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Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
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4:58 pm - rasputina, anyone?
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[EDITED TO REDUCE CRUELTY: if you're local to me, don't get your hopes up, here! unless you're willing/able to travel, and soon, you're not gonna be able to see them. also my apologies to known fan ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) missrachael; wouldn't ya know it, they ain't playing the ATL either.]
just because i can't make it to any of these venues on the given dates doesn't mean y'all can't! never mind that i'll be incredibly jealous of you for attending.... go, have fun, take pictures, make bootlegs, and SHARE! <3
and don't forget to thank ignignokt for notifying me that my favorite corseted cello players are touring their talents around.
btw tampa peoples: if my sister's engagement party turns out NOT to be scheduled for 5/21 somehow, and you'd like to roadtrip to ft. lauderdale to see this show with me.... i'll pay for the gas & love you forever! *grin*
current mood:  go go go!
current music: rasputina -- brand new key
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| Wednesday, April 20th, 2005
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9:56 am - the gastro-lepidopteran battle of '05
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hmm, how shall i encourage that colony of butterflies indigenous to my stomach to drop their shivs and their swords, and restore an unstabby state of peace to the region? compromises must be made... warring factions appeased, new alliances forged, treaties painstakingly worded for fear that the slightest translational misstep could lead to a diplomatic disaster of epic proportions and bloody consequences....
or, perhaps it will suffice to alter the pH of the environment, rendering the playing field evenly inhospitable for all parties concerned. yes yes, i think so. *makes gropey at the coffee*
current mood:  uncharacteristically hung over
current music: the hum of headthings a-hurting. and construction! YAY!
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(13 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, April 15th, 2005
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1:03 pm - friendly reminder; emphasis mine.
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"We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aids, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn, which does not forsake us in our soundest sleep."
-- Thoreau, Walden.
current mood: yes.
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| Sunday, March 20th, 2005
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5:10 pm - judging by the rapid onset and cessation of hail...
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...why, today must be the first day of spring! in fact, it is the first first day of spring i have ever spent living here. :D
dear co-marylanders, i wonder, how often is the annual vernal commencement this delightfully... pelty? the icebits were small and round, at times tingly but not painful upon impact. before they melted on my skin, they were cloudy white in color (perhaps a trait inherited from their birthmothers? *grin*), and resembled the grains of rock salt which still litter the sidewalks in many places.
at any rate, the falling of hail has been added to the ever-growing list of reasons that mid-atlantic weather commands no less than my open-palmed love, and head-bowed reverence.
current mood: fingerfroze and cold of nose.
current music: blade choppin inside/water trickling outside
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| Monday, March 7th, 2005
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12:04 am - thank you lemagrag for saving my soul from the little-known evil of The Dragon's Egg.
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while listening to a live feed of this crazy dude (no, not windblown jeebus... i mean the even creepier-lookin fella on the right) insist that pterodactyls and frilled lizards are in fact DRAGONS as described in the book of revelations, and are therefore evil and unloved by god their presumed creator, and cursed as all serpentine species are.... i was reminded of a much more eloquently expressed take on the same story that served as the basis for the crazy dude's bizarre position on particular reptilian life forms.
the story i prefer is written and performed by the always-entertaining jonathan goldstein, a contributor to NPR's this american life. he retells the tale of the garden of eden, and that's all i'm going to say about it, since mr. goldstein does a far better narration than i ever could. but if you listen to the story first and wish to render your opinion, i'd be happy to discuss which aspects of it i found especially compelling, and why. i just hate to send anyone into a story like this with any preconceived notions, even ones as easily discountable as my personal opinions. *smirk*
so, this link here will escort any interested parties to the audio file of the whole program. if you want to hear just the goldstein story in act three (running time = 14 minutes), scroll ahead to minute 42 of the file, and you'll be right at the beginning of act three.
i also heartily recommend act one, which begins in minute 7 of the file, and tells a highly amusing story about a venture in cable TV called "the puppy channel." comes complete with catchy songs!
et finalement, my apologies for the fact that all this american life archives are available only in realplayer format. a free download, yes, but an exceedingly irritating program. :(
current mood:  thai iced tea! *bounce*bounce*
current music: http://207.70.82.73/ra/233.ram
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| Friday, March 4th, 2005
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5:38 pm - *raises a glass*
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| Thursday, February 17th, 2005
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3:52 pm - Easy (validation) meme.
