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"How can you STAND being a nurse?" This is a question which is asked of me, often, by friends and family members who know how hard I work, and who are well aware of how often I come home from the job in tears...how, indeed, can one bear to spend so many years working a back-breaking, heart-breaking, often thankless and intensely frustrating profession? Well! I found something totally awesome (in my opinion) during my websurfing adventures this morning. The following explains, eloquently and accurately, many of the emotions that I've found impossible to put into words over the years, and explains, far better than anything else I've ever seen, the reasons that I've remained in the health care profession (with few interruptions) for almost 30 years -- since I obtained my first paying job as a nursing assistant at the age of 17. Finally, I believe I've found the words (even if they ARE someone else's) which explain why I'm still working in this profession -- and why I'll more than likely remain in it until I'm too old to do it anymore... HOW CAN YOU BEAR TO BE A NURSE?*How can you be a nurse? How can you bear the sight of blood? Wait until you slide an IV catheter into a tiny vein just before it collapses. The flashback of blood will make you sing. *How can you be a nurse? How can you bear the sight, the embarrassment, of urine? Wait until your new postpartum patient can’t void, and her uterus is rising. Your persistent maneuvers finally work, making a catheter unnecessary. Urine then looks glorious. *How can you be a nurse? How can you bear to touch that alcoholic who hasn’t had a bath in weeks? Wait until you’ve repeatedly given ice lavages to that alcoholic and his esophageal varices have finally stopped bleeding. When he actually recovers enough to amble onto your unit to visit, dirt and all, you’ll be happy enough to hug him. *How can you be a nurse? How can you bear to watch someone die? Wait until you’ve worked for weeks helping a dying woman repair a decades-old conflict with her children, and at some point along the way you see the guilt fall from their shoulders and peace enter her eyes. Watching such a death can be an exaltation. *How can you be a nurse? How can you bear the sight and smell of feces? Wait until you’ve been anxious about the diarrhea that nothing has stopped in an AIDS patient. Finally, your strategies work and you see and smell normal stool. You’ll welcome that smell. *How can you be a nurse? How can you bear to watch children suffer? Wait until you’ve rocked and soothed a suffering child into peaceful sleep, and you feel the child’s relief washing over you like a blessing. Then you won’t need to ask. *How can you be a nurse? How can you bear to look at searing trauma, at burned people? Wait until you see healthy granulation tissue that has been given a chance because your sensitive nose detected an infection before it could take hold. That healing will look beautiful to you. *How can you be a nurse? How can you bear the stream of abusive words heaped on you by psychotic patients? Wait until you’ve prodded and pulled a silent, withdrawn catatonic back over the lifeline, and she releases a string of expletives. Could Mozart sound better? *How can you be a nurse? How can you bear the sound of babies crying? Wait until your combination of vigilance, bulldog advocacy, and gentle handling have given a preemie’s lungs the time they needed to develop, and you hear his first lusty cry. You’ll laugh out loud! *How can you be a nurse? How can you bear to care for frustrating, confused Alzheimer’s patients? Wait until you’ve devised a combination of strategies that provide exercise and permit safe wandering, and you see a lift, almost a spring, in a patient’s shuffling gait. You’ll feel the lightness of a ballet dancer in your own step that day. *How can you be a nurse? So many of your patients are so old, so sick, these days. How can you bear the thought that, in the end, your care may make no difference? Wait until you’ve used your hands and eyes and voice to dispel terror, to show a helpless person that his life is respected, that he has dignity. Your caring helps him care about himself. His helplessness forces you to think about the brevity of your own life. Then and there, you decide yet again to reject the pallid pastel life. No tepid sail across a protected cove for you. No easy answers. So you keep choosing to be a nurse. You have days of frustration, nights of despair, terrible angers. Your highs and lows are peaks and chasms, not hills and valleys. The defeats come more than often enough to keep you humble: the problems you can’t untangle, the lives that seep away too fast, the meanings that elude your understanding. But you keep working at it, learning from it, knowing the next peak lies ahead. And gradually you realize your palette is filling up with colors. You see more shades of meaning. You laugh more. You realize you are well on your way to creating a work of art, maybe even a masterpiece. So that’s why you’ve remained a nurse. To your surprise, your greatest work of art is turning out to be your own life. –- Mary Mallison, RN Don’t be afraid to feel as angry or as loving as you can, because when you feel nothing, it’s just death.  Create your own visitor map!
