For the first few months, Donna felt it. She felt a gut emptiness, like something was missing or out of place; like a relative or friend had died suddenly; like she hadn't eaten in weeks. And she searched for the gap in her life. She tried. But she hadn't lost weight (worse luck), all the friends she'd lost contact with still emerged in her memory as idiots, none of her favourite possessions were missing. She walked Chiswick in a daze, searching for a face she wanted to recognise. She decided she wanted more in life- more than nights in and nights out, more than telly and calories and January sales and friends and chips. And Donna, never being one to put up with discomfort, emotional or otherwise, set out to get that bit more that she wanted.

    She re-sat a fistful of GCSEs and A Levels, started to learn guitar, and assumed volunteer work for charities. She was confused by her mother's reaction to all this. Sylvia would normally have been furious, saying the poor and the aged could find money themselves, while Donna concentrated on her own income, not silly exams and banjos and rubbish. But she was encouraging enough, even a little proud. She seemed to be treating Donna tentatively and tearfully, like she were someone returned from a coma, learning to walk and talk again. Once Donna screamed at her, demanding that she explain the heartbreak, care and even fear that shone in her eyes. She had made no reply, whilst Wilf looked sadly at this angry granddaughter, then retreated up the hill to look at his "bloody spaceships and what-have-you."

    Through her volunteer work, Donna met William Stanley. They clicked instantly. He made her stomach flip- he was drop-dead gorgeous, but it was more than that. He had a stammer, and reminded Donna greatly of someone, but as hard as she thought she couldn't put her finger on who she had in mind. One job they were both put in was to work in a children's home for a few months. The place was lovely, and the kids were stars, but it was shocking what some of them had endured in the past.

    "I-it just makes you th-think," William had said one night whilst they cleaned the bathroom, "This w-world is so horrible, there's g-got to be something b-better... something more."

    "There's me," Donna replied quietly, before leaning over the toilet they were scrubbing to kiss him. He didn't object, kissing back. A year later they were married, William only stuttering once during the vows, and Donna's flowing dress disguising the small bump. Mrs. Stanley gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, who she felt inclined for no explainable reason to name Jack. William agreed, calling a "good, strong, c-classic name", and kissing the foreheads of his wife and son. When Jack started school, Donna took up paid work again, as a secretary in a small insurance firm, but before long she was pregnant again.

    Her daughter was born only eight months later, in a very complicated and frightening birth, during which both daughter and mother had to fight to survive. The baby, named Jacqueline, had autism and epilepsy, and was in and out of hospital for months. It was that year that Wilf died, peacefully, in his sleep, but with no warning. Donna quietly slipped into depression, partly grieving, partly post-natal. When Jackie was six months old, Donna tried to kill herself, overdosing on sleeping tablets. William found her, curled up stiffly in their bed, ghostly pale and bleeding from her nose. She had her stomach pumped and awoke to Jack sitting solemnly by her hospital bed, his feet dangling over the huge chair provided, clutching a box of man-size tissues and a crayon drawing of himself crying whilst a stick woman with a wealth of bright red hair lay stretched out and rigid on a metal bed. She hugged him tightly and said she was sorry, again and again.

    A counselor checked up on the family weekly for the next five years, helping William to coax Donna back to happiness, and assisting in focusing Jacqueline's extraordinary talents: where basic social function was missing, it was made up for by amplified maths and artistic abilities. She flourished in her special school, as did Jack in the local comprehensive. He had possession of Wilf's old telescope, and was fascinated by aliens as a result. When he was younger, he insisted that nightly a blue box hovered above the house, but when his Mum continually laughed at his story, he stopped bringing updates.

    Donna cried when Jack started secondary school, and kissed his cheek and ruffled his hair. Unlike most boys his age, he wasn't mortified, and simply laughed and ruffled her hair back. The years flew by and suddenly Jack was off to college, in Cardiff. Donna fussed over Jackie while Jack was gone, delighting her by taking her shopping and out for coffee, dressing up with her and singing into hairbrushes in her bedroom, making her feel like a real girly girl. Jack re-appeared that summer, tanned, at least ten pounds lighter, and with a boyfriend in tow: the charming and adorably Welsh Ewan Harkness-Jones. The surnames rang bells but Donna was too busy being shocked, then delighted for it to bother her. When she eventually met Ewan's parents, Ianto and Jack, she was stunned at how much Ewan resembled them: he couldn't really be their son, after all. Ewan and Jack had met through the band their mutual friends had set up, and when the pair were in Chiswick they practiced together, with Donna filling in the missing guitar. Jack was heartbroken when Ewan left him for a girl, who he had first tried to pass off as only a close family friend, Beth Cooper.

    "Bloody Welsh," Jack had muttered into his Mum's shoulder as she comforted him, "All in-breds, all got the same surnames..."

    "I know, sweetheart, I know," She soothed, "His father wasn't the most faithful man either."

    "How do you know?" Jack frowned. But Donna couldn't answer, because she didn't know how she knew. When Ewan and Jack sorted out their problems and surfaced as friends, the whole Stanley family gallavanted off to Cardiff, sick of package holidays and much appreciating trips out into the Welsh countryside. Once, Ewan and Jack, who seemed to be spending more and more time together, got Donna alone. "Mum," Jack said in a hush, like he was scared but very excited, "Listen, Ewan's parents, they work for this-"
One of Ewan's Dads suddenly swept in out of nowhere, long coat swishing behind him, and seized the boys' shoulders, saying,

    "Right, guys, I told you that I'd show you that bay, and I'm never a man who goes back on his promises," before he frog-marched them away, looking back to smile reassuringly at Donna.

    On the first back in Chiswick, she was sat in Jackie's room, watching her sleep, when she stirred and sat up.

    "Mum," She said, "The Bad Wolf is happy."
Donna giggled.

    "Do you mean Red Hiding Hood, darling?" She replied, "The woodcutter cut the big bad wolf open, remember?"

    "No," Jackie insisted, shaking her head, "I mean Rose, Rose is happy for you."
She fell asleep almost instantly, leaving a perplexed Donna to go to bed herself. She lay down beside William and stroked his hair gently.

    "I'm so glad I've got you," She whispered, "You made me better. You fixed me."
He stayed silent, smiling and holding her hand.

    The following year, Donna's mother was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer.

    "Your Dad would've loved to see you like this," Sylvia smiled, "You've come so far. I'm so proud of you."
It turned out that Jack was back with Ewan again, and had been for some time. Sylvia was present at the civil partnership ceremony.

    At Sylvia's funeral, Donna saw a man she vaguely recognised, throwing a purple rose into the grave. She stopped him at the after party.

    "Hey, don't I know you?" She asked him, brightly as she could muster what with the occasion, "I'm Donna."
He shook her hand dutifully.

    "John Smith," He introduced himself, trying not to look too long at the wrinkles around her eyes.

    "Oh God, I remember you!" She exclaimed, "You were at my house that night everyone was wittering about planets! Gosh, where've you been, a vat of vinegar? A time warp?! You don't look like you've aged at all!"

    "Well, I use one Hell of a moisturiser," He grinned. She laughed.

    "God, could you point me in its direction please?!"
The man laughed along, and when the laughter died, he swallowed and bit his lip with a nervous smile, but before either of them could say another word, he was swept away by a wave of people making their way to offer their condolences to Donna.

    Jack and Ewan disappeared into the sunset, to Cardiff, only making their next appearance at Jackie's graduation from her special school- but when they arrived they had an inexplicable baby girl, and Ewan was looking a fair bit curvier. Obviously the jawline wasn't the only thing he had inherited from Captain Jack Harkness. Donna still saw John Smith around occasionally, and stopped to smile and chat, once enquiring why he was always wearing the same suit.

    "You know in cartoons, when the character always wears the same clothes, and then it turns out that they've got hundreds of pairs of the same outfit?"

    "Yeah..."

    "Hello, that's me!"

    They even went for coffee together, childishly flicking the froth at each other, making Donna feel so young again. She found herself apologising to William, even though he didn't confront her. At her insistence, they renewed their wedding vows. They were delighted to learn that Jackie, who was thriving at college, had a boyfriend called Roy Parker, who as well as being polite and an effortless wit, had two autistic sisters and therefore knew exactly how to react to Jackie. The wedding, although long after the pair finished University, seemed to come in no time at all. Donna tossed her mother-of-the-bride hat to the floor, and flopped down on the sofa with William.

    "What do we do now then?" She asked, "Golf and knitting?"

    William set about re-decorating the house, finishing all those little odd jobs he never quite had. Donna took to baking, and fussing over Marie Harkness-Jones (Jack had decided to take Ewan's name and be done with it, to spare their children from triple-barrelled surnames). John came over from time to time, young as ever, and Donna practically shoveled home-made cakes down his throat. "You are too skinny," She pressed, "If I gave you a hug, I'd get a paper cut!"
He laughed out loud, chewing obediently on his mouthful of cake.

    "Donna Noble, Earth girl!" He exclaimed without thinking. She furrowed her brow.

    "Why'd you call me that?"

    "Sorry, sorry. I still think of you as young Donna Noble... red haired flurry of down to earth witticism."
She fingered her greying locks.

    "If you were such a good family friend, how come I never knew you?"

    "It's complicated," He said, "I... was good friends with your Grandfather, rest his soul."

    "He didn't mention you."

    "There was a sort of disagreement... as rift, a disturbance in what should have happened..." He went off into a daydream, and when she snapped him out of it he leapt to his feet, burbling that he must dash and would see her soon. He stopped on the path as she waved to him from the doorstep. He stooped to fish something brightly coloured out of a puddle. "Ooh, Donna, what's this?" He smirked and winked as he handed her the lottery ticket, "It could be you!"
And it was.

    Donna and William moved away from Chiswick, away from London, nearer to the countryside, and bought a beautiful cottage, spending what they hadn't put aside of their winnings on doing it up. Marie loved it, spending hours playing in the garden whenever the family came to stay. The summer that news arrived that Ianto was ill, everyone rushed up to Cardiff. He luckily recovered,but could no longer work with his husband and the others, something Donna failed to understand as she was certain that he was only a receptionist. Beth Cooper took his place and Jackie announced she was pregnant. Donna was terrified that her daughter would have a fit when she went into labour, but twins were born healthily, and their grandmother doted on them. They were named Joshua and Ella, and looked so much like baby photos of Donna that it was creepy.

    On Marie's thirteenth birthday, she went out and got her lip pierced, without her parents permission. Jack went ballistic, and looked expectantly to Donna for back up, but she just smiled and said it look "fantastic and sparky, you little punk!", to which John Smith laughed and laughed when told the story, saying,

    "Good for you Donna, oh, good for you..."

    William, whilst painting the front of the cottage, fell from a ladder and injured his back, and was rendered immobile and wheelchair-bound. Donna looked after him faithfully, giving him all the care and attention he needed.

    "R-Remember the-the kid in the wheelchair at the ch-children's home?" He asked her one night as she helped him into bed and then lay down beside him.

    "Yeah. Charlotte, wasn't it? God, I loved that kid! Why would anyone give her up? She was an angel."

    "She was born with- what was it? Two hearts?"

    "Yeah. They had no idea how it happened. They removed one but it weakened her whole circulatory system, and she lost the use of her legs. Her Mum, Lucy, she was Harry Saxon's wife; remember, the prime minister who was assassinated? She was pregnant at the time, the poor love, and she became a manic depressive after the baby was born. She went into hospital, and they never deemed her a safe guardian for Charlotte again. I wonder were she is now, that lovely girl."

    She fell asleep wondering, and woke up the next morning, horrified to find that William was completely paralysed. He was rushed to hospital but slipped into a coma. When asked, five days later, after Jack, Jackie, Ewan, Roy, Marie,  Joshua and Ella had arrived, if she wanted William to be put on life support, Donna declined. She'd heard his opinion on the machines, and knew he wouldn't want to exist like that. She whispered in his ear that she loved him, and held his hand as he slipped away.

    She next saw John Smith a week later: he just appeared on her doorstep like magic, and enveloped her in a tight hug. She cried over William, something she hadn't done yet, and felt some sort of release inside her. John stayed for longer than he ever had: at most she saw him for a few hours at a time, but now he stayed for nearly a fortnight, sorting out everything for the funeral and making sure that Donna knew she wasn't alone.

    Jack and Ewan "adopted" another child, a second little girl who they called Emily. Jackie, who had become quite the professional photographer, took a beautiful studio portrait of Donna and all her grand children. Stubborn remaining streaks of red shone defiantly from her hair, and her wide, genuine smile told most of the thousand words that the photo was meant to. She gave a copy to John, who managed to keep in his pocket without folding it, despite the fact it was A4.

    "You could at least pretend to get older," She told him, both crossly and jokingly, "Talc your hair, draw wrinkles on your forehead. God, I really don't understand you John."
He smiled, and left within the hour, and she didn't see him again for months on end. Marie fell pregnant at seventeen, and as Donna held her tiny little pink great-grandchild- a boy, named William after his great-grandad- she felt like life was almost completely. Almost. In spite of all she had done, Donna still felt she was missing something. Daily, she felt her strength decline. She made sure all loose ends were tied up, and then patiently waited for death to come.
   
    She was woken one morning by a somehow familiar sound- a whirring of engines that made her heart swell with excitement and anticipation. She stared out of her bedroom window as a blue box materialised from nowhere right in the middle of her front lawn. She made to go downstairs but she could hear footsteps running up to her, and then John bounded into her room, the rubber soles of his sneakers bouncing of the floorboards, his grin ecstatic.

    "Donna!" He yelled happily, grabbing her arm. She almost stumbled.

    "You watch it, space man, you might not get older but I'm decrepit now!"
His grin widened.

    "You called me space man," He breathed, "Listen, Donna, I've got someone I want you to see."
A young woman with long blonde hair walked into the room, smiling.

    "I- Charlotte?!" Donna gasped, "But you- your legs!"

    "Simply really, bit of re-generative energy sacrificed by me and given to her, right as rain, you should see her run, she couldn't be faster if she was on a bicycle with jet engines!" John explained happily
Donna was astounded, reaching forward and pulling Charlotte into a hug.
"I travel with her, now, Donna, like we used to,"

    "Like we- what?" Donna asked, something nagging at the back of her brain.

    "Sorry, Donna, I'm so sorry, but you're going to die very soon. As in today," John told her, squeezing her hand. There was a pause, before Donna shrugged.

    "Don't mind, everything's sorted out. I've had a great life, haven't I? Although..." She fell silent, then said, "There's something missing."
John swallowed, praying he'd got his calculations right.

    "Donna. It's me. The Doctor."
Donna gasped, her eyes widening and her hands fumbled to clutch fistfuls of his brown suit. It felt like someone had poured a bucket of freezing cold water over her head. It was like she could breathe so much easier, and like she was seeing everything in its true light and colour at last. The TARDIS, the Daleks, Jack, Martha, Rose, the Odd- Doctordonna, Doctordonna, Doctordonna!

    "Doctor!" She breathed, "But you said if I ever remembered, my brain would-"

    "I know," He said, holding her close, "But you're going to die anyway, naturally, before the burning gets to you- and I am so sorry-"

    "I don't mind! I don't care!" She told him, tears pouring down her cheeks, "Thank you, Doctor! Thank you!" The Doctor clamped his hands over Charlotte's ears as Donna said the Doctor's full name, before Donna's eyes slid shut, and her knees bent from underneath her. The Doctor caught her and held her, kissing her forehead and hugging her limp body tightly, looking at the relieved and peaceful smile on her face.

    "You were brilliant, Donna Noble." He whispered, "Completely brilliant."

