The first time I saw Alan Shore... I didn't see the attraction.

What I did see was a pale, pudgy first class manipulator who doesn't recognize authority. But let's cut to the chase: I can't understand why women would rather sleep with him than me.

How does he do it? No matter what I do, it's always about Alan. All the women here... I just don't see it.

This blindness is a little disconcerting. Confidence and assertiveness came naturally to me, as did success with women. Then I saw Alan, cocksure, smugly shoving my reports down the conference table and occupying my seat. No one bats an eye – not Sally. Not Tara. No ‘Welcome back, Brad’, ‘Nice save on the monopoly case, Brad’. No. Instead, he implies I have territory issues.

OK. Perhaps I do. Never had a confidence problem before. Now… it’s as if that black hole in a pinstripe is sucking all the attention into his… Not just the women here, mind you. Ex-girlfriends, ex-neighbors, Denny, for Pete’s sake. And he doesn’t even want what he has.

I seriously have to wonder about Lori. Tara informed me Lori fancied the pants off Alan. Over me? Before the first time I saw Alan Shore, I never had anything to feel insecure about. Don’t get it, can’t let go of it. And, honestly? I don’t believe it even registers with him.

Lori took me aside and endeavored to explained it.
"He's... intriguing."
"Can't see it."
"He's - " *she wrinkles up her nose in contradiction* " - sweet."
"Are you kidding me?"
"He's flawed - "
"Now you're getting somewhere."
" - in a charming way."
I can only stare at her. She nods,
"He's appalling."

I can see that.

[Cross posted to Theatrical Muse: "The first time I saw... "]