. Cheaps stuff was still there, as was Corey's in the living room. Thank god I was moving out before the check out date (Sunday afternoon), since there was still a pile of stuff in the apartment. Cheap suggested moving everything into the kitchen onto the linoleom, because the carpets had to be cleared to be professionally cleaned. The plan we eventually settled on was moving everything in the house into MY room, since it was the first to be cleaned completely.
At the time I was extremely fucking frustrated. I had all my stuff packed and boxed for weeks, but when it came down to Cheap and Corey packing their stuff, it was down to the last minute. Originally, they had both agreed to help ME clean and pack, since I was doing them both favors. Cheap had a place to move into and Corey was living in the living room for free. But nearing the deadline I found myself helping them pack the majority of their belongings.
Anyways, back to Friday. Shawn Davison, an old roommate, had a moving business this summer, with his huge truck he got for discount. He was gonna come and help move all my boxes and couches to the new place. Rhiannon also bought a table, chairs, and a couple of couches that she needed to have picked up. Shawn helped us with all of this and it only took a couple of hours. We really appreciated it, Shawn was the unanimous 'Good Man of the Weekend'. Patrick also showed up and helped us move a lot of stuff, like glass and computers, with his car, which was also really awesome.
So, with that off my back, we were all definitely relieved. I crack a beer and put together the living room table set that Rhiannon bought from Walmart. Then it's about ten oclock and me Rhiannon and Christian are the only ones left at the house. We're all hanging out in the kitchen, lights on and door open, out to the back porch. Rhiannon asks if we're gonna stay the night at at the new house and I joke to Rhiannon that maybe our house is haunted. At this point, as if on cue, someone outside starts yelling:
".....rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiipppppppppppppppppppppppppppp!!! ...rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiippppppppppppppp!!"
We all kinda start laughing. How random, says Rhiannon. Then from outside our window I hear people yelling distinct words, something like "Fucker, come out of your house. Come out, you fucker." I'm like, hmm, I wonder what our neighbours are up to. But then the yelling quickly becomes "Fucking RED SHIRT, come OUT!" and like, hmm, I'M wearing a red shirt and you can clearly see me through our back window. I'm not sure what's up, but I was thinking it was maybe a drunk dude and I could go out and talk him down maybe.
I go outside and on my steps are four drunk natives, two guys and two girls, all looking like wankstas. I guess they were in a gang, since they started swearing at me and calling me 'fucking red shirt'. This one guy, he yells "GET BACK IN YOUR FUCKING HOUSE, FUCKING RED SHIRT, BEFORE WE FUCKING KILL YOU!" I begin to shrug, because, really, this is all pretty ridiculous. Before I can say anything, the second guy, who's holding a 26 in his hoodie, takes a step forward and PUNCHES ME in the face. I'm still standing, but I just kinda back into the house as they retreated too.
I can kinda laugh at it now, but I was really really fucking angry at the time. The whole situation seems soooooo ridiculous. Here we are, on the first night at our new place, in a totally good neighbourhood, and I get punched, on my own porch for wearing a red shirt. I was planning on doing some cleaning that night, but the right side of my face had swollen up and I could barely talk or chew. So, instead, we went to Kelly's house to get drunk, obviously. I figure, at least I have an interesting story to tell, about why the one side of my face looks like it belongs to someone else.
Saturday was a real mess. There was still a lot of cleaning to do and a lot of driving around. Andy, my brother, was in town for only a few hours because a friend of his was driving up here to drop off a cat and he tagged along. We went for dinner at Yip Hong's, which was really relaxing and needed, then I showed him the new place and gave him my new skateboard I never rode. He's coming back in a week for my birthday, which I'm really stoked about.
Pita Pit is pretty fucked right now. Here's the one complication. I had to fully clean my apartment and move everything before Sunday, but I was scheduled to close with Cheap Saturday night. We are so severely understaffed that I couldn't find anyone to cover for me. Corey had already closed Friday night and THAT was a gongshow (I was there at three in the morning), and like, it was Brittany's last weekend on call but she didn't wanna come in. So, basically, Cheap worked alone from eight until two in the morning, when Corey went down to help him close. That sort of stuff should never happen. Speaking of which, I finally had enough of Pita Pit and I got a new job.
