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May. 25th, 2005 @ 08:11 pm More surgery !!!!!!!!
Current Mood: depressed
Well next week I am going to be having more surgery. This surgery will be the same as the one I had last year and the year before. I have endometriosis ( for those who don't know what it is here is some info: http://www.endometriosis.org/ ) I also have a pretty big cyst on my right ovary, which is giving my doctor some concern because I shouldn't even be getting them with the new medication I am on. This surgery is more frustrating then the tonsils because this will be the 3rd year in a row I will have to have it done. I worry that its never going to stop bothering me. I am also terrified of the fact that it could hinder my ability to have children. Which for me is a big deal.
Having to surgeries in one month is not going to be fun, at least the first one is over with and I can eat normal foods now :/
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frustrated
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May. 13th, 2005 @ 10:06 pm Tonsils
Current Mood: sore
I had my tonsils out last week. It has not been a fun experience. More painful then I had imagined it would be. I am glad I am half way through the recovery. I just want a cheeseburger lol
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Mar. 27th, 2005 @ 11:33 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: drained
I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel pulled in so many directions…and not really by anyone else or anything else but by my own self. I don’t know how to deal with some of the personal issues I have and they don’t seem to be getting any better. I am not happy that much is for sure. My issues only cause problems for me and the people I care about.
I don’t know how to trust people. I always assume the worst is going to happen. I used to be a much more optimistic and trusting person. I used to see the good in everyone and in the world. That part of me is still there, but this other part of me seems to be around more now. I know I have given people plenty of reasons not to trust me and people have given me plenty of reasons not to trust. There is a great deal about this world that really bothers me lately. Maybe I am just too sensitive .I don’t know. All I know is all of these feelings are killing who I am.
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Mar. 10th, 2005 @ 12:35 pm Sick of being sick....
Current Mood: sick
I have been sick on and off for the past month. It was a sore throat for about three weeks. My doctor gave me some anitbiotics last friday, saying it was probably strep, and my throat seems to be ok now. Yesterday I woke up feeling like crap though. I had a fever and my whole body felt like it has been beaten up. Now today I feel like yesterday only my stomache feels off too. Haven't been able to finish anything I have has to eat today and I feel sick to my stomache. Its really starting to fustrate me, I just want to be 100% heathy for more then 3 days at a time :(
well we shall see how today goes...
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frustrated
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Mar. 1st, 2005 @ 03:26 pm Bad Day
Current Mood: confused
I am in a horrible mood today and I don't know why. I just feel like crying for no reason. I feel like nothing is going the way it was suppose to go.
I guess maybe I shouldn't count on anything in life going a certain way anyways.

I want to be happy. I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to achieve the things in life that I want. I always feel like I am stuck in the middle with every thing I do. Maybe I am just a coward.
I know what I want and how I feel, but I never go completely for what I want or admit how I truly feel.
Instead I always get myself into complicated situations that don't need to be so complicated. I can't accept how I truly feel or what I truly want.
Instead I worry too much about what will happen if I go for what I want, what negative effects it could have on myself and the people around me.
I should just focus on whatever positive there is instead of worrying so damn much. If I don't start changing this I am going to just keep repeating the same mistakes I have made over the past few years.
and..
I have made quite a few, whether they be matters of school,work,relationships, and issues I have within myself that I know I need to fix.
I know I can't go back and fix these mistakes but I can try to learn from them, but I don't seem to be doing that.
How does a person truly follow their heart without worrying about the outcome ?
I am stuck and I want to be unstuck and I know I am the only one that can make that happen. I need to stop going in circles.
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nb
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Feb. 7th, 2005 @ 02:00 pm Interesting
Current Mood: amused
31 Things Guys Should Know About Girls
Written by a guy. After years of experience.

1. Whatever you do, don't just show up at their house...they run around in their underwear just like we do.

2. Don't cheat on them. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out and you will be mud.

3. Beware of every single male relatives and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your butt at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the damn hat.

4. Never miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful.

5. Don't refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous.

6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it.

7. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms.

8. If you don't sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did.

--8.5. If you DO sleep with them, don't tell your friends that you did.

9. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most of them are not offended by it...

10. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales.

11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a pussy.

--11.5. Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!

12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it's not a serious relationship.

13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.

14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to kick the crap out of him.

15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.

16. Never, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back.

17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.

18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.

19. Don't flirt with their moms or friends...that's just freaky.

20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like crap, so be understanding.

21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.

22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.

23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.

24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.

25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.

26. Memorize their birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life.

27. Don't marinade the cologne.

28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful. Jewelry is always nice.

29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt you more if you draw it out.

30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.

31.Don't ever do anything wrong (well not anything). girls remember things for life and anything you did wrong will be used against you in the future.
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Feb. 6th, 2005 @ 03:51 pm I hate Football
Current Mood: annoyed
Stupid superbowl...the only thing good about today is all the food. yum :P
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Feb. 3rd, 2005 @ 03:52 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: sick
Once again it has been awhile since I have posted here. I have started using a new website that I post journals at called myspace.
I am living back at home for awhile. My nanny job didn't work out.It is disappointing because it was really good money that I need. I need to start looking for a temporary job to have while I am at home.
I have been sick with a stomach bug since sunday. It's pretty icky. I had to go to the hospital on sunday. It was a horrible experience.
Everyday I think I am starting to feel better and something happens to prove that wrong lol.
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pj
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Jul. 15th, 2004 @ 02:37 am Been awhile
It has been a long time since I have updated this.
I have only been home from school for about 2 weeks and I have only been to the beach 2 time so far,
It's suppose to rain for over a week so I won'tbe going much anytime soon.
This is going to be a short summer :(
Kind
Your Anime Personality is Kind!!!!


What type of Anime Personality do you have? (for girls)
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HASH(0x8b0ec40)
your a little angel!


~*Whats your anime personality? [for girls]*~
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lonely2
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Mar. 10th, 2004 @ 04:15 am can't sleep
Water Goddess
You are the Goddess of Water. You are a very
loving, you show your emotions out in the open.
You are full of wisdom. Also dreamy... You
would rather be sleeping then awake. But are
still very happy. You are most inspiration to
the other Four Goddesses since without water
there wouldn't be life.
Other Water Goddesses: Aphrodite, Isis, Mariamne,
Mari, Tiamat, Yemaya, Ran, Kupala


Which of the Four Elemental Goddesses are you?(With Pics)
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Well well well, the old fashioned 17th century
vampire, one of my faves. You look for the good
things in life, you posses a lot of classical
class, and follow that of the original
vampires, you have no shame in what you are,
infact you embrace it, you love it and wouldn't
have it any other way. Your wealth is
unspeakable and your way of luring people with
your mystical ways and looks is amazing, and
most people would often call you The
Seductress. Please rate this quiz!


What Kind Of Vampire Would You Be? (Cool answers, AND FOR GILRS UNLESS YOU ARE A CROSSDRESSER)!
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Yuna
Yuna


Which Final Fantasy X-2 character are you?
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Your in Love! Aphrodite has put a spell on you and
your hunny bunny and it's (hopefully) gonna
last! You two have accomplished something
great and that is a Mature Love. Mature Love is
different from infatuation, it is characterized
by a gving, unselfish attitude. Each person is
concerned about the well-being of the other.
People who have mature love for each other like
to do things that please each other. They are
committed to finding and doing what is best
for each other. They may give up personal
disires to bring benefit to the loved one. You
two have acknowledged this and are in a very
healthy relationship. Good Luck in the future!
*Please, Don't forget to vote!*


