Toxic Super Freakouts

R.I.P. Purple Thunder.
june 1998-august 2007


That's right folks. Good ol' Purple T. made her last drive down the Stevenson yesterday, and went right back to the dealership where she came from 9 years ago. Friday she broke down for the 3rd time in as many months, and we all decided we should do what's best for her and put her down. Now she can run around on a farm with other Chevy Cavaliers from the ninties, and be free. And when I say run around with other Cavaliers, I mean be sold to a drug dealer at Auction or to a junkyard for scrap. Almost the same thing.

Anyways, it's all very bittersweet. Now I have a brand new Black Cobalt with a Silver pinstripe that's pretty awesome. I mean the stero works without me pounding my fists on the dashboard, so really it's WORLDS better for me. But still, as I kissed (yep, i kissed the car) Purple Thunder goodbye yesterday, and started to tear up, I had to ask myself if this new car could ever mean as much to me or get through as much as my old girl. We'll see. I guess. All Hail, BLACK THUNDER.

(i know i could get more creative with the name, however, my first bike when I was a little girl was named "Sweet Thunder" Then there was "Purple Thunder" so why break the streak? y'know?)

Okay, well this is it. I'm off to England!!!! (again).

Stay tuned for posts from across the pond. If i'm not too busy enhancing my genius at Cambridge that is....


-love always and forever,
e

Ok. So i don't think I am going to Cambridge this summer because I happened to remember that I am not rich, and opportunities only exist for those who are. I have applied for financial aide, and loans and such, but i think my school is just going to steal all that money since everytime I call to find out where it is, no one answers the phone. Kind of like I do when creditors call me. 

In other news, I went to see Peter, Bjorn and John with Dawn, Sara, and Tim last week. It was a great show, however I was slightly put off by the opening band. I liked their music okay, but their "look" was that of a bunch of fundamentalist mormon girls playing keyboards. Which would have been uh-mazing except they weren't fundamentalist mormons, they weren't even from Utah. As you may have guessed by now, they were from Brooklyn. Which means they put alot of effort into this look, and the thought of the conversation they prolly had about not "trying to look cool" made me sick. But i really liked their music. I just wished they were all "sister-wives" to the same guy.

Today (it's only 9:52am)  three people have called me to tell me that R. Kelly is on the cover of the SunTimes where there is an article called "R U Serious?" I just wonder why i haven't gotten more calls since this is clearly the most amazing thing of all time.

So just as Me and LIndsey have gotten our apartment finished, i think we may have to move. Last week I read a review on complaints.com about my landlord, calling her a "slumlord". This set off a chain of events, whereby I realized that I have been waiting 10 monthes to have a  lightbulb replaced, i had no hot water to take a shower tuesday (and besides that  I usually only have hot water in 5 minutes bursts) and I realized she is prolly gonna ask me for the $425 pet deposit she asked for upon finding out we got kittens. Well, here's the deal, I don't know about her past experiences, but I didn't say we got 2 gorillas, we got two kittens. In my estimation in an apartment with hardwood floors, kittens can't really destroy much. In fact, all that my kittens have ever been known to ruin is a night's sleep and their own toys. SHE should pay ME for the kittens who are probably killing any kind of rodent or pest that lurks in my house somewhere, saving her both exterminator money, and a very angry tenant. So long story short, we're looking for a new place. Although the thought of moving makes me want to die.

Peace out.

So me and Linds went to Florida for our anniversary. This happened:

Since we've been back, Lindsey quit her job. I found out i am gonna graduate in December, and we discovered that we have every single nintendo game ever on lindsey's x-box. This is gonna be a problem. We had enough of a problem leaving our house before this, and now star-wipe to this morning to when i seriously considered quitting my job to play "bubble-bobble" all day.  We played Mario 3 for 3 hours last night, and i think there will be a Jeopardy or Double Dare tournament tonite. 
*note to Griff: it would really be in your best interest to get over to my house as soon as possible.

We are thinking of adding another kitten to the family. I saw the best orange kitten on craigslist, and decided that it was a combination of the the three orginal supercats (dawn's cats fred and garf and my cat alex) reincarnated and destined to be my new son. I will name him Pat Grady, and all will be right with the world. 