Beginning this Sunday I'm working full time as a butcher, with Kenton, at the Bulk Cheese Warehouse. If I had stayed at Pita Pit I would've been one of only four full time people working at eighth street, the other three being Cheap and Corey and the new Manager, Cody. Now I guess it's only those three, working every day pretty much. Corey thinks that I'll miss the Pit because I won't get to sit around and read or play chess at the new job. But I'm really restless and this is an opportunity to do something different that pays more, with a chance to work hard and make EVEN more. I already start at more money than I make now at Pita Pit, sad considering I've worked here for over a year now and I thought I was one of the more competent employees. Kenton has been at the Bulk Cheese for about two months and he just received a two dollar raise. Hopefully, I can get settled, learn quickly, and maybe move into a more managerial position there.
On top of all this, I get cheap steak and cheese.
(So, Tony, would you be interested in a job there with me eventually? I'm still keeping my job at Pita Pit part time, but I'm not sure how long that will last, the last few shifts have been really really lazy closes. Scott, the owner, says that anyone who makes it through a year will most likely end up making fourteen or fifteen an hour. You don't get that kinda incentive working full time at Pita Pit, but hey, Cheap and Corey and me will be there still. Just something to think about.)
So, with work being a fucking pain, I end up cleaning until five thirty in the morning. Then the four of us, Cheap Corey Rhiannon and I, crashed at the townhouse until getting up before noon and continuing the rest of the cleaning.
Miguel's wife came to do the check out and it went better than anyone anticipated. Cheap explained that he HAD to move out on the 15th, so that all the stuff in my room was his. She was cool with that. The two funniest things were definitely the hole in the closet wall and the 'did you guys even bother cleaning?' comment.
There was a hole in the closet wall of Corey's room. We cleaned all the walls and put the closet doors back on but I never had time this week to pick up a drywall repair kit. It was a small hole, about fist sized. Anyways, during the checkout, Miguel's wife opens the closet door and pokes her head in to look, but the hole was DIRECTLY behind her head, as she looked into the ONE corner, and when she took her head back out of the closet she never looked at the OTHER corner. Me and Cheap were standing right behind her and my heart skipped a beat.
The second thing, as soon as she entered the apartment, she looked at the carpet, then looked at the fixtures and the stove and was like "oh wow, this is NOT clean at all..." hahahah. I shouldn't have even bothered.
Miguel came back and said that since Cheap and Corey wanted to move in early, they had to take the apartment as is, and I would be charged for all the things that were still sketchy, so, like, pretty much everything. In return for having a 'dirty' apartment, whenever Cheap and Corey decide to move out, they won't have to clean all the things I never cleaned. Sigh.
Out of the almost six hundred dollar deposit, over two hundred had to go to cleaning the carpet, which was admittedly really disgusting. I'm expecting a check for about a hundred dollars, which bums me out because I really did spend hours and hours cleaning, and I forfeit a nine hour shift in order to finish cleaning. Insult to injury, when Cheap and Corey move out, they don't have to clean anything!
Sigh. But at least that stress is over with, all the papers are signed and I relinquish any responsibility I have with Coral Gardens.
But now I'm sick, and I had to work Sunday night, and Monday night while I was feeling like shit. My face is running, my chest is congested, my entire upper body is sore from moving furniture and cleaning fucking WALLS all weekend. I got about five or six hours of sleep every night. And then I have to work, on the long weekend that everyone else seems to have off. Sigh.
Everything is awesome otherwise. The basement is slowly becoming awesome, all the posters are put up, we just need an area rug and maybe another couch. The upstairs living room looks perfect. The desk and computer and internet is set up, the couches Rhiannon bought look brand brand new. All the posters are framed and securely hung. I think you'll like it, Tony, it's fucking classy.
My birthday is in a week. I dunno what to do, but I know that I'm having people over to drink, including YOU, man. I'm dead DEAD broke, so I'm expecting everyone else to gimme booze. hahah
I was chilling before work yesterday, just having received the internet, when, why, who shoulda msn'd me but one CHAD fucking MCCOLL. I guess he was living in Calgary last year and now he is back in Saskatoon, going to school. He's living on campus again...
