| The sky is over. |
[09 Nov 2007|07:49am] |
|
I'm driving my mother's car through the middle of a field beside a river. The sky is black. There is no moon. I have the headlights on, but they shine onto a black ground. They don't illuminate anything. But I can see them.
Something happens that I don't remember, and I hit a tree. As soon as I collide with the tree it's like an outward explosion of light and everything I couldn't see becomes clear. like, the grass and this house and the tree and just the whole world suddenly blinks into view as soon as I hit this stupid tree.
The car that I was driving has turned into a wagon with two horses, one brown and one gray. The gray horse is dead, it had become entangled in its harness and reins and choked itself to death. The brown horse is still alive, but it's thin and still struggling to move.
I get out of the car/wagon and move to the brown horse, and I unharness it and start walking with it away from the wreck towards a house with a lake. My grandmother who chain smokes - and who I haven't seen in over four years - walks onto the porch and tells me there's a kid locked in the garage in a barbed wire restrain fence playing basketball on a TV and she needs me to come see him. I refuse. I need to take care of the horse.
The horse has no saddle or anything on, just a bridle, and so I flip the reins over its head and grab onto its mane and pull myself up so I'm sitting on its back. I start moving it away fromthe house to the lake because it was heading towards the water, I guess it was thirsty. So we're walking to the lake behind the house, and my grandmother comes out on the back deck and mentions something about snakes.
The horse and I move towards the lake shore and as it reaches the water it starts to collapse, but I manage to keep it standing. It moves further into the water, up to its knees and my toes start to brush through the water. There's a snake in the water, it had come out from behind a rock, and it swam over to me and was resting itself on the horse's back, because by this time the horse had swam out further and was neck-deep in the water.
So I'm sitting on this horse and I feel it struggling as it moves further out into the lake, and it starts to drown itself because it can't keep itself up anymore. It keeps thrashing and trying to make it to the surface, and I'm trying to rein it in and move it back around, but it doesn't listen, it just keeps trying as it starts suffocating. And for some reason I can't get off the horse, I don't want to get off of the horse, so it's, in turn, drowning me as well. So I open my eyes and look up at the surface through this olive-coloured water, still trying to get the horse to stop drowning itself.
And then I wake up.
I woke up feeling so sad because to feel something struggling that hard but not being able to make it and yeah, it was just really bizarre. I haven't been remembering any of my dreams lately, I'm not really sure why, but I remember that part. Meh.
|
|
| Arcadia~ |
[08 Sep 2006|08:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Soundgarden- Spoon Man |
] |
Gravel crunched underneath her shoes as Renie walked further along the path with Arcadia; the white-haired girl stopped often to pick up dead beetles from among the rocks, complimenting them on their extreme shininess and green colour. She grinned at Renie as she spoke something about a fancy tea party and continued to hop the trail through the park, collecting dead shells as she went. One of them turned out to be very much alive and crawled over her hand, perching on her thumb and seeming to stare indignantly at her. Arcadia gasped and flailed about a moment as it flew off, tossing all the other beetles aside at the prospect of the live one, now just a small green and yellow sparkle hovering a couple feet above the ground.
"No! Mister beetle come back!" she shouted while starting to chase after the flying insect. "But we were only becoming friends!!"
Intense lime-green eyes squinted as she bounded after the airborn bug; she jumped up every so often to try and grasp it, but she never could quite reach. Renie watched with nothing more than a smile.
"Mister beetle! The train is this way! The train!!"
( Something close to an update, I suppose. )
|
|
| Hah. |
[03 Sep 2006|01:44am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
migraine |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Toadies - Possum Kingdom |
] |
Taking a moment to pull away from my complete abhorration of society and life as we know it to announce that this song always reminds me of Matt whenever I listen to it.
Don't know if it's the walking around the lake part, or the fact that I remember hearing it when we were in the drive-thru at Chick-fil-A by his grandparents' house after we heard the Fanta commercial and couldn't stop making fun of it.
