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Im updating... [Mon, Jan 24th, 2005 || 4:48pm ] [ mood | angry ] [ music | silence ] The reason why i dont update sometimes is because i dont have the time or the patience. Also becausae i literally have nothing to right about. I have nothing on the top of my head right now. I am not kidding. I am going to leave it at this for now so why dont you post comments and give me a few topics. Anything, anything at all... Goodbye for now... 4 gun shots heard · Decapatations

Guess whos back... Back Again... [Thu, Jan 20th, 2005 || 3:03am ] [ mood | determined ] [ music | Little Wing- Stevie Ray Vaughn ] I am reviving this LJ so tell a friend... LOL. Anyways, i swear i am a changed man this time. Believe me. Decapatations

<3 [Wed, Jan 21st, 2004 || 7:03pm ] [ mood | content ] [ music | I've got the world on a string- steve lawrence ] Can we slow dance to this on a mountain top overlooking a beautiful lit city? Say yes. Say you'll swoon me, whisper. Like in the old days when kids use to go up there and do "nothing" at all. ♥ Dais I've Got the World On a String I've got the world on a string I'm sitting on a rainbow Got the string around my finger What a world, what a life - I'm in love I've got a song that I sing I can make the rain go Any time I move my finger Lucky me, can't you see - I'm in love Life's a wonderful thing As long as I hold the string I'd be a silly so-and-so If I should ever let her go

[Fri, Dec 19th, 2003 || 8:38pm ] [ mood | excited ] [ music | I could be listening to BTBAM...but NooOOoo! ] You are Cyclops! You are attractive and strong, in a boy scout republican sort of way. You are set firm in your beliefs, which is not necessarily a bad thing. But often when faced with a conflicting opinion you become defensive and angry and prone to conflict. You like to be a leader, but you must acknowledge that there are some situations which others are better fit to deal with than yourself. Which X-Men character are you most like? brought to you by Quizilla 2 gun shots heard · Decapatations

I just flew in from the PTW show... [Tue, Dec 9th, 2003 || 12:49am ] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | Nothing ] ...and boy are my arms tired! I had a fun time at the show tonight! The bands that played were The Bronx, Every Time I Die, and Poison the Well. I want to start off by talking about the opening band, The Bronx. I usually am to much of a wet vagina to speak my mind and flat out insult bands, but this time i am going to dry off my vagina and pull out my penis. This band sucked. The best part of their set, besides when the singer said, "this is our last song," was the first ten seconds of their set. It started off heavy and moderatley fast and the singer had a nice crisp screaming voice. When the second song started i first thought that they were repeating their first song for some reason. I then realized that they were just a boring, repetative, punkish band with screaming. The drumbeat never slowed down or sped up. It was as if they used a drum machine and only had time to record one drum track before the show and thought that if they repeated it no one would notcie. I did fellas. They had a few fans which was interesting. Mayb e if their fans took the earplugs out of their ears they would realized how much they sucked. Boo The Bronx. BOO! Instead of writing multiple paragraphs about ETID and PTW i will do something a little different. I am going list different aspects and say which band was better in this area. Whoever comes out with the most points in the end, wins for the overall best band of the night. Best Intro: ETID ETID tuned and leveled then left the stage. A few minutes later the theme from Monday Night Football came on. Then ETID came on stage. I found this pretty funny and no one has used that intro before. PTW tuned and leveled and then started. Although they were being professional and not showing off, i always love an interesting intro. Go ETID! Best Sound: PTW PTW sounded very heavy and the guitars were just like i like them heavy and crunchy. ETID had a little too much treble in the guitars and the breakdowns were cool but sometimes the CD would sound heavier. Best stage performance: ETID The guitar players in ETID were all over the place and the head banging in unison was fantasmic! The big brute of a guitar player was fun to watch. He is so metal. The lead singer wasnt to into it because i think he was sick, but he still interacted with the crowd alot. PTW was good but not as good as ETID. The singer mainly walked back and forth and the guitar plays stood there and head banged slightly. DOnt get me wrong they were still fun to watch but i think the songs stood out more than their stage presence. Best performance in between songs: PTW ETID's lead singer tends to crack jokes in between songs. I think he is funny and i like his sense of humor. I picked PTW because they were very polite and knew that they shouldnt waste time because it was getting late. The singer would occaisionally say thank you in a very polite and soft voice. They seemed like a really nice bunch of guys whereas ETID just used that time as a pathetic attempt to get laughs. They succeeded LOL! Best crowd reaction: PTW This is obvious because PTW was the headliner. But the two bands were very close in this. I would have to give it to PTW though because they seemed to move the crowd more. The ETID singer was better at interacting with the crowd. Best Set list: ETID This is a cheap one only because i knew every single song that ETID played like the back of my hand. The played all the songs i wanted them to play except one...bastards. I havent beeen keeping up with PTW so i didnt know all of the songs. I knew botchla and the ones off of Opposite Of December. Best overall performance: PTW They sounded better. The singing was crisper and the were on time and nearly flawless except for a few tech problems. ETID seemed like they werent totally in the game. The singer had trouble probably because he was sick and the drummer missed a few beats, nothing too noticeable. The guitars seemed a little off sometimes too. They were still awesome. With a score of 4 to 3 PTW is our winner. This is tough to say because i am a much bigger fan of ETID. My hat goes off to PTW though. Despite their recent descent* they still manage to keep old fans coming back for more. The showed me tonight that they are mature musicians and enjoy what they are doing very much. Oh and one more thing PTW, go back to trustkill, they miss you. Thats all for tonight. Goodnight. *-ask me what i mean by descent and i will give as much information as i can. 1 gun shots heard · Decapatations