...
hahahahhah. Get this, in LAV of all places! This should be interesting. Maybe I'll play more mtg when you get back from ONT, since the lack of people I like was the major drawback to playing competitive mtg for me. Also, the cube is pretty fucking stacked. I'm having kids over Saturday night to partake, which should be awesome. Rhiannon bought a dining set with a huge table and exactly six chairs, perfect for drafting. hahaha
Anyways. I hope this is enough post for you to digest, I know I haven't updated in a while, but really, that night I got punched I really wanted to write something but, alas, no internet you know? |
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[Aug. 15th, 2008|10:30 am] |
The anticipation is building. As ideas slowly become reality, I feel more motivated to move things into action. There will be people to call, furniture to purchase and arrange, walls to clean, but it'll be worth it all. I guess this means oure relationship is starting to get serious, huh?
I feel like I'm receiving the opportunity to tear down these walls and begin constructing something new and wonderful. But I'm not one of those people who say "Well, it all starts next month, so I'm just gonna slack in the meantime". No, the best day to start is always today, right. There is energy in me that I haven't felt in several months, a creative and physical drive that pushes me to develop my art and body. There are projects abandoned that I need to pick up.
I'm really excited, if you couldn't tell. I'm starting to feel whole again. |
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[Aug. 9th, 2008|02:14 pm] |
This morning at 8:30 I received a phone call. Usually I would be upset that someone would even attempt to disrupt my sleep this early in the morning, but it was strange and urgent news that I am now sharing. The phone call was from Dave Hagen, who is in Edmonton as this time, attending a Convention. He just got laid. From this 'goth' girl he met at a 'goth club' in Edmonton. He was elated to tell me that he both 'lasted a long time' and she was 'complaining about how sore she was'. This meant that all these years of repressed sexual urges patiently waited their turn to exit the gate towards the 'secret garden' as opposed to just destroying the poor girl. Obviously Hagen was vague as to my inquisition towards the appearance of said girl, but that is fine, I am nonetheless happy for him.
Congratulations, Dave Hagen. You have my approval, go forth, son.
Oh, and it's Kenton's 24th birthday today too. Happy bday, man. |
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| Projects. |
[Aug. 5th, 2008|12:53 am] |
Lately. Lately.. I haven't been feeling super good, about a lot of things. One of the issues that's been really bothering me, though, is the lack of direction in my life. There are so many things I have wished I've done, or am doing, or having completed. I've spoken at great lengths about these 'ambitions' I get, and similar topics, such as inspiration, free time, devotion, and obsession. There never seems to be enough time in the day. After spending so many hours a day working and committing to other obligations I just wanna come home and crash.
To bring things into perspective I'm gonna go through a short list of the things I've been really stoked about in the last three years but ultimately never gone through with to a satisfactory degree.
( In no particular order: ) |
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| Recent thoughts. |
[Jul. 21st, 2008|03:09 am] |
I can't sleep. I sit here in front of the computer, three in the morning, having just finished putting a load of clothes in the dryer and putting away the dishes, I wonder what 'normal' people must be doing right now. Hmm. Sleeping, I guess.
I've been feeling a lot of pressure these last few days.
First, I was working on this painting for an old friend, and like, most of the time when someone commissions me to do some art as a favor, I'm really insecure. I worry if I'll finish on time, whether it'll meet their unknown standards, or even my own standards. After three days of hand wringing, countless sketches and thoughts, and several cans of spraypaint, I finally finish. Even after he came to pick it up I was feeling tense for several hours. I was worried that he thought it was 'too weird' and that he would ultimately not even use it. But like, it's his business, right, why should I worry about something once it leaves my hands?
Anyways, there's some pictures of it on my cell phone, which I'm too lazy to upload here. If it was any good, you'll see it around town. Shawn wanted something bright and catchy for his truck-for-hire business, so you'll see it around if he actually liked it.
