Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Britz Bitz Candy Co.'s LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005
8:52 pm	Lost in the spiral of life's happenings Wow. I...don't really know what to say. A friend of mine drowned on Sunday. Jake - nice young guy. 27 years old. Good looking. Charming. Always a pleasure to be around. He used to be engaged to my best friend's cousin. He camped with us at Shambhala last year. I've been hanging out with him off and on for the past few months. And now he's gone. It's so...weird. It's hard to get past the shock stage. The scary thing is, I was doing the very same thing he was doing (swimming in the current of the Slocan River) just two weeks ago with two friends of mine. That could have been me. That could have been a number of people I know. What a blow to the feeling of youth equalling immortality. I think, in this group of friends, this is the first death we've had to deal with. It's been a pretty hard blow. Hm. I think we're going to do a memorial for him at Shambhala. It seems like the right thing to do. *sigh* (Comment on this)
Monday, February 21st, 2005
11:24 pm	i'm amused and confused i've got nothing to lose my life is in the perfect state of disarray. i'm an improv actress in this play and my ends are beginning to fray. yep. that's how i feel today. i'm happy in a hollow sort of way. i mean, sure, i'm smiling but why? i'll settle for this. 'cause it don't get much better. ~~~ rip hunter s. thompson. 1937-2005 Current Mood: apathetic Current Music: reggae (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 15th, 2005
12:21 am	debut of the lark :3 I sang in public for the first time tonight! It was amazing! I only sang one of my original songs, but it was so much fun. I actually sounded pretty good, and people applauded. Yay. I'll probably become a regular at RezAVoir's Open Mic Mondays. Tonight was the first time it ran. =P Stu, the organizer told me that I might be in the paper too. Cool stuff! Anyway, happy valentines everyone. Even though I hate this holiday =D (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 13th, 2005
9:53 pm	going 'round in circles again. Oh dear. I think I can officially call myself realtionship challenged here, ladies and gents. Yep. Now, this started about....two weeks ago I guess. I bought a bottle of congac for Andy and Aaron for helping me out with trying to find a place in Nelson, and getting settled. I caught Aaron online when he came home from work at about 1am and we talked for a bit....he told me I was always welcome at his place. Now, I was a little caught off gaurd by this...Aaron had always kind of intimidated me before I started hanging out with Andy. But as the weeks have gone on he's become progressively sweeter and warmer towards me. At first I thought he just felt sorry for me since I'd only just moved to town and don't know anyone very well. But more recently I'd become suspicious that he likes me in a "more-than-friends" kind of way. We went out for coffee on Saturday and then later I ended up checking out this party with him after work. Well, the party was...juvenile, so we headed back up to his house and watched a movie. Well, we ended up cuddling while watching the movie and as I was getting ready to leave he said to me, "You don't have to walk home in the slush (it was snowing/slushing/raining last night) you know. I promise I'll be a perfect gentleman." I agreed...I was sleepy, cold and wet and the thought of walking 9 blocks uphill in snow/rain/slush was not very appealing. I slept with him in his bed...he gave me some nice warm longjohns to wear since my jeans were soaked...we did a lot of talking and cuddling and kissing. *smiles* It was nice. He's really quite a sweet boy. But now I'm just.....more confused than ever. I mean...I like him. Which, in itself is weird...he's a lot different than how I had originally percieved him, so I never expected to end up where I am. Haha. Is it just me or would it be incredibly tacky to go for Aaron after making the biggest deal about my feelings for his roommate (which aren't even worked out yet either, and everyone knows it)? My god. So this is single life. Hahaha...Interesting. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 23rd, 2005