Freedom. [Fri, Dec 5th, 2003 || 3:33pm ] [ mood | good ] [ music | The Bled-Red Wedding (it has an unforgettable breakdown) ] As we all may have noticed over the past few years, society is trying to tighten its grip on us all. There are things we can't say or can't do in fear of offending someone. I am bringing this up because in my English class today we discussed this. I thought it was an interesting subject and felt like expanding on LJ. My teahcer gave us an example of how children these days should be raised by their biological parents from an early age. The opposition being either a dual income or single mother who has to work and places their child in a darcare center. Studies have shown that the children learn alot from an early age and should be cared for by the biological parents in order for that child to grow correctly. Of course, this would mean the mother would have to quit working for that time period. now try saying this to an audatorium filled with people. Feminists may argue that men are trying to put them back into the kitchen "where they belong." This is just one example of our fleeting freedom as Americans. There ways today we are not supposed to think. My teacher the concluded by telling us to think for ourselves. This meant alot to me and i felt what she was saying is very important. Being creative in your own way and doing what you want to do in life is one of the, if not the most important aspects of living. We were all created uniquely, so why cant we think what we want to think? I encourage you all to think for yourselves and not to be held back by the road blocks society puts in fron of you. I am almost positive i am preaching to the choir here so i am going to go ahead and wrap it up. I dont mean to preach i am just giving you my thoughts. Take care everyone. You are the best at being you. Burrrrrrrrrito time! 2 gun shots heard · Decapatations

Upcoming Events. [Wed, Dec 3rd, 2003 || 10:06pm ] [ mood | frustrated ] [ music | Shevanel Cut a Flip (BTBAM Self Titled if you dont know) ] I am really glad to announce that i will be seeing Children Of Bodom! The show is this coming Friday! The only problem is that it is so expensive. It is 20 dollars just to get in the doors! Plus, if i feel the need to purchase merchandise, that will be another 20-25 dollars. Of course, spending all of that money is silly so i probably wont be buying anything besides access. My friends no how it expensive it is to see swedish metal bands. Remember In Flames? Long lines filled with a mixture of pure metal heads and some hardcore kids. Then there are those who barely know anything about the metal genres and are just tagging along because they know one or two COB songs. My God! Pathetic! My friends also know how metal shows are. No one does anything. Literally. I mean, the least they do is jump up and down. It doesnt really matter though because i dont do anything either. I am proud to say that i experience shows in my own way. Darren knows what i am talking about (i wish i saved the chat). I really dont care though. I am sure this show will be fun. COB has some of the coolest guitar licks known to metal. They are really fun to listen to and seeing them live might be a step up. I may also see Every Time I Die and Poison The Well on Monday. This will depend on whether or not the COB show drained me of cash. *sigh* Oh well, we'll see how it goes down. Until nex time, leave me the fuck alone!! Tah. : ) 1 gun shots heard · Decapatations

My turn... [Sun, Nov 30th, 2003 || 10:49pm ] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | BTBAM-Mordecai ] I am back. My hair is short...for the time being. It is finally short enough where i can wear hats. Imonna wear hats now. Billed hats only, none of those beige beanie dealies with the ear flaps. I am stepping into hat-dom, and i will tip my hat to no one...because i am a cocksucker, duckfucker like that. I have nothing to write about so buh bye fellow LJ-addictees! 1 gun shots heard · Decapatations