I am still trying to go to Cambridge this summer for study abroad, although it will cost me my left kidney in student loans. My friend Anne says "there's alot of free money out there Erica, you can do it, especially since you're a lesbian studying russian history". I don't exactly know what her reasoning for that is, but i really like it. 

I went out last friday with my friend Jenna and drank for the first time since my housewarming party in december. I fell off the wagon, hard. real hard. By the end of the night, i had thrown up twice in the bathroom of Holiday club, had a conversation that included the sound byte "I am like the king of the ass-eaters!" and gotten a free t-shirt for doing something that i'm sure was horrifying, but i don't remember what it was. I also threw up on the sidewalk outside my house, after a 3 minute cab ride. Lindsey said i was really fun, and i said thanks honey, i have to go to an AA meeting now, thanks for encouraging me. She also said i was really cute throwing up on the sidewalk, so i told her she has to start going to meetings too.

I am at work right now, and my t-shirt has hanger nipples. It's really annoying.

other than that, everything's commin' up Erica.

I just wanted to remind everyone that this was the cover of the "special edition" of "Thriller" and i don't think i even need to tell you why.

really long version: 
Okay, wow it has been a while bitches. Okay so...
Christmas was great. New years was boring. Valentine's Day was lovely. 

Valentines: So we decided to be low-key since we recently purchased a tropical vacation from Orbitz for the weekend of our anniversary next month, and didn't want to spend any more money since everyday is pretty much valentines day in our house anyways. Anyways... so we just went to Leona's for dinner. Well, in their smoking section there was a very large video screen playing old 60's and 70's music videos. Well about midway through dinner "Dancin in the Dark" was played (my valentine's miracle) and the male half of a very weird couple seated across the restaurant jumped up and started yelling "BRUCE!" and dancing. His wife (girlfriend, sister?) just stayed perfectly still, looking down at the table, and began (i suspect) silently weeping. It was then, that the ghost of valentine's day future showed up. I asked Lindsey if she thought i would be like the guy yelling along with BRUCE! in twenty years, and before i could finish the "ce" in Bruce she began nodding her head in agreement, and much like the women stuck with man ashamed and weeping on the table, Lindsey also began looking down, with a nervous smile on her face.

We have started calling Vadar "Sharkula" and Moscow "FDR". The other day, Lindsey was playing with Vadar and she said (in a movie announcer voice), "Sharkula is, 'Sharkula Two, On the Move!'" and I laughed myself to tears. It was pretty much my favorite thing she's ever done.  

I am trying to work out a study abroad program for the summer in Cambridge. Lindsey is trying to work out going on tour with her friends' punk rock band for the time that i am gone. I thought that was a kinda funny contrast. 

I should be almost done with school, which rules so hard. Especially if i do this summer program, then i should only have one more semester left. Its wierd to think about being done, because i have been in college for so fucking long it just started to feel like something i would actually never be done with. I can't really imagine being done. Which is good, because actually with Grad school, i never will be.

Tonite is my dad's birthday and i have been informed (by him) that i am supposed to come home from work, bake him a birthday cake, and drive to Bolingbrook, where i will take him out to dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings where my sister is waitressing. I really can't imagine a more awesome scenerio. When i told him (in case he forgot) that i am a full time student and i didn't really have time for any of that, he responded "Your time doesn't really matter on MY BIRTHDAY". well okay then. 
 
I have begun taking medicine for the soul crushing anxiety that has ruled my life for the better part of 25 years. So, far it's working out pretty well. 

I was on this website that makes custom wall stickers of words for your house, and i made one for my friend Sheba, that said "Sheba, we're not even friends anymore" and she bought it, and put it on her wall at home, which is pretty much the most amazing thing that i have ever been a part of. 
Other than that, i have pretty  much just been trying to nap until winter is over.
 i guess thats about it.

I basically just had a massive heart attack. I don't think i will sleep until these plates (new spring collection from designer Thomas Paul) come out. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Well, what to do when waiting the long 24 minutes my "Hey Look at my Torte!" Torte is in the oven? I know, update my livejournal. Lindsey is in the living room watching a marathon of "I shouldn't be Alive". Moscow is sleeping on the kitchen chair, exausted from watching me bake. Vadar is doing something ridiculous somewhere. Ahhhhhh family.