3:05 pm	*grumblegrumble* SO, I have a little story today children. Okay, so 3 roommates go out on a day trip. These roommates have 1 more roommate who stays home. Before they left, there were people who asked roommate 1 and roommate 3 if there could be a party at their house that night. Both responded no. They went on their merry way and had a great time. They finally arrived home at about 1:30 am, very tired and ready to go to sleep. Roommate 3 walks in the door to find the very same people she told not to come over sitting in her living room. For a moment she feels helpless. Roommate 2 walks in behind her, and becomes upset as well - he doesn't like parties in his house either. Roommates 2 and 3 are often viewed as the "party poopers" in this household because they don't like parties at their house unless there is fair warning (fair warning would be a couple day's notice). Roommates 2 and 3 ask the people to leave, because they had been asked not to come over. Roommate 4 intervenes and says they can stay because he had said it was "okay". Roommate 3 tells him that it's not okay, because they had gone behind her back and asked someone else if they could come over when she had told them "no", and that he should have asked everyone else in the house before saying it was "okay". Roommate 4 then tells her that "It's Saturday night, and they need somewhere to party and do drugs. It's cool, I told them it was fine. Life goes on for other people, you know." Roommate 3 replies that it doesn't always have to be in her house, and she wasn't cool with people randomly doing drugs at her house. Roommate 2 says that they should find somewhere else to go. Roommate 4 takes everyone upstairs to his room, completely ignoring the wishes of Roommates 2 and 3. Roommate 1 finally comes in from outside. He tells Roommates 2 and 3 to "chill" and that "it's okay" (even though he had told these people there was no party). Roomates 2 and 3 protest that it's not okay, and this escalates into a shouting match between Roommates 1 and 2. When it gets to the point that they look like they're going to become physically violent, Roommate 3 steps between them and tells them to stop. Roommate 1 hits Roommate 3, but she blocks it. Roommate 3 gets upset and tells Roommate 1 never to hit a girl, or anyone for that matter, and Roommate 1 tells Roommate 3 to get out of the house. To avoid any other conflict, Roommates 2 and 3 go to bed. Is it wrong to want a little peace and quiet in your own home? Is it wrong to ask that your desicions be respected by other people? Is it wrong to be upset that people are randomly doing drugs in your house? Is it wrong to want a few days warning before a party? Or does that just make you a "downer" to every one else's fun? Current Mood: bitchy (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 5th, 2005
11:46 pm	*siiiiigh* My lawd.... I fell in love on New Years Eve. How cliche is that? I'll give you guys more details in a later post. :) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 7th, 2004
10:13 pm	Brave new world... Reinventing yourself is an interesting thing...It feels good knowing that there's nothing I really have to feel obligated to right now. My life is. It's not good, it's not bad, it's not anything. It simply is. And I love it. I'm so happy these days and I have no reason to be - it's great. This is a feeling I thought you could only achieve by doing drugs. Well...no, I knew it was attainable without the use of drugs, I simply wasn't sure how to go about attaining it. I'm cheerful from the inside out. My spirit is shining like it hasn't in years. Or perhaps it's never shone like this at all. I'm very spacey right now. Thinking deeply. I'm questioning everything I was taught from the time I was a child. I'm finding childlike joy in things that I haven't allowed myself to feel in years. I got in a snowball fight on the way home from the movie today. I haven't "played" since I was like...14! And then after we settled down, we walked past my friend Dave's car....I made a point of writing positive messages on his windows in the snow. Hehe. As we approached a street corner near my house, I ran and jumped into a pile of snow, and giggled like mad. It was great. I usually HATE getting wet, I hate the cold, I hate snow. My life has taken a new direction, and I think it's a good one. Instead of finding one perfect moment in each day (I've been making a point of doing this for the past few months now) I'm finding many, without even trying...without even looking. We are all the masters of our own destiny. I'm in charge now. Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Some Theivery Corporation song.... <3 (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 4th, 2004
10:50 am	Today is the day I finally can say I'm going to dance my cares away. *sigh* So, this is the first week of my new life. It feels a lot like the old one. ;) Hehe. I dunno, it's good though. I'm questioning a lot of things, but it's good. I like my life a lot, I've come to realize. A few things need tweaking, but I'm on my way to being the person I want to be. I'm considering going into Chinese Medicine for a career. I don't really agree with the practices of Western doctors, and The Academy of Classical Oriental Sciences is in a town near where I grew up. But I dunno...I'm always so wishy-washy when it comes to major descisions in my life. Anyway, I'm going to this party tonight called "Dance Your Cares Away"...hopefully I can do just that. :) Current Mood: weird Current Music: The Audience ~ Herbert (Comment on this)
Monday, November 29th, 2004
9:59 pm	Andrew is such a good friend. And I owe him so many thanks. He's helped me close a chapter of my life. Finally, some closure. No more wondering. That is such a great gift to someone. It's funny....I have so many mixed emotions, and most of them are bad. But...you know how if you put oil in water, it seperates and sits at the top? All those bad emotions are the water, and there's this layer of contentness, just sitting on the top. It's an odd way to feel. It almost feels like being sick. But I think it's going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. :) You know, I don't tell you guys enough, you people that read my journal, that I really appreicate you. I love you. Thank you for caring about my life. Thank you for offering words of support when I'm feeling lonely, sad, scared. Thank you for sharing my joy and laughter. Thank you so much....you're amazing. /journal entry. Current Mood: confused Current Music: someone's playing a set of deep house in the living room (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 17th, 2004
9:09 pm	my journey home begins tomorrow. <3 (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 13th, 2004
11:47 pm	i am so much my own person that some\times i think i should be more of an otherpeople's .person. (Comment on this)
Friday, November 12th, 2004
11:34 pm	irregular flow thoughts descending soul transcending in the eyes of a lucid sky nature mending snap me back into reality. cling to a magnetic floor and follow the pattern of the day before. loosely heeding rules and laws of eras passed. i wonder what is so civilized about civilization? this trivialization of everything we know is so liberating and fascinating and complicating i'm contemplating as whispered laughter rides winter winds. chasing whims erasing sins i release from within and find myself feeling without. there is no doubt, simply broken thought. Current Mood: calm (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 11th, 2004
10:35 pm	i realized today that nothing matters. and when my world shatters around me, and everything i know vanishes in the blink of an eye it doesn't matter, because it was all an illusion, a grand confusion, a perfecct lie. my heart decieves me on a daily basis as i run this race some call "life". what do i have to show? a broken shell of a woman, a few dimes and a button from my pocket. there is comfort in the tourment. there is ease in the pain. there is light in the darkness. show me something i don't know because i've seen everything. you nailed me to a cross and made me omnicient. i'm searching for a sound yearning for a sight longing for a touch thirsting for perfection. closing my eyes, i fade into the background. Current Mood: awake (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 14th, 2004
4:23 pm	So it's back to Ontario... But not for good. ^_^ Or rather, not for good YET. I have too many long-term obligations here in BC for the moment. But moving along, I just booked two weeks off work yesterday, I'm so ecstatic. I called Bryan today for the first time in a LONG time. Didn't talk too much, just told him that I was coming to visit, and let him get back to closing shop. *sighs* I'd forgotton how much I miss his voice. Anyway...that's all I have to say for now. I think I'm gonna call Bry back in a bit. :3 much love, xoxox +britz Current Mood: ecstatic Current Music: Kiss Kiss Kiss ~ Ananda Project (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 22nd, 2004
2:53 pm	"I have to get back to Ontario. I have to get back to Ontario. I have to get back to Ontario. I have to get back to Ontario. I have to get back to Ontario. Something is calling me, Pushing me, Drawing me, I have to get back to Ontario. I have to get back to Ontario. I have to get back to Ontario. I have to get back to Ontario. I have to get back to Ontario. Something is calling me, Pushing me, Drawing me, I have to get back to Ontario." This is what was running through my head today. It was a bizarre day at work. I went out on my half-hour break, and thought too much. So much so that when I came back from it, I was damn near a mental breakdown. Hahaha. How funny. But the thing is, it was funny. I was laughing out loud for no reason. Other than the fact that my life is a joke. But I mean that in the best way possible. I'm not even sure who the joke is on, actually. I felt so weird today. I just kept talking about the dumbest