 Current Mood:  grateful
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More than likely, I'd spend that last day as I normally would...to do otherwise would more than likely give my family an inkling that SOMETHING unusual was going on. And, as much as I love my life, it would be hard enough on ME knowing that this day was my last -- why put my loved ones through the agony of KNOWING that I'd be dead within 24 hours? So yes, if it was a "normal" workday for me, I'd go to work, and do the best job I possibly could. If I were lucky enough to spend my "last" day on one of my days off, I think I'd try to find time to at least chat with EACH of my loved ones over the phone, and make sure that they knew how very much I loved them all. Hopefully, at least one or two of them might be free to spend the evening at my house for a "spontaneous" cook-out on the grill. If not, however, I'd still put together an excellent supper for my husband and I, and enjoy my favorite foods one last time, and then have one last good romp outdoors with my dog, Maia. With that done, I'd tuck my husband into bed with a last kiss goodnight, and try to prepare myself to go "gracefully" into the unknown... Tags: writer's block
Current Mood:  contemplative
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Today is a very exciting day for us -- the new car we bought in Savannah two weeks ago is supposed to be delivered to us today. However, there's a little bit of sadness to go with all of the excitement. For the first time in six years, we're cutting down to TWO cars...Yury decided to trade in his "baby" during the purchase of our new car -- yes, folks, the Toyota Celica which he bought brand-new in 1994, and which has been an excellent, dependable car throughout these past 14 years, is leaving today with the person who's delivering our new vehicle. Yury is exceedingly sad to see his little car go "bye-bye"...and I must admit that it saddens me, too, to see it go. Not only has it been exceedingly dependable, but it's also been great fun to drive. And, I must say that the bastards we've traded it in to are getting an absolute steal...not only is this car in excellent condition -- after 14 years, it STILL looks brand-new, and in the past year, it has received new brakes, new tires, and a new clutch -- but the dealership we've traded it to only gave us 1500 USD on the thing **sigh** Obviously, we could have sold the thing and gotten about TWICE that amount, but Yury didn't want to deal with the headaches involved in selling it privately. He says that it's getting to the age where it's going to start costing us $$$ to keep it running, and it's best to let it "retire" to a nice, warm climate where it won't be exposed to salt on the roads in the winter anymore, etc. Ah, well...I'd have rather kept the car, myself, but it was not to be. So today, I'll be saying a final "goodbye" to a much-loved car at the same time I'll be getting our new one. I hope that the NEW car ends up being just as fabulous and dependable as Yury's "baby" was. Here's a shot of the car that'll soon be headed South...just one look at it will show you how lovingly my husband cared for the thing throughout the years...  Current Mood: nostalgic
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This entry will undoubtedly not be as long as it needs to be for me to get my vacation posting over and done with, since I've been working all night and am completely exhausted! Just so you know that things HAVEN'T changed one iota, I was greeted by my co-workers after my vacation with the following phrase: "Welcome back to Hell, Cindy!" I really can't say that it WAS Hell, but hey, I was fresh and rested after a two week absence from the job. Yes, it was crazy last night...actually, it was freaking insane!! But there's always an "up" side to the worst situation at work...hey, at least I HAVE a job, right?? And because I kept exceedingly busy throughout my shift, I certainly wasn't bored. Finally, the best part about the whole thing was that I only had to stay there for twelve hours. I'm home now, and it's over...only a couple more shifts to get through, and I'm off for a few days :) :) :) Okay, enough about work...for those of my faithful readers who AREN'T sick of my vacation postings already, you only need to ( click here to read on... )Current Mood:  sleepy
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After spending a good 14 hours on the road today, Yury and I have finally made it home. I suppose now might be the time to gripe about my "end-of-vacation blues," as Yury has been doing all freaking day today, but what can I say? As much as I hated for our vacation to end, I'm ever so happy to be home. I've missed my house, sleeping in my own bed, and I've REALLY missed my Maia! I can't wait to head over to the kennel first thing tomorrow morning and bring her home. I've also missed being within easy driving distance of my Megan since she's FINALLY home from the university, and I finally have the chance to see her more than once or twice in any given month. Believe it or not, I've even missed my job...which is NOT such a bad thing, when you think of it, considering the