I've been thinking about moving out of Coral Gardens for about a month now. To me it seems feasible. People are always moving in and out, right, so it shouldn't be difficult to find a house to accomodate me and a couple friends. I've been losing a bit of sleep lately, thinking about this. One part of me is scared to leave, another part doubts my ability to even find a place. I'm giving my notice tomorrow afternoon. This will give me a month and a half to find some place or else I'm living on the street. haha.
I have too much junk around here, a lot of random shit that I've become attached to. I find myself too accustomed to this apartment. It has been over three years here, after all. I don't think I can take just picking everything up in a couple of days and moving. I need to put it all away piecemeal. So, I'll be packing one thing every day or so until I move out. Today I carefully wrapped all my gundam etc. models in old t shirts and put them in boxes.
What will I need with me? Do I really need a pile of old magazines? Right now, I am keeping the things most important to me the closest to me. As long as I have my girlfriend and my best friend, I'll be okay I think.
The damage deposit is gonna be a huge bitch. Cheap and Corey wanna take the apartment after I leave in September. I'm unaware of the details right now, but thats what we'll be discussing with our landlord tomorrow. Best case scenario, he lets me move out, allows me to transfer my damage deposit over to Cheap and Corey without any hassle. Worst case, he won't allow Cheap and Corey to move in, perhaps because he wants to renovate or maybe there is a waiting list. Then he keeps the majority of my damage deposit after seeing what kind of horrible mess the apartment has become.
I am irrationally ashamed of my apartment, so much so that the kitchen faucet has been leaking for half a year now, even after I turn off the hot water tap. I coulda (/shoulda) got it fixed immediately but there was so much illegal and random garbage in the house that I didn't wanna let my landlord in.
I sometimes wish that randomly someone will come and just 'fix' everything. Like, I realize how immature I sound when I say it like that. Everyone eventually has to man up and take responsibility for their life. I just wish it was later than sooner, you know? So often in the past I've just relinquished control and gone with the 'easy' option. I don't take the risks. Take my boring, unfulfilling job as an example. The only reason I haven't quit already is the fact that it's easy, undemanding, and I'm too scared/lazy to quit and find something new.
I'm trying. I'm trying. Please, bear with me here. Life seems new and exciting right now.
In a couple days I'll be spending almost a week in a small town, at Rhiannon's parents' house in Flin Flon (Denare Beach, actually). I'm kinda nervous! I keep thinking that her parents have all these expectations for her boyfriend to step up to. These are cloudy thoughts I need to remove.
Anyways, I feel calmer about a lot of things since I've committed them to type. As long as I don't let the world overwhelm me I'll be fine. |
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| Plans. |
[Jul. 21st, 2008|02:56 am] |
I picked up another book on theoretical physics, this time something that elaborates on parallel universes called, aptly, Parallel Universes. It's at work right now. I haven't had a chance to look through it, as Corey is digesting it currently (he says it's ridiculous, but interesting) and I have a different book which I purchased at the same time. The book I'm reading at the moment is on the teachings of Zen. It's easy to read and understand, but ultimately, my skeptical self is rolling its eyes and in practice it would seem difficult. The first step, I guess, is to admit that I am a flawed human like everyone else.
I'm already a pensive person, but this stuff goes deeper, to the point where I'm often left just stunned. As I think about myself, I see a lot of ugly things going on. I get insecure about a lot of things, defensive, often to the degree where I intentionally hurt other people, the ones close to me. I am greedy with my time, obsessing over it, always WANTING more of it.
Dammit, Evan, when you lay out your flaws I can't help but dwell on mine. :P
I need to turn all of this negative energy towards something positive. I need to let go of shitty memories, of old friends and past romances. Like, I'm worried that I'm falling into old routines, ones that lead to failure, when I should be rejoicing in something new. This is an adventure right? Something new that I wake up every morning happy.
hmm.
Somehow I was gonna write a post about all the things I had planned for the future but it turned into a post on self reflection. I need to sleep. I'll write something more coherent tomorrow, I guess this will be a placeholder. |
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| over bored and self assured |
[Jul. 15th, 2008|01:58 pm] |
My diet lately has consisted solely of pitas and energy drinks. I sleep six hours a night, with the occasional eight, wake up tired and dazed. There's this persistent stress that tries to keep me in bed and then the anxiety that ultimately pulls me out. You'd think they were the same side of the coin but whereas stress keeps me still like a deer in headlights, anxiety keeps me alert and moving. I find it difficult to relax lately. Why is that.