things. I bitched to my boss about how Dell should go to hell for the stupid ammounts of effort it would take to replace my headphone jack. I spewed my life-story to my coworkers in shortened version. I made comments I never normally would. I emailed someone I barely know in hopes that she'll let me stay in her apartment (she did offer before) in Guelph for a while, while I look for work and an apartment. I can probably get my old job back. I can probably get my old life back. It isn't too late. I want to start over. I want Bryan. I want us to have a NORMAL relationship. Oh hell, I just want a normal relationship with ANYONE right now. It's not really healthy to always be living with my boyfriend. I want to have a relationship where I actually have to go out on dates and don't have to see the person everyday. At least for a while. I want to not do drugs (cause when I was in Ontario I was clean the whole time I was there. Hardly even drank). I'm so stupidly in love with Bryan I don't understand why I haven't fallen apart yet. This is it. This is what I was supposed to do. I just needed a year to figure it all out. I've know Ontario is where I'm supposed to be for years now. I might miss BC, but there's something Ontario has for me that BC just doesn't have to offer. I'm going to marry Bryan Farquharson. And that sure as hell isn't going to happen with me all the way over here. I know he feels the same way, or at least he did at some point. I want to give us a chance to develop as a couple...we didn't really have that before. We pushed ourselves into living together. This can work. But I think I have to take the initiative. So....with this begins the roller coaster of my life. I'm holding on tight. Let's see where it takes me. Current Mood: determined Current Music: Incubus ~ Echos (Comment on this)
Monday, September 13th, 2004
7:49 pm	click here. because i'm hot. that's right. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 12th, 2004
7:31 pm	Hey Shambhala.... Hm...I haven't updated this in far too long. There's some pretty interesting events going on in my life these days. Went to Shambhala in August. Had an amazing time. I met so many wonderful people, and just had an all round fun, wholesome weekend. I have so many stories to tell from that party, but more intruiging are the stories I could tell you from the after party. you can check out some shambhala pictures here: http://network87.merseine.nu:6000/ or at http://www.quana.net - click on most viewed. I'm the second most viewed photo on there. :) Anyway....I went to the Shambhala after party last weekend (or...I suppose it would be two weekends ago now) and I went with the most amazing crew of people. Alex, Sally and Adrian are very dear to my heart, and I'd love to get to know Lisa and Esom more. It was a great party - very chill, good vibes, and wonderful company. I met three people who'd come all the way from Alberta just to attend. Then Dave, Suplex, Matt, Becka, DeeDee and Tawny all showed up from Grand Forks, which was great because I thought they'd all be going to Ivan's party. I was so stoked to see some people from home out there. At one point, we gathered up a bunch of people and went for a trek through the woods to see all the stages stripped of everything we know from Shambhala. It was amazing. The grounds are so beautiful and peaceful and quiet. It was nice to see the site from a different perspective. Anyway, we wandered into the Inna Sancdom, and that's where I met Rob. Inna Sandom is his stage. At some point I got the urge to sing the Shambhala song I wrote last year, and so I did - for the world to hear. And the people around me instantly fell in love with it. I sat in the Sancdom and talked with Rob for a long time - all night actually. *laughs* I was mostly just venting about my life, all the things I've seen and done. And he listed to every word of it. It was great...I don't get that very often. The most amazing part of the whole night, however, is that I get to sing my song at Shambhala next year. WOW. The week passed by quite uneventful, other than having a bunch of girls over on Wednesday, and my rommate making special cookies on Friday. Friday was fun, I went to Jogas with Fraser, then hung out downtown for a while with Chris, Tawny and Becka. It's also the day I learned to use mixing software on my computer, which I've decided is GREAT. I love it. On Saturday Mindy came over with her new CD mixing equiptment. I cant remember what models she has, but it's some NICE mixing equiptment. Her CD decks have scratchers, and she has some fun filters to play with on her mixer. I went to join the music mixing sesh yesterday, and internally fucked my computer (well, the headphone port anyway...which means I can't plug into a good