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Wednesday, October 15th, 2008
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2:56 pm - needles
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Anyone feel like someone is poking your back with a needle? I sometimes get that, or weirder still, that the back of my foot is being poked with a needle or bitten by a bug. It's not happened often, but in the last two days especially, my back has had this needle event a few times. It's fast, over with, and I can handle it, but I do not like it!
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| Tuesday, October 14th, 2008
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11:33 am - Have I been a Selfish Christian?
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You know, thinking about our recent church experiences, I think I was able to hide in church and not really serve God. I did help in Sunday school at times, or on Wednesday night kid programs. I was in choir when our church had it. I was in MOPS. I even was in the steering committee with meetings to plan how the program would go and how it would look at our church. However, there were many times I was relieved our church was big enough that I could hide and choose not to serve. People could know me if I wanted them to, but others I could hide from. If someone had a real need, I knew others could cover it, there were enough people and enough with money to make up for those needs. I'm not saying I felt like this all the time, or that I was selfish most of the time, but I was able to be selfish sometimes and get away with it completely. Church was a place we could get a lot as a family. There were free things like Halloween festivities in the church building, a summer carnival type thing...weekly meals before the Wednesday night kids programs which we were allowed to eat for free given our finances. We were invited to everything and could get scholarships if we wanted. We didn't always take advantage of the scholarships, but we did at times use them. I think I have been quite selfish, when we did have excess, did we give it back? This selfishness was not the church's fault, it was my own.
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| Wednesday, October 8th, 2008
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2:39 pm - quirky little funny thing...
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Funny thing I've noticed about our old lead pastor's emails to us, he isn't writing them to me. We are meeting with him Monday (finally) to clarify and share and probably make our officiall exit unless God chooses to show us otherwise. We've been signing everything with both names. He addresses everything to my husband lately. At first he addressed us both, but then dropped me. My husband may have sent ONE email with only his name, but that's it. I cannot figure it out unless he just has us in his system under only Joe's name or something. Lately, my husband said for me to send emails with my name only if I'm the one returning the email. I've even done this, and the emails in return are still sent to my husband. Weird. Not assuming any motive here at all, but it is rather curious.
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| Tuesday, October 7th, 2008
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10:52 pm - Situation at the Park
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Our little town has grown in the last several years, a suburb of the suburbs sort of. Just in 2001, when we moved here, you could smell the cows in town because the cows were in town. The corn fields were just a block from our home...and our home is established as "in town." People waved regularly from their cars as they drove by. Small town. It's a bit bigger now, but still small by most people's standards. Most, but not all, citizens in my town are caucasian. Slowly, there has been some shift and people of different races have moved here, bought homes here, and make this town their own. I homeschool, we go to church out of town, and we're close enough to the other small cities in our area that we can be a part of the community in our county more than just this town. I do have great neighbors, and we do participate in activities in town, it's just our sphere is bigger than just our own little town. I haven't thought of people here as having open issues with race and differences, but it never ceases to amaze me that people do have issues. You don't know about people and their thoughts until you present the issue up front. I have not seen clashes, but have learned this does not mean a community is safe from racism and oppression. That said, the situation at the park recently may not have been based on racism (by either race) but it just as easily could have been.
