Loser 101:

mood: exhausted

music: The buzz of my fan..

Sorry I haven't written in a while.. It's been.. ROUGH.  To say the least.  Between my difficulties dealing with my emotions, and dealing with the ex, whom I'm not even sure if she actually IS my ex or exactly WHAT we are.. I've had the worst last couple of days..  Sometimes I seriously just want to say to hell with it all and have myself committed to the loony bin.. but that would mean no more fun nights out.  So to hell with that idea. haha.  Well, it's like 2:50am, Tuesday, April 15.  And I've been running straight for almost 3 days, no sleep.  So I think I'm gonna go crash.  Later.

Posted at 02:40 am | Link | Leave a comment | 1 comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

Posted at 01:38 pm | Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

mood: ecstatic

music: Today - Smashing Pumpkins

Alright.  So I went to my appointment today and told my psych. that I want to transition.  She asked me my reasons why, asked me how long I've been thinking about it, all that hoopla.  And at the end of my appointment, she looks at me and says "I think you're very mature and responsible for dealing with all your emotions so well."  I'm like... "Thanks!"  I thought she'd try and like.. cure me.  But I'm so glad she's kool.  She's gonna look up so stuff for me, and for her own knowledge.. just like places close to us that I could go for support or appointments or anything.. I so ecstatic!  I haven't been so happy in such a long time!  I feel like an enormous weight has been lifted off my chest.. (heh that's kind of ironic..)  Lmao.  Anyway.. yea, I gotta jet.  Ttyl =]

Posted at 07:58 pm | Link | Leave a comment | 1 comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

mood: contemplative

Ok, so I have an appointment today with my shrink.. (yaaay for shrinks, blah) anyway.. yea.  Appointment.  It's in like.. half an hour at 3:30.. so I'll quit rambling and get to the point..  I was debating on whether or not to tell her about my wanting to transition.  I'm not really sure.  It might be nice to talk about it with someone in person rather than online and on the phone through hotlines (NOT THAT YOU GUYS DON'T ROCK! I JUST MEAN.. WELL YA KNOW)  but I still can't decide on whether to tell her or not.  Idk.. I guess we'll see when I get there.. it all depends I guess... Anyway, I'll write back later after my appointment and let you know how it went!  Later.

Posted at 02:40 pm | Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

mood: ecstatic

Identifying as a transmale has NEVER been easy for me.  I wasn't able to say it out loud until like a week ago.. NOT EVEN.  And now I have people on my MSN list that know EXACTLY where I'm coming from, cause they've been there.  It's friggin' amazing.  I know that a lot of people who have been in my situation would understand..  and now, I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to being able to say "I am now Bryce, the "girl" you once knew.. is DEAD!"  I can't believe it.  I'm actually genuinely happy for once in like.. forever!

Posted at 03:02 pm | Link | Leave a comment | 1 comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

mood: awake

I really am starting to love it here.  Massive thanks goes out to FTMichael who gave me a huge list of resources.  I never thought I'd actually be able to talk about my wanting to transition.. but it's becoming easier and easier to talk about it online.. so hopefully I'll be able to come out to my family.  So mad props to everyone who has already, or will help me.  Thank you so much.  But I gotta get going.  I'll talk later on I'm sure.  Bye.

Posted at 02:11 pm | Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

mood: cheerful

Alright.  I've been on here less than 4 hours, and already I feel better.  Just being able to talk about it, makes me feel a HELL of a lot better.  Last night was the first time I've ever been able to say it out loud, "I was meant to be a boy, and I want to physically become one"  I called a LGBT Youthline that's based out of Toronto, and by luck, got a FTM counsellor.  It was really cool to be able to talk to someone who knows what I'm going through.  He's the one who suggested I come on LJ.  So I'm really glad I did.  I'm going to wrap this up by saying, if ANYONE can offer any advice about anything.. GIVE'R DIESEL, my friends.  I'd very much appreciate it.  Anyhow, I'd best be on my way.  Bye.

Posted at 10:56 pm | Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend