I am not frightened of dying, any time will do, I
Dont mind. Why should I be frightened of dying?
Theres no reason for it, you've gotta go sometime.









from the wiki article:

"Richard William Wright (28 July 1943 - 15 September 2008) was a self-taught pianist and keyboardist best known for his long career with Pink Floyd. Wright’s richly textured keyboard layers were a vital ingredient and a distinctive characteristic of Pink Floyd's sound. In addition, Wright frequently sang background and occasionally lead vocals onstage and in the studio with Pink Floyd (most notably on the songs 'Time', 'Echoes', and on the Syd Barrett composition 'Astronomy Domine')."

Alright, so hopefully this time the shower won't keep backing up. I called a rescue rooter guy out here like 2 months ago and it started getting backed up again. Hooray 90 day warranties! Called them out here again and hopefully this time it'll stay unclogged. Yeesh.

It wasn't horrible just taking baths, though.

In other news, I need a new keyboard, I can't see 1/2 the letters.
Luckily I spent all of my tweens ans teens in font of a computer so I know where they are.

*sobs at her lost childhood*

Buh, I hated work today. It was busy as hell because of a festival nearby and there were only three of us. To any of you who have never worked at a Starbucks and/ or don't think that sounds very bad, consider this:

During a weekday rush we have at least 4-5 people, 2 on bar, 2 (or 1) on register, and the shift (me) floating. Floating means I grab people's drip coffee, grab their pastries, heat their sandwiches and/ or pastries, and take orders down the line to help it move faster. Not to mention all the daily tasks that we're supposed to do and remembering to give out breaks at the right time, and dealing with customers that are unhappy when we forgot to put extra caramel on their fucking frappucino. Luckily a morning rush only lasts for about 2 hours between 8-10a and we're not supposed to give breaks then.

But it's not the same on the weekends. There is not a set 2 hours when we're busy so we can prepare. It could be slow for 10 minutes so I'll send someone on their half, and then we could be slammed with customers all the way out the door as soon as they clock out. So we're left to fend for ourselves for 30 minutes, and still brew coffee and get the drinks out within 3 minutes and keep the store clean and do dishes and deal with any problems that arise? HAH, nope, about 1/2 of that stuff doesn't get done, so when the person comes back from their lunch we're playing catchup. The cafe will be a mess, there will be no half and half or sugar or napkins on the condiment bar, the bathrooms will need toilet paper, and there's still a line at the door.

And of course since Starbucks is the "purveyor of the finest coffees in the world" and still tries to sell itself as some sort of upscale fast food joint, people get really uppity if there's no half and half and we're taking too long to get it (do you see the fucking line to the door?), or if we accidentally forgot to cook their sausage sandwich because I'm trying to remember everyone's orders correctly, or if we run out of coffee because we were too busy trying to take care of people's orders and forget to brew before 5 people come through ordering venti coffees. Now not all of the customers are like this, obviously. Some people get it because they've worked in retail/ food service or they take a second and realize how much we have to do. I remember reading a customer comment that went something along the lines of "I can't believe this barista doesn't remember my name/ drink, and they also forgot to grab my pastry. I mean, come on! It's not that hard." People like that I want to throw and apron on, put them in font of a register, and watch them take hundreds of similar orders and expect them to never screw up or forget a person or forget to grab something.

Not that hard? HAH. I don't get paid enough for this shit.

Ok, I lied, it think it's ADORABLE.

*soft prolonged squeal*

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT, I guess I'll post *sigh*

I know, it's so taxing. I like my other journal better, but I feel bad not updating this one. I have cool icons now, so I should make use of them. Am I rite?

Whelp, for those of you who don't know what's going on in my life cause I haven't talked to you in awhile, here's a list:

1. I've moved, I don't live in Berkeley anymore, but in Oakland. It's a pretty sweet deal, free rent, only utilities, living at Dan's grandmother's old place while it's being remodeled. I'm supposed to be helping with the remodeling, but I'm lazy.

2. I didn't graduate, well, not yet anyway. I failed 2 of my classes last semester because I was depressed... and lazy. Being lazy sucks. I made up one class this summer and I'll do one more during the Fall semester. As long as I don't screw up again, I'll be done come winter. Boy am I tired of school, BLEH.