I took my children to the local park, just like I have for years. I did notice a group of pre-teen and teen aged kids already there as well as a mom and her daughter, a father and daughter (who left after a few minutes), a father and son, and some men on the basketball court. The young preteen/teens were black, and I actually thought to myself that this is good to see since our town is mostly a white community. The kids were talking, and my son suddenly says, "hey, don't talk about people that way." Now, I do not know what the kids were talking about from my own ears, but my son heard them insulting someone who was not at the park. I told my son in front of the kids that I thought he should not listen to the conversation as we may not have the right impression, and that he needed to hold his tongue at that time. I said if they were picking on someone I would want him to stand up, but they were having a conversation, and I didn't want him to get into that. I may have been wrong, but he did not know the kids, and he chose to take it upon himself to fix the situation (sound like anyone you know...ummm he takes after me big time). A woman on the bench says loudly to me, "oh, those kids are troublemakers. They were starting things earlier." Oh great, I think to myself, there was trouble earlier and now this woman is talking about it and involving me. Great. I just pretty much waited and didn't chit chat until I thought it was not a "me against them" kind of a moment. I just spoke to the woman about my baby who was with me, and let it go. Soon, a young man in the group (maybe 14 years old?) began to speak to the woman saying that his sisters had not been trying to start trouble earlier. He actually was saying, "ma'am" and such and really didn't sound aggressive or angry in any way. I wasn't really listening to what he was saying thinking they would be civil and work it out. The woman got louder, and at one point said, "no, I don't know who the he** your parents are, but I don't raise my kids to talk that way to other kids" and she kept yelling at him about whatever it was the girls were doing. Okay, that was interesting. The group of kids left. I kept playing, and stayed away from the woman, I didn't want to give an impression I was with her or not with her...just that I was there to play with my kids. Soon, people began to show up. I cannot recall if it was a man or woman who walked up to the woman on the bench, but one person initially began to speak to her, then came another. Soon, there were 6-8 people surrounding her and she was yelling, they were yelling, and I was wondering what to do as were the other people at the park. Soon the kids were back, and even a woman that looked like she could be a grandma came up. People were yelling at the woman telling her it was none of her business to cuss at their kids and no the kids didn't do anything wrong. The woman was yelling and telling the people she had a right to say something because families had children at the park and the pre-teen/teenagers were saying inappropriate things. Cuss words flew, and suddenly, a little girl was crying over at the play area. I walked over to calm her (my children were already trying ot calm her down). Suddenly, the group got louder. I had my back to it but my kids said there was hitting going on between the woman and a few of the people who came. Once that happened, another person in a car in the lot yelled, "do you need me to call 911?" I actually nodded, and also asked a man at the park to do it. The police arrived, and they calmed everything down right away. Ugh. I immediately wondered if this was going to become an open issue in my town, was the park going to become an unwelcome place for one group or another? I will say that the only people who left after that incident were the police, the woman, and the group of people who came to find her. More people came up and no one seemed to be afraid for themselves. I personally felt the need to say something to everyone involved, but didn't know what to say.
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| Friday, October 3rd, 2008
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3:53 pm - About Last Year
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Last year at this time I had a very new little baby, and was so happy to have her. I was overwhelmed by the feelings of oppression by the nurse who attended my labor and was there for the delivery. I am glad to say time can give more perspective on things, and hormones evening out may have something to do with it. I am sure, if I get pregnant again, I will do something different and will not go to that hospital again, or at least, will be asking for a nurse who has experience catching fast born babies and also experience with unmedicated moms of many. I am so happy things turned out well, and my little walking one year old is the joy of our home.
Last year around this time, I met the couple who joined our small group and brought in some questionable ways. Really, considering my postpartum stress, I'm amazed that I didn't go further overboard when it came to that situation. I did have one conversation I'm not proud of, when I just couldn't take it anymore and told off the co-leader's wife because they were letting the man of the couple lead our group for two weeks, and it sounded like there were plans for more. I really questioned myself a lot during that time. With the frustration with the nurse, and the frustration with the couple and our small group friends...I was wondering if I'm just always looking for trouble out there.
