As I attempt to fight legal discrimination in terms of marriage, my partner and I have repeatedly heard this:

“You DO have the same rights as everyone else: You have the right to marry women.”

This is true. They have a point. We DO have the right to marry women. To that end:

ATTENTION HOMOPHOBIC HETEROSEXUALS:

Until you allow gay couples, nation-wide, to marry one-another, we will start marrying your potential mates.

That’s right.

Gay men are going to cruise around and find the hottest women they can, and marry them. Don’t think the women will be up for it? Let me ask you this:

If women were given the choice of marrying a straight man, who won’t give them much sex after the first couple of years, or marrying gay men who will give them no sex, but allow them to sleep with whomever they want, along with taking them dancing, to romantic dinners, bring them random gifts of flowers, tell them how beautiful they are, remember their birthdays and anniversaries and decorate their homes… Which marriage will sound better to them?

If men are given the option of marrying a woman, who will not give them sex after the first couple of years, or marrying a lesbian who will never give them sex, but allow them to sleep with whomever they wish, as well as introducing them to bisexual friends who may want to give them fun little threesomes with two women…. Which marriage do you think they will take?

Conversely, we will work very hard to find good mates for our straight friends, who support our efforts. We make great intermediaries and relationship counselors: You’d be amazed. If you’re gay-friendly and straight, you have nothing to worry about. In fact, your ability to find a great husband/wife will be vastly increased with these actions: We know lots of non-homophobic men and women, and we can easily start pairing them all up.

So, the choice is up to you: Either allow us to marry each other, or we will snatch up the most attractive, available, sexy heterosexuals that we can, leaving you with a much smaller pool of potential partners. If we can’t have our legal rights, we will work within what is currently legal to make your lives much more troublesome and lonely.