    The first problem that they were faced with was that of where everyone was going to sit. Sue and Dee opted for the edge of the bed, Matt was on the floor and Russell was in an armchair opposite the bed, with Noel perched on the arm. He had attempted to sit in the chair and pull Russell onto his lap, but Russell had objected shyly, mumbling that he didn't want to squash Noel. Sue looked around expectantly at everyone. Everyone looked expectantly back. Sue sighed exaggeratedly and moved to the other end of the bed, digging in the bedside cabinet and pulling out a packet of cigarette and a lighter. She lit up impatiently and took a long drag. Russell looked at Noel in panic, who looked at Matt, who sent furious expression messages to Dee.

    "Er, Sue, can you put that out?" She said, taking hold of Sue's arm. Sue scowled, breathing out smoke clouds.

    "Why?" She asked, doing no sign of obeying.

    "Just please, put it out." Dee repeated. Sue laughed.

    "Why?!"

    "Listen, Sue," Noel said angrily, "There are things about Russell that you don't know, and there's a reason more important than my life that you put that fucking cigarette out."

    "What, is he asthmatic?" Sue asked dryly, waving the cigarette in Russell and Noel's direction. Russell subconsciously crossed his arms over his stomach. Sue looked at him and raised her eyebrows. Dee snatched the cigarette out of her hand and smashed it down onto the ashtray on the cabinet. "Jesus, chill your bean," Sue muttered. Russell turned to Noel, and whispered in his ear,

    "Should we tell her?"
Noel shifted himself so he could murmur back,

    "Certainly not now, I've never known her like this... and sorry, but could you stop touching your tummy? As far as she's concerned, that bump is too many cakes and too much of Kerouac's peanut butter, so try not to look like you've got an emotional attachment to it, okay?"

    "You know," Sue said loudly, "I can't see the point in us all being here to talk if no one's going to do any talking."

    "Alright then," Dee said, "We've got some sort of mix up here. Like a love triangle, but with more sides. A love polygon. I've all got conflicting emotions and attractions and messed up hormones, agreed? We need to get it all out into the open. Russell- who here would you have sex with?"
Noel spluttered with laughter, and Matt clapped his hands together.

    "Who here has a heartbeat?" Russell asked with a grin. Dee wasn't smiling.

    "Alright, if you can't be serious, Noel then."
Noel paused.

    "Russell, obviously," He said, "And... that's it."

    "What if they other person involved in this mess was included?" Dee asked softly. Noel swallowed.

    "If I wasn't with Russell, and Russell wasn't... I mean, if I wasn't with Russell... then yes, I would."

    "What if I was with him?" Sue demanded, knowing full well that they were talking about Chris.

    "No. I wouldn't."
Sue snorted. "What do you want me to say?!" Noel exclaimed, "Can I help who I find attractive?! I know you and Dee are doing something or other, and I knew you did fuck knows what when I was still with her! So, Sue," He hissed, "Who here would YOU sleep with?"
She looked around.

    "Just Dee," She shrugged, "You're being a cockface, Fielding, Dee's one looks like a tramp-" Russell let out a laugh, not because of the insult, but because of the similarities between Matt and tramps that he had jokingly pointed out in the past. Matt grinned too, meeting Russell's eyes, but they were both silenced as Sue continued, "And I used to find Russell vaguely attractive, but now he's, and I don't mean down there, doubled in size-"

    "Sue!" Dee shouted, "Why are you being so horrible?!"

    "I've got a lot on my mind!" Sue shrieked, "The man I love just left me, can't you understand that?!"
There was a long silence.

    "You need-" Dee started. Sue shook her head, saying hushedly.

    "No, no, I can't..."
Dee held out the phone. Sue shut her eyes and raised her hands to her head. Dee took hold of both her band member's hands and lowered them, switching on the phone and putting it into her hand. She swallowed, and slowly, with shaking hands, keyed in Chris' number and raised the handset to her ear. Noel looked at Russell, and was shocked to see that his eyes had welled up with tears. He gripped his hand and whispered in his ear,

    "Do you want to go in another room for a minute?"
Russell nodded. Noel stood and led Russell out into the hallway, gesturing to Dee quickly that he needed to speak to Russell alone. Once out there, he gave Russell a hug. "Hey," He said comfortingly, wiping Russell's eyes, "It's okay, darling... she doesn't understand what she's saying,"

    "I know," Russell sniffed, "But how can we tell her, Noel? What'll she say? And there's still so many people to tell... just these months have gone so fast already, soon I'm going to have to hide... and I... I don't want to, Noel," He gripped at his fiancee's jacket desperately, "What am I going to do with myself? No work, no company... I'm going to go crazy, Noel!" Noel opened his mouth to respond, but then heard Sue's voice getting louder and shriller in the other room. He froze as she let out a scream, then dashed back into the room, dragging Russell by his hand.

    "I don't believe you!" She wailed into the phone, jumping to her feet as Dee tried to calm her as much as possible, "You're not, you can't be!" Tell me why you broke up with me! Chris!" She shrieked, stamping her foot and tossing her head, her hair flying wildly across her face. "Tell me that you hate me! Tell me that I'm not pretty enough!"
Noel could just about make out Chris' words as he replied.

    "I'm sorry Sue, my darling, my Sue... I'm telling you the truth."

    "No, no!" Sue sobbed.

    "The reason I'm leaving you Sue... is because I'm dying."

    It was only some time after Noel left that Russell realised how very dark it was. It was dark outside obviously, as it was late night and the sun had set hours ago. But not a single light in the house was switched on, save for the small lamp on the bedside table. Russell huddled up again the pillows, his eyes darting from the slightly ajar door to the tree limbs hitting against the window, and back again. He heard a creak from the kitchen, and started as the lamp flickered.

    "It's alright, little one," He soothed, rubbing the bump, knowing he was comforting himself much more than the baby, "You're safe... you're with Daddy..."
He jumped again and pressed himself further backwards as he heard a clatter in the kitchen, like a spoon being dropped. He looked at the light and the window again. He was sure that the bulb was going... and wasn't that branch a different shape a minute ago? He swallowed, his heart starting to pound. "Don't," He said agitatedly to himself, trying to slow his pulse down, "It'll worry the baby..." He wanted to get the book Nadine had given him, to pour over how the baby was developing now- tiny face, tiny expressions and, already, tiny movements that Russell was sure he could feel- to distract himself, but he didn't dare hang over the side to retrieve it from behind the sheet curtaining off under the bed. His phone and iPod weren't in reach either, so he curled up with his head in the pillows, eyes wide open as he heard more noises from the rest of the house. He froze, sure he could hear breathing in the kitchen. "Noel?" He called weakly, too scared to raise his voice properly. Out of the corner of his eye he could see out of the door into the dark, convinced he could see someone approaching. The light died and the whole room was plunged into darkness. There was an exclamation of,

    "Oh, what?!" from outside the room, in a very Noel-like voice.

    "Noel?" Russell cried again, louder this time, sitting up and squinting into the darkness.

    "Effing powercut!" The voice replied, "Russ, you got any candles?"

    "I don't know," Russell called back, "Noel, if that's you, just come here, please come here." He held out his hands and scrabbled for Noel, breathing a sigh of relief when he felt his fingers slip into someone else's. "I was fucking scared," He breathed. Noel held him close.

    "I'm sorry..." He soothed, "It's okay, I'm here now...have you got any candles?"

    "There's a torch in the top draw of the bedside cabinet," Russell said quietly, somehow feeling indecent to raise his voice, and feeling quite silly that he had been afraid. Noel turned the torch on and spun it in his hand, turning to Russell. He grinned, putting the torch in his mouth so that his cheeks glowed red, pulling it out again and shining it in Russell's face.

    "I've got something for you," He said, holding out the box of milkshake powder and spoon. Russell ripped off the lid but handed the spoon back to Noel, who scooped out some of the powder into Russell's open mouth, like a baby bird being fed by it's mother.

    "Wanna play?" Noel asked, grinning, spinning the torch so the light fell into all the corners of the room before coming to rest again on Russell.

    "Play... what?" Russell replied, as seductively as was possible with a mouthful of strawberry milkshake powder.

    "Games." Noel smiled.

    "Love games?"
Russell was already taking off his shirt.

    Sue cradled her phone, staring at it as it rang and vibrated. When Chris rang off, she quickly clicked her way into her inbox before he could try again.

    leave me alone, i don't want to talk to you

she replied, tears pouring down her face. He replied much too quickly.

    please sue, i'm sry and i need to speak to you

She sobbed loudly and threw the phone across the room. It hit the bedroom wall and the back snapped off. She ran to pick it up, and was relieved to see it was still on and working. She rang Dee's number again.

    "Where are you?" She wailed desperately to the answer phone, "Please come home!" She hung up and then paused. She suddenly realised where she'd be. With Matt Morgan. Anger and jealously welled up inside her and she lurched towards Dee's chest of drawers, tugging open the top drawer. She sifted through underwear and CDs, checking each scrap of paper until she found a number with "Matt" and a heart scrawled underneath it. She stabbed the number angrily in and raised the phone to her ear, holding her breath as the dialing tone began.


    Matt and Dee found themselves in a tangle of bare limbs and bedclothes as he scrabbled for his phone, which was on the floor beside the bed. He didn't recognise the number, so quickly showed it to Dee, who squeaked and then grabbed the phone.

    "What's wrong?" She demanded, pushing her fringe out of her face and trying to cover her unclothed body with the covers, even though she knew only Matt could see her.

    "Haven't you got my texts?" Sue's voice wailed pitifully.

    "No, I haven't looked at my phone, are you alright?" Dee replied, panicking now. She didn't notice Matt's expression growing steadily darker.

    "No, I'm fucking not, Chris is texting me and trying to call me, and I don't know what to do, Dee! I don't know what he wants, I'm really scared... please come home."

    "I'm coming," Dee promised, "Just hold on, I'll be there soon." She hung up and got to her feet, reaching for her bra.

    "Where are you going?" Matt said quietly. Dee spun around to look estrangedly at him.

    "I've got to go back to Sue, she needs me-" She babbled, pulling on her clothes. Matt suddenly stood and grabbed her wrist.

    "Are you sure it's as bad as she's making out?"

    "Of course, she wouldn't lie to me!" Dee said undoubtingly, trying to pull herself from Matt's grip.

    "I'm not saying that," Matt continued in a low voice, "But she might be inadvertedly bending the truth without realising herself... because she's upset..."

    "Don't try and pretend you understand Sue!" Dee yelled, twisting her arm out of her boyfriend's grasp.

    "I understand more than you realise!" He snapped back, "You're forgetting I've been through this, with Russell!" Dee stared at him, silenced. "I have just had to cope with losing all hope of being with him again, because of Noel and their baby!" He continued, his voice thick with passion, "I don't want to have to lose you, before we've barely even started! If you're flitting between me and Sue constantly and don't know where your loyalties lie, then I'm... I'm not safe with you." It was silent for a few moments, before Dee flung her arms around Matt's neck and held him tightly.

    "Come with me," She whispered, "I need to go to her, but come with me."

    "Okay." Matt replied simply, kissing Dee's forehead before letting go. She called Sue back again.

    "Sue, I'm coming. But Matt Morgan's going to be with me, is that okay?" She paused, "Yes. Alright. See you soon." She looked up to see that Matt was already dressed. She blinked. "That was really quick, how did you do that?" She asked with a dazed smile. He winked, and waved his hands in front of his face.

    "Magic." He grinned. A few minutes later they were both outside, Matt locking the front door and Dee running a brush through her hair. "Listen," Matt said, as they walk up the path, "Can we go and get Russell and Noel? I think we all need to talk." Dee pondered then simply nodded.


    Noel and Russell were more covered with strawberry milkshake powder than clothes when there came a knock at the door. The lights had come back on just a few minutes earlier, but they had not bothered to get up to put the torch away. Noel dusted some of the powder off his shoulders and chest, which was difficult because when mixed with Russell's saliva, it had become rather sticky. He got up and pulled his boxers and jeans on, making his way to the front door. He opened it and looked out at the two people stood on the doorstep.

    "You know, I remembered you being thinner than that," Dee said brightly, dodging around Noel and peering in the direction of the bedroom, "Is Russell decent?"

    "Yes, I mean, no, I mean..." Noel stammered, "What are you doing here?"

    "We're all going to me and Sue's place, I'll explain on the way," She replied, "Me and Matt will go and get Russell up and dressed then!" She seized Matt, who pulled a "I'm sorry she's being like this" face at Noel as he was dragged to the bedroom. As soon as they were out of sight, he couldn't help but look down at his body nervously. He straightened up and cleared his throat, going to get a shirt.


    "Noel, you've got pink dandruff," Dee hissed, as she unlocked the door. He shook his head vigorously, and Russell brushed some of the remaining powder out of his fiancee's hair. Neither Noel nor Russell were very pleased at being dragged out of their home at this hour, but they weren't complaining, agreeing with Dee and Matt that everyone needed to communicate with each other. Dee lead everyone into the bedroom, where Sue was curled up, staring straight ahead, her eyes wide with mascara smudged underneath them. She looked up.

    "Fuck's sake Dee, I said you could bring Morgan, not a whole fucking crowd."

    "I'm sorry. But we all need to talk," Dee explained, crossing to Sue and squeezing her hand before prising the mobile phone from her fingertips and turning it off.

    "Hey," Sue said to everyone in general. Matt and Noel mumbled hellos in response.

    "Alright Sue," Russell said, raising a hand in greeting. She looked at him.

    "You've gained weight." She commented bluntly. Russell tugged on his black jacket.

    "Thanks, you're looking marvellous too," He said crossly.
Noel put his arm around Russell's waist, touching the bump briefly to reassure him.

    "Right," Matt said decisively, "Time to talk."

    Russell was slumped lazily on the bed, leaning against Noel for support, all hands on the bump. Russell sighed, exhausted but content, when all of a sudden his fiancee took his hands away. Russell looked questioningly at him, the comfortable mood unsettled.

    "You must be sick of all this attention on the baby," Noel said, "Let's have a little time appreciating you."

    "What's left to appreciate?" Russell snorted, "Acceptable body- gone. Fantastic sex- gone."

    "The sex is still fantastic,' Noel grinned, "And your body-"

    "Is gorgeous, blah blah blah," Russell cut across, turning around and kneeling p to prod Noel in the chest with a single finger, "But do you know what I've got, Noel Fielding?"

    "An STD off a random ladyboy?" Noel smirked. Russell's face fell.

    "I... how... how did you know?" He said softly, "Did... did Matt tell you..? Oh, God..." Noel looked horrified for a moment before he was pushed down onto the bed by a laughing Russell.

    "You believed me!" Russell hooted, "Noel, that was just me doing a bit of skillful actoring!"

    "I have to believe everything you say now, after that!" Noel objected, gesturing at Russell's middle.

    "Well that leads back to the matter at hand," Russell continued, putting his hands on his hips in a way that Noel thought pleasingly feminine, "I've got stretch marks, Noel. Stretch marks."
Russell sounded so affronted that Noel couldn't help but splutter with laughter. Russell scowled. "Don't laugh at me, Fielding."

    "Sorry," Noel giggled, "But what did you expect?"

    "I expected stretch marks, doesn't been I have to accept the fact that I'm getting them!"
Noel laughed again, shutting his eyes and pressing himself down into the mattress. Russell waited for the laughing to stop, quite hurt, but it didn't so, without thinking, he brought back his hand and slapped Noel across the face. His eyes snapped open and he jerked back upwards.
    "What was that for?" He demanded, rubbing his sore cheek.

    "Stop..." Russell swayed, suddenly feeling dizzy, "Stop laughing at me!'

    "I wasn't laughing at you!" Noel cried, "I just... Russ?"
Russell flopped down onto the bed, rolling onto his back and breathing heavily.

    "I just... sorry," He breathed, "I just get... really worked up about nothing... and right now I feel really dizzy..."
Noel suddenly felt sorry for Russell, and pulled him up to give him a cuddle.

