It's now been 9 months since my last post. Damn, that's not nothing. Time seems to just fly right by when all you're dealing with is problems. Anybody in need of some stress, cause I'll happily hand some of mine over. [sigh] This is getting ridiculous, it seems like EVERYTHING in my life is doomed to go wrong. I've got all kinds of problems and tonight another shitload just got dumped on me. It just too much and any other person would be on the phone right now, venting to friends and family, but I'm just not that kind of person. I won't saddle anyone else up with my shit.
And then I remembered Livejournal. It's probably sad when it's the only place you can turn to for releasing all the tension, but I guess I'm just a sad person then.
Where to start, where to start...
Okay, how about the family problems. Stick with me here. No matter how Bold and the Beautiful it sounds, I didn't make any of this up.
It goes back a long, long while, but can be summed up in one short, neat, little sentence.
My family is not my family. At least, that's how I feel about it. You don't pull the things they pull on strangers, let alone relatives. Ever heard of the saying: keep your friends close, but your enemy closer. With me, it's not so much a choice. It all started with when my mother got married to my father. They immediately alienated her, claiming she was just as bad as my father's previous wife. Not a good start, huh?
Just to make it clear, my dad wasn't really a boyscout. He drank, he did drugs, he went through money like toiletpaper and had more girlfriends than Paris Hilton has handbags. My mom, god bless her, actually put it with everything. I don't agree, of course, but when I was finally old enough to understand, things had already gotten out of control. I remember my dad coming home from a night of drinking, and me and my brother
(5 and 6 years old) trying to keep our father from entering the bathroom our mom was in, afraid he was going to do something to her. A friend of mine coming over to play and all of us huddling under the bar so that my dad wouldn't see us through the window and hopefully go away
(she never played at our house again).When I was six, my mother finally filed for divorce. Her inlaws were outraged. My grandmother actually wrote her a letter about how good of a husband my father was and how bad of a wife she was, and that she should stay with him, and at least do it for the kids, and she was nothing without my father, bla bla bla. She still has that letter and I feel like punching someone whenever I read it. But my mother held strong, even through the threats.
Now, my father had a lot of debts,
500.000 to be exact. During the divorce, it was the inlaws
(not my dad) that tried to dump them on my mom. She was already struggling making ends and taking care of two children, and now this. Luckily, a good friend stood by her and managed to avoid being saddled with the debt.
In less than a year, my father had destroyed himself. I was seven when he died.
Again, the inlaws tried to pin his debt on my mom, but since the divorce had
JUST gotten through, it was another close call. My mother, however, is a very... introvert person. She bottles everything up and never deals with things, no matter how bad it gets. She also tried to make the best of it with the inlaws for me and my brother, wanting us to have a family. We were still young, so we didn't notice anything. She was always put down, however, be it remarks on her looks, financial state, opinion, or intelligence. Even on my grandmother's
deathbed, the old woman still criticized my mom.
When my grandmother died, the family immediately swooped in and took anything valuable, together with over a million of
illegal money she'd inherited from my late grandfather. All within mere days. She also owned over half of the stocks in the family business. Me and my brother were young, never looked back and never heard anything of it. Last year, though, they wanted us to sign something concerning our grandmother's debt. But she never had any debt, so we were suspicious and refused to sign anything. They got pissed and basically
blackmailed us. Nice, huh?
Now, we don't have any contact with my cousin anymore, but that's a whole story in itself. She had two adorable kids with a good friend of mine, best guy ever, but cheated on him. And left him for somebody with more money. And tried to take the kids, unless he took over the debt she'd made
(her parents' daughter, right?) and put back the money in their children's savings account
(so she could withdraw and spend it like last time).But moving on....I've never actually known
how my father died, to be honest. My mother never questioned anything or went after straight-forward answers. It's only recently starting to bug me that I don't really know the answer when someone asks me how my dad died. I know that there was a hole in his head, but don't know if it was the result of a fall, getting hit on the head, or something else. He dealt with some rather dangerous people, so all of which are likely. A few weeks back, I tried to pry the answer out of my mom and she didn't know. So she called my uncle to ask him.
Basically he got real mad and started implying my mother thought he'd killed my dad.
WTF!? That sonofabitch had the nerve to yell at my mother, call her all kinds of names and hang up the phone. I tried to call him back
(I was pissed, alright) but he had the secretary turn me down four times until I gave up. We all actually live really near eachother so we see them a lot, but never greet or look their way. They're so childish. I even went to my cousin's kids' birthday party, since they're always asking for me (love them to death). When my aunt and uncle came in, they didn't even spare me a glance.
God, I hate these people.Now, my other cousin has always been rather easygoing. We don't hang out, but at least we can speak like civil people. Friends of his had business with my mother, and he was supposed to drop off some stuff at our house for them. No problem. Just now, though, he calls up my mom, saying:
"You can take care of your own business, I never want to see you again. You're a f#cked up b!tch to say those things about my father. How could you even think he murdered Robbert [my dad].
Stay out of our lives."
Well, that's just....
Have I mentioned how much I hate these people?I can't even get into the trouble I have with my love life, work and study right now, I'm so wired. And I think I've written about enough for one night.
[sigh] Can't anything just be simple?
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artistic
creative
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crappy
quixotic
<---- Cheryl
lazy
horny
for lurrrrrve
The gruelling Colonel Tavington played by the gorgeous Jason Isaacs. In this scene, he's just been shot down by the General and the emotion in his eyes momentarily reminds me of a kicked puppy before returning back to thier cold gaze. Such a profound actor, and I really am a sucker for the eyes ;-P
Oh dear! It's the Wee Little Puppet Man! And strangely enough, Puppet!Angel can still kick Hot!Spike ass. Hilarious episode.
Not feeling too good here