Is It Love?
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ex angel
You're like an angel. As everyone knows, angels
dwell in heaven. They were desribed as shining
ones wearing white and the idea that they have
wings is believed as well. Guardian angels are
the ones that many people think are dead loved
ones who try to protect the living friends or
family they have on Earth. They usually had
blonde hair and maybe brown with flawless
appearance and sweet dispositions. They were
cheerful, hopefull, selfless, loving, and kind.
Angels are the one mystical creature that a
majority of people truly believe in. Encounters
with angels are poping up all over the world
and reassuring people's beliefs in angels.
(please rate)


What Mystical Creature Are You? (Pictures)
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Mar. 5th, 2004 @ 04:36 am been awhile
I realized it's been awhile since I have updated this. I have just been very busy this semester. I have been working harder in my classes and focusing my energy in 20 diffrent places. I moved to a diffrent room this semester to be in the same room as my friend Sabrina. It's nice to be able to live with someone you know. We have been having alot of fun together.

I will be back soon with a much better update.

romanticsexy
Romantic-Sexy....
Your fantasies involve love, not lust. You are a
fantastic kisser, and for very good reason:
it's your favorite thing. You are sappy as
hell, and you don't care who knows it.


What's your brand of sexy?
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hotaru
You're Hotaru! Fishnets, bats, and alleycats! Rawr!


Which Anime Girl Are You?
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nb
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Jan. 9th, 2004 @ 08:42 pm (no subject)
You're Perfect ^^
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
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nb
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Jan. 4th, 2004 @ 11:02 pm break so far
Current Mood: blah
So far my break from school has been pretty nice. With the exception of New Years Eve. Christmas was good. it was a little different this year, some family was'nt here.
The presents I really enjoyed were:

Dvd's:
Dawson's Creek Season 2
Princess Bride Special Edition
Lion King Special Edition
I Love Lucy 50th anniversary DVD

Books:
A Bend In The Road by Nicholas Sparks

other:
a bunch of cool stuff like a foot bath/massager af facial thing, manicure set.
a bottle of code red Mt. Dew lol
Sparkling Belle Babbie Doll and My squirt stuffed animal ( as Dawson would say they are collectors items )
Spike Calender

Best if all : My Ipod :)

I got a bunch more but I wont bore you with it all.

bored:
Artistic
You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.


What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
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Dec. 25th, 2003 @ 12:45 am 2003
Current Mood: contemplative
got this from helen's journal
1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?
ate a mussle, went to Maine,


2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't even remeber what it was. I may make one this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No

5. What countries did you visit?
none

6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?
To be less sensitive, happier, finnaly know what I want and go for it.

7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
there are quite a few, this was not the easiest year.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
passing math

9. What was your biggest failure?
lol I have quite a few

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had to have an operation in january. Got Bronchitus twice.
Took a pretty big fall and hurt myself in sept.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
presents for friends and family

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
many people


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
the psyco papparazi out side Regis and Kelly.
Drunk driver I saw crash into a tree last week.


14. Where did most of your money go?
Gas, food, going out, a new cell phone,movies.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
meeting Katie Holmes twice this year and the cats of DC once.
Going to see Pieces Of April.
Filming a movie with my friends
Spending the Day in central park and night in the city
I am really excited about this New Years Eve
Florida for my cousins graduation
Students In the Arts
The end of my spring break
the first few weeks of summer
going to sonic lol
Pompton Lakes
Pablo Locos on Wed. nights
Staying up all night watching season one of DC and Abandon and playing drinking games :)



16. What song will always remind you of 2003?
not sure

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? sadder
ii. thinner or fatter? gained some weight, but I guess thats good because I was underweight
iii. richer or poorer?poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
taken everything in

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
cried

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
At home with familly.