sound system now). Now I'm a sad kitty. *le sigh* Anyway, Mindy drove us all out to Nelson for this Virgo's Party at Swingers. Meow Mix (Nelson's Girl DJ Crew) was playing, and MAN, they rocked it. Hung out with a bunch of the younger Nelson party crew (Andy + co.), which was fun. *laughs* They might all be super young, but they're sweethearts, I enjoy their company. Got a bit drunk, ate some of a free Shroomy chocolate that was given to me, and enjoyed the ride. The pinata breaking was a bit of a gong-show, but didn't turn out too bad. It was fun to watch, and hey....who can complain about free bubbles, candy, and joints? Rob and Esom were doing the visuals at the party, and it was also the first showing of the Shambhala DVD that's now on sale. It was some pretty good footage. I might have to pick one up for myself. Also, Rob informed me that night that he was trying to book me some time in a recording studio so we could record my singing - I get to hear what I actually sound like, and we can pick a beat to put behind me. WOW. I'm so...I think the words I want are...in shock. *laughs* I mean, how many people who write their own music and rarely share it with anyone else ever even imagine going to a recording studio? I know I didn't. The party got shut down at about 3:30 am (i think) and someone had the idea to go to the bowling alley, since someone else's bday was going on there, and aparantly there were a bunch of people I know there. We were turned down at the door because they were trying quite desperately to close. So we were standing on the porch of the bowling alley as the rain poured down blowing bubbles. This one guy asked me if he could blow some, then I smiled and told him I could do better than that, reached into my pocket and handed him his own bubble container. He was so happy, it was cute. It doesn't take much to please people sometimes. So we all head back to PA Suplex's house to chill there for the morning. By the time we arrived, I think it was 4 am. Ivan at a shroomy chocolate, and I ate the other half of mine. Suplex put on some music and we all chilled and chatted the morning away. At some point, someone brought in a porn mag from the bathroom and Mindy started reading us "bedtime stories". *laughs* It was a bizarre morning, that's for sure. I had a great time just havin' fun and trippin' out. I saw my favorite mushroom hallucination, which is my little neon vine-gears that I see in fabrics. They were purple today, which is a color I've never seen them in....and they were on Suplex's pants! hehe. I think I need to do mushrooms by myself one day, and just sit somewhere and write. or at least make sure I have a pen and paper next time I do them. I have some amazing ideas on shrooms.... Anyway, at some point this morning we went to the Red Fish Grill for breakfast...yay for a bunch of sketchy ravers going out to a nice restaurant for breaky. It was fun though. I was being obnoxious and cynical. It was weird too, because I could see myself acting like that and couldn't stop it. *shrugs* It's all good though. Breakfast was good. I think I was overcharged. Not sure. Whatev. We got home at about 12, and I went right to sleep. Woke up at 7pm. And that brings me to....well...where I am right now. :) But I think I'm gonna have a shower and head back to bed. I work at 6am tomorrow...bleh. Current Mood: content Current Music: Born Too Slow ~ Crystal Method (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 25th, 2004
4:57 pm	MUAHAHAHA! I AM SO AW3ZOME! Okay, I'm just crazy. XD So I'm all hyper from drinking too much Yerba Mate + Coffee and Ice Cream at work. LA! I'm so happy. I went and saw Shrek 2 on Friday. Anyone who hasn't seen that, DO SO! It was excellent. There's a lot of not-little-kid-oriented jokes that are just TOO funny. I think I might go see Michael Moore's "The Corperation" (sp?) on Wednesday. It looks good. Did you know he won the top film at the Cannes Film Festival for Ferinheit (thats so spelled wrong) 9/11? That's a pretty hefty achievement. I want to see that movie too. In related news, Ivan rented Johnny English (which I've wanted to see for SO long) and X2. Yay. I like movies. It's so funny - we don't even own a TV or VCR or anything, but my wonderful laptop plays DVDs. XD It's excellent. Hehe. So, I FINALLY got regular shifts at work! <3 I'M SO ECSTATIC! I get 6 am - 2 pm, Monday thru Friday. Thats 40 hours a week. Thats over $400 per paycheque. I'M FINALLY MAKING OVER $800/mo (thank GOD!). PLUS, I get weekends off so I can party to my heart's content. *_* This is going to be such a great summer. I can't wait. Speaking of parties, Ivan's rave on the weekend, Lost in the Sticks, was an amazing sucess. It's the first party he hasn't lost money on. =) YAY! 2 