This journal is mostly friends only. I am going to start opening it up more because I hate missing out on the opportunity to meet new friends, but the majority of the archives are locked and there will probably be locked posts on at least a weekly basis. If you would like to be on my FL, by all means ask! I am only friends only because a psychotic local person found my blog and was harassing me. According to statcounter she is still lurking around, just hoping for an opening.

Please comment to be added! I swear I don't bite, though I do ramble on excessively.

First, an update on the sleeping because I know there are a couple of you out there who care. We toddler/preschooler moms have to stick together! Friday night I slept in the guest room and let Mike take care of Erik. The boy slept in his little bed until 7:30 am. Whoo-hoo! Last night we all slept in our room with Erik in the little bed. He didn't want to go in because it is "too small" and he ended up having a pretty rough night. He had lots of nightmares and cried out a lot. He finally woke up at 6:45 and started crying for mommy.

Enough about that.

I know you all just want to see a picture of the cake. I had no idea I had such a talented friend! It's amazing what happens when you casually proclaim your love of Freecycle to all and sundry. Suddenly you have a birthday cake that looks like this:



I got the pan off freecycle but didn't think I would get to use it. Erik is not a Blue's Clues freak. He barely watches it, but suddenly our birthday party had a theme. It turned out to be a really great theme because we were able to hide some clues around and the kids LOVED that game. After they collected the clues, we had them decorate pumpkins with foam stickers, which was the perfect way to let little kids have fun without making a mess. If you're planning a Halloween party for little ones I totally recommend you click that link up there. Unfortunately we didn't get any good pictures of the pumpkin or the process. I put most of the pics up at my fall Flickr set if you are dying of curiosity.



We were having a co-party with another little boy. That's totally the way to do it! It meant half the set-up, clean-up and cost. Whoo-hoo! Plus, she is an elementary school teacher with an older daughter so she knows all the party tricks. She lives out in the country with a HUGE backyard, so the whole thing was perfect. We did the pumpkins, ate pizza, ate cake, let the kids play and went home. All the kids had a blast in the big backyard. No excessive entertainment was required.

When it was time to cut the cake, most of the grown-ups preferred a cupcake, so not much of the cake was used since we gave the kids such small portions. Erik started begging for Blue's nose. I had the knife. It was his birthday. I made an executive mom decision and performed surgery on poor Blue. Erik got his nose and everyone else got to laugh at the sight of a big chunk of cake cut out of the middle.



I'm sure it surprises no one that he licked the frosting off and left the cake. Really, why bother with cake at little kid parties? Just pipe frosting onto their plates and they'll be happy.

Am I crazy for wanting to let Erik have a birthday party all the time? Of course I don't really want to throw a bunch of parties, but it was so fun to see him so excited. All he could talk about the night before were the party hats. The day of the party it finally dawned on him that he was going to get to see his friends, so the excitement level tripled. He kept asking for his best little buddies all day, even though once he saw them all he wasn't too interested in most of them (with the notable exception of his best little buddy, Irish Lad).

And that was that.

Now it's time for the next big project: finishing the border for the round robin quilt I'm working on, finishing our chair re-covering, and finishing Erik's Once Upon a Time quilt. I have some serious work to do, people!

Remember how excited I was about Erik finally sleeping in the big boy bed? I was doing cartwheels (mentally. . . no matter how much I Body Pump, I'll never be able to do a cartwheel) and happy dancing and all that fun stuff.

Cut to midnight.

Erik is flip-flopping, his extremities are hitting the rail, he's moaning, he's not breathing, he's sighing. I'm laying in my bed, wide awake, waiting for my poor sweet darling to need me. We don't have much room in the apartment, so his toddler bed is in our bedroom. This is not going to work.

At midnight I did the lamest thing ever and brought him back into my bed so I could sleep. He never even woke up.

LAME!

I think I'm sleeping in the guest room tonight and letting Mike deal with the noises and worries. I have never claimed to be into attachment parenting, but let's face it. . . a lot of the stuff we do is pretty classic AP. I'm having a hard time letting go. I'm a wee bit sad that tonight the boy didn't even ask to go in the big bed. He wanted his little bed. That's excellent, but it tugs at the heart strings a little. All you other moms out there, have faith! Eventually they will grow up and stop having so many issues. I didn't realize it could take three years to get all these sleep/weaning issues settled when I started this whole parenting business.

On to other things. . .

My hand is killing me. I made a double batch of Wilton frosting and would like to have a word or two with the person who wrote the recipe. I've never decorated a cake before, so I just assumed that the recipe was The Recipe and not to be deviated from. It was so thick and chunky that I timidly added more milk and then just figured that it was supposed to be thick and gross so it would stand up for roses and such.

I spend almost two hours getting the frosting made and little portions of it colored. I didn't really know the best way to approach it, so I scooped out the different amounts I needed, put them in glass bowls, then mixed the colors in my hand. This is not the best way AT ALL. I should have used the mixer, and I should have went with my gut and put a whole lot more milk in the frosting.

Lesson learned, I suppose. One of my very talented friends came up and did the actual decorating for me. She's the best! I really appreciated her taking the time out of her life to come up and do such a big favor for me. The cake looks beautiful and Erik is thrilled.

By the way, if you ever need to make a shit load of frosting and decorate a cake, I don't recommend having a three year old in the room. He did really well--he never touched the cake and he only tried to stick the frosting bag in his mouth once. He did manage to steal one spoon, but he didn't ruin anything. He just begged for frosting the whole time. For hours. Beg beg beg. And it's not like I was depriving him. He ate way too much frosting and will probably have crayon colored poop tomorrow. His famous line of the night "My mouth is sad." Meaning, his mouth wanted to have more frosting in it. What a little goober. Really, though, I have to give him big kudos on his self-control. He stood right over the cake and kept saying "I want a big bite! I'm gonna get a big bite!" but he never made a move to touch it. The whole evening could have ended in a fiasco involving a blue covered preschool, but instead we got a really cute cake. Pictures tomorrow, I promise.

Now for the big question. We are having a Blues Clues themed party. The cake is not enough to feed us all, so I'm making yummy chocolate cupcakes with cheesecake filling. Do I use all the left over frosting in an array of colors for the cupcakes or do I stick with the original plan and make seven minute frosting and sprinkle them with blue sprinkles? The frosting colors are blue, purple, orange and pink. I hate to waste it, but I don't want to be a doofus and have ugly cupcakes if anyone cares about things like that. Do people care at a three year old birthday party? Argh! I guess I better make the pretty cupcakes because I care and I am my own worst critic.

And now it's time to go turn my face teal. I need to do everything in my power to keep my face clear for tomorrow. I already noticed two giant zits, so I'm going to try to the proper cleaning route instead of getting a scabby face for the party.

I know I already posted today, but that was just a rant-fest. This is exciting news!

Erik willingly went into his big boy bed tonight and appears to intend on sleeping there!!!!!!!

Non-co-sleepers are probably muttering dark things under their breath, but whatever. This is a huge milestone for us and it's about darned time. I would love him to have a little more independence at night. He is such a wild, wonderful, happy, adventurous little boy by day but as soon as bed time rolls around he has to be snuggled up so closely that he gets pit hair in his eyes.

After my venting earlier today, things improved greatly. I went over to my friend's house and collected a boat load of icing colors so we can decorate the birthday cake tomorrow night. She had seven of the eight colors I needed, so that save a ton of cash. I love saving cash! I love friends! You know I am a huge fan of all my online friends, but it is SO NICE to have someone who lives five minutes away. If I need something physical, I can get it. I know there are tons of you out there who would be happy to share your icing colors with me, but distance makes it impossible. There's just something about hanging out in the physical realm that makes life a little happier.

She lives right across from the strip mall, so we hit Micheal's and Erik was a very good boy. We were right next to TJ Maxx, so I got a wild hair up my butt and decided we should try to get Erik a new pair of shoes. I usually get his shoes at Ross Dress For Less in Klamath Falls, but my shoe buying plans were destroyed, along with all my other plans for Week 2 of our big visit thanks to the stomach plague. Now he could really use a new pair of tennis shoes, but I hate to pay full price after being spoiled by Ross. Does TJ Maxx not carry children's shoes? We couldn't find any and it pissed me off. I did find an awesome pair of Sketchers that I have to have for myself, but they didn't have the sizes listed anywhere and I didn't have time to search for an unlikely pair of 11WW.

Afterwards, we wandered into World Market. You guys have all heard of the amazing Australian cookie, the Tim Tam, right? I've been hearing about them for years and have been intrigued. The other day someone posted that you can get them at World Market under a different name, so when I saw them I had to get some! I have finally tasted the heaven that is the Tim Tam. Eh. It's all right, but not worth all the hoopla. I'll have to try a Tim Tam Slam and see if that changes my mind.

I still had to pick up some grocery supplies for the cake, so I went into the new and improved Giant even though I HATE Giant. They had a new thing where you can pick up a scanner at the front of the store and scan your groceries as you shop. I had a couple of problems just because it was such a new concept, and bagging the groceries was a pain, but otherwise I really liked it! I let Erik hold the scanner, which managed to keep him happy. I was a little leery of the whole idea until it was time to check out. I was able to pay and go without talking to a single human being. What's not to love?

Annnnnnndddddd. . . . Mike just came out of the bedroom. Erik is really asleep in his little bed! I think this requires a party!

I have been planning my evening all day. I just called Mike to confirm that I should pick him up from the train station at the regular time, but nooooooooooooo bastard controller didn't come to work today just because the company isn't issuing paychecks, so Mike's going to be three hours late. That does not fit into my plans.

No, I don't actually have anything against the controller. That's exactly what I would do. I have something MAJOR against the company and can't wait for Mike to start his new new (Nov. 3).

I guess I could take Erik with me on my errands, but GAH! No! We have to go to the party supply store to pick up a cake board and colors. Do you want to take a kid into a store with an abundance of eye-level lollipops and other fun things? Neither do I. I really want to get the frosting made tonight just so I can say it's d-o-n-e. I am a master procrastinator about some things, but not about getting items that other people are depending on.

I also had a pissy little morning. We went out to a play group with my new moms group and Queen Bitch was present. I'm not locking this and I don't care if she ever reads this. When she can't even acknowledge another person's presence with a hello, I'm going to call her Queen Bitch. If she wants to take it up with me, fine. I have a giant FU I'm willing to say to her face.

Anyway, some of the people brought trikes for their kids. That's their right, of course, though I will never understand the point of going to a playground to ride bikes. I fail to grasp the concept. It seems like every time I try to be smart and bring Erik's trike, no one else has one and he gets freaked out if anyone touches it. So then I don't bring it, because I think it's stupid and everyone else has one and he's left out. I just can't win at this game. Usually the groups I'm with are big on sharing, but the Bitch Group was at the playground today, so instead of asking their kids to share, they watched as Erik had a total and complete meltdown because no one would let him ride. It's not that they weren't sharing. They just weren't sharing with HIM. Every time one of the kids would abandon a trike, I'd tell him to go get on it for a turn, but then the kids would see him and race over and beat him to it. My blood was beyond boiling. I always make Erik share everything he takes to the playground even when he doesn't want to. I would expect the same courtesy from other members of the group (not random strangers, but people I am supposed to be hanging out with!).

I scooped him up, and left. Before I could leave, my friend (who missed the whole thing because her son was swinging) came down and suggested we go get a couple of bikes from her house. I love that woman.

When we got back, the other kids decided they wanted the bike Erik was on. You can bet you sweet little bippy that Mama Bear came out with a vengeance and they didn't get to spoil his fun. I guess I'm an immature little cry baby, but I'm all about "turn about is fair play." Don't share with my kid, I am NOT going to make him share with you. He is not going to be raised to be a door mat. I am all about the sharing and fairness, but once you've screwed with him (or me) I'm done with the nicey-nice.

Luckily, the bitch clique is not very active in this group. The majority of members are really nice and very friendly. There are a couple of people that I want to cultivate as long term friends and overall it has been a much better experience than my previous moms group. I plan on avoiding the bitches in the future. If they want to play little girl games, I'll be more than happy to oblige. I can ignore with the best of them.

Lesson learned: stick Erik's trike in the trunk of the car and take it everywhere even though he doesn't really get how to pedal yet (his little legs are still a couple of centimeters too short).

Facebook has declared I am now in a relationship with Mike, so I guess I am finally married for real. Nothing like good old Web 2.0 to define your relationships, right?

Speaking of, I am getting a little freaked out by Facebook. Some local friends have found me and comment on my status updates when I see them in person. It is always something really innocuous like wanting to send Erik to boarding school or cards being towed in the parking lot, but it takes me a minute to realize they are talking about the shiny exterior of facebook and not the murky depths of my journal. I'll probably have a panic attack one of these days and no one will be able to figure out why.

I've also got a ton of people from college on there, which makes me laugh because I am totally not the person I was back then. Most of the people didn't even know the real me anyway because I was shy and scared all four years, but I guess I just assume that they assume I was a good little Christian girl who believed exactly what they believed. I take great joy in posting pro-Obama, anti-Republican things just for the sake of tweaking their noses a little. Of course, they probably don't get that I am being a nose tweaker and instead they probably want to pray for the state of my soul. I doubt any of them care enough about me to actually offer up a prayer. Instead, I'm sure they just shake their heads and think judgemental thoughts. Surely there must be more people who have run wild, don't you think, MB? Who has fun and isn't afraid to say it?

Erik and I had a much better day today, mainly because Mike was home all day. I hate his late night maneuvers, but I'm going to be so sad when he doesn't have them any more. No more hanging around the house on weekdays for him, I'm afraid. Really, though, it is better for him to work normal hours. I hate to think of him out driving at 3 am and I hate to see how tired he is the next day.

We've been holding out on getting Erik's hair cut because we didn't want another summer buzz. It's getting cooler, so we figured the kid deserved some protective fur on his noggin. I think I have an unhealthy obsession with male hair because I CAN'T STAND sloppy, raggedness. It kind of makes me insane to see shaggy boys with no style. It has been VERY VERY VERY hard to let Erik grow out his hair a little, and today I finally put my foot down. His birthday party is on Saturday and I can't have him looking ragged in the pictures. We took him to a professional, armed with a purse full of his favorite fruit snacks and a promise to get ice cream if he didn't cry. I told the guy we wanted to have a longer, winter look but he buzzed my poor baby. It looks very handsome so I'm happy even though his little skull is going to get frostbite. He cried a little, but I kept shoving fruit snacks in his mouth and the promise of ice cream worked its magic.

Has anyone been watching Tabitha's Salon Takeover? The barber shop would not have passed muster. After Erik was finished, we noticed he had a lot of black stuff on his forehead. Upon inspection, it appeared to be black hairs, presumably from the dirty clippers. Say it with me now: EWWWWWWW!!!!!

Erik got his ice cream, as promised, then ran amuck at the playground. It was sort of spitting rain so there weren't any other kids, though an older boy stopped by for a second. Erik always announces himself to everyone he meets, so the kid perked up and went to talk to him because his name was also Erik. . . only. . . it was spelled . . . in a unique way.

I had no idea there was a fourth way to spell Erik/Eric/Erick but if you think really hard maybe you can come up with the alternate spelling.

*waiting*

*waiting*

*waiting*

E-R-I-Q

Hmmmmm. . . I think it might grow on me.

Also, I'm forgetting Arryck, the fantasy way to spell the name. In my first attempt at a fantasy novel I had a character named Keave Arryck and was determined to name my first boy child the same. I totally forgot about that until just this moment. I have a feeling neither Mike nor Erik will go for a name change this late in the game. Maybe Keave for Hypothetical Baby Number 2? Except I really hate that name, so I think not. HBN2 will be named Kai and that shall be that (unless HBN2 turns out to be a girl. Or Mike kills me. He hates the name more than you can imagine, unless you are a Swede who's familiar with the Kai the Pedophile song).

On that note, it's off to bed for me before I turn into a pumpkin. It's too close to Halloween to risk being an orange bulbous vegetable. Someone might carve chunks out of me and that would hurt. Only I wouldn't have a mouth to scream. So they wouldn't stop! I'd be ruined for life! See the importance of a proper bed time?

I'm looking into boarding schools for Erik, but there seems to be a dearth of preschool boarding schools. Dagnabbit. This kid knows how to get on my last nerve. I am so tired of constantly having to play games, talk sweet, and use reverse psychology to get the child to do anything. Is it really so hard to put your clothes on when you need to put them on? Does he really have to run around the house naked, screeching and kicking? Does he really have to stand there and refuse to move when we need to go somewhere? Does he really need to be so danged defiant? I'm exhausted!

Yet, there are times that he's so sweet it almost makes me cry. Lately he's been spontaneously saying "Mama, I love you" a whole bunch and he is very affectionate and funny. Except, of course, when I need to go somewhere or do something. He's got his own agenda and it doesn't jive with mine.

