| A New Year's resolution |
[Jan. 1st, 2005|07:54 pm] |
New Year’s Day. As we all know, this is a day of sin – and resolution to sin no more.
We spend the night drinking the unholy bubbliness of Satan’s spirits, in bottles that sport names like Tott’s, or Brut, or Boone’s Sparkling Wine in some of the poorer neighborhoods. We cheer as a giant twinkling ball descends, and as the New Year lights up we scream and kiss and grope complete strangers.
And then we start thinking about resolutions to be better people. To go to the gym. To spend more time with the kids. To stop spilling one’s seed to the sinful temptations of “Nuns In Heat VII” on the Spice Channel.
But perhaps there is another resolution we should all be thinking of today. Perhaps we should resolve to spend a little less time thinking of ourselves – and a little more time thinking of Jesus.
We all lead sinful lives. And many a day has come where my congregation has asked me, “Brother Bill? How can I follow a better path? How can I become closer to my Savior?”
Well, the truth is, my children, that all of us were born with sin. But Jesus died FOR our sins. What that means, in layman’s terms, is that by dying for us, Jesus bought us all a ticket to sin and sin and sin again – as long as we keep Him in our hearts while we do it.
When you feel lust in your heart for that young girl mopping the floor at Wal-Mart, just say a little prayer to Jesus and it’s okay. When you pee all over the interior of your wife’s new Cadillac Escalade and then blame it on the kids, remember that Jesus is peeing right there next to you. When you declare war on a smaller country and blow it to hell, then justify it by telling everyone some silly story about weapons of mass destruction, remember – Jesus knows you didn’t mean it. As long as you tell him so. As Jules Feiffer wrote: “Jesus Christ died for our sins. Do we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them?”
Jesus sought to grant even the sinners passage into the Kingdom of Heaven. He asks very little in return.
One thing he asks for is our unconditional love. Which means casting hell and damnation upon those of you who do not believe in our good Christian Savior. Madonna, Tom Cruise, Janeane Garafalo – this means you, heathens.
And second, Jesus asks that you financially support institutions like mine, which help to spread the word of Jesus’ great sacrifice of love.
So the next time you sin, think of how great it feels to know that you’re not going to hell for it. For it matters not what actions a man takes. All that matters is how much he tells everyone that he loves Jesus – and that he makes sure EVERYONE knows it.
Remember that feeling. And sin like you’ve never sinned before.
--BB |
|
|
| Christmas with Brother Bill |
[Dec. 22nd, 2004|06:41 pm] |
Hello, viewers. And welcome to a special holiday edition of Brother Bill. I'm speaking with you folks a little early this week, because Christmas is a day when one should be with one's family instead of in front of the TV. And because I am being bumped from my usual Christmas Eve time slot to make way for the Packers vs. the Vikings.
So many of us get excited about Christmas. Time to run out and buy little Timmy that Power Ranger! Time for the kids to get Daddy that new set of Black & Decker drill bits! Time for Daddy to sign Mommy up for those Weight Watchers meetings!
These are good things to get excited about, yes. But the problem is, we’re excited for the wrong reasons. Because Christmas isn't about Power Rangers, or new tool sets, or stopping Mommy from becoming a fat cow. It’s about our Savior.
It’s true that Christmas is a night of giving. The Innkeeper gave of his stable, the Three Wise Men gave gold, frankincense and myrrh, and the Virgin Mary gave ... well, birth. And what a birth it was. Which is why I encourage all of you to give a little more of yourselves to Jesus this Christmas.
Take all that money you were going to spend on presents, and use it for the greater good instead. Give a gift that's going to last far longer than Daddy's new belt sander or Mommy's new "neck massager." One that's going to last far longer than the new Transformer that little Johnny's going to break apart and eat by mid-morning. Give that Christmas money ... to my ministry.
Imagine the holiday spirit you will feel after such a deed! Just think of it -- the children come downstairs on Christmas morning, still wrapped up in their shallow desires for useless material gifts. But then you sit them down and say, "Kids, it's going to be an EXTRA SPECIAL Christmas this year. Because instead of your toys, we have given the gift that will keep on giving. We have given to Brother Bill.”
Sure, the kids might cry at first. But when you point out the impact this gift will make to healing tortured souls of our world ... Their cries will become tears of joy! Spend Christmas morning teaching your children about the heathens in Africa, and the Middle East, and all those other God-forsaken lands where the love of Jesus has been rejected. Explain to your children about how all those people are going to burn in Hell if we don’t do something. Show them how the torment has already begun, by showing them photos of the mass graves in Rwanda, the burning corpses in Iraq and the starving little cave people of Afghanistan, and tell them, "This is because they don't have Jesus!" Force your children to stare at these pictures for hours, so that they better understand why this gift is necessary.
Perhaps Grandma and Grandpa will call you insensitive. Perhaps your wife will even dare to question your ability as a father. If this happens, simply remind your parents that as old people, they need to be thinking about the Next World sooner rather than later. And as for your wife, well, we've talked in previous sermons about what to do when she talks back. Remember the good teachings of the Ministry!
I assure you, my children, that this gift will be an earth-shattering statement from your family to the world. I am honored to be the one who helps you make it. So give, and be truly Merry this Christmas. God bless Baby Jesus. And God Bless each one of you.
--BB |
|
|
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
brother_bill's journal