    "This whole pregnancy thing's tiring isn't it?"
Russell nodded weakly. "What do you want, right now?" He continued. Russell looked up at him. "Mad cravings, whatever, however weird it I'll go and get you it, you deserve a treat going through with this mental stuff. Off the top of your head, what d'you want to eat, hold, see, anything."
Russell didn't hesitate.

    "Strawberry milkshake powder. Please." He added, to show that he had maintained his manners. Noel lay Russell down properly on the pillows and kissed him gently.

    "Strawberry milkshake powder it is. I'll be right back."


    Dee was in tears, sat at the dining table with a cup of tea, swamped in Matt's silver jacket. He was leaning against the fridge, his arms folded, listening to Dee as she spoke.

    "I'm so sorry," She sobbed, "And I'll end it with her, and... if you want, I'll stay away from you... I just didn't know what to do." Matt raised his eyebrows at her. "It's just, she's my best friend!" Dee wailed, "And I think I do... did... have feelings for her... and she's so, so lonely... I just-"

    "You just thought you'd betray me to make her feel better and to get the attention off her you always wanted?" Matt said coldly.

    "No!" Dee shouted, "Don't be... so horrible!"

    "How do you want be to act, Dee?" He yelled back, crossing so he was stood right in front of her, "You want me to say it's all okay? Well it's not okay. It's far from fucking okay. I've had shit in relationships all my life and with you, I finally thought I had something special. Someone I could trust. Someone who..." He stared into her teary eyes, "Someone who loved me."

    "I do," She choked effusively, "You're my world, Matt Morgan!"
He gazed at her steadily.

    "But Sue's your gravity. Without either one of us, you'd be lost. Am I right?"

    "How do you know that?" Dee sniffed.

    "Because that's how it was when I was with my last girlfriend... but I was fucking Russell at the same time."

    "Why did you break up with her?" Dee asked hushedly. Matt blinked.

    "She found out." He said shortly.

    "Then why aren't you and Russell together?"
Matt snorted.

    "Russell never wanted to be with anyone, he just wanted sex and someone to tell him they loved him. He craves affection. Noel's lucky to still be with him."

    "Do you reckon... if there was no baby, they'd be together?"

    "I don't know. I suppose babies can save relationships. Stay together for the kids, and all that."

    "So if I get pregnant will you forgive me?" Dee smiled wetly. Matt laughed.

    "As long as it's not with Sue's baby."
Dee started to laugh as well, and before she knew it she'd slipped her hand into Matthew's. He looked at her, then took her in his arms, holding her close.

    "I really am sorry." Dee whispered.

    "So am I." Matt replied gently.
Dee's heart swelled with relief and happiness. What she was unaware that across the room, in her bag, her phone was silently aching with texts and missed calls, as two people tried to contact her again and again:

    Dee, are you with Sue? I need to talk to her, and she won't pick up her phone. from X

    Dee, Chris texted me, he's trying to call me, I don't know what to do. PLEASE come home.

    Russell stood hesitantly outside the coffee shop, looking through the dirty window and trying to make out whether or not the figure sat at the far table was Noel Gallagher. He dug out his phone and called Noel's number, and sure enough, the person at the table started, then dug in his pocket hastily. Russell ended the call before Noel could pick up, and then bowed his head, swallowing, and pushed open the door. He choked on the air inside, which was an unpleasant mix of smoke, burnt food and tea, made all the more worse by Russell's improved senses of smell and taste. The coughing fit that ensued caught Noel's attention, and he looked up at Russell as he approached, the sleeve of his leather jacket over his mouth.

    "You're over acting a bit," Noel commented flatly as Russell sat down, taking his arm away from his face and looking across at the Oasis member and trying not to get agitated.

    "How are you?" He asked politely. Noel shrugged.

    "Dunno why you felt the need to drag me out here to talk to me." He looked around, "It isn't the most glamorous place in the world, is it?"

    "I wanted to avoid the risk of any paparazzi, you berk," Russell hissed, "I came here to talk to you, please listen to me."
Noel didn't reply, looking stonily at Russell. Russell swallowed and pushed his hair, which was scraped back in  a ponytail because he'd been too tired to do anything else to it, off his shoulder. "Right," He began, in a low voice, "There was an illegal scientific organisation working underground in L.A., I know it sounds mental but... but I was used as an involuntary test subject  by them. They injected me with a parasite, carried in a liquid, and it became a sort of fake womb inside me... and now I'm pregnant with Noel Fielding's baby." He looked at Noel's disbelieving face. "You don't believe me, do you?"
Noel simply shook his head.

    "Come with me," Russell requested, standing up. Noel raised his eyebrows. "Come to the toilets with me," Russell jerked his head in the direction of the toilets.

    "Oh no thank you, you only take people to toilets to do whatever it is you do with them," Noel said. Russell laughed.

    "I ain't like that anymore, what with my marriage coming up," He grinned, then leaned closer, "And don't flatter yourself. I wouldn't get off with you in a toilet if you paid me, mate." Noel actually blushed, but followed Russell to the toilets. Russell was dressed in dark blue jeans and a very loose black shirt that barely showed the arch of his belly. Once in the toilets, he leaned against the door so that no one else could come in, then beckoned Noel a bit closer. He obeyed curiously, but then moved back a fraction, trying to seem like he wasn't bothered. Russell lifted his shirt, and shuddered as Noel reached out a cold hand slowly and touched the bump. He pulled it away quickly, looking up at Russell.

    "That's not real," He said hushedly, sounding cynical and even almost cross.
    
    "Noel, yes it is," Russell said gently, lowered his shirt again. Noel shook his head.

    "No. It can't be... it can't... it can't be..." Noel suddenly seemed really distressed. Russell touched his arm.

    "Come on, Noel, it's okay, I... I'm sorry..." Russell stuttered. Noel met his eyes.

    "You're a freak, Russell." He said.

    "I know," Russell agreed, "Is that okay?"
Noel stared for a moment, his breathing nervous, before smiling wetly and saying,

    "Well. It'll give Donovan someone to play with, won't it?"
Russell grinned ecstatically, before enveloping Noel in a tight and relieved embrace. Noel hugged back, letting his fierce masculinity slip just for long enough for Russell to realise that he really did care.

    Dee was laughing, hanging onto Matt's arm as he opened his front door. They burst into the house, Dee tripping over and falling to her knees, roaring with laughter.

    "Oh, bugger, I've cut my knee," She complained as Matt helped her back up.

    "You'd think we were drunk," Matt said.

    "We are, off love love love!" Dee hollered, kissing Matt quickly, "I am probably quite drunk, even though we didn't drink much... oh dear, my tolerance is decreasing." She looked at her knee, then sang, "My knee opened like a red pocket, oh!" Matt kissed her again, slipping one hand up her top. She relished the feeling of being touched again, having not felt it for what seemed like an age now. Guilt spread through her. In spite of her feelings for Matt, which were stronger than she had felt for many other people, and still growing, she had started to pursue something of a relationship with Sue: Matt's bright and happy girlfriend by day, Sue's depressed and needy lover by night. It was getting late now, and she hated to think what Sue would think if she didn't come home. She broke the connection between her mouth and Matt's, looking into his eyes.

    "Are you not ready yet?" Matt asked softly, holding her hand. Dee felt her eyes well up with tears. Matt wiped one as it fell, adding hastily, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

    "No," Dee cut in, "I have a confession to make."
   
   
    Chris Corner was walking along a bridge, holding hands with a young man who he barely knew. He looked out across the water, the lights of Berlin shining off it into his eyes. He turned to kiss the boy he was with, overwhelmed by confusion, wishing that he was holding Sue Denim's hand, but at the same time longing for Noel Fielding's lips, but wanting a normal and long life, with old age and death at the end. He didn't understand anything right now, and didn't know if anyone understood him.

 

    "Coffee?" Noel asked, as he re-appeared from the kitchen. Russell was sat cross legged on the sofa, wrapped in a huge white dressing gown, tossing his bagpuss mouse in the air and catching it again, his hair curling unkempt about his shoulders. He looked across at Noel, screwing up his nose.

    "No, thanks... I'm a bit off coffee at the moment." He said honestly, earning an incredulous look from his partner.

    "Off coffee?" Noel asked in disbelief.

    "Yeah... it just makes me feel quite sick... the way it feels in my throat, makes me feel ill. Something convinced me that it's like, hot water with lumps of coffee beans floating around in it, or something... it makes me shudder."

    "So you're okay with me drinking it? You can stand the smell and that?"
Russell nodded.

    "Yeah, it'll be fine."

    "What about the taste of it, when you kiss me?"

    "Christ, Noel!" Russell exclaimed, "You ain't gonna have to go celibate 'cause of my taste buds, it'll be alright, I just don't like drinking coffee at the moment, comprend?"

    "Okay. Sorry..." Noel aplogised sheepishly. Russell looked up at him.

    "You're so lovely," He smiled, "You're being a proper careful angel with me. Thank you."

    "I have to be, don't I," Noel grinned, "If I didn't have to be, I'd push you out of bed and kick you and all sorts, wild it'd be. But you've gotta be nice to pregnant people. 'Cause they're two people, in a way. And they can't move very fast, poor things."

    "Ah, but you could say the same thing of snails!" Russell challenged, brandishing a finger, "And people pour salt on them and turn them inside out, so maybe pregnant people should be treated in the same manner!"
Noel gazed at him.

    "You're mental, you know that?"
Russell simply grinned in response. Noel set down the cup of coffee he was holding and leaned over Russell, putting one hand inside his dressing gown and touching the bump. "Rrr, you're getting big aren't you?" He growled happily. Russell huffed.

    "Don't remind me," He groaned, "I look awful."

    "You look fantastic," Noel told him, leaning closer and rubbing his cheek against Russell's, moving his hand across the younger man's stomach, "It's surprisingly sexy... really turns me on, actually..."

    "I thought anorexically skinny was your type," Russell retorted, "Painfully thin."

    "Russell, we're talking about you. You could put on ten stone and still be my type,"

    "Fucking lie!" Russell laughed, pointing a finger in Noel's face, "And DON'T jinx it." Noel chuckled, licked the accusing finger and then took hold of Russell's hand, kissing the back of it and working up his arm, "Good God," Russell snorted, rolling up his sleeve obligingly, "It's like the SIMs 2."

    "SIMs sex is rubbish!" Noel scoffed, "Have you seen them getting at it, pumping away fully clothed under the covers? And their eyes go about this wide before they start," Noel pulled back his eyelids to make his eyes look larger, staring to add to the effect, "Like they're on some sad little SIMs drug. It's crazy, and not in a good way."

    "You get pregnant men on the SIMs, don't you?" Russell asked interestedly.

    "Yeah, but they always give birth to little green aliens with big black eyes."

    "Cripes, that doesn't appeal," Russell said, "Everyone'd think I'd got pregnant by David Tennant or someone."

    "Tennant can't handle you," Noel smirked. He knocked Russell's head so that he would tilt his head up so Noel could kiss his neck. He moved up onto Russell's lips and kissed him passionately, his hand still splayed protectively over the curve of Russell's tummy. Russell broke the connection momentarily looking into Noel's eyes and saying softly,

    "I love it when you touch my stomach... it gives me shivers, and that flippy feeling, like when you tilt your head back on a swing..."

    "That's what I feel when I touch you," Noel replied gently, putting one hand on Russell's cheek and stroking, "Say you'll never leave me," He whispered into the cup of Russell's ear.

    "I swear," Russell replied, kissing Noel again. Noel seized Russell's hand and Russell stopped the kiss to open his eyes and look down, as Noel slid a thin silver ring onto Russell's ring finger. He gasped, and then stared at Noel with eyes so wide they were almost SIMs worthy. "I..." He stammered, "Noel..."

    "I love you," Noel said earnestly, "Marry me, Russell,"

    "Yes. Yes!" Russell beamed, throwing his arms around Noel's neck and holding him tight, "Oh my God, Noel..." He squeezed Noel tightly but then moved back, flustered, "Sorry..." He ran a hand through his hair and then laid it on the bump, "Junior's getting my emotions all over-excited."
Noel simply grinned, before lunging forwards and claiming Russell's lips vehemently. He started as suddenly the phone began to ring. Russell pulled away.

    "Oh, come on," Noel groaned, "Not now, Russ?"

    "Here's the agreement from now on," Russell said, "Unless we are literally physically inside one another, or I am going into labour, we answer the bloody telephones." He picked up quickly, saying, "Hello?"

    "Hello Russell," Noel Gallagher's broad accented voice said. Russell nearly dropped the phone.

    "Noel!" He exclaimed, causing the man next to him to look up, only to receive a shake of Russell's head and a look of sheer desperation, "Er, hello-"

    "Hey, why've you been ignoring me?" Noel demanded instantly.

    "I didn't realise you felt so strongly," Russell said dryly, "I've been busy!"

    "I don't mean in your own time, I don't expect to hear from you in that, just, I dunno. You never call me during the shows. Didn't even say happy birthday."

    "I sang it!" Russell objected, "We sang it on the show!"

    "Along with that other waste of space who I'm ashamed to share my name with."

    "Noel!" Russell said crossly, "Oi, I care about him a lot."

    "It's not real though, is it?" Noel said off handedly, "Ain't gonna last."

    "What do you mean by that?" Russell said venomously, trying to stay calm.

    "Well, it's a just a bit of a publicity stunt, isn't it? Hype you both up a bit, you won't be able to stand being "gay" for much longer."

    "How dare you!" Russell hissed, "You don't know what I've been through with him,"

    "Oh yeah, I bet you've moaned with him about fighting off all sorts of addictions," Noel replied, "Maybe done a couple of charity gigs, it's a hard life i'n't it?"

    "I'm engaged to him!" Russell blurted, furious, "You wouldn't let me talk to you about Sara like that, in fact I wouldn't even think about it!"

    "But me and Sara, that's normal. isn't it? Proper sturdy relationship, not like you and your gay whims. We've got a kid to show from it haven't we? Like a proper couple."

    "So have we!" Russell roared. The silence that followed was far, far too long, and Russell could feel his pulse in the back of his head as he panicked, wishing he could take back what he'd just said.

    "What?" Noel said eventually, sounding annoyed more than anything else.

    "Noel... this is going to be a really big shock," Russell said slowly, swallowing, "Okay?"

    "What? Okay, whatever..."

    "I'm... pregnant," Russell choked, the words sticking in his throat, as he dug his fingernails into the palms of his hands, extremely nervous. Noel didn't reply for a few seconds more than Russell was comfortable with.

    "You don't know when to stop, do you." He said eventually.

    "It's not a joke Noel, I swear," Russell said desperately, "Part of me wishes it was... I just need you to say it's okay... that you'll stand by me..?"

    "Right, stop now, you almost sound like you're taking it seriously," Noel requested, starting to sound a bit worried himself.

    "Noel. I promise. Please-"

    "You... what? Pregnant?" Noel repeated in disbelief, "How... how'd you manage that?"

    "It's a long story..." Russell said quietly, feeling Noel's negative reaction, "Can I... see you sometime soon? And we can talk about it?"

    "I, er, I suppose so," Noel said stiffly, "I don't believe you though."
Russell touched the bump, half-laughing,

    "You will..." He gulped, "Look Noel, you mean a lot to me... you're one of my best friends, you know that?"
Russell wasn't sure if he heard correctly, but as he hung up, Noel Gallagher might have simply grunted in response.


    Dee dawdled home through the dark, dimly lit streets, talking and laughing happily to Matt on the phone.

    "Come on the show!" He told her, "You'll love it, and so will the listeners!"

    "Isn't that up to Russell?" She asked.