Speaking of lakes, Matt is forever cool from saving me from scary crack dealers who want to buy Murdoch. Everyone should love him for it.
Anyway. This is the Matt song. Don't know if that's a good thing or not.
That's all.
|
|
| Hmm. |
[07 Jul 2006|01:27pm] |
There was this ratty old beach resort town next to a quieter part of the ocean; my sister and i had gone there because our father had invited us, but we never found our father. We ran up and down, looked theough shacks and little run-down beach houses, speaking with the people who lived there. Most of the people were dead, we found them in their houses lying on the floor or in their beds, but some houses were just empty. The couple houses by the beach had people left, though, and so we tried to talk them into letting us use a car to leave. They just laughed at us and told us that one of the dead people might have a car we could use. My sister ended up finding a storm cellar, so we both went down there.
Then the other people locked us down there.
Apparently the storm cellar was just a huge tunnel that lead to this giant trash compacting room, and there was this whole underground network of labs and stuff underneath the beach that our father had been making for quite some time. My sister and I weren't allowed to go out of this tunnel; our new hliving area was the tunnel, a small room before it with a light and then the actual huge tras room itself with contained huge pieces of scrap wood and various other objects, which I assume was just left over from building the beach town above.
We had a cat that lived with us; it was black, because our other one had drown above-ground when my father had all the people in the city killed. My sister and I used to go and play in the trash compactor room, but one time it turned on while we were in there and we barely made it back to our room in time to avoid being crushed. That was when my sister went crazy.
The next morning she stabbed herself to death with a short, sharp piece of wood.
Then I woke up.
|
|
| So I saw the Silent Hill trailer today. |
[01 Apr 2006|03:43am] |
|
Was fiddling around on the computer when I hear that ohsofamiliar song that I like from Silent Hill 2. It was coming from the TV. So I was like HMMM. And then turned around to watch the trailer for the Silent Hill movie.
Not at all thrilled with the idea of exchanging Harry for a woman who looks exactly like an older version of Heather from Silent Hill 3, and having her go through everything that happened in the first movie, though I suppose changing stuff around to make it 'based on' the game (or all three/four of them, whatever) is what making a movie is all about.
But damn.
The original Silent Hill was a good enough game, to me, where if they copied what happened in the game scene by scene to a movie and didn't change anything at all, I would still love it and watch it 987394 times. because well, I've played the game about that many times, with or without Matt, haha, just for the storyline and how you basically have to play the game that many times to remotely understand exactly what is going on.
Anyway.
Not happy with the person exchange, but everything else looked awesome. I liked how they seemed to completely stick to the Silent Hill-ish type theme of dark and dirt and chainlink fence and weird metal floors. The nurses looked cool. Don't know why they threw random SH2 straitjacket monsters in there, but if Pyramid Head is supposed to show itself, I'll be a fan.
Hopefully it won't be as disappointing as the Resident Evil movie was, for me, anyway.
Fini.
|
|
| /random |
[26 Mar 2006|12:31pm] |
Whenever I see that cellphone (Verizon? maybe) commercial with the guy who has the phone and he's standing in the street, and it starts playing that "Urgent" song, so he sings with it and then whips out another one and starts dancing...
...that guy always reminds me of Andy Hoffman.
|
|
| Dreams are bad; our heads are mad. |
[14 Feb 2006|02:19am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Gorillaz - Every Planet We Reach is Dead |
] |
Oh yeah. We had a snowstorm the other day.
First snow all winter. like, two feet-ish.
In February.
/kicks the weather
( I draw better when I'm angry-- )
|
|
| Blargh~~ |
[14 Feb 2006|12:44am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
apathy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Alice in Chains - I Stay Away |
] |
Was talking to... corresponding with... whatever... Rob, the other day, and he brought up the subject of cybernetics, and what would happen if we were ever to be able to actually use it, and change how we look if we wanted... how would people change themselves to look?? How would I change myself to look?? We both agreed most guys would probably go all macho-type look, we didn't talk about girls. He said I'd probably go put lizardy-type stuff into my design. And haha, I probably would. It would be a really interesting thing to doodle up one day, anyway. But it was amusing for awhile to think of how drastically people would change if they could form themselves as they please, and who/what would be most modeled after, and that, even though there would be myriads of ways to change ourselves as individuals, the majority would probably find one person to idolize and go after them.
