Attack Boju, originally uploaded by Boju.

by BJ Winslow

As part of my quest here at Dapper Cadaver to leave no gravestone unturned I am adding a new feature to the Dapper Cadaver Blog - Haunted Los Angeles. There are over 300 different neighborhoods in Los Angeles- from out of the way spots like Aliso Village and the Yucca Corridor, and of corpse Hollywood, Downtown, Venice, and the other big deal parts of town, and every single one of them has strange specters afoot.

I'll start with The San Fernando Valley, AKA "The Valley"

Slymar-
The northern most burb of The Vally boasts 2 paranormal epicenters that have garnered national attention. An alleged Gravity Hill in Lopez Canyon where naughty objects openly break the law of nature and apparently roll UP HILL, and a possessed statue in Glen Haven Memorial park that witness claim walks the grounds on certain nights.

Mission Hills-
At the Mission San Fernando Cemetery a apparition of a lady in a white dress and a white scarf on her head has been seen praying in the front row of the chapel. She has appeared both ghostly, or solid at first, then vanishing in the air.

Pacoima-
Pacoima was home to Etta Smith, an otherwise normal professional who made the news in 1980 in a very unusual case.
From CNN.com
"A nurse named Melanie Uribe vanishes on her way to work without any suspects or physical evidence. Los Angeles detectives are searching without a map for the missing woman. But one woman, Etta Smith, feels she knows exactly where Melanie Uribe is. How? A psychic vision supplied her with the exact location of the missing nurse...

Etta doesn't know Melanie Urbie, but she's sure that the images flooding her mind are connected to her disappearance. Detective Ryan knows that every second counts in the hunt for a missing person. Could Etta Smith's psychic clues give them a much needed break in the case? Etta Smith's vision becomes a reality, when she sees the exact location flash in front of her eyes.

Now, investigators left to make sense of a bizarre chain of events. A woman goes to the remote canyon and finds the body of a murder victim she claims she's never met. It seems like an improbable feat. So improbable, that Etta Smith becomes suspect No. 1 in the murder of Melanie Uribe."



More Strange San Fernando Valley after the jump

yeti-sasquatch_low, originally uploaded by Boju.

Dapper Cadaver is going to to be visited by the Believe It Tour on Friday, Sept 26th as part of their ongoing quest to teach and learn about the all mysterious of the universe, but mainly Bigfoot.

In honor of the ambassadors of Sasquatch, I'm using Monster Mondays to shine some light on the whole Bigfoot clan. Cause there's lots of bigfoots, or bigfeet as their known to "science."

Think you can tell a wookie from Harry and The Hendersons? Take this quiz and find out. I'll send something weird to the first person who get all the bigfoots correctly identified.

1. This Bigfoot lives in Brittish Columbia. It is 12 feet tall with bizarre long arms that end in yellow paddles. Unlike most apes, it only has 4 toes on its feet.

2. Native to Australia, Aborigines see this creature as part lizard, part ant, but the Brittish colonists saw it as a gorilla-size ape man resembling an orangutan.

3. Another 4 toed bigfoot, this one is from Malaysia. It resembles a black orangutan but walks like a man. It's name means Snaggle Toothed Ghost.

4. This beast is believed by locals to be an ape-demon who converted to Buddhism. For this reason, they keep evidence of its existence enshrined in their monasteries.

5. A native to Vietnam, this bigfoot is only 6 feet tall. He's covered in fur except for his noticeably bald knees. He eats fruit, leaves, monkeys, and bats.

6. This bigfoot stands anywhere from 5 to 10 feet tall and is covered in red fur. He lives in an enchanted part of China where rates of albinism amongst animals runs unusually high.

7. This is the bigfoot of the Southeast United States, a swamp dweller who smells like rotten eggs.

8. This bigfoot was found dead in Pennsylvania. Witnesses say it had large eyes, human features and was mask-like in appearance; large muscles, flat buttocks, 13 inch-long feet, a 6 inch-long penis, and smelled like a damp dog

9. This bigfoot looks like a man covered in fur but is only 3 feet tall. He lives in Sumatra.

10. This is an allegedly extinct prehistoric ape that stood over 10 feet tall and ate tough plant matter. It's jawbones and skull fragments have been found in China.

11. This Scottish bigfoot is tall and lanky, covered in gray fur, and said to have a ghost like presence.

12. This is a bigfoot from Ontario Canada that looks like a normal bigfoot, except its head and mane are blond.

13. This ape man from Pakistan and Afghanistan sometimes is seen wearing crude animal skin clothing. He also has a nasty habit of kidnapping local women and attempting to mate with them.

14. This Missouri bigfoot is notable for it's pumpkin like head.

15. Apelike descendants of australopithecines, the first human species. This group diverged and remained a hairy, bipedal ape that some believe may still exist as bigfoot.