Coffee is in my veins... [Sat, Nov 22nd, 2003 || 7:24pm ] [ mood | enraged ] [ music | Blood Has Been Shed (the heaviest band) ] ...my blood is black... I am just writing to see how everyone is doing. Oh, and while i am at it i might as well do a shameless promo. Their is a band know as "the heaviest band." They are one of my favorites because when i listen to the CD i still get goosebumps. It is just slow, brutal, loud, bassy metal that makes you want to put holes in your wall. The name of the band is Blood Has Been Shed and the CD i reccomend is Novela of Uriel. The singing also adds a little extra to the feeling of rage. Very real sounding. It is raw. Check them out you will not be dissappointed. Decapatations

Random post... [Fri, Nov 21st, 2003 || 7:29pm ] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | AFI-Sing the Sorrow ] ...what do you expect, its a Friday night... About a day or two ago my dear friend Hector put most of his trust in me to review his research paper that happened to be due three hours from the moment he sent it to me. Of course, he was smart enough to send it to my friend Darren as well. Sometimes you can never be too sure. Anyway, Darren, with his vast knowlegde of english grammar ( and that is no hyperbole) asked me some technical questions. The result was this subtely hilarious conversation between the two of us. It reads as follows: (For those of you who are unaware i am Allthetimesidied and Darren is SetDarrenAblaze. Enjoy!) AllTheTimesIDied (8:05:07 PM): what are you editing SetDarrenAblaze (8:08:08 PM): i'm still on the first paragraph SetDarrenAblaze (8:08:14 PM): i've been editing that AllTheTimesIDied (8:08:53 PM): yea SetDarrenAblaze (8:09:52 PM): so wait SetDarrenAblaze (8:09:57 PM): are you doing dead verbs or not? SetDarrenAblaze (8:10:01 PM): are we doign dead verbs? SetDarrenAblaze (8:10:12 PM): or is his teacher not anal about that kind of shit AllTheTimesIDied (8:10:28 PM): i dont think AllTheTimesIDied (8:10:45 PM): maybe if he changes the tense of the verb in the same paragraph or sentence SetDarrenAblaze (8:11:01 PM): lol do you know what dead verbs are? SetDarrenAblaze (8:11:06 PM): i wasn't talk abotu tense SetDarrenAblaze (8:11:07 PM): lol AllTheTimesIDied (8:11:20 PM): i know AllTheTimesIDied (8:11:26 PM): but thats a problem also AllTheTimesIDied (8:11:51 PM): "i was at the store, and i buy a box of crayons" AllTheTimesIDied (8:12:02 PM): well thats nota good example SetDarrenAblaze (8:12:53 PM): i know that's a problem, and verb tense applies to the entire paper SetDarrenAblaze (8:13:00 PM): keeping it proper tense SetDarrenAblaze (8:13:07 PM): i was askign abotu dead everbs though AllTheTimesIDied (8:13:22 PM): ok AllTheTimesIDied (8:13:26 PM): have you found any SetDarrenAblaze (8:13:31 PM): yea AllTheTimesIDied (8:13:35 PM): show me SetDarrenAblaze (8:13:38 PM): lol AllTheTimesIDied (8:13:41 PM): copy paste SetDarrenAblaze (8:13:46 PM): you don't know what dead verbs are SetDarrenAblaze (8:13:47 PM): do you AllTheTimesIDied (8:13:53 PM): im not answering that lol AllTheTimesIDied (8:13:54 PM): show me AllTheTimesIDied (8:13:56 PM): lol SetDarrenAblaze (8:13:58 PM): "Around 18% of the number of abortions are made up of teenage girls living in the U.S. " AllTheTimesIDied (8:14:00 PM): i probably do AllTheTimesIDied (8:15:09 PM): i see SetDarrenAblaze (8:15:14 PM): what do you see AllTheTimesIDied (8:15:19 PM): ok SetDarrenAblaze (8:15:19 PM): under line the dead verb eric AllTheTimesIDied (8:15:20 PM): fine SetDarrenAblaze (8:15:20 PM): lol AllTheTimesIDied (8:15:27 PM): just show me SetDarrenAblaze (8:15:30 PM): i did SetDarrenAblaze (8:15:33 PM): i copied and pasted AllTheTimesIDied (8:15:35 PM): ive nevr heard that term SetDarrenAblaze (8:15:35 PM): n/m AllTheTimesIDied (8:15:37 PM): no AllTheTimesIDied (8:15:44 PM): show me the dead verb SetDarrenAblaze (8:15:50 PM): lol no SetDarrenAblaze (8:15:57 PM): you're so stubborn sometimes SetDarrenAblaze (8:16:02 PM): couldn't just say you didn't know what it was SetDarrenAblaze (8:16:08 PM): always have to be so proud in yourself SetDarrenAblaze (8:16:10 PM): sheesh AllTheTimesIDied (8:16:21 PM): no AllTheTimesIDied (8:16:26 PM): i thought i knew AllTheTimesIDied (8:16:33 PM): i just havent heard the term AllTheTimesIDied (8:16:36 PM): sorry AllTheTimesIDied (8:16:42 PM): that was pretty stubborn AllTheTimesIDied (8:16:44 PM): lol AllTheTimesIDied (8:16:53 PM): may i have your help with the dead verbs then AllTheTimesIDied (8:17:19 PM): you know our convo is very funny AllTheTimesIDied (8:17:23 PM): man i am lol SetDarrenAblaze (8:18:04 PM): it's a verb that contributes no meaning to a sentence SetDarrenAblaze (8:18:11 PM): it's basically an easy way out SetDarrenAblaze (8:18:14 PM): in our writing AllTheTimesIDied (8:18:14 PM): oh SetDarrenAblaze (8:18:17 PM): which we do naturally AllTheTimesIDied (8:18:24 PM): which one was the verb AllTheTimesIDied (8:18:25 PM): hold on SetDarrenAblaze (8:18:32 PM): I usualyl jsut write a paper then edit them out later SetDarrenAblaze (8:18:42 PM): give you another example SetDarrenAblaze (8:18:52 PM): "A huge problem with this is that a young girl is most likely not to follow the doctors medical orders to take certain antibiotics on a regular basis as an older woman would responsibly." AllTheTimesIDied (8:19:18 PM): i dont see the underline if you underlined it SetDarrenAblaze (8:19:24 PM): i didn't AllTheTimesIDied (8:19:28 PM): oh ok SetDarrenAblaze (8:19:30 PM): you point it out AllTheTimesIDied (8:19:36 PM): hold on SetDarrenAblaze (8:19:37 PM): i just told you what a dead verb is AllTheTimesIDied (8:19:42 PM): yes you did AllTheTimesIDied (8:19:47 PM): i must use my brain now - And thanks to Darren i now know what a dead verb is. : ) Contrary to popular demand i will forgoe todays german lesson. Tah Tah. 2 gun shots heard · Decapatations