    "I have more power over him than everyone assumes, you know," Matt laughed, "Oh, crap, sorry, I have to go now. Will I see you soon?"

    "Tomorrow, if we're lucky bunnies," Dee enthused.

    "Good, I miss you,"

    "Okay, bye for now. LOVES!" She shrieked into the phone, using her and Matt's method of showing affection without uttering the deadly "I love you" just yet.

    "Goodbye," Matt replied, and Dee shut the phone, slipping it in her bag. She continued her journey home. Sue was currently staying with her, and expected her to be waiting in the front room or something for their nightly girly chat when she arrived home. On reaching her door, she frowned, hearing loud music playing from inside. It wasn't uncommon for Sue to stick the iPod on, but not this loud, especially at night. Dee scrabbled for her key, which was hung around her neck on a neon pink string. She kicked the door open and stepped inside, pulling off her coat and dropping it to the floor. She put one hand to her ear. The music was so loud that she could feel the vibrations.

    "Sue?" She called, making her way to the source of the noise, the bedroom. "Sue!" She rushed to the bed when she saw that Sue was lay face down on it, empty bottles strewn out on the bed beside her. Dee could hear the song properly now, and immediately defined it as Missile, by IAMX. She seized Sue by her shoulders and wrenched her upright, sitting down on the bed and supporting her, "Sue, what happened?" She asked desperately. Sue opened her eyes and looked at her friend blearily.

    "Chris dumped me," She slurred. Her face was stained with mascara and tears, "He said he didn't... he didn't feel anything with me anymore," She grabbed fistfuls of Dee's t-shirt, "He's been sleeping with other people, Dee. With other girls AND boys..." She started to weep, burying her head in Dee's shoulder. Dee soothed her, one hand on the back of her head. Sue suddenly jerked her head up and fixed Dee with a stare. Dee looked back, unsure of why Sue was glaring at her. Dee opened her eyes wide, startled, as Sue to pressed her lips against Dee's forcefully. Dee pushed her backwards.

    "What are you doing?" She demanded, trying to ignore the speed her heart was pounding.

    "Come on Dee, you and me, best friends forever, free and single, Noel and Chris suck cock and aren't worth a sod, we're the perfect couple..." She tried again, put Dee put a hand over Sue's mouth.

    "I'm with Matt," Dee reminded her. She shrugged.

    "Matt's fucking Russell Brand,"

    "No, he's not. Noel's fucking Russell Brand."

    "So is Matt, so is Ju, everyone is, everyone's fucking Russell Brand!" Sue declared, waving her hands in the air.

    "I'm not fucking Russell Brand, and neither are you," Dee challenged.

    "That's because we're fucking each other," Sue murmured, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

    "You are very, very drunk," Dee said, "You need to go to bed. ALONE."

    "I need you, Dee, my Dee..." Sue cried. She tried to kiss Dee again, and this time Dee didn't fight. She kissed back sadly and longingly, tears seeping out of her own eyes, having experienced with before. Many a drunken night had she kissed and slept with Sue, only for Sue to forget in the morning, and  Dee having to pretend it was a drunken accident.

    "I love you Sue." She said, very quietly, breaking back and speaking quickly before she could regret it.

    "What?" Sue asked, letting herself drop back down onto the bed.

    "Nothing." Dee answered. Because, to Dee's aching heart, that's what it really was. Nothing, nothing... Nothing.

    
    "How Soon is Now, by The Smiths- you're listening to the Russell Brand show on BBC radio 2, I'm none other than your host, Russell Brand!" Russell chattered happily into the microphone, "And here with me, the hypochondriac we all love to hate, it's Matt Morgan! Hello Matt."

    "Hello Russell," Matt replied with a smile.

    "We're live, in London!" Russell added, "S'good to be home, ain't it Matt?"

    "It is," Matt agreed.

    "Now you can re-ebstablish some sort of normal sleep pattern, instead of romping around your foxes den at two in the morning, laying your eggs or whatever it is you do, why couldn't you have stayed in your sodding little flat? And what the Hell were you doing the night before we left?!"

    "I was only staying at yours for three nights. And that night I was disassembling that cabinet we put up," Matt explained in protest, "And when each shelf comes out separately, and when it slides out it hits the one below, and that's what the banging noise was."

    "Yeah, well, I need my sleep, 'specially now. What were you really doing?" He said snidely with a smirk.

    "What?" Matt said, knowing what Russell meant, and grinning amusedly.

    "Having a bit of sexy time with a certain D-"

    "Don't say it on air!" Matt objected quickly. Russell laughed.

    "Don't suppose you're having sex yet are you, stupid little sausage you." he whimpered an imitation of Matt, "Oh, but we can't have sex yet, it's naughty, I want to know her as a person not as a shag!"

    "Don't say that," Matt repeated, with a hurt but determined voice that had clearly had a lot of practice.

    "Though maybe calling you stupid isn't correct," Russell continued, either missing or ignoring the genuine objection to what he was saying, "Because you haven't had sex with her yet... and that's what makes you stupid-"

    "Russell!" Matt moaned, "And you call me indiscreet, there's gonna be a load of girls coming to find me to kill me now!'

    "What?!" Russell shouted with a bark like laugh, "You haven't got any fangirls!'

    "I meant her fangirls!"
Matt was leading the joke along but he fixed Russell with a stare. Russell met his eyes and instantly felt guilty.

    "Sorry... what was out of order," Russell corrected himself apologetically, "Right- nothing was said about Matt Morgan's sexual partner in the last two minutes of this BBC broadcast." He snatched a piece of paper up off the desk to read who would be coming on the show, and to see if anyone had cancelled. This week particular week he was stood up at the microphone, having been filled with restless energy all day, one hand instinctively on his tummy. Now with four months already gone, the bump was more prominent, so Russell had to be careful when going out, having to wear larger and looser t-shirts. As far as he was aware, the media hadn't picked up on this change of attire yet, but he didn't give it long. "Coming up on the show we've got-" He blinked at the paper, and the illegible scrawling next to the name, "Matt," He said, leaning backgrounds, "Does that say Morrissey?"

    "It says Morrissey maybe," Matt informed.

    "Right, later on the show we've got Morrissey Maybe, a new hot tribute band about the relationship between my idol and me- no, we haven't, we might have Morrissey, definitely on the phone we will be speaking to a midwife about a study of premature babies, and how it can affect them in later life, so that'll be interesting won't it?"

    "You were premature, weren't you?" Matt asked.

    "Was I?" Russell said, obviously news to him, "I had the umbilical cord around my neck, don't know if I was premature though. Right," He said decisively, "If you're my mother or anyone else who knows whether or not I was born when I was supposed to be, e-mail us at russell.brand@bbc.co.uk!"

    "Have we got..?" Matt started, but didn't finish the question, looking at Russell. Russell frowned, not taking in the message.

    "Have we got what, Matthew?" He asked.

    "Noel Gallagher," Matt replied. Russell swallowed, and shook his head. Over the past weeks he hadn't spoken to Noel Gallagher at all, filled with the anxiety that if he did, he would let the news of the baby slip, in entirely the wrong context and at exactly the wrong moment, and that he'd lose his friend. Matt was trying to convince Russell that ignoring Noel would amount to the same, if not worse, result, but Russell wouldn't take it in.

    "I don't know mate, but Noel Fielding is definitely going to be calling at some point,"
Matt rolled his eyes.

    "You're making a habit of this,"

    "No I'm not, Matthew! You know I don't like to mix business with pleasure!" Russell laughed, "And when he comes on it's not like 'I love you!' it's like 'Oh, Mighty Boosh, comedy and stuff'."

    "Oh Noel," Matt simpered, "You're so sexy and gorgeous, oh and you played that Vince on The Mighty Boosh, he's so sexy and gorgeous too-"
Russell smacked Matt on the shoulder with the piece of paper. He denied it, but Noel's calls were often the highlight of shows, despite the fact he saw him during the day. It was the way that Noel was willing to share his affection on air that Russell loved the most, the reason that he sat through the shows slightly distracted, just waiting for the call. Sometimes it never came, and Russell had to wait until he got home. But it was the overpowering anticipation that he liked, like the days that lead up to Christmas in his childhood. The kick he received was almost like a safe substitute to the drugs of his past. And he loved it.