16. An Ohio bigfoot found more in the grasslands than the forests.

17. This Mongolian ape-man is speculated to be a relic tribe of Neanderthals. Stories of them have them somewhat successfully interbreeding with humans.

Contact me here if you can correctly identify all the different kinds of bigfoot.

hodag_capture, originally uploaded by Boju.

This edition of Dapper Cadaver's Monster Monday's is dedicated to my lovely Wisonsonian wife, Eileen.

Wisconsinites are a weird breed. As well as the beer basket of America, they're also the home of Barnum and Baily, the House on The Rock, The Forevertron, and the only company in America that still makes straight jackets for use in mental institutions. Likewise their monsters fall a bit on the strange side. The following beasts are only visible to Wisconsinians.

Hodag -
The beast pictured above. A small rhino/dragon like beast that is the earthbound soul of Minnesota's Babe the Blue Ox. The hodag had risen from the ashes of the ox. It was born when Paul Bunyan's ox, Babe, was burned for seven years to cleanse its soul of the profanity hurled at it by lumberjacks and its master. The cleansed part of the oxes soul went to Heaven, and from the earthbound ashes rose the foul smelling Hodag. The hodag is now a popular team mascot for various Wisconsin teams.



Hoopsnake-
Rather than slithering, the hoopsnake bites it's tale and rolls down hill like a hula hoop.


Birdman-
Spotted on a farm near Highway 82, the birdman is described as being 6 ft tall, with an enormous beak, and covered with yellow feathers. Farms where the birdman was seen recovered large yellow feathers. Young children in the area said they saw Sesame Street's Big Bird outside their window.


Gallinipper-
A man lay in bed sleeping when her heard 2 droning voices. He opened his eyes without moving to see 2 mosquitoes over 1 feet long standing on his chest discussing their meal.
Mosquito 1: Should we eat him here or carrying him out?
Mosquito 2: We'll eat him here. If we carry him out he might get stolen by one of big ones!
The Wisconsin mosquitos over 2 feet long are Gallinippers.


Agropelter-
The Argopelter was rarely seen, and no distinct description exists. However, it was said to inhabit hollow tree trunks in the forest. From this vantage point the creature would await any unwary person and hurl wooden splinters and branches at him or her. Although the human could sustain serious injury, there is no record of assault past this initial bombardment.


Whatsit-
A small gray rodent like creature unlike any found in Wisconsin. The Whatsit was found in 1939 on a farm in Elkhorn. Since everything on the farm was black and white, the farmer didn't want a creature around messing up his color scheme so he gave the whatsit to a man named Adams. Adams found the Whatsit would eat only bananas and soon it gave birth to 2 little whatsits. The whatsit is now believed to be a Vesper Rat from Costa Rica.

Gillygaloo -
The gillygaloo is a large bird that lays square eggs on the sides of hills so they don't roll away. It's eggs can be hard boiled and used as dice.



Wolfman - Beast of Bray Road
Wisconsin is home to the most well documented werewolf in the world, and the only wolfman Cryptozoologists take seriously- The Beast of Bray Road. While it's not believed to be Larry Talbots Wisconsin cousin transforming into a wolf, it is believed to be a six foot tall bipedal wolf, or if that's too far fetched, then a wolf-like bigfoot named Eddy. Others think it's a furry in costume pulling pranks. Others think it's a regular wolf and people are hallucinating the walking around part.



Cheese Heads

These strange creatures are half-man half-cheese. They only come out from September to January. The young ones squeek. And most terrifying of all, they are unkillable

halloween greetings, originally uploaded by Boju.

Unlike a Haunted House, where the decor is the event, when decorating a Halloween party you've got the added challenge of needing to set up the normal party places - a bar, a dance floor, a buffet, social space, bathrooms, but give them a twisted edge. Here are some tips for decorating a killer Halloween party or event, and where to find the supplies.

1. Decorating a Halloween Bar.
Mad science just works in the bar. Set up black lights or black light spotlights around your bar area. Stock up on tonic water. Tonic water contains quinine which is naturally black light responsive. So gin and tonic is going to glow like radioactive spider venom. Add some small bits of dry ice to get it fully foamy. Brown liquors and wine can be dyed red with food coloring to look like blood. Add vintage labels for effect. Serve drinks in laboratory glassware. Spice up the booze bottle collection by adding assorted specimen jars.
>Oh and one more thing Skull Beer Bong!


More tips after the jump

laboratory essentials, originally uploaded by Boju.

WARNING: This article contains images and material that may be upsetting to some readers. While Dr. Victor Frankenstein is the epitome of the movie Mad Scientist, his experiments in reanimating the dead are positively tame compared to some of the real life beaker jockeys who earn the title. For starters, Dr. Frankenstein's victims were already dead, and were criminals to boot. The most common victims of mad science are innocent animals.

