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comment,tell me how you found me and why you want me to add you, then go ahead and add me first.If you don't comment or add me first i won't add you back.
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made by hawkedriot just for me.because i'm special.so much.

What were you doing one year ago today?
Submitted by CassandraMorgan.

studying.

ha.this is a fucking joke.

Originally posted on darkenedfairy.vox.com

*le sigh*

I want pretty things to hang around my neck and to wear on my feet. Cause people annoy me. And life is exhausting. Graduation is close and things are starting to break apart.

I'm not made for real life friendships, really. Not those everyday-school-and-afterwards-girl-shit.
None that require constant occupation. I feel like a bad person for all the things people do for me without getting anything in return - when i really shouldn't.Of course it's sweet to see rock 'n' roll bands in towns. It's nice to have somebody whos house i can go to after work. It's nice to have somebody i can ponder around school if i feel the need to.

But the whole getting to know her?
Not happening. It didn't with the last girl who i wanted to be my "best friend" , i doesn't with the one right now.

The reason? I do not care.

I don't care where she's from, what her childhood friends are called, if her mum is crazy, if her sister is driving her nuts, i don't like hearing stories about her past or what is happening in her life right now. I just do not care at all.
It's a weird thing and i wish i was better than this, i wish i could listen to all these tellings and enjoy it truthfully and honest - truth is, i'm not.

I've realized this by now.
I wish i could be a best friend for everybody who wants me to. I wish i could be Chris' heroin he asked me to be,  i wish i had the guts to tell Janine that she's missing out, that her relationship is going somewhere wrong, I wish i had the balls to be a good best friend for the person who considers a best friend at this stage in my life.
But I'm not. I'm not her best friend - that's another girl she's know for years. And that's just fine for me. It's reality. Just like the person who's been her best friend is hers, Franzi is mine. That's the way it is. It's like with my (step-)dad not accepting that i am not his natural child. And that it's just fine like this, that it doesn't make a difference but that it is reality.
Thing is, ever since i've stepped into this girls life again she has started talking some shit about her old best friend to me. I never respond to that. I always tell her that she should talk to that person about it - cause it's not my business. It's their shit.
She just relies on me cause i'm the easier option right now and as much as i can understand that i still think it's wrong. I still think it's not right. I still believe that i'm somehow wrong in the picture.

I can only be what i am.

I'm the kid you call up if you wanna go rent movies with greasy hair or mosh in the club or get wasted  and fucked. I'm the person you spend time with if there's stuff to do.
I'm not somebody to talk your life through with.. I've heard childhood stories. I've heard puberty stories. I've spend my teenage time in houses of others. It's cool. I'm through with it.

It's the reason i've turned down Stefan.

I'm tired of everybodies stories.

Elvis Presley - I Feel So Bad (Alternate Take)

I'll listen to you if you've got an issue. I'll help you trough. That's what i do for the people around me. I would never not. I'll get you a lovely birthday if nobody else does. I'll send you parcles for Valentines if i know that's what you need. I'll tell your sister off if i know you can't bear it any longer. I'll pick you up in Stuttgart cause you're on coke and without money. I'll do your math homework with you calling the math geeks because you've got a presentation the next day.

- And i wouldn't have it any other way.

But i've realized that i'm not made for phone calls. I'm not made for listening to stories about first drunk times. Not if they're just random convos. If they mean nothing - if they're just to get to know you better.

I never tell stories about my past either.I've never really recognized that i purposely don't do this. But in my life nobody knows my story.
When i've told a girl in my maths class about me living on the street a year she couldn't believe it - even though it was only mentioned as a side note to explain a certain belief i have on a certain topic. Nobody knows about my past friends. The stories happened to me. I never talk about them - i think that is because whatever they have made me become i stand for. Me, that is what those stories are. Everything that happend to me is me right now summed up. I am the deep down meaning of those stories about past loves and happenings.

It's a stupid thing to do. It's worse probably than being a loner and just hating the world. Cause i'm letting everybody in - but i'm keeping them out at the same as far as can be.
I'm not made for bff shit. I'll go shopping with you if you wanna go shopping. Or if you need new clothes. But i won't be at ease. I won't enjoy hearing what you like about this shirt or that jeans. Simply because i do not care.

I care about the people new in my life. But i don't care about their stories. They've got best friends who know the stories. There's no need for me to know them too. If you want to talk about how you felt that night, where it has taken you, when you broke, who made you realize things. Go ahead. Tell me. Tell me the meaning of your stories. That's what i care about - the meaning. Not the bullshit around it.
I'll get a picture of you that is not true - not you.
I'll get a version of you filled with stories, not meanings. To me, that's an empty picture. It means nothing and even more so it tends to annoy me.

Why are people always having to tell their stories? Why aren't they coming down to what they mean?
Back then when you had your first beer or your first breakdown, the first bad mark in school, the first kiss, did you care about the way things happend or do you remember what it meant to you?

I think stories should be told. Tell them to everybody, but tell them because they mean something, not just because they happend.

Originally posted on darkenedfairy.vox.com

I like Gwens new song.
Life is sweet.
Ben is jealous because i smooched up with his favourite rockstar.
I really like Gwens new song.
My day is going to be 18 hours long. EIGHTEEEEN hours of work. Fucking hell.
& a bunch of bastards.
it's fun how a group of 20 little ones is more loyal to me than 4 people who consider themselves "my friends".
Fucking bummers I say!
I'm way to rock 'n' roll for that.

Originally posted on darkenedfairy.vox.com

you don't really believe he's sipping on tea, do you?

What method do you use to prepare your coffee or tea? 
Submitted by AgentBouche.

black. coffee that is. tea is for the british or the crazy.

All you crazy Starbucks kids really need to have one of those. Sometimes i wonder if there's actually any coffee left in those no-fat-decaf-no-cream-no-nothing-pure-water-thingies.

There's nothing better than black, bitter stimulating black black coffee.

Guess who has had a double-date deluxe last saturday? Yes, ma'am Janine and Svenja. Apparently they went over to Janines with each of their boyfriends and watched a movie, haven't gotten many details.
Awww, Isn't that sweet?

They're not having tea either...

&Yes, i'm just jealous.I really am.I wish i had a boyfriend who'd be the ultimate key to a triple-date! Imagine the fun!

In the three years i've known Janine i've been over to her house exactly two times, once for her birthday party with a hideous amount of people she had talked to once in her life, second time for a bbq with some other kids.
Nows, of course i want Svenja to do whatever she pleases to do and i couldn't care less about them ( as in „those two“ ) meeting up but this really makes me wanna yell "Geeesus, lady you're replacing people in your life more often than you change your pants." at Janine, really.

This whole experience with and around Janine shakens how i see friendships quite a lot. It's a time where i'm changing anyway and some of her actions make me doubt actually some of my principles.

I mean the question forcing itself onto me is clearly „Are people like this?“ More defined „Are girls like this?“.

Is this how my generation sees friendships? Replacable excuses to say "Yes, i did do something on saturday night other than watching telly alone in my room. I'm not a loser. You see? You see?I did do something!!", because that is indeed exactly how those lazy attempts of social interaction people are making these days feel to me.

There are exceptions of course, like there always are and hopefully always will be. But the majority? All pure bullshittin' cocksuckers with low self-esteem trying to get a saturday-night date going on without having to really put an effort in it.

that's what a parteeey should look like, peachessss!

"Pizza and movies? At my house?Sure!!...Oh, you wanna go outside first? Uhm,

like can't we skip that part?"

To say it clearly, those people rather rent Saturday night fever for the seventienth time instead of going out and doing it. It's a lazy attempt to cover up how uneventful and steady their lifes are. Imagine all the people renting a flic about partying going out actually partying. There'd be boogie all over, kiddos. Boggie all the way downtown.

Don't get me wrong, I am  a hermit. I'm the biggest loner you will ever meet, it's a friggin' miracle i'm actually having friends surrounding me and it certainly isn't suprising the least bit that my best friend lives an ocean away in the deep woods of Wales, England. ( Phone calls in the middle of the night in need of a ride home? Nope. Sudden appearance in front of my door, 4 in the morning, cried out eyes saying she's staying for a „couple“ of nights? Nope again. Advantages. Pure advantages i tell ya. )

Yet, if my dear friend Franzi messages me on a friday evening and i can tell she wants to go out desperately - Really go out, not some half-arsed gathering to drink some cocktails and/or the latest J.Lo flic ( i can tell from experience – no.not mine!- that's the most disgusting combo ever.ever.never try.never! ) - if i can tell that she needs a real night out. With a friend, a silly drinking and cozying up on the toilet the early next morning kind of thing.

If that happens i get up and out doing what she needs me to do.

I remember being about five years old, the age you go out on play dates your mum has set up for you desperately seeking to get rid of you because good lord you're quite a shithead for being five. Which five year old paints whole bathtubs in hot pink Cover girl nailpolish? Who in the world?!

But anyway, you go on this playdate your mum had to lie you in ( „She's a real good girl these days, we had a hard time, i'm sure you've heard about when she tried to kill this little boy, Mike was his name, i think?“ ) and after half an hour you start screaming your lungs and heart out because you simply cannot fucking stand this obnoxious girl in front of you with her blonde curly her and all you wanna do is drown her bubbly „personality“ in the bath tub you just decorated with the dog poop you found downstairs ( Fun stuff. ) .

Arctic monkeys - from ritz to rumble - "Said this town's a different town to what it was last night

So your mum picks you up and starts banging her head against the steering wheel of her 1989 Ford thinking about that one time the doctor asked . „Are you sure you want this child, miss?“.

Y'know she could have gotten a Benz for all the diapers instead.

Thing is, you got picked up again if you didn't wanna stay and screamed hard enough and/or resisted her 20something ( I know I know..what a flashback! The 80ies! When parents weren't either 14, neither were they going for their three digits-age when getting a child! What a time, what a time! ) in front of you trying to calm you down with all kinds of precious candy.That's just what moms do, wether they have a 4o'clock appointment at the local Spa with the hot message therapist called Antonio or not. They hop into their cars with just a towel wrapped around their body and pickels in their face in worry of you.

I think basically that's what ruined all those bummers these days. They know they can get out of things if they just bail hard enough. If they „forget“ to charge their phone and if their boyfriends are just have that tiny bit of anti-social attitude they can get out of situations they don't like every damn single time.

Apparently, after a bit of research i have found out that my mum sometimes would pretend to be stuck in traffic and finish her spa session being about 2 hours late to pick me up. The babysitting moms by then were usualy calling the cops as i was killing either the cat or their kids. Fun stuff, once more.

All those bummers now, who have been picked up the second they started yelling ( before the freaked out phone call by the other mom. ) , seem to have turned out as anti-social bailing-pros who can't stand or do anything that seems as too much of an effort.

Solution?

I say shoot them! Shoot them all and burn their phones because they won't use them anyway!

See, i truly believe that if you sometimes just do things without thinking about them, drowning that little voice saying „You don't really wanna do this.You need sleep. And a bath. Or a shower atleast.There's laundry and dishes to clean and homework to do!“ , if you just drown that little bastard in the leftover bits of your CoverGirl pink nailpolish you might just end up doing something extraordinary.

Something like one of your closest mates in your favourite club on a friday night moshing with you to Blurs Song #2 even though she's one of those chicks doing the booty-shake on the daily base. Something that brings you closer to the people you love. Because you do something out of the extaordinary for them.

I'm aware a Hip-Hop-listening 19 year old moshing to Punk songs isn't John Travolta in SNF, i'm aware, yesyes. It's way more real though and way more precious aswell.

It's a very delicate feeling but it's making people spend their last money to come to London with you because you simply asked them to. Just for instance of course.

Maybe that's worth it. Maybe it's not. I just wonder if double dates and John Travolta movies making the little voice in your head shut up for a little but not too long is going to work for your whole life. The entire decades, that is. Every single day. Or if not one day you're going to ask yourself if you couldn't have spent the $2.75 on Cruel Intentions seven, eight and ten for a train ticket or a pint in the pub with your mate.

Originally posted on darkenedfairy.vox.com

Meme

Please leave a one-word comment that you think best describes me -- it can only be one word long.
Then copy and paste this in your journal so that I may leave a word about you.

Feel free to leave them anonymously.And do this!I'm quite excited about it.

i'm slowly but surely getting sick of racism.it always bothered me to even listen to the conversations in politics and history about the WWII as well as the nazi regime.Not because i do not want to know about what happend back then but because i will never and ever fully understand.
( about the nazi camps, don't read if you don't want to.You should know about this all the way. )

i'm not saying this to make you feel bad.please don't cause it's simply not your fault.But how could anyone, wether black or white or orange or whatever fucking color in the world every say something like "I'm proud of being white" or "I'm proud of being black".We all have such horrible and dishumiliating happenings in our past.I'm just giving an example that i know about a litte.The americans did it with the indians, the europeans did it with the africans. And even if you want to say that you're proud of a certain heritage how could you ever be?White people have caused so much pain in the past, black people have cause it even so, chinese people have.Everyone does it every day, we're still causing so much pain every single day.As human beings, as nations, not as friggin skin colors.

How could you ever resemble to something as stupid as skin color?There's nothing special about your skin color.It is not like you would have done anything for or against which shade your skin has.Nothing.It's not something you could ever be proud of.It is nothing you accomplished.It's simple genetics.Simple fucking genetics.And you didn't do anything to become or get that.
Be proud.Be proud about something you actually accomplished, about something you actually did, without worrying fuck if anyone thinks it's wrong or right.But where the hell is the sense in being proud of having a certain skin color?

And i'm not saying that we should forever and ever live in the past.I know that we germans do that, i know that we still feel bad for what happend and we should, to a certain degree, but especially my and the upcoming generation should be living without the guilt.What i am saying is that we have stop comparing "blacks" and "whites" and all that shit.We all have our goddamn vacations and our festivals and every fucking thing you could ever imagine.
Those things are not based on skin color but history.And the history that has been made without you.it has been made by your ancestors, your family.But not by you.Make your own history.Be proud of the history you are making.Because you'll never fully understand the history and it's impact on these days.
Making a history that resembles to just another round of "BUT THEY DO IT!SO I CAN TOO!!!!" is absolutely nothing you can be proud of.Stop comparing and start something you actually did yourself, nothing mother nature or genetics gave you.

I don't even get the whole discussion of people who are against or for saying things like "black pride" or "white pride". I really don't.It's both stupid and idiotic and it's a fucking waste of energy.
With all that energy you could be a part of something better than the usual and ever circling issue if it's unfair or not that blacks are proud of having a certain skin color and therefore whites have every damn right to do so,too.Yes you do, we're living in free countries, (and even that's bullshit) but why would you want to when what you are proud of is nothing you have ever done anything for or accomplished?

grrrr.i'm pissed.PSH TO ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO THINK THAT YOUR SKIN COLOR IS OH SO COOL.IT AIN'T NO COOL.BUT IF YOU LOOK LIKE A DR.PEPPER CAN.

( Mothicons examples )