We had preschool today and he drove me nuts. The teacher had the letters of all their names scattered through out the room and they had to go find them, then spell their name and count all the letters (with lots of help from mom). Erik found his letters easily, but refused to count. Instead, he went over to the snack table and counted the letters for everyone else's names on their name tags. You guys know I am a perfectionist, right? This drives me INSANE. Just sit there and do it RIGHT for the love of all that is holy!

Not that I let him see this attitude. I try to be patient and calm, but some days it is a big challenge. I'm not exactly known for my patience or my ray of sunshine attitude.

Mike had to go to work tonight, so I got the delightful task of putting the boy to sleep with no help from daddy or the boobies while a thunderstorm raged on. Jumping every time the kid says "I have to poop!" or "I have to pee!" gives them a perfect stalling weapon, but how can you not respond? What if they really do need to poop? In his defense, he did poop both times he used it as a stalling tactic, but it was still driving me batty. He thought he should get to go watch TV while he sat on the potty, but instead I made him sit on the big toilet with just a nightlight on. Maybe if he sees it isn't fun he won't start that on a regular basis.

I feel like there's nothing exciting to write about and no funny stories to share. The gym switched the locker rooms around today so the women's room could be worked on by male workers, which could lead to a fantastic story of embarrassment and co-ed nudity. Luckily for me, unluckily for you, there were no mix-ups involving hot, sexy men staring at my over sized body. The two urinals were the most exotic things in the locker room, and I hope to live without ever smelling the stench of urinal cakes again.

I guess that means I better shut down the computer and go to bed. It'd be nice to get a good night's sleep instead of spending my evening staring at the computer screen, waiting for something profound to show up in my e-mail.

I need to go back on my shake for breakfast, shake for lunch diet. It SUCKS hard core, but it is a great way to limit my calories and maybe my amazing expanding waistline would shrink a little. If I'm going to look pregnant and need maternity clothes it would be nice to get the reward of sweet baby toes.

We played Clean the Freezer for dinner tonight and ended up with stuffed bell peppers. They are excellent when fresh, but when the filling comes out of the freezer they make me want to hurl. So now I'm hungry. I'm always hungry. I can rarely think of a time when I'm not ravenous.

I can't believe I haven't worked on my Dear Jane quilt in weeks. I was on a roll, but came to a screeching halt when I started making a block that got all screwed up. Instead of moving on, I just sit and ponder and sitting and pondering doesn't get many stitches in the fabric. Just like sitting and pondering doesn't get many award winning fantasy books written.

I haven't worked on Erik's family blog in forever either, but tonight Mike requested I post some pictures (why? Do they even look at it?) so I took a page from my friend's book and got my Shutterfly sharing page all set up. It isn't as nice as a blog, but it is much faster. Since I upload all my photos there anyway it will be much easier to keep the family in pictures. Not that they ever look at them. Which is why I never update.

Or maybe they do look. They just don't comment and we all know I'm all about the comments.

Did I ever mention that our MOMS Club went bowling last week? Erik LOVED it. He didn't love waiting his turn, but he loved everything else. The other kids were starting to wilt about five frames in, but he never gave up. I might like bowling too if I could have bumpers up. They also had this really cool ramp that the kids used to roll the ball down the lanes.




The kid balls only weighed six pounds. Erik refused to let me help him with it.

It was super cheap entertainment for an hour. They didn't charge us for our shoes (I didn't understand the mumbled explanation, but I'm not complaining). This is definitely something we'll do again, probably as a family. We just have to figure out the league bowling times.

Speaking of league bowling, who has time to go bowling on a weekday morning? There were all kinds of signs plastered all over the place, begging for people to join various ladies teams on weekday mornings. Is it retired women? Non-fancy housewives? What? I know the bowling alleys are packed during league times, but who really joins a bowling league? Tell me! Are you on a bowling league?

I think I have a mosquito bite on the bottom of my foot. That's the most bah humbug thing of all.

Body Pump was really annoying today because it was PACKED and I was lucky to get a spot in the back. I had two newbies in front of me and they were giggling and not even trying to follow along. I couldn't see the teacher, couldn't focus, and got all confused. At least I could do all my push-ups.