With that said, let's get mad!

13. Dr. Thomas Park.

Dr. Thomas park studies unusual sensory perception amongst mammals, which means his research is dedicated to the creepiest of creatures - Bats and Naked Mole Rats. While we all know bats are the air born form of vampires, many people have not been exposed to the shivering pink mass of flesh and teeth that live like a termite and look like an abortion.
MAD SCIENCE EXPERIMENT: Mole rats cannot be burned with acid.
""Their insensitivity to acid was very surprising," Park told LiveScience. "Every animal tested — from fish, frogs, reptiles, birds and all other mammals — every animal is sensitive to acid." Was Park just throwing acid on a random assortment of creatures to test his theory that they hate it? And what did he do once he discovered mole rats couldn't be burned? He genetically engineered a cold sore that would make them burnable again.

12. Dr. Warren Thomas

Warren Thomas is a scientist who did a lot of acid in 1962. So much so that he thought it would be a good idea to dose an Elephant with LSD. The elephant, named Tusko, died in almost immediately. He claimed in his defense he didn't expect that result, saying he had done plenty of acid himself and that the drug produce no ill effects. What he did expect was the elephant to fly into a psychotic rage, much better right?

11. Dr. Robert Cornish

Robert Cornish is a scientist who, in Berkley, CA, 1930, managed to resurrect 2 dead dogs by placing them on a seesaw to circulate the blood and injecting them with a mixture of adrenalin and anticoagulants. Not surprising he was able to find a human volunteer for his experiments with a man condemned to be executed, and the state denied him permission for fear he could do it.



Top 10 Mad Scientists after the cut

Did I leave anyone off? Let me know!

zz ingrid pitt the house that dripped blood, originally uploaded by Boju.

Everyone knows Freddy and Jason, Frank and Drac, but ask anyone who the greatest female monsters are, and they'll likely draw a blank (or maybe the Bride of Frankenstein and Elvira). Which is too bad, because female monster are amongst the scariest and hottest creations around, and they make kick ass Halloween costumes for women who want to mix scary with their sexy.

I've compiled a list of the top 40 lady monster costumes of all time. 40 because I don't mess around with puny top ten lists when the topic is this important. Pictured above is the beautiful Ingrid Pit as a vampiress in The House that Dripped Blood. She didn't make the cut for top 40 because her costume appears to be a 99 cent cape and 25 cent fangs and this list is for the best costumes.

40. Gozer from Ghostbusters

Costume: New Wave Eye Make up + Butch Lesbian Hair cut + Body Stocking + cotton batting.
Coolness Factor: "When Someone asks you 'are you a god' you say YES!"

39. Terminatrix from Terminator 3

Costume: Leather jacket + perfect hair + cyborg makeup or prosthetics.
Coolness Factor: Doing the robot on the dance floor. Kicking The Governators ass.

38. Baby Jane from Whatever Happened to Baby Jane

Costume: Tattered baby doll clothes, bad whore make up, puffy facial appliances.
Coolness factor: Acting infantile, harassing the handicapped.

37. Morticia Addams from the Addams Family AKA Vampira AKA Elvira

Costume: Long black hair, tight black dress, pale skin, cleavage.
Coolness Factor: It's 3 costumes in one!



See the top 35 lady monsters under the cut

Did I leave anyone out? Let me know!

chick halloween 1, originally uploaded by Boju.

In my previous post on the History of Halloween I kind of glossed over a very important aspect of the Holiday - Trick-Or-Treating. Well, I woke up that morning and found my blog TPed, my computer screen soaped, and a smashed pumpkins in my comments. So I better clear things up or smell some feet.

There are 2 persistent myths about the origins of Trick or Treating. One is that it originated from the Druids going door to door for sacrafices (see image above) and the other is that it originated from Mischief Night in the UK. Like a good horror movie, both stories make great spooky stories to tell yourself on Halloween, but shouldn't be taken seriously at all.

The above comic sets up the traditional Protestant Christian belief that Halloween is Satanic in origin and Druids or witches spent the night going door to door kidnapping virgins to be raped and sacrificed to Satan. Jack-O-lanterns were left with candles made of human flesh.

Note that I'm drawing a distinction between Protestant Christians and Catholic Christians. Part of the anti-Halloween vibe stems from the conflicts between Catholic Ireland which celebrated Samhain and Halloween and Protestant England which liked neither Catholics nor the Irish and celebrated Guy Fawkes day. Catholics tend to see the connection between All Souls Eve, The Day of the Dead, and Halloween without too much of a fuss.

As for Halloween, it was never celebrated by the druids. The druids of Ireland celebrated Samhain. When Ireland went Catholic they started celebrating Halloween. But names and religions aside, there is also no record of druids going door to door on Samhain or collecting sacrifices. The celebration of Samhain involved bonfires, fortune telling, dancing, apple bobbing, and a harvest feast. The druids were pagans and part of their culture had some witchcraft elements, but they did not worship Satan, who is part of the Christian cosmology. Jack-o-lanterns came with the switch to Halloween, but they were carved turnips, not pumpkins, and were lit with ordinary candles or coal.

According to legend, there was an Irishman named Jack, who was renown for his drunkenness and meanness. When it came time to die, the Devil came to collect his soul. Jack begged him for one last drink and tricked the Devil into turning into the coin to pay for it. Instead of going into a bar with his Satanic coin, Jack put it in his wallet, which bore a cross on it, trapping the Devil. Desperate, the Devil offered Jack one more year of life if he let him out.

One year latter the Devil came for Jack again. This time Jack begged the devil for one last apple, and tricked the Devil into climbing an apple tree. While the Devil was in the tree, Jack drew a cross on the tree, trapping the Devil. Furious, the Devil offered Jack 10 more year of life if he let him down.

When Jack finally died, Jesus wouldn't let him into Heaven because he was such a mean, drunken man. So, at the gates of Hell, the Devil refused him as well, saying "I want nothing to do with you ever again!"
So Jack was forced to wander in limbo between earth and the afterlife. He asked the Devil how he could light his way, and the Devil gave him a coal of hellfire, which Jack put into a turnip and carved a face on. Since the Devil wanted nothing to do with Jack, the Jack-o-lantern was placed at doors and windows to welcome in lost souls and scare away devils and demons.

So the original Jack O Lantern did burn hellfire, but aside from that was pretty anti-satanic. Plus, the devil in that story is so stupid.

The Irish brought Halloween to America in the late 1800's, but Trick-or-Treating didn't appear until the 1930's. Until then, the two were completely unrelated, and above all else, Halloween and Trick-or-Treating are not Satanic.

Part 2 to come.

Happy Haunting from the Dapper Cadaver

haunt combo 2, originally uploaded by Boju.

Before I started doing film props, I was doing Haunted Houses and carnivals. They're my first love, and I've learned a lot of tricks for decorating a great Halloween party or Haunt.

13 Tips for Decorating a Haunted House

1. Figure out your budget. I get a lot of people who think they can set up a haunted house for a few hundred dollars. A haunted house is an interactive environment. You can decorate a Halloween party for a few hundred no sweat, but for a haunt you absolutely need props, actors, lighting, and gimmicks. If you don't have the budget for a a haunted house, but you want more than just a Halloween party, consider the following - A. a Tunnel of Terror: in attraction in which a small part of a larger party or event is transformed into a haunted tunnel. B. A Sideshow- set up at your Halloween party spaces for an exhibition of oddities with a host, a magician/ card trick table, a fortune teller, seance, and any other unusual performers you might want. If it's an adult party, sideshows performances can include belly dancers or burlesque dancers as well. Also, renting haunted house props and decor is a great way to cut costs by 50% to 90% and insuring that each year will be completely different.

2. Take a Photo - It'll last longer. You'll need a photo op, someplace well lit where photography is encouraged (a lot of haunts are too dark or discourage photography). Preferably the photo op should be clearly pointed out and feature your name, like "Teresa's Torture Chamber- Halloween 2008." A souvenir like that gets shown to friends, posted on the internet, and serves as a reminder in coming years of your haunt. That's great promotion. Popular photo ops include anything the guests can get into, like caskets, electric chairs, stocks, open graves, hearses, etc. Other great photo ops are giant monsters, celebrities, or famous stand ups that guests can pose near.

3. Give them something to talk about. Your haunt needs just one thing that really wows people to become legend, and the best haunt in town.

4.Flow - if your haunt is an attraction, people need to be able to understand where to go next. Try to avoid having guests enter a room and leave through the same door. A good haunt runs like a good carnival dark ride, with guests moving steadily along, visiting each diorama-like scene enjoying the thrills and moving on to the next one.

5. Lighting - randomly flickering lights are the best. I use plasma lamps, flicker boxes or battery powered candles. Strobe lights are migraine inducing and should be used sparingly, only where disorientation, a blow off, or stop motion effect is essential. Randomly flickering lights provide atmosphere, illuminate the area of interest, and prevent the guests eyes from adjusting to the darkness. Light and darkness is key to a haunt.

6. Go with the strengths of your space. If your building is old, go gothic or killer hillbilly. If its modern try mad science or serial killer.

7. Use actors. Make sure they're outgoing but know where to stop (screaming kids good, crying kids bad). Also make sure they can take a punch. People can react without thinking when spooked. Actors transform Halloween decorations into an attraction. Arm them with safety weapons like a chainsaw without a chain or realistic soft foam axes.

8. Stay away from animatronics unless your a geek or a gear head. You know if you are. If you have a hard time hooking up your computer to your printer, get someone technical to run the vortex tunnel and synchronize the robots. Also, tech is expensive, and haunts are dark, chaotic, and sometimes wet places. You'll need to be able to repair things on the spot or be left with a 3K paperweight.

9. Don't neglect the details. Things like cobwebs, drapery, bloody plastic, and chains can inexpensively help set a scene. Also set a few surprises just beyond the normal obvious spot of interest. It's always great when people see different things in a haunt (and it encourages repeat trips). Also subtle "is it or isn't it part of the show" kind of things can be very unnerving.

10. Mix distraction and surprises. Gather peoples attention on one large piece that seams to be about to do something. While everyone is watching in anticipation, hit them from the side with a totally unexpected gag. I've done this trick in a spooky doll room where while a giant doll rises and begins to lurch towards the guests, previously unseen doll people swoop in from the sides.

11. Theme is important. It's great if you can tie everything together along a common thread.

12. Decorate your food area too. If you have a bar with bottles on display, mix specimen jars between them. Get a brain jello mold and make salmon pate in it to really look like brains. The Dapper Cadaver edible stage blood is actually a delicious butterscotch flavor, so try mixing it into your drinks or over deserts. Pour it over ice cream for what I call a Sundae Bloody Sundae. Add red food coloring to drinks at the blood bar.

13. Go big. If you're doing a graveyard, remember headstones are at least 4" thick and average between 2 and 4 feet tall, with monuments as big as 12 feet. Caskets are 80" long, and cages should be large enough to fit a person in. A lot of Halloween stores sell scaled down merchandise to cut cost. If something looks too small to be real, it's not going to read as anything but party decor.


Thats 13 Spooky tips for putting together a Haunted House, and keep checking the blog, as there will be plenty more helpful tips coming up.

4 ft chupacabra 2, originally uploaded by Boju.

As part of the Dapper Cadaver Blog's Monster Mondays project today I bring you another cryptid on the brink of being real - The Chupacabra, or in Spanish, El Chupacabra.

The Chupcabra has only been with us a little over 10 years, being named in Puerto Rico in 1995. It was described as a reptilian or alien looking bipedal creature with huge eyes, a round head, and spikes down it's back. But the Puerto Rican Chupe bears little resemblance to the globe trotting hairless vampire dog thats been seen from Chile to Maine, and even Russia. Our Chupe haunts mostly Mexico and Texas, where its occasionally described as a hairless kangaroo-dog with spikes down it's back, or just an ugly wrinkled hairless dog, with a huge muzzle, and saber-like fangs. They can travel by running or hopping. I wonder if the hopping may be due to injury or disease? From the Russian Chupacabra of 2006 "“It’s definitely a chupacabra! It has small front and large hind paws. To begin with the animal was walking on four legs, stood on its hind legs at the water, lifting up its long tail, and then started jumping like a kangaroo,” he says. In May Dmitry is determined to seek out the Russian chupacabra along with colleagues from the Ural Ufology Monitoring Station."

In Texas multiple corpses have been recovered, centered around Cuero Texas, and most recently a video of a Chupe running down the street looking a lot like a mexican hairless. DNA evidence shows it to be closely related to, or a diseased, domestic dog or coyote.

If we drop the name Chupacabra from this tale, which is a completely different looking Puerto Rican monster that also sucks the blood of livestock, then the story gets older, and more interesting. The earliest "Chupacabra" attack I could find is in England nearly 200 years ago.
It goes something like this - "In the month of May, 1810, something appeared at Ennerdale, near the border of England and Scotland, and killed sheep, not devouring them, sometimes seven or eight of them in a night, but biting into the jugular vein and sucking the blood....Upon the 12th of September, someone saw a dog in a cornfield, and shot it. It is said that this dog was the marauder, and that with its death the killing of sheep stopped" -Charles Fort

Charles Fort then recounts of another Vampire Dog attack in Ireland in 1847, likening them to vampire bats, but finding it difficult to believe dogs can be vampires. As with the Chupacabra, the livestock was killed and drained of blood, but the body left in tact. When giant canine tracks were discovered near the kill sites, locals began shooting stray dogs on sight. During this wave of attacks several people were attacked an bitten by the vampire dogs, and suffered strange symptoms and madness.

For the next 200 years, vampire dog attacks have sporadically appeared. Like today's Chupacabra attacks, the vampire dog attacks come in waves. They're devastating at the time, often taking dozens of livestock and whipping people into a panic, but the soon halt. Whatever is going on, it's clear we're not dealing with a species that feeds on blood to survive generation after generation. Could we be dealing with a mutant? A disease? A madness? Malnutrition? The Supernatural? Could something be driving otherwise normal canines to become vampires?

Here's one of the Texas Chupe specimens. It's DNA showed it was mostly likely a coyote, but the muzzle is much thicker and the Canines are much longer. While mange may explain hair loss, something else would need to explain the changes to this "coyotes" teeth and snout.

bigfoot_wideweb__470x379,0, originally uploaded by Boju.

Another special report from Dapper Cadaver's Monster Monday Blog. A couple of hunters are claiming to have found the body of a bigfoot in the backwoods of Georgia, USA. Good, lets see the body. They'll announce their findings this Friday in Palo Alto, CA, including DNA evidence, and I should hope, the body itself. So far all that's been released is the above photo.

The claims and the evidence for Bigfoot.
1. The Photo- photos are not proof. Plain and simple. The above photo could be fake, or it could be real, and unless you can spot something absolute like a zipper, there's not much we can say about it. Props and costumes are designed to look real, so there's not reason it can't be a fake. Also, real things can easily appear fake in photographs, like the below gorilla corpse


2. DNA - Seems fool proof, but even this is going to be a tricky sell. Quick DNA tests are used to determine what something is NOT, so they're compared against known samples. Since bigfoot is an unknown sample, they'll need to sequence a lot of DNA to show that this is a new species. For comparison, the Chupacabra specimens that were found showed a 98% match with Coyotes, leading experts to conclude they were coyotes. While 98% sounds like a lot, remember that Humans share 98% of the genome of a chimpanzee. even 2% is talking about hundreds of thousands of different genes. Enough to establish a species.

3. The body. This is the only thing that counts. We need to see bones. We need to see stomach contents. We need to know this is a beast physically different from other apes and humans, and by it's stomach determine that it did in fact live in Georgia.

4. The finders - these guys are known bigfoot hunters, and known bigfoot haoxsters. One of them has a book coming out soon, so this could all be free publicity. It's already been revealed that the "Scientist" in their you tube video was a fraud. Sure, they spend a lot of time looking for bigfoot, but they also have falsely claimed to have evidence before.

That's pretty much everything to keep in mind. Many a bigfoot has been seen in the south east, and a friend of mine from Louisiana is the only person I know who swears to have seen one. His description of a 7 foot reddish brown ape with 4-5" inch shaggy fur, a black face, and a beard quite accurately matches the beast found. And he saw his more than 20 years ago. I myself doubted the existence of bigfoot until a few years ago. Any creature that large, whether alive or extinct, should have left bones, and up until a few years ago, no ape or human skeleton taller than modern man had ever been found. Even neanderthals, who are larger than us in many ways, are roughly the same height as us. Then they found the jawbones of Gigantopithecus, a 7 - 10 ft tall ape that lived a hundred thousand years ago in China. Now bigfoot has a plausible descent. Unlike modern apes and humans that eat fruits, vegetables, meat, and tender leafs, Giganto evolved to eat tough plants, like bamboo, grass, mature leaves, and pine needles. It's entirely likely this beast could survive in the southern swamps and northern woods. And as similar as it is in diet to the Panda, it could be similar too in it's elusive behavior. The Panda was not proven to exist until the 1927.
Here's a reconstruction of what Giganto was thought to look like

monster of troy, originally uploaded by Boju.

First off, I'd like to thank everyone who contributed to the Montauk Monster identification last week. High resolution photos were finally released, clearly showing raccoon paws. Congratulations if you correctly IDed the beast as a raccoon.

The response was incredible, and several new and plausible theories were brought forward, so this week, the Dapper Cadaver Blog would like to invite you to help unravel one of the most ancient monster mysteries in history - The Monster of Troy. Depicted on a Greek vase circa 560-540 BC, a huge, ghastly skull is seen emerging from a cliff as the heroes shot it with arrows. Its unusual in that most monsters of the Greeks are shown alive, enacting myths. This may be an actual record of a monster skull, a fossil skull, be unearthed, and I believe in good enough detail to positively ID the beast.

Important to note is that the Monster of Troy is sometimes described as a land monster, and sometimes as a sea monster, so we can't rule either out. It's known that the Greeks unearthed many ice age mammal skeletons, but the open boney ring around the eye, called scleral ossicles are only found in birds, dinosaurs, and reptiles, and the open sinus in front of the eye suggests a dinosaur or bird.

Paleontologists have suggested some of the following possibilities
Prehistoric Giraffes

Giraffes do have forward facing teeth and thick jaw bones. However, they don't have open sinuses or scleral ossicles, and they do have horns, which a monster artist would have included.

A Giant Ostrich

Aside from the scleral ossicles, which are so delicate they're rarely preserved, I don't see how anyone could mistake an ostrich for the monster of Troy.

A Prehistoric Whale

This is a pretty good sea monster. It's huge, has forward facing teeth, and an open sinus. However, no scleral ossicles because no mammal has the bony eye ring.

That's all I could find on expert opinions. Here are some beasts I dug up as candidates. Remember, the bony ring around the eyes, the scleral ossicles, are rarely preserved, but are believed to be present in all dinosaurs.

Diplodocus (dinosaur)


Carnivorous Dinosaur


Plesiosaur (marine reptile)


Mososaur (marine reptile)


Hippo Skull (mammal)


Entelodont skull (mammal)

- Elisha Cook Jr. And Octopus by JSD ART, originally uploaded by Elisha Cook Jr..

This photo really brings out the kind of wry wisdom of it's subject, who wears his head octopus like a wreath of laurel.

montauk monster 1, originally uploaded by Boju.

Special Weekend report from Dapper Cadaver's Monster Mondays
Early last week a hairless beast, roughly 3 feet long washed up on Montauk beach near Long Island. It was named the Montauk Monster. Multiple witnesses at various times during the day reported it, and several people photographed it. However, before the body could be analyzed, one of the locals scooped it up declaring they were going to mount it on their wall. This leaving no body, an unsolved mystery, and an internet sensation.

Here's what we know. The beast is about 3 feet long, nearly hairless, with what appears to be a beak lined with teeth in the lower jaw. It has a tail, no obvious injuries, and apparently finger like claws. Two photographs show the creature at different times of day, and in different positions. Locals reported the waves were rolling it. Here's the second photo, although they may be of different beasts.

If this is the same beast, it's important to note it has a nasal opening and ears, like a mammal. The change in color is baffling though.

Several theories have surfaced as to what the Montauk Monster is. I'll examine them from an anatomical perspective one by one.

1. It's a sea turtle that's lost it's shell
Evidence for: It's about the size of a sea turtle, it has a beak.
Evidence against: It has hair, ears, and teeth. It's elbows point back, while a reptiles elbows point up. Also, a turtles shell contains it's spine and ribs. It can't simply fall out, and if it was ripped out, its back would be a bloody shapeless mess.

My Opinion: It's definitely not a sea turtle

2. It's a raccoon
Evidence for: It's about the size of a raccoon. The beak is probably exposed skull (not unusual) The lower jaw dentation match the dentation of a raccoon. Both the monster and raccoons have finger.
Evidence against: Raccoon paws are actually more like human or monkey hands, these hands appear straight , square, and thumbless, and if you look closely, he's flipping you off. Nearly all carnivores have similar lower jaws. No upper teeth. Most importantly his neck is thicker than his head, indicating he couldn't look all the way to the side (90'). Raccoons have slim, flexible necks. For comparison, here's a raccoon skull, and a raccoon taxidermy form showing what they look like beneath their fur.




My opinion: It's not a raccoon

3. It's a pit bull
Evidence for: size and shape, lower jaw. Thick neck.
Evidence against: No upper teeth, and most importantly, the hands of the Montauk Monster appear finger/claw-like, not paw/pad-like.
My opinion: It's not a pit bull.

4. It's a fake
Evidence for: cynicism, monsters are hot right now.
Evidence against: So many unconnected witnesses, it would have to be quite a conspiracy, with a great prop building budget, and for no obvious gain.
My opinon: It's not a fake.

My theory- it's a badger
Evidence for: Badgers have matching lower dentation, thick necks, and straight claw like fingers. They also do have tails, although they're hard to see when the badger has fur. Also, most mammals have skin pigmentation that in some way correlates with their fur cover. The white haunches and paws of this creature match the white underbelly of a badger.
Evidence against: Badgers aren't supposed to live in the North East.
Badger with fur, showing tail


Badger skull

Furless body form used for badger taxidermy, not the similarities to the monster



5. It's an unknown creature.
Evidence for: There is no perfect match between the Montauk Monster and any known North Eastern carnivores.

thales_ulufeke, originally uploaded by montyy0.

This is one of the most primal of all images, that of man rising from the gray sea with an octopus on his head. No wonder it has been created and recreated over and over again in every age of our octopus topped collective unconscious.

From Octopus On Yo Head photo group, created by Dapper Cadaver

monster4, originally uploaded by Boju.

As part of the Dapper Cadaver Blog's Monster Monday's project, today i bring you a sea creature from land locked Montana, The Flathead Lake Monster.

The fat and skinny of this beast is a 20-40 foot long creature variously described as a serpent, a fish, a whale, a dragon, and a pleisiosaur (aka Nessie).

It was first seen in 1889 and inhabits Flathead Lake in Montana, the largest lake west of the Mississippi. Since then it has been seen well over 80 reported times. The people of the area keep diligent records on it. It's been three years to this very day since the last sighting, July 28th, 2005.