I'd just want to be a raptor, since I don't think actual wing-y flight would be attainable. I'd much more prefer to soar than be propelled forward. Raptor leg feet-y stuffs would be fun, but would probably keep top half human. And have Bolt-y wings o_o Yeah. I think old-school Bolt would be the way to go. Only half mech o_o
I wonder what other people would want to do. Or if they would even do anything at all.
Not like any of this will ever happen in my lifetime.
No fun for me~~
|
|
| I wonder. |
[02 Feb 2006|02:10am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
meh |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Gravity Kills - Forget Your Name |
] |
I think about people I've only met once or twice, or people that I knew way back when, and what I remember them by, and wonder if there's ever people that ever remember me for some quirky thing or another. And I don't mean like, just days or weeks. I'm talking years.
I wonder if Patrick, the little boy I used to live next door to in Buffalo whom I would sit with in his backyard and eat maple leaves off of the tree with, I wonder if he remembers that. Or I wonder if Justin, another little boy a year or two later, on the opposite end of the street, remembers that we used to use his bed for a trampoline and play Jaws on his NES and fail horribly.
I wonder if Paul remembers punching me in the mouth when we were seven at a sleepover and making me lose one of my first teeth.
I wonder if Todd and Erik remember that we used to play Megaman in the kiddie pool in Sloan when we were eight. Or that we used to go to the park and pretend we were Yoshis.
I wonder if my stepdad remembers I used to purposely hide the remote from him in one of our first apartments when my mother and I moved to North Carolina just so I could watch Captain Planet at 6:30 without him turning it off to watch the news. Or maybe he isn't suppsoed to remmeber that ebcause he didn't know it was intentional, but hell, how could you not know it was intentional. It was Captain Planet, dammit!
I wonder if Brandon remembers that all we used to talk about in 4th grade was The Lion King, and had a contest to see which one of the boys could make the best giggle that most resembled Ed the hyena.
I wonder if anyone in the 4th grade remembers how big of an arsehole Mr. Ike was, and how trading Lion King cards was considered a sin.
I wonder if Mr. Ferrell remembers me accidentally resetting the lock on his briefcase in 5th grade and him not being able to get it open for the rest of the day.
I wonder if Desiree remembers all the sleepovers we had, and how she was my twin, down to the same birthday; and how the last day we spent together before she went missing was at Carowinds, and what a blast that was.
I wonder if Mrs. Woods remembers all of us in French2 leaping about in false excitement as we all recited the French national anthem once a day every day for half of a school year.
I wonder if Mr. Ector remembers absolutely grnding my ass into the ground for four or five years that I had him for English class, if only because he believed in the talent that I do have when it comes to writing. That and when Leah and I skipped out on the sex ed chapel that Ms. Ghent was doing and then ripping us a new asshole the next day. But mostly the writing part.
I wonder if Matt remembers all the half-ass awkward times we spent when we were first getting to know each other, and how we never seemed to look each other in the eye. Haha. That and the salad thing, but the plastic salad thing was waaay later.
I wonder if Rob ever realizes how much he actually helped me survive college.
I wonder if the online Matt ever realizes how much he made my day ten times better in college by just going on for an hour with each other in an IM about absolutely nothing.
I wonder if that woman in the store the other day remembers how she cheered up the sick 'teenager' with all the earrings and the baggy clothes in the store holding the ferret by just asking what it was, and not acting like I was the fucking Plague.
I wonder if all of these random people realize how much they have made the happiest parts of my life be just that... and I wonder, if just maybe, I meant just a sliver as much to them as they still mean to me.
|
|
| O_o |
[24 Jan 2006|10:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
o_O? |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Alice in Chains - Heaven Beside You |
] |
Okay, so.