stages, great people, beautiful site, and some KILLER DJs. I met some wonderful people. My goodness, I wish I hadn't broken my camera in Nelson the week before, because the stages looked so gorgeous. =) The Liquidbeat crew did an excellent job on their stage, I can't wait for their party on July 3rd. As for us, we've got plans for a beach party rave sometime in late July in the works. The DJ lineup sounds SUPER good. <3 Since Ivan bought a sound system, we have all the makings for a party at our fingertips - Dave has a generator, we have the sound + decorations plus the CD Mix2, and all we need is for a DJ to bring tables and we're set. Yeah! And Astroglide wants to play the next party (I'm SUPER stoked about that, the guy plays some KILLER speed garage). But yeah, I think I'm going to go pour myself some organic plum wine, and watch a movie with Ivan and Fraser. Lata days folks. Peace. <3 britz (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 16th, 2004
1:37 am	Childhood Dreams... I can't believe you need me I never thought would be needed for anything I can't belive my shoulder would carry such important weight As your head and your tears I can't belive you chose me, in all my fragility, me It hurts so much when i love you, it makes me cry Every time Oh you, oh you are, oh you are The little boy made for me in the stars In the stars, that's why I can't let you go The little boy made for me in the stars That's why I love you more the further I go And before this existence you were always there Waiting for me You are, you are the realest thing I know Hands down The realest thing I know I am not used to being carried Or being able to carry a pretty song I have been bruised by my many trails Sometimes my skin's so thick it's frail I just need to be ignored 'til I wake up to the beaty that is yours And it all comes to life so suddenly This is a place so deep, the water's so deep I hesitate, cause All the energy it takes to feel this power I tend to run, I tend to hide 'til I find you and I know I got you I know, I know, I know You're the little boy made for me in the stars In the stars, that's why I can't let you go The little boy made for me in the stars That's why I love you more the further I go And before this existence you were always here Inside of me You are, you are the realest thing I know Hands down...the realest thing I know I'm sliding on the rainbows of my childhood dreams I'm sliding on the rainbows of my childhood dreams (x2) My childhood dreams... When you carry me, when you carry me, when you carry me It's so happy, yeah I'm sliding on the rainbows of my childhood dreams I'm sliding on the rainbows of my childhood dreams (x2) My childhood dreams, my childhood dreams... Childhood Dreams/Nelly Furtado *sighs* I love this song. I want it played at my wedding. Or better yet....I want to sing it to my hubby at my wedding. :3 *giggle* I'm a bit silly. In related news, I'm most likely moving back to Ontario with Cassie in September. I'll be living in Hamilton - about two hours away from Bryan. Yay! I miss my baby. =) Being close to him again will be great. peace kidz. much love, xoxox +britz Current Mood: loved Current Music: Childhood Dreams ~ Nelly Furtado (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 10th, 2004
1:19 pm	hello =3 i dont live in calgary anymore...lol...I'm in BC...right back where i started almost! I live in a 4 bedroom house with two of my friends in Grand Forks. I miss bryan greatly, but I also have a lot of things here to distract me, which is good. I have a steady, full time job at the local A & W, which isnt the greatest job, but it does pay the bills. We've got good friends and regulars over at our house. One of our best friends, Tara, has a 4 year old named Sage and she's a handfull, but a really sweet kid. Grand Forks is a Thursday thru Saturday night party town, because the kids have a 4 day school week, so we're regulars over at Jessie's house on Thursdays. On Wednesday nights I'm stage manager to a bunch of little kids for a play called Moonlight on Broadway being put on by the 11th St. Theatre group. Ivan (one of my roommates) is planning an outdoor rave called Lost In The Sticks for May 22nd. We're also having a house party on Feb 21st, which is basically a mini rave in our basement. Fraser (my other roomate + best friend) and I will be selling Gin & Tonics that night - we think they'll sell really well because they glow in black light. We have 4 of those in our basement. =) Plus we go out of town to parties on the weekend when we can manage it. hehe. We're busy folks. Right now my friend Nicole is over taking a uh... "mental health break" from school and home. =) Pretty hectic huh? But it keeps me busy. yeah. much love, xoxox +britz (Comment on this)