Current mood:	uncomfortable
Current music:	its hip to be square

...but there is no real me, only an entity, something allusory, and although i can hide my cold gaze, and u can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping urs and maybe u can even sense our life styles are probably comparable, i simply, am not there.

i am really uncomforable in my skin as cliche as that has become, my left eye has not stopped twitching for one complete minute the entire day...

i was talking to my brother online and i was a little late for my buisness meeting, half an hour, but we never agreed on a time, Marydan sent me an email saying that i should stop by one of the computer labs during our normal class period, which i did but class starts at 5 and i got there at 530 so whatever i apologized for not getting there earlier...but with that, and the fact that i didnt go to the last class, which was optional and our grade on the last project, she was pissed...Apparently when the teacher says this class is optional, just come if u want to see the technology in the classroom for fun, it means u better show up cuz ur psychic and u know ur partner wants to talk to u...& the last project, we got a 109 out of 150 so thats not so hot but she's in turn mad at me because i did the whole project, but why, because i had done it on accident and she'd rather have me hand in what i had than be bothered...and she's pissed that she has to take the final now, o boo hoo...its cake, the final is no new questions, only questions from the first 3 tests and he gave us copies of the tests and the answers so what a couple hours of studying guarantees and A, o shit girl but hey have a heart attack anyway and make me feel like shit...christ ur lucky i come to class at all, ask my other groups from other classes, they dont even know i have a beard, fuck i only go to the class because its at 5pm so its tough to miss and shes hot, but fuck that...im glad i only have to go 2 more times, the presentation and the final...one of the few times i get mad at someone because i liked this girl and have been overly nice to her and i thought things were going well but shes way too uptight about grades, shit gotta have a 4.0, while i wont be allowed back next year..suck on that bitch...

I dont wanna make friends with any of these kids, i am afraid of making friends, the future is not worth it, i want to make my friends again...its not good cuz im only here taking up space and killing time until i can go home, which isnt home anymore but a familiar place that im visiting for the first time all over again...but when i go back, all my old friends will be there but they'll all be killing time at there folks houses just waiting to get back home to their schools...and that makes me wannasomebody...they arent my friends anymore, they're all somebody else's friends by now.

i went out to my spot to smoke, think, ride the rail and throw a racqet ball against the wall and there was a cop car on the WWII veterans garden sitting guarding the Class of 1949 Terrace, my sanctuary, i dont know what the fuck, if its just a good look out spot or he was jerkin off or if they have heard of a kid going into that area once a night and expect drug use and vandalism, but i went to the other side of the buidling and threw the ball as hard as i could over and over and had to chase it a few times, I HATE...

....and no new knowledge can be extracted from my telling, this confession has meant, nothing.