3. I work at Starbucks again. It pays better than Comic Relief, but I'm a supervisor which means that you can find me running around in perma-stress mode when I'm at work. Some days it's fun, some days it's "keep your head down and get through", and some days I just want to throw my piece of shit green apron down and give everyone the finger. I don't get enough hours, either, especially with my fat credit card bill.

4. I have a fat credit card bill.

5. I'm still with Dan, he can be a jerk, and I'm moderately insane, but it's working out nicely. No, really, I mean it. In November we'll have been together for 2 years. So far it's my longest and most satisfying relationship. I don't really see myself with anyone else. Now, if I can convince him to make an honest woman out of me... :)

That's most of the important stuff. There are not so positive things going on, like my weight skyrocketing, and my depression being more of a constant, but those two things are problems I've been struggling with since even before I moved away, but going off to school exacerbated my mental and physical health problems. I prefer the Bay Area to SoCal, but I get so damn homesick, missing the familiar, missing my friends that it can get pretty unbearable at times. I saw a therapist for awhile, but I didn't really feel like I was getting anywhere. I'm going to look into finding a new one at the start of the semester, see where that goes.

I'll try to post more, it's important for me to keep connected, especially since a lot of you SoCal friends I've had for years read this journal. I miss all of you :

First day back at Starbucks and I had a customer throw his drink down on the counter and walk out.

Jesus fucking Christ.

So I've made a pact with myself that I'm not going to go on the internet at my apartment for at least a month. You've heard me talk about it, I sit there and do nothing. I just watch ripped TV shows or play this flash game I'm addicted to, or fucking get bored and play solitare. I'm significantly behind in all of my classes, I'm ignoring my health, my life is a mess and I use the computer to zone out and not pay attention to it, but then I just get absolutely nothing done. I just sit there for hours. I don't use my brain, I don't use my body, it just sucks and it's embarassing on a level I can't even describe.

I HAVE TO graduate. I can't take any chances this semester. I have to pass all of my classes or bad shit will go down. My parents are 90% of that bad shit, but honestly I want to be done, too. I'm tired of school, I want to graduate and get out of here.

So because the computer is such a bad influence for me in my apartment, I unplugged it and wrapped up all the chords and I put it in the closet. I'm only going to use the computers at school to check e-mail, blogs, print and write stuff for classes. I'm hoping this will help get me out of this rut I'm in and free up time to concentrate on what's important.

I'll be around a lot less, but honestly I haven't really felt like posting much anyway. I've gotten involved in a few clubs on campus, and they give me more fulfillment than the internet ever has. Honestly, looking back, my computer and the internet especially has helped fuel a lot of my problems. It was always an escape, always something to do instead of my homework, instead of reading a book or writing or drawing. And until I get this (dare I say it?) addiction under control, I can't have it around me so much.

Why am I so eager to have people forgive me, even if the other party was the one being the asshole in the first place?

One phenomena in blogging that's always irritated me is the "my journal I can say what I want" argument. Now it's not the argument itself that pisses me off, but the context in which it's used, which is when the journal writer is butthurt about someone calling them on something they've said. I'm not talking about someone necessarily coming in and being an asshole in their comments or someone trolling, but someone honestly saying "Hey, that's not cool, what gives, why you say that". It's not that I think people should censor themselves when they post, but the argument "my journal I can say what I want" is null in that situation. Yes, yes indeed it is your journal, and yes, indeed you can say what you want, but see, you post this shit online, for OTHER people to read, and then you give them a chance to comment on it. Why the fuck aren't you throwing around "this is my journal I can say what I want" when people say nice things to you, or agree with you, probably because they aren't challenging your writing and are therefore harmless and pleasant because they make you feel good about yourself.

So fuck that argument, I wish people would stop using it. It's irrelevant and makes you look like a douche.

Feel free to disagree, obviously.

BIKE BIKE BIKE I bought a new bike today!

I totally can't afford it, but there was a big gaping hole in my life and it was in the shape of a bike.

Now let's just hope that restitution comes in to help pay for it.