This time last year I was getting paid a little bit to write. It was so interesting to get something published, and to have people speak to me about what I wrote because they would see it in the paper. I was shameless, and shared links with anyone and everyone (yes, I wanted people to see my work) and I feared no one would notice if I didn't email everyone possible. However, I would have people recognize me from the headshot near the story. They'd comment on the article, I got no bad comments. I also did get mail from a few people who read it, a Christmas card and something about how a woman sent my article to her son (I think this is right). I also got a call from a principal who worked with my grandpa (who was a teacher and coach). My mother and father went to school under this principal. He was happy to hear of my writing, and told me how proud my grandpa was of me and my sister. I hadn't had someone speak of my grandpa and tell me how proud of me he was for years. I also found out that a friend of my grandpa's died, one that I really liked as he went to games with my grandpa and spoke to me with great kindness. He also gave me tickets to college ball games on occassion. Sometimes I still wish my grandpa were around, he was great. He died in 1992, and I am growing to miss him more as my children grow up. I also miss my great aunt, his sister. They were lights in my life for sure. I want to be like they were, independent (I think I've got this terrible needy side, and helpless sometimes...yuck). They both were friendly, fun, great story tellers, and just real characters.
My children, this time last year school was a struggle for my now 10 year old. Just got test results back for her and she scored really well. I like the validation that something is getting in there...even though I am her teacher! My now 12 year old boy was pretty defiant much of last year, but at this time, he was pretty good because of the new baby.
It's getting late, I need to stop for now. But I do like to see, though this year is hard (finances again), that I believe this year is going better for me. I'm more steady, more myself. If I would only get motivated to spend
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| Tuesday, September 30th, 2008
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11:11 am - Huh...
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Emily,
You have an entry that if I try to comment it says I'm not authorized to see this entry. However, I could see the entry and not comment. Was I meant not to see it? (It's the "annoying" entry).
At any rate, I do think there is a point in evangelism when we become non-effective because we're not seeing how we're pushing rather than trusting God. We can share the gospel, but we are not the ones that make someone have faith. We don't have a right to manipulate someone into faith...God is the only one who grants true faith. If we are annoying (more than just being offensive because the gospel is often offensive to those who are perishing), maybe we are thinking our works will save the person rather than God. We just present the gospel, the Holy Spirit convicts and convinces. If the hard is hard, then we can only obey God (Moses probably really annoyed many in Egypt...but he was called to continue).
It's a toughie, but sometimes I've found the ones who are annoying are actually in a church/system that is not healthy. I know when I am in my "target the lost" mode, I'm often not relying on God but on myself. I do think it's important to share the faith, very important. Important to share the gospel, we're told this in the Bible. It's just that we cannot keep hitting people on the head if they aren't going to change. Nagging is not in the Bible, just going out and "make disciples."
I don't know if that makes sense.
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| Monday, September 29th, 2008
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10:35 pm - Kids...
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My kids are getting better. One has not been medicated for strep yet, but I think he now has it. Have to get him on the liquid pinkish stuff. My fighting girls (3 and 5 year olds) who were refusing to take in the medication decided today to race their other brother and took it all with no extra flavoring or anything. Meanwhile, the baby now sees the medicine squirters and thinks it's a treat. If she isn't taking her dose when the others are taking theirs, she thinks she needs hers.
I have not written about this, because we have not taught our daughter anything like this. Our 3 year old will not let us kill ants or bugs. She calls ants her "little black boys." She gets happy when a mosquito lands on her and says, "oh, wow." Then she feels the itch, and rubs around the insect, but refuses to kill it. Then it flies away and she fusses because it itches. She also will pick up a big beetle and take it outside. She is only afraid of crickets, that's it so far. How weird she is! My 5 year old girl will scream if there's a lady bug around, and hates all crawlies. The contrast is amazing.
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8:44 am - What's up, a meeting at the old church...
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I will probably never know what exactly it's all about, but my husband spoke with a man who used to go to our old church. He still meets with one of the pastors for lunch once in a while and he said there was going to be a staff meeting. One topic, "how to handle it when people bring up issues" like the ones we brought up. Of course, I became skeptical, is this a circling the wagons meeting? My husband thinks not. He says, though not much could be said, they might be speaking about the allowing of critique and listening to it. Beyond that, we know nothing. In fact, even with that, we know nothing. I wish they would be open with people about this meeting. Maybe they will in the future present it? We've decided to leave, but if our old church really was safe and preaching correctly, then we'd think of going back. Certainly, we don't expect change and don't want to force it (it should be from the Holy Spirit, not from a couple who just got frustrated and left). We left because change seemed too big, and we thought our opinion would mean nothing. It's been amazing that this is still going on, that there are meetings because of it. We really don't know what direction the meeting will take, and if it will be positive. We don't know if the church will alter it's course. We just didn't expect people to even care we left.