It feels nice to have my own little family. And our own little perfectown. BTW, housewarming next week! DUH!

Tuesday me and Griff, Dawn, and Sara went to see Morrissey, and although Me and Griff had all access passes (thank you Matt Walker aka Moz's drummer) I am not pregnant with Morrissey's baby. Apparently, Moz is ususally in the car leaving the venue before the band finishes playing the last song. Which rules. I'm really glad Morrissey is really as bizarre as he should be. And I'm really glad that there was a giant GONG that Matt got to play. 

Other excitement: based on the superior design of my Housewarming invite I may get to take over some of the graphic design for the salon. Which is awesome, and gives me the creative outlet that the voices in my head so badly crave.

So, another "no shower thanksgiving" at my dad's house. None of us are allowed to shower, and coming in your pajamas is suggested, but not manditory. My sister and her boyfriend will be there (our own private version of Britney and K-Fed), and Louis (her boyfriend) is making Stuffed Shells. You know, that old thanksgiving classic, stuffed shells? Well, i'm looking forward to it. Tonite, me and the wife will put up the christmas tree, and watch the holiday heartwarming favorite "Farenheit 9/11) oh and as for the snuggling? yeah, there will be lots of that. 

happy t-day.
turkey down.

"Been a long time, shouldn't left you, left you, without a dope beat to step to, step to step to..."

Hey dere. So i am at work. Alone with a computer until 2:30. I should be studying Dostoyevsky's "Brothers Karamazov" but instead, the lure of the internet has got me, and i am instead figuring out how to get a hold of the L Word season Three DVD as soon as it comes out on Tuesday. Because that is important too.

In other news, while i was trying to watch ER the other night, Vadar hunted and killed a centipede, which was much cooler to watch than ER. He actually used some sort of kitten Jedi trick noises to make the bug fall from the ceiling. IT was awesome.

I know what you're thinking. My life sounds kinda sad. Watching cats kill bugs? really? Yeah, i know, but trust me it's not as boring as it sounds. Maybe?

Okay, so here's the big thing. I entered my living room in a contest for CB2 and Apartment Therapy. My pics aren;'t up on the contest website, but when they are everyone has to go and vote for me. Here are the pics i sent... under the title: "When Life Hands You Limes Living Room"




So yeah, that's pretty much what i have been doing for the past two weeks. Running around my living room trying to figure out which exact angle to put the lime green coffee mug on the side table, and which acrobatic position do i have to be in to get a good picture.

Anyways, vote for me... i put up the link when it's there. Love you, mean it.

So Moscow is a boy. The adjusment has been hard on us but we are gradually getting better at switching pronouns and de-feminizing our little transgenered cat.  Vadar still watches me do my makeup. I guess there is no hope of either of my sons making the football team.

I have decided that if i don't get curtains up in my house really soon, i'm probly gonna kill myself.

Fall is here, and i'm really excited about it, even though it has thrown Lindsey and I into a cycle of head cold, sore throat, recovery, sinus infection, recovery, chest cold... etc. Throw in a bout of alleged kindney infection/cervical cancer and a mysterious painful lump on lindsey's skull and you have a pretty good depiction of life in the hypochondriac ward in the Perfecttown ER.  

Yesterday i called Lindsey a "fucking retard" twice. Once when she complained about having matches instead of a lighter. And once when she attempted some sort of handicapped karate kick from the couch trying to get Vadar away from my bratwurst on the coffee table, knocking over a full diet coke onto a new rug. The move was so ridiculous in fact that although i was furious, I couldn't help laughing all the way to the kitchen whilst grabbing the carpet cleaner. All of this would be just another day in the life, if it didn't make me realize that i really cannot escape having my mother's
short, german, temper causing one to go from jovial to fiery rage in .5 seconds and then back again just as quickly. It made me scared as a kid, and now it makes me laugh. i hope it's as funny to others as it is me. Nobody takes me seriously anyways so it has to be. 


Yeah, i'm real bored at work.  good luck and godspeed.

oh yeah, we went to a sox game, it was fun.

