Why did the title "Handicapper General Palin" just pass through my head?

Wondering...

How will we pronounce Karl Rove's name in hundreds, or even thousands, of years from now when the image and memory of him has completely morphed into an inhuman bogeyman?

...and I mean beyond the current inhuman state he currently occupies.

A whole THIRD of the seats at the Xcel Center are empty?

OH! Now I know what the riots are all about...

Those people have tickets! They're just trying to get in.

(And I might not be joking.)

It's probably those "Brooks Brothers riot" guys creating the wrong impression -- really, guys, all you have to do is wait patiently in line, and the ticket takers will let usyou in.

You pottymouths...

What the frak? 'Battlestar Galactica' faux curse seeping into language

To rebut rumors, Palin says daughter, 17, pregnant

Alright, so everybody's covering the situation with Bristol...

But it seems everybody has dropped the ball on the fact that PIPER WEARS A TIARA!!!!!

WHY IS THE PRESS LOOKING THE OTHER WAY???

Virus link to flying foxes

There has be at least a few of you interested in an item like this.:-)

It's all a huge misunderstanding...

My sources have informed me that Sarah Palin is NOT John McCain's running mate.

She's the woman he's trading in Cindy for.

Sincerely,
Lieutenant Wilkes

Somehow I had arrived at the suspicion that the tables at the Denver Public Library central branch would be crammed with renegade bloggers, but I decided to come here anyways. Anyways, I was wrong -- I got one of my usual spots at a window facing north toward Civic Center Park (except there's a few trees in the way). The building is only slightly more populated than usual.

It doesn't appear the streets have been repaved with a six-inch layer of scabbing blood, but there's still a couple days to go.

Members of the Aurora Police (clad in black shirts, black pants, black ball caps) are patrolling the area around the Denver Public Library Central branch (different jurisdiction, to state the obvious).

I completely forgot to take a picture. Although I did just see a woman take a picture of the "horse on a chair" sculpture (or WAS she?).

Man uses Barbie fishing rod to make record catch

"No, no! This isn't what it looks like! It ... it ... uh ... this is my granddaughter's fishing rod. I was holding it for her!"

I wonder what the fish was thinking...

"Oh. My. God. Will you look at his fishing rod. I gotta do this. Contact the media, I'm creating an incident."

Hawaiian palace occupied anew; 22 arrested

Apparently Hawaii doesn't shoot its emperors like we do here in Colorado.

Man banned from girlfriend's home after noisy sex

For a second there I thought that Reality(tm) had decided to implement my joke about how vigorous sex, a noisy girlfriend, and a disturbing-the-peace complaint can get you listed on the sex offender registry. (In addition to the loud sex, I guess there are some "nightmare neighbor" type issues alleged in the article)

Horror film gene that makes some scream while others laugh

Does this mean that horror writers can take advantage of genetic codes?

If so, will someone publish documentation on it with all the commands and keywords?:-)

Nah. Never mind. The government will slap a TOP SECRET sticker on it and use it for their own purposes.

You wake in the middle of the night. A fleshy yet ghostly weight presses you to the bed.

Something wet and frenzied flops, flaps, and slaps on top of you.

You weaken -- the smell of oceans and lakes floods your senses, robs your strength.

Succubass.

Yes, you're drunk...

Woman riding a donkey fights off lion with machete

It'll morph into mythology centuries from now.

The voices in my head just tried to combine emo and steampunk.

St'emo?

St'emopunk?

Needs work.

Maybe an Irish variant called "steam o'punk."

Widow indicted in death once ruled a farm accident

Now THERE'S some unfortunate wording.:-)

I had to spoil it by reading the rest of the article.

Now we've done it. We've poked around for far too long, and it'll only be a matter of time before the (m)ethane drinkers come after us and invade the planet...

NASA says liquid confirmed on Saturn's moon Titan