About an hour ago it was thundering and raining.
Right now it's snowing.
...What the hell?
Someone needs to tell the weather to make up its damned mind -.-
(I promise I'll update with somethign not craptastic eventually.)
|
|
| Tilde tilde tilde. |
[17 Jan 2006|07:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
decent |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Blur - Tame |
] |
I suppose I should make an acceptable "normal" entry. Or something like that. Whatever. A catch-up entry of sorts, I suppose.
Seventeen days into January I suppose is a decent enough time to deem a rediculously belated good new year to everyone, whether it has been or not. We had the first thunderstorm of the new year two days ago, early in the morning. It woke me up. What the hell kind of business does the weather think it has making a thunderstorm in the middle of January. At first I thought it was some moron driving their car back and forth by the house, but whatever; I'm sure I've had worse delusions waking up at 3am to other stuff. But it was odd seeing a thunderstorm in January. We're supposed to have another one tonight. What the hell, where is all my snow? I demand snow -- If not, bad things will happen.
Like thunderstorms.
Whatever.
I went up to NC for Christmas to visit my Mom and brother. It was enjoyable, was really nice to see them again. I didn't see a couple other people I had wanted to, though Matt did come over for a little bit, so that's always nice. I had more to say than I did, but yeah, awkwardness prevails and my lack of people skills even to old friends don't really help. Bleh. I'm so bad at saying what I want to sometimes. But then again me being overly weird and emotional and stuff doesn't help. Oh well. Noone needed to know that. But yeah, Matt, sorry I didn't talk more. I did get your voicemail, tho, I'll try calling you back at some point when you're maybe not busy.
I've been in a really weird mood ever since I got back from NC that I'm hoping I'll eventually snap out of, 'cause being half-ass grumpy all the time and sad is really starting to get rather annoying. I dun'no why I've been like that, but I can guess. Oh well.
( Doodle and hexadragon for Ksilebo )
The end~
|
|
| ~ |
[10 Jan 2006|02:21am] |
Until yesterday, I never fully understood the actual feeling of writhing in pain. 'Cause yeah, it's used alot, but I never had the... joy... of experiencing this lovely phrase. "Writhing in pain."
To be blatant and obvious; it sucks.
Try and avoid it.
PS-- I wish I wasn't like I am. Maybe then people wouldn't walk all over me. The end.
|
|
| I have penguin pants >.> |
[25 Dec 2005|10:49pm] |
|
Merry Christmas.
|
|
| No snowww. |
[21 Dec 2005|12:59pm] |
I'm in Charlotte from a couple days ago up until the 28th >.> Josh, I demand McDonalds, lol -.-
The airplane rides were okay-ish; got into Michigan with no problem. We ended up having to fly over one of the Lakes which was mostly froen over and all the ice patterns on it looked really cool. At one point before landing we were too close to the plane in front of us so we had to circle around before coming in; that would have been nice to know BEFORE he was like, turning the plane every which way and sideways and yeah-- After that LOVELY heart attack, my flight came in at A78. My next flight was at A7 o.x So I walked all of fifteen minutes down to the other end of the terminal; about halfway through I noticed a big red shiny tram that came over the stores but yeah, I had just been sitting down for God knows how long, I didn't want a tram. Called all the appropriate people which wastes a bit of layover time and then I figured I'd get something to eat before my flight to Charlotte. Sos I ended up getting some weird calzone-y type thing and sat down in my A7 area only to realize that I was sitting in the area for people going to Newark, NJ. They had moved my flight back up to A71. kajhsdkjahs >< So by that point I just said screw it and took the tram to get all the back the way I came -.- and then ate my foods. Second flight was okay; I had to sit next to this weird lady on the second flight who kept going on and on about how she had no talents and her only talent was looking at a picture and saying "Oh, that's pretty" and yeah. She was kind'a weird. She also thought I was 16, sooo... whatever.