22. Did you fall in love in 2003?
yes

23. How many one-night stands?
none

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Dawson's, Buffy, Sex and the City, The OC, Smallville

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
no

26. What was the best book you read?
The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
not sure

28. What did you want and get?
Season one of DC and Smallville


29. What did you want and not get?
be happier

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I really enjoyed Pieces Of April
POTC
Finding Nemo

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
had party, went sledding, went to lucnh, saw POA again. I turned 23.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
not sure

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
confused lol

34. What kept you sane?
friends and family

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Katie Holmes lol



37. Who did you miss?
depends on what part of the year you are talking about.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
everyone from Students In the arts and Boy Gets Girl
Sabrina

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003.
Learn to make yourself happy. Don't take too long to make descions and when you do
don't go back on them.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
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pj5
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Dec. 17th, 2003 @ 02:33 am going crazy
Current Mood: stressed
I am sitting here taking a break from the studying I have been doing all day !
at least after tomorrow my semester will finally be over. I don't know how well I am going to do on this exam tomorrow. I am pretty nervous about it.

I went to Florida over the weekend for my cousins graduation. I will talk more about it,maybe tomorrow.
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nb
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Dec. 10th, 2003 @ 02:20 am blah
Current Mood: depressed
why is life so frustrating :(

on an up note I passed my huge math test that I needed to pass out of the class.
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nb
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Dec. 2nd, 2003 @ 01:26 am thanksgiving
Current Mood: sick
My long weekend at home was ok. I have been sick since last sunday(11/22) It ended up turning into bronchitis while I was home. I don't remember half of thanksgiving because I was so sick and out of it. I almost passed out in my mashed potatoes lol.

I have about 3 weeks left in the semester. I have a good amount of work to do before its over. I took a big math test today. It was our second chance to test out of the
class. You have to get 20 questions right and I got 16, so not bad. My last chance to pass will be Dec. 15th. Ironically I will be flying back from Florida that day, lol should be interesting.

My 23rd birthday is this sunday ( Dec, 7th). My parents had a cake for me while I was home for thanksgiving seeing as they won't see me on my birthday. I got some money and they got me the first season of Smallville on DVD, made me quite happy :)
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lonely2
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Oct. 28th, 2003 @ 06:27 pm pictures from the weekend
you will need to sign yourself into imagestation first then..

to see the albums type in funtimes03 into screen name and for password:funtimes

from the haunted house:


Cast Party:

backstage:
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Oct. 28th, 2003 @ 03:09 pm Great 2 weeks..great show
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: " Hands Down" Dashboard Confessional
Well my play is finally over. Our last show was on saturday. We had a good run and I will miss everyone. Friday night after our show some of us went into the city to see Rob's dad's band play. That was so much fun, I think we are going to go again soon. Then saturday night was our cast party. We went to 2 different bars. I sang alot of karaoke at one lol.
Sunday a bunch of us went to Sabrina's house and put on a haunted house for people in her neighborhood. I guess she does this every year, alot of people showed up to go through it. We scared the daylights out of almost everyone. I got to be bloody Mary lol.
I am going to be in my friends movie that he is making. It should be fun. It's kind of a horror movie. We are going to start filming some of it tonight.
( new pics from the weekend )
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nb
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Oct. 20th, 2003 @ 08:48 pm Stressful month
Current Mood: drained
This past month or so had been pretty crazy. I haven't really had time to update this lately. Between classes and rehearsal I have been going nuts. Opening night for my play was this past Friday. We now have 5 more shows to do through this weekend. Thank God we have today and tomorrow off so I can have some time to relax. I can finally get some laundry and school work done and catch up on my Smallville.
I want to be able to go seePieces of April & The Singing Detective but I don't think I will have any time until next tuesday. I will probably have to head into the city by myself to see them also :(
I went to see Katie Holmes at Regis and Kelly this past week. It was not a fun experience. The people that showed up there to try and get her picture/autograph were crazy. I even got pushed by one of them.It was an eye opening experience for me, I will never blame a celebrity again for not stopping for people after that.
I also broke up with my boyfriend of over 3 years ( on and off) for good about a week ago. It was very, very,very hard to do but also very necessary. He has become like a brother to me and I wasn't being fair to him by staying with him. It does hurt quite a bit though. I need to start learning how to make myself happy and start doing things for myself.
here is the pic of Katie from Thursday:
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