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| Sunday, September 28th, 2008
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1:57 pm - Midwest Contemplatives
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| Saturday, September 27th, 2008
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3:58 pm - Serious discussions in my house between sisters and mom
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5 year old: "I don't like the medicine" (screeching in the way that makes moms cringe and want to break a plate or something)
10 year old: "I had to take worse medicine before."
5 year old: "But you are bigger than me."
10 year old: "That doesn't matter, I was your age when I took it."
Me: "They do put flavoring in it, and it's supposed to make it taste better."
10 year old: "That's the trick, they tell you it tastes like bubble gum but really it tastes like pine needles."
5 year old: "I don't wanna take it!" (more screeching)
10 year old: "The only medicine I like is cherry tylenol."
5 year old: "I want to take tylenol."
10 year old: "No, that won't work."
Me: "No, that won't work, tylenol only makes the pain less for a little bit but it doesn't fix it.:
10 year old: "When are you going to take the medicine?"
5 year old: "not until Mama puts it in Jello drink."
10 year old: "She already did put Jello in it."
5 year old: "But it doesn't taste good."
The five year old comes up to me and hugs me, and she's hot. I wish she'd just take the medicine.
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1:53 pm - Prayer requests...
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We are in need of prayer. Firstly, the church thing has been very hard. We've not been available to speak to the pastor who asked to meet. This is okay as he's had time to think and we're not overly worried about meeting anymore. Not intimidated as we've had time away. My thinking is to go in and just rely on the Holy Spirit to guide what we say to the pastor. That way, we're not stressed or worried.
We also need prayer as we enter our notorious season of difficulty in finances. We're always running short at this time of year. We do well in the spring and summer, and begin to get behind in the fall and winter months (especially with the heat costs). I'd like to see my husband get into a better position, or if God wants me to contribute somehow to the family funds, that He show me and I get a good attitude about it.
I'm thinking more and more of the future. I have a degree in education, but I know it will be a long while before I can teach and the amount of time away from home will not allow homeschooling. My cousin is a nurse in L&D. She makes enough in two long shifts on the weekend to help her family get by, but can be home in the days during the week. I could see doing nights over a weekend and maybe one night during the week...and when the kids get old enough that we have the foundations laid deep, going to days. I would have to get my credentials to be a nurse, and take classes for this. It would be a few years before I could actually work. It is so stupid that I did't do nursing right off, but then again, I am teaching my kids at home and find it easy to do because of my background in education. Of course, there's always the possibility that I could get my teaching certificate back and could try to get a job with one of the virtual schools popping up as a specialist. That would mean more at home time but still doing work and getting paid for it. Pray for us on this area...finances, jobs, and how to make money stretch for us.
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1:22 am - Too close
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Obviously, we're too close in this house. I've got five children who are sick. Five. Even the one without tonsils has a sore throat. Three have been on antibiotics long enough to be safe to be around, but the 10 year old still has big tonsils. Is it possible the Z pack isn't working?
Oh, just so you know, a three year old can spit antibiotics out with her mouth closed and with a hand over her lips. Yep, strong will. She can taste antibiotics in apple juice, but she cannot taste them in jello (before it's solid). The three year old doesn't like green jello. The three year old will drink red cherry jello, and that hides the antibiotic since it's red also. If you tell the three year old that she cannot possibly finish all the jello juice, she will finish it and laugh while doing so. Wow, why didn't I try jello juice with the ten year old when she was three or the 12 year old? I recall holding him down and putting medication in him, and he also spit it out. If they spit medication out it doesn't get on them as much as it does on you. Trust me, I know. Oh, and holding a child down to give medication is about the dumbest idea in the world but I still tried it. Why? I guess I had a bad mommy moment. Some of us are slow to learn.
