i feel lost and confused. i know what my ultimate career goals are. i know what i want to do for a living. but, finding a temporary job *now* that I like and doesn't put my health at risk is confusing for me. I need a temporary job now that is doula-friendly as I'm going back to school to do some training for the next year. I need to pay my bills between now and july 2009. i have a couple of ideas of doula-friendly positions that i might like but i'm not sure which ones to go with. i'm currently a p/t nanny and i feel like the job is way too much work for only $20/hr. and before you say "omg, that's a lot of money", they only offer me 12 hrs a week and for the bay area, that's not a lot of money. i've made $25/hr as a nanny before. but, i can't post looking for another job as the website i used to find my current nanny family, they are still on and would see my ad on this website and *know* i'm shopping around for a better family. i could respond to craigslists job postings and just go on job interviews however i wouldn't have much time for job interviews soon as my clinic hours start soon and then i'll be really busy! pretty much my whole week will be taken up by clinic hours and nanny-ing. well, not my whole week. around 27 hrs/week will take up clinic hours and nanny hours. i could still interview during the other 10 hours in the week. i just don't know what to do. i feel lost.

I have an infection in my nose. Despite my efforts to wear sunscreen on my face, I got sunburnt and now my face is perma-red. I weigh significantly more now than I have in my past. At the site of my second hole pierced, it's still enlarged even though it's been years since it was itchy and irritated. Due to my stressful life, I've tensed my neck way more than I should have and now it's thicker than it used to be. I used to have a beautiful long neck. I'm a mess and I'm worried I'll never look good ever again. And I'm only 24 years old.

What do you do when you are just not happy in your life? And nothing is going right. Seriously. One hardship after another. Will it end? When will it end?

Dear Rick,

Clearly you and I were never meant to be. You are hot and look exactly like my hot English teacher from Sophmore year in H.S. I was so looking forward to role playing sexy teacher/naughty student with you. You were totally down and willing. You wanted me to bend you over and peg you all night long. Awesome. You know how much I love that. You are creative, which I love. You are passionate about your job, which is so attractive to me. I want to have someone special in my life to cook for and pamper. To have a connection with. I was hoping that would be you. But, you've flaked on me several times. You've said you'd call me and then never did. The last straw was this week. You said you'd call this week and you haven't. I've emailed you several times this week only to get no response. I've given up hope in you. I deleted you on Facebook and will soon block you from IMing me. This is not to punish you. It's a preventative measure on my part, so I don't get too attached to someone I have no chance with. Why is it that so many people in my life I've liked but have had no chance with? Will I *ever* have a mutual attraction to someone? And it's not like I'm picky or anything. I've dated overweight guys, hairy guys, skinny guys etc etc. I've really dated the gamit and like to think I'm attracted to all sorts of people.

I'll end this as it's starting to gear off course. Good luck with everything.

Sara

i think having a business mentor would be really helpful to me. i just feel very lost and alone in my career. perhaps contacting mills alumni association or stopping by mills alumni association and asking for a. a business mentor and b. maybe there's a mills grad who's a lactation consultant.

i'd like to ignore my straight side for a while and indulge my gay side. that is all.

i'm on fire! my first official pp doula gig is this week and i'm gonna have *another* one next week! hells yeah! this poor mom i'm working with now. she has a 4th degree tear and it's torn even in her rectrum! yikes! poor thing. and now there are even more problems and she will probably have to have pelvic surgery. poor poor thing. the mom i'm helping next week has pp depression and twins. i can't even imagine having to care for twin babies around the clock. i'm very happy to wait a *long* time before i have a baby thank you very much. ;-)

-attended a great birth and surprise, got paid for it

-had a client give birth without telling me, causing me anguish and making me change my contract

-had sex with the ex 5 times in a 4 hr time period

-less than yr old laptop broke and there was MAJOR DRAMA surrounding getting it fixed

-quit my job (major drama around that too)

-do workshop on c section scar massage

-2 dates with a guy i like

-talk to lots of guys online and have an inbox of 400 messages from a particular dating website

-roommate moves out and find new roommate

-find a nanny job (finally) after much, much search

-get two regular massage clients

-finally launch my massage website

-one client posted a kick ass review on yelp for my massage practice (hells yeah!)

-signed up for lactation consultant program starting in october and going until july

-decide to drop two guys i liked and were talking to online

-first real post partum doula gig

-two platonic dates with a yelper guy friend

-yelp events and yelp drama

-life altering tarot reading that changed my whole life!!!!

-start research into midwifery programs

-lots of nanny interviews

-prenatal appt's with doula clients

life just sucks right now. hard core sucks. i dont know what to do with myself. i'm so poor and my doula client had her baby without telling me.

i miss my best mate in australia and i miss australia in general so much. i can't wait to go back however it'll be a while until i can go back.