I am hoping if I get all my complaints out here, I won't have to think about them all night long. There are lots of good things about life, too. My friend gave me a big bag of clothes for Erik. We hung out together all day and had fun. We were on a mission to check out a coffee shop that had a children's play area so we could use it for future play group play dates. Turns out, they got rid of the children's area over a year ago. That was Not Fun. The kids were really good until their smoothies hit their bloodstreams. I thought we were being healthy buy getting them smoothies, but these smoothies were ice and sugar syrup instead of fruit and yogurt. Oh. My. God. The kids went NUTSO. I've never seen Erik on a sugar high like that before. I thought my friend was going to kill both the kids. I couldn't be bothered since I'd just done Body Pump and was too tired to be irritated.

Ok, time for bed. I'm going to sleep well and wake up happy. I'm not particularly unhappy tonight, just irritated. I blame the weaning hormones.

When I was hired for my first teaching job, a couple of experienced teachers descended upon me and promptly taught me the most important phrase a teacher can have "sorry, I'd love to, but my plate is full." And boy oh boy was it full. I certainly didn't have time to coach the cheerleading squad. Can you even picture that?

These days my plate is full. I don't know how it happened, but we are running hither and yon every morning and some afternoons. I've brought a lot of it on myself by insisting on two Body Pump classes a week and at least three days of cardio, but still! Wow, are we busy. This is all to the good since the more we are out and about, the less time I have to be driven crazy by a certain preschooler.

Yesterday I got a nice little respite from it all, complete with babysitter and fancy dinner out! The sitter looked a little worse for wear when we got home and said "He never stops talking." Isn't that my quote? I hope she'll come back sometime.

We ended up seeing Burn After Reading, which was pretty funny in a "wtf????" way. We spent the first half of the movie trying to figure out what was going to happen and the second half of the movie trying to figure out how this could possibly be a movie plot. It was all good fun with a great cast and no preschooler, so what's not to like? Tilda Swinton's character made the Narnia ice queen look like a warm fuzzy Santa Claus. Brad Pitt plays an idiot almost too well, and George Clooney was a creepy pervert. It was extra fun for us since it was set in DC and we recognized some of the places.

Today we spent a good portion hanging out with our Dr. Saturn friends. I got back my pottery that I painted last week. I need to give up on my artistic aspirations. I never would have paid $25 for this piece of crap in a store. I guess I was paying for the experience, and I did have a lot of fun, but wowzers, do I suck at things like painting pottery.

The weaning has continued to go well. Erik hasn't nursed in over a week, but he hasn't forgotten about it. Yesterday he lifted up my shirt and started pinching and prodding things he shouldn't be pinching and prodding. I was about to jump up and run away, but I was curious to see what he would do. He kept sniffing my nipple, but never tried to nurse. It was entertaining but also made me kind of sad. My baby! Where's my baby!

We solved one problem, only to invite two more problems. We are now experiencing the typical toddler "don't want to go to bed" problem that we've been avoiding for the past several months. The boob was a great pacifier, but now we have to read stories and sing songs and try to keep him still and in bed.

Also, I LOVE LOVE LOVE that he is sleeping through the night. For those of you who don't have children or bad insomnia, you can't even imagine the joy of getting a solid seven hours of sleep. We have a slight little glitch, though. Since he's not waking up in middle of the night, we have to hope that we wake up and are alert enough to make him sit on the potty at least once before 5 am. He can go without peeing in middle of the night, but he often doesn't. We have been putting him to bed in double training underwear and that absorbs it, but we'd prefer not to deal with that problem at all.

Motherhood is so glamorous. Where's my hypothetical baby number two?

Tags: motherhood, movies

It is so rare for me to get a good picture of Erik that I simply must post ones that I do manage to capture. He is such a little turd head. He turns immediately when I ask him to say cheese. At any rate, he finally learned to pedal his little bike, but his legs are still a smidgen too short so it's not all that fun for him.

Britishcowgirl asked how I met Mike. I have a lot of new readers lately so I think it's time for a refresher course on the Mike and Carrie love.

Many, many moons ago I was a lonely, depressed high school English teacher on the coast of Oregon. I spent all my time hanging out at a forum dedicated to the Wheel of Time fantasy books. At one point I even started my own fan site dedicated to Wacky Wheel of Time theories. Looking back now it was pretty pathetic, but at the time I thought it was awesome. My first ever e-mail from Mr. Mikey was a theory for the wacky theories page. Awwwwww. . .

