![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
I walked out of the house this morning without my keys.
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences appeared in church bulletins or
were announced in church services (Summer, 2007
Release).
----------------------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
----------------------------------------
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the
Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for
Jesus."
-------------------- ------ ---------------------
Our youth basketball team is back in action
Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall.
Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
----------------------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a
chance to get rid of those things not worth
keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
----------------------------------------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has
been canceled due to a conflict.
----------------------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
community. Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about
you.
----------------------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church
help.
----------------------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this
way again," giving obvious pleasure
to the congregation.
----------------------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know
it, we have a nursery downstairs.
----------------------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the
choir. They need all the help they can get.
----------------------------------------
The Rector will preach his farewell message,
after which the choir will sing:
"Break Forth Into Joy."
----------------------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on
October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school
days.
----------------------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic
will be "What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
----------------------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to
the addition of several new members
and to the deterioration of some older ones.
----------------------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and
other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
----------------------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along
with the deceased person you
want remembered.
----------------------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining,
super entertainment and gracious hostility.
----------------------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and
medication to follow..
----------------------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing
of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday
afternoon.
----------------------------------- ------ ------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing
in the park across from the Church.
Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
----------------------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning
at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to
lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is
done.
----------------------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of
the congregation would lend him their
electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next
Sunday.
----------------------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday
at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
----------------------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting
Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement
Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to
attend this tragedy.
----------------------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First
Presbyterian Church.
Please use the large double door at the side
entrance.
----------------------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new
tithing campaign slogan last Sunday : "I Upped My
Pledge - Up Yours".
JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.
JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.
JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.
KYRIE ELE ISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. (For you non-Catholics it means "Lord have mercy".)
MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. (The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)
PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.
PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.
RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know hen to sit, kneel, and stand.
AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.
HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
HYMN : A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
71% Chris Dodd
71% Hillary Clinton
70% John Edwards
70% Joe Biden
65% Dennis Kucinich
65% Mike Gravel
60% Bill Richardson
50% John McCain
45% Tom Tancredo
43% Mitt Romney
41% Mike Huckabee
38% Rudy Giuliani
35% Ron Paul
32% Fred Thompson
2008 Presidential Candidate Matching Quiz
| What Claddah76 Means |
 You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row. You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace. People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. |
| What Steven Means |
You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are very hyper. You never slow down, even when it's killing you. You're the type of person who can be a workaholic during the day... and still have the energy to party all night. Your energy is definitely a magnet for those around you. People are addicted to your vibe. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. |
1. Schizophrenia - Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Kings Disorientated Are
3. Dementia - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas
4. Narcissistic - Hark The Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic - Deck the Halls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and...
6. Paranoid - Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder - Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8. Personality Disorder - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
9. Attention Deficit Disorder - Silent Night, Holy, ooh look at the froggy - Can I have a chocolate? Why is France so far away?
10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells.
- Mood:
annoyed