Weeee~<3

I am on 100% stress overload right now, because I've got it in my mind that I need to find a job OMG RIGHT NOW for when I graduate in may. It's less the finding the job and more feeling qualified for the jobs that English majors get (editing, proofing, writing copy). I do not feel qualified at all. Let's face it, my spelling and grammar has ALWAYS been atrocious, and when I'm super stressed out about getting it perfect (like, let's say, on a resume), I of course possibly fuck up and send the version that I hadn't spell checked, like where I spell mountain wrong. What 5th grader spells MOUNTAIN WRONG?!

I don't know how to calm myself down and tell myself there's plenty for me to do upon graduation, it just might not be the fancy super awesome job right away. But what I don't get is these stupid publishing houses want 1-4 years of experience for any form of editor. WTF! How is someone supposed to get experience if they can't get a position without experience? What I really screwed up with is my school schedule, I can't do any internships. Most internships seem to want you available from 12-5 on weekdays and that is right when my classes are. So any experience or job I could get from an internship is right out the window.

My other option that I am leaning heavily on right now is teaching English in Japan. I would LOVE love to do this, but of course I'm horrified that I'm going to screw up somewhere in the application process and be a stupid gaijin and I'll have lost my chances forever. I also read a few things when looking up tips on the application process, one being don't say anything about liking anime. Well that's stupid, how do you think I became aware of Japan in the first place? What, was I magically just hit with curiosity about Japan one day? That's not to say that anime is 100% how I expect Japan to be, I'm not an idiot. The other is I read that the Japanese expect a really clean uniform appearance, like a range of 3 colors for suits (and I'm assuming) no piercings or other weird shit. I'M A WEIRD SHIT PERSON! Are you kidding me?! I'll take out my piercings, ok, fine. I can make that sacrifice (plus I'll still have the nipples, hehe), but what about my hair, I'm growing it out so it's got like 2" of roots, just think how it'll look when I'd be interviewing in a month or two. What about my plugs? Do I have to take those out too? What if my suit's not black enough? Am I too fat? HOW MUCH SHOULD I CHANGE MYSELF TO BE SUITABLE FOR THE WORK WORLD?!

And that's a question that's weighing on me in all areas.

*breathes into a paper bag*

Goal:

Do do a gigantic picture of sailor moon. I might make it a painting, and incorporate different mediums, glitter, paper, paint, colored pencils, paint pens, spray paint. Pretty much make THE BEST piece of Sailor Moon fanart ever. It will be so huge and awesome that it will make heads explode all over the world.

This is a neat little web thing. You can create your city and then give the link to your friends. The more people click, the bigger your city gets. Click and help my city grow! Or I'll cry!

Yay!

http://santa-moor.myminicity.com/

So, as it turns out, the guy who has my stolen bike up on craigslist has numerous other for sale bike postings. The cops set up a different sting for a different bike and got him. He didn't talk to them, and I don't know if he's in custody right now, but the cops are trying to go through craigslist and track down the IP address(es) of the posts. So this is good, this is a step in the right direction.

HA HA motherfucker!

So, the sting fell through. Whoever is trying to sell my stolen bike flaked out on meeting the police officer, and now we're back to square one. I contacted craigslist to notify them that the ad is for stolen property and I'm hoping they will help us track down the thief somehow.

I want my bike back. I love that stupid bike.

Step 1: Lock bike incorrectly.

Step 2: Get bike stolen.

Step 3: Find bike on Craig's List.

Step 4: Contact the authorities.

Step 5: .....?

I'll report back tomorrow with the outcome.

Man, I woke up this morning feeling SO much better, and it couldn't be more beautiful outside. I went down and put my laundry in the washroom, and for a moment I thought it was spring! The sun is out and warm, the sky is deep blue and cloudless. Mmm, it just made me feel so good. I'm still not 100%, so I'd imagine that my activity is limited, but I hope to spend some time outside today.

I went out last night and walked up to my favorite frozen yogurt place (I was stunned to discover they were open until 10!) and got some Italian food for eatings. It was hard walking and hard eating because my nose was really plugged up so I couldn't breathe very well. But I'm glad I got out, being stuck in my apartment for the past two days hasn't been too fun.