No Subject Needed... [Fri, Nov 21st, 2003 || 5:10am ] [ mood | awake ] [ music | My roomate is silently snoring. ] ...If you really need a subject, just make one up... It has been a little while since i last updated. Not much has happened. I have just been moving along...slowly. I hate to admit it but i really have nothing to write about. Will anyone give me ideas? Anyone? I just had an idea. I know just a little bit of german. I took it for four years, and i didnt learn much. The next series of journal entries (i dont know how long it will go on) will have a short lesson on german. I will teach you words or give you grammar tips...in german of course. These lessons will be posted regardless of the journal subject. They will be located towards the bottom of the journal entry. And to make sure you read my whole entry i will be posting hidden tips throughout the journal. This tips may appear anywhere. Enough with the disclaimer, let us begin the first lesson: DEUTSCH(German) *_* -indicates pronunciation. Personal Pronouns: I-ich *ish* You(sing.)-du *do* He-er *air* She-sie *zee* It-es *s* Verb Lesson: To be: Sein (present tense) Ich bin(I am) *ish been* Du bist(You are) Er,sie,es ist(he,she,it is) Sentence: Ich bin gross! (I am tall.) Guten Tag! (lit. Good Day) 4 gun shots heard · Decapatations

[Tue, Nov 18th, 2003 || 9:02pm ] [ mood | tired ] This is I. Finally. Haven't cut my hair since Ieft from California. Booyah! ( Read more... ) 16 gun shots heard · Decapatations