    Dee looked around the crowded airport, a cap pulled low over her face and her black hair pulled back in a pony tail. She looked down at her feet, tired and a bit bored. She suddenly heard a shriek and looked up, knocked backwards by the force with which Sue Denim hurled herself at Dee. Dee hugged her back, laughing and screaming and squeezing.

    "How was Berlin?" She asked. Sue's grin was ecstatic.

    "It was amazing, my God Dee, Chris..." She breathed, "He says he's got a surprise for that he'll tell me over the phone or e-mail. And I think..."

    "No?" Dee smiled hushedly.

    "I think he's going to propose," Sue gushed, "I mean, it would be just like him to do it like that, wouldn't it?"

    "I'm so happy for you!" Dee squealed, hugging her again. She tried to quash the longing in her heart, and prayed that Matt had taken her indignation at fan fiction as a joke.

    The sound that awoke Noel was an unpleasant and upsetting one. He could hear Russell in the bathroom, being sick and what sounded like crying. Noel arose and drifted down the hallway, wordlessly entering the bathroom. He stood behind Russell and gently held the younger man's hair back and out of he way. Russell gagged helplessly, moaning. He sat back on his knees, breathing deeply.

    "You okay?" Noel said softly. Russell looked blearily at him, and opened his mouth to reply but suddenly heaved forwards again, gripping either side of the toilet bowl tightly.

    "No... I... am... not... o.... kay..." He gasped between retches, "I've been awake all night with heart burn and I'm currently... trying to bring up the... non existent contents of an empty stomach..."

    "You had heart burn all night?" Noel frowned, "Why didn't you get the gaviscon stuff?"

    "Because..." Russell said forcefully, sitting against the wall again, as Noel let go of his hair, "If I'd got up you would've known I was awake, and you would've tried to talk to me."
Noel tried to put his arms around Russell but was pushed away.

    "Russell, that's messed up," He said, "You just ask me not to talk to you and I won't."

    "Bollocks," Russell growled, "If I tell you not to talk to me, you'll say you won't but then say, "I was just gonna say though..." and then say it anyway, and I can't help but listen, and you know me Noel, you know that if someone says something I object to I have to talk back! So we would've ended up in a full blow argument at midnight and I might've stormed out and ended up fuck knows where!"

    "I'm sorry about last night," Noel said sadly, brushing Russell's hair away from his face, with no reaction, positive or negative, "But do you understand how worried I am about Mike? He could tell anyone."

    "So maybe you shouldn't have told him."
Noel decided not to let that provoke him, and instead put his hand on Russell's.

    "Besides... it wasn't Mike. It was Julian."

    "I know."
Noel furrowed his brow.

    "How do you know?"
Russell shrugged, his hand not reacting to Noel's touch.

    "I guessed. I was waiting for it to happen."

    "For what to happen? I don't understand," Noel said, before stepping backwards as Russell got to his feet and yelled,

    "Look, I know why you want to go back to England, you wanker!" There were still trails of sick and saliva by his lips and his eyes were shining with tears.

    "I don't know what the Hell you're on about!" Noel shouted back desperately, with wide eyes. Russell was crying now.

    "You only want to go home so you can carry on screwing Julian Barratt!" Russell choked out. The room was very quiet for a long moment.

    "Is that what you think?" Noel said coldly, "Is that the kind of person you think I am?"
Russell paused, his chest heaving, out of breath after the throwing up and shouting, staring at Noel. "Fuck, Russell!" Noel barked, kicking the side of the bath, "Fuck it! Listen to me. All the time I was with Dee, I didn't shag anyone else. Ever. I didn't have casual sex for years, and I didn't care, because all I wanted was her! That's how I feel about you now, only more... I would stop eating and drinking and sleeping if it made you happy. Julian," He continued through clenched teeth, "Is the best friend I've ever had. He is a straight, married man. Yes, I've thought about it," Russell looked at the floor but Noel forced his head back up, "But I couldn't do that to Dee, or to Julian's wife, or to Julian himself. I'm not that sort of person. If you think I am, well then maybe we shouldn't be together-"
Noel hated the sentence as soon as he had said it. He stared at Russell, who was staring back at him, stunned. His bottom lip shook slightly, drawing Noel's eye to it. He reached out, ripped a sheet from the toilet roll and, stepping closer, gently wiped Russell's mouth.
"Russell, I love you," He said earnestly.

    "What's wrong with me?" Russell whispered, "Why am I being such an idiot?" Noel looked into Russell's face, then held him close.

    "It's okay, Russ," He murmured, "We'll be okay."

    "I love you," Russell sniffed. Noel held on tighter.

* * *
    Dee was lay on her front, propped up on her elbows, looking fondly at Matt as he stirred beside her. He opened his sleepy eyes and looked at her with a smile, before sitting up abruptly and shaking his hair out of his face to look at her in dread.

    "No, we didn't," She answered before he even had to ask, "We were going to, but then I got a bit freaked out and you got all chivalrous and said that we should wait until we know each other a bit better."

    "Oh yeah, I remember..." He replied, feeling a bit embarrassed. Dee grinned.

    "We just cuddled all night, it was lovely actually," She assured him, "How much temperature do you want to generate?! My bed's never been so nice and warm."

    "I can imagine that Noel-" He stopped himself, and then asked, "Do you mind me..?"

    "No, you can talk about him, I don't fancy him anymore so I won't get upset or anything."

    "I was gonna say I can imagine he'd be a bit cold and skinny and all elbows and knees," Matt shrugged, "But I'll never speak from experience and he's keeping Russ happy, so I won't pass judgment."

    "Have you ever shagged Russell, Matt?" Dee asked nonchalantly. Matt laughed.

    "Have you read those sort of fan fictions where whenever someone has sex it's all guilty and rushed and secret?"

    "Yeah. You know, I can only find one fan fic that's about me and Sue having sex. Why, don't we make good lesbians?" Matt couldn't tell if her indignance was a joke or not, so he continued,

    "Anyway... when me and Russell had sex, it was like that. It started because we were scared. It went on because we were scared. It ended because we were scared. I guess it's for the best that we split. If we hadn't, there either wouldn't be this baby, or, if there was, I'd be very upset about it."

    "This baby-" Dee said enthusiastically, leaning in closer to talk excitedly to Matt, as though gossiping about something, "You know how people get either xx or xy chromosomes, and that determines the gender?"

    "Yes..." Matt agreed, unsure where she was going with that statement.

    "Well, Russell and Noel's chromosomes are both xy, aren't they. Normally there's just the option of xx or xy, but what d'you reckon'll happen if the baby is yy?"

    "I never thought of that," Matt said in awe, marvelling at Dee's suggestion and suddenly worrying about the baby, "Would it be a hermaphrodite, or something?"

    "I don't know, do I, it's never been done!"

    "I'm sure that sort of thing was taken into account when the people who injected him developed it." Matt said, uncertainly. Dee shrugged.

    "I don't even know the story."

    "I can tell you, if you want?" Matt offered. Dee nodded, and then snuggled up to him, putting her head on his chest. And Matt told her everything he knew about the situation. But this time, he was able to mention his own opinion and tell her about his worries for Russell, Noel and their baby. And with the lead weight of concern lifted off his chest, he'd never felt so free.

    Just five minutes after Matt and Dee had been bundled out of the house, Noel had noticed that Dee's jacket was still draped over the back of the sofa. He picked it up and was contemplating trying to rush after them when Russell came up behind him and rested his head on his shoulder.

    "Don't worry about it," He said, reading Noel's mind, "I'm still wearing Matt's jeans. Everything always find its way back to its owner. I'm still waiting for a few things of mine to come to me."

    "What, you expect them to have followed you to Los Angeles?" Noel said, grinning.

    "EVERYTHING follows me t