Been spending most of the time here with my brother; we've done everything from video games to drawing, and we're supposed to go see that Chronicles of Narnia movie later tomorrow, so that should be cool.
|
|
Meme crap ganked from ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) fieryphoenix =o |
[05 Dec 2005|12:05pm] |
 Dear Santa...
Dear Santa,
This year I've been busy!
Last Monday I donated bone marrow to zarathus in a life-saving procedure (300 points). In November I gave malytwotails a wet willie, then I took it back (-5 points). Last Friday I ate my brussel sprouts (1 points). In August I gave _skitzopath a kidney (1000 points). In July I saved a busload of nuns in Angola (326 points).
Overall, I've been nice (1622 points). For Christmas I deserve a toy train!
Sincerely,
bolt_raptor |
Toy trains are badass >.>
|
|
| ignore~ |
[28 Nov 2005|06:13am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
NIN - Where is Everybody? |
] |
well okay, enough,
you've had your fun
but come on there has to be someone
that hasn't yet become
so numb
to succumb
and
god damn i am so tired of pretending
of wishing i was ending
when all i'm really doing is trying to hide
and keep it inside
and fill it with lies
open my eyes?
maybe i wish i could try
|
|
| Feh. |
[27 Nov 2005|03:26am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
irritated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
NIN - Somewhat Damaged |
] |
I'm becoming extremely tired of my inability to sleep at night.
|
|
| eee |
[24 Nov 2005|12:58am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
headache |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
NIN - Somewhat Damaged |
] |
It is snowing outside, whee. First snow of the year on Thanksgiving O.o but whatever, it's snowww. So hoorays. (I'm sure I'll be sick of it by next week or whatever, but hell.) Not that it's a good thing 'cause snow means this room will start to turn subzero at night, but whatever. Frostbite and extreme hypothermia mean nothing to me. Snow!
I'm gon'na be going home to Charlotte from December 17th to the 28th, so that should be fun. I have to change planes in Detroit (ewww, changing planes) so that should be really itneresting. It's a 3-hour layover inbetween flights so hopefully if there;s weather delays I won't get stuck in Michgan-- If I do, someone's coming to pick me up, dammit-- I don't wan'na stay in Michigan >.> It'll be my first time changing flights 'cause I've always been leery about it, but meh, we'll see, I guess.
Mike and I went to the mall last night and got me Shadow of the Colossus. I stayed up for the next 11 hours or so and beat it o.x I was iffy about it on the demo at first 'cause the camera really sucked and the controls were hard to get used to but I played it like, four times, haha, got used to the controls and ended up bugging him to go out and buy it. <333 the game, but then again I'm weird. It has a really vague storyline until the end, which kind'a surprised me but made killing all 16 of the colossi more worth it. Mike hates the game, tho; he's not patient enough to ride around for an hour figuring out where the hell to go next, and then spending another half-hour trying to figure out how to down the goddamned statue. Two or three got me really pissed at some points, haha, but other than that it's a nice change from what I usually play. That, and the fact that there really haven't been any good games out in a long time that I'll sit and play straight through until I beat them, so. Wheee. The map for the game is huge, and if you see a tree or a mountain way off in the distance, 98% of the time you can actually go there. It's just a huge, huge area to explore and it's nice to just ride around on the horse and look at stuff and explore. The horse itself can be a pain in the ass to manuever, which is bad in the fights that you need to use it, but it's not that bad. ANyway, ramblign aside, it's a good game; I'd recommend it, anyway. >.>
Ferrets are out, and chewing on my toes, and being ferrets-- I guess being out noon and midnight is better than noon and waking me up at 5am, so whatever--
cfjcv ws.b zxsxnhhh56 ,m = love for all from the ferret.
|
|
| The creepiest part is that he doesn't remember it. |
[17 Nov 2005|02:49am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
decent |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Soundgarden - The Day I Tried to Live |
] |
Why not a lobotomy??
I dun'no, I found it interesting.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