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If you woke up and I was in bed with you, what would be your first thought?
(Now post this in your LJ and find out what mine would be)
[1. i'm not going to credit the person i "stole" this from because, duh, it's a meme. however you feel about the concept of intellectual property, this kind of shit clearly falls far afield of that particular classification. just sayin'.
2. as with every post, i encourage all readers to respond... however, here i would like to extend a special invitation to all the ladies in the house to say hoooooo! or ya know, any other thoughts a lady might like to express on the matter. *bows in chivalrous fashion*]
current mood:  flirty
current music: mom mixin' cookie dough
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| Tuesday, February 15th, 2005
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2:52 am
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dear me, what a lovely valentine's day it has been! my head is still quite awhirl, for uncountable reasons. now, i'm not the kind of girl to put a lot of stock in this or any other holiday really, but i was all aglow at the news that someone else's girlfriend had requested that squeegibo's weekly D&D game not convene on this particular monday, so i didn't have to be the bitch who ruined a perfectly good boys' night in. besides, it is my last night in town for a week, which in my mind trumps both valentine's day, and D&D.
furthermore, i am delighted to report without the slightest trace of sarcasm that our romantic evening consisted of a chinese food picnic in bed, followed by a lesson in some of the basic axioms of set theory, taught by a very patient squeegibo. have i mentioned how much i adore this boy? *blush*blush*swoon*
current mood:  dancey
current music: the sweet murmurs of sleeping logician
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| Monday, January 17th, 2005
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3:36 am - i am the luckiest girl in the world.
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...though for many reasons, to be sure, there is one that stands out especially because i have been waiting for it, at times impatiently, at times with a selfish heart, in both my home state and one abroad. and just as i'd begun to lose hope that my first winter in this climatically quixotic spot of earth would deliver on her precedent, maryland endeared herself to me yet again:
I GOT TO PLAY IN THE SNOW TONIGHT.
now, i've no doubt i'll take it for granted eventually, maybe even get pissed off about it later on.... but for tonight, following the first flurry i've had the privilege to see since i chose to make my home here, NOTHING could have brought me down from the sheer joy of touching finely filigreed particles of ice. most of you know that this weather is like a siren song to me. right now, as it was in snowy times past, when all is veiled yet prismatic with tiny transparent angles, when the world appears both soft and crisp at the same time, when i am able to experience a condition that heals a chronic wound i never could define.... at these times i simply cannot comprehend why i had allowed myself to live *for 15 consecutive YEARS* so near to palm trees and their environmental correlates, so disagreeable to my constitution.
spine still shivering with glee, i know that my next hope is to be outdoors as maryland snow is falling, and then i will wish it to stand deep enough to crunch boots in. but now i know, maryland dear, that i can be as patient as you want me to be. how long i have waited to live here, to call this feeling of pale dusted woods a part of my primary residence, makes the winter only sweeter. the forecast for the remainder of this week contains such refreshing words as breezy and blustery. wednesday even dares intimate i will soon have another chance to feel the snow in my hands before it hits the ground. and if it does, oh, this time i'll be ready with arms outstretched.
current mood: delighted
current music: a 28°F bolero in my brain!
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| Friday, January 7th, 2005
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2:05 pm - attn: virginia residents
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awful things have been proposed in virginia. this bill is sure to incense you, whether it's because you think compromising people's privacy in favor of a sketchy agenda is WRONG.... or as a woman who could possibly miscarry one day, you take it personally when people may create a reason to investigate your spontaneous abortion (for those who don't know, spontaneous here means the naturally-occurring, way not-on-purpose, and [for now at least] NEVER a woman's fault no matter the gestational age of the fetus kind of abortion).
the following is excerpted from the linked article, but i wanted you to see here the long list of questions, including some highly personal and arguably totally irrelevant ones, that a woman who has miscarried would have to answer within 12 hrs of losing her pregnancy if this bill is passed. see if you can spot the items most egregiously UNRELATED to treating the health of a woman who has miscarried. though to be fair, no one ever said treating the physical or emotional health of the women is the stated intent of the proposed law. in fact the bill's sponsor, john cosgrove, expressly stated that its purpose is to attempt to reduce the number of "trashcan" babies. so isn't it even weirder that *not only* is race one of the many items to be reported, but that hispanic origin (if any) would be required information? the marital status of the mother and father of the miscarried fetus? why would they need all this information? you do not have to report your conception. fewer questions are asked when a legal abortion is performed. and though it's pretty dumb, you're not at all required to see a doctor for prenatal care. oh, i can't wait to see whether the police would actually prosecute women for failing to report the details of their very personal traumas within the required window. because wow is that not okay.
excerpt:
What's in the Commonwealth of Virginia Report of Fetal Death?
Virginia Board of Health regulations specify the required information on the Commonwealth of Virginia Report of Fetal Death. Delegate Cosgrove's bill provides for no modification of this form when women report fetal deaths themselves.
The report requires the following items for spontaneous fetal deaths:
* place of occurrence
* usual residence of patient (mother)
* full maiden name of patient
* medical record number and social security number of patient
* Hispanic origin, if any, and race of patient
* age of patient
* education of patient
* sex of fetus
* patient married to father
* previous deliveries to patient
* single or plural delivery and order of plural delivery
* date of delivery
* date of last normal menses and physician's estimate of gestation
* weight of fetus in grams
* month of pregnancy care began (sic)
* number of prenatal visits
* when fetus died
* congenital malformations, if any
* events of labor and delivery
* medical history for this pregnancy
* other history for this pregnancy
* obstetric procedures and method of delivery
* autopsy
* medical certification of cause of spontaneous fetal death
* signature of attending physician or medical examiner including title, address and date signed
* method of disposal of fetus
* signature and address of funeral director or hospital representative
* date received by registrar
* registrar's signature
* registration area and report numbers.
Remember, Virginia defines "fetal death" regardless of gestational age [emphasis mine, because this is a very slippery tactic indeed], and requires reporting of deaths of all "products of conception".
i know there are a couple of you on my friends list who live in VA, and who can probably tell more VA residents about this bill than i can. please feel free to link/copy/paste/email any of the information here. no need to ask me. please help stop this bullshit as soon as possible.
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| Friday, October 1st, 2004
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6:05 am - vividity, lucidity.
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i am alone in the forest. i had driven there, and was out of the car for the purpose of meandering. meander, meander. and then i see this man. he's fairly creepy looking, tall and scruffy, and he looks at me in a way i deem odd. in fact he's sort of staring. he walks toward me, and all i can feel is RUN. so i act like i sense a diversion, and lightly run in the opposite direction.
then more stuff happens i can't remember.... but now i know his name is vladimir and he keeps pursuing me, and i'm scared. our clothes are ragged from alternately fast and slow chase. we're exhausted. but nothing violent has happened yet... he's clearly interested in me for some reason, and i just want it to stop. being in an isolated and unfamiliar setting, i guess my nonreciprocity translated into (irrational?) fears and an intense desire to flee.
all the same, i'm getting desperate. at one point i call kathy from a pay phone (yes, in the endless forest), with vlad watching and listening from not far away. i'm kind of panicking, he's staring straight at me, i ask kathy if i'm overreacting or if this could be dangerous, and she tells me i need to get out of there immediately. "what!? did you say he's standing right there?" *loud whisper* "YESSSSS!"
so with panic redoubled, i suddenly decide to face him. i am angry. he is sad. he says he loves me, and he tries to hand me something. i recoil, still afraid for my life, but i see that it's food. having been scared and moving with little rest and with no food for i guess a few days, i take it, and gratefully. i still express no desire to touch him or even really be his friend. i am wary, but now less so. we've become reluctant companions.
what feels like another day or so passes, and he's still giving me those fawning looks. i hate him for it but i stick by his side because i am lost and hungry and he seems to have direction. i no longer care where he leads me, as long as it's safe.