[Sat, Nov 15th, 2003 || 4:49am ] [ mood | Nothing ] [ music | Nothing ] I was standing outside this morrning. It was dark because it was about 4 in the morning. Everything at that moment seemed to fit. The wind and a distant clanging of a chain against a metal pole made music. Atop a tower straight ahead of me was a blink red light. It was cold, but ifelt warm. I wanted to realize everything. It was the perfect time. I wanted to realize existence in this perfectly serene setting. The wind still blew and the chain still clanged against the unknown pole. I knew it was a pole. I then heard a hum. This hum suck deep into my subconscience. I knew it was there but i did not focus on it. It was the hum of traffic. As i spoke to myself i saw my breath with every word. I was speaking to God. At that very moment i realized everything. I realized that God did exist. My whole body began to tingle and tears swelled in my eyes. I felt beautiful. I knew that no matter what God is always standing beside me. I saw Him. Not his face and he was not personifyed. He was everything. Every light that blinked, every tree that swayed, every leaf that danced across the ground. He was there. He is always there. I was not afraid. God does exist. All of our religions on this earth tie into one thing, wonder. Wonder about why we are here or what does this all mean. There has to be an all powerful being. I am beginning to think that religion doesnt matter. God is what matters and we He blesses us with His presence at every waking moment. I also realized my calling. My calling is to wonder. I want to express myself, i want to share my thoughts with the world. Whether this is through music or through writing, i want to be heard. Not for fame or for fortune, but for myself. I want to understand everything. I will never understand everything. This entry is nothing but meaningless babble. I know my words do not mean anything but my experiences do. I love humanity. I love reality. I love. Goodbye. 5 gun shots heard · Decapatations

Taking it to the next level, bizzlesnitch... [Fri, Nov 14th, 2003 || 7:34pm ] [ mood | hyper ] [ music | Cryptopsy! ] ...jizz-bag... It is a Friday night and i am sitting here in my dorm room drinking cup after cup of coffee and listening to Cryptopsy. I dont think i will be doing anything at all tonight. Maybe go to the stor if i get hungry later. We will seee. I just wanna relax tonight. I dont reaqlly have anything to write about. So maybe i will write about nothing...seriously. What is nothingness? Can nothingness be measured by time? Of course not. Then it wouldnt be nothingness. I was thinking about this last while lying in bed. I thought maybe nothingness is what we enter when we die. Remember nothing is not something, it is nothing. There is so much i wanna think about. I am starting to contemplate existence and everything. I mean i dont really get anywhere because i do not know where to begin. But being submerged in thought is a very interesting experience. I like to think about God and His existence, about time and free will, and even about nothingness. Alot of people try to personify God. "Why do bad things happen? If he knows the future, then he knows whether we go to hell or not." These are all good questions. These make us question God. We as humans often try to understand everything. What i have been taught by many people including a philosophy teacher and my grandfather is that we cant try to make God so small. We cant try to put a face to God or try to understand Him by putting human charactersitics to Him. He is way beyond our thought and way beyond our existence and way beyond our time...if He exists. And why do we put a Gender to God? I hope you all dont think i am lecturing and being condescending but i like to write about these things. I dont know much. I would like some feedback or disagreements with this post. i will except everything. What i am trying to do is make you think. I want to think outside of the box. But i cant and i will probably never be able to because i am caught up in times and earthly things. Because we as humans are bound in time, we will never understand our existence as a whole. This is what wonder is all about. Imagine making a movie. You act in this movie and you think you play your part really well. Then you watch a roll back of the film. You then realize how porrly you did or how stupid you looked. We always get a better look when we are on the outside. OUr lives are like movies. Hopefully when we die we will get to see the final version, uncut and unsenscored. I hope i do not enter nothingness when i die... And now for the hell of it i will list some fears i mad up and give them a description: 1. Hornincrosswalkophobia-The fear that someone will honk their car horm while you pass by while walking in the crosswalk. 2. Itsnotmeophobia-The fear of passing gas in a crowded elevator. 3. Cafeteriaphobia-The fear of being made fun of for your selection of food in the cafeteria. 4. Plopophobia-The fear of making sounds in a crowded bathroom while sitting on the toilet. 5. Thereismorethanoneemptyurinalophobia-The fear that someone will choose the urinal right next to you while in the proccess of urinating. 6. Ihaveidentificationophobia-The fear that even though you are of age you will still not be able to purchase pornography while at the counter. 7. Whatasadlilfesteringcumbagophobia-Fear of talking to girls. 8. Achingjawophobia-Fear of Beef Jerkey. 9. Ohshitimscaredforlifeophobia-Fear of finding a blank tape, playing it, and seeing your parents having intercourse. 10. Alwaysejaculatethemomentiamwalkedinonophobia-The fear that you will ejaculate the moment someone walks in on you masturbating. 11. Oceanbearophobia-Fear of bears living in the Ocean. 12. Mantacobellsucksophobia-Fear of having bad gas the day after consuming taco bell but you consume it anyways. 13. Keepyourbackedturnedophobia-Fear of squeaking chalk while you are writing on the chalkboard. And that is all i can think of... 2 gun shots heard · Decapatations

No apparent subject... [Tue, Nov 11th, 2003 || 6:10pm ] [ mood | stressed ] [ music | BTBAM ] ...we will find one... I do not know what i am gonna write about, but i want to update my journal anyway. I am really wired right now because i have had a few cups of coffee. I dont know why i am drinking coffee because i will not be able to sleep tonight. I have a chemistry test so i am guessing the coffee will help me with that. I hope i do well. I really dont like the classes i am taking. It is not that they arent interesting to me, it is just that sometimes i think to my self, "do i really like science?" Of course i like science. I find physics the most interesting. I watched something on PBS related to physics. It basically describes what space is composed of. When i talk about space i am not talking about outer space. I am talking about the space between your face and the computer screen, the space that surrounds us. Scientists used to think something called quarks were what atoms were comp[osed of. Recent theories suggest "strings." Thats right, strings. Would not it make sense if the universe at the smallest was made up of tons and tons of vibrating strings. These strings would sew up tears in space-time known as worm holes. These strings also give the possibility that there are different dimensions surrounding us. There could be a whole other universe between your face and the computer screen. A universe with intelligent life and the works. What i got most out of this progrma was wonder. It made me realize that our universe in its entirity could be nothing but a grain of sand on an infinite beach. We, as humans, are probably not that significant. I do not mean to scare anyone but i just think this is very interesting. We are probably a dimension inside another dimension. We are one slice in a loaf of bread. We are right next to the other slices but we do not realize it and can not see or touch the other slices. This is very interesting. We as humans are stuck in our own world. the sun does revolve around us. 6 gun shots heard · Decapatations

Le Sigh [Mon, Nov 10th, 2003 || 11:37am ] [ mood | dorky ] [ music | BTBAM ] Between the Buried and Me (5. Reaction (6.Shevanel take 2)) Sleep insane Dream (on0 the inside, dream (on) my own. Once escaped… star filled road. My head will not rest on this pillow As it’s gripped in my arms tonight like reality, too tight But if this dream could last forever I would hold you here Time need not freeze I need not fear This world inside Is the world have longed to find And I will not be afraid to love I will not be afraid to lose what I once deprived myself of My tears have salt stained this pillow Loosened from my weakened clutch By the sun’s light, too much But there’s a hope today That I’ll find a way to make This dream a life and real to me Sometimes I’ll run and sometimes I’ll crawl Sometimes I’ll fly and sometimes I’ll fall But this dream of mine will not change --- I'm in 4th period yearbook right now grrr so much stress. ♥♥♥♥ ♥ Dais 1 gun shots heard · Decapatations

Insomnia must be unhealthy or something... [Fri, Nov 7th, 2003 || 7:05am ] [ mood | tired ] [ music | The sun rising (thats not a band) ] ...most likely... I did not sleep last night. If you count lying in bed wanting to get up and do things as sleep, then i slept for about 20 min. No sleep. None. You start to see things when you are sleep deprived. I remember once, about two weeks ago, i got very little sleep. I was sitting in church in some podunk town listening to my grandfathers presentation on Martin Luther when i became very tired. I started to "nod off." You know when you are really sleepy and your head tilts back and you are unaware that you were sleeping...i was doing that. Well, when i awoke from my five-second-slumber i looked at my hand. I saw hundreds of tiny black bugs crawling all over my hand. Their movements were real! This was pure hallucination, of course. Anyways, i dont reccomend pulling an all-nighter to ANYONE! It is not good for you. I did it because i had some more research to find in that never ending forest known as the Internet. I have the whole day ahead of me now...especially for sleep. We were made to sleep. The temperature is dropping...and not slowly, might i add. It is well below freexing and i am loving every bit of it....well, at least 20 min or so. It has always bothered me that the weather forecasters never seem to be 100% acurate with their forecasts. Maybe i am wrong. But, the weather says its supposed to be in the mid-30's. Well...its 24 degrees outside. I think that the weather forecasters should consult my computer for their daily forecast. I have a temperature reader in the top right hand corner of this very laptop. I always check it. Ever since i moved out here weather has become more important to me. This is because Kansas has extreme weather conditions. During the summer, of course, when i was here, Lawrence, the town i live in, was the hottest city in America. The hottest!!! It was about 110 or 111 i think. Thats pretty darn hot! Now, in the winter time it gets equally as cold. Everyone has told me that january and februrary are the worst. It gets well below zero. The other thing i have been told is, "its not the cold, its the wind chill." This means that it can be cold as it wants to be, but it is MUCH more colder with a little wind thrown into the mix. Burrrrr. It is about 7:20 now. I need to take a shower so i can go downstairs and get food. Today is the day i start a new "eating plan." I will not call it a diet. A diet is what middle aged fat women use in order to fit into a dress they have had for years only so they can wear it one more time. My "eating plan" basically cuts out unneccessary carbohydrates. These include cereals, breads(non-whole grain), fruit(geez louise), baked goods, rice(sorry China), and anything else i cannot think of right now. GOOD carbs include veggies(yum...), whole grains, and...well i think thats it. The best part is i can eat anything else. I dont have to worry too much about fat content in this "eating plan." I can indulge in fish, beef, chicken, eggs, beans, and nuts. It will be fun and i am very excited. If i continue to eat this way my metabolism will change turning me into a fat burning machine. I will also add a little exercise. Above all of these fad-diets is one thing that remains important in every aspect of life(here comes my lesson for the day...) Moderation. The idea of living in moderation can be seen in almost any religion. The Bagovod Gita (someting like that) is a Hindu Epic. The story isnt important. Whats important is the philosophy behind the story. It teaches us that life is like a path we must follow. We have our left and our right. Along this path we will see things that may tempt us or cause us to stray. If we stay focused and continues straight we will get to ouor goal quicker. This is the idea of living in moderation. I think that is all we as humans need for anything in life. We need to live in moderation. I encourage all of you to consider this. Take it to every aspect of your life, with finances, relationships, and even eating. If you eat moderate portions you wont gain as much weight as if you ate like an American(ZING!!) I should mention this quickly. The Epic also describes love as being "jealousy in moderation." Feel free to think that one over because i cannot quite grasp the full meaning. I am on my fourth paragraph and my fourth cop of instant coffee...wait fifth paragraph and fourth cup of instant coffee. Nature is starting to call and the phone is ringing off of the hook might i add. I better get a move on and start my day. I just want to wish everyone the best of luck in life. I hope that you live out your life and your life only. No one can tell you who you are or what to be. Make wise choices. Sorry for preaching to the choir. Well, i am off now. I love you all even if i dont. Haha... *The comment on China does not reflect the views of the author. It is simply a cheap shot...a very ignorant cheap shot...a very ignorant and stereotypical cheap shot.* : ) 11 gun shots heard · Decapatations

Why I am so cool... [Wed, Nov 5th, 2003 || 6:13pm ] [ mood | dorky ] [ music | BTBAM-Ad a Dglgmut(part 1 of 3) ] ...just kidding... It is getting cold. Very cold. It is about 38 degrees right now but it feels like 31 degrees. It doesnt really bother me because I am a big fan of the cold. It kind of reminds me of Christmas, which by the way is coming very soon. I really love Christmas and not just the gifts but everything. The carols, the weather, the trees, the lights, the decorations...everything!!! I wonder what i will be receiving this year for Christmas. I am getting older so it probably be something that is "convenient." No more pointless toys for me. Just clothes and cologne. I really dont mind that stuff because i actually am running low on clothes...not cologne. I only use cologne when i go out so i dont smell. Actually i havent used cologne in a long while. I just use deoderant. I bet you i have so many misspellings so far. I am not a very good speller. I used to be but not anymore. I guess it is because i havent been reading much lately. The thing about reading is that i buy books but i dont always read them. I get a good sense of euphoria when i buy a book though. I like buying books and i do enjoy reading. The last book i really enjoyed was Dantes Inferno. This is an epic poem about hell. It is very interesting because the punishment is different for each sin. The descriptions are very memorable and i reccomend the book totally. I wonder what hell really is like. I wonder if it is the cliche burning for eternity or if it something a little more complex. Maybe it is that we are just alone for eternity. Being alone can cause suffering and insanity. I wonder why God would let us suffer for eternity if He loved us so much. I know that we have free will but still. Maybe hell was just created so that we can choose God. God did say in the Old Testament that he was a jealous god. That would be weird if He made up hell just so he could scare us into believing in Him. This cant be true because God would never lie to us. I think there is a God. The religions are what really confuse me. I think over these thousands of years religions and beliefs have become so complex we have forgotten about what truely matters...God and His love. There is a god and he does love us all. It is our job to realize this and stop worrying so much about heaven and hell and what we have to do to get to heaven. We have to take life one day at a time. Carpe Diem. I wish i could do that. I wish i could live one day at a time but it is hard for me. It is hard for me especially with all of these deadlines for school. I have to think ahead. The only Carpe Diem i do is by doing my work that causes me to look into the future. See, this is why we have calenders. Anyways, i think i am gonna go to the store soon. I have a few things i need to buy. It only takes like ten minutes to walk there. I have to walk in the cold..darn. Well, it doesnt really bother me. In fact i hope the temp drops. I like the cold. It is still 38 degrees and i bet it still feels like 31. My hands are like ice...but not in my pants. 5 gun shots heard · Decapatations

I have been to the Garden of Eden and back... [Wed, Oct 29th, 2003 || 8:12pm ] [ mood | satisfied ] [ music | Alien 3 ] ...And let me tell you... From time to time i go on and on about what the greatest CD is. How can one CD be the greatest when it changes? Well i dont know what my All-time favorite CD will be in about a year from now but right now it is the brand, spankin new LP by Between the Buried and Me called The Silent Circus...AH..i mea...what th...this CD...WOW!!!! I can not even describe it. Move aside Beatles' White Album, you have a contendor! If you have ever seen a painting so beautiful and indescribable that you can only experience it to understand who God is and what He is about, then this is the Audio equvilent. It has so many different degrees of beauty. From the pure maddness that BTBAM is known for, to the old-skool metal riffs, to the cannot-help-but-be-hooked breakdowns, to the beautiful melodies of the guitar bass AND vocals. This CD has it all. They have a new drummer and i already want him to be my boyfriend. I am beginning to think that the best job on earth would be to play guitar in BTBAM. I would be so proud if i could create art that beautiful. If BTBAM was a woman, i'd marry her. If BTBAM was a man, i'd become gay, and marry him...seeing as if he was a gay man. Anyways, i now know what my purpose in life is. It is to.own.this.album.and.never.listen.to.any.other.album.again! I wish i could help those of you who dont know what im talking about understand how powerful this CD is. But like I said, no words can describe...or did i say that? Well, anyways, but this album. Even if you listen to Aaron Carter and like to dress in Nike warm-ups and wear a backwards visor, flipped up and say things like "fo shizzle." Even if you are so blind as to think that pop punk is "awesome dawg" with its verse-chorus-verse-chorus-breakdown-chorus. Wow, so deep. Dont think i am gonna forget about you pussy beginners to hardcore, with your Thrice and your Atreyu and your Skyline Burning and your FATA..pussies...BTBAM will ANAL-ize any of you fucker pussies including you Dave Matthews. They will show any of you up ANY. I am sick of Opinion and Taste. This CD IS EVERYTHING!! That includes Opinion and Taste. You think you know, but you have no idea... FInally, i would like to sign off by quoting from the new CD. "It all makes sense...we are capable of beauty..." Well, at least BTBAM is! 5 gun shots heard · Decapatations

CD Review [Wed, Oct 22nd, 2003 || 7:48pm ] CD: None So Vile Artist: Cryptopsy Recording Company: Century Media Genre: Grindcore/Metal Rating: 91%/A- If you are a fan of brutal metal then i suggest you get this album. It is some of the best that Century Media has to offer. It is pure speed, pure madness, and pure evil, all the qualities that make Grindcore so enjoyable. If you are a fan of Pig Destroyer, Cephalic Carnage, or even The Red Chord, you will like this album. It is relentless. I gave it an A- because i have yet to get past track 5. Also, the vocals are almost useless. The drum work and guitars are what earned this CD an A-. Even the bass will surprise you a little. To sum up, this CD is Grindcore. It breathes grindcore. It is one of the fastest metal albums out there. When you pop this in, you may hyperventilate. That is a warning to you. Buy it if you like metal at its fastest, and most brutal. 11 gun shots heard · Decapatations

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