clarkelane

08:01 pm: it feels like an eternity....
Been a while since I posted. And it's been a hellava few weeks. I'm fine and all the changes will be for the best, I'm sure.

Last Tuesday I was surprised by my boss, when he told me he was resigning. I spent the day wondering what it would mean. He hired me and established the ground for the work I'm doing. Interestingly enough I wasn't all that anxious about it. I really love what I'm doing, but unlike all the years I was at Brown I now know that there are other interesting things to do in the world. Still, when the announcement of the new provost was made on Wednesday, I found myself reinvigorated. The possibilities are profound.

My RISD class is done for the semester. I have another six weeks at Goddard. The summer program starts on 7 July. Somewhere in there I need to take a few days off. I'm on leave at Goddard next semester -- but this Goddard semester really crimps my ability to have a break. To be honest, I might be able to take a week around the new year. Then, if I take a second semester of leave at Goddard, I can have a real vacation a year from now. It's bizarre to contemplate this.... but it's the reality of starting this new thing.

I hit the studio this weekend and it felt amazing. I worked on nine new pieces and should have something to show in a couple weeks -- if I can get another couple days to work.

It will all work out well.

02:50 pm: California Supreme Court overturns gay marriage ban
Interesting logic (from the AP):

In striking down the ban, the court said, "In contrast to earlier times, our state now recognizes that an individual's capacity to establish a loving and long-term committed relationship with another person and responsibly to care for and raise children does not depend upon the individual's sexual orientation, and, more generally, that an individual's sexual orientation - like a person's race or gender - does not constitute a legitimate basis upon which to deny or withhold legal rights."

12:16 pm: Michael Bhatia
I saw Michael about a year ago. He was so excited about his work -- and it was really great to learn about how much he'd achieved since graduating Brown. I'm truly sad that his life and good work has been cut short.


Former Brown grad, Watson fellow dies in Afghanistan
from the Providence Journal on line edition, 9 May 08

A Brown University graduate and former visiting fellow at Brown University's Watson Institute for International Studies has died while working in Afghanistan, according to a spokeswoman at the Watson Institute.

Michael Vinay Bhatia, who graduated in 1999, was working as a social scientist in Afghanistan in consultation with the U.S. Defense Department, according to the institute's Web site.

The Web site didn't have any details on the cause of his death.

Bhatia, of Medway, Mass., was a doctoral candidate at Oxford University, according to his biography on that school’s Web site. A magna cum laude graduate of Brown in international relations, he was a fellow at the Watson Institute from July 2006 to June 2007.

Bhatia had done humanitarian work in areas of conflict across the world, including in East Timor, Kosovo, and Afghanistan, where he interviewed hundreds of combatants for his dissertation: “The Mujahideen: A study of Combatant Motives in Afghanistan, 1978 to 2005.”

The author of several books, Bhatia was also a photographer and has published photos from his essay "Shooting Afghanistan -- Beyond the Conflict" on the Globalist Web site.

Frederick Melo, a fellow Brown University alumnus and Bhatia’s former roommate, called Bhatia brilliant, but without the sharp edges.

“He had heart. He was rarely not smiling, not laughing, not recognizing the beauty in people and in the world,” Melo said in an e-mail.

“I love him and I miss him and I can’t stop crying. The world is such a colder place without him.”

06:45 am: not dead yet
I did work a bit this weekend. This one's coming close to being done.


The Boy Mistook for a Girl (he's a super boy), 1976; oil on panel, 48 x 60 inches, c. 2008

09:43 am: I took the weekend for myself -- chores on Saturday and studio on Sunday. Now, of course, I'm completely swamped.

Didn't we fight for the five-day work week?

07:31 am: Last night I gave a talk on Art and Social Change as part of a week-long series on Human Trafficking. I was stressed about it for days, but learned a valuable lesson when only ten students showed for the event.

Indeed, given my own sense of the weight of the event, I over-prepared by both writing a lecture and preparing a slide show. My anxiety disappeared when I realized that the size of the group required that I speak extemporaneously. While I referred to my script in some places, it was a better talk for speaking from what I know, what I'm passionate about, and what I believe.

In any case, I'm posting the prepared text here.


( it's pretty long.... )

03:03 pm: Paul Wonner died last Wednesday. One of the great Bay Area figurative painters....

08:38 am: New Urban Arts Auction
There was a silent auction at the prom (when party cultures collide!). I'm gratified that the three pices I gave brought in some $$ for the cause.

SOLD!

08:35 am: New Urban Arts Prom
Last night was the big fund-raiser at New Urban Arts. The them was "prom." Let me be clear: I had my doubts. However, it was a spectacular evening. I had an awesome time.

I didn't bring my camera to the event, but I did have it earlier in the day as things were being set up:

01:15 pm: I had an awesome start to the day -- focused and productive. Mid-day is marked by a bout of spring fever.

Attempting to re-focus.

07:40 am: It’s been nearly a year since I was offered this job and I made the decision to re-enter higher education. On balance I have no regrets and have enjoyed myself immensely. I do have lingering questions, however, about how working here is affecting my art practice – in both good and bad ways.

I spent much of the weekend working in the studio. In a real sense, this is the first time since the New Year that I’ve worked in a proactive and intentional way. I got some things done, for sure, but I’m also frustrated at the slowness of the process. This should be no surprise since it’s been four months since I’ve done any focused work.

Being back with the work opened a lot of emotions. Recognizing this pattern is a good thing and tells me that I need to resolve some stuff – perhaps resolve the whole series – and move on. I’m also balancing these feelings with a presentation I moderated last night – in which four queer faculty presented their work for a group of students. I was both excited to see their work and humbled in thinking about my own work. In part I’m struggling with a recognition that I have to balance my talents with my goals for developing my ability. I am good at some things; they are not exclusively what I want to be good at.

Being in a community that shares an intense passion for art and design is heady stuff for me. It’s inspiring me to be more than I am.

10:20 pm: politics
I started this race believing that I'd vote for Clinton. As things progressed, Obama inspired me and I realized that I believe he represents a potentially important shift in the American trajectory. Parallel to this change in my perception, Clinton has increasingly alienated me. I've come to realize that she doesn't stand for progressive issues -- or change at all. She represents the same hubris and narcissism that's defined patriarchal politics for the documented history of the West.

When John McCain is President, we'll have her to thank.

God bless Hillary Clinton and the American Empire.

07:25 am: textural whispers

07:34 pm: New Urban Arts: visiting artists

08:33 am: I'm feeling a bit more on track today. I soldiered through a lot of work yesterday and am, nominally, not behind he game. Of course, this notion is a moving target these days.

Erica arrived yesterday afternoon. She screened the video at YPI and we had a good conversation. I sense that there's a lot that can be done with YPI.

Angel was already in bed when we got home. He's been working these crazy 6 AM to 8 PM days. I made dinner and E and I got to catch up until midnight or so.

We'll be off to NUA around noon, then probably we both will need to do some packet work. Dinner's at 7. Tomorrow's probably a work day... And the residency commences again on Monday.

Some good news: I got the VISTA grant notification yesterday. Now, I just need to find a VISTA for the coming year.

10:13 am: Yay!
I just had a meeting with a student that completely renews my faith in what I'm doing here.

07:28 am: It's time to make some strategic interventions into my schedule. Assessing the vast amount of mandatory face time and pressing administrivia on my plate this week, I have no ability to do some things that are, frankly, re-schedule-able.

I'm trying to find the joy in all that I'm doing and not to let the sheer volume of tasks stress me out. I can't say that there's anything -- even the mundane paper work -- that's irrelevant. It's all part of a larger whole.

I have more to say about this, but I'm not sure that I have the time or this kind of reflection. I'm simply trying not to let this forum go fallow.

02:25 pm: I just dropped naylandblake at the train and he's on his way back to NYC. From my end it was a marvelous few days to, as Nayland spoke of, share some time together. I know I'll be pondering for some time many of the nuggets of wisdom I gleaned from our conversations and his talks.

The days ahead are really busy and I'm beginning to regret some of my generosity in offering time this week. I know I'll just suck it up and get everything done, but it would be nice to catch my breath a little. In any case, my schedule is what it is. Even more, it's what I've made it -- and I need to remind myself that it's really filled with quite wonderful things.

I do think I'll take the rest of today off, so to speak.

08:44 am: naylandblake is here for a few days. It's been quite amazing to witness how he works with groups and seeds conversation. I've learned a lot in just 24 hours and I'll be unpacking some ideas for a while.

In particular, I'm excited to think about upending my training to put intention at the center of the art-making process. Nayland's questions about first-intentions and self-editing really get to the heart of some inhibitions I'm holding. Even more, they refine my own thinking about the scope of audience.

Another full day ahead.

05:01 am: argh.
I've spent the better part of the past 72 hours sleeping -- and not in any good way. I can't believe that I missed Spring Break due to a cold.

At least I'm returning to work with energy.