Eventually that little community split into pieces thanks to typical Internet drama. Yes, I was a drama queen. I'm an Aries. I like to be in charge and I like to be right. I started my own community, only I wanted to focus on something broader than just one series since I saw much more growth potential for something bigger. I spammed Fantasy Freaks Forum so much that Mike had to see what all the fuss was about. Yes indeedy, I was an annoying spam troll. I would probably needed to be slapped.

We both spent a lot of time on the forum. One dreary day right before I plunged into my second year of misery teaching, I made a post asking for a someone to marry me and take me away from all my troubles. Why yes, I needed to be slapped. Why yes, I watched way too many Disney movies as a kid.

Mike, my hero, responded and said he'd marry me so we got engaged and flirted outrageously for six months without ever really knowing anything about each other.

Finally, the dear boy got ICQ (an old school form of instant messaging) and we were suddenly chatting every day and found out that we were really interested in each other. That was in April. By May Mike had tickets to fly from Sweden to Oregon for our first visit. The boy means business when he's in love.

He visited in August even though I tried telling him that I was really ugly and he wouldn't like me when he met me. I had major self-esteem issues, but he was unfazed and suddenly he was in my apartment and we were in love and he kept coming back every few months until I finally applied for a Swedish residence permit, quit my job and eventually moved over there! We got engaged for real several months later, then got married a year after that.

Do we ever have culture clashes? Not so much. He is so laid back that he has adjusted to life with an American very well. Occasionally there will be some idiom that he won't get, but all in all we don't have many clashes in our relationship.

However.

You knew that was coming, right?

I am not as laid back as he is. I had major problems living in Sweden and I have major problems understanding the Swedish way of doing things. I don't understand the lack of communication between family members. I don't understand things that I consider to be lack of common courtesy but that Swedes would consider to be fake. I most certainly do not understand the menu items on a typical Swedish platter. Luckily Mike is happy with my cooking and doesn't insist I learn to make mashed rutabagas with a side of pickled herring (though is family does expect me to eat lots of moose patties and mushroom sandwiches when I visit).

When we lived in Sweden we were in the northernmost city, Kiruna. It is above the Arctic Circle and at least a four hour drive to the nearest "big city" which is not exactly all that big by any standard. That is not even a nearby IKEA! I couldn't adjust to the midnight sun in the summer or the 24 hours of darkness in the winter. Have any of you seen the movie Insomnia with Al Pacino, Robin Williams and Hillary Swank? It does a great job capturing the feel of the midnight sun.

I also had a really hard time adjusting to the attitude of conformity. I don't know how much of this was actually the Swedish attitude and how much of it was my one and only friend telling me that it was the Swedish attitude, but it drove me insane. In Sweden most people put up different curtains at Christmas time. My friend said she would help me make my curtains, but when I picked out a blue and silver fabric she flipped out and refused to help. Instead, I had to buy red and gold so I could be normal. One day we were on a walk and I got hot. I took off my coat and tied it around my waist. You would have thought I had just stripped down and done a jig. She was mortified. Why? Because everyone else had their coat on. I would stand out! The horrors!!!!

This conformity extended to holidays. I'm used to families having traditions. I'm not used to the ENTIRE country having the same traditions. It was so weird for me to have so many meals dictated by what you are "supposed" to do. Sure, we do that to some extent here, but nothing like over there. People get really upset if you mess with tradition, even if they don't care for the tradition. My brother-in-law eats some really gross rotten fish every Christmas Eve because "you are supposed to" even though he hates it. What???? I'm a big fan of only doing things you want to do unless it is a responsibility that must be done. I'm not going to eat something I don't like just because people have been eating it for hundreds of years. I guess that is why I often heard that Americans have no culture. On any given holiday you can walk into five houses and you aren't likely to find the EXACT same things happening at the EXACT same times in the EXACT same way. Of course, Sweden is opening up to a lot of immigrants these days so their time of rigid conformity may be coming to an end. Also, I was up in a very small redneck town so I think that contributed to the feeling of conformity.

There are good points to living in Sweden, but I think they are only good if you are actually happy living there. I'm much happier in America even if we don't get some of the benefits of living in Sweden. Mike seems pretty happy here, too. So far his main complaint is the lack of vacation time and the fact that people put syrup on pancakes.

Tags: mike-isms, pics, sweden