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| Thursday, September 25th, 2008
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9:11 am - Medicine...and children
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One of my children (the older one) has a Z pack. The medication is making her dizzy and the pharmacist says this is okay in this case, even the throwing up is not alarming. My poor 10 year old though, strep kills her. I got the antibiotics in on day one of symptoms, and she is flat on the couch. What if I waited a day?
Three year old had to be tricked and then forced with antibiotic last night. She drank some in juice, and then flat refused. I had to do the hold limbs, and squirt into the back of the throat. Lovely. She has a fever and wouldn't take any more medicine. Again, lovely. So, this morning, she's hot, uncomfortable, and I have to stuff medication in her again. Hope it goes better today.
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| Wednesday, September 24th, 2008
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11:13 pm - Okay, drug reaction/problem?
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My 10 year old just threw up basically dry heaves as she hasn't eaten all day. In that little bit of stuff there were small bits of blood. She had ibuprophen earlier today, and then the z-pack dose. Ulcers? It was only a little bit of blood. I will be watching her closely.
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11:04 pm - Sickies in the House...ugh
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My 10 year old girl is sick with fever and aches everywhere, and big tonsils. Dr. thinks it's strep so she's on a Z pack (she had a reaction to amox once...so none for her). The 3 year old had a fever and big tonsils, she was put on penicillin...but strangely had no fever when we got home. Had a fever in the Dr's office, none at home. Weird. So, I saved her penicillin (and why did the baby get amox that tastes great...and they gave the three year old some penicillin that smells horrible and I know she won't take it readily?) Of course, the Z pack worries me because ever since I took it in 2004, I've had ear ringing. Dr. told me no way, but when I looked it up, it's a rare but definitely there side effect. I am sure we won't see it in my 10 year old, but if her ears start ringing I will be frustrated as I specifically asked about it.
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| Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008
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4:36 pm - My sick little baby
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My one year old has an ear infection, red tonsils, and fever. She's got tylenol and antibiotics, and she's miserable (and hot despite the medication). I hate when they get sick. It's always, always scary.
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| Tuesday, September 16th, 2008
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11:40 pm - Challenging message
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| Monday, September 15th, 2008
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8:32 pm - Church of England Apologizes to Darwin?
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| Sunday, September 14th, 2008
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1:36 pm - Brian McLaren tied to Dallas Willard
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This site ties the two together. Missional is the link...as is emergent church. I believe it's not accurate to say that a church is "emerging" while another is "emergent" if they have the same influences or are in many of the same affiliations...but I could be wrong here.
http://www.allelon.org/history.cfm
Dallas Willard is on the board as well as McLaren. The video is revealing in my mind...going through the lense of "missional" in every aspect including how we see Greek and Hebrew as well as church history and also the idea that "we don't know where we are going." So, these leaders are working with colleges to change seminary curriculum and they don't know where it's all headed. We're supposed to be giddy about this?
Also, an article showing parallels between some authors and others...in terms of everyone talking about the same thing...
http://www.lighthousetrailsresearch.com/blog/index.php?p=1209&c=1
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| Saturday, September 13th, 2008
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8:01 pm - Sorry those who are reading...
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I'm glad my baby J is only one year old, that way she doesn't know how self absorbed I am on HER Birthday. Must get my focus back. She had bee cake, and several fun birthday presents. She is getting ready for bed now. I'm so glad I have a baby who is one and not a memory of her birth and death like I could have (with all that trisomy 18 scare). People tell me all the time how they were praying for her back then and how great she looks. She is definitely a miracle, but not because she doesn't have trisomy 18...that was already set at the moment of conception. She's a miracle in the way every child is a miracle. At least she is to me....
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