A moment on the pleisiosaur phenomenon - the fossil record has yielded no evidence of any fresh water pleisiosaurs ever. However, nearly all lake monster are described as pleisiosaurs. What makes the pleisiosaur so special, so iconic, that it has burned itself into our collective unconscious as "The Sea Monster" is, I believe, a matter of timing. The pleisiosaur is the first "dinosaur" (technically marine reptile) ever discovered. It's unveiling marked the first time post enlightenment man was confronted with undeniable evidence that here there be dragons. We're so used to the idea of dinoasurs and giants in the distant past that we cannot begin to understand the impact the first one had on our consciousness, especially in 1824, at a time when science and rationalism explicitly made it a mission of dispelling myth and superstition. Since then, all sea monsters look like pleisiosaurs some of the time.

Aside from the normal lake monster stuff- sightings by fishermen, campers, and motorists; no attacks, no photos, and no evidence- The Flathead Lake Monster has a remarkable talent for branding. It's the only Lake Monster I'm aware of that's both Registered and incorporated It also has it's own brand of soda, which is very sweet, quite a bargain, and not very good monster bait.

Cthulhu's Formal Portrait, originally uploaded by yellow_melusine.

This is an excellent example of early 1900's Ocotpus on Yo Head Daguerreotypes. Typical of the time, both the subject and the octopus on his head are posed unsmiling, to suggest nobility.

ebugogo2, originally uploaded by Boju.

When Captain Cook first landed on the Isle of Flores and brought the island to attention of the Western world, the natives told him they were not alone.

They said the island was also inhabited by little people calle Ebu Gogo or Ebu Gobo.

Later anthroplogists gathered more stories of the Ebu Gogo. Ebu means grandmother, and while Gogo or Gobo has no direct translation, it roughly means little grandmother who eats everything. Unlike the little people of Ireland and elsewhere, the Ebu Gogo had no magical powers. The natives considered them at best a pest, and a worst a dangerous boogie man that would eat children. They were only a few feet tall, with large arms and other monkey like traits, but not quite monkeys, and not quite people. They spoke their own language and wore clothing.

The natives tell their children not to wander in the woods or the Ebu Gogo will eat them.



The natives also say how the last Ebu Gogo died.

The Ebu Gogo had become an increasing nuisance in the village, stealing crops and livestock and damaging property. The villages wanted to make peace with them, so they invited them to a festival. A great bonfire was lit, and though the Ebu Gogo seemed to fear the fire, they all sat around it, human and little person alike. Then the foods were served. The Ebu Gogo did not know how to use plates or silverware, and through their utensils to the ground, which was a great insult to their hosts. They then ate everything, their share and the villagers share alike. One Ebu Gogo grabbed a human baby, and began eating that. At once the Ebu Gogo were chased out of town, where they holed up in a cave. The humans did not want to go in the cave, for they might be trapped, so they came up with a plan.

The next day they came to the mouth of the cave and told the Ebu Gogo that they wanted to make peace again, and they brough new clothes as a peace offering. With long bamboo poles they pushed in the clothing, which the Ebu Gogo began putting on. The clothes however were soaked in the natives lighter fluid type oil, and when all the Ebu Gogo were dressed the human burned the bamboo poles and lit all the Ebu Gogo on fire, burning them alive.

Up until 2 years ago the stories were considered to be about fantastical fairies, or monkeys, even though the natives insisted they were people.

Then a skull turned up in a cave belonging to a human less then 3 feet tall with a brain no bigger than a chimpanzee. Even dwarfs of similar stature only have brains about 15% smaller than a full size person, but this person had a brain nearly half our size. At first the evidence seemed to support it being a freak, a microcephalic individual, but then more bones turned up. In all 9 tiny individuals have been unearthed, stretching a time span of thousands of years. The youngest specimen dates back merely 12,000 years at a time when humans were thought to be the lone hominid on earth, and we had already begun agriculture.

The bones have been named Flores Man, and nicknamed the Hobbit.
They seem to be descendant from Homo Erectus.

Octo-love, originally uploaded by Tasseomancy.

A moody atmospheric piece, composed in octopus-inky darkness. One is compelled to wonder what she's contemplating, and why she has an octopus on her head.

from the Octopus on Yo Head group created by BJ Winslow

hearse 8, originally uploaded by Boju.

Dapper Cadaver is currently looking to expand it's fleet of rental hearses and hearse drivers available for film, television, and Halloween purposes.

If you have a working hearse you'd like to make available, and have a valid drivers license and insurance, email me to set up an interview.

BJ@dappercadaver.com

Beyond the Beyond, originally uploaded by Chephoto.

Octopus on Yo Head