enter the crocodiles.
they are fucking EVERYWHERE. i don't know where they came from, but there are hundreds. they're not quite so densely packed that escape necessarily entails stepping on crocodile, but they are spaced at such intervals as to make an intact getaway unlikely. this sucks.
vlad's eyes open wide with surprise, but not fear. he is confident and set on escape, and he throws an arm around me bravely. "follow me, quickly!" he zigzags within the croc-less space, fleetly darting away from white teeth and cracked green skin. a few of the beasts waddle towards him. now they're coming after me too. i'm terrified, but i have to move.
so i imitate his surefootedness and pretend i'm not afraid. it was close, i heard snapping jaws but refused to look back, and so i made it across and caught up to vlad. at some point, my contempt had melted. i feel only relief and deep affection when we fall into an embrace.
now there are other people behind us. who knows where they came from, but when i turn around to look at them i see a scene like gazelles leaping over a croc-laden pit. by sheer number, many escape... but the slowest runners and lowest leapers are lost. vlad turns to run, and grabs my hand. we hear screams and cries behind us as blood is drawn and flesh is quartered.
those who survived now straggle alongside us. there are maybe half a dozen, plus vlad and me, in our party. unbelievably, we reach an actual building. whatever it is, it must be safer than out here. so we enter, and it's some kind of residence. we're in a sort of garage, and there are cars. i hop into a car and lay in the back and fall asleep instantly.
when i wake, i'm in the front passenger seat, and vlad is driving. he hands me something small. i take it and inspect it, and it is a ring of extrordinary craftsmanship. it is strange to behold. there's an outer layer of what looks like thin copper coiling... it appears to be metal but it's incredibly soft to the touch. this was spiralled around a thin band of a different metal. this inner band seemed to emanate light on its own. i'm not explaining it well, but the design was quite intricate. at the top was a tiny peach-colored flower and two green leaves. i couldn't tell if the flora were real... they seemed alive but without the possibility of decay. fresh, rooted, and sparkling and somehow magical.
as i admire the gift, vlad tells me it's everything he has. he has no money, no other possesions, only this ring. he wants me to have it, despite my protests, and i'm profoundly touched. "put it on!" he says excitedly. neither of us can contain our grins when we see it on my hand. in that moment, it's the loveliest thing i remember seeing.
and now we're driving up to an airport. he seems to know where he's going and why, so i neither ask nor assume anything. i just quietly hold his hand. when we arrive, we're still so fatigued, we just slide to the floor. he kisses me passionately. i'm too weak to return his affections to the same degree, but i try my best. i feel light and invisible, on the cold hard floor.
our flight is soon, but we go outside one last time. i don't know why.
i see a man reading a newspaper, and somewhere i see an announcement that vlad will die. it was bizarre for this to be foretold, and i knew it, but i didn't take the existence of this news with nearly the incredulity i would have in the waking world. i did however accept it as completely true.
this may be where i started to realize i was dreaming. vlad's impending death a foregone conclusion, and my feelings for him still just beginning, i faced him calmly and with tragic distance. maybe he knew, too.
i never found out how he died... not for sure. still outside at a sparsely populated airport, all of a sudden i feel that prickling reptilian fear again. i hear far-off hissing. and suddenly a large pack of velociraptors is eyeing us. claws scritching the concrete, they surround us. i wiggle my way behind this misplaced desk. i know the raptors could fit through that space as well, but i sit quietly wondering whether they know that. running through my head is the phrase "smart as a cat," again and again.
vlad's posture is defensive. he is strong, but there are so many. i want to feel even more terror, because it is right. i don't want him to die, and so soon, and so violently. but i saw in the paper that he wouldn't be with me for long, and besides, lucidity was ever more rapidly infiltrating this dream. i was getting a stronger and stronger feeling that i could stop this.... somehow.
the very last scene before i willed myself wake was the raptor's face inches from mine. cold skin, and these huge unblinking yellow cat-eyes. vlad squeezing my hand so tightly.