amount of overtime I'm going to want to pick up so that we'll be able to pay our credit cards off in full next month, since we've run up a goodly amount during our trip -- those vacations DO tend to be somewhat expensive! Tomorrow night, I'll expand on our trip a bit more in depth, and the commentary will FINALLY be accompanied by pictures, since I've finally got my camera cable in hand once more. However, I don't want to end this entry before I tell my faithful readers about the final weekend of our vacation adventure. I was lucky enough to be able to organize our trip so that Yury and I would be able to spend an entire weekend in Columbia, SC, so that we could finally spend an extended period of time with my LJ buddy ValleySailor, her husband, and their son. What a lovely family they are! We've managed to see them every spring for the past three years, and this is ONE "tradition" which I hope continues for many years to come. We spent Saturday evening having a lovely supper with Russ and Jan'et at the Bonefish Grill in Columbia, and had an absolutely fabulous time! What can I say...we had good food and excellent company -- what more can one ask for?? On Sunday evening, we had supper at their house. Russ cooked salmon on the grill, and Jan'et made a shrimp and pasta salad that was absolutely to die for...Jan'et, I MUST have that recipe!! Again, we enjoyed an evening with excellent companions, interesting conversation, and much good fellowship. What a fabulous way to conclude an absolutely wonderful vacation! Yury and I owe many thanks to the lovely ValleySailor and her family for a perfectly lovely weekend. Anyway, it's probably time for me to get my fat, tired old ass into bed. Tomorrow, it's back to "real life" things for me...I've got to pick my doggy up from the kennel, get our mail from the post office, get some groceries in the house, unpack, and get my laundry done. On Thursday, it's back to work for me -- a nice long stretch of FOUR twelve-hour shifts in a row! Goodnight for now...I'll post more tomorrow, once I have my pics uploaded. Enjoy what's left of your night/morning... Current Mood: content
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I'm sitting happily by the pool at our condo on Tybee Island, Georgia. So far, we've had an absolutely beautiful trip. The weather has been cooperative (for the most part), and I've taken loads of pictures thus far. Unhappily, I'm not able to post ANY of them at the moment, since this brain-dead nurse managed to forget to take along the cable which connects my digital camera to the computer. Grrrr...Ah, well, be assured that I'll have plenty of lovely pictures to post once I'm back home. Those of my friends who might want a post-card from me need only send me an E-MAIL with your current mailing address, and I'll get one off to you ASAP! I've had loads of happy news since departing on my trip. First and foremost, my youngest daughter, Melanie, has been assigned to a "non-deployable" band (i.e., she WON'T be shipped off to Iraq!) in Okinawa. It appears that she'll spend the next part of her enlistment in the Marines traveling the world (this particular band travels to Russia, Australia, and New Zealand, among other places), doing what she loves best -- playing her music! I'm completely thrilled about that...I'm also quite thrilled that she'll have another leave before shipping off to Okinawa, so I'll be able to see her before they ship her overseas. It appears that my baby is also sporting a new diamond ring, given to her by her boyfriend, David. This relationship appears to be far more serious than it did initially, from the looks of things. However, she sounded oh, so happy when I spoke with her on the phone on Thursday evening. Life appears to be going well for her, and as long as she's well and happy, what more can a Mom possibly ask for?? Not much else to talk about today, except that we bought a new car yesterday while in Savannah. I'd elaborate a bit more, but my laptop battery is already down to 64%, since I've been online for so long, so I suppose I'd better close this while the thing's still running and head back inside to make Yury's supper. Tonight, it'll be a pasta with fresh shrimp and pesto, accompanied by a tossed salad and a bottle of white wine. What can I say?? Life is good, with all the fresh seafood I have access to. Enjoy what's left of your evening. I know that I certainly will... Current Mood: happy
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Nothing much special to post, but for those who are interested, here are a few pics from today's trip to Lake Michigan:  From left: my brother-in-law, Sergei, my sister-in-law, Olga, and my husband, Yury. Isn't it a shame that, at the end of April, some of us still needed to wear winter jackets?  A view of the lighthouse in the harbor...  A little group of mallard ducks swimming in the lake.  Although I wasn't feeling very photogenic, Yury insisted...so here's a pic of me with my latest 'do -- loaded with blonde highlights, and windblown all to Hell. I still haven't decided whether I want to keep them or not. Current Mood: tired
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