I'm terrible with deadlines. Throughout university I was always handing assignments in late, skipping classes for awful reasons (DoDonPachi, really?) and missing important meetings. I agreed to help a friend out by painting 'something' on two 2x8 foot boards he's attaching to his truck. Something like a 'Student with a Truck' business. He dropped the boards off on Weds last week and I promised to have it completed by Saturday. It's already almost a week now and I'm not even half done.
I wasn't really sure what he wanted. Something 'eye catching' and 'graffiti style'. I think he overestimates my abilities since he originally wanted to pick me up, drive me to his house, and then just paint there for a couple hours til I finished. Of course, art art art art, I'm stressing out and nit picking over every little detail. I figure, if I can't have absolute control over my life then at least I will prevail in this arena where I am in complete control.
So, I run downtown this afternoon to pick up some yellow spraypaint. I usually get this stuff from the skateshop down the street, Dunas, but they're pretty much out of every color I wanted. Someone working there suggested I go downtown to Undergrind, where they have a huger selection of 'graff spraypaint' colors. Shawn said he'd reimburse me for the paint I used if I saved all the receipts. I find the exact yellow I wanted and go to pay for it. He just tells me how much and I hand him some bills. Then when I ask him for a receipt he just looks at me with a 'uhh, seriously?' kinda look before he scribbles on a notepad receipt and hands me the slip. hahah. What ever happened to kids shoplifting paint.
I'll try to post pictures when I finish this, which I will start soon, with a hardcore painting session in the park. |
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| The Weekend in Review |
[Jun. 30th, 2008|01:34 am] |
The weekend began frustratingly enough. I had Corey cover me for a couple of hours so I could do a draft at the Lane friday night. My pile was much to slow to compete and I got tooled by Jesse and John. I never wanna sit next to Remus again, as he was both slow and retarded, ruining my deck by hate drafting two cards that woulda been awesome in my deck. Rusaw wasn't faring much better either, as he lost most of his matches as well. The only highlight of that night was playing Leighton in the last round, beating him handily, and then seeing him rip his hand in half in anger.
Then I worked til four in the morning, came home feeling sorta sick and woke up completely miserable. Saturday I bummed around the house, walked downtown and back, then spent the night in bed, trying to recover with a lot of warm green ginger tea. Mostly uneventful, but really, disappointing, since I had a few plans and was actually excited to have a Saturday night off. But of course, the sickness just made me feel miserable all day/night.
Sunday I woke up feeling much better. The staff party was this afternoon and I was sorta on the fence this morning. After a hot shower, I decided that I was fit enough to go out to the lake. It was a good day. I spent the majority of it with Rhiannon, just laying in the sun. We drank quite a bit, much against my better judgement. I mean, I'm trying to get well, right. Anyways, the night winds down with a bunch of us hanging out at Jane's. I woulda drank more, but my head was kinda swimming at that point. Me and Rhiannon walked back to my apartment, twenty minutes away, and we kinda laid around.
It's not that I'm bored, it's just that I feel like I have a lot of energy but there's nothing I can really do outside other than go for a run. I woulda invited Cheap over tonight, but I didn't feel like being a host at all. I dusted off my xbox an hour ago, to play some Killer Instinct on the emulator. It wasn't very fun, not as fun as I remembered it. After playing the Marvel Vs. games, regular fighting games just feel sluggish and unresponsive, even though Killer Instinct was THE game that started the ridiculous combo/juggles. But it seems the older I get the less 'retro' gaming I'm up for. Maybe because we begin to value our free time more and more as we find life's responsibilities piling up? Maybe. There's an entire stack of awesome games I wanna play that I just can't find the time for, such as FinalFantasy Tactics A2, The World Ends with You, Soul Bubbles, etc.
Hmm. That was a lengthy digression.
Anyways, my adventures in gaming deserve its own post, something else to throw on my to do list. |
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| This is for all my friends out there. |
[Jun. 29th, 2008|02:00 am] |
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