So at work on wednesday Glenn figured out that if you say "it's awesome" fast, it sounds like you are saying "sawesome" I went a step further and started saying "sauce em". Now i can't stop and it's like my new favorite thing. 

Tomorrow at 8am me and the wife are taking the kittens to get de-genitalized and to finally find out whether or not Moscow is really a girl. We have the gayest cats. The boy watches me do my makeup every day and the girl might be a boy. Lord have mercy.

School's great. I'm slacking as usual, in fact i SHOULD be writing a paper right now, but i'm not. Sheer exaustion coupled with a Rockstar energy drink led me to the manical state of YELLING at my Russian Lit Prof. about the satire of Gogol for 20 minutes. A definate "what the fuck is the matter with me?" moment.

I ran out of gas for the 5th or 6th time the other night. My dad asked me how many times a Genius has to run out of gas before they're not a genius anymore. What was especially AWESOME about this particular time is how my cell phone died at exactly the same moment that my car did. SAUCE EM. 

yep. work school wife kittens sleep. That's pretty much it.

on saturday at work Sheba, Glenn and I had meat fest. This involved a pizza with three different kinds of meat on it (including my lover procuitto) and italian sandwiches from potbelly. meat fest was followed by "this is amazing, lets do it every week" fest, extended gut fest, and after work, nap fest.

I bought a killer vintage couch off craigslist on sunday for $50. The catch, it's filthy. Re-upolstering project in our future.

I made the kittens' appointments to get they're pee-pees snipped. the lady at anti-cruelty asked me if Vadar's testicles were visible. i though that was an entirely personal question. i

i bought myself new school clothes at target yesterday, it made me really happy, and nostalgic for the days when you could say "new school clothes" and not feel like an asshole who's 24 and too old to be in school still, much less too old to be saying "new school clothes"

tomorrow Anna Jackson and i debut "team moscow" a little performance piece we have been working on, where we jog into bars and parties wearing our matching adidas "moscow" track jackets and shoes. there will be sweatbands involved as well.

i had an emergency freak out this morning when i realized i registered for the wrong class for fall semester. luckily i caught in in time to switch the class to: russian literature. the fact that there was still an opening in this class a week before school starts makes me really nervous. The fact that its a russian literature class also makes me really nervous.

tonite: salted cured meats at lindsey's restaraunt with sara. mmmmmm

that's it.

Okay so, i had to pick up an extra shift today, Sunday to help out my boss. I am so bored my brain is melting out of my ears. 

Some other stuff: The new apartment is on fire. Nicknamed "Perfect town" by those who have crossed it's threshold, it is living up to its rep for sure. There is so much space in this bitch i can never find Lindsey, and vice versa. But after 3 months in a studio together, sometimes not being able to find each other is wonderful.

I also think i am gonna quit drinking. The past few months, the few times that i have gone out, i have spun violently out of control on most occasions, leading to the sickening black cloud of "what did i do?" regret that i am currently experiencing. Like when you start remembering some of what you said, and all you can do is wince. Yeah. That's where i live right now, and i wanna get out. So, no more benders for me at least for a while. My name is Erica and i'm pretty sure i'm an alcholic. 

Other than that, things are great. I was voted "best new hire" at work, which is awesome because the day they told me, i was 35 minutes late and i'm almost positive there was drinking induced vomit on my chin from the nite before. AWESOME.  

Dear Chicago,

I am disappointed in you, once again. I was one of the the most adiment supporters of the "dance party" movement that really picked up steam last year in clubs around the city. However, as with most other things you have beaten this once fun activity into the ground, and turned into a boring, overstimulating fiasco. The people are all same, the fashion is all the same, but most of all, the fucking playlist is all the same. Until i can go to a party and not hear
-Anything by Peaches
-Anything by MIA
-The Rhianna song "SOS"
-The new Nelly Furtado Song
-Le Tigre

I am Boycotting Chicago Dance Parties. Just because you have an Ipod, or some Turntables, and a bunch of kids in off the shoulder shirts, you are not a Dance master. Please stop throwing parties.

I know i will get shit for this post, but i am so devestated, that my one outlet of fun has been taken away, that i don't care.

