What is God’s plan for me? What is His plan for you?
I cannot move on. I cannot quit lamenting because I see no future/real purpose in my life.
I cannot move on with the fact that I scored mediocre results for ‘O’ levels.
Regret #1: Didn’t study hard enough. Why didn’t I!
Regret #2: Dropped A Maths. Why did I even listen to Mrs John?
Regret #3: Vomiting during History paper. Why did it have to be me?
Too many regrets and too late. When I received my result slip from Miss Ng, I pretended that I was satisfied with my mediocre results. Out of 6 subject passes, only 2 were above average passes. I really wanted to cry. I knew I was going to say “adios” to business and mass communications courses. Thankfully I scraped through polytechnic, somehow.
Still, the future is rather bleak.
I cannot move on with the fact that I couldn’t get a place in any of the local universities this year.
I cannot move on with the fact that my grades (are once again) not good enough to get what I want.
Do you know what the difference is? This time round I knew I did my best, maybe not my 100% -‘cause I was this close to entering the school’s Roll of Honours.
What do I want?
To be able to study in a local university. Start afresh, do bridging courses- I don’t care. Do Arts (and major in Communications and New Media or something), not Computing. I could do Computing at NUS, but I wouldn’t want to. I’d die. Honestly, I’d love to study in Australia but it’s gonna set me back by 150k. I don’t know if I’d ever get that lump sum of money any time soon. My parents couldn’t care less and that makes me really sad. ): C’mon, does it hurt to read up about education loans or at least sit me down and talk to me about why we can’t borrow money to study overseas?
I want to study Mass Communications but SIM-RMIT only offers it part time. Hell no, I’d rather do full time in Australia.
MDIS? I heard they really suck at time-tables and such. Moreover, what, MDIS-OCU? Nobody knows OCU like they know UWA or UNSW. Anyway, most American degrees are too general and expensive.
I don’t want to be stuck with this pathetic looking diploma. Sadly, in Singapore if you don’t have at least a degree- you’re probably gonna get shit from people.
Oh crap, I really hate thinking about the future. I feel heavy-hearted and sick of myself everytime I think about it. ):
Recently, Edmund mentioned that I’m not the same quiet, reserved and blur Jamie he used to know back then in secondary school. Of course, I always look hyper and happy to everyone now.
In fact, it’s easy to look and make oneself happy. Talk about short-lived happiness.
Oh sure, when Leehom came to town, I was happy.
When I met the Backstreet Boys, I was happy.
When I got my new cell phone, I was happy.
But how happy is happy? I am not exactly HAPPY happy.
I need to get out and do purposeful activities; not just shopping, singing, clubbing, internet surfing, or random squeeing to make myself feel content. I miss my volunteering days with RP Rotaract Club. Gone were the days when volunteering opportunities were abundant with the help from the club. Anyway, I found
YouthBank from an ad in MSN messenger. You can volunteer anytime you like as long as you have time.
I am not going to attempt to save the world, because I can’t. I just can't.
This is a sick sad world we live in. Humans are fed up with each other, killing each other; icebergs are melting, Tsunamis occurring, islands sinking… Everyone says we need to “Save our Earth”.
Yes, we all know that “Saving our Earth” is our responsibility.
But how, I mean really- how to SAVE her? We can prevent, cut down on wastage, but ultimately you and I know that Earth is going to die soon.
I know it doesn’t make sense to whine and complain about the future and then talk about the end of our world…
… My mind’s in quite a mess now.
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