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Remembering ...
I remember last year's new year beginning with a burden. I thought then how sad my year was starting out and hoping the rest of the year would turn out okay. I guess hoping is for suckers. Alas here I am, thinking the worst has passed me by ... I guess thinking is for suckers too.
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Schizophrenic Conversations
Are you afraid, afraid of the truth In the mirror staring back at you. The image is cracked but so is the view, yeah. The strength of a tree begins in the roots That I tend bury into you At least now the storm can't blow me away. So crawl inside my head with me. I'll show you how it feels to be, To blame like me. Should I be afraid of this face that I see In the mirror staring back at me? So cold were the days where I listen to you. And you say that I'm weak show me the proof Because I still exist in spite of you But I won't compete with you every day. So crawl inside my head with me. I'll show you how it feels to be, To blame like me. Schizophrenic conversations that I'm always having with myself. I hear these voices in my head competing. Maybe I could use a little help I still have schizophrenic conversations Where there's no one else around to hear. I long for solitude and peace within me Void of all the anger and the fear. So crawl inside my head with me. I'll show you how it feels to be, Fucked up like me. I'll show you how it feels to be To blame like me Ashamed like me .. Artist: Staind Title: Schizophrenic Conversations
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A curfew ...
Now there's a curfew in New York City for kids under 18. They can't be out in public places without an adult from 12am - 6am. If they are found out at these times, they will be escorted back home or have parents pick them up. If the parents knowingly lets the kid go out at these times, they will be fined. I'm so glad this didn't happen when I was a teen. But I'm also glad that it's in force to keep unsupervised kids out of the streets late at night.
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Relationship Quiz
eXpressive: 7/10 You are a XPIT--Expressive Practical Intellectual Taker. This makes you a Manager.
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Nadie Como Ella
Ella sabe darse toda En un instante Derretir con la mirada Un corazón Ella es fuego que se siente En mis labios cuando Hacemos el amor Es una aventura Coro: No hay nadie como ella Ella no es como las otras (Repite coro) No hay nadie como ella Es fuego que quema No hay nadie como ella No hay nadie No hay nadie No hay nadie como ella Artist: Marc Anthony
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Love Wouldn't Count Me Out
Oh, I believed in us Tell me what are you thinking? Why can't we make it? Why would you say those things to me? If you're trying to break this Just go ahead and say it If you are in love then why let it go? Tell me please, what's happened, baby? It used to be that I believed in everything you said I wonder why you hurt me
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Sexual Compatibilty Update
Is it normal to be so low ? |
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Sex Compatibility
Hurry people and jump on the bandwagon .... I want to know who I'm sexually compatible with. ;) |
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Going Under
Now I will tell you what I've done for you 50,000 tears I've cried Screaming, Deceiving, And bleeding for you And you still won't hear me ....GOING UNDER.... Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself Maybe I'll wake up for once (wake up for once) Not tormented daily defeated by you Just when I thought I'd reach the bottom [Chorus] Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies I'm dying again I'm dying again Artist: Evanesence
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Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
 Got mine ... Did you get yours ?
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Fade To Black
Life it seems, will fade away Drifting further every day Getting lost within myself Nothing matters no one else I have lost the will to live Simply nothing more to give There is nothing more for me Need the end to set me free Things are not what they used to be No one but me can save myself, but it's too late Yesterday seems as though it never existed Artist: Metallica
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Much aggravation ...
I've been playing Black & White these past few days. Been needing to get my mind off of a lot of things so I've locked myself into the gaming world. =D Had it for about a year and now is when I want to finish it. In the beginning, the game didn't want to work. Went through so much shit to make it work. I even cleaned out my HD with a fresh install for like the 100th time. Anyway, it worked eventually. Just an hour or so ago, I'm on the last part of the game. Almost finished with it and then the game decides to crash. That was annoying. Good thing the game has save points. So I go to load the last saved game and it's not there !! Ugh ! It just disappeared ! I was almost done with the fucking game and now everything is gone. I have to start back all over. :: sigh :: And to think I was trying to temporarily escape from my problems in the real world ... Guess gaming wasn't the right idea cause I'm more frustrated now then I was before I started playing.
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So I was bored ...
It seems I pretty much have a high compatibility to most. :) |
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It's not even dark yet on my side of the world and yet I just want to go to bed. It's Friday and I could be out but I'm just so tired now. So I have been getting some semblence of sleep in the last two days. It wasn't much but if I'm REM'ing then it's good sleep right? I think not because I still wake up feeling unrested. Today, I went to bed at 7am and woke up 4 hours later with my heart thudding hard in my chest. I awoke from a dream that I was having. Somehow, I had a dream that I had a baby laying down next to me in bed and he had rolled over resulting in falling off the bed. I went with instinctual reflex to catch him before he fell onto the floor but then I woke up. I had felt so scared in my dream that he would've gotten hurt bad. I felt so maternal. Throughout my whole sleep I was dreaming of babies. I woke up twice and went back to sleep dreaming the same thing. That's weird because that's nearly impossible to dream of the same thing three consecutive times in a row. I dreamt that I had twins. A boy and girl but they were a month apart. I don't even know why I'm posting on here about it but in the dream I was happy that I had them. I find that so ironic because I know I wouldn't be in real life if I was in that situation. Or maybe I would. I couldn't really say since I never had any children before. Why is it that whenever you're either really really tired or hungry, you get a headache? Is there an explanation for this? I'd really like to know. Or maybe it's just me that this happens to? Right now, I'm both hungry and tired but the bed looks more invitng to me than the fridge so sleepytime it is till wherever.
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"You don't know the pain that I feel. You take my love for granted and you just want to see it your way..." Those are lyrics to a song btw. I don't know why they're stuck in my head right at this moment. I'm confused as to why I am feeling what I am feeling right now. Something is bothering me bad but I don't now what it is directly. I got a whole lot of issues but they eventually all get lumped together like a pile of manure. Frankly, I don't give a shit to my problems any more. But this feeling of frustration and something else .... Two hours ago, I felt scared like something was gonna happen. Shortly after, I just wanted to blatantly rage at someone because of the way I was feeling. I felt like my ribs were crushing my lungs and heart. Like something heavy was placed on top of my chest. Somehow I had this picture of myself as a tiny ant under a boulder in my mind ... A couple of minutes ago, I straight out wanted to weep my eyes out my sockets. I should be sleeping right now. That was the original plan. But I can't seem to close my eyes in peace without feeling dread. I haven't slept since Monday and that's fine. I don't care if I do or not. Normal routines like eating and sleeping right have long been gone ... Why am I feeling like this? There will be no answers for me tonight. Nor do I feel that any other time will the answers come. I just have to let time pass I guess ...
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Sort of forgot about LJ for a minute...
So yeah, a lot of things have kept me sort of busy. It's not like I have a job or have to go to school like regular people do, but nevertheless I've been busy. I downloaded this new LJ client. It's still beta-ish but I sorta like it. I'm a beta whore. I changed the font to my entries too. Hey Abee's comp has been bugging out so I took the intiative to try to fix it. The CD burner doesn't want to work right. Everything that's burned or played on it, is slow and the sound is horrible. Then the DVD player wanted to start making this clicking noise everytime it was opened and closed. Grrrrrr! This comp is less than 4 months old to be going through these problems. Like if it wasn't bad already his wireless keyboard stopped working. This was like a nightmare. I called Dell to get the burner replaced. That was cool till I put the new one in. The same result. So it wasn't the burner actually having problems. It's something else. Although the problem wasn't solved, the DVD player stopped making the noises. Then the keyboard started working again just as I was on the phone with Microsoft to get it replaced. Funny shit. I had tried everything to get it to work and it didn't want to. Maybe dropping the transceiver on the floor, made it connect better. LoL I don't know. But the main problem still exists so that means something internally is fucked up. Something along the lines of the IDE controller or power supply. I'm taking it to Lu's house to see if he can shed some light on this problem. If he can't fix it, then I'm back on the phone with Dell again. Maybe to get a technician out here. Then I can filrt my way to some free software and stuff when he gets out here. I'm suppose to see the Matrix: Reloaded this weekend. I don't know if I want to though. I hate going to see a much anticipated movie on opening weekend. Especially where I'm at, which is Manhattan. People just can't shut the fuck up and watch the damn movie anymore. Lu said we might go to Palisades Mall to see it so we can avoid the crowded theaters. I love that place. I've been thinking of doing my room over. From new furniture to new bedding. I need more space. I feel crowded by everything in here. I've been browsing through websites to find everything I need. So far the color theme I'm going with is grey or silver-ish. I've found just about everything from Ikea and Bed, Bath, and Beyond that I'd like to get but I'm still at a loss for a computer desk and bed sheets. I need to find a desk that can accomodate two computers and peripherals. Oh and two desk chairs ... Anyway, I'm off to pack up the computer and my personal things. I'm gonna be leaving around 4pm to spend the weekend at Lu's. So ciao ...
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sore
exhausted
lonely
blank
excited
amused
aggravated
tired
anxious
busy