Love
e

Okay. So I am feeling stressed right now. In fact an annurysm/ nervous breakdown could happen at any given moment. I have chosen LiveJournal to bear the brunt of my whining/ranting/ raving. Here goes:

Dear Life, 
I have a list of grievences I would like to address

1. My nails are too long. So long in fact, that typing is difficult, which makes even writing about my rants and raves difficult. Mama needs a mani-pedi.
2. Lindsey needs a job. Her current employment ends in August, and we aren't really sure where September's rent is coming from.
3. Lindsey's car seems broken. It is making a strange grinding noise, and is undriveable. So now the car that she pays a HUGE monthly payment for is useless. 
4. I am moving next week, and the U-haul truck i reserved is not coming from the location next to my house, but rather one in some unknown corner of the city. I mean who goes to North Ave and Cicero?
5. I need money.
6. Both of my outstanding bills from "Trapped in the Hospital" have gone to collections. Which is fine, I expected that, however paying for getting a 5 minute ambulence ride, and a saline IV when you've been drugged by a pervert is not my idea of fair, not by any means. PS, my credit score had JUST gotten back to the "average" range. So much for that.
7. I have to cancel my RCN service, however, whenever i call, the wait time to talk to a human is like half my life, and who has time for that? Not me!
8. The process one must go through to get a student loan at my school may as well be: Following a map written in Sanskrit to a moat full of blood thristy crocodiles which you must cross to get to an active volcano into which you must jump, while local tribesmen shoot poison darts at your neck. After all this, you have to talk to people at a bank, which is the worst part of all.
9. My father calls me everyday asking if i have completed the process mentioned in #8.
10. I need furniture.
11. My new landlord NEVER remembers who i am, or why i might be calling her.
12. I have no time/money to take the kittens to the vet to get their first set of shots, which i am pretty sure they re too young for anyways, however my father has made it ubduntley clear that if they are not vaccinated immedietly they will both contract Distemper and die horrible deaths in front of my eyes in a matter of hours. His unusually zealous rant on this topic has made me really paranoid about it.
13. Whenever Moscow tries drink from the water bowl, Vadar bites her in the eye.

That's it for now. Someone send help. Please. I bet Oprah could help me.

Well, the dream is complete. We are officially living the complete lesbian dream. Meet our kittens: Moscow and Vadar. 8 weeks old, and full of mischief.


family photo


Moscow: center stage


"we're kinda scared of the flash!"

Yep, so there they are. Our little bundles of joy.... and claws.

So check it out. My birthday was great. I think. I was hungover until tuesday. The party was on Saturday. I was still drunk all day sunday.

Judging from the photos, i became a pirate at some point in the evening. And i kissed alot of people. And my girlfriend scowled at me because of that. Then some gays showed up and there was alot of dancing. Anna Jackson's gold tooth was a huge hit, and i got a huge bottle of chocolate covered champaigne. I guess. I mean i don't really remember any of it. But i trust what my camera tells me, so....

But wait, there's more. Tuesday was my official birthday, and so me and Lindsey went to the MCA for the warhol exhibit. We ended up getting in a fight with the guy in the gift shop, because he wouldn't let us buy the display version something they were out of. I wanted to say: "Just because you are middle aged, and all you've managed to make happen for yourself is a management position at a museam gift shop, you don't have to take out your bitter failure power abuse issues on us" but i was still too hungover to care enough. Anna Jackson and Todd were there too.

Okay, so here's the best part. So then we went to the Signature Room for lunch. And when i opened the menu there was a like a love oath that Lindsey wrote to me, and once i figured out that that;s what it was, I looked up, and there she was holding a ring from Tiffany, shaking and PROPOSING!!! 
BOO YAH! 
Who would've thought... I didn't actually have to drug, or bribe someone into wanting to marry me! So there it is. I am engaged. I can't wait to tell my dad that he has to pay for my gay wedding. He's gonna love that.

In other news, i won these creepy potholders from ebay:


yep, that's about it. Oh, that and i learned yesterday that you should NEVER try to go through the Jewel self checkout line with $100 worth of groceries. Unless you like hearing "Item removed from bagging area, please replace item" over and over again like it's some sort of haunting nightmare, and you like everyone in the store staring at you like you are a mentally challenged chipanzee that kills babies.

that's just my advice to you.