at that point i remember thinking one final thing: "fuck this," and instantly i was awake and trembling and staring at the clock. it was 5:20.
current mood: adrenaline still shaking me
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, September 17th, 2004
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12:45 am - good news/bad news or both or neither
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well my dad took one look at me this afternoon and said, i know why your resting heart rate is so fast... your thyroid is huge. and the dumbness is i didn't notice a thing until he pointed it out, then i looked in the mirror and was like holy shit you're RIGHT. i'm all goddamn swollen, in the approximate shape of a butterfly with a wingspan as wide as my neck. let me tell ya how COOL i feel. :P
but, this could be construed as good news in disguise. the hyperhumungous thyroid means my metabolism is probably genetically out of whack, causing a rabbitesque heartbeat due to low cardiac output, *rapid* and debilitating fatigue from exertion, and that horrible claustrophobic drowning feeling that causes the former: shortness of breath. awesome, right? in a way it's good, because this can be treated with pills. i will need my blood drawn to be sure this is the appropriate course of treatment, but my dad the surgeon of many years is quite sure.
also this is cool because, if i may be frank, now i don't feel like quite such an out-of-shape, physically incapable, much too sedentary, oversmokin, cheese-lovin ice-cream-eatin dork. not that these things are suddenly untrue, or even too damaging if taken one at a time.... but it's nice to have a reason for some of the consequences of these behaviors, a reason that isn't my fault. i'm by NO means off the hook, but the fact is, i've taken much worse care of myself in the past and found it weird that i would at this relatively-not unhealthy time of my life be throwing up after lifting a few boxes or getting lightheaded takin the trash out. i haven't really been able to work up to real exercising because it feels like some kind of panic attack within minutes. i figured i was reaping the whirlwind for years of bad habits, and this may still be partly true, and in fact i bet it's MORE important that i take better care of myself now that i pretty much know i have a congenital disadvantage. but a piece of the guilt has been lifted and i have to feel kinda good about that.
wow. it's weird because i'm still quite self-conscious talking about these things.... i feel bad and lazy and suck when i admit to my lifestyle.
and in more trivial news, though it doesn't feel that trivial right now..... ebay is driving me 12 kinds of crazy. times ten. these beastie boys tickets are probably the best i could buy, in the front row of a front section, and the seats are even on the aisle closest to the stage. i had a feeling if i got a bid in i'd be on pins and needles the whole time... luckily i'll find out tomorrow whether to rejoice or just let it go. *bites nails*
and in what is unequivocably the BEST news i've had since yesterday, i received an email from a smart and sexy lady friend including the following line: Dara, if you ever would like to turn completely lesbo, call me. Maybe I'll come visit you sometime. :) heee! SCORE! i'm a girl with options.
current mood: heartbanging, more than usual
current music: dad snoring behind me
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| Thursday, September 16th, 2004
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1:37 pm - MAN
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why the fuck did my computer clock skip ahead 3 hours and scare the shit out of me? my dad gets in at 3, and my clock read 4:33. i knew it wasn't right when i thought about it and consulted time.gov but it still made me panic which was NOT NICE of it.
holy shit. it did it again! maybe it's LJ because i fixed my shit manually and now it and the timestamp on this post are trying to read 4:37. rahhhhrrrr!
current mood:  NO
current music: white zombie -- real solution #9
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11:36 am
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props to squeegibo for a fantabulous dinner, complete with leftovers to look forward to.... i forgot to mention, i think my dad will enjoy the eggplant as well. we'll probably eat some of that tonight. :) and thanks for playing with my computer and demonstrating that even people who know about computers also speak angrily to them and flick them off sometimes. that makes me feel better. thanks also for one more galoise. ;)
also i thank aaron, who doesn't have an LJ for some reason, for guiding me through ebay yesterday. that was fun! :D
missrachael, i had a weird dream, and you and max and squeegibo were there. i kinda want to talk to you about it, but since my dad arrives today at 3, i'm not sure when's best to call. maybe i should just say, in all seriousness, please be alert. i don't necessarily think it matters, and even if it did none of my concrete memories about the dream say anything useful, but i was really kind of terrified when i woke up, and even though it probably means nothing, i'm gonna worry for a little while. i love you, and i'll call at some point and see how you're a-doing.
how is max, anyway? :)
current mood:  rather mixed
current music: loud thoughts
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| Wednesday, September 15th, 2004
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6:55 am - durrrr
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if you're tempted to vacuum while wearing a long flouncy skirt, don't. especially if you're using the hose attachment. and it's a wrap-around and the shades are up and children are walking to their bus stop.
but, the amount of walking space in here has embiggened muchly and while my shit still isn't exactly orderly, except for in the kitchen, it gives the illusion of moderate order. FUCK YOU ENTROPY.
cleanliness should be its own reward, i know, but part of me feels like i deserve a cookie. or maybe a donut. yeah, a donut! :D
current mood:  morning-dumb
current music: beastie boys -- sure shot
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2:09 am - don't have sex then get real creepy
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i'm cleaning a whole bunch. my dad arrives on thursday and will be sad if my apartment is dirty or has ashtrays in it.
i hate cleaning because it's nearly impossible for me not to do it stupidly. incidentally it's for the same reason i was a shitty closer when i worked at B&N. i feel very all or nothing about it. i get all pissy when i can't/won't adjust the environs exactly to my liking, and by dubious logic i know, this often means i just don't try at all, unless someone's coming over and i know i'll be real embarrassed about my squalor. also when i do clean i have a tendency to focus on one area, and usually not even the most salient one, and clean it perfectly, then just stand there and admire it for awhile. this takes too much time and is dumb this early in the game so i do my best to reach the point of OH FUCK IT.
in fact earlier i was wondering if i can throw my oven mitts in the laundry. they're the kind with the silvery quilted shit on the inside, and dirty fabric on the outside, and no tag instructing me... then all of a sudden i had that moment of clarity that made me go HEY, this is a case in which i don't care about the consequences enough to stop and think about it so in the machine they will go. moments of fuck-it clarity are the only way i get domestic stuff done. besides, what's the worst that could happen to oven mitts? you tell me, i don't cook often enough to have a funny oven mitt story.
today's blue kitty head repesents how i look when i scrub things and curse at them. which was going on 5 minutes ago, and probably will again 30 seconds from now. goddammit.
current mood:  drunkish and impatient
current music: bruce mcculloch -- lift me up
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| Tuesday, September 14th, 2004
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6:38 am - the sky is blushing
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it's a very pink sunrise that's now going peach. i guess i'm glad i stayed up like i have been doing, however strung out i feel right now.
i cleaned some. there is much more to go. maybe someday the boy i call martha stewart dumptruck for reasons lost to history will move in with me and earn his keep by cleaning the apartment and cooking me brown food. and then we could go have adventures, because everything he does feels like an adventure.
look, this floating blue kitty head has a DAISY FOR YOU.
*craves mango salsa*
current mood:  fuckin around
current music: my delirious laughter
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| Monday, September 13th, 2004
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5:55 pm - a toothsome remedy
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i think i chewed my lip open in my sleep last night. because i don't remember this raw stinging hole in it.
naturally the only thing that makes it feel better is chewing on it a little more.
current mood:  in some measure of discomfort
current music: deltron 3030 -- virus
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5:39 am - yay new music ganked from squeegibo
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free samples of deltron 3030. also if you can fall asleep with this album on cool things might happen. i dreamt of spaceships, circling a swirly shadowy event horizon... something like this.
i rise like helium
you're falling rapidly
trapped in apathy
while i track your speed
i'm what you call a legend
dominance with armageddon
gives me a warm reception
verbal war with weapons
installation
blowin the star dust
distance twelve parsecs
enthuse your phalanx
with my literary talents
just a bit of balance
rip the silence
in space all-star systems
are our victims
-- positive contact lyrics excerpted
current mood:  can't stop boppin'
current music: deltron 3030 -- positive contact
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(8 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, September 10th, 2004
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6:37 am
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hooray for slowly-breaking sunrises. <3
current mood:  *yawn*
current music: